Dr. Barbara Fredrickson found that just six weeks of training in a form of meditation focused on kindness and compassion resulted in increased positive emotions, social connectedness, and even improved health for participants in her study.

In a similar study, Dr. Richard Davidson found that as little as two weeks’ training in compassion and kindness meditation led to changes in brain circuitry linked to an increase in positive social behaviors, such as generosity.

Even three months after these experiments concluded, participants continued to display increased mindfulness, purpose in life, social support, and decreased illness symptoms.

Loving-kindness meditation involves thinking of loved ones and sending them positive thoughts. Later, your child can expand her positive thoughts to more neutral people in her life as well. Dr. Fredrickson describes this form of meditation as “directing good-hearted wishes to others.”

The four traditional phrases are, “May you feel safe. May you feel happy. May you feel healthy. May you live with ease.” But the actual wording you and your child use aren’t important; it’s about generating feelings of kindness and warmth. 

By practicing generating these feelings, the brain is conditioned to think more positively. It also shows your child how easy it is to engage in feelings of compassion and kindness, which can help her connect more easily with others and increase her overall well-being.

Helping others is obviously beneficial to other people, but it will also enhance your child’s own positive feelings and attitude.

People who volunteer have been found to have higher self-esteem and overall well-being than those who don’t. 

Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a professor at the University of California, Riverside, says, “People who engage in kind acts become happier over time.” When your child helps others, she will feel good about herself as a person, which will ultimately help her feel more optimistic and positive in general.

Helping others is also linked to fostering a sense of belonging, inner peace, and gratitude. Your child could help others by assisting an elderly neighbor with yard work or chores, helping a friend with homework, or participating in a canned food or clothing drive. You could also make volunteering a family affair and regularly help out with a soup kitchen or other charitable organization.

A very young child can assist you around the house, help a younger sibling with picking up toys or getting dressed, or even accompany you (and be your “assistant”) when you help others. 

The more your child helps others, the more positive she’ll become.

Dr. Fredrickson explains that positive thinking can stem from recognizing and appreciating small moments of happiness and beauty. These simple moments can include laughter, a hug, a beautiful sunset, or the sound of birds singing.

"We sometimes have special moments in life. {...} These moments are so exhilarating that we get goosebumps on our arms, feel tingling up and down our spine, tears flood our eyes, and our jaw drops.

This is called awe."

Sandi Schwartz at Parent.co

One practical way to work on this skill with your child is to have her start an Awe Journal. You can keep one of your own as well, and you and your child can discuss them weekly or daily.

In the Awe Journal, you and your child will record sights or moments from your daily lives that you find beautiful or extraordinary: a rainbow, a kind act, or even the smell of freshly baked cookies. Your child can record these moments with drawings, descriptions, poems, etc.

It may seem small, but writing about positive experiences can actually have a major impact on positive thinking. A study published in the Journal of Research in Personality examined 90 undergraduate students who were split into two groups.

One group wrote about an intensely positive experience every day for only three days. The other group wrote about a control topic. Three months later, the first group was still experiencing better mood levels and fewer illnesses. 

Working on the Awe Journal will also teach your child to begin recognizing and searching for beauty everywhere, which will help her form a more positive view of the world and herself.

Dr. Fredrickson and her colleagues also suggest that goal-setting helps people become more optimistic, positive thinkers with a greater sense of well-being.

Dr. Gabriele Oettingen, a Professor of Psychology at New York University and the University of Hamburg, explains that positive thinking alone doesn’t help people reach their goals. Sometimes, she says, “Dreamers are no doers.”

At times, people who are too optimistic about reaching their goals don’t take the possible setbacks they may encounter seriously, and they ultimately fail at achieving these goals, which may negatively impact their outlook.

To help your child achieve goals and develop more long-term positive thinking, try using Dr. Oettiengen’s WOOP strategy:

Wish - Help your child come up with a goal she would really like to accomplish.

Outcome - Engage your child in visualizing the best outcome that could result from accomplishing this goal. What would this outcome look like? What would it feel like?

Obstacle - Take wishing and visualizing a practical step further by generating a list of obstacles that could prevent your child from reaching the goal. These obstacles could include wanting to give up or getting distracted by something, like wanting to play with toys or check a cell phone.

Plan - Finally, make a plan for dealing with these obstacles if/when they occur. Have your child say or write sentences like If/when [Obstacle] , then I will [Plan to overcome the obstacle] .

Visualizing and planning for obstacles in advance makes it more likely that your child will actually achieve her goals, resulting in increased confidence and a more positive attitude.

If you're looking for helpful growth mindset activities, check out The Bestseller’s Bundle. It includes our three most popular printable kits packed with science-based activities, guides, and crafts for children.

One of the most powerful ways to teach your child to have a positive attitude is to MODEL this behavior for her. When you accept and process your emotions in a healthy way, you teach your child to do the same.

You can also share positive experiences with your child. Dr. Frederickson observes that “shared positivity—having two people caught up in the same emotion—may have an even greater impact on health than something positive experienced by oneself.”

She suggests such simple activities as watching a funny TV show or movie and laughing together, sharing a funny joke or good news, or being physically affectionate. Anything that sparks feelings of joy, contentment, and love contributes to positive thinking, especially when these emotions are shared.

 Laugh with your child, hug your child, set aside time to provide your undivided attention, and enjoy positive experiences together. Taking time to discuss the Awe Journals mentioned above can be a valuable shared experience as well.

These moments of togetherness will deepen your bond with your child, and it will increase her positivity and health, both physical and emotional.

Don't forget to download our FREE Your Words Matter Kit with 10 helpful parenting guides and tips to use when speaking to your children.

Recognize your child’s strengths and give her opportunities to develop them and experience success. For example, if your child has a beautiful singing voice, let her try voice lessons and perform in voice recitals. If she’s an excellent soccer player, sign her up for a local team.

As your child develops skills and succeeds as a result, she’ll increase her confidence and develop a more positive outlook and attitude.

Similarly, trying new things can result in increased confidence and resilience. Encourage your child to try a new sport, instrument, game, or activity.

Likewise, if your child expresses interest in a new activity, let her try it out. As she enjoys or finds a degree of success with this new activity, she’ll develop a more positive view of herself, her abilities, and life in general.

You can even find new activities to try with your child in order to increase your shared positive experiences. Sign up for a cooking class, work on a few art projects, or take up rollerblading together.

Positive affirmations are belief systems rooted in the universal truth. They are positive statements that children or adults can repeat to themselves in order to increase self-esteem, promote positive thinking, and change negative self-talk.

Affirmations are most effective if you let your child come up with her own. This is because the healing power of affirmation comes not from saying the positive words aloud, but from internalizing them. Your child will also take ownership of the process and be more committed to her affirmations.

Guide your child to come up with affirmations that are short, positive, and present tense. Examples include:

• I am kind.
• I am enough.
• I am loving.
• I am a good friend.
• I am unique.

Instead of giving your child instructions or requiring her to say affirmations, try to use them in a playful manner. Research shows that children learn best through play, so turn your child’s affirmations into a game the two of you play together. Take turns affirming one another and then saying your own affirmations, or come up with a song or dance.

You can also post your child’s affirmations on her mirror or around her room, or the two of you can make a creative art project using these statements. 

The more your child says her affirmations, the more she’ll come to truly believe them, ultimately reducing negative self-talk and increasing positive thinking.

Every child experiences negative self-talk. But you can prevent it from turning into automatic, hard-wired thinking.

Looking for additional resources to support building grit and resilience in your child? The Build Your Frustration Tolerance Masterclass is a self-paced growth mindset parenting masterclass where you'll learn how to help your child push ahead and persevere instead of quitting or giving up at the slightest setback. You'll get lifetime access so you can go through all the materials at your own pace. Our expert parenting educators will give you specific tools and strategies to raise a child who has the CONFIDENCE AND DETERMINATION to overcome their frustration and persevere.

Raising Children to Have a Positive Attitude

Blog, Teaching and Learning

Some children just always seem to see the clouds instead of the sun.  While being negative happens to all of us at one time or another, feeling gloomy all of the time is unhealthy.

As parents, we want to help our children to learn to have a more realistic and balanced point of view about the positive and negative aspects of life.   To do this, however, we need to look at our own attitudes and help our children build positive attitudes about their place in the world.

Evaluate Your Own Attitude

Experts agree that many of our personality traits are inborn, but some are also the result of environment.  If you have a child who is leaning toward being pessimistic instead of optimistic, you should first examine your own attitude.  Parents and caregivers have the biggest influence on how children perceive the world.  Do you dwell on the negative instead of the positive?  Are you constantly bringing up all the bad things that happen to you at work instead of the good parts of your day?  You may not even know you are doing it, so pay attention to your own attitude to see if that is where your child is learning it.

Look at Your Child’s Experiences

Your child’s experiences may also be a factor in turning him into a negative thinker.  Life experiences such as a death in the family, divorce, poverty, or loss of a good friend can contribute to your child’s pessimistic approach to life.   While you cannot control certain aspects of your child’s life, you can give your child the support and attention he needs to get through the experiences without giving up his positive thinking.

Refrain from Using Negative Labels

If one child has a sunny disposition while the other is gloomy don’t point this out to your child.  Children tend to become the very person you tell them they are.  If you say “You are the gloomy one in our family,” your child will eventually take on that role permanently.

Be an Example of Optimism

Children learn what they see, so if they see you act positively after a disheartening situation, they learn to do the same.  How you behave really does affect how your child perceives the world around him.

Teach Your Child to be Optimistic, yet Realistic at the Same Time

We all experience disappointments in our lives and we aren’t always going to achieve the goals we set for ourselves.  When your child experiences a setback, like not making the team or failing a test he studied for, tell him that setbacks can be learning experiences too.   Working a little harder to make the team next time or getting help with the subject he is having trouble with can be the way to succeed next time.  Having the attitude that you can always try again or work a little harder to achieve a goal will give your child a positive take on a setback.

Help Boost your Child’s Self-Esteem

Self-esteem and a positive attitude go hand-in-hand.  Give your child opportunities to try new activities and praise him for his successes.  Start with little things when he is young, like having him help fold towels or do dishes and give positive responses to his good work.  As children grow older notice when they do a job right or get a good grade on a paper in school and let them know how proud you are of them.  Building their self-esteem through deserved praise will go a long way toward creating an optimistic attitude.

Refrain from Criticism

Criticizing you child will not motivate him to try harder; it will only lead to negative attitudes.   Try helping your child with the activity or school project that is frustrating him and give encouragement when he reaches his goal.  Even if a goal isn’t attained, remind your child that he tried and did the best he could.  Your child will most likely not excel at everything he does, but remind him that all experiences are learning experiences.

Optimism can be learned at any age, so if you feel you are modeling pessimistic behavior, try looking for the bright side of things more often.  It’s a proven fact; on the average optimistic people live longer and are healthier.  Teaching your children to have a positive attitude will not only help them lead a happier life, but a healthier one also.

attitude, parenting, tips

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7 Ways to Develop Positive Behavior in Children - Child Development

It is extremely important for parents to teach their child positive behavior - this will help him achieve future success in life. This requires consistency in actions and attentiveness, but, above all, it all depends on your willingness to use a positive approach in raising a child.

To develop positive behavior in your child, follow these guidelines.

1. Set a good example

The environment is a good tool for developing the necessary skills in a child. It is the environment that determines the differences between the behavior of people and animals. And so the environment you create for your children determines what they learn.

• The child sees everything you do and imitates you in everything. Show him a good example, do not complain or swear in his presence.
• If you create and maintain a harmonious and positive atmosphere in the house, this will form in the child an appropriate picture of the world, which will remain with him throughout his life.

2. Pay attention

Listen to your child without interrupting or judging. This is very important because when a child sees that you are listening to him, he feels that his words have value.

• It may be difficult for a child to cope with the fact that he cannot express any of his feelings.
• Being close to your child and giving him support will help him overcome his fears, worries and distrust.

3. Keep your word

Children's logic is simple: children only understand yes and no. Adults, by saying “maybe”, complicate this picture.

• If you promised your child to take him to the zoo this weekend because he will study on time all week, you should keep your word.
• Thus, the child understands the need to fulfill these obligations and trusts your words.

4. Be careful

To help keep your child safe, you should put certain things in the right places.

• Children are always looking for something to play with. This is characteristic of them, so they often take your things.
• No need to scold your child for playing with your things. Just keep things out of his reach. If you scold a child, it may cause negative feelings in him, and he may want to take this or that thing again.
• Be polite when weaning your child from taking your things.

5. Learn to say "no"

Saying "no" to a child can be difficult, but it is much more difficult to change his stubborn behavior.

• Do not agree to all the requests of the child. By doing this, you will give him the wrong understanding of things.
• When you deny something to a child, he understands that he must ask your permission, respect your opinion and follow the established rules.

6. Do not tell

Do not tell children what to do. Give them a little freedom and you will be surprised by the result.

• excessive moralizing can have the opposite effect on the child. Advise, don't point.
• So the child learns to make his own decisions, take responsibility for his actions and becomes independent.

7. Do not label

Calling a child naughty, stupid, or labeling him in any other way, you evoke negative emotions in him. So you do not motivate the child to behave better, but only underestimate his self-esteem.

• If you want your child to do well in school, tell them about the benefits of good schooling. Do not pressure him, gently explain what you expect from him and why.
• Increase your child's self-esteem. This will contribute to his better behavior.

Finally, practice patience. This is the first rule for parents who use positive parenting methods. It is impossible to raise a child in one day, but over time you can develop positive behavior in him.

How to raise an independent and responsible child? 10 tips - article - Corporation Russian textbook (Drofa-Ventana publishing house)

Being responsible means being able to make decisions on your own and consciously implement them. Independence is not a heavy burden, but a system of skills and values ​​that are useful and important for later life. It will be easier and more comfortable to live with them, make friends and achieve goals.

This is the kind of understanding a child should come to. He must realize that responsibility gives a person respect from others, confidence in himself and his strengths, the possibility of self-control and control over various life situations, and also brings meaning to life itself. Children, like all of us, need to feel that they are important to this world and can make a meaningful contribution to it.

We are not born with the ability to take responsibility for our actions, but acquire these qualities throughout our lives. And how correctly parents, teachers and educators can approach the issue of developing responsibility in a child, how responsible and independent he will grow.

Pay attention to an important nuance: children will be responsible to the extent that we support and guide them.

10 ways to raise a responsible child

1. Learn to clean up after yourself

If your child accidentally spilled a glass of milk, broke a cup, scattered shoes along the corridor so that the laces fall like vines on his nose, do not rush:

a) scold him;
b) put things in order.

Say:

“There is nothing wrong with spilled milk. We will clean everything together now. Help me please!

Then the child will not feel fear and try to lie that it is not his fault.

He will learn to clean up any mess on his own much faster if you treat the situation with understanding. Ask your child for help, even if you think it would be easier to do everything on your own.

Situation: five-year-old Olya left her shoes in the middle of the corridor. Pick them up, call the girl and politely ask to put the shoes in the locker:

- We always put our things away.

If your approach is positive and friendly, the child will not become defensive and refuse cleaning, but will want to help himself.

2. Learning to take care of the family

Find healthy child habits that make a positive contribution to family well-being. It can be friendly communication with a brother or sister, drawing or singing, weekly cleaning with dad to the music, phone calls with relatives, etc. Celebrate this by praising the child, saying that such actions benefit the whole family. Then such behavior will become a pleasant habit for him, and not at all a duty.

As your children get older, their “contributions” may increase accordingly both within and outside the family. Children should share two kinds of responsibilities: self-care and contributing to the well-being of the family. Research shows that children who help around the house are more likely to offer to help others in other life situations.

3. The main thing is desire

If you do not want your child to perceive his contribution to "family duties" as hard work, but treat this activity with pleasure, do not force him to do household chores. Let him have a desire.

Your goal is not to get the child to do some work, but to motivate the child and nurture in him the desire to be useful and responsible. Make work fun. Give as much support and help as circumstances require. Screaming and coercion are never an option. You will achieve a one-time victory, and Senya, Vanya, Sasha and Alina will simply hate washing dishes, cleaning up toys, folding clothes on a shelf and packing a backpack on their own.

Some children become responsible very easily, others require a lot of time and parental patience to develop this quality. But the goal is clearly worth the effort!

4. Learn to be independent and help around the house

The child may have their own household chores. Such duties do not have to be important and can take the form of a game.

It is important to understand that with the help of even small assignments, the child understands what duties are and what is expected of him. It may be as simple as making your bed every morning or putting the dishes in the sink after breakfast, but the child must follow this habit every day.

Important: if you do not maintain discipline and violate your own rules of the game, for example, by allowing "just today to go play, not help with the dishes", the little person will not develop a logical chain. Or rather, it will obviously not turn out the way one would like: “today you can not do it, which means that it is always optional.”

When the child goes to school, the task can be made more difficult: not only to remove your dishes from the table, but also to wash them. This helps to develop the necessary skills of household responsibility.

5. Stop criticizing

A very difficult point, right? Especially if you think that the child should clean his room, just like you yourself did a long time ago. But your child is not you. And you are not your parents.

Try to be patient when the child forgets to do something or does not complete the task the way you would like. When something goes wrong, take it with humor.

In the morning, instead of shouting: “Brush your teeth! Get your backpack!" You may be asking, “What else do you need to do to get ready for breakfast? It looks like we forgot something! And the briefcase is somehow suspiciously light... We must have got a thief mouse!”

Your task is to teach the child to be responsible for his duties, while maintaining a relaxed atmosphere.

6. Creating the necessary conditions

In order for a child to become independent and responsible, it is necessary to create comfortable conditions for him not only psychologically, but also in everyday life. Give him the "equipment" he needs for self-discipline. If you want your baby to wake up on time, provide him with an alarm clock. If you want to keep their desk organized, make sure your child has things to store stationery. Give your child the tools and let them organize their work.

Extra: a child is very motivated if you allow him to choose things for storage, stationery, calendars and planners, decor in the room. Go to the site with him (it’s not possible to go to Ikea or another furniture store yet) and start choosing items. If the child has the opportunity to make the space "his own", he will be very pleased to keep it clean.

7. We give the child the opportunity to figure it out on his own

Parents try to protect the child from all problems and hardships. Very often this is of an exaggerated nature, and children enter adulthood unprepared. A teenager must understand that around him is a rather complex world, where everyone has their own tasks and obligations.

As parents, you should always be ready to listen to your child and come to his aid if he asks for it. But do not forget that sometimes children themselves need to analyze their actions, behavior and the ensuing consequences.

8. Encourage

Sometimes children benefit from work experience for a certain fee. It is not necessary to start with large sums. Try to negotiate with your child about those tasks that are not included in his usual daily routine: washing the car, weeding the garden, watering the flowers, etc. Gradually, you can offer him to do something more substantial, for example, a part-time job during the holidays. In this way, you will prepare the child for an adult and responsible life, where everything has its price.

Example: sixth grader Katya really wanted to get a new book about her favorite wizard, but her birthday has already passed. Mom and dad suggested that Katya make a list of things she could help with around the house and play on a "working day" with a real salary and motivating bonuses. For two weeks, Katya helped her mother with dinner, her younger brother with lessons, and her father in the yard, regularly cleaned the room and walked Dink's dog.

9. Learn to make a schedule

This may seem redundant to some, but in modern life, scheduling and scheduling is considered an extremely useful skill.

Sit down together, take a piece of paper, write the day of the week and the time on it. Then ask the child what he needs to do these days, what plans he has. He will say something himself, you will help him remember something. These may be the most insignificant things, but it is better to include them in the schedule too.

Most children find that this kind of planning reduces their stress levels because they know what to do and when. But most importantly, it helps to manage your time properly and treat your obligations responsibly.

10. Strive to be a good example

Children learn and discover the world through their own observations and parents. They subtly notice exactly how you communicate, behave in everyday life, what your manner of speaking is, and how you yourself keep promises and treat your duties.

If you yourself are responsible for your actions, then the child will begin to imitate your behavior.

Example 1 Negative

— Oh, the cup broke! Well, I'm crooked, huh!

You scold yourself for a minor mistake, the child sees that any of his mistakes in the future will lead to an unpleasant feeling of resentment and, probably, censure from others.

Example 2 Negative

— The cup is broken. Probably, dad left her on the edge again! Well, I told you a hundred times to put it in the closet, you dumbass!

It is impossible to scold relatives in front of a child under any circumstances. There should be harmony in the family - observing your relationships with loved ones, the child builds his own patterns of behavior. And here there is also a transfer of responsibility. It was not mom who broke the cup, but dad is to blame for everything, the "blunder". Double negative lesson.

Example 3. Positive

“Oops, the cup broke. It's OK! I'll be more careful next time. Right, Sasha? We all need to be a little more careful. Let's organize an operation to save the floor from fragments. Bring a broom, I will correct mistakes, and you will help me.

Every age has its own responsibilities

Another question that parents often ask is: at what age can you ask a child to do something on their own?
The list of responsibilities below is just a guide and should be adapted to your situation and your child. Do not forget to gradually increase the degrees of freedom and responsibility that you offer children. And try to give them as much help as they need to successfully complete the level of the quest "until they master it comfortably.

What babies can be responsible for:

• What to wear.
• Eat on their own (unless they ask for your help).
• What book to read, even if parents read aloud to them.
• What toys to play with.
• When to go to the toilet.

What can preschoolers be responsible for (3-5):

• All of the above, plus:
• Their own clothes (within the appropriate season, safety and propriety).
• Their own rooms.
• How much food do you need.
• With whom and when to play.
• Whether to attend social events to which the child is invited (excluding mandatory family events).

What school-age children (6 to 9 years old) may be responsible for:

• All of the above, plus:
• What hairstyle to wear.
• How to spend pocket money.
• When to do homework.
• How to pass the time (after completing basic duties such as homework).
• What kind of sports or physical activity to engage in (the choice of circles is similar).

What 10-12 year olds can be held responsible for:

• All of the above, plus:
• Self-care: nails, hair, body.

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