How to care for child

7 Tips for Raising Caring Kids — Making Caring Common

Why?

Children need practice caring for others and being grateful—it’s important for them to express appreciation for the many people who contribute to their lives. Studies show that people who engage in the habit of expressing gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving—and they’re also more likely to be happy and healthy. 

How? 

Learning to be grateful and caring is in certain respects like learning to play a sport or an instrument. Daily repetition—whether it’s helping a friend with homework, pitching in around the house, having a classroom job, or routinely reflecting on what we appreciate about others—and increasing challenges make caring and gratitude  second nature and develop children’s caregiving capacities. Hold family meetings that give children practice helping to solve family problems such as squabbles between siblings, hassles getting off to school, and making meals more pleasant. Although as parents and caretakers we always need to stand firmly behind key values such as caring and fairness, we can make our home democratic in key respects, asking our children to express their views while they listen to ours. Involving children in making plans to improve family life teaches perspective-taking and problem-solving skills and gives them an authentic responsibility: becoming co-creators of a happy family.

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• Real responsibilities. Expect children to routinely help, for example, with household chores and siblings, and only praise uncommon acts of kindness. When these kinds of routine actions are simply expected and not rewarded, they’re more likely to become ingrained in every day actions.

• Make caring and justice a focus. Start conversations with children about the caring and uncaring acts they see in their daily lives or on television and about acts of justice and injustice they might witness or hear about in the news, such as a person who stood up for an important cause or an instance of sexism or racism. Ask children how they see these actions and explain why you think these actions are caring or uncaring, just or unjust.

• Expressing thanks. Consider making expressing gratitude a daily ritual at dinnertime, bedtime, in the car, or on the subway. Encourage children to express appreciation for family members, teachers, or others who contribute to their lives.
  

Why?

Almost all children empathize with and care about a small circle of families and friends. Our challenge is help children learn to have empathy and care about someone outside that circle, such as a new child in class, someone who doesn’t speak their language, the school custodian, or someone who lives in a distant country. 

How?

It is important that children learn to zoom in, listening closely and attending to those in their immediate circle, and to zoom out, taking in the big picture and considering the range of people they interact with every day. Children also need to consider how their decisions impact a community. Breaking a school rule, for example, can make it easier for others to break rules. Especially in our more global world, it’s important, too, for children to develop concern for people who live in other cultures and communities.

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• Children facing challenges. Encourage children to consider the perspectives and feelings of those who may be vulnerable, such as a new child at school or a child experiencing some family trouble. Give children some simple ideas for taking action, like comforting a classmate who was teased or reaching out to a new student.

• Zooming out. Use newspaper or TV stories to start conversations with children about other people’s hardships and challenges, or simply the different experiences of children in another country or community.

• Listening. Emphasize with your child the importance of really listening to others, especially those people who may seem unfamiliar and who may be harder to immediately understand.
  

Why?

Children are naturally interested in ethical questions and grappling with these ethical questions can help them figure out, for example, what fairness is, what they owe others, and what to do when they have conflicting loyalties. Children are also often interested in taking leadership roles to improve their communities. They want to be forces for good. Many of the most impressive programs to build caring and respect and to stop bullying and cruelty, for example, have been started by children and youth.  

How?

You can help children become ethical thinkers and leaders by listening to and helping them think through their own ethical dilemmas, such as, “Should I invite a new neighbor to my birthday party when my best friend doesn’t like her?” At the same time, you can provide opportunities for your children to fight injustice in their communities and to strengthen their communities in other ways.

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• Taking action. Encourage children to take action against problems that affect them, such as cyberbullying or an unsafe street corner.

• Joining up. Provide opportunities for children to join causes, whether it’s reducing homelessness, supporting girls’ education in developing countries, calling attention to the plight of abused animals, or any area that is of interest to them.

• Doing “with.” Encourage children not just to “do for” others but to “do with” others, working with diverse groups of students to respond to community problems.

• Thinking out loud with your child. Start a conversation about ethical dilemmas that arise on TV shows or give children ethical dilemmas to grapple with at meal times or in other situations. What should they do when a schoolmate tells them bad things about another child? When they see someone cheating on a test or stealing? When they’ve done something wrong and are afraid to admit it to their parents or caretakers?
  

7. Help children develop self-control and manage feelings effectively.

Why?

Often the ability to care for others is overwhelmed by anger, shame, envy, or other negative feelings.

How?

We can teach children that all feelings are ok, but some ways of dealing with them are not useful. Children need our help learning to cope with feelings in productive ways.

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• Identifying feelings. Name for children their difficult feelings such as frustration, sadness and anger and encourage them to talk to you about why they’re feeling that way.

• 3 steps to self-control. A simple way to help children to manage their feelings is to practice three easy steps together: stop, take a deep breath through the nose and exhale through the mouth, and count to five. Try it when your child is calm. Then, when you see her getting upset, remind her about the steps and do them together.

• Resolving conflicts. Practice with your child how to resolve conflicts. Consider a conflict you or your child witnessed or experienced that turned out badly, and role play different ways of responding. Try to achieve mutual understanding—listening to and paraphrasing each other’s feelings until both people feel understood. If your child observes you experiencing a difficult feeling and is concerned, talk to your child about how you are handling it.

• Clear limits. Use authority wisely to set clear boundaries. Explain how your limits are based on a reasonable and loving concern for your child’s welfare.

Raising a caring, respectful, ethical child is and always has been hard work. But it’s something all of us can do. And no work is more important or ultimately more rewarding.

The following have endorsed these tips: Ashoka, Career Training Concepts / H. E.A.R.–Helping Everyone Achieve Respect, Cartoon Network, Center for Character and Citizenship at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, Center for the 4th and 5th Rs, SUNY Cortland, Character Education Partnership (CEP), Deborah Temkin, Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL), Committee for Children, Facing History and Ourselves, Great Schools, Greater Good Science Center, University of California, Berkeley, HopeLab, Jessica Berlinski, Adaptive Health Systems, Jubilee Center for Character and Virtues, Maurice J. Elias, Director, Social-Emotional Learning Lab, Rutgers University, Michele Borba, National Association of Independent Schools (NAIS), National School Climate Center, Peace First, PREVNet, The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation, YMCA of the USA.

Last reviewed November 2022.

Taking Care of Yourself so You can Take Care of your Kids

Parenting can be downright stressful and hard. Your kids have a lot of needs that need to be met and even more wishes and wants they’d like you to take care of. Before you melt down under the stress of parenting consider this simple advice; take care of yourself so you can take care of your family.

Parents and caregivers who pay attention to their mental, emotional and physical health are better able to handle the challenges that come with raising kids. Studies show those parents and caregivers adapt to changes, recover from setbacks and build stronger relationships. Studies also shown that parents and caregivers of children with developmental and mental health challenges are far more likely to experience; depression, anxiety, marital problems, fatigue and insomnia.

Any amount of time you can take for yourself is very important. Even five minutes a day can be a meaningful reminder of who you are in a larger sense. It can help keep you from becoming consumed by your daily or hourly responsibilities.

Here are some tips to practice healthy mental habits;

Notice the positive: When you take the time to notice positive moments in your day, your experience of that day becomes better. Write down one thing each day or week that was good, even if the positive thing seems minuscule it’s real and it counts and can start to change how you perceive and experience life.

Avoid the feeling of guilt: When you allow yourself to notice your feelings without judging them as good or bad, you dial down the stress and feel more in control. When you feel less stressed, you’re better able to thoughtfully choose how to act.

Set time aside for you and your spouse: Prioritize date nights! As parents it can be easy to forget that your relationship needs some attention too! Get a babysitter or call on the help of a friend or family member to watch the kids. Prioritize date nights or outings where it’s just you and your spouse or partner. It can also help to remind you why you’re together in the first place. 

Revisit things you enjoy doing: Revisit the things you enjoyed before driving to soccer practice took over your life or discover a new hobby. You need an outlet to reset and reflect without the constant needs of your kids taking priority.

Accept there are limits to what you can do: The idea that you are the only one who can help or care for a child or loved one will cause burnout. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Avoid the feeling of isolation: Find a support network outside of your immediate family or spend time with friends who have no connection to your child. 

You may feel like you don’t have time to mingle with friends or start new friendships. Try to focus on the long term. If you can meet up with a friend once a month or go to community event or something similar once every two months, it still helps keeps you connected. Being a parent is an amazing and important part of your life, but it’s not the entire story. Please keep in mind, some parents may need to consult a doctor or family physician in order to manage severe stress or to diagnose a more serious issue that needs medical attention.

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Caring for a newborn baby - a note to mom

During the first year of life, a child makes a giant leap in his physical and emotional development (just imagine that his brain grows 1.5 times!). But parents also learn a lot, especially if the baby is the first. “How to care for the ears, nose, eyes is, of course, very important, and we will definitely talk about it. But it is equally important to learn to feel your child, ”according to Yulia Viktorovna Andronnikova, pediatrician of the highest category, head of the pediatric department of the Center for Traditional Obstetrics and Family Medicine, this feeling of security and love will accompany the child all his life.

All children are different, their needs are different, and mom and dad will have to find their own way, relying on the opinions of specialists and their own intuition.

The only thing that can be said for sure is that extreme is always bad. And in the upbringing of children in the first place.

Breastfeeding

An important aspect of infant care is proper breastfeeding. This is “the core on which the whole care of the baby is wound. Breast sucking is the main interest of the baby in the first months of life, and in the future and for quite a long time - a priority interest. Breastfeeding helps to build the rhythm of life, help the baby in time, calm down, feed," says Lilia Valentinovna Kazakova, pediatrician of the Territory of Health and SM, AKEV breastfeeding consultant. Sucking activates the bowels. This will help to accustom to "planting" from early childhood. Just in case, let's make a reservation - breastfeeding is certainly good, but it is not a panacea and does not guarantee either good health or deeper affection. With other mother's efforts, "artificials" can easily catch up, or even overtake "babies" in all respects.

Bathing, caring for the umbilical wound and skin

Baby's skin is thin and vulnerable, sweating and diaper rash quickly appear on it. Therefore, it is necessary to arrange air baths for the child (the optimum temperature in the room is 20-22 C, humidity is 55-60%). You can bathe daily - the first month for 2-3 minutes (water - about 37 C). Then gradually increasing the time (up to 10 minutes) and lowering the temperature (by 1-2 C). It is better to use baby soap / foam less often - once a week, not more often.

"Never bathe your baby on an empty stomach." This is not a swimmer's training, but a relaxing and hygienic procedure. The kid should be calm and contented with life," reminds L. V. Kazakova. When taking it out of the water, wrap it in a large towel and immediately breastfeed (eat). He sucks, dries, calms down, and after 10-15 minutes you will calmly do everything you need. Use only sterile water to treat the remaining umbilical cord (other solutions may interfere with the natural healing process). After rinsing, dry thoroughly with a clean towel (not cotton! To avoid leaving fibers on the navel).

Hygiene for girls and boys

“The first and most important thing for a newborn girl is not to injure her genitals by mechanically removing the lubricant (she will go away on her own over time). Rinse with warm water (use soap once every 3-4 days), and then be sure to moisturize (distribute 1 drop of oil over the entire washed surface),” Galina Vladimirovna Ovsyannikova, an obstetrician-gynecologist of the Health Territory, advises washing from front to back (for this it is more convenient keep your daughter upside down). For signs of inflammation, take chamomile baths, and for more severe redness, treat with Miramistin. Another important - exclusively "female" - nuance of hygiene: "Immediately after birth, a neonatologist-pediatrician should look at the genital gap. Mom needs to be constantly monitored until 5-6 years old so that she does not overgrow (once every 3-4 days).

For boys, pediatricians recommend washing the genitals only from the outside (up to adolescence): during the day, if necessary, wipe with wet baby wipes, and in the evening, while bathing, wash with warm water from the outside and do not climb anywhere else (closing foreskin and smegma are the best natural defense against bacteria)! As for phimosis, up to 3 years is the norm, and a variant of the norm almost until adolescence.

Eye Care

The eyes of a newborn do not require special care. Everything that accumulates on the surface of the baby's eye is removed on its own when the baby blinks. In the morning, in the corners of the eyes, you can see the mucus accumulated during the night - this is also the norm. Rinse the eyelashes / eyelids of the baby with boiled water, wiping with a cotton swab from the outer corner to the inner.

The cause of profuse discharge from the eyes of a newborn may be dacryocystitis, blockage of the nasolacrimal canal. "Proper massage allows you to cope with this disease by the age of 2 months." Massage is simple, but it will be better if a specialist shows it. Also, ophthalmologist Anastasia Borisovna Petukhova recalls that the first examination by an ophthalmologist is immediately after birth, while still in the maternity hospital, and the second is at the age of 1 month: “It is a mistake to think that nothing can be done if the child is still very small. For example, a congenital cataract is operated on at the age of 2-3 months, while later surgical treatment may not be as effective.”

Nose and ear care

Yes, they can and should be cleaned. But the main thing is not to overdo it, warns the otolaryngologist, homeopath and mother of three children Ekaterina Vladislavovna Polinskaya: “You only need to clean the auricle (by no means the ear canal!) After bathing the child.” A small child still does not know how to blow his nose himself (he will learn this by the age of 2-3), so you can instill drops in him in the morning and in the evening based on isotonic sodium chloride solution. Children under one year of age do not need to use sprays - the auditory tube is still short and wide, this can provoke a rapid reflux of infection from the nasal cavity. The same applies to instillation of breast milk into the nose. “This is physiologically unreasonable and blocks the mucociliary clearance of the nasal cavity. Yes, milk contains proteins, fats and carbohydrates, as well as protective antibodies that are necessary for the baby. But they must still act through the oral cavity, ”explains the doctor.

Fundamentals of Fundamentals

Not all advances that make life easier for older people benefit the younger generation. Due to the constant use of diapers, pediatrician Yulia Viktorovna Andronnikova warns, the child may have difficulties with the formation of toilet skills, in the "diaper" he does not feel "bottom", does not realize that he is pissing - he does not have the necessary feeling of discomfort for this. Instead of disposable diapers, pay attention to "reusable" cloth diapers - they help to form the necessary skills much faster and are more physiological. The next important task for parents of babies up to a year, according to Yulia Viktorovna, is to teach them to chew and swallow correctly! “Our children drink and eat everything puree until almost 3-4 years old! This has a bad effect on chewing skills, diet. Does not "teach" the stomach to work normally. And finally, you need to organize a sleep schedule. “Unfortunately, modern children often live in a mode that is convenient for their parents: late bedtime, late rising. Whereas all the hormones necessary for the growth and proper formation of internal organs work precisely in sleep, moreover, from nine in the evening. Hug, kiss and rejoice... Together!

And finally, the most important thing. The mental development of the baby, the development of different parts of the brain, and, therefore, different sensory organs, depend on the external impressions that he receives in the first year of life. “Without the proper experience of one-on-one communication with a caring adult, the orbito-frontal cortex is unlikely to be sufficiently developed. It has been found that the baby's heart rate synchronizes with the parent's, so if the parent is relaxed and calm, so will the baby. The mother's nervous system essentially communicates with the baby's nervous system, calming it down through touch." (Sue Gerhardt "How Love Shapes the Baby's Brain").

By hugging our baby, we, in fact, develop and strengthen it. But we don’t spoil at all and we teach it to be handled, as other grandmothers assure us. Nod to these grandmothers and hug your little (yet small) happiness even more tenderly: this will only make it stronger!

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