How to help defiant child

How to Parent a Defiant Child

All parents deal with defiance at some point in their children’s lives. However, some children are persistently more defiant than others. As frustrating as this may be, there are ways to reduce your household stress. Here are some tips for parenting a defiant child.

Look for Underlying Issues

Defiance can stem from a number of circumstances. For some children, being defiant is a way to get attention or take control over their lives. Other children become defiant because of hormonal changes and other developmental struggles. In some instances though, the defiance is the result of an underlying issue, such as a learning disability, autism, oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), childhood depression, trauma, grief, or other conditions.

Try to look for the root cause of the defiance. When did this behavior start, and what sparked it? At Oakland Psychological Clinic, we provide psychological testing services to address some of these questions. If your child has an underlying condition, we can provide a definitive diagnosis. Then you can seek treatment that may resolve the defiance issues.

Take a Break before Assigning a Punishment

When responding to defiant behavior, do not punish in the moment. Instead, tell your child that you are disappointed and will discuss the consequences later. This gives you time to calm down and your child time to think over his actions. If you respond in the moment, you may react in a combative manner. That will only fuel the defiant behavior.

Be Consistent with Disciplinary Strategies

If you say no, mean it. Consistency is crucial for all parenting strategies. If your child knows you will eventually say yes, he will continue to pester you or act out. Grounded for two weeks? Then two weeks it is. No video games after 6 PM? Stick to it. You’ll be setting a precedent that will make parenting easier in the future.

Celebrate Your Child’s Accomplishments – Even the Small Ones

If your child continually defies you, you may become focused on the negative. Every response or reaction you have is to defiant behavior. Try to offset that by celebrating your child’s accomplishments. “Thank you for taking out the trash.” Sure, you may have asked six times before he took it out, but that doesn’t negate the accomplishment. Find ways to lift your child’s spirits so he feels recognized. Otherwise, he may think the only way to get attention is through defiant behavior.

Prioritize Family Time

Family activities create a natural platform for communication. You’re spending time together, laughing together, talking together, and making memories along the way. This open flow of communication may deter some defiant behaviors. Your child feels more comfortable talking to you. Thus he may express his emotions, rather than acting out.

Make family time a priority. Keep cell phones out of reach, and plan activities that everyone enjoys. From family board games to movie nights, the possibilities are endless.

If you would like to get matched with a family therapist or child therapist near you, contact Oakland Psychological Clinic.

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How to Parent a Defiant Child

Every parent of a defiant child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) knows what it’s like to deal with severe ADHD behavior problems — sometimes even the most well-behaved child lashes out, or refuses to comply with even the most benign request. But almost half of all parents who have kids with ADHD live with severe behavior problems and discipline challenges on an almost daily basis. For them, parenting a defiant child is a daily strain.

Severe ADHD Behavior and Oppositional Defiant Disorder Symptoms

40 percent of children with ADHD also develop oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), a condition marked by chronic aggression, frequent outbursts, and a tendency to argue, ignore requests, and engage in intentionally annoying behavior.¹

How bad can it get? Consider these real-life children diagnosed with both ADHD and ODD:

A 4-year-old who gleefully annoys her parents by blasting the TV at top volume as soon as she wakes up.
A 7-year-old who shouts “No” to every request and who showers his parents with verbal abuse.
An 11-year-old who punches a hole in the wall and then physically assaults his mother.

“These children are most comfortable when they’re in the middle of a conflict,” says Douglas Riley, Ph.D., author of The Defiant Child: A Parent’s Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder (#CommissionsEarned) and a child psychologist in Newport News, Virginia. “As soon as you begin arguing with them, you’re on their turf. They keep throwing out the bait, and their parents keep taking it — until finally the parents end up with the kid in family therapy, wondering where they’ve gone wrong.”

[Take This Self-Test: Could Your Child Have ODD?]

The strain of dealing with an oppositional child affects the entire family. The toll on the marital relationship can be especially severe. In part, this is because friends and relatives tend to blame the behavior on ‘bad parenting.’ Inconsistent discipline may play a role in the development of ODD, but is rarely the sole cause. The unfortunate reality is that discipline strategies that work with neurotypical children simply don’t work with kids with ODD.

Fortunately, psychologists have developed effective behavior therapy for reining in even the most defiant child. It’s not always easy, but it can be done — typically with the help of specialized psychotherapy.

What Is the Link Between ADHD and ODD?

No one knows why so many kids with ADHD exhibit oppositional behavior. In many cases, however, oppositional behavior seems to be a manifestation of ADHD-related impulsivity.

[Download This Free Guide To Coping Mechanisms]

“Many kids with ADHD who are diagnosed with ODD are really showing oppositional characteristics by default,” says Houston-based child psychologist Carol Brady, Ph.D. “They misbehave not because they’re intentionally oppositional, but because they can’t control their impulses.”

Another view is that oppositional behavior is simply a way for kids to cope with the frustration and emotional pain associated with having ADHD.

“When under stress — whether it’s because they have ADHD or their parents are getting divorced — a certain percentage of kids externalize their anxiety,” says Larry Silver, M.D., a psychiatrist at Georgetown University Medical School in Washington, D.C. “Everything becomes everyone else’s fault, and the child doesn’t take responsibility for anything that goes wrong.”

Riley agrees. “Children with ADHD know from a young age that they’re different from other kids,” he says. “They see themselves as getting in more trouble, and in some cases may have more difficulty mastering academic work — often despite an above-average intellect. So instead of feeling stupid, their defense is to feel cool. They hone their oppositional attitude.”

About half of all preschoolers diagnosed with ODD outgrow the problem by age 8. Older kids with ODD are less likely to outgrow it. And left untreated, oppositional behavior can evolve into conduct disorder, an even more serious behavioral problem marked by physical violence, stealing, running away from home, fire-setting, and other highly destructive and often illegal behaviors.

What Treatment Is Available to Manage My Defiant Child’s ODD & Severe ADHD Behavior?

Any child with ADHD who exhibits signs of oppositional behavior needs appropriate treatment that usually includes a combination of medication and family therapy. The first step is to make sure that the child’s ADHD is under control. “Since oppositional behavior is often related to stress,” says Silver, “you have to address the source of the stress — the ADHD symptoms — before turning to behavioral issues. ”

Says Riley, “If a kid is so impulsive or distracted that he can’t focus on the therapies we use to treat oppositional behavior,” he says, “he isn’t going to get very far. And for many kids with ADHD and oppositional behavior, the stimulant medications are a kind of miracle. A lot of the bad behavior simply drops off.”

But ADHD medication is seldom all that’s needed to control oppositional behavior. If a child exhibits only mild or infrequent oppositional behavior, do-it-yourself behavior-modification techniques may well do the trick. But if the oppositional behavior is severe enough to disrupt life at home or school, it’s best to consult a family therapist trained in childhood behavioral problems.

The therapist should screen your child for anxiety and mood disorders. Each can cause oppositional behavior, and each calls for its own form of treatment. The therapist may also recommend cognitive therapy for the child, to help him cope effectively with difficult situations.

How Parent Training Can Help Kids with ODD Improve Their Behavior

In most cases, however, the treatment of choice for ODD is parent management training, in which the family therapist teaches the parents to change the ways they react to their child’s behavior — both good and bad. Between weekly sessions, the parents practice what they’ve learned, and report to the therapist on their progress.

“Basically, parent training is about carrots and sticks,” says Brady. “On the carrot end, you work on giving your child praise and rewards for cooperating. On the stick end, you lay out clear consequences for misbehavior, usually involving a time-out or the removal of a reward.”

Parent management training is often highly effective, with the child’s behavior improving dramatically in four out of five cases. Parents who undergo the training typically report greater marital satisfaction, as well as improved behavior from their other children.

While some parents balk at the notion that they are the ones in need of training, “they have to learn how to stop getting into the arena with the child and descending to the level of squabbling,” says Silver. Parents often feed the problem by delivering overly harsh or inconsistent discipline. Instead, parents must reassert their authority by setting up well-defined rewards and punishments, and then implementing them consistently and dispassionately.

“My most important rule is that parents should not take ODD behavior personally,” says Riley. “Remain calm and friendly whenever you intervene. Oppositional kids have radar for adult hostility. If they pick up your anger, they’re going to match it.”

Riley recommends a “two free requests” approach: “The first time you ask your child to do something, give him two minutes to respond. If he doesn’t obey, calmly tell him, ‘I’m now asking you a second time to pick up your coat. Do you understand what I’m asking you to do, and what the consequences are if you don’t? Please make a smart decision.’ If you have to ask a third time, the prearranged consequence kicks in — the TV goes off for an hour, or the video game is taken away.”

How Can Parents Focus On Good Behaviors?

Rewarding good behavior or punishing bad behavior isn’t a revolutionary concept, but with oppositional kids, it’s easier said than done. Parents must rein in their impulse to yell or spank. At the same time, they must learn how to substitute “non-aversive punishments” such as time-outs or the loss of privileges.

Many parents of oppositional children are so focused on bad behaviors that they’ve stopped reinforcing positive ones. Yet positive reinforcement is the heart and soul of parent management training.

“Invariably, parents come to treatment with the idea of suppressing, eliminating, or reducing problem behavior,” writes Alan Kazdin, Ph.D., in Parent Management Training (#CommissionsEarned), a manual for therapists. But according to Kazdin, director of Yale University’s Child Study Center in New Haven, Connecticut, parent training emphasizes the concept of “positive opposites” instead. “For example,” says Kazdin, “parents are asked what to do if they want their child to stop screaming, slamming the door, or throwing breakable objects. The answers involve reinforcing talking quietly, closing the door gently, and handling objects with care and not throwing them. ”

Kazdin maintains that helping parents learn to praise good behavior is one of the toughest challenges therapists face. He says parents are often “hesitant to praise a behavior or to use reinforcers in general because they feel the behavior ought not require any intervention. ‘My child knows how to clean up his room, he just refuses to do it,’ is a typical parental comment.”

How Parents Can Offer More Effective Praise for a Defiant Child

When parents do offer praise, they should be enthusiastic. “An unenthusiastic statement of ‘Good’ is not likely to change child behavior,” says Kazdin. Praise should specify the praiseworthy behavior and, ideally, include some non-verbal gesture. For example, you might say, “It was wonderful the way you played so quietly while I was on the phone!” and then give your child a kiss.

Appropriate rewards and punishments vary from child to child. The more creatively you tailor your program to your child’s specific abilities and needs, the better. But as Russell Barkley, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry at the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston, writes in Your Defiant Child (#CommissionsEarned), “Creativity is always an asset to child-rearing, but it can’t hold a candle to consistency. Consistency in the way you treat your child — the way you set rules, convey expectations, pay attention, encourage good behavior, and impose consequences for bad behavior — is the key to cleaning up your child’s act.”

Never lose sight of the fact that oppositional kids usually have a great deal to offer, once their behavior is under control. “Oppositional kids are also often quite engaging and bright,” says Riley. “They tend to be optimistic and very much their own person, with their own way of looking at the world. Once you work through their defiance, there’s a lot there to like.”

Parenting a Defiant Child: Next Steps

Read: Facts About Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD
Download: Kid-Friendly Mindful Meditation Exercises
Understand: How to Discipline a Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

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View Article Sources

¹Riley M, Ahmed S, Locke A. “Common Questions About Oppositional Defiant Disorder.” American Family Physician (Apr. 2016) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/27035043

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Stubbornness and whims of children 2-3 years old

Stubbornness and whims in children are not uncommon. Sometimes there are complaints only about stubbornness, sometimes only about whims, and sometimes they complain about both. They can alternate in the same child at different ages. Both stubbornness and whims are two sides of the same violation - a manifestation of the difficulties of socialization: in stronger children this is expressed in stubbornness, in weak ones - in whims.

The first manifestations of stubbornness are found in very young children - at the age of 2-3 years. It is during this period that the child dramatically increases activity, independence, perseverance in achieving his own, even the most uncomplicated desires. At this time, the baby may already have his own opinion, which does not always coincide with the opinion of his parents, and tries to defend it. One of the ways to stand your ground is stubbornness - the first attempt to stand your ground.

Parents' tactics during this period should be patient and persistent, but soft in form, familiarizing the child with the rules and norms accepted in society. From the adults around him, the baby learns the correct ways to act with objects: the cat can be stroked, and not pulled by the tail; the book can be leafed through, looking at the pictures in it, but you can’t tear or wipe a puddle on the floor with it. In communicating with adults, the child also understands the first rules of behavior with people: you can count on the help of adults if you ask them for it, but you can’t get your way by screaming, crying, etc.

The desire of parents to eradicate stubbornness is always to some extent the source of this very stubbornness and aggravates its manifestation. Stubbornness is characteristic of children who are energetic, rather “strong in spirit”, with high self-esteem. Is there any point in fighting so persistently against this peculiar manifestation of the child's independence? Wouldn't it be better to direct all the qualities that underlie stubbornness in the right direction? This is possible only under one obligatory condition - respect for the baby.

At times, all children are capricious, for example, when they suddenly break their habitual way of life - they are placed in a kindergarten, but when the situation returns to normal, caprices also disappear. If they become permanent, a habitual form of behavior, then this is a signal of trouble. A capricious child, as a rule, is in a special state of “readiness” for a whim: if a stubborn baby shows his stubbornness only in response to the behavior or demands of his parents, then the capricious one begins to sulk, whine and cry for any reason. If for the “stubborn” the most important thing is not to give in to an adult, but to insist on his own, and if the adult lags behind, gives up on him, he will only be happy, then the “capricious”, on the contrary, rather strive to achieve even more attention to himself, to his person . A stubborn child always has some kind of opinion, desire, goal that he achieves. His favorite expression: “I want! ". A capricious child has favorite words: “I don’t want to! ". He prefers to consistently refuse everything that adults offer him, in the hope that he will finally agree. He really likes to be in the center of attention, therefore, refusing something, the baby practically never offers his own option.

If a child's stubbornness is the result of parents' excessive demands, whims, on the contrary, are the result of their relatives' excessive compliance. The main thing that parents should do is to change their attitude towards the child, abandon the usual “authoritarian” position, learn to treat him not as a completely subordinate and dependent being, but as a person who has certain rights, his own opinion, which is completely deserves respect. A capricious child usually grows up in an atmosphere of universal indulgence to all his desires. He does not meet with a strict, categorical refusal, even in those cases when it is necessary. Such a child is lack of initiative, does not know how to make any effort, is not familiar with the exactingness of adults and cannot imagine another life. Usually, children who are prone to whims value the attention of adults very much and painfully endure its absence. It is not their fault that this attention is most often expressed in endless persuasion or discussions about what the child does not want, but what he wants. It is necessary to diversify the experience of communicating with adults and peers, include them in a common cause, captivate them. It is necessary to encourage the independence of the child in every possible way, to offer him to do something very interesting himself: wash his socks, build a “garage” and put all the cars there, etc. The element of independence in most cases is perceived by preschoolers as a very important and new, previously inaccessible privilege . It is necessary to take advantage of this and in every possible way support the conviction in the baby that he was terribly lucky when, for example, he was allowed to put the plates on the table himself or something else.

In general, in order to eradicate both stubbornness and whims, a conscious change in the behavior of adults is necessary, since the roots of these changes lie not in the child, but in the parents. It is useless to look for the source of stubbornness and whims in a child.

"In the realm of stubbornness and whims."

Raising children can bring pleasure and joy. Any parent devotes a significant part of his life to interacting with children. At the same time, most fathers and mothers are concerned about the question: how to raise a child healthy, smart, successful? Therefore, each family independently develops its own line of behavior and upbringing of children. How to deal with whims? - one of the most frequently asked questions, regardless of the age of the child.

Capriciousness is the aggressive persistence of a child striving to achieve the fulfillment of his desires at any cost. Such a child does not accept any objections and is ready to make a stormy scene for the sake of fulfilling his every whim. It is clear that such behavior brings a lot of grief to parents. Yes, and the child himself, it does not benefit, being fixed as a character trait, subsequently leads to the formation of absurdity, selfishness and quarrelsomeness.

Whims are not always associated with poor upbringing. At different ages and whims are different. A baby cries due to some kind of discomfort, and this can hardly be called a whim. This is most likely a cry for help. At the age of one, three, five years, the child experiences age-related crises, and these periods bring with them vivid emotional reactions in children. During periods of age crisis, it would be correct to perceive whims as a half-natural psychological reaction. At this time, the child needs a special approach and a sensitive attitude. But if adults raise a child incorrectly, then whims and children's tantrums often become a habitual form of behavior.

Spoiled, excessively caressed children often become capricious. Constant attention is too tiring for the baby, and if the child is happy at first, then later he often even starts to cry. This is a predictable reaction of the child's psyche to the fatigue of the endless attention of adults, to which the baby responds with whims. Therefore, before looking for an answer to the question of how to cope with children's whims, it is worth evaluating your communication with the baby.

The opposite extreme is when a child is given insufficient attention, they are treated with indifference. The child begins to act up, trying to attract attention. And children who are sorely lacking in maternal love and affection very often become irritable and begin to lag behind in development.

Another reason for the appearance of children's whims is inconsistency or lack of unity in the requirements for the child. For example, if a mother is more strict with her child than a grandmother, and the mother forbids doing much of what the grandmother is allowed to do, then the child will need quite a bit of time to understand: you can be capricious with your grandmother, but this number will not work with mom. Constantly adjusting to each adult, the child begins to experience a great load on the psyche and nervous system, which invariably leads to breakdowns and whims. And adults cannot develop a common tactic on how to deal with the whims of a child, because they do not have a common position.

Children who do not know any limits are often capricious. They do not develop the ability to restrain themselves, control their desires and emotions. Therefore, it is very important to accustom the child to the necessary self-restraint in a timely manner. The word "no" should be clear to a small child one of the very first. Of course, endless prohibitions cannot be abused. It is necessary to prohibit only what can really harm the child or what he himself can harm.

Stubbornness is one of the most common types of children's whims. It is used as a means of resolving conflicts and contradictions between parents and children. Stubbornness is a peculiar way of self-affirmation of children in the eyes of adults and peers.

Children's stubbornness most often consists in a constant desire to do everything in their own way, in defiance of adults.

The peak of stubbornness falls on the age of about 2.5 years, since at this time children need not only guardianship, but also recognition of their point of view.

First of all, the cause of stubbornness is the manifestation of the need for self-affirmation. Also, the cause of stubbornness is often a violation of the usual rhythm of the baby's life.

In order to understand how to deal with a child's whims, it is necessary to firmly grasp that whims are not accidental and never appear out of nowhere. They always have some reasons, and if adults react incorrectly to children's whims, then they only support and reinforce them. The right way to wean a child from whims is to know the age-related characteristics of the child's psyche. And most importantly - love and great patience!

What parents can do to redirect their child's naughty behavior.

1. Do not talk to the child at this moment, do not explain the reasons for your actions, do not shame him for unacceptable behavior.

2. It is necessary to give the child the opportunity to feel independent and assert himself. To do this, you don’t need to get involved in a quarrel - you need to look him in the eyes and make it clear that you love him, but you won’t let him do that. Offer alternatives to negative behavior.

3. Make sure that the baby understands that an adult is nearby, he remembers and knows about him. It is best to use bodily signs of attention: hug the child, stroke, kiss.

4. Start acting as soon as you feel irritation. If you miss this first moment, then (due to increased negativity) it will be more difficult to give your child your attention.

5. Try to give your child more attention on your own initiative, when he does not insist on it. If children feel that they are loved in the family, appreciated, listened to, they do not feel the need to attract additional attention to themselves.

6. It is also very important that all family members behave in the same way in a situation of whim. Otherwise, your baby will very soon begin to skillfully manipulate dad, mom, grandparents, quickly figuring out what style of behavior to apply with each of them.

"Causes of children's whims".

Many parents are worried about the whims and stubbornness of their children. To the most common suggestion - to wash hands, get ready for bed, put away toys - the child responds either with silent defiance or violent protest. Such reactions in some children appear so often that adults begin to treat this as a natural phenomenon of preschool age. However, it is completely wrong to assume that whims and stubbornness necessarily accompany childhood. Children are not born as such, and this is not their age feature. But still, whims are more often manifested at preschool age. What caused it?

Undoubtedly, the propensity to whims is associated with the age and psychophysical characteristics of children: the younger the child, the more pronounced are the processes of excitation, and in connection with this, impulsiveness, incontinence.

A child's mind and imagination should not be overburdened with many entertainments. Even the most pleasant impressions, but in large quantities, do not bring the child those pleasures that adults mistakenly count on, wanting to give the child something pleasant

But often the causes of whims lie in improper upbringing. The child is constantly crying to achieve the satisfaction of his desires, and adults immediately fulfill them. Gradually, the baby develops the habit of achieving what he wants with the help of crying and screaming. Imperceptibly fixed, this habit becomes a character trait.

The whims of children are sometimes combined with stubbornness. Stubbornness is also a negative reaction to the demands and actions of adults.

Often whims and stubbornness are mistaken for nervous manifestations: the child screams, swings his fists, scatters toys, stomps yoga, lies down on the floor and screams.

Such a scene leads adults into confusion and confusion. The child is lifted from the floor, persuaded, consoled. "Nervous boy! It is necessary to be gentler with him, not to injure him, ”adults think, punishing themselves for the admitted exactingness that caused this“ nervous ”explosion.

How should one respond to such manifestations of childish whims? First of all, learn to outwardly calmly relate to the cry of a child. It is better to leave him alone at such a moment until this state passes.

The extreme degree of stubbornness, the so-called negativism, is expressed in the senseless resistance of the child to any requirements of an adult the child is endlessly reprimanded, everyone forbids him, shouts at him. In this case, stubbornness is, as it were, a defensive reaction against an excessive flow of educational measures

What are childish whims?

Causes of children's whims: whims as a result of the child's morbid condition, his overwork, oversaturation with impressions, deprivation of organic needs, etc.; the lack of a regime, clear rules for family life - prerequisites for the emergence of whims; improper upbringing is the main source of the child's whims (sacrificial parental love, unfailing fulfillment of all the child's desires, spoiledness; inconsistency or extremes in the requirements for the child - unbearable or excessively light requirements; excess or lack of attention to the child); whims as a protest against the injustice of adults.

Cranky or nervous child?

Do whims affect the moral development of a person?

How to avoid manifestations of children's whims: elimination of the causes that cause whims in a child; changing the living conditions of the child in the family and the entire system of education is a necessary condition for overcoming the whims of children; the educational role of the regime and meaningful life of the child.

Whims and education of moral needs: education in a child from an early age of a sense of duty, a conscious attitude to one's own actions; the presence of feasible duties and rules in the family, ordering children's behavior; - the formation of the child's concepts of "impossible", "possible", "must".

ADVICE

- a clear routine and meaningful life of a child is the main condition for the formation of positive stable habits that prevent the occurrence of whims;

- it is easy to distract a small child, skillfully switching his attention helps to stop whims;

- do not say in front of the child that he is capricious;

- do not promise children what cannot be kept, do not achieve obedience through bribery. The child will either stop believing in promises, or will obey, provided that he receives a reward for this;

- do not forget about the unity of requirements for the child on the part of all adults. An instruction given by one of the family members must be supported by the rest, then the child will not seek protection either from his grandmother, or from his mother or father;

- children's whims are the result of improper upbringing, most often they are the property of spoiled children.

"How to overcome children's whims".

Stubbornness and whims in children are not uncommon. Sometimes there are complaints of stubbornness, sometimes of whims, and sometimes of both.

Stubbornness and whims are two sides of one and the same disorder, manifestation of socialization difficulties: in stronger children this is expressed in stubbornness, in weaker children - in whims.

Developing in society, the child masters certain ways of behavior, relationships with people, learns the established norms. The personality of the parents, relationships in the family, the requirements for the child, their consistency, the ability to take into account the age and individual characteristics of the child - these are the main factors that determine the nature of the social development of a small person. The difficulties encountered in this case, behavioral disorders in the form of whims or stubbornness necessarily have in their origin not only the characteristics of the child himself - his character, type of nervous system, habits, etc., but also the behavioral characteristics of adult family members (primarily parents, as well as educators in a preschool institution.

Most parents give in to the wishes of the child, thereby perpetuating capriciousness as a form of behavior. To overcome this unpleasant character trait, adults require tremendous perseverance and patience. And for this it is necessary to be with children as much as possible, to conduct joint activities with them, games, walks. Usually, children prone to whims, value the attention of adults very much and painfully endure its absence. For example, when parents leave their children in the kindergarten, forget to kiss them or wave their hands, the children begin to cry, act up. The educator has to include them in a common cause, to captivate, to engage in activities. Therefore, parents also need to diversify the experience of communicating with children, engage in joint activities, play games with the child. It is necessary to encourage the independence of the child, offering him to do something interesting himself, while it is important to quietly help the baby, not letting his interest in independent actions fade, and also rejoice with him in his successes. The more meaningful the child’s life is and the more he does himself, the less time and energy remains for whims, and in order to eradicate stubbornness and whims, a conscious change in the behavior of adults is necessary, since the roots of these qualities lie not in the child, but in the parents.

Our task, the task of a preschool institution, is to provide optimal, psychologically comfortable conditions for the upbringing and development of children. The whims of children are not uncommon, there is a lot of literature and we hope that with the desire and patience of parents, whims and stubbornness can be overcome. We teach children to fulfill our requirements, do not indulge whims, try not to notice stubbornness, involving children in play activities. Let them express themselves in the game. We give them various assignments, distracting them from whims and stubbornness. But your role is just as important. The task of parents is also to create conditions favorable for the overall development of children in the family, to build the right relationship between the child and parents. It must be remembered that each child has his own "I". It is more necessary to have easy conversations with children during walks, give them instructions that they can handle, develop their independence, and not patronize them too much.

Dear parents! Love your children and be very attentive to them!

How to respond to the whims of children

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children's whims

Children's whims worry many parents: they occur suddenly against the background of a completely safe behavior of the child. Most moms and dads are familiar with the situation when generally calm children begin to act up for any reason. And the older the child becomes, the more reasons for tantrums he may have: they didn’t buy a toy, like other children, they didn’t give him sweets, they went to play on the wrong playground. In order not to form a habit in a child to get what they want with the help of crying and screaming, parents should figure out what are the reasons for children's whims.

Each age has its own whims

The propensity to whims is associated with the age and psychophysical characteristics of children. Most often whims appear in early childhood. Moreover, the younger the child, the brighter he has such manifestations.

Capriciousness in children under two years of age

Under the age of two years, whimsical childhood may be caused by overwork, change of scenery or illness of the child. But they are easy to avoid. To do this, parents need to properly organize the daily routine of the child and make sure that he feels comfortable and safe.

Whims in children from two to five years old

In the period from two to five years, the child begins to actively express his disagreement with the actions of his parents and tries to force them to fulfill their own desires. Adults should not establish dictatorship and put pressure on the baby with the authority of the elder. Such relationships with children are considered the most unfavorable for the formation of personality. According to research, an effective parenting style is cooperation, which is based on the principle of bringing all family members together. You can learn about what parenting styles exist by reading the article “Problems of Education”.

Capriciousness in children after the age of five

Capriciousness in children aged five years and over is the result of an established habit of getting one's way not by dialogue, but by shouting and crying. Recommendations to parents in this case - first of all, ignore attempts to manipulate yourself. Invite the child to think about whether he really needs what he asks you for. If his request cannot be fulfilled, then explain to him why. Your refusal will not be taken painfully if the child understands why he cannot get what he wants.

How to deal with a child's whims: 7 tips for parents

Many parents do not know how to respond to children's whims and give vent to emotions. The child psychologist of the portal "I am a parent" gives advice on how to behave to moms and dads when a child is naughty.

1. Remain calm in every situation

Try to remain calm in every situation. Do not yell at the child: find a way to get your point across to him differently. Explain why you won't do what he wants. If the child does not respond to your arguments, wait until he calms down and can accept your words. In order to bring the child out of hysterics, hug him tightly and hold him in your arms for a while. Tell your child that you love him even in those moments when he is angry, but it upsets you if he screams loudly and throws himself on the floor.

2. Be patient

It is better to wait out a fit of tantrum in a public place without reacting to the child's behavior and the comments of others. If possible, take the screaming baby to the car or take it out of the store to the street. When he calms down, calmly discuss the situation with him and explain that it is unacceptable to behave in the presence of strangers.

3. Keep your word

If you said no, stick to this no matter how much you feel sorry for your baby. Many parents are ready to allow their children anything, as long as they stop screaming. By doing so, they reinforce the child's undesirable behavior. Psychologists advise all family members to adhere to the same parenting strategy. This will help prevent children's whims at the stage of their inception.

4. Use reasonable arguments

Try to “negotiate” with the child. Children over the age of four already understand the connection between their bad behavior and subsequent punishment. To do this, set clear rules for your child. For example, “if you don’t stop screaming, you will be left without cartoons.”

5. Switch the child's attention

Do not punish your child for whims. It is wiser to divert his attention to something else. For example, asking to find some product on the shelves or offering to carry a basket in a supermarket. The need to perform any action will help distract the child from his whims and desire to insist on his own.