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Children with special needs can often benefit from a number of therapies and, generally, the sooner they receive treatment, the better the outcomes will be. But, how do you know if a child needs help? The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) requires each state to implement early identification policies to locate and refer children who may have a disability to that state’s early intervention (EI) program. Although IDEA is a federal law, each state sets its own EI policies and implements its own programs, much like Medicaid. Not all states will call it early intervention or EI, but states generally use similar terms meaning early identification and service for children with disabilities. While certain elements of EI remain consistent between the states, parents and educators should contact their state’s education agency to learn about state-specific policies and procedures.
Components of the Child Find Program
There are two methods for identifying and referring a child to EI. The first is a referral, usually by an educator or a parent. The second is the Child Find program. Mandated by IDEA, Child Find continuously searches for and evaluates children who may have a disability with the use of Child Find activities, which can vary widely from school district to school district. For example, one district might hold periodic conferences to train staff on policies, while another may hold playgroups, during which parents are asked to complete a developmental milestone questionnaire.
At least seven main elements are included in a Child Find program:
Definition of Target Population: The state defines the criteria that determine which children are eligible for help. Some states expand the target population to include at-risk children, not just those who have disabilities or developmental delays.
Public Awareness: The state raises public awareness about children who need help and the services available to them, targeting parents, caregivers, educators, school staff, physicians and others.
Referral and Intake: A child is referred for services; specific procedures vary, depending on the state.
Screening and Identification: The child is screened for possible disabilities or developmental delays.
Eligibility Determination: Results of the screening are compared to the state’s eligibility guidelines, which must be consistent with federal regulations.
Tracking: The state tracks and follows up with children who are receiving services.
Interagency Coordination: Some states have multiple agencies that share responsibilities mandated by IDEA. Resources must be coordinated to ensure availability of services.
How the Child Find Program Works
Public awareness and professional training are critical for successful Child Find programs. For example, Mrs. Jones is a teacher at Acme Preschool. She notices that Johnny rarely makes eye contact, does not respond to his name and speaks infrequently. From her participation in Child Find activities, she recognizes that these signs indicate possible autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Mrs. Jones follows her state’s Child Find policies for notifying Johnny’s parents that he is being referred for screening for a possible disability. Once Johnny’s parents provide their consent for his evaluation, it must be completed within the state-specified time frame.
The referral of a child can sometimes be a delicate situation. Parents may be less than receptive to the idea that their child might have a disability. However, it’s always best for the teacher to follow Child Find policies, regardless of how the parents may respond. Once notified of the referral, the parents do have the legal right to refuse evaluation and services. Furthermore, an evaluation can bring peace of mind: the evaluation team might conclude that the child does not have a disability, or if he or she does, that needed help is readily available.
Parents and educators who are unsure of their state’s policies and eligibility criteria can contact their state’s education agency and/or their school district.
Child Find: Schools Have a Legal Duty to Evaluate Children Impacted by Disability
A Brief Overview
School districts have an affirmative duty to locate, evaluate and potentially serve any infant, toddler or school-aged student impacted by disability under the Child Find Mandate — part of special education law.
The duty to evaluate is based on a known or suspected disability that may significantly impact access to learning. Data from evaluation then determines eligibility. Washington’s Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction (OSPI) has state specific information about Child Find.
PAVE recommends making referrals in writing and provides a sample letter.
Public school districts provide evaluations and special education services at no cost to the family.
Child Find is intact during the pandemic, as are all student rights and protections. For more information, PAVE provides a training video: Student Rights: Special Education During COVID-19 and Beyond.
Family caregivers, teachers, or anyone else can refer a child for an educational evaluation if there is reason to suspect that a disability is impacting that child’s ability to learn. The local school district provides a comprehensive evaluation, free to the family, if there is a known or suspected disability and reason to believe that appropriate early learning or school success requires intervention.
The school district’s duty to seek out, evaluate and potentially serve infants, toddlers or school-aged students is guaranteed through the Individuals with Disabilities Act (IDEA), as part of the Child Find Mandate. The law says that this obligation to evaluate exists for all children ages 0-21, regardless of whether they:
Attend private or public school
Are housed in a stable way or are homeless
Live with a birth or adopted family or are a ward of the state
Receiving adequate marks and “passing from grade to grade” does not erase the school’s responsibility to evaluate. Impacts to all areas of school and learning are considered. Academic challenges might trigger an evaluation. So can school refusal, communication deficits, missing social skills, trouble with emotional regulation and behavior challenges.
Children in private and home-based schools are protected by Child Find
Parents have the right to request an evaluation from the public-school district regardless of whether a child attends public school. If the child is found eligible, the local district is responsible to provide services unless the family does not want them. In some cases, families arrange to have a child attend private or home-based school but receive special-education services through the public school. Private schools do not have to evaluate children or provide special education, but they are responsible to provide equitable services and to comply with the Americans with Disabilities Act. See PAVE’s article about navigating private school.
The IDEA includes categories of disability that might qualify a student for special education services at a public school. PAVE has an article about IDEA and additional articles with information about evaluation process.
Request an evaluation in writing
PAVE’s Parent Training and Information (PTI) staff recommend that families request evaluation formally—in writing. Specific deadlines apply in the evaluation process. Washington districts have 25 school days to decide whether to evaluate. After parents sign consent, staff have 35 school days to complete the evaluation.
A sample letter to request evaluation is available on PAVE’s website. The Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction (OSPI) provides more detail about state requirements. A national agency called Wrightslaw has additional information about Child Find.
The Child Find Mandate requires states to implement programs to locate children who might need more support, particularly those who might need services as infants or toddlers. Child Find is written into the IDEA in “Part C,” which protects children 0-3 with known or suspected disabilities in need of early intervention. However, Child Find applies to all children who might need services—through age 21 or until high-school graduation.
Testing determines whether the child has a disability that is causing learning delays. For very young children, this includes a known or suspected disability that might delay learning. For a child younger than 3 in Washington State, early intervention is provided with an Individualized Family Service Plan (IFSP). PAVE’s website includes an article with more information about early intervention services and the transition to school-aged services at age 3.
For a child ages 3-21, an evaluation determines whether a disability is significantly impacting access to school and whether specially designed instruction is necessary for the student to access learning at school.
Schools use data to determine whether a child is eligible for services
The duty to evaluate is based on a known or suspected disability that may significantly impact access to learning. Data from evaluation then determines eligibility. Washington’s Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction (OSPI) has state specific information about Child Find.
The referral process includes a review of existing data about a student. Existing data might include information from families, medical providers and anyone who can discuss a child’s performance at public school, preschool, private school, at home or in another setting. Based on this data, the district decides whether to evaluate. Often the decision is discussed at a “referral meeting” with school staff and parents. If a school district refuses to evaluate, family caregivers can request an explanation in writing and have the right to dispute that decision by exercising Procedural Safeguards.
Child Find requires schools to do outreach
School districts operate Child Find programs in a variety of ways. For example, a school might:
Train teachers to recognize signs that a student might need to be screened
Publish, post and distribute information for parents so they can understand how to request evaluation and why a child might benefit from services
Offer workshops or other trainings to parents about evaluation, early intervention and special education
When should the caregiver for a young child be concerned?
If parents do not think their child is growing or developing like other children the same age, they can request an educational evaluation, even if a pediatrician says there is no cause for concern. The national Center for Parent Information and Resources (CPIR website: ParentCenterHub.org) provides a list of developmental milestones to help parents recognize potential delays.
Early intervention can be critical. Parents can contact their local school district or seek more information and assistance from Early Support for Infants and Toddlers (ESIT), managed by Washington’s Department of Children, Youth, and Families (DCYF).
To determine whether early intervention is needed, an evaluator considers:
The evaluator uses natural situations to look at these skills while a child stacks blocks, draws, counts, cuts with scissors, jumps, or performs other activities. Testing time varies, and parents can ask how much time was spent, which settings were reviewed, and who conducted the review.
Parents can decide whether they agree with the results and whether they believe the evaluation was appropriate. “Appropriate evaluation” is protected by special education law, the IDEA, as a primary principle. Parents who disagree with the results of an evaluation—or a school’s decision to not evaluate—have the right to dispute decisions through a variety of informal and formal processes, described in Procedural Safeguards.
Birth-3 services are provided through an IFSP
If an evaluation determines that a child requires early intervention, then those services are provided through an IFSP. Early intervention services might include speech and language therapy; physical therapy; psychological services; home visits; medical, nursing, or nutrition services; hearing or vision services.
In most cases, services are provided in the home or in a child-care setting. The goal is for services to take place in the child’s “natural environment.” Occasionally a child may visit a provider’s office for specialized services.
What does an older child’s evaluation look like?
Educational evaluations for children 3-21 are conducted in consultation with a team that includes parents, teachers, special education professionals and school district administrators and evaluation specialists who can interpret and explain the results.
The assessments can look like academic tests, questionnaires, or informal observations. There are no right or wrong answers, and the evaluators are looking for clues that might show an area of need for different or specialized instruction. A comprehensive evaluation can measure a child’s ability to:
Think, reason and problem-solve
Understand spoken language
Explain ideas and speak clearly
Understand facial expressions and body language
Use facial expressions and body language to express emotion
Remember what they hear and understand different sounds
See differences in pictures and designs, remember what they see, and understand those visual images
Use body parts with physical skill
Get along with other people
Read, write, spell, and do math
Hear and see
Parents can provide a health history and notes and diagnoses from medical providers that contribute outside information to be considered as part of the assessment.
The Down Syndrome Guild of Greater Kansas City provides a comprehensive list of commonly used assessments for a variety of disability conditions.
Help for children 3-5 years old
Children ages 3-5 with identified disabilities can receive free special education and related services at preschools run by the local public-school district or through federal Head Start or the state-run Early Childhood Education and Assistance Program (ECEAP). Often these preschools are specifically designed for children with disabilities, so inclusion with general education students may be limited.
Once a student enters the local public school for kindergarten, specialized instruction may be provided in general education by special educators who “push in” with support in the classroom. The IDEA requires education in the Least Restrictive Environment (LRE) to the greatest extent possible with typically developing peers. Special education is a service, not a place: See PAVE’s article with that slogan as its title.
Some children do not thrive in typical classrooms. The IEP team, including the parent, may determine that a smaller classroom or “pull out” instruction is needed for the student to make meaningful progress. These decisions are documented in the IEP.
Related services can support parent training
“Related services” might include speech-language therapy, occupational therapy, mental health counseling or special transportation to school or extracurricular activities. Training about positive behavior interventions for family caregivers, school staff and children also could be provided as a related service. Students who are enrolled in a private or home school may be dually enrolled in public school to access related services provided through an IEP.
During the pandemic, some extra attention has been paid to parent training as a related service in order for parents to understand how to support children learning from home.
What happens if a doctor or teacher refers a child for evaluation?
Any adult knowledgeable about a child’s condition can refer that child for evaluation. If a person outside the family makes the referral, parents get a formal written notification about the referral. Parents must sign consent for an evaluation process to begin.
Parents/guardians do not have to give permission. Parents who refuse to give permission have the right to request an evaluation later.
If school staff refer a student for an evaluation and parents do not want their child evaluated, the school district may ask parents to participate in mediation to further discuss the decision. If parents still refuse to sign consent, a school district can begin a legal procedure called Due Process to have the case considered by an administrative law judge. Through this process, a district may be allowed to screen a child for special education without parent consent.
If a student does not qualify for IEP services, a Section 504 Plan might help
A student who is evaluated and determined ineligible for special education might still qualify for some support with a Section 504 Plan. Section 504 defines disability much more broadly than the IDEA, and a student can qualify for support if an identified disability significantly impacts a major life activity, such as learning or socializing with peers.
Educational evaluations identify barriers to education, so schools can figure out how to help children make meaningful progress. Sometimes special education is provided to help with access to academic learning, and sometimes it is needed for a child to build functional skills or to develop more skill in Social Emotional Learning. When requesting a full and complete evaluation, parents can ask questions and provide feedback to make sure the school evaluates in all areas of suspected disability and that the tools for evaluation are comprehensive and varied.
Sometimes a child comes to the attention of the school because of unexpected behaviors that might lead to disciplinary actions. PAVE’s article, What Parents Need to Know when Behavior Impacts Discipline at School, has additional information for families who might be requesting an educational evaluation because of behavior incidents.
Child and/or job - LES
Urban women of the 2020s want to work, build a career, provide for themselves. And yet - they, as in all times, give birth to children. And they embark on a dramatic journey of combining motherhood and work. Social networks are full of sobs and curses, revelations and life hacks, stories about breakdowns, about the collapse of illusions, self-confidence, about reassessment of former guidelines and motivators. This is a shock, this is a transition to a new stage of life, for which many are not ready, although there are many examples around (and in family memory) of others experiencing this transition.
Photographer Dmitry Nikitushkin tried to look into the life of modern working urban mothers and see what their motherhood is based on. What are the main difficulties and what motivators and life hacks work.
The material was created as part of Sergei Maksimishin's training workshop "Photographer as a storyteller" at the St. Petersburg school "TSEKH". How the working "careers" of women were built in a small factory in the Russian provinces - in our other publication "It's time to play", also prepared in this workshop.
Dmitry Nikitushkin's motivation, author:
For my wife, the decree was a break in her career, in which she achieved much more than I did in mine. It would be more profitable and fairer for me to take parental leave. If we lived in northern Europe, this would have happened.
The wife could not stay on maternity leave: the reorganization in the company threatened her return to her position. Another reason is that Natasha wanted to continue to be financially independent. Finally, the usual standard of living: if she went on maternity leave for a long time, we would not starve, but we would live much more modestly. When my daughter was 5 months old, Natasha went to work. Full time work, travel. And - Natasha's remorse, that she does not work enough, and does not devote enough time to her daughter.
The more I tried to help, the more obvious it became: for an intelligent, successful and active woman, motherhood is a kind of life-changing trap. What to say about abandoned women with a baby in their arms?
We watched the drama of a colleague. She also had a decent career, but gave up everything and became a housewife, because her less hardworking and successful husband always reproached: for you, work is more important than family. He also set up the children: work is more expensive for mom than you.
This is how this topic began for me about women who combine motherhood and work. Some of them valued their career or vocation, while others worked to survive. And I collected the stories of different mothers, from Natasha, my wife, to Lada, a nineteen-year-old mother of two children who makes a living as a food delivery courier while her husband plays tanks.
1. Natasha, HR Director
Good salary. Parents and husband help. Breast pump on business trips, milk in the minibar of the room, in a suitcase, in the freezer. Sleep deprivation. Guilt. Loss of "my time"
"Guilt has become my main feeling: to my family for having to sit with Zoya. Before work - for the fact that I can no longer work as before. I feel guilty when I go for a manicure or go to lie down in the bathroom. Nobody I am not reproached, everyone supports me in everything. I feel good in my family and, as I now understand, there is not a second when I would worry about my daughter. Guilt is something inside that I still can’t figure out .
My parents got up every week at dawn to come with the cat and be with Zoya all week. My husband and I could work quietly, go on business trips. On Friday evening they made their way back to take care of my grandmother and, if possible, to rest. I wouldn't have made it without their support.
I was also afraid that I was no longer interested in anything and was not recognizable to myself. Persistent fatigue. I became a mother at the age of 35. This is good: less nerves and fuss, more confidence. Physical fatigue, lack of sleep, of course, are more difficult to endure, but you can live with it. The hardest part was "losing yourself". It is important for me that I have “my own life”, which does not mean that I am not interested in my daughter and husband. My time is important to me, otherwise I climb the wall. How to regain interest in life, I do not know yet. But I will definitely figure it out."
Natasha is a Human Resources Director at an international agricultural company. Her work consists, if you look from the outside, of endless meetings and teleconferences, business trips both around the country and abroad. Before pregnancy and childbirth, Natasha still had time to study restaurant business in Russia and abroad, she underwent internships. And she was at all the significant ballet performances in Russia and once a year flew with friends to different countries for rock climbing.
Evening skype conference.
And then a daughter was born. Natasha drowned in motherhood for several months until she had to go to work. Often, work continues at home in the evenings because colleagues in other time zones continue to work or are just starting to work.
It got dark outside the window
Outside the window - deep night
In our small apartment, such teleconferences often take place in the presence of our daughter. Natasha's colleagues are used to the fact that a baby can break into a business conversation.
Natasha regularly flew to Poland and Holland. Most often, she tried to depart early in the morning, and return late at night. And wake up all night and breastfeed your daughter.
There were many business trips before Covid
Natasha managed to succeed everywhere, although it was hard for her. At work, I had to decant in places that were not the most convenient for this. On business trips, she took a breast pump with her.
Evening on a business trip in Amsterdam
Natasha in the hallway of a typical business hotel in Amsterdam
If it was necessary to fly away with one or two overnight stays, then Natasha would take a voluminous suitcase with her, which returned with bags of milk lined with cold beer bought at the airport supermarket in order to keep the temperature in the bag as low as possible.
Until the return flight, the milk is collected in special Avent bags and stored in the minibar in the hotel room.
Milk in the minibar. A whole week on a business trip. The sachets are then filled into the home freezer.
Natasha and I learned how to coordinate our business trip schedules with each other so that one of us would stay at home. This led to the fact that we practically met only on weekends.
And in the spring of 2020, quarantine began due to the virus. And our trips stopped for a while.
2. Lada, food delivery courier
Working as a courier with a 2-year-old (older) child, later with a younger one. Readiness for risk and grazing. 19years, recklessness and health. Survival instinct. Dream of glory. "Almost everyone who sees her helps her"
"We were 17 years old, we couldn't get married yet, and I was pregnant. You can only sign through the guardianship authorities. To get benefits. And if you didn't sign, you would have to take custody of your mother. Or the child would have been taken away.
I know only women who have one child each, and they worked, and I don’t know a single woman who works with two ... In reality, I only went with this one (the eldest), but I have never gone out with two. came right after the maternity hospital. Mom also has a child, a daughter, seven years old. Mom is forty-five years old. She is changing her passport, she got a temporary one. On the twenty-eighth she will receive and leave for Rostov, mom. That's all. And I, it turns out, will stay with two already "There is no work in Rostov. Not at all. At least here...
My husband is also 19 years old. I ask him to go to work together. And he says that deliveries and flyers are not his level of type. Mom says: come with me to Rostov. There is a one-room apartment with her and her daughter. Where? Better here."
By the age of nineteen, Lada already has two children. She has no education other than high school. Her husband is a former classmate. Both of them are from Rostov-on-Don. We arrived in Moscow at the end of the summer of 2019. At that time, Lada was pregnant with her second child.
In Rostov, she already worked as a food delivery service from restaurants. It was a success - photos of a courier with a Yandex.Food or Delivery Club backpack and a baby in a stroller were posted on local forums. The success would have been even greater if the Rostovites knew that the courier was pregnant again.
Eastern outskirts of Moscow. Behind these quarters begins the suburbs.
Lada is not indifferent to glory. She went to Moscow, it seems, precisely for fame. She took her husband with her to Moscow. And my husband took the gaming computer. He doesn't work anywhere - he plays tanks.
Husband plays tanks in the kitchen. In a large room, a baby is left alone on the sofa, whom Lada gave water to drink before leaving. Lada asks her husband to look after the child, but he will not hear crying in headphones and he is too passionate about the game
I was told about Lada in "House for Mom" . They said it was something incredible: a girl with a baby in her arms and a Yandex.food backpack on her back came to them on her last term. I was given her phone number. Lada gladly agreed to talk and shoot. After the shooting, I sent her photographs, and a few weeks later an article was published in Komsomolskaya Pravda, illustrated by them - Lada sent them photographs and told the story of her life.
After the article, Lada got on television. And her star burned for weeks.
Lada is going to go to work. The eldest daughter goes with her, and the youngest stays at home. In fact - without supervision
But she was kicked out of the apartment for non-payment and dirt. She was no longer involved in delivery, because with two children there was no money in the delivery. And then, Lada was not ready for the Moscow winter - it is different from Rostov.
Lada called me after the new year, she needed advice: try to improve her life in Moscow (she worked as a model in Rostov, maybe she could in Moscow?) or go to her mother. I advised to go to my mother. In the spring, she wrote to me that she was divorcing her "husband", that she was with her mother in Rostov. And just recently, I again saw an ad on Facebook that they were looking for a girl with two children and a Delivery Club backpack. The post was accompanied by a photo from the metro with Lada and two children.
To be honest, I was glad that the youngest girl survived in these conditions, and upset that Lada returned to Moscow again.
It looks like her story will still have a noisy but sad continuation. There are already a lot of publications about her in social networks (here she is, glory!), But the publications are more and more harsh.
The day before the release of this material, on August 2, a video with Lada appeared in the online project "Artist's Diary" by Dmitry Vrubel. Obviously, the shooting was already done in the warm season of 2020. Lada again drives around the city with a box over his shoulders. And with two kids.
Most of the mentions in social networks - from disturbing to sharply negative, and back in January, Lada was openly called a swindler in a KP publication. A day after our publication, an article appeared in Meduza.
It turns out that among the options for surviving a mother with children in the metropolis of the 2020s, there is now such an extreme one. The history of Lada has been famously developing with the participation of the media for a year now, since the summer of 2019, when she came to Moscow for the first time. And it doesn't look like it's going to have a happy ending.
3. Anna Mikhailova, museum specialist
Work in social networks, online with a child in her arms. The child's father and grandmother help. Lack of sleep
"Sometimes it happens, I feed him, he lies on his side and then I manage to crawl away later. But usually it doesn’t work out that way. Mostly my son sleeps in my arms. My work involves writing texts and solving issues through correspondence. It is convenient to do this from the phone "And when an article needs to be written, then I make a draft on the phone, and then on my computer. I put the computer on my knees and do it. When my son is awake, I can decide something - I call up.
My first education is a museologist. She worked at the Historical Museum, remotely, from St. Petersburg, led their social networks. Prior to that, she worked at the Kunstkamera. I did not want to move, but I began to come to Moscow, travel to conferences quite a lot, my parents supported both ideologically and financially, because they thought it was not a job about money. Now I understand that it is about money too. Then I met my future husband, he works at the Polytechnic Museum.
Now I am registering a non-profit organization in order to work more systematically. I am a professional networker. I organize various events, such as Meet-up, Drinking about museums, evening meetings. In France, this is called: "one evening, one museum, one glass." We now have this too!"
Anya defended her dissertation on museum architecture in the UK, participated in dozens of conferences, invented and arranged "drinking" for museum workers.
When Anya's son was born, she tried to live in the same rhythm as before, but she appeared at conferences and other museum events with her son.
If Anya speaks at a conference, they try to provide her with a room to change clothes and feed the child. Since there are no such special changing rooms in museums, such a room can be a meeting room, a conference room, a utility room, or absolutely any room that is not suitable for mothers with babies.
The museum environment is very conservative and difficult to enter. But Anya began to unite people of the same age around her. Then she created a group for Russian museum SMSers, inspired by a similar group in Europe. The group now has 2,400 people, and Anya herself has 3,600 friends and subscribers. "The whole thing has grown into a whole ecosystem," she says.
While Anya is giving a lecture, her son is in the arms of her grandmother
Anya organizes webinars, writes articles and helps our museums become modern.
In the subway - a trip to the conference from the outskirts of Moscow to the city center.
4. Anya, sales director at an agricultural company
Good salary. Office work. Babysitter. Motivation: development and self-realization. Sleep deprivation. In quarantine - departure to the parents in the Urals
"To give birth to a child when you are twenty and when you are almost forty, these are, of course, different things. Waking up at night is more difficult. Physically, it is not easy. But psychologically, on the contrary, it is easier. You know what to expect, you have your own experience: both maternal and and life, which allows you to relate to some things much easier.0003
Motherhood is a part of life, not all of it. With my first child, I was sitting at home and I had nowhere to even return - I did not work initially. I have something to compare with, and I understand that it is very important for me to have a place where I can apply my talents, develop, where I am needed in addition to my family. Well and the second reason - incomes are necessary.
As a mother, my task is to grow and let go. And everything I do, I build from this mantra: grow and let go. I don't think it's some kind of feat. I have two favorite children. Of course, I can whine, but at the moment, pah-pah-pah, everything suits me, although, of course, I want to sleep. "
Anya's eldest son will finish school soon. The youngest was only four months old when Anya again went to her old, well-paid job.
At home with the child, Anya is helped by a nanny.
If Anya has a thermal mug in her hand, it means she is already running away to work
Anya is from the Urals. She earned her own money and bought this apartment. The center of Moscow is within easy reach.
When the pandemic hit and it became necessary to work from home, and it was dangerous for the nanny to get to Anya's apartment every day by public transport, Anya and her whole family temporarily moved to her parents in the Urals.
4. Yana and Marina
Support from philanthropists and from each other, and almost no one else. Responsibility to the child, no matter how hard it is. Youth, health, readiness for any work
"We lived together. He called for marriage, wanted children. But I was not ready. And then it turned out that we broke up, I moved out. And then I find out that I ... in the seventh month. I didn’t have a stomach. It turns out , we broke up, and about a month later I find out that I will soon give birth.0003
Daughters almost a year and four. When we parted, he found his love. Alimony does not pay. His mother called me when I was in my seventh or eighth month. She told me: I will take her (child) from you. Give it good. I say let's not. I saw her once afterwards. I then lived in the "House for Mom". She tells me: I have things for the child. I didn’t need these things, I don’t know why I went to her (mother). She showed things, asked how she gave birth, how she named them. My mother is Vika and I named my daughter Vika. And then she told me, and after that I was like chopped off: rename it. I answered her: for now. And she left."
"I work from nine to nine. It's far from anywhere. Trains don't go here. But it's cheap to rent here. A kopeck piece costs twenty-three. And it looks good.
I go there (to work) for an hour and a half in the morning and back the same way "I'm a front desk barista. I can make a three-color latte. You can't do that at home. It won't work. Let's go smoke."
There is a charitable organization in Moscow that helps mothers with children who find themselves on the street or without a livelihood. It happens that parents or husbands kick women who have become pregnant girls out of the house. And then they can only wander or look for some kind of shelter.
Such a shelter is provided by "House for Mom" , a project of the Orthodox service "Mercy". A pregnant woman or a woman with a child can temporarily live there until the fund's employees help her get back on her feet - reconcile with her family, find rented housing and organize some kind of income. In the house they feed, give the mother and child what they need, they can provide legal assistance, they conduct master classes teaching various professions.
Yana and Marina met in the "house", as they call the crisis center "Mercy".
We smoke on the balcony of a rented apartment.
Then they rented an apartment in half.
Marina's life began to improve. She got married and is now raising her child alone. Marina is not helped by her parents, the biological father of her child does not help and does not pay alimony. Marina does not work in the usual sense: she looks after her child and the child of Yana, who works full time.
Marina with her daughter
The apartment is rented far beyond the Moscow Ring Road, and Yana's work is at the other end of Moscow. Yana and Marina's relationship is not cloudless. Marina also wants to work, she wants to live separately. And Yana cannot live without help. She lost her job after our meeting - she worked as a barista in a cafe at a car dealership of a luxury brand. Then she worked as a manicurist.
Yana tells how a cappuccino should look right. She was taught the intricacies of coffee making in the cafe where she worked
Yana tells how cappuccino should look right. She was taught the intricacies of coffee making in the cafe where she worked
But in any case, Yana's income will not be enough for a separate rented apartment and a nanny. Therefore, she is constantly looking for someone to rent an apartment with. Yana is from Donetsk, she does not have Russian citizenship. Her eldest son remained at home with his parents.
I continued to correspond with Yana for some time. She had hard times - her daughter was in the hospital, Yana was with her all the time. During this time there was no income, and I have no idea how she coped.
6. Katya, employee of a charity fund
Community work during maternity leave. Amazing light, cheerful character, reliable husband. Motivation to work as a service
- There are many duties (in the charity organization "Mothers of Kazan") that I need to fulfill, but due to the fact that I have a child, I can’t ... I push them away, and they grow like a snowball .... (Laughs). For example, we have a website, a group, Instagram… They need to be moved on, and since there is no one, I do it. There is still a lot of things: for example, documentation that is delayed, postponed ... I try, of course, to do this, but everything is stretched over time.
- And there was no thought: to sit at home on maternity leave, to score on everything? - But it won't work. - Why won't it work? - And who will do it? No other way.
Katya has two children. Now she is officially on maternity leave, but she continues to work for the Mothers of Kazan Foundation.
Katya's entire family, except for her husband - he is at work, in a bookstore
Katya helps children left without parents and families in difficult situations.
Katya told me about two of their initiatives: the foundation's volunteers sew patchwork blankets, each blanket is different from the other, such blankets are given to children in the hospice so that the child has not a government blanket, but his own blanket.
In addition, Katya helps visually impaired children learn needlework.
Sewing patchwork quilts
An unusual kind of toy that the visually impaired sew, it seems, can then be found even on the shelves of Moscow stores
Katya and her colleagues also collect "Boxes of Courage", these boxes contain various small toys and gifts that are given to children in the hospice after they once again go through some kind of painful or unpleasant procedure.
Volunteers from various organizations bring toys and gifts to Katya's apartment for her to collect in the "Box of Courage" and then donate them to the hospice.
Box assembly. Katya's son knows that these toys go to sick children, and therefore he does not beg for them.
Box assembly. Katya's son knows that these toys go to sick children, and therefore he does not beg for them.
Once a week or more Katya and her children go by public transport to the other end of Kazan to help the foundation with documents.
Why didn't Katya leave her job with the decree? "And because - who, if not me?"
Two Boxes of Courage from the Mothers of Kazan, ready to be given to sick children
7. Anna, restorer
Work from home, private one-time orders. Support from mom, and no one else. Strict economy. Lack of sleep
". .. For the first three months I couldn't even take a shower. I had nowhere to put him. He screamed all the time. Three months without stopping. The doctors said: tummy, you be patient - it will pass. But, in the end, not the tummy, they found the herpes virus in him. They brought him in the maternity hospital. Thank God, they caught it in time. And now we have antibodies.
...You can't do my job with a baby in your arms. He or when he sleeps, I do it, or if something simple: put a photo in an envelope or shove it into a press. I put him on the floor ... and here, in fact, our toys. ... My mother helps me. He takes his eldest son to karate, and while he is studying, he sits with Annie.
I never wanted children at all. I am not a mother at all. And then it turned out that I was alone with two. I thought that if I have a second child, then only out of great love and only in a full-fledged family ... Well, it’s my own fault. I'm a bad person, apparently...
... They ask: Anya, how do you sit without money and constantly travel? Because I don't buy anything. And I'm just inspired by it all. The truth is, it's not the same with kids. With the older already, of course, without hemorrhoids. But also though. You won't sit anywhere, you won't drink coffee, you won't relax. I'm looking forward to June now. I will stop feeding. Leave already. One for a birthday. I will go to Etretat. Chalk rocks. I was there. There are such colors... "
Anya's eldest son, Flavius, studies in elementary school. And the youngest at the time of our acquaintance was not a year old.
Anya is raising her children alone, only her mother helps her.
Officially, Anya is on maternity leave, her permanent job is a restorer at the Rosfoto museum of photography in St. Petersburg.
Home laboratory or workshop
Anya now makes a living by restoring photographs for private collectors. This painstaking work can only be done when the children are sleeping.
Anya and her employers are collectors of old photographs.
At the Nappelbaum exhibition
In addition, Anya is a photographer, her main topics are house arrest, children and travel to Europe. Anya saves every extra penny to go to France or her beloved Italy once a year.
Little has changed in Anna's life since the onset of quarantine. Her isolation within four walls has become a ubiquitous reality for other fellow citizens. This summer Anya launched the educational program about the history of photography and about the basic photographic processes. I hope that these courses, despite the very specific topics, will find their listeners, because such specialists as Anya are few in the world.
8. Dasha, freelance videographer
Work on a free schedule and at home. Sharing work and cares with her husband. Self-discipline, pragmatism and planning accuracy. Professionalism. Drive from what you love. Lack of sleep
"... I did not stop filming until the sixth month of pregnancy, and took small ones almost until the birth. In the ninth month, I went to shoot, however, Dima helped me with the second camera to relax. After that shooting, I gave birth 2 weeks later.
I gave myself three months to recover. It may be faster for someone, but it took me clearly three. In January she gave birth, and in April there were the first shootings. In the season, which is from May to September-October, I entered absolutely ready for filming, recovered, filmed in the previous mode, took less, though, because it's one thing to go to the shooting - it's easy enough to organize, and another thing to mount the material. This takes an enormous amount of time.
I continued to feed Danya for up to ten months. The most active wedding season. In short shootings, this was not a problem, and when there were shootings for 12-13 hours, I went to public toilets with a breast pump, spent fun, locking myself in booths . .. milk in bags, stored in the refrigerator, thrown into the car. How many times have I closed these bags badly, milk spilled ... I also flooded equipment. There were many stories, it was very uncomfortable, but there is a certain, as it is called, adventurism, I guess. It was fun.
Pregnancy was more difficult with Sonya. I couldn't shoot that much. And when she was born, I recovered very quickly and in a month I went to the first short shooting, and after a month and a half to a full-fledged wedding, for thirteen hours.
It was great. By the beginning of the pandemic, Sonya was seven months old, I started to burn out, I realized that I had neither emotional nor physical strength. Four and a half years in this mode: with pregnancies, childbirth, feeding, lack of sleep. I was exhausted. I gave up and stopped all orders. And I have a complete vacation! And this is exactly what I needed! Since June, I have resumed shooting, and I understand that I already have the strength, there is a desire, that I have inspiration. I'm ready to work again! Now I don't give up on anything.
Dasha never has even a minute of free time. Everything is always planned to the minute. Therefore, there are many numerals in her speech. The sentences are short and to the point. She has no time to talk about motherhood. Both Dasha and her husband, Dima, work from home.
The eldest son goes to kindergarten, and the youngest daughter still does not go anywhere - she has only recently learned to roll over on her tummy.
Dasha and Danya in kindergarten.
Dasha and Dima just have a schedule every minute every day: getting up, breakfast, Dima's work, walking the dog, getting ready for the kindergarten, going to the kindergarten, Dasha's work, Dima walks with the child, and so on and so on:
- Around seven in the morning we all get up. Danko (son) and I even a little later, Dima (husband) - early, ten minutes to seven. I am with Sonya (youngest daughter) lying on the second level, sleeping, well, not sleeping - I fill up, wake up. At about seven fifteen, Danya starts calling from the room. I go pick it up. We brush our teeth. Getting dressed. And Sonya and Dima stay at home, and Danko and I go to the garden. It's a five minute walk down the street. I'm taking my older child. Coming home. I can have breakfast. Then Sonya starts crying. I feed her and put her to bed. And, if I run away to shoot, then Dima tries to go out with me. And he goes for a walk with Sonya, and I leave by car to shoot ...
Dasha is taking her daughter for a walk. While her son is in the garden and her husband and daughter are out for a walk, Dasha will be able to calmly do the editing. While her son is in the garden and her husband and daughter are out for a walk, Dasha will be able to calmly do the editing. While the son is in the garden, and the husband and daughter are out for a walk, Dasha will be able to calmly do the editing
Video editing for the customer
While parents are working
When Dasha goes to shoot, Dima stays with the children. When Dima is doing his job, Dasha is with the children. With all this, they always have perfect beauty and cleanliness in their apartment.
Dasha on set, everything is going great
Dasha supervises the process of shooting children's clothing for the catalog
Sleep deprivation. Chronic lack of sleep
Dasha maintains a popular Instagram account and makes short films about how her son Danka is preparing , about family life. These videos can be watched endlessly.
"Regarding the filming of young children. This is my favorite genre. My entire filming history began with the birth of a child with my sister. He was so funny: he gurgled, blinked his eyes, all such an alien, and I really wanted to keep it alive. And I did not think long. We had a trip to Belgium, we had money set aside for this trip, I took a hundred thousand from there.At that time it was Canon Mark 2 5D.I started shooting, watched YouTube, how it happens, and so I studied. 0003
It's probably the most sincere thing to photograph children. They are so spontaneous, unfeigned, open to everything, it is a real pleasure to shoot them. And I continue to photograph my children. I understand, I am obliged to keep it, including for my children. "
One of Dasha's family videos, kindly provided for publication (original on Vimeo):
7 practical tips on how to get along with someone else's child
August 21, 2015Relationships
How often do you find yourself in a company where there are children? Are you good with children or are you not good at it? In this article, we want to share with you tips on how to quickly find a common language with other people's children in different situations.
Imagine that you are in a situation where you are asked to look after a neighbor's child while your parents are away on urgent business. Or you came to visit, and while the hostess is in the kitchen, your task is to entertain the child. Or maybe your job involves communicating with children - often or not (for example, a teacher or a hairdresser).
How will you contact your child in such situations?
We have prepared a list of practical tips that will help you quickly find a common language with your child. These tips are for those who do not have professional experience working with children. And by the word "children" we mostly mean children of preschool age.
1. Treat your child like an ordinary person, only a small one
Perhaps this is the most important advice that lies at the origin of the rest of the tips in this article.
Pay attention that those people who are most successful in establishing contact with children (I observed this in the example of educators, doctors, coaches with whom my child contacts), communicate with them calmly, balanced, in a normal tone, explaining difficult things to them. These people from the very beginning perceive the child as a full-fledged person, they only make allowances for the fact that he is still small. And this approach captivates children.
You can use this strategy to stop talking to children who are no longer babies. Have a full-fledged dialogue with them, but not from the position of “adult-adult”, but from the position of “child-child”. Note that children always easily find a common language with each other, difficulties begin when we grow up. Therefore, "lower" yourself for a while to the level of a child. This means that there is no need to openly doubt if you hear such statements: “Yesterday a huge plane flew into our garden.” Instead, develop a conversation: “Really? Would you like to tell me about it?"
2. Get down to the child's eye level
When we bring the child to the kids' club, the teacher always leans or squats to greet or ask the child something. According to her, this helps her move away from the “adult-child” communication pattern and demonstrate her respect and equality. Judging by how good she is at connecting with kids, that's great advice.
3. Do not praise the child directly
If you want to compliment the child when you meet, focus on his clothes or on the object that he is holding in his hands. When strangers touch on something personal, they risk making the child even more shy.
All that is required at the first meeting is to relieve the tension that arises in a child when contacting a stranger. For example, you can build a dialogue like this:
- Wow, what a beautiful truck you have! He probably carries sand to the construction site.
This will switch your child's gaze to the toy instead of the frightening face of a stranger. This trick will buy time for your child to get used to your voice.
Or here's another trick that might help. If you see a character from a cartoon that is familiar to both of you on clothes or in the hands of a child, this is a great excuse to start a conversation.
- Wow, is this a fix? you ask.
- Fix, - the child answers after a short pause.
- What is the name of this fixie? - you develop a dialogue.
A subject of common interest is always a good opportunity to find mutual understanding with both adults and children.
Or another way that our grandfather uses when my friends come to visit with their children. He deliberately includes an error in what he says:
“What beautiful yellow sandals you have,” he says to the child.
- They are blue, - he answers.
— Exactly, blue. I lost my glasses and without them I can't see well. Have you seen them?
“They are on your nose,” the child replies with a smile.
After this joke, children easily get in touch with him.
4. Express the child's emotions on your face
Often you will find situations where people laugh when a child cries in an attempt to cheer him up. What is really going on? The child cries even louder, falling more into despair, as if saying: "Why does no one understand me?"
The next time you meet a upset child, try to put on a sad face and sympathize. In most cases, this helps, and the baby makes contact easier.
5. Talk about his things and toys
If you happen to be at a child's house, take an interest in his toys and books: “Do you like to read? What is your favorite book? Could you show it?".
This trick works great not only with children, but also with adults, because we all love the increased interest in our person.
Or, if you need something to keep your child busy while their parents are away, a great way out is to offer to draw. And if suddenly the child finds this activity too boring, invite him to draw with his eyes closed. And then together guess what he drew.
6. Be at home among children
The best way to get along with children is to give free rein to the child that lives inside you.