How often should a child see their grandparents

How Often Should Grandparents See Their Grandchildren?

Understandably, grandparents want to spend time with their grandchildren and develop a close relationship with them by sharing stories, giving cuddles, and joining in with activities.

This can, however, sometimes be easier said than done if there is a substantial distance to contend with or if their grandparents have a tendency to be overbearing. If you are wondering how often your children should see their grandparents, there is no 'one size fits all' answer but here at Kidadl, we have put together some handy information that can help you make a well-rounded decision and set boundaries that work for you and your children to create a good child/grandparent relationship.

For more parenting guidance, check out our guide to the children see, children do approach and our discussion of social media and self esteem.

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How Often Should Grandchildren See Their Grandparents?

The answer to this question will most certainly depend on how far away their grandparents live, your family setup, and whether their grandparents are involved in their childcare in any way. If your children have grandparents who live in the same town, then it is reasonable to think they will see their grandchildren once a week or once a fortnight, but maybe just for a few hours a time. If they live in a different state to their grandchildren, then this frequency might be three or four times a year but for a period of a week or so each time.

How Much Should Grandparents Be Involved?

This really depends on the level of involvement that you, as parents, think you'll be happy with. There will be many grandparents that hope to spend as much time with their grandchildren as possible but it is when this hope turns into an expectation that it becomes problematic.

If you are part of a close-knit family, then you may also be anticipating that your children get to see their grandma and grandpa frequently and you may even be hoping that they'll be available to help look after your children on occasions where you have to work or have a planned trip away.

If you are independent or your relationship with your own parents or in-laws is strained, then you may have different feelings about how often your children will see their extended family. Either way, it is important to clearly communicate your boundaries early on and decide on what is best for your family.

How Often Should Great Grandparents See Their Grandchildren?

Depending on your family tree, you may have grandparents who will want to be a part of their great grandchildren's lives. Depending on their age, the way that they spend time with their great-grandchildren may be quite different from how your parents spend time with them. If they are elderly and not very mobile, it might be a case of popping in for a few hours a few times a year as they aren't able to play with their grandchildren or go on outdoor excursions.

Navigating A Long-Distance Relationship Between Your Children and Their Grandparents

Grandparents who don't see their grandchildren miss out on being part of their important life milestones which can be upsetting for both parties. If a lack of physical contact between a grandchild and their grandparents is down to distance, then there are things you can do to ensure that a relationship between your child and each grandparent can still flourish.

Make Use of Technology

In the age of apps, cell phones, and other handheld devices, building a long-distance relationship is that much easier than it was 20 or even 10 years ago. Even when your parents or in-laws can't physically be with their grandkids, they can still keep in touch and even partake in a range of fun activities with their grandkids.

A general phone call or face time once a month is a great place to start and gives your child the opportunity to talk to their grandma or grandpa about what they have been up to at school, any sports activities or hobbies they are enjoying, and so on.

In addition, you could schedule times where your child can do something fun online with their grandparents such as listen to them tell a story, play a game or even do some baking together, at a distance!

Keep Them Updated

Now, this suggestion does take a little time and effort but it can be a really nice way to keep grandparents up-to-date with the lives of their grandchildren and make them feel a part of it. If the grandparents have a computer or smartphone then you can set up an email address for them to which you can send pictures, drawings, and anecdotes; almost like an online diary of their grandchild's life. If they don't have access to such technologies, then a handwritten letter and some printed photos each month would be just as special.

Plan Reciprocal Visits

Cross-country visits to grandma can be taxing and expensive but there is always the option to allow your parents to visit their grandchildren closer to home too. If you have space in your house, then why not welcome grandparents once or twice a year to stay for a week? If they do the same, then there are already two to four occasions each year where your child will be able to spend time with their grandparents. If you don't have space at home, then discuss the cost of a nearby rental or hotel as that way, they'll still be close enough to be able to come over to your house and take part in activities like family meals or days out.

Benefits Of Children Seeing Their Grandparents Often

As well as helping bring the family closer together and helping share the childcare load with parents, it is said that when a grandchild sees their grandparents on a regular basis, it is actually beneficial to their overall wellbeing and emotional intelligence.

Promotes Happiness

The grandchild/grandparent relationship is beneficial for not just the grandchild and grandparent but also for the parent as well. A grandchild spending time with a grandparent, especially if they live far away, is special for both of them and it can also provide a much-needed break for parents. In instances where grandparents are retired, they may have more energy and patience for their grandchild when playing with them too. What's more, many grandchildren will view their grandparents as another source of support and advice that can help with wellbeing and make grandparents feel like an important part of their grandchild's life.

Development Of Social Skills

Socializing with a wider circle of people is great for children as it gives them the opportunity to develop their communication, try new activities and meet people from different walks of life. Spending time with their extended family also gives them the chance to ask questions and listen, enhance their emotional capacity and learn from additional role models aside from you as their parents.

Exploration of Family History

Your parents will be able to provide insight into your family history that you may not through memories, photos and first-hand experience of years gone by. Many grandchildren love hearing about when each of their parents was a baby and when their grandparents were younger, and it helps them develop a deeper connection to their family heritage.

The Drawbacks of Your Child Seeing Their Grandparents Too Often

Whilst there are plenty of positives to your children seeing their grandparents regularly, unfortunately, there can also be some downfalls to think about. If you begin to notice anything about your parent's or child's behavior that you aren't happy with, it is best to raise it as a matter of discussion with them quickly, and take steps to deal with it together.

Blurred Boundaries

If your child spends too much time with your parents or your partner's parents, it can lead to a situation where they don't know who to listen to when instructions are given and a lack of clarity over routines, especially when speaking about a baby or infant. To avoid this happening, have a conversation with grandparents from the start about the routines you have put in place with your child and update them with any changes. So, for example, if your eight-year-old has a bedtime of 7 p.m., make sure that if the grandparents have their grandchild overnight, they stick to this time too.

Unhealthy Attachments

Now, this doesn't just refer to your child having unhealthy attachments to their grandparent but also the development of toxic traits from the grandparents too. It can be difficult for grandparents to recognize the difference between being a parent and a grandparent and once you have a baby, you may find that they want to spend all their time with your child. In addition, you may feel like there is a favorite grandchild or that your parents use tangible gifts in exchange for affection which is unhealthy and can be detrimental to your child. If you begin to notice any of these toxic traits in a grandparent, be sure to address them straight away by clearly setting your boundaries and calmly explaining why their behavior is upsetting.

Copying Of Habits

Children have a tendency to copy what they see so if they happen to be around people with habits such as swearing, rudeness, or untidiness, there is a strong chance they will begin to replicate these. If your parents are spending time with your children, then make it clear to them that they need to mirror the behavior you show to your child and that they need to help you reinforce the values you have worked hard to instill in your offspring.

Creating Grandparent Boundaries

Whether it be your own parents or your mother-in-law, it is not uncommon for grandparents to sometimes step over the line when it comes to their grandkids. Disregarding instructions you have given, undertaking activities that aren't appropriate for your baby, or even undermining you in front of your child are all examples of grandparents overstepping boundaries. Whilst it can be difficult to have a conversation about this with them, it is important that you do so. If you need to know how to tell grandparents to back off in a calm but direct manner, we have some top tips that might help.

Overbearing Grandparents

The arrival of a new baby can cause conflict across the family and this doesn't necessarily go away once the child gets older. If you are dealing with an overbearing grandparent who tries to push their opinions onto you or tries to dictate how you should parent, then you'll need to take a firm stance with them. You can tell them that whilst you value their advice and will take on board their comments, you are finding your own parenting approach that works for you and your children and that will not necessarily be the same as how they did it or what they think is best.

Grandparents Crossing Boundaries

Grandparents disrespecting parents can be really detrimental, not just to the relationship between the parents and grandparents but also between the parent and children as well. If you find you are constantly being undermined or that your child's grandparents are frequently acting against your parenting wishes, then you'll need to speak up. It is OK to call out their behavior and if they don't make changes after such discussion, then you may need to think about how often your children see them.

Managing Expectations

You might find that you and your parent's expectations align with regards to how often they see their grandchildren, but if not, there are some things you can do.

For example, it might be worthwhile telling them that unplanned drop-ins are not appropriate and that they need to call ahead of time for planned visits. This gives you time to prepare and shows that your family's time is governed by you, not them.

If you found this article helpful, then why not take a look at how to deal with grandparents disrespecting parents, or how to talk to your doctor about anxiety?

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How Often Should Grandparents See Their Grandchildren

Setting boundaries is one of the most difficult things that people do in relationships. One of the most difficult relationships that most people will navigate in their lives is the one they have with their parents.

The birth of a grandchild is usually a much-celebrated event in families, but it can cause unforeseen relationship issues.

You and your children may have differing views in terms of how often you should see your grandchildren, but a number of experts say that grandparents who find themselves asking this question may have stopped listening to the needs of their adult children.

In this article we will break down the best ways to foster a healthy relationship with your grandchildren while not being overbearing to your children.

How to Build the Grandchild-Grandparent Relationship

Though cultivating a relationship with your own child is one of the most important things you can do to maintain a healthy relationship with your grandkids, if you’ve already got a strong bond with your child, you can build a good relationship with your grandchild through some of the following:

1) Shared Activities

One of the best ways to build a good grandchild-grandparent relationship is through shared activities. Chances are that both you and your grandchild each have some favorite activities, and sharing these activities with each other can be a great way to build a relationship.

For example, cooking, watching ball games or other sports, and even just walking through nature are all examples of activities that could be shared with a grandchild! Ask your grandchild to share some of their favorite pastimes with you too. Asking questions and showing a genuine interest in their interests and hobbies will help build the relationship, and as a bonus, you might get to learn something new too!

2) Passing on Family Traditions

Grandparents tend to be the source of some of the richest family traditions. As a grandparent, you have knowledge of the traditions that have been passed down for generations in the family and can share these traditions with the youngest members of the family: the grandchildren! Often, grandchildren have an avid interest in family traditions and it can be entertaining for everyone to learn more about these things.

If you decorate the Christmas tree with a specific set of ornaments, have a yearly habit of going golfing with all the men in the family, or enjoy baking sugar cookies every Halloween, invite your grandchildren to be a part of things! Involvement in family traditions is crucial to a feeling of belonging in a family, and so by involving your grandchildren in these activities, you’ll be building a relationship with them as well as helping them find their special place in the family.

3) Stories

Sharing stories from when you were the same age as your grandchild is a great place to start when it comes to storytelling. Kids love stories! And there’s nothing better than a true story about a real-life family member from the recent or distant past. Telling stories about yourself when you were younger or about other family members intrigues kids of all ages, and it’s a good way to find similarities between yourself and your grandchild that neither one of you may have thought of before!

Kids love stories about family and their ancestors because it gives them an opportunity to understand themselves better, too. If you start by telling stories about yourself when you were your grandchildren’s age(s), you’ll certainly start to also remember more stories that your grandchildren would enjoy from other times in your life or about other family members and friends.

4) Enhance Your Relationship With Your Child

Although it might seem like you should try to directly connect with your grandchild, it can actually have a greater and more positive impact to first try and enhance and improve your relationship with your child. Children watch their parents’ behavior carefully to decide how to behave and what to do, and if your relationship with your child is tense and fraught with difficulty, your grandchild is sure to notice and respond accordingly to you. If your relationship with your child is strained, your relationship with your grandchildren will also be strained.

Simultaneously working on your relationship with both your child and your grandchild can be a very positive experience. It’s important to still pay attention to your child, even now that they’re adults. The relationship may have changed, but that doesn’t mean it’s gone! When your children feel loved and taken care of by you (even as adults), this is more likely to translate into a better and healthier relationship with your grandchildren, too.

What grandparents should not do?

While there are a lot of things that grandparents can do to improve their relationship with their children and grandchildren, there are also some key things that grandparents should not do. Here are some of the things that grandparents should avoid doing if they want to maintain a good relationship with both their own kids as well as their grandkids:

· As a grandparent, you should NOT let other people watch/hold a grandchild when you are supposed to be watching them.

If your children expect you to be watching the grandchild, you need to be watching them. It might not seem like a big deal to you to leave your grandchild in the care of a trusted friend for a moment or two, or to hand your grandchild off to be held for a minute, but it can be a huge betrayal of trust for the parents.

· You should NOT disregard your children’s rules regarding how to care for the grandchild(ren).

Bed times, dietary requirements, disciplinary strategies, and other care practices that your children use with their kids may be different than what you did with your kids when they were growing up, but it’s essential to respect your child’s rules for their children if you want to stay in good standing with your kids and grandchildren.

· Do NOT give your grandchildren a lot of sweets and sugary treats.

Lots of grandparents love to lavish their grandchildren with candies and pastries, but unless it’s sanctioned by the parents (and it usually isn’t), this should not be done. Sending the grandkids home with their parents when they’re “high” on sugar can be a nightmare for your adult children who are left to deal with the clean-up, and if you do this regularly, it can make your kids feel less inclined to bring the grandkids over for visits.

· Do NOT make comparisons between your children and your grandchildren.

Even though you may love your grandchildren dearly, remember that you love your own children too and that although the two have similarities and differences, they are both near and dear to your heart. Making comparisons that make your kids or your grandkids seem better or worse than the other will only create distance and discomfort for everyone involved.

· Do NOT expect your grandchildren to partake in certain activities.

Even if you or your grandchild’s parents loved to play music, bake, or read a certain book series, that doesn’t mean that your grandchild will like the same activities. Encouraging your grandchildren to try new things that you think they might enjoy is one thing, but forcing them into activities they don’t like because you like them is something different.

· Do NOT play favorites with your grandchildren.

Avoid playing favorites with your grandchildren, since this can create a painful dynamic between the grandchildren and can also be painful for their parents. Even if you have a favorite grandchild, it’s important to treat each grandchild equally with love.

Understanding Boundaries as a Grandparent

According to experts on the American family, Lynne M. Casper and Suzanne, M. Bianchi, the ability for grandparents to be tightly knit into the family depends on geographical distance (or lack of it) along with family structure. These two things work together or against each other to create a dynamic that either fosters a strong relationship or creates obstacles to it.

Grandparenting styles will depend on the number of things grandparents have in common with their grandchildren and how often they’re able to see each other. If grandparents live a long distance from their grandchildren and they have a poor relationship with their adult children, this will create inevitable challenges in the relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren.

Physical distance is a natural boundary that can get in the way of close relationships, but not always. Video and phone communication can sometimes bridge boundaries created by physical distance, but very young children won’t be able to respond to this media to make tight relationships until they’re old enough to have abstract thoughts. So, if your grandchildren are very young, it’s important to realize that the closeness of your relationship with them will be affected to some extent by the physical distance between you and them.

So, if you live on one side of the globe and your children live on the other, how can you maintain a close connection with your grandkids? Many grandparents overlook the fact that the relationship with their children should always come first, before their relationship with their grandchildren. They are parents first and grandparents second.

By creating a strong bond with your child and his or her significant other, you create an important, ongoing position for yourself in the family. If you have a strong bond with them, your adult children will keep the memory and idea of you alive with their children. They’ll tell stories about you and remind your grandkids to think of you. When children are young, they use their parents as role models to understand how to respond to people outside of the nuclear unit, so this is one of the most important ways in which your bond with your grandkids can be maintained.

As the parent of an adult child, you need to acknowledge that your child is an adult and treat them with respect while recognizing the challenges they face at the particular developmental age that they’re at. If your child is in their 20’s, then you would be wise to remember what it was like to be in your twenties, for example.

Young people at this age often struggle with career, finances, the early stages of marriage or even sometimes divorce or separation, and all of the auxiliary issues that go along with these things like finding adequate housing, settling into a work schedule, and balancing the demands of parenthood.

Giving advice is not usually the best way to parent adult children over the age of 20 years unless advice has been specifically requested, but if you want to be welcome at your child’s house to see the grandchildren, then be supportive and suspend your judgment of your child and his or her partner as long as the grandkids are being adequately cared for (fed, sheltered, and kept safe) and loved.

How often should grandparents visit their grandchildren?

The author of Intentional Parenting: A Contemporary Guide, Peggy Edwards, says that the length of grandparent visits depends on the comfort-level of the parents at having visitors in the home. According to her research, grandparents who live at a long distance tend to travel less often to visit and they stay longer, but the average number of visits that long-distance grandparents make each year is two to four times for trips lasting 5 to 10 days each.

But of course, every family is different and just because an expert says that a certain number of days or instances of visits is good does not mean that this will work for your family. One of the issues with following expert advice is that it may or may not take your adult child’s needs into consideration and you still need to be a parent to the adult child first. Show love, respect, and consideration toward your adult child. Ideally, the amount of time you spend with the grandkids should be determined through dialogue with your adult children.

Daycare or grandparents?

Another child-rearing expert, Emily Slone, cites cultural changes in western society and transitions as a cause for many of the family issues that exist today when grandchildren are born into the family. Years ago, grandparents were looked to for advice and assistance with child-rearing, but today, the healthcare system now functions as the “expert”.

Few people realize that when daycare was first proposed, just prior to World War II, studies by Albert Bandera (the developer of Attachment Theory) demonstrated that very young children did poorly in these environments. But during World War II, many women had to go to work anyway, so this research was swept under the rug and children went to daycare anyway. Today, daycare is a fixture in society, but studies still demonstrate that young children (under age 5 years especially), tend to be emotionally much healthier when they are raised by at least one dedicated caregiver who is truly invested in their well-being. At daycare, children never know who their caregiver will be from one day to the next.

As a general rule, daycare is not considered an optimal environment for very young children, but some parents opt for daycare rather than soliciting grandparents for help because grandparents will not obey the parent’s wishes or they impose judgment on their adult children for having a way of life different than their own. Grandparents who wish to function as daycare for their grandchildren need to see the bigger picture and understand that in order for their house to be a better situation than daycare, they must be supportive toward the family unit as a whole and toward their adult children in particular!

What is a toxic grandparent?

A toxic grandparent is someone who loves their grandchildren, but who is critical, judgmental, and manipulative within the family unit. Their behavior creates turmoil that is destructive, rather than supportive toward their children and the family as a whole. Many toxic grandparents view their behaviors as “helpful” in that they think they are contributing toward the betterment of their children’s and grandchildren’s lives.

So how do you know if you’re a toxic grandparent or not? If your children have systematically worked to exclude you from their home or their lives, you might be a toxic grandparent. Most children want their parent’s support and they want their children to be loved and supported by their parents as well. So, if your children are trying to exclude you from the family and they are telling you that you are critical or manipulative or toxic, then it may be time to make some big changes if you want to maintain contact with your grandchildren!

If you think you might be a toxic grandparent and you’re afraid of being excluded from your grandchildren’s lives, consider going to a therapist or seeking out change therapies that would help you work on your own issues. Solicit help from trusted therapists or mediators to communicate with your children in ways that are constructive and beneficial for both parties. And keep trying to communicate with your children to let them know that you love them, no strings attached!

The procedure for communicating with a grandmother's child

The procedure for communicating with a grandmother's child is legally fixed. And it is a pity that the parents of the child violate it. So, we will tell a case from our lawyer practice on the issue of determining the procedure for communicating with a child in the grandmother's court.

Contents of the article:

Is it possible to forbid a grandmother to see her grandson?
How to prove that a child should not communicate with his grandmother?
Order of communication between children and grandmother
Judicial practice on the procedure for communication between a child and a grandmother

Can a grandmother be forbidden to see her grandson?

A grandmother can only be banned from communicating with her grandchildren through a court order. At the same time, the grounds for limiting the communication of a child with a grandmother may be the presence of actions on the part of the grandmother in relation to the child that negatively affect his mental state, state of health, namely:

The grandmother threatens the life and health of the child. Such actions include:
- Grandmother teaches her grandson to gamble
- Grandmother abuses alcohol or drugs
- Has a history of abuse of one's children, grandchildren
- Other actions aimed at causing harm to the health of a child or his child's psyche
Grandmother has a mental illness. It does not matter whether a person is diagnosed, it is important that leaving a child with a person with a mental illness can cause not only moral, but also physical harm to a minor.
In relation to the grandmother, there is a court decision that has entered into legal force declaring her incompetent or partially incapacitated.

These grounds must be proven in court.

How to prove that a child should not communicate with his grandmother?

Such evidence can serve as:

Court decision declaring grandmother incapacitated
Medical documents confirming that the grandmother has a mental illness
Testimony (the fact of alcohol or drug abuse, facts confirming the presence of a mental illness can be confirmed by witnesses)

If you have difficulty obtaining such evidence, you can obtain it by sending a petition along with a lawsuit to the court to request it from the persons who possess it.

If a parent prevents a grandmother from communicating with her child, such a parent may be subject to administrative punishment.

The order of communication between children and grandmother

The court resolves the dispute based on the interests of the child and taking into account the opinion of the child.

It is also possible to determine the legal order of communication between grandchildren and their grandmother in court. The judicial body resolves disputes regarding children based on the interests and taking into account the opinion of the minor.

In the event of obstruction by parents, guardians, other authorized persons, the Applicant (grandparents) must establish the procedure for communicating with their grandson in court, observing the following rules:

Claim is filed at the Respondent's place of residence
The applicant is exempted from filing the state fee
The descriptive part details in detail that the parent does not provide the opportunity to see the grandson, spend time with him, talk on the phone. Therefore, the contradictions that have arisen can be implemented only by establishing the procedure for communicating with the child
Specify the normative substantiation of the stated arguments, with references to the rules of law
In the requesting part, be sure to indicate the order of communication, namely (time, place, duration of communication) when, on what days, at what hours you ask the court to allow you to communicate with your grandson. In the future, your requirements will be set out in court decision

Judicial practice on the order of communication between a child and a grandmother

A grandmother applied to us at the Katsailidi and Partners Law Office to protect her rights, who tearfully asked to cut off communication with her own granddaughter in any way. The fact is that after the death of the mother, the father of the child forbade the grandmother to see her granddaughter, referring to the fact that the little girl does not benefit from communication with her grandmother, as it reminds her of her dead mother. This argument went against the fact that the father forced the child to call his new wife "mother." It is worth mentioning here that not even one year has passed since death.

Court of First Instance was won:

At the stage of the trial in the city court, having received permission to see his beloved granddaughter twice a week, but the story of the dispute about children was not completed. The father of the child appealed to the court with an appeal, in which he indicated that the court did not take into account the opinion of the child himself, did not take into account the psychological characteristics of the granddaughter herself and insisted on interrogating the child in court with a psychologist. It is noteworthy that the father did not see a threat to the child in litigation, but he saw a direct threat in communicating with his beloved grandmother.

The Sverdlovsk Regional Court put an end to it and finally determined the procedure for communicating with the grandmother’s child:

Representatives of the child’s father, in the court of appeal, attached to the case file the results of a diagnostic examination of a minor, which indicated unreliable circumstances such as: the child does not remember the grandmother, the father pays enough attention to the child, and, consequently, more attention is not required for the child. But the psychologist has a medical degree, therefore, she took the Hippocratic oath, and makes such conclusions.

The lawyer of our Law Office in the court of appeal managed to refute the arguments of the representatives of the father of the child and protect the rights of children in the Russian Federation at a professional level, justifying that the arguments of the appeal were voiced only in the interests of the father himself. And also to leave a fair decision in force, and the appeal without satisfaction. And all this without the participation of the child himself, on which the other side insisted so strongly.

It is terrible to imagine how such a difficult trial could affect the emotions and development of the child in the future. Now the child's grandmother can legally see her beloved granddaughter and believe me, such love is mutual, the girl is looking forward to meeting her beloved grandmother, feels comfortable with her, what to say about the great importance of the grandmother in the life of the child.

Read about the work of our family lawyer:

With us a claim for determination of the place of residence of the child in time

More about establishing guardianship of the incapacitated at the link

Find out how to establish paternity by the father of the child on the site

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How to defend your right to communicate with your grandchildren. Analysis of judicial practice / Publications / Judicial legal newspaper

Grandparents can determine ways to participate in the upbringing of their grandchildren through the courts.

It's no secret that when a couple gets divorced, everything rarely goes quietly and peacefully, without mutual insults, mutual claims, division of property... Of course, the most painful issue during the dissolution of a marriage was, is and will be a "childish" issue. It is not only about alimony, with whom the child will live, and who will get only visits and dates, but also about whether grandparents will be able to see their grandchildren, participate in their upbringing, take care of them. It just so happened that the moral side of divorce is always considered from the point of view of a mother left with a child in her arms, from the point of view of a child who has lost a full-fledged family ... But for some reason, we always forget about grandparents who love grandchildren more than their children, grandmothers and grandfathers who have lost the opportunity to see their grandchildren grow up, who have lost the expectation of the arrival of tomboys for the holidays, who have lost the joy of communicating with the younger generation.

Grandparents read the law

All grandparents who have their grandchildren taken away by mothers (sometimes fathers) offended by divorce should know that the law gives them the opportunity to defend their right to joy. The Family Code of Ukraine provides for norms that establish not only the rights of parents in relation to a child, but also the rights of grandparents to raise their grandchildren. Art. 257 of the UK establishes: "Grandmother, grandfather, great-grandmother, great-grandfather have the right to communicate with their grandchildren, great-grandchildren, to take part in their upbringing. " At the same time, parents do not have the right to interfere with the exercise by a grandmother, grandfather, great-grandmother, great-grandfather of their rights to raise grandchildren, great-grandchildren (part 2 of article 257 of the UK). Moreover, if, for example, the daughter-in-law does everything possible to limit the child's meetings with grandparents, the older generation has the right to apply to the court to remove obstacles to the right to raise grandchildren. According to Art. 263 of the UK, a dispute about the participation of a grandmother or grandfather in the upbringing of a child is decided by the court, in accordance with Art. 159The UK, which provides that if the parent with whom the child lives interferes with the parent who lives separately in communicating with the child and in his upbringing (in particular, if he evades the execution of the decision of the guardianship and guardianship authority), the second parent has the right apply to the court for the removal of these obstacles. A person who evades the execution of a court decision is obliged to compensate for the material and moral damage caused to one of the parents who lives separately from the child. about the dispute over the right to communicate and raise grandchildren.

What to do and what to ask

If peaceful negotiations with a parent who has deprived grandparents of communication with their grandchildren do not give positive results, then there is only one way out - contacting the guardianship and guardianship authorities with a statement on setting the time and procedure for communicating with grandchildren (about guardianship and guardianship authorities, see details in Judicial-legal newspaper , No. 29 (147) dated 07/30/2012). to court. Part 2 Art. 159The UK gives the court the right to determine the ways in which one of the parents participate in the upbringing of the child, the place and time of their communication. Since Article 263 of the UK refers to this norm, grandparents can also determine ways to participate in the upbringing of their grandchildren in a judicial proceeding (determine periodic or systematic visits, the possibility of joint recreation, visits by the child to the place of residence of the grandparents, the time and place of their communication, and etc. ). True, it should be borne in mind that in some cases, if this is caused by the interests of the child, the court may determine the visit with the child by the presence of another person (as a rule, the parent with whom the child lives).

CASE No. 2-462

All the rules mentioned above apply in practice. For example, on June 23, 2011, the Vasilyevsky District Court of the Zaporozhye Region issued a decision in case No. 2-462, according to which the claim of grandparents against the former daughter-in-law (with the participation of a third party - the Children's Services of the district administration) to protect the rights to raise grandchildren was satisfied. True, I am partially satisfied. The court established days of communication between the plaintiffs and their grandchildren once a month from 4:00 p.m. on the third Friday to 2:00 p.m. Sunday. But, according to the court decision, during the summer holidays, grandparents will be able to communicate with their grandchildren once a month from 10. 00 on the second Monday to 20.00 on Friday.

And it was like this. As is often the case, the young family did not have their own housing, so they lived in the apartment of the husband's parents. Both grandchildren were born and brought up constantly in the family of the plaintiffs (grandparents), where all the conditions for a full-fledged upbringing were created for the children. But the quarrel between the parents of the children (the defendant and the son of the plaintiffs) led to the dissolution of the marriage at the initiative of the defendant. The daughter-in-law took the children and moved to a new place of residence.

Grandparents did their best to save the family, but they failed. As follows from the case file, according to the plaintiffs, the defendant constantly provoked quarrels, wrote complaints, "with the aim of preventing them from communicating with their grandchildren." Therefore, grandparents were forced to apply to the children's service in order to be able to protect their rights to communicate and raise their grandchildren. By order of the district state administration, the plaintiffs were given a meeting time with their grandchildren - once a week, from 10.00 to 14.00, at the place of residence of the defendant.

The grandparents went to court because they believed that such a decision was not in their interests, nor in the interests of their children, and violated their rights to raise their grandchildren. The plaintiffs noted that, firstly, communication with grandchildren on the street, in the cold, can lead to a deterioration in the health of children, a car is also not a place for communication, and being in the house of the defendant's mother is a constant provocation of conflicts on the part of the defendant and her mother, which will also have a negative impact on children. In addition, the plaintiffs pointed out that the defendant does not allow meeting with her grandchildren in any other place. “Thus,” the plaintiffs summed up, “we are actually deprived of such a right, because communication for several hours in absolutely unsuitable conditions does not make it possible to exercise the right to raise grandchildren. ” Grandparents also indicated that they are respected by the residents of the city, they are financially secure, they have all the conditions for recreation and activities with children, they can take their grandchildren home on weekends, holidays, summer, creating all conditions for healthy leisure.

During the court session, the defendant objected to the satisfaction of the claims, explaining to the court that after the divorce, the father repeatedly made scandals during meetings with the children. However, the mother agreed to meet with grandparents, but on one condition - the meetings should take place only in her presence.

Love for grandchildren is not enough

However, when filing lawsuits, grandparents should also be aware that the court will take into account not only their love for their grandchildren, but also the age, health of the child and other circumstances that are important, for example , the mental state of the grandfather / grandmother, their abuse of alcoholic beverages or drugs. It is clear that if a mother, who does not want the mother-in-law / father-in-law to participate in raising children, provides the court with documents indicating, say, the abuse of grandparents with alcohol, then the court will not allow them to communicate with their grandchildren in any way.

CASE No. 2-421/11

Another example of “litigation” over the right to communicate with grandchildren can be case No. 2-421/11, which was decided by the Lebedinsky District Court of the Sumy Region. The lawsuit was filed by grandparents against their daughter-in-law, who, after divorcing their son, deprived the plaintiffs of the right to communicate with their young grandson. The claims were stated as follows: to allow systematic visits of the grandmother with her grandson within the boundaries of the Sumy region from 9.00 on Monday to 9.00 o’clock on Tuesdays of the second and fourth weeks of each month without the presence of the mother during the visit, as well as to allow systematic visits by the grandfather with his grandson for two weeks of each month without the presence of the child’s mother, grandparents from the mother’s side and other relatives during the visits other than the child's father. But the defendant believed that a child of this age (3.5 years) could not be away from home for a long time in the absence of the mother.

The Court considered a written opinion of the Children's Rights Service, according to which it is considered expedient to visit the child regularly with grandparents - every Saturday from 10.00 am to 12.00 pm at the place of permanent residence of the child in the presence of the mother. At the same time, the conclusion of the Children's Rights Service determined that visiting the place of residence of a grandfather or grandmother without the presence of the mother is not in the interests of a child of this age. In addition, according to the conclusion of specialists in the field of psychological work, it is impossible for a child to stay for a whole day in an unusual environment for him, and during meetings at the child’s place of residence, the presence of familiar close people is desirable. Considering the above, the court decided to satisfy the claim in part: it determined the systematic visits of the child with the grandfather and grandmother every Saturday from 10. 00 am to 12.00 pm at the place of permanent residence of the child in the presence of his mother.

Just in conclusion, I would like to note: grandparents, exercising their rights to participate in the life of their grandchildren, do not overdo it and do not forget that there is another side of the coin here - your grandchildren should have a calm and peaceful childhood.

Info:

Grandparents have the right to apply for the protection of the rights and interests of minors, minors and adult disabled grandchildren to the guardianship and guardianship authority or to the court without special powers - art. 258 SK. Grandmother, grandfather are obliged to support their minor, minor grandchildren if they do not have a mother, father, or if the parents cannot, for valid reasons, provide children with proper maintenance, provided that the former can provide material assistance - Art. 265 SC. A person, regardless of age and state of health, has the right to a family.