Is There A Difference Between Being A Dad Vs. Father?
What's the difference between a dad and a father? Most people familiar with the terms "dad" and "father" have heard the frequently used quote, "Any man can become a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad."
This particular quote, along with several other quotes, statements, and jokes, tells us that many people feel that there is a big difference between the definition of a father and a dad. It seems that to most people, the word father has a negative connotation while the word dad is warm and loving.
What are the real differences between a dad and a father? Understanding the differences might encourage you to lean one way more than the other, but it can help open your eyes to the men you associate yourself with.
Knowing the difference is key to being the parent that you truly want to be.
What Are The
Qualities Of A Dad?
Learn More About The Difference Between A Dad and A Father
Talk With A Licensed Family Therapist Online
If a great dad raised you, you likely know some of his best qualities and try to emulate them. Dads are great guys that have their priorities straight and understand what is most important in this life.
They love their children no matter what and teach them the ways of the world. So, what is a dad?
Difference with Fathers
Loving And Doesn't Hide Emotion
Dads openly love their children and have no problem with sharing it with the world. They often get emotional at moving moments with their kids.
A good dad hugs his kids and does not feel weak for doing it in public. He will show love in many forms: gestures, attentiveness, and verbal affection.
Being a dad is a role that is not given by accident. He may have been a tough guy before kids, but living with his children has developed a soft spot in him that has made him better than the person he was before.
He works at ensuring that his children know that they are loved.
Playful Dad or Fathers
A dad is a man that plays with his kids. He doesn't pass up the chance to get a laugh out of his children.
Whether it's having a tea party or playing ball with his little one, he develops a relationship that his children value almost as much as he does. Bonds are formed during laughter and happy times that kids won't forget.
Being a playful dad is fun for both the dad and the kids, but it makes parenting easier! Having a few minutes of fun will make your child more agreeable and distracts them from the issue at hand. Dads are seen to have this figured out!
Definition of A Good Listener
The best of dads listen when their children speak. It doesn't matter if they are two years old and babbling about nothing or 17 and dealing with their first heartbreak; a dad will listen to every word.
They do so actively and make their child feel as though there is nothing more important than what they have to say.
Good dads are often loaded with great advice. A lot of men have advice because of how well they know their children.
After listening to them and being fully present in their lives, dads better understand their children's personalities and strengths.
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Protective Dad or Father
Dads are often seen as the protective, scary guy looking to terrify anyone that might hurt their kids. Other times, they are protective because they will kiss boo-boos and hold little hands when their children are scared.
A protective dad makes his kids feel safe. They know that their dad will not let anyone harm them.
A protective dad is also the guy that makes sure his kids are prepared for any situation. That might mean teaching his children self-defense, how to change a tire, or how to mow their grass.
Dads want their children to be prepared for life - for many, that comes across as protective. In reality, dads make sure their kids do not have to rely on other people to do everyday tasks.
Respects The Mother Of His Children
No matter the relationship between mom and dad, he always treats her with respect. They might be experiencing problems in their relationship, but he never mistreats her.
While relationship counseling might help immensely, even hard times require kindness. Demonstrating to your children how to treat others is an example that dads are half responsible for.
Dads teach their sons how a partner should be treated. They teach their daughters how they should expect to be treated. This is one of the most important things a dad can do for his family.
Qualities Of A Father
For some people, a father is simply another word for a dad. In modern explanations, however, fathers are the men that played a part in creating children. It has a negative connotation that dads like to avoid.
To be a dad, the following qualities should not be something that a man aspires to do.
When Dad or Father Is Asked To Be Present
A man should never have to be asked to be present in his children's lives. School plays, soccer games, and difficult homework should include the presence of both parents.
While it is understandable that he cannot be at every event, it should be prioritized.
A father in the modern sense is the guy that fails to see the importance of his presence in his child's life.
He might not see how important it is for him to be in the stands at a sporting event or make an effort to spend time with his children. He has to be told to do these things.
Has Priorities Over His Family
A modern father is an individual that has other activities, people, or things that take precedence over his family. It might be his favorite sports team, a new lady in his life, or even his Xbox.
Other priorities include alcohol addiction or drug habit. A father is a guy that fails to put his priorities in order when he has children.
If a man is missing out on important events in his children's lives because of something else that he finds more important, he is a father and not a dad. If he is missing everyday events that are not as important, he still should reevaluate his priorities. Being a dad requires being involved in the everyday just as much as the big things.
Selfish Definition: What is the Definition?
When a dad has a child, his selfish ambitions get placed on the back burner. When a father has a child, nothing changes. His money is his own, his time belongs to himself, and his interests remain the same. There is no desire for anything to change, so no effort is put forth in parenting his children.
Human beings are selfish creatures. However, when children enter the picture, parents become less selfish than they were. They must spend their hard-earned money on the needs of their children, give up their free time to take care of them, and even give up some hobbies and interests. A dad does this. A father does not.
Misses Important Events
Graduations, baptisms, championship games are treated as just another day of the week for fathers. They fail to see the importance of the event - or perhaps they fail to see the importance of their child. A father is a guy that has no interest in attending these events, so he doesn't.
A dad is always in attendance. Although a father can learn from a dad in all aspects of parenting, this is a good place to start. Fathers must attempt to be there for the big moments to take a step towards being a dad.
Too Busy For Family Time
A father might provide financially for his family by working non-stop, but a dad is someone who provides his time just as much as his paycheck. When work takes a father away from his family far too often, and he makes no attempt to lessen his workload, he finds himself too busy to spend time with his family.
A man that doesn't take the time to bond with his kids is a man that has strangers for children. He knows his kids as much as his kids know him - which is not at all. It is a sad way for a kid to grow up and a sad excuse for escaping parenting.
How Each Parenting Style Affects Your Children
Learn More About The Difference Between A Dad and A Father
Talk With A Licensed Family Therapist Online
Were you a child with a dad or a father? If you had a father, try to remember the disappointment that you felt. That disappointment likely faded until you sadly got accustomed to the fact that you didn't have a dad. In many cases, children with an absent father may experience depression or other mental health concerns. If you had a dad, you might have wonderful memories and a continued relationship to this day.
Does the kind of parent you had as a child affect the kind of parent you are today? Put, yes. Many men feel as though they want to do better than their father, so they work extra hard to be a dad. Others had wonderful dads and worked hard to be just as good. Sadly, some men find it challenging to emulate a dad's parenting style that they never had.
Do You Want To Be a Better Dad? How ReGain Can Help
It is possible to learn how to be a dad when you had no example. By simply making an effort to be there for your kids and making it a priority, you can be a dad. All of the other things will come. A therapist can provide support and help you with this journey.
Read below for therapist reviews of individuals experiencing similar issues.
“Denae has a strong background in child psychology. We came to her because we're figuring out how to navigate our first year with a newborn together. She understands couples dynamics, personality styles and is very knowledgeable on secure attachment and how to raise a child to feel seen, understood, safe and heard. I Highly recommend this counselor.”
“Dr Bown has made significant impact in our lives and She is always giving honest advice and we feel she genuinely cares about our family. She is a valued treasure that we are grateful for in our lives :)”
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a dad?
The definition of dad might be summed up in the phrase "someone with a close, caring, supportive connection with their child."
A dad and a father are both names for a parent of the male gender. Yet, the idea of a dad and a father are not exactly alike.
The question of "What is a dad" can be a difficult one to answer. And the definition of dad isn't the same for everyone. But generally speaking, most people think of a true dad as someone who interacts with their children in positive ways that protect them, support them, and make them feel cared for and loved.
For a more detailed meaning of dad, dad (noun) could include the person's parenting style and the things they do for their children. In the sense of a loving dad, dad (noun) refers to someone who gives their child the right amount of attention, protection, and compassion.
Dads take responsibility for being there for their children. Fathers may take financial responsibility for their child without taking responsibility for any other aspects of their children's wellbeing. But there's a big difference between being there for them financially and being there for them emotionally. The difference between a dad and someone who doesn't take that role is that a dad cares deeply enough about the child to establish a loving connection with them.
Another difference between a dad and someone who is not really a dad is that the dad puts their children first. A true dad might have other interests outside the family, but they only pursue those hobbies and activities in ways that work well for their children. For example, a dad might like to play golf, but he would never go to the golf course if it meant his child would suffer in any significant way. Instead, the dad might spend some quality time with their child before he goes and finds a pleasant activity for their child to be engaged in while he's away. When the dad returns home, they greet their child first and give them a chance to talk about what happened and how they felt during their dad's absence.
One more good definition of a dad is someone who respects their children's mother and the family as a whole. A dad is a person who shows their children the most loving ways to treat their mother by modeling respectful behavior towards her. There's a big difference between reprimanding your children because they aren't showing her respect and teaching them through your example exactly how to show that respect.
Being a dad means supporting your children in their growth and development to ensure they learn what they need to survive and thrive once they leave your home. A dad's definition can also include a loving parent who still offers love and support once the child grows up. The older dad can also be a wonderful person to have in your life, even when you're out on your own.
What is the difference between a father and a dad?
The difference between a dad and a father is that the dad is focused on loving their child, while the father focuses his attention and efforts elsewhere.
It's not that a father necessarily dislikes their child, doesn't care about their child, or isn't interested at all in their wellbeing. But there's a big difference in the emphasis the dad and father place on these concerns. A dad and a father don't look at their children in the same way. The dad sees their children as valuable, precious individuals. The father, on the other hand, sees their children almost as a possession or a burden.
A dad and a father are also different in the way they approach their child's problems. While a father might tend to lecture, criticize, or punish, a dad looks for loving solutions to their child's problems. Rather than lecture, they offer empathetic advice. Instead of criticizing, they might gently suggest more helpful behaviors to try. Although there may be times when a loving father must still punish their child, it is always a proportional response based on what the child needs rather than satisfying the father's desire for retribution.
A dad and a father behave differently with their children because they have different motives. A dad wants the child to be an integral part of their lives, so they have fun with them and include them whenever possible. But a father sees their child as an extra responsibility and interacts with them as little as possible. A father doesn't talk excitedly with his children about his interests or exciting new facts and concepts he's learned. A dad does this because he has a great desire to broaden their horizons and encourage their fascination with the world. A dad wants to help his children be all they can be, not so they won't disappoint or burden him as a father would, but they can enjoy themselves for the rest of their lives.
In short, there's a big difference in the dad's way of being with their child as opposed to a father's. A father does what he feels he's ethically responsible for doing and interacts with their children very little beyond that. But to a dad, their children are a part of their heart and a part of their world that they want to enjoy as much as possible. So, while a father might interact when he feels it's necessary, there's a big difference for the dad. He interacts with the child as often as possible because of the joy the relationship brings.
What is the role of a dad?
A dad's role is to be there for their children in every way they need their dad.
A dad's role is to provide loving, caring support that helps the child flourish as they grow into a mentally healthy, stable adulthood. A dad and a father are different in this aspect of parenting. The father might be very good at providing food, clothing, and shelter for their child. But a dad goes beyond the basic physical needs. Instead, they tend to their emotional and social needs as well.
A dad supports their child by attending important events, celebrating their birthdays and other special days, and recognizing their achievements with happy congratulations.
Another part of dad's role is listening and responding lovingly when their child is hurt or discouraged. The dad can act as a sounding board for the child's new ideas, allowing them to dream and plan without judging them. Being a dad means being on your child's side rather than putting yourself first. So, a dad's role is to give your time, effort, and consideration to helping your child enjoy today, deal with the past and create a beautiful future for themselves.
What qualities should a father have?
If a father wants to become more like a dad, he should have qualities that go along with the dad's definition. For this, a father should develop the following qualities:
Respectful of mother
Mindful of child's emotions and struggles
Happy to attend their child's events
Excited to celebrate the child's successes and special days
Prioritizing children and family
Generous with their time
Why does my dad get so angry?
If your dad is a dad and not just a father, your dad probably gets angry because he cares about you. Perhaps he's concerned that you're making decisions that will hurt you or estrange you from other family members. Maybe he wants to give you something he doesn't have the power to give. Or, if he's angry with someone else, it might mean that your dad is furious that someone is doing something that will hurt you or your family. After all, the definition of dad includes loving, caring, support, and protection.
Experts Weigh In on Definition & Meaning
Father, dad, pops, old man, papa.
There are a lot of different names for dads out there.
But when it comes to father vs dad, is there a difference? Do they mean the same thing, and do they evoke the same emotions?
Most people agree that “father” is a biological title and little more. Any male parent is technically a father… simple as that. The title of dad is earned through hard work — nurturing, bonding with, and supporting your child for the long haul.
Not everyone, however, sees it quite the same way — in the end, the words are subjective and mean different things to different people.
Below is some insight in the dictionary definitions of these two titles, opinions from experts, and my own thoughts on the difference between a dad and a father.
What does the dictionary say?
Merriam-Webster doesn’t offer much clarity on the difference between these two titles for men.
For “father,” they write:
a male parent
a man who has begotten a child
Now here’s the definition of “dad”:
a male parent
Even less clarity there!
So essentially, the difference between a father and a dad is a cultural one that stems from the feelings, memories, and emotions that those words evoke in the people who hear them.
At the end of the day, dad is just an informal name to describe a father — although, in context, there seems to be a great difference between the two.
I also think it’s interesting that the word “father” can be used as a verb, as in to originate or take responsibility for something (like fathering a plan).
Dad can only be used as a verb in a silly or sarcastic way, like, “Oh man, I was dadding so hard today — I’m exhausted!”
The best quote that illustrates the difference between father vs dad
I spoke to a number of parents and experts for this article, and one quote seemed to pop up over and over again.
Here it is:
“Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.” – Anne Gettes
This one simple line seems to capture the sentiment of nearly everyone I surveyed.
Anyone can be a father, but being a dad is something you earn.
When I hear the word “father,” I think about cold and distance.
It’s certainly the word I would use to describe a male parent who’s not particularly involved in his child’s life.
But I can also see using the word “father” to describe a distant, authoritarian parent. A man who shows up and instills discipline and work-ethic but drops the ball on love, affection, and support.
The word “dad,” to me, is full of love.
It speaks to a stronger bond, laughter, silliness, affection, and good memories.
A dad shows up and does what’s required of him as a parent, but he goes above and beyond to form positive, healthy relationships with his children. He’s a force for good in their lives, bringing laughter and unconditional support.
That’s the kind of relationship I had with my own dad and I don’t think I ever once referred to him as my “father.”
What other people & experts are saying
So we know what the dictionary says about fathers and dads, and I just gave you my own personal opinion.
But I also polled a number of other parents and experts on the topic.
Here’s what they said:
“A father… is genetically connected to the child, yet may not be parenting or doing the day to day tasks for the child.”
“He could be categorized as the provider, meeting the basic human needs for the child financially, however, he is not their emotionally or even physically and live elsewhere due to divorce, adoption or abandonment,” writes Jeanette Yoffe, M.A., M.F.T.
(Yoffe is the Executive Director and Founder of Celia Center, a support center for all those connected by foster Care and adoption, as well as a family and child psychotherapist. )
“A dad… shows up and tucks them in at night,” she adds. “He is the one who develops an everlasting role and influence in their child’s life, through connection, guidance, and love.”
“More and more today, the identified ‘dad’ is not even the biological father, and becomes the dad by the emotional attachment established with the child either through foster care, adoption, step-families and even by creating a nurturing figure in the child’s life.”
“Fathering can be seen as an act of nature while being a dad is an act of nurturing.”
“I consistently see ‘Father’ noting the paternal role of the parent, but also it suggests some distance, perhaps even disconnect.”
“While, when people use the term ‘Dad’, I generally hear a suggestion of the person feeling connected, a closeness or bond, with that person,” writes Bri McCarroll, a licensed couples therapist specializing in couples retreats and workshops.
“It’s interesting to see people use both of these terms, such as ‘My father moved away but I spent time with ‘my dad’ (a stepfather) during the week instead,’ she adds. “Again, ‘dad’ suggests a connection, a familiarity, a love.”
“A dad chooses to be involved and commits himself to being there for his children physically and emotionally.”
“I think there is a big difference between a father and a dad,” writes dad Mike Collins from Dadsense.
“Father is a biological term and there’s no great achievement involved in becoming one. Many fathers choose to disappear and have nothing to do with their children after helping bring them into the world. But being a dad is not a one-time thing.”
“Dads push their kids on the swings, attend as many recitals and soccer games as he can, and makes his kids laugh their hearts out at the dinner table. Being a dad is awesome.”
“Father – responsible for 1/2 the genetic material in a child.”
“Dad – present, supportive, loving, playful relationship with the child he is responsible for either biologically or as step Dad or adoptive Dad,” writes Dr. Richard Horowitz, an expert and coach on family-centered parenting.
“Being a father merely means you caused a woman to become pregnant. A Dad is a man who takes on the responsibility of fathering in the fullest sense.”
“The short answer is that anyone can be a father. Not everybody is cut out to be a dad.”
“Dads make sacrifices for their children,” writes an anonymous dad I spoke to via email.
“Dads are present. Dads are leaders and examples for their children to admire and strive to become. Dads are ready with the kind words, the hard truth, and the necessary silence. Dads establish balance and peace. Dads are inclusive and encircle the whole family. Dads teach and provide.”
“Dads are reliable and strong,” he adds, “not necessarily as muscular giants, but as ever-present pillars to lean on.”
“Dads endure—not necessarily because of overwhelming stamina, but because they have an overwhelming purpose.”
“Dads build and fix things—not necessarily from a natural handyman ability, but because creation and repair is an essential part of life. ”
“Great dads are rare. Some are hard to recognize because they’re still working on becoming such.”
The other side of the coin
The general consensus seems to be that Dad is the superior title, evoking love and commitment, while Father reflects little more than biology.
But not everyone sees it quite that way.
There are plenty of people who have a more positive view of the word Father, viewing it as a title that reflects strength, wisdom, and virtue.
Dad, for these folks, can carry some negative connotations — think the goofy dad who loves to play and have fun but can’t be bothered with serious responsibilities.
Your view of these two words is likely colored in great part by your own experiences growing up and the people you surround yourself with now, but there’s no true right or wrong interpretation.
I side with the majority here.
When I hear the words Father and Dad, one clearly evokes more positive feelings in me — and that’s “Dad. ”
The word Father seems to imply some distance, whether it’s total absence or just an emotional disconnect, and refers mostly to the biological connection all men share with their “offspring.”
However, there’s a contingent of people who don’t see it this way, instead preferring the term Father to refer to the provider and rock of the family.
In either case, there’s no right or wrong definition or meaning of either word, at least according to the dictionary.
So how do you see it? What’s the difference between a father and a dad in your opinion?
Now that you’re here, don’t miss my favorite dad-articles like:
9+ ways to be a better dad (according to science)
Chores all dads should do or help with
And scientific proof that being a stay-at-home dad is important work
Thanks for reading!
The role of the father in the upbringing of the child
Have the requirements for the performance of family roles changed today? How does growing up in an incomplete family affect children? Who are the involved fathers? Associate Professor of the Department of Psychology of Pskov State University Candidate of Psychological Sciences Rumiya Kalinina answers questions.
Together, but in different ways
Traditionally, the intra-family roles of men and women were distributed as follows: the husband is the breadwinner, the head of the family, solves all the main issues, the wife is the keeper of the hearth, is responsible for life, household, children. In other words, a man's area of responsibility is the external component, society, the connection of the family with society, and women are the space within the family.
In today's world, the situation has changed somewhat. Over the past century, husband and wife have acquired equal rights and responsibilities in the creation of a family and the upbringing of children. At least legally.
True, in reality this equality is not always manifested. When a marriage is dissolved, in most cases, the child remains with the mother, and, as a rule, women go on maternity leave in our country. Moreover, such decisions “in favor of women” are made by men mostly voluntarily. But there are other options.
In the last 10 years, the term "involved father" has emerged. What does it mean and what does it bring to the family hierarchy and parenting issues?
An involved father is a parent who really takes part in the upbringing and development of the child on an equal footing with the mother.
The first essential feature: an involved father is involved in the life of the child from the moment of birth. Such dads, as a rule, are present at the birth, and then they perform all the same actions as the mother: get up at night to the baby, change diapers, bottle feed, bathe, etc. Involved fathers can go on maternity leave.
The second characteristic of an involved father is that he is not mother's helper. Many of them even get offended when they are asked if they help their wife with a child? What does "I help" mean? I am a father and I participate in the upbringing of my child,” they answer.
This means that the father takes the initiative. He does not sit and wait to be asked to help. He himself sees what needs to be done and what needs to be included.
The third feature of the father of the new generation is connected with the fact that he, like the mother, strives to learn more about parenthood, is interested in the problems of education and develops in this area. In other words, an involved father studies special literature, watches programs, lectures, webinars. Collects and analyzes information on the upbringing and development of children and, as a result, acts consciously. Together with his wife, they study the issue, agree on a decision and act in accordance with the accepted concept.
An important point: it is generally accepted that a woman knows a priori how to properly handle a child, how to educate and develop him. Of course, when planning and waiting for the birth of a baby, a woman, as a rule, studies the problem, prepares, and collects information. But it can also have incorrect, erroneous or stereotypical ideas that do not always work. Therefore, in fact, when it comes to an involved father, it is very important to understand that he becomes an equal parent, that he does not do what his mother said, but forms his position and acts in accordance with it.
Equal does not mean the same
Despite the fact that father and mother are equal in rights and responsibilities, in fact, their roles in raising a child are different.
The role of a mother is protection, support, care, comfort, creation of a warm, comfortable existence. The kid fell - the mother regretted, sympathized and let go further. If a child, for example, lost the competition, got a deuce, etc., the mother will console, say that “this is not the main thing”, “you are still beautiful”, “I love you”, etc.
Daddy's role is to encourage the child to achieve, to take risks, to something new, to search, to experiment. If the child thinks whether to climb the ladder on the playground or not, then dad will say: "Let's climb." If he is scared, if he broke loose or something else happened, then dad will support: “Nothing, everything will work out for you, we move on. ”
Studying, learning new things, understanding one's own abilities comes from the father, and this is confirmed, among other things, by research. When comparing children who grew up in a family where there was only a mother with children who grew up with their fathers, it turned out that the first children are less decisive, less prone to risk and the search for new ways and solutions. They find their comfortable level or way of life and stay there.
Another common stereotype: a father is more important for a boy, a girl can grow up without a father. Yes, every child must understand what gender he is and how to act in accordance with his gender. Accordingly, it turns out that a mother is important for a girl, and a father for a boy, in order to see who is a man and who is a woman. But children of both sexes need both mom and dad equally. Parents teach the child to build relationships with the other sex.
That is why it is important that the father treats his daughter carefully and tenderly - in this way the girl forms an understanding of what relationships are good. If dad is rude, very strict, critical, then for the girl it will be a traumatic experience. She may begin to worry that she is not beautiful enough or interesting enough for the opposite sex, creating an attitude for herself that no one will love her or no one will need her.
Some of the benefits
Involved fathers make children more emotional. They better understand the feelings of others, are more attentive to the experiences of others, they understand them better and, accordingly, treat them more carefully. This is no coincidence.
If you ask a woman what kind of partner she wants, she will say: caring, attentive, sensitive. That is, these are all those words that used to be related only to a woman. But nowadays a man is required to be a feeling, understanding person.
The next difference, which follows from the first one, is that children raised by involved fathers better regulate their own emotional state. They are more emotionally open and stable. In traditional ideology, a man should not show his emotions. He is restrained and does not show what is going on inside him. But an involved father cannot behave in this way. He is in close contact with the child, who is emotionally liberated, mobile, and therefore a man should be open and bright in a sensual way. In other words, the child forces the father to be more emotional and thereby develops his own emotional intelligence.
A man who participates in the upbringing of a child together with his mother has high self-esteem. This has a beneficial effect on all family members and improves relationships between partners. The child sees before him an example of harmonious interaction between a man and a woman, and this has a positive effect on the formation of his ideas about building connections with other people and with the outside world.
Father's role in the family: a psychologist answered the most important questions about dads on the first Father's Day in Russia | 74.
No one can give a child such support as a father
Photo: Alexander Chernykh
Today, on October 17, Father's Day is officially celebrated in Russia for the first time. This is significant - dads in society are gradually recognized not as a secondary figure in the life of a child, but as an independent parent. Psychologists also note this: fathers began to turn more often for advice on upbringing, moreover, they even grasp the essence better than mothers. NGS24.RU correspondent Kadriya Kattsina, in a conversation with clinical psychologist Olga Dolganina, found out why a dad who does not take care of a child is a road to nowhere .
— What role does a father play in a child's life? Its functions are not limited to material support, are they?
- I wouldn't make a distinction between moms and dads. Both parents give support and affection - this is the key to the success of the child in the future. Fathers, of course, give a sense of security: the child knows that everything will be fine with him, the world is stable and predictable. A father for a child is also an example of what a family should be like, an understanding of the male and female roles in the family - what a father is like and how he treats his mother.
Dad is the key to a child's future success
Photo: Andrey Zatirko / NGS24.RU
— Many families practice separation of duties: dad earns, mom takes care of upbringing.
- This is definitely a path that leads nowhere. As a result, it will turn out that the daughter will begin to look for a cold partner, whose attention she will seek all the time. In the case of a boy, it will be the same relationship with his partner, the same neglect, disrespectful attitude towards his mother. This will not happen in 100% of cases, but this is some predisposition. There are cases when a boy sees a dismissive attitude towards his mother, decides for himself: “I don’t want that.” But people more often learn to imitate behavior - as a rule, a person repeats his father.
I recommend not dividing responsibilities and throwing off education only on mom, and earning money - only on dad. I advise you to mix: somewhere dad is with children, and mom is at work, combines, tries to work or takes care of herself - not necessarily work. Dad should have his own time with the child, which they will spend as they want. A dad who exists but does not take care of a child is not the best option for a child.
Everyone is better when dad is involved in parenting from the very birth of the baby
Photo: Kadriya Kattsina / NGS24.RU
— And if a father does not understand how he can spend time with his child, what are the recommendations?
- Not everyone is interested in sitting and rolling cars or playing with dolls, but you can offer your child a game that will be interesting to both. Here you can not take into account the fact that at the age of three with a child it is necessary to collect a pyramid, and at five - to solve a crossword puzzle. It can be a joint walk with the dog, cycling, even lying in bed. It will be enough to devote 20 minutes a day to the child, but so that the attention is one hundred percent. After that, you will have time to surf the Internet and watch TV. If such high-quality communication occurs daily, it will be more than enough.
Yes, adults want to relax after work, but it is important to understand that if you do not spend time on your child now, in the future you yourself will want attention from him. Sounds selfish, but it's a normal desire. Without building this bridge right away, even the most fragile and small, it will be much more difficult to do it in the future.
And one more recommendation: don't pay off with gifts. Instead of Lego or dolls, give children your attention, give them the right to freedom of choice, give them the right to make a mistake.
— What if there is no father in the family? Will it negatively affect the child?
- If there is no father in the family, it's not scary. An example for a child can be another male relative - grandfather, uncle. This is an example of how a man behaves: how he shows his emotions, how he treats women, children, and his work.
It happens that a mother and child move to another city where there are no relatives, then the coach in the sports section takes on such a role - we sometimes recommend this. If the child is a boy, then everything is clear. If it’s a girl, then it’s more difficult: if there is no dad, grandfather, uncle, then in any case there is a mother’s attitude towards men, the attitude of men towards their mother – this attitude girls take with them into the future. If a mother says that men cannot be trusted, she cultivates such an attitude in her child.
Modern grandfathers are not far behind the most advanced dads and are famously coping with slings and ergo backpacks
Photo: Kadriya Kattsina / NGS24.RU
— What if there is a father, but he beats a child or mother?
- If the father allows violence - psychological or physical, then it is highly likely that the child will have depressive, anxiety episodes, panic disorders in the future. It's always a lottery with a minus sign. When they say that the absence of a father is a problem, then I can say that this is better than a father who allows violence. It will be harder for a grown child to work through these injuries. It’s easier later to learn to give love and care to yourself than to deal with the damage that the father caused to the children with his presence.
The results of proper communication with a child sometimes splash out on paper in the form of cute drawings
Photo: Kadriya Kattsina / NGS24.RU
— There are many families where mom and dad got divorced. Sunday dad is better than none?
— Of course, but such a relationship between fathers and children is also defective, because it is important for a child to see dad from different angles. Of course, if dad is not on the phone at the same time, but walking with the child, they do something together - this is even better than an angry dad comes home from work five days a week, has dinner and watches TV, not paying attention to his son or daughter . If it's a dad that's on, even if it's only two days a week, that's great. Then the child will grow up and decide that he himself would like to see his dad more.
— There are fathers who are afraid to show affection to their children. Especially to boys, they say, will grow up gay. Can you confirm or refute this conclusion?
- It has been proven that our sexual orientation depends on genetic prerequisites, and not on us. This is the father’s belief about the manifestation of emotions: “If I hug him, then he will hug all the boys” - no, in fact this is not so. If you hug and support your child, his life will become more peaceful, your child's quality of life will improve.
Cuddling with dads is good for both boys and girls
Photo: Andrey Zatirko / NGS24.RU
hugging yourself. If the father has convictions about this, it is hard for him. Perhaps he has trauma from childhood. This is from the category of "I was beaten and I grew up as a normal person." But we cannot talk about how he would have grown up if he had not been beaten.
By the way, from the point of view of science, avoiding the manifestation of positive feelings, just like physical punishment, affects the child's brain negatively. Such children have a low level of intelligence and emotional intelligence. If you think that by punishing a child or not showing him positive feelings, you contribute to his upbringing and development, then you are deeply mistaken. You only harm him, it is ineffective.
- How then to deal with a child who does unacceptable things - fights or steals?
- Education is a scheme. Dads, by the way, get to grasp it faster than moms.
First, you tell the child that his behavior is unacceptable: “it's not accepted in our family” or “we don't fight”. If he stole something, tell him that it is illegal and unacceptable for his behavior.
Second, share your concerns with your child: “I'm worried about your behavior”, “I'm scared”, “I'm afraid of what will happen next”.
Third, ask the child not to do that again: “please don't do that again.” But do not expect the child to understand the first, second or third time. Even adults do not understand the first time. You have to be literally parrots and repeat it over and over again.
Dad will always support, it's not scary with him
Photo: Kadriya Kattsina / NGS24.RU
- We don't say "punishment", we say "negative reinforcement". If the child continues to commit some unacceptable act, it is necessary to determine the sanctions, that is, to indicate what the child will be if he continues. For example, “you won’t have a phone for the next two days, unfortunately, this is a fact.” It is important that the negative reinforcement is understandable. If you say “you will be without a phone for a month”, and then give up after three days, this is incomprehensible. Limit the use of the gadget for a day - this is just for execution.
The key point - do not evaluate the whole child, evaluate only the deed. Dads do it better than moms too. Do not show a negative attitude, do not stop showing the child that you love him. When we violate the parking rules and we are fined, the inspector does not go to us offended. It is very important for a child to know that he is accepted, despite his actions. Acceptance does not mean consent. Wrong behavior can be corrected with effort.
Dads do not evaluate children, but only actions, and this is what bribes
Photo: Andrey Zatirko / NGS24.RU
— If we are talking about the equality of parents, then why do psychologists say that fathers cope with upbringing better? This is somehow strange, considering that mothers jump at every squeak of the baby.
Time for a child can be found anytime and anywhere, the main thing is to understand why it is needed
Photo: Kadriya Kattsina / NGS24.RU
— Let's go into biology and consider how parents behave. Raises offspring, at least the first six months, just like a female. A woman has a larger area of empathy in her brain than a man. This allows her to understand why the child is crying - from pain or from hunger. The father does not hear this, he cannot distinguish between types of crying, for him the baby just yells. Mom is fast asleep. Dad can collapse on the bed and not even wake up if the baby is crying. He has nothing to do with it, this does not mean that he does not care. It is mothers after childbirth who hear every breath of the child so much that it even prevents them from falling asleep.
At the start, the biological abilities of mothers and fathers are different. The father needs to catch this wave, and then the mother should become his guide. Then, after a while, when the father has already trained, he is no longer just an assistant, he becomes an independent parent.
Dads, due to the fact that they are less emotional, are more resolute. We note that fathers often sign up for family therapy and bring their children. Popes are taking a proactive stance. The classic roles of mother and father are being erased. Dads are more balanced, rational in their educational decisions than moms, and most importantly, predictable and reasonable. You know, there is a joke like this: why does a child need two parents? So that when one has a roof going, the second is connected.