How does an adopted child feel

3 Common Adopted Child Problems

Are you pregnant and considering adoption for your baby? In your heart, you may feel that adoption is the most positive option for your baby. This choice will allow your child to grow and thrive in a loving, devoted adoptive family. You may know that, through adoption, your child will encounter greater opportunities and experiences than you can offer at this time.

As an expectant/birth mother, you want what is best for your child. Still, you are worried about your child’s happiness and wonder how he or she will feel years down the road. You may worry that adoption will bring your child more problems than it will positivity as he or she grows. So you are asking, “What problems will my child face after the adoption takes place?”

For over 34 years, Adoptions With Love has seen adoptions unfold. We have watched our adopted children grow up to be successful, joyful adults. We have celebrated the good times and worked with them through challenges life brings. We have helped many adoptees find and contact their birth parents. We have witnessed beautiful relationships stem from those reunions.

We want to assure you that, if you choose adoption, your child will have countless positive experiences. In our most recent infographic, we discussed the benefits of adoption and the positive outcomes that adoption can bring to children. We found that adopted children typically lead lives no different from their non-adopted peers. Sometimes, they even have better experiences than the general population. For example, children who were adopted are more likely to be read to or sung to every day. The majority of adopted children are in very good health, are engaged in school, live in safe neighborhoods, and exhibit positive social behaviors.

While they often have positive experiences overall, many adopted children will encounter challenges at different points in their lives. They have experiences that are unique to being adopted, which can then have an impact on their feelings and behaviors growing up. While every child has a different adoption experience, these are three common challenges that adopted children face as they grow.

1. Feelings of Loss or Grief:

As adopted children mature and try to understand their adoption, many will develop feelings of loss, grief, anger, or anxiety. They may feel as though they lost their birth parents, siblings, language, or culture. This grief may also stir feelings of uncertainty. Adopted children may wonder “What is wrong with me?” or “Will my adoptive parents leave me, too?

Constant communication is essential for adopted children to overcome their anxieties. When adoptive parents acknowledge their child’s emotions and provide an outlet for self-expression, adopted children typically fare well. Those who feel especially secure in their adoptive family or have an open adoption arrangement are also better able to manage their uncertainties.

2. Issues with Identity Formation:

Identity development begins in childhood and becomes increasingly prominent through the teenage years. Adolescence is when children start to understand and explore who they are, where they came from, and their purpose in life. For adopted children, filling in the blanks can create an extra challenge. Adoptees in closed adoptions may wonder why they were placed for adoption, what became of their biological parents, if they have siblings, and whether they look like their birth family.For adopted children, genetics often hold a particularly special place.

Adoptees often want to know if they resemble their biological family in personality or physical traits. We have heard stories from adoptees who, as children, always looked for their birth families on the streets. Adoptees also want to know their medical backgrounds. Having access to their genetic history allows children to know about any diseases or conditions that may run in their family. For these reasons, open adoption is especially beneficial for adopted children. It gives them tangible answers to important questions.

3. Self-Esteem:

As they grow, adopted children may face issues with self-esteem. They may view themselves as different, out-of-place, or unwelcome in social circles. At times, they may feel as though they do not fit in with others. This lack of self-confidence usually arises in those who feel embarrassed or ashamed of their adoption.

When adopted children are raised to see their adoption in a positive light, they are more likely to have a better sense-of-self growing up. When adoptees have good relationships with their adoptive and birth families, they also tend to have higher self-esteem and self-worth.

Through experience and research, we have found that open adoption often brings the most positive outcomes to adopted children. Open adoption gives adoptees a sense of wholeness and helps them overcome any challenges growing up. They can understand who their birth parents really are, rather than fantasizing. Children in open adoptions do not have to question where they came from, what their biological parents look like, or wonder why they were placed for adoption. Instead, they can carry the pride of knowing that both their adoptive and biological families love them unconditionally.

Choosing an open adoption means giving your child an invaluable gift: a sense of self. It means giving your child the opportunity to communicate with you and put all of his or her puzzle pieces together. It means giving your child the chance to get to know you.

While we find open adoption to be very positive, we know that it is not right for everyone. At Adoptions With Love, we also offer semi-open and closed adoption plans to any expectant/birth parents considering adoption. If you would like to discuss your options or learn more about adoption, please call us at 1-800-722-7731.

To learn more about the effects of adoption on children, please download our free eBook by clicking below.

Long-Term Issues For The Adopted Child

Being an Adopted Child
Adopted Children: Tracing History
Potential Psychological Effects
Receiving Questions and Comments from Others
Ways of Moving Forward

Being an Adopted Child

A multitude of issues may arise when children become aware that they have been adopted. Children may feel grief over the loss of a relationship with their birthparents and the loss of the cultural and family connections that would have existed with those parents.

This feeling of loss may be especially intense in closed or semi-open adoptions where little or no information or contact is available with birthparents. Such grief feelings may be triggered at many different times throughout the child's life including when they first learn of their adoption, during the turbulent teen years, upon the death of other family members, or even as when becoming a spouse or parent.

There can also be significant concerns about feeling abandoned and "abandonable," and "not good enough," coupled with specific hurt feelings over the birthmother's choice to "reject" the child" to "give me away" or "not wanting me enough." Such hurtful and vulnerable feelings may be compounded should the child learn that the birthmother later had other children that she chose to raise herself.

Adopted Children: Tracing History

Adopted children may also suffer from a loss of access to important medical or genetic birth family histories. Although adoption agencies take pains to gather medical and family history information, it is often not possible to have full information for the entire birth family.

Therapists are Standing By to Treat Your Depression, Anxiety or Other Mental Health Needs

Explore Your Options Today

In a closed or semi-open adoption, there may be no way for an adopted child to ask questions or clarify vague or missing information that may only become relevant long after the adoption occurred. Even a simple doctor's appointment wherein an adopted child is quizzed about their family medical history can become a trigger for painful or awkward feelings, reminding the adopted child (or adult) that he or she is somehow different from others and doesn't have the same information available to share with the doctor.

Potential Psychological Effects

Adopted children may struggle with self-esteem and identity development issues more so than their non-adopted peers.

Identity issues are of particular concern for teenagers who are aware that they are adopted and even more so, for those adopted in a closed or semi-open circumstance.Such children often wonder why they were given up for adoption. They may also wonder about what their birth family looks like, acts like, does for a living, etc.

They may struggle with the knowledge that they may have a whole other family "out there" including half-siblings or extended family members that they may never meet.
These issues may still arise in open adoption circumstances, but in that case, adopted children may have the opportunity to form some manner of relationship with their birthmother so as to gain direct access to relevant information.

Guilt feelings may accompany such identity issues and concerns.

Adopted children may feel as though they are betraying their adoptive family and/or that they will hurt their adoptive family by expressing their desire to learn about their birth family.
In a best case scenario, adopted children do not have to wonder how their adoptive family members feel about their interest in their birthparents because adoptive parents will have addressed these concerns directly in previous conversation. Even in such a best-case scenario, the emotions may still be somewhat painful or difficult.

It is not obvious that an adoption has occurred when adopted children physically resemble their adoptive parents since people are unlikely to spontaneously ask about adoption issues. When parents and children are visibly different (as with interracial adoptions), people outside the family may ask questions or (in an unsolicited manner) "share" their viewpoints on adoption and the appropriateness of adopting a child from another race or culture.

This type of attention can quickly become annoying and even hurtful if adoptive parents do not take steps to shut it down.
Ignoring such questions, or calmly and assertively stating that the topic is not something that is open for discussion are often good ways to quiet nosy strangers.
A more nuanced approach is appropriate when touchy questions have been asked by people the family knows to be well meaning and sincere. In such a case, adoptive children need to look at the questioner's motives for asking, which may stem from a genuine lack of knowledge rather than a desire to harm or take delight in others' discomfort.

Sensitive adoptive children may also fall victim to teasing and bullying at school, where other children taunt them in an attempt to make them feel ashamed for being adopted.

Ways of Moving Forward

Not every adopted child will express an interest in his or her birth family history. Some children become aware that most adoptions occur when birthmothers judge themselves financially and/or emotionally unable to raise a given child, and come to feel that there isn't anything to gain by wondering about or seeking out their birth family. Such children prefer to just leave the adoption as a "done deal" and move on with who they are now, letting the past stay in the past. There is nothing wrong with adopted children who fail to show concern about their birth parents, and likewise, nothing wrong with adopted children who do show such interest. Both reactions are normal, if sometimes painful.

Myndfulness App

Designed to Help You Feel Better Daily

Download Now For Free

Learn More >

How to get closer and find mutual understanding with an adopted child in a family

The period of adaptation of family life when adopting a child is quite difficult. On the one hand, it may seem that the main thing is just to love a child, and then all problems and difficulties will be solved by themselves. But it is not so. The fact is that in the case of a foster child, there are some differences that make adaptation and family life special. And here it is important not only to love the child, but also to have the necessary information and knowledge.

It must be remembered that a difficult event happened in the life of every adopted child - he lost his family and parents. Very young children (up to a year or two) may not remember this consciously, but, nevertheless, all this leaves a mark on their lives: they may develop an attachment disorder, often a developmental lag. Older children, as a rule, experience severe stress, fear, pain of losing one of the foundations of their lives. All this cannot but affect not only their development, but also their psychological state, perception of the world and themselves in it.

That is why it is important for adoptive parents to have not only love for the child and a general positive attitude, but also certain knowledge, as well as a willingness to accept the help of specialists.

Attachment problems

Prospective adoptive parents or guardians need to be aware of attachment disorders that occur in foster children. These violations are the root of many problematic situations, so if a parent understands what is happening with his adopted child, then it is easier for him to maintain self-control himself, as well as find an approach to the child and solve problems that arise.

Attachment is the desire to maintain and maintain an intimate relationship with another person. This is a need for closeness, communication, trust. It has been scientifically proven that emotional warmth affects the development of children. The care and participation of an adult allows the child to learn from adults, to trust both people and the world as such. If a small child has not had the experience of long-term close relationships with one person, or these relationships have been interrupted several times and not restored, then his ability to maintain attachment is reduced or lost, in connection with which, for example, the following situations may arise:

child provokes, deliberately irritates parents, tests for strength;
the child may not allow trusting relationships with any adult at all. He is closed, emotionally cold. He is not aggressive, but avoids intimate relationships;
the child is either rude and provokes, or behaves in exactly the opposite way - looking for affection and attention;
child deliberately violates boundaries, does not feel sympathy, prefers to be feared. In these cases, violent and destructive actions can be observed;
the child is looking for mom and dad in all the people around him, ready to be affectionate with everyone. Quality here is replaced by quantity.

Typically, the behavior of a child with an attachment disorder can be classified into one of the types described above. Parents need to know that almost all of them are corrected, but it takes time, patience, and sometimes the help of specialists. Situations with cruel, destructive behavior of a child require separate control, because it is especially difficult to achieve the socialization of such a child.

Is it necessary to tell the child about the birth family?

Whether to tell a child about his biological parents, and how to do it - this question worries almost all adoptive parents. On the one hand, it may seem that talking about blood parents will bring up sad or unpleasant memories, and adoptive parents avoid this. But if you do not talk about something, this does not mean that the child will not think about it, and the situation as such will not change.

The first question is whether it is worth telling the child that he is adopted. This question, as a rule, arises in the case of the adoption of very young children who cannot yet consciously remember their parents.

If you answer this question briefly, then adoption specialists say unequivocally - yes, the child needs to be informed. And this is confirmed by decades of practice and thousands of families in which difficulties arose precisely because of attempts to keep a secret.

Some adoptive parents are trying to create a mystery, and the mystery shrouds many relatives and friends of the family. Growing up children often already guess that they are not being told something. Cases when the secret nevertheless becomes clear occur frequently, but the consequences of this for a child (at any age, even an adult) are very difficult. He suffers from a sense of trust in the world, belonging to his family. Family conflicts arise, sometimes very difficult. There may even be a break with foster parents on an emotional wave. Therefore, telling the child about his birth parents in time and correctly is the way to ensure that the child accepts this situation in the least painful way.

The sooner this is done, the better. A small child will take it for granted, and then just gradually grow up with it. Maybe he will remember this very rarely. But in any case, this information will no longer be a shock to him and in itself will not be an obstacle to the formation of close relationships with the foster family.

If the adoptive parents feel some kind of inconvenience, fear, shame to talk about it, then it is better to first deal with their feelings and their cause. As a rule, in all guardianship authorities there are schools for adoptive parents, where psychologists specialize in these topics. Other psychological services can also be consulted. The main thing is that the adoptive mother or father can regain confidence and calmness.

Three stages of adaptation

There are three conditional stages that a family goes through after adopting a child.

First - idealization

For both the child and the adoptive parents, the future life is painted in a rainbow light. Everyone tries to please each other. This is an important stage, and high expectations somewhat smooth out the change of environment for the child and help to establish contact.

In no more than a month or two, inevitable conflicts appear, because the child has to adapt to new rules, and parents have to change their lives. And the next stage begins...

Adaptation in the family

Now the child can already demonstrate the fear of attachment to new people, and test the new rules for strength, and intensely yearn for a birth family or a children's institution. Children may not obey, show aggression.

Here, the adoptive parents will need maximum patience, perseverance, flexibility, the ability to build a dialogue, to seek compromises. This stage lasts about 6 months, and as a result, a sense of community and trust should appear in the family.

After this conflict and difficult period, as a rule, a more stable state sets in, when the child is integrated into the new routine, and the family accepts the child. At this stage, you can talk with the child about his past, create new family traditions and rules.

Tips for adapting a child to a foster family

Comfort and support

Almost all children who leave orphanages experience a feeling of sadness. They may worry about the loss of their blood family, and about parting with friends from the orphanage that has become familiar, and simply about the difficulty of adapting to a new place. Parents need to be given the opportunity to cry out, express their feelings, and at the same time be there, try to calm the child and show their support, care and attention.

Daily routine and new rules

It is difficult for a child to adapt, so you need to explain the new rules, the daily routine as clearly, in detail, calmly as possible. About what will happen on each day of the week. This certainty will help the child feel more confident and calm.

Adults need to help and support the child. Help to pack for school, plan a schedule.

Physical health care, clothing and personal effects

It is advisable to take into account the child's preferences in food, find out what he likes. Help him fall asleep in the evening, be with him. Maybe he is not used to sleeping in a room alone - then you can temporarily turn on the night light, open the door or sleep with him in the room. Such simple care can greatly facilitate the adaptation of the child.

Waiting for the return love of a foster child

Parents can take the initiative in their affection, care, expression of love and warmth, but not wait for a response from the child. It is quite normal that it will not appear immediately. The manifestation of your feelings must also be monitored - for example, if hugs are unpleasant for a child, you can simply take his hand first.

Memories of a Child

The child may yearn for his past. If he does not remember it, he can invent fictitious facts. It is important for a child to have an idea about his past, and some children from the orphanage have absolutely no information other than the name of the parent and place of residence. It appears as if there is a gap, an empty space. And this is bad for the formation of the psyche of the child.

It is for this purpose that the foster family can create collages, pictures and even fictitious photo albums, which will contain everything that in one way or another concerned the life of the child. Pictures of his city, pictures of what his parents might have looked like. And in this story of his life there will be the moment of his appearance in a new family and photographs of his growing up. Thus, you can tell the child that there are blood parents to whom he was born, and there is a family in which he will grow up as his own child.

Of course, the topic of adoption and adaptation of a child in a family is very extensive, and we have considered only some issues. The main thing is that future adoptive parents should prepare for adoption in advance, read literature, attend special classes. This will help to go through the adaptation period as easily and quickly as possible and create an atmosphere of warmth and trust in the family.

Back

Foster child in your family

Adopting a child is a complex and important decision for which it is impossible to be fully prepared. Alexandra Chernysheva, a psychologist at the Architecture of the Future Center, told incamp.ru how to prepare for the arrival of a new family member.

— Can anyone take a foster child and raise him? Or does it require certain qualities?

— Of course, anyone can become a foster parent. For this, rather, not certain qualities are needed, but knowledge. Now, in order to become a foster parent, you must go through a foster parent school. It provides high-quality training, including work with a psychologist - traumas and personality traits are worked out, legal advice and much more. Gradually, parents come to realize responsibility and obligations.

Gender education: fashion or necessity?

— What kind of psychological preparation should a parent go through before taking a child from an orphanage?

- Awareness of one's own motives: "Why am I doing this?" If a person wants to “save”, protect, do a good deed, then the probability of a sad outcome is higher. The second thing to consider is that children from an orphanage or children's home have personal psychological characteristics. The vast majority have a violation of attachment, because they live in a special environment, pedagogical neglect, because the education system is not individual. You have to be ready for this.

— Why does the desire to “save” a child lead to negative consequences?

— When we “save” a child, when we do a good deed, we, unconsciously, wait for gratitude as well. It is pointless to expect gratitude from any child, especially if he has an attachment disorder, a traumatic experience of living in his own birth family. After all, children are removed from the family when there is a threat to life, health and development. The child from the orphanage is deeply traumatized. Even if he does not remember his parents, past events are reflected in him. There is a low probability of taking a child from an orphanage without strong emotional experiences and tragedies.

New marriage: how to build a relationship between a child and a stepfather or stepmother?

- How do I know if I'm ready to take responsibility?

- Read the stories of foster families on the Internet. There are many forums that describe such stories. They must be carefully studied in order to get rid of rose-colored glasses. Of course, there is always a chance that you will come across a child who will get used to you effortlessly in six months, and everything will be fine. But there are other cases as well. You must go to this step with open eyes, understanding what you are doing and how events can unfold.

It is important to go to foster parent school. Pass not for show, but really work with psychologists, listen to lectures, prepare legally. Now more and more actively work is being done to return children to their birth families. Accordingly, there is always a chance that the authorities will want to return the child taken under guardianship to the blood parents. You must understand all legal nuances.
Parents should work through personal difficulties and traumas, talk to a psychologist, get to know their weak points. "Children from the system" often unconsciously press on the most painful points. A lot of foster parents say that during the period of adaptation they found out what “monsters” live in them.

The main task is to take off the rose-colored glasses and only then make the final decision. This is more than a responsible step, which has serious consequences for all participants. Any return of a child back into the system is a trauma for the family and the child himself. Even if it seems that everyone breathed a sigh of relief, this act will reflect on the family.

- In your professional experience, what are the main problems foster parents face?

- We do not work much with foster families, for this there are thematic psychologists - specialists in working with foster families. If you, as a family, are going to take a child from an orphanage, you need to look for a thematic psychologist. These are people who work with this specificity and have extensive experience. Even psychologists with specialized education working with clients cannot always feel all the specifics. If we consider the dynamics of the development of a born child, then it is impossible to compare it with the dynamics of the development of a child from the system. A professional person must understand the psychological characteristics of a child from an orphanage. Otherwise, there is an option to get unqualified help.

I would divide the problems into two groups: firstly, problems related to the psychological state of the child and family, and secondly, public opinion. As for the second: it is important to decide how others will or will not be aware that you are accepting a child into the family. If they are in the know, one must be prepared for questions, discussions, disputes with friends, relatives and acquaintances. We need to be understanding and prepared for this, including discussions about "the genes of alcoholics and drug addicts" and "why don't you give birth yourself."

If we return to the psychological state, then the main problem is adaptation. No matter how well-built contact, the child still ends up in a family with strangers, and you accept a stranger into the family. There are parents who accept the child immediately, as if they themselves gave birth. There are those who find it difficult. But usually adaptation takes quite a long time. According to thematic psychologists and parents, the most difficult time is after 5-6 months, when your own resource is already running out, but there are still difficulties. The more complex the history of the child (there were returns, severe injuries within the family, physical and sexual abuse), the more likely that the child will misbehave, including in deviant forms, manipulate, try different models of influence.

— What age characteristics are important to consider when making this decision?

— If you have no experience of interacting with adopted children, and have your own biological children, it is better to take children younger than natural ones so that there is no rivalry, so that relationships are easier to build. If you do not have experience and you do not feel a great resource in yourself, you should not take a child with a very complex history, especially a “returnable” one. There are age nuances, but in each situation there are individual characteristics.
Babies up to a year old: the system has not yet had time to “roll” over them - rehabilitation, recovery, the formation of attachment occur most easily, the child is still very small, it is easier to catch up with the age norm of development. No matter how good the orphanage is, the child almost does not receive individual attention there. This has a very strong influence on the development of the child, mental and physical. On the other hand, at this age it is more difficult to detect certain diseases and make a diagnosis.

Age crises in a child: how not to go crazy for a parent?

Younger preschoolers, from 1 to 4 years old, are more involved in the system, more traumatized. If a child was abandoned at birth, then he may have serious attachment problems, he was never in a blood family. Attachment is the ability to have tender feelings for another, empathy, love, close relationships. There are always exceptions, perhaps it was with this child that one of the staff played, picked up, gave individual attention, and communicated. But this is an age in which much can still be made up for, developed, this is a sensitive period.

Pedagogical neglect is often observed in children aged 5-8. Often in an orphanage, children are cunning, lazy, and refuse to study. Some people have almost no knowledge of school. You also need to be prepared for this. A lot of effort will have to be spent on education.

If we talk about teenagers, the situation with education is the same. Adolescence is the age of experimentation, trial and error. At this age, children themselves do not always want to go to a family, they do not understand why and why they were taken away, why they should obey new people, they want to go back to the orphanage. On the other hand, some, on the contrary, want to get into the family and break out of the system. Then it is easier to negotiate, discuss, seek compromises.

— If all the stages are passed and it's time to go to the orphanage to choose a child, how to do it?

- There is no universal recipe. It is important that the child is nice to you. Not in the photo, but a real child. The process of adaptation is not always easy, and the fact that you like the child will make it easier. Drive away from yourself the thought: “Not at the market, you don’t have to choose.” We must choose. Understand how pleasant the child himself is, his appearance, habits, smell. It is important to feel sympathy for this particular child.
It's great if the child first shows some wariness towards us. This suggests that the child is more likely to distinguish between "friend or foe" boundaries. If the child goes into the arms of everyone at once, there may be a violation of attachment. Children looking into their eyes and asking: "Mommy, daddy, will you pick me up?" - an example of childish manipulation, which can fatally affect your choice. If nothing yokes, and the child seems unsympathetic and unpleasant to us, then think twice.

— If a parent made this decision, but faced difficulties, it seems to him that nothing worked out, where to look for strength and help?

- Turn to thematic psychologists and not bring the situation to your own exhaustion. It will be difficult anyway, so seek professional support. If it seems to you that a psychologist is helping you somehow in a wrong way, look for another. But it is worth going to thematic specialists.
If possible, seek help and support from relatives, relatives, other foster parents. It is important that the environment is supportive. If someone from the environment tells you: “Surrender the child and don’t suffer!”, Look for other help, this is not help, but unnecessary difficulties.

If you can send your child somewhere to rest, do so. Just let it not be a special institution - a camp, a kindergarten, a sanatorium - but grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends, professional foster families, somewhere where the child will not be back in the system so that there is no rollback. Do your best to restore your own resources - do not forget about sleep, pleasant experiences, hobbies and hobbies. When you don’t have the resources yourself, you can’t help the child either. Look for help among foster families on special forums, where you can find help and support from professional families who have already been through a lot and are ready to help with advice. Make a list of positive qualities of the child, pleasant memories that bind you. Buy him cute clothes that you and he will like, give him a new haircut. The more you like the child, the easier it will be to accept and feel related.

— If a child is adopted as a very young child, the temptation is high not to tell the child about his status, is it worth it?

— There is often such a temptation, especially if the child has already “grown up” and seems so familiar. However, this should not be done. Firstly, there will always be people who will know about acceptance, and at the most inopportune moment will tell about it: a “kind” neighbor, a compassionate friend, one of the relatives in the heat of a quarrel ... After that, it will be difficult to restore relations, especially if it is happens during adolescence. Let's be honest, every teenager tried on the role of a foster child, wondering, “Is it because tough parents make me wash the dishes because I’m not their own?”. What if it turned out to be true? Trust will not return.

Trust: how not to lose and return the lost?

Secondly, it is not fair to the child himself. Hiding the truth from him, we deprive him of his own history, whatever it may be. It is not necessary to tell all the details, especially if they are scary, but to know the truth is the right of every person.

Thirdly, lying to a loved one all your life is a heavy burden that you doom yourself to if you keep silent about this fact. Moreover, children subtly feel the intonations and emotions of their parents, and on a subconscious level, questions about pregnancy, childbirth and early childhood (before the child came into your family) will cause anxiety, which will be reflected in the reactions of parents.

If I haven't convinced you yet, it's worth reading on the Internet the stories of adopted children who accidentally found out about their adoption.

- A few words of farewell.

— Adopting a child into a family is an absolute blessing. The system is crippling. According to the latest statistics, no more than 10% of orphanage graduates adapt in life. All the rest are those who hide, provide orphanages with the next generation of pupils, go into crime, drug addiction and end up sadly.

On the other hand, you need to take this step with your eyes open, because most of the children in the orphanage are traumatized. It is not entirely correct to apply to them both the age and personality norms of ordinary children. There is always a chance that you will come across the perfect child with whom you will immediately feel a relationship, but you should not count on it.

If you are expecting to take a lovely baby who will be grateful to you, and you get an injured child who destroys everything around, beats other children, lies and manipulates, then there is a high probability of a return, that is, another deep trauma.

Let's take responsibility for our actions and prepare for what's to come.