How to get your child interested in school

How to Help Your Child Get Motivated in School

If you have a child who is struggling in school and doesn’t seem to be motivated to make an effort, the first thing you want to do is explore whether there is some obstacle getting in his way. Learning issues, social challenges, attention or emotional problems can all cause kids to disengage academically.

But not all kids who are underperforming in school—clearly not living up to their potential—have a diagnosable problem. And there are a number of things parents can do to help motivate kids to try harder.

As a parent, your presence in the academic life of your child is crucial to her commitment to work. Do homework with her, and let her know that you’re available to answer questions. Get in the habit of asking her about what she learned in school, and generally engage her academically. By demonstrating your interest in your child’s school life, you’re showing her school can be exciting and interesting. This is especially effective with young kids who tend to be excited about whatever you’re excited about. Teenagers can bristle if they feel you are asking too many questions, so make sure you are sharing the details of your day, too. A conversation is always better than an interrogation.

Likewise, it’s important to stay involved but give older kids a little more space. If you’re on top of your daughter all the time about homework, she may develop resistance and be less motivated to work—not to mention the strain it will put on your relationship.

Many parents are nervous about rewarding kids for good work, and it’s true that tangible rewards can turn into a slippery slope. But there are ways to use extrinsic motivation that will eventually be internalized by your kid. “Kids respond really well to social reinforcers like praises, hugs, high fives, and those kinds of things,” says Laura Phillips, PsyD, a neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute. “Then they start to achieve because it feels good for them. ”

Ken Schuster, PsyD, a neuropsychologist at the Child Mind Institute encourages parents to use rewarding activities that would have probably occurred either way, but placing them after a set amount of time doing homework. He suggests treats that are easy to provide but that your child will enjoy, such as going for ice cream or sharing a candy bar. He also recommends breaking work up in chunks and using small breaks as rewards for getting through each chunk.

The message you want to send is that your respect hard work. Praising kids for following through when things get difficult, for making a sustained effort, for trying things they’re not sure they can do successfully, can all help teach them the pleasure of pushing themselves. Praise for good grades that come easily can make kids feel they shouldn’t have to exert themselves.

For older kids who have developed an understanding of delayed gratification, sometimes simple reminders of their long-term goals can help push them. It can help many high school seniors who slack off after getting into college to remind them that they could lose their acceptance if their grades drop too much, or they might not be prepared for college courses. “Linking school up with their long-term goals can make the work feel more personally fulfilling,” explains Dr. Phillips.

No one can get A’s on every test or perfect scores on every assignment. While kids need encouragement and it’s healthy to push them to try their best, know that setbacks are natural. Sometimes the only way kids learn how to properly prepare for school is by finding out what happens when they’re unprepared.

One way to take a little tension away from your relationship with your child is finding an older student (either at their school or a nearby college) to help him out with work. Most will charge pretty low rates, and the fact that they’re closer to your kid’s age may make it more likely he’ll listen to what they say.

“Homework was a source of conflict for us,” says Elizabeth, whose son Alex has ADHD. Elizabeth hired a few Barnard students to help Alex do his homework on certain nights, she recalls. “He behaved a lot better with them, and it was money well spent for me because I wasn’t fighting and I wasn’t stressed out.”

Another one of the most important things you can do for your child is to work with his teacher. The teacher might have additional insight about how to motivate your child, or what he might be struggling with. Likewise you can share any strategies or information that you have.

When her son was in lower school and only had one teacher, Elizabeth would call his teacher before the first day, introducing herself and alerting the teacher that her son had ADHD and that he found it hard to focus. She would give the teacher little tips that she had found were useful with Alex: Writing multi-step directions on the board, tapping him on the shoulder while walking past to make sure he was paying attention, and other small tweaks that would be useful to any young child but are especially essential to one with ADHD.

“Make sure that both school and home are of one accord,” stresses Kristin Carothers, PhD, a clinical psychologist. Dr. Carothers often sets up a system she calls the daily report card. With this system, the child gets points from his teacher for things like completing work and following directions the first time he gets them. Then he brings those points home, where his parents give him small rewards, such as extra time on the iPad or playing a game together.

It can be just as frustrating to watch your child withdraw from school as it can be difficult for the kid himself to focus. Elizabeth says that she often feels judged as a parent for having a son who struggles so much in school.

Some schools have support groups for parents of kids who are less motivated, and if your child’s school doesn’t, Elizabeth encourages setting one up. “It’s very comforting to hear that you’re not alone,” she says. “It’s also helpful to hear people who have gone ahead of you talk about how to navigate the school’s system, find a therapist, and talk to teachers. ”

“If you’re feeling yourself getting really angry or frustrated with your kids, take a step back,” Dr. Carothers recommends. “Put things into context.”

It’s also important to keep your goals in perspective: Your child may not become a star student. Make sure to focus on the effort she puts in and commitment she shows instead of the outcome. If you expect perfect achievement from a child who struggles in school, you’ll drive yourself crazy.

“I’m not trying to get my child to be someone he’s not,” Elizabeth says about her efforts to help her son. “I just want him to reach his potential.”

Helping Your Child Succeed - Homework Motivation for Kids

How do you motivate a child who doesn’t seem to want to do his school work?

As parents, we are invested in our child’s academic life because we know how important it is for their future. Unfortunately, our kids don’t always seem to share our concern about their future. We know this because they continue to prioritize watching YouTube, gaming, and hanging out with their friends over their school work.

Why aren’t our kids motivated to do well in school? After all, it’s in their self-interest to do well. Why don’t they want to succeed as much as we want them to succeed?

Here’s the problem. School is an aspect of life that requires discipline and work, and kids need to learn to buy into the value of doing well. Your child must own the importance of doing well himself. Motivation can’t be forced. And if you try to force your child to be motivated, it almost always makes things worse.

Nevertheless, there are positive steps that you can take to help your child motivate himself to do better in school. Most of these steps involve setting up a structure to enable him to have better discipline and follow-through. This structure improves your child’s chance of success, and the taste of success is often what drives motivation.

In my work with parents and kids over the years, I have found the following 10 tips to help put your child in the best position to succeed and be motivated in school.

1. Stay Positive

Keep a relationship with your child that is open, respectful, and positive. Remind yourself that you and your child are on the same team. This will allow you to be influential, which is your most important parenting tool.

Punishing, preaching, and threatening will get you nowhere and will be detrimental to your relationship and their motivation. Your feelings of anxiety, frustration, and fear are normal and understandable. But reacting to your kids out of these emotions is ineffective and makes things worse.

Remember, your child is not behaving this way on purpose to make your life miserable. When you feel yourself getting worked up, try saying to yourself, “My child is just not there yet.”

And remind yourself that your job is to help him learn how to be responsible. If you get negative and make this a moral issue, then your child might become defiant, reacting to you instead of thinking through things himself.

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One of life’s lessons is that we get paid after we do the work. So start saying things like:

“When you finish studying, you are welcome to go to your friend’s house.”

Or:

“When your homework is completed, we can discuss watching that movie you wanted to see on Netflix.”

Enforce this rule and stick to it. If your child does not yet have the necessary discipline, this will help to create it.

Indeed, by enforcing the “when you” rule, you are helping her learn how to do what her brain is not yet equipped to do, which is to be disciplined and to delay gratification.

3. Create Structure for Your Child

If your child is not studying and his grades are dropping, you have a right to get involved, whether he wants you there or not. Again, you’re not there to do the work for him. Instead, you are there to help set up the structure that he cannot create for himself.

The structure might include scheduled study times, having the computer out in a public place in your home, and saying, “No video games or electronics until after your homework is done. ”

You might decide that he must devote a certain amount of hours to study time. During this time, no electronics or other distractions are allowed. You might make the rule that even if he finishes all his homework, he must complete study time by reviewing, reading, or editing.

Some kids do better listening to music while they study, and that’s okay. But keep in mind that this can be tricky because their music is usually integrated with their phones. This means YouTube, Twitter, Reddit, and instant messaging will all be at their fingertips.

If you can’t effectively keep them off those apps, then no phone and no music until their work is done. Just say:

“You can listen to music when you finish your homework.”

Think of it this way: schools don’t allow phones in class, and neither should you.

Understand that this structure is not a punishment. Rather, it is a way to help him to develop a good work ethic and to focus on his school subjects.

4. Meet With the Teacher

If your child’s grades and work habits are not up to par, you can set up a plan by sitting down with him and his teachers.

Have your child check with his teacher each day before coming home to ensure that he has all his homework assignments.

Also, you can ask him each morning to ensure that he brings his homework back to school. For me, nothing was more frustrating than my son doing his homework but then forgetting to bring it to school.

Once your child gets better at managing his time, completing his work, and getting organized, then it’s time for you to back off. Let him do it on his own. Only step in if he is consistently having a problem.

5. Identify a Study Spot

Your child may need a quiet location away from brothers and sisters to study. Or she may do better in a room near others. You can help her experiment, but once you find what works best, keep her in that location.

To keep your child focused, you may need to sit with her while she does her homework. You can read a book or newspaper while she works. At a minimum, be nearby to help ensure that she stays on track.

It’s okay to help her with her homework if she is stuck, but don’t do her work for her. For example, it’s okay to review her work and ask her if a certain paragraph makes sense to her. But it’s not okay to write every sentence or work on every math problem with her. Give just enough help to get her over the hump. Remember, learning how to struggle through difficult material is one of the skills your child needs to learn.

6. Break Assignments Into Manageable Pieces

Decide together whether you need to help him break down his assignments into smaller pieces and organize on a calendar what he should get done each day.

You can get him a big wall calendar or a whiteboard. It could be electronic if that is preferable, but I prefer written tools because electronics can be distracting.

7. Be Firm and Consistent with Homework Rules

You want to be positive and helpful to your child. At the same time, though, you have to be firm. You have to consistently enforce the rules you establish.

Being firm and consistent sends the message to your child that you know he can succeed.

Being firm also means that you enforce the rules with effective consequences. If he doesn’t follow the rules you set up, apply the consequences. And don’t try to shield him from the natural consequences of not doing his work, even if that means bad or failing grades.

In being firm, stay positive. For every negative interaction with your child, try to create ten positive ones. Try to put the focus on supporting and encouraging him instead of worrying and nagging.

And don’t take his performance personally. When you start to believe his grades are a reflection of you or your parenting, then you will be on his case, and it will make things worse.

8. Be Aware of His Anxiety Level

Recognize that much of your child’s lack of motivation (or what looks like irresponsibility) might be his anxiety or shame about academics and schoolwork. Kids may not be able to explain all of this to you because it’s not always on a conscious level for them.

Anxiety can be misinterpreted as a lousy attitude, lack of motivation, and irresponsibility. Often, the cover-up for these vulnerable emotions can take the form of acting out, shutting down, avoidance, or defiance.

While a little anxiety can motivate, too much blocks your child’s ability to think and to have access to the part of the brain that helps him with motivation.

Keep your emotions in check by recognizing that it may be your child’s anxiety at play rather than his laziness. Calmly help to give him a better structure to get his work done, and it will help reduce his anxiety.

And remember that what is happening now may look very different as your child matures and develops.

9. Don’t Over-Function For Your Child

It’s nerve-wracking and frustrating to see your child struggle and not meet his potential. You may feel that your child’s lack of motivation is a poor reflection on your parenting. In response, you react and shift into overdrive to get your child to succeed so that your feelings of shame, embarrassment, failure, or fear go away.

In the process, you may be tempted to over-function by helping to complete his work for him. But don’t do it. Resist the temptation. The more you over-function for your child, the more he will react to your anxiety, which causes things to go further and further downhill. Just set up the structure to help him succeed, but let him do the work and bear the consequences, good or bad.

Be your child’s coach. Set the strategy and give direction, but stay on the sidelines and let your child play the game—Root for him to win and praise him when he does. But don’t be afraid to let him fail. It’s all part of growing up and learning to take responsibility.

10. Don’t Obsess About the Future

When your child seems to have no interest in his life, it’s easy to start fast-forwarding into the future. When he acts like he doesn’t care about anything except video games and his friends, you worry that he won’t be successful or even function on his own. This heightens your anxiety and fear.

But none of us have a crystal ball or can see into the future. Focusing on the negative things your child is doing will only bring the spotlight on them and may set you both up for a power struggle. Instead, focus on your child’s positive traits and help him work on those in the present.

Is he outgoing? Helpful? A good cook? Good with cars or electronics? Focus on all the things that go into a developed, successful person, not just academics and grades. Help your child develop in social, creative, and emotional ways. Remember to always keep the big picture in mind.

Conclusion

For all of these tips, start from where your child is. What I mean is that, in many cases, your child may have a long way to go, and you don’t want to overwhelm him by trying to work on too many issues at once.

Expect that your child won’t like the structure at first, but he will get used to it. Be patient. Don’t expect improvement overnight, but don’t underestimate your child either. Be confident that he will come around and will improve with the structures you have put in place.

Related content:
Sinking Fast at School: How to Help Your Child Stay Afloat
“My Child Refuses to Do Homework” — How to Stop the Nightly Struggle Over School Work

How to get a child interested in studying if he does not want to study?

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Why it is important to get your child interested in learning

How to get your child interested in learning is a question that every parent must have asked himself. Procrastinating and being lazy from time to time is common to everyone, and it’s not scary if these are isolated cases. But what if the child is completely indifferent to the school curriculum, does not want to study and tries to slip away from "homework" under any pretext? How to get kids interested in activities? nine0003

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Strict control and "cramming" under pressure is not an option. Sooner or later, the child will begin to cheat, and family relationships can deteriorate. Nobody likes to be constantly forced. What’s more, such an approach can permanently create a distaste for education. This cannot be allowed, because the world in the 21st century is rapidly changing, and in order to keep up with it, it is necessary to constantly develop.

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A sure way to get your child interested in learning is to create motivation. It can be external and internal, as well as positive and negative. Let's consider these types in more detail. nine0003

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Types of learning motivation

External motivation is associated with some circumstances from the outside, for example, a reward or, conversely, a punishment. External motivation, in turn, can be positive - when a child receives a new phone for good grades at the end of a quarter - and negative - if he finishes the year with a "troika" and therefore does not go to camp.

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Intrinsic motivation is associated with the activity itself and its significance for a person.

Positive internal motivation is when a child tries to get "A"s in order to do well in exams, enter a university in the specialty of his dreams and work as he wants.

Negative - when he understands that if he does not study well, he will not be able to enter the budget.

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The most productive motivation is internal positive. It is she who is the source of all outstanding deeds, implemented projects and accomplishments. People who have achieved a lot in life and in their work are, first of all, people with high internal motivation. But the external one, according to psychologists, will not at all help to interest the child in studying at school. So, Alfie Kohn, the author of the popular book “Punishment with a Reward”, claims that when trying to motivate with a “carrot”, that is, with external encouragement, the child is not looking for a creative way to complete the task, but the easiest and safest. From here arise cheating, solvers, doing homework using the “google” method. What difference does it make how to achieve results if the main thing is not knowledge, but a new phone? nine0003

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So the best advice on how to get your child interested in learning is to make sure that he sincerely loves the educational process. This is not always easy, especially if the school has authoritarian teachers, the atmosphere in the classroom is spoiled, or there are conflicts.

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How to get your child interested in studying: advice from psychologists

Tip 1. Create a mood for learning

If you have some kind of hobby - for example, playing the piano - you are unlikely to sit down when you are hungry, tired, in a bad mood or when you have a headache. It's the same with studying. nine0003

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The child should sit down for lessons calm, rested and full. You can involve him in classes, help him tune in to study, making the perfect workplace with him: with an organizer, stickers, a comfortable chair and suitable lighting. It helps to tune in and review notes from previous classes before preparing homework.

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Tip 2. Keep your child interested

Reward anything positive that comes into your teen's radar. If he likes astronomy and stars, take him to a lecture at the planetarium, buy a sky map and a colorful encyclopedia. There is an interest in reading - visit literary places, for example, Pushkinsky Gory and Yasnaya Polyana, visit open poetry evenings. Try to participate in all activities on the topic of interest to the child, and then be sure to share your impressions with each other.

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Tip 3. Be inspired by the examples of great people

As mentioned above, people who have achieved success in life are walking volcanoes of intrinsic motivation. The Centennial generation loves the success stories of businessmen, entrepreneurs, technology innovators. Read with your child the biographies of Jack Ma, Elon Musk, Sergey Brin. Each of them is an example of constant self-learning. Since childhood, Jack spent many hours communicating with foreign tourists in order to learn English, Elon studied manuals on astronautics, physics, rocket science from scratch and became a great professional. Their success stories are sure to help keep kids interested in learning. nine0003

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Tip 4: Answer all questions

Don't dismiss your child's questions, no matter how naive or useless. Telling everything in detail and with pleasure, you will form in him the habit of being inquisitive, analyzing what is happening around, thinking critically, asking questions to yourself and others. And then you don’t have to force the child to study, he himself will do it with great pleasure.

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Tip 5: Create the Right Environment

It is often the lack of interest in learning among peers that discourages a teenager from learning. The right environment can help instill a love of education. Friends in sections and circles, classmates and mentors, older brothers and sisters, friends from olympiads and competitions - any person who is respected by a teenager can set an example for him and interest him in his studies.

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Tip 6. Learn with your child

Show that you are also interested in learning new things. At Foxford Home Online School, for example, you can watch webinars with your child when you have a free moment. Educational videos and documentaries on YouTube are also suitable. nine0003

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Another good way to learn together is through games.

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Advice 7. Praise and properly criticize

Competent feedback is one of the effective tools of motivation. Praise your child for showing interest in learning, creative solutions, and disciplinary progress. Criticism is also needed, but not in the form of value judgments (“You prepared poorly!”) Or emotions (“I knew that you would let me down again”). Sit down with your child and analyze what worked and what can be improved next time. nine0003

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Do not evaluate the child: “You are very smart”, “Well done, you did the best”. So he will constantly wait for the evaluation of his actions, will become dependent on your opinion about him. It's better to say how you feel because of his actions. This will appreciate the act itself, show that you care, you sincerely worry, and teach the child to pronounce his emotions. For example, if he completed the task correctly, say "I'm very glad that you learned this topic perfectly." Better yet, ask how the child feels after overcoming difficulties. nine0103