How to go about fostering a child

Getting approved - AdoptUSKids

The processes of getting approved to foster and adopt are very similar. Many states require that families applying to adopt also become licensed to foster

States are increasingly moving toward what is referred to as a “dual licensing” process, meaning that parents are approved to both foster and adopt. There are several good reasons for this trend. Dual licensing acknowledges the need for foster parents, streamlines procedures, avoids delays, and recognizes that the majority of children adopted from child welfare are adopted by their foster parents. It also benefits parents and children in many ways. Parents gain experience parenting, especially parenting children who have experienced trauma, children make fewer moves, and the family begins to bond.

In general, there are four steps to getting approved:

Locate an agency in your state. Find state foster care and adoption information on our website or contact us to be referred to your state agency: 888-200-4005 or info@adoptuskids. org.
Complete an application with the agency you have chosen to work with. This may take place concurrent with the next step, pre-service training.
Attend training. These sessions, usually lasting between four and ten weeks, provide an opportunity to learn about children in care, meet other families, and prepare to integrate a child or children into your family.
Complete a home study. All adoptive families, and some foster families, must complete a home study.

Completing an application

This is where the official paperwork begins and where you will meet the caseworker who will help you through the application process.

In child welfare, generally there are two types of caseworkers—family workers who work with families and child workers who work with the children in care. To make the application process as smooth as possible:

Be open and honest both on the application and in the personal interviews with your caseworker.
Supply the necessary information completely, accurately, and timely.
Ask for help if you don’t understand something.
Agree to maintain confidentiality about children in care and their birth families.
Cooperate with the home inspection and required criminal background and protective service checks (for more information on required checks, see Child Welfare Information Gateway’s summary of state laws on criminal background checks for prospective foster and adoptive parents).

If you have concerns about something specific that might disqualify you from fostering or adopting, talk with your caseworker about it. Some agencies may be able to work with your family, depending on the specifics of the incident and its resolution. If your caseworker finds you to be deceptive or dishonest, or if documents collected during the home study process expose inconsistencies, the agency may not approve your application.

As part of completing an application, you will need to be prepared to provide or consent to:

Letters of reference from your employer and those who know you.
A criminal record check at local, state, and federal levels.
Proof of meeting the minimum age requirement in your state.
Verification of income to meet your expenses. (Please note that you don’t have to be rich to foster or adopt and that most adoptions from foster care are free and any minimal fees associated with it are often reimbursable.)

Participating in preservice training and obtaining a home study

The process of training to become a foster parent or adopt from foster care is generally referred to as “pre-service training” or “pre-adoption training.”

While requirements vary from state to state—and in some cases, from county to county—pre-service training programs are almost always required and usually happen right before or at the same time you’re completing your application to adopt. These trainings help you understand what your new foster or adoptive child has been through and how to best integrate them into your family.

Read more about the training required to be a foster parent and adopt.

After you have completed your application and required training, you and your caseworker will need to complete a home study if you are adopting. In some states, a home study is also required to foster.

A home study is conducted to help you and your agency decide if adoption or foster care is right for you and identify the type of child or children who will be the best match for your family. The process—which includes interviews, home visits, documentation of key information, and reference checks with people who know you well and can speak to your capacity to adopt —concludes with a home study report written by your caseworker. This report will often include the age range and number of children recommended for your family. When adopting, the report will also include the conditions and characteristics of the children that you want and that the caseworker concurs you can successfully integrate into your family.

The home study report is often used to introduce your family to other agencies to help them match your family with a child. If you aren’t given a copy of your home study, ask to see it so you can look it over and correct any inaccuracies.

Find out more about completing a home study.

Hear parents talk about the process and cost of training to be a foster and adoptive parent and undergoing a home study.

Things to do next:

Find information about requirements to foster and adopt in your state.
Learn about the process of being matched with a child.
Read about other ways to help children in foster care.

How to become a Foster Parent

How do I become a KidsPeace foster parent?

The application process involves five or six conveniently scheduled visits to your home over a 10 to 12 week period of time. Staff members gather paperwork, interview all family members, inspect the home for safety and fully explain the responsibilities of foster parenting. Our careful screening process helps you determine whether or not foster parenting is right for you, and, if yes, helps us match just the right child to your home.

What qualities should I posses to become a foster parent?

Generally, our most successful foster parents are open-minded, dependable, patient, and willing, to learn new parenting styles for children with different needs. Having a flexible schedule, being tolerant of change, and demonstrating the ability to follow our guidelines are all important qualities for success.

Do I need any special training or a special foster parenting license?

Yes, in some states, you will be required to be licensed, and in other states, you’ll just need special training. In either case, we’ll provide everything you will need, including: orientation to the program, ongoing trainings, regular in-person support, twenty-four hour on-call support availability and other tools to help you learn and develop your skills along the way.

How long will a child stay in my home?

This varies depending on the needs of the child and the circumstances of his or her placement. Some children are returned home after only a few months; others after a year or so. Sometimes, children who can’t go home become eligible for adoption; others remain in foster care until age 18.

Where will my foster child come from?

Children are placed through child protective agencies across your state. They may enter your home directly from their family of origin’s home, another foster home or from a more restrictive setting such as a residential facility.

what kinds of kids will you place in my home?

When it comes to foster children, one size does not fit all. There’s no typical foster child: some kids are stepping down from residential treatment; some have developmental delays; some have suffered unspeakable abuse; some have never been required to follow the rules of society; some have built walls around themselves to keep out the hurt; and some have lost their beloved homes and families. Most will undergo counseling and therapy while in foster care. It won’t be easy to help a child who has known such pain and upheaval, but we’ll train you extensively on how to handle the specific needs of your foster child.

Must I take any child you place with me?

No. Before placement, KidsPeace will present you with available information about the child we believe “matches” with your household. You may request additional information, and you may always accept or reject a child’s placement. Saying “no” does not affect our willingness to call you about other children in the future. We respect your right to do what you think is best for your family.

Will I get to meet the child before he or she moves in with me?

Sometimes. If time allows, we try to arrange pre-placement visits so you can meet ahead of time. In many cases, however, a child’s need for a foster home is urgent, and you won’t be able to meet your foster child until he or she arrives at your door.

Do you offer financial compensation?

Yes, KidsPeace provides compensation to cover room and board costs of foster children. Your local office can explain the current rate structure and payment system. This money is provided to cover such expenses as food, clothing, shelter, transportation, recreation and allowance, and should not be considered income. You will not be responsible for your foster child’s medical costs. KidsPeace does not have a minimum income requirement. However, your income must be earned and should be sufficient to meet the financial needs of your family.

How will my own children be affected by my foster children?

All children are influenced by the behaviors and attitudes of other people, whether these individuals are friends at school, neighbors, or foster children. If your children understand your expectations and have a sense of appropriate behavior and values, it is unlikely that they will be adversely affected.

Do foster children need their own bedrooms?

No. Children of the same sex are permitted to share bedrooms provided that the foster child has space for personal belongings and opportunities for privacy. Children are not allowed to share the same bed. The bedroom designated for the foster child must have a door for privacy and a window to allow for ventilation and a second means of escape in case of emergency.

Where and when do children visit with their families of origin?

When the goal is to eventually reunite the family, visits are crucial to help the child maintain a sense of belonging and identity. Visitation schedules vary and may be scheduled once a week or once or twice a month. You’ll be asked to transport the child to visits, which are generally held in a supervised office setting.

What kind of help and support will I get?

KidsPeace has an impeccable reputation for the support we provide our foster children and families. We maintain frequent, consistent contact, and we’re available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days per year to support and guide you.

What if I'm overwhelmed or I can't handle my foster child's problem?

So that you don’t get overwhelmed, we provide respite care, both on a regular schedule and on an emergency basis. At KidsPeace, we recognize that sometimes placements fail despite everyone’s best efforts. If the situation becomes unworkable, we will move the child to another home.

What forms of discipline am I allowed to enforce?

Your current parenting style will determine how much of an adjustment you will need to make to follow our guidelines. Our policies and guidelines are designed to protect both you and your foster children. We only allow appropriate, non-physical methods of discipline, such as removing privileges, giving “time outs” and using rewards, encouragement and praise for good behavior. Some of our discipline rules:

NO physical punishment
NO withholding meals, clothing, or shelter
NO verbal abuse or name-calling
NO threats to have a child removed
NO physically strenuous work or exercise solely for punishment
NO allowing other children to punish the foster child

Do children ever become available for adoption?

Yes. Sometimes, for various reasons, children are unable to return home and may have a court-ordered goal of adoption. Foster families are always given adoption consideration when a child in their home needs a permanent family.

What should parents do if their child decides to leave the university?

The child successfully passed the Unified State Examination, entered the university, but unexpectedly told his mother and father that he did not want to continue his studies. What should parents do? Agree with the child or try to insist on your own?

The future life of a person largely depends on the choice of profession. Favorite work brings not only income, but also joy and satisfaction from the process. If a person goes to work as hard labor, then over time he may feel worse, develop diseases of the nervous system and depression. Of course, there is no question of any career growth. The same thing happens with students. Guys who don't like studying often lose energy and motivation.

Why is this happening?

A common reason is the discrepancy between reality and expectations. For example, a young man from childhood dreams of becoming a doctor and saving people's lives. But already during the internship, he understands that, unfortunately, the doctor is not always able to help the patient. As a result, the student decides to drop out of school or still graduate from the university, attending classes through force.

Another common reason why graduates choose a profession that is not their calling is the desire of adults. For example, in a particular family, everyone was a teacher or an engineer. The child grows up in an appropriate atmosphere, parents from early childhood decide for him and prepare him for his future profession. Some children are simply afraid to argue with their elders or simply do not want to upset them. And they go where they are told.

Students often form a stereotype about a particular profession. However, they are completely unaware of its features. Such an opinion can be formed under the influence of the Internet, television and peers. For example, today it is generally accepted that the profession of a programmer or an IT specialist is one of the most demanded and highly paid. This is true, and a person who has a technical mindset and loves his job can make good money and build a career. If a humanist enters a technical faculty, he will face difficulties from the very first days of training. Therefore, when choosing a future profession, one should be guided not only by its prestige, but also by one's own capabilities.

What should parents do?

Give your child a choice. Some mothers and fathers believe that their children do not yet have enough life experience, and adults know what is best for the younger generation. For example, parents are opposed to their child choosing a creative profession, because they think that it will not provide them with a comfortable existence, and insist that their son or daughter become a lawyer, programmer, economist, etc. Schoolchildren often listen to their elders, because in adolescence they are not yet able to make an informed choice and trust their fate to their parents. Yes, in some cases, the guys are really lucky: in the process of learning, they awaken interest in the profession, they study well and become excellent specialists. Others will be forced to go to their favorite job all their lives and blame their parents for this. At best, they will find the strength in themselves to master the profession to which the soul lies, already at an older age. The years spent studying at the university will simply be lost.

It is important for parents to remember that by depriving a child of the right to choose, they simply risk getting a dependent person who is unable to take responsibility for making decisions. In the future, such a person will always rely on the opinion of colleagues, spouses, friends, etc. Therefore, moms and dads should be interested in what their child wants. Justifying your expectations, children will simply lose themselves, they will not build their own life, but act out the scenario prepared in advance for them. They will not have the strength to overcome difficulties, they will simply go with the flow.

Put yourself in the place of a child, remember your youth. Remember why you chose your profession, was it your personal desire? Support the child, it is very difficult for him now. So he will see you as a friend and, even if he does not follow all the advice, he will definitely share his experiences with you and ask for help. Pressure, on the contrary, gives rise to distrust in children and kills independence.

Guys who find themselves in a similar situation often feel guilty towards their elders, believing that they did not live up to their expectations. This state does not lead to anything good, only contributes to the destruction of the personality. Praise the child, say that in any case you will accept his decision. Say that he has a whole life ahead of him, and youth is the most suitable period to try himself in different directions.

Sometimes a person likes the chosen specialty, but he begins to doubt his abilities, comparing himself with more successful peers. This situation most often develops among perfectionists who see only the black and white side. Praise the child, mark his achievements. Explain that everyone has their own development path. It is quite possible that in a few years he will not only catch up, but also overtake those guys he is focusing on now.

Do not cut from the shoulder. Sit down with your child, talk and weigh the pros and cons. Ask questions, clarify where your son or daughter sees himself in a few years. Do not put pressure on a teenager, make it clear that you are not a teacher, but a friend who wants only the best for him. It is likely that after such a conversation, he himself will decide to get a diploma, and then look at the situation. Moreover, after completing a bachelor's degree, a graduate has the right to enroll in a master's program in another direction.

Remember that it is impossible to achieve anything in life without gaining experience, sometimes negative. Give your child the right to make mistakes. Even if you are very upset, do not show your feelings, and even more so - do not give ultimatums.

Give your child full support - it is quite possible that in a few years you will be happy with the decision made today.

Our site provides an opportunity for applicants and their parents to choose the perfect university for themselves and their children. With the help of the USE calculator, the selection of a university according to the USE, the analysis of the chances to enter online and all the free tools for university applicants. Also read the step-by-step instructions for admission

How to get a child to study and do homework? Psychologist's advice

The school year begins, and the Internet explodes from parent requests: “the child does not want to study”, “how to make the child do homework?”, “what to do if the child is tired of studying?”. Every parent wants to see in their son or daughter an exemplary student who happily runs to school and diligently performs homework. But what if the child suddenly lost the desire to learn? Should I force it or are there other ways? You will find answers in this article.

Stop overprotecting the child and give reasonable freedom to the emerging personality. At the same time, do not worry about the child, always know where he is, what route he follows, and what is happening around him using the Find My Kids application from the AppStore and GooglePlay.

Contents:

Finding the cause
Correct parental position
How to help a child?
- Psychologist's advice
- 8 effective ways to motivate you to study well
Is it worth doing homework with a child?

Finding out the reason

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To figure out why the child suddenly lost all desire to learn new things at school, you need to find the reason for this behavior. It can be:

1. Lack of motivation

The child does not understand the importance and necessity of the learning process. He is bored in the lessons, he does not listen to the teacher, he prefers to do his own thing or chat with classmates.

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Why don't children want to do homework? The answer is the simplest. They are not interested.

Unfortunately, the school has little practical experience for life and success, and a lot of gadgets and "distractions". Therefore, students often do not understand - why? Why do they need it? And how is it useful in life? It is important to talk with children, to answer these questions. Show, tell on the example of famous "youth" people. Try to use this knowledge together in life. Praise the student's actions.

For example, you can gather a child's friends and arrange a quest "Why do we need math?" The team that finds more practical examples gets a pizza,

2. Problems in the teacher-student relationship

A case from practice. Dasha has always been a diligent student, she liked going to school, getting good grades, making her parents happy. But suddenly the girl's behavior changed. She became withdrawn, irritable, stopped doing homework. And one day she told her parents that she would no longer go to school. Alarmed mom and dad could not get from their daughter what happened to her. I had to seek help from a psychologist. It turned out that shortly before this, the teacher showed Dasha a notebook to the whole class with the words that the girl does the tasks well, but she writes like a chicken paw. All the children laughed. After this incident, Dasha changed her attitude towards both the school and the teacher.

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Even one careless word of a teacher can offend a child and affect his attitude to learning, not to mention obvious conflicts. This is especially true for anxious and vulnerable children.

3. Conflicts with classmates, ridicule, bullying

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Case study. Vanya's parents moved to a new area and the boy had to go to a new school. At first he liked everything, both teachers and classmates, but soon his parents noticed that his son began to skip classes. Attempts to find out why he does this have not been successful. The boy continued to lie to his parents that he went to school, while he himself walked around the city at that time. Soon the director called the parents and announced that their son could be expelled from school for systematic absenteeism. On the same day, the mother of Vanya's classmate called. She said that Vanya became a victim of bullying - harassment. The boys bullied him for not smoking like all the other boys in the class and for wearing unfashionable clothes. Her daughter felt sorry for Vanya, and she told her mother everything, hoping that she could help. Vanya's parents were shocked. It turned out that the son simply did not want to devote them to his problems and preferred to endure bullying and ridicule from new classmates.

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It is important for parents to pay attention to all changes in the behavior of their son or daughter and to be able to help the child in time if he has become a victim of bullying.

4. Unfavorable family environment

When parents constantly quarrel and sort things out, it is difficult for a child to concentrate on learning activities. Well, how can you solve a physics problem when dad screams that he will leave the family, and mom echoes that she spent her life on a worthless person?

5. Parental super control

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There are parents (mostly mothers) who need to control everything that happens in the family. Including the school life of the child. Down to the covers of notebooks and a gift to a classmate for her birthday. What kind of motivation can we talk about in a child, if mom knows better, mom will decide everything?

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6. Low self-esteem, self-doubt

It is difficult for such children to express themselves in school life. Raising your hand to answer a teacher's question, calling a classmate and finding out their homework is a whole problem for them. If, at the same time, parents also make excessive demands on the child and criticize him for the slightest fault, then the son or daughter closes in on himself and follows the path of least resistance. The child starts skipping classes, stops doing homework, brings bad grades. Why try if your efforts will still not be appreciated?

7. Excessive workload of the child after school

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Monday and Wednesday - swimming pool, Wednesday and Thursday - dancing, the rest of the days - art school. Familiar? Many parents seek to organize a super-saturated leisure for their child. As a result, the psyche includes protective mechanisms, protecting the brain from overwork. The child begins to be lazy and put off doing homework until late in the evening.

8. Physiological causes

Hyperactivity, weak volitional regulation of behavior, somatic diseases - this is an incomplete list of what can also affect a child's lack of desire to sit at a desk and do homework.

Combination of causes

The next story is just about that.

Case from practice. Styopa was overweight since childhood and was very worried about it. Physical education lessons turned into torture for him. Styopa could not run a long distance, climb a rope, or push himself off the floor. The teacher constantly scolded him, classmates laughed. In other lessons, the boy also had a hard time. He had no friends, no one wanted to sit at the same desk with him. Stepin's parents were going to divorce, and they were not up to the experiences of their son. A closed and insecure teenager found himself only in computer games. But one day his fate changed dramatically. Through an online game, he met a group of guys who deceived the elderly and took money from them. Soon, the scammers decided to “take into action” Styopa as well. At first it was scary, but gradually he "got a taste" and began to continue the work of his "friends". Finally, Styopa was engaged in a business in which he was successful, and no one laughed at him or humiliated him.

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As you can see, there may be enough reasons for a child not to want to learn. And most often, this is not one specific problem, but a whole set in which parents have to figure it out.

The right attitude of parents

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Dear moms and dads! If you force your child to learn , then it is unlikely that something good will come of it . Everything that is done under duress or under fear of punishment will not bring any benefit. Therefore, let's still not force children to learn, but encourage them to do so. And this will help you a competent position of the parent.

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Of course, you can force your child to learn. But this will have to be done for 9-11 years.

When we force children, we take their responsibility upon ourselves. But we want our children to be independent and do their homework. Therefore, if possible, set the rules for teaching in the first grade. No need to do homework with a first grader - the function of a parent is to help not be distracted from activities. If the student is older, solve the problem with motivation and encouragement,

Adequate perception of the situation

What do most parents do if their child does not want to study? That's right, take the belt. Surely, your parents did the same, and you also often sin with this.

Shouts, swearing and punishments are left outside the door. They won't help. "Horror stories" about the profession of a janitor - too.

Parents need to understand that a child's unwillingness to learn always has a specific reason.

For information on how to properly respond to disobedience, read the article 10 ways to punish a child without screaming, belting and humiliation.

Support

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In order for a child to become more independent and learn to cope with their problems, it is important for them to hear from their parents:

“I believe in you”;
"Everything will work out";
"We will solve this problem together";
"There are no hopeless situations."

Help

Parents can:

explain incomprehensible material themselves;
hire a tutor;
talk to the teacher;
adjust parent position;
go with the child to an appointment with a neurologist;
find a joint solution to the school difficulties of a son or daughter.

Find out if your child is being bullied at school and if the teachers treat him well in order to help and solve the problem in time. Listen to the surroundings and track your child's location in real time with the Find My Kids app from the AppStore and GooglePlay.

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Enter into an agreement with the child, expressly written, real. Clearly state what is due for “voluntary” completion of lessons and what “punishment” is for failure to complete assignments. Incentive events work great with older students, for example, the child did his homework all week, on the weekend the whole family goes where the student wanted. Stickers spelling out the word "well done" work great with younger students,

How to help a child?

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Psychologist's advice

From generation to generation, we have a dislike for learning. Even in kindergarten, they start to frighten children: “When you go to school, the teacher will not look at your whims, she will immediately slap a deuce”, “if you behave badly, you will go to the director’s office.” The child is prepared in advance for the fact that learning will be difficult, uninteresting, painful.

Try to talk about the school and teachers in a positive way. School is the basis, base, foundation of the whole future life of the child.

When a child's feelings are denied, he quickly loses interest in any business, including studies. The child says: “This is a very difficult task. I will never solve it” and receives in response: “You are just very lazy, everything is difficult for you.”

Let the children share their fears and concerns with you, even if they seem unfounded.

A child can find everything he needs in a family. Listen more and judge less, then the children themselves will want to share their problems with you.

The desire to raise a genius out of a child with excellent marks in all subjects leads to nervous breakdowns and low self-esteem, because a son or daughter cannot always reach the bar set by their parents. The same applies to unfulfilled parental expectations, when my mother so dreamed of becoming a ballerina and decided that her daughter must make her dream come true.

The scourge of all parents is the comparison of the child with other children. “And Mashenka gets only fives, and you only bring twos and threes,” “and Svetochka has been doing her homework for a long time, and you keep asking your mother to help.” And the child begins to quietly hate Masha and Svetochka, considering himself a complete loser.

If you compare a child, then only with yourself: “You see, that year it was difficult for you to remember the multiplication table, but this year you crack it like nuts!”

8 effective ways to motivate you to study well

Praise your progress more often, even the smallest ones.
Explain why it is so important to study at school and what it will give the child in the future.
Do not scold for bad grades, the child is already upset by this fact. Try to find out the reason first.
Don't "buy" good grades with gadgets and fashion items.
Talk to your student more often about his dreams and plans for the future.
It is important to teach the child the correct distribution of time after school, so that it is enough for both rest and homework.
The position “not grades are important, but knowledge” is useful for both parents and children.
Do homework with your child only if he asks you for help.

Is it worth doing homework with a child?

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Now let's touch on a question that worries many parents. Should I help my child do homework? If you don’t help, he will make a lot of mistakes in his notebook, forget to learn the poem and won’t even remember the leaf craft.

In 2018, the Mail.ru Children portal conducted a survey among Russian parents on the topic of completing homework assignments. It turned out that the majority of parents (70%), together with their children, sit down to do homework every evening, and only 30% of moms and dads have children do their homework on their own.

And here is what today's moms and dads remember about their childhood:

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As we can see, parents' attempts to control the process of completing lessons do not always benefit the child.

What experts recommend:

In the first grade, parents really need to do homework with their child, but only in order to organize the process itself. Teach your son or daughter simple tricks: first, written assignments are done, then oral ones; a difficult task is first solved on a draft; you need to prepare for the test and exam in advance.
Make a special time with your child for lessons, for example, from 17:00 to 19:00. Help him organize the workplace and space, make good lighting.
Do not refuse if the child asks you for help. But try to do not for him, but with him.
Homework is the same work of the child, and only he should be responsible for it. And not mom and dad, who have already learned their lessons a long time ago.

Remember, dear parents! Your task is not to force your son or daughter to study, but to create an atmosphere in the family where the child can share any problems, where he is not evaluated by marks in the diary, and where he will be helped to acquire new knowledge for future adulthood.

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