How do you discipline your child when he creates tantrums

Temper Tantrums (for Parents) - Nemours KidsHealth

Temper tantrums can be frustrating for any parent. But instead of looking at them as disasters, treat tantrums as opportunities for education.

Why Do Kids Have Tantrums?

Temper tantrums range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath-holding spells. They're equally common in boys and girls and usually happen between the ages of 1 to 3.

Some kids may have tantrums often, and others have them rarely. Tantrums are a normal part of child development. They're how young children show that they're upset or frustrated.

Tantrums may happen when kids are tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. They can have a meltdown because they can't have something they want (like a toy or candy) or can’t get someone to do what they want (like getting a parent to pay attention to them immediately or getting a sibling to give up the tablet). Learning to deal with frustration is a skill that children gain over time.

Tantrums are common during the second year of life, when language skills are developing. Because toddlers can't always say what they want or need, and because words describing feelings are more complicated and develop later, a frustrating experience may cause a tantrum. As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.

Toddlers want independence and control over their environment — more than they can actually handle. This can lead to power struggles as a child thinks "I can do it myself" or "I want it, give it to me." When kids discover that they can't do it and can't have everything they want, they may have a tantrum.

How Can We Avoid Tantrums?

Try to prevent tantrums from happening in the first place, whenever possible. Here are some ideas that may help:

• Give plenty of positive attention. Get in the habit of catching your child being good. Reward your little one with praise and attention for positive behavior. Be specific about praising behaviors you want to see happen more often (such as, “I like the way you said please and waited for your milk” or “Thank you for sharing the blocks with your sister. ”)
• Try to give toddlers some control over little things. Offer minor choices such as "Do you want orange juice or apple juice?" or "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after taking a bath?" This way, you aren't asking "Do you want to brush your teeth now?" — which of course will be answered "no." Allow control when it doesn’t really matter. Instead of struggling over an outfit your child puts on that doesn’t match, for example, consider whether this may be an opportunity to allow self-expression and independence and if it really makes a difference given the day's schedule.
• Keep off-limits objects out of sight and out of reach. This makes struggles less likely. Obviously, this isn't always possible, especially outside of the home where the environment can't be controlled.
• Distract your child. Try offering something else in place of what they can't have. Start a new activity to replace the frustrating or forbidden one (for example, if your child is jumping on the couch, ask them to come help you “cook” by offering a plastic container and wooden spoon. Then you can praise them for helping or following directions, rather than having them start a tantrum or refuse to get down). Or simply change the environment. Take your toddler outside or inside or move to a different room.
• Help kids learn new skills and succeed. Help kids learn to do things. Praise them to help them feel proud of what they can do. Also, start with something simple before moving on to more challenging tasks.
• Consider the request carefully when your child wants something. Is it outrageous? Maybe it isn't. Choose your battles. It's even OK to change your mind if you originally said no — but find a way to allow the desired treat as a reward for good behavior.
• Know your child's limits. If you know your toddler is tired, it's not the best time to go grocery shopping or try to squeeze in one more errand. Hungry kids are more likely to demand food in the store than children who have just had a meal (just like adults!).

What Should I Do During a Tantrum?

Keep your cool when responding to a tantrum. Don't complicate the problem with your own frustration or anger. Remind yourself that your job is helping your child learn to calm down. So you need to be calm too.

Tantrums should be handled differently depending on why your child is upset. Sometimes, you may need to provide comfort. If your child is tired or hungry, it's time for a nap or a snack. Other times, its best to ignore an outburst or distract your child with a new activity.

If a tantrum is happening to get attention from parents, one of the best ways to reduce this behavior is to ignore it. If a tantrum happens after your child is refused something, stay calm and don't give a lot of explanations for why your child can't have what they want. Move on to another activity with your child.

If a tantrum happens after your child is told to do something they don't want to do, it's best to ignore the tantrum. But be sure that you follow through on having your child complete the task after they're calm.

Kids who are in danger of hurting themselves or others during a tantrum should be taken to a quiet, safe place to calm down. This also applies to tantrums in public places.

If a safety issue is involved and a toddler repeats the forbidden behavior after being told to stop, use a time-out by sitting the child on a designated chair or in the corner for just a few minutes. Be nearby so that you can supervise, but do not interact until they are calm. Be consistent. Don't give in on safety issues.

Preschoolers and older kids are more likely to use tantrums to get their way if they've learned that this behavior works. For school-age kids, it's appropriate to send them to their rooms to cool off while paying little attention to the behavior.

Let your child know that you will tell them when the time-out is over and that the sooner they are calm and quiet, the sooner it will end. This is empowering — kids can affect the outcome by their own actions, and thus gain a sense of control that was lost during the tantrum.

Do not reward your child's tantrum by giving in. This will only prove to your little one that the tantrum was effective.

Consider making a “chill out” or “calm down” spot in your home (some teachers use this in preschool, as well). Use a soft cushion and provide books, a stuffed animal, some soft music, and other calming activities in a place where others won’t disturb the child. Encourage your child to go to the spot when angry or upset — not as a punishment, but as a choice and an opportunity to learn to calm down and control frustration.

What Should I Do After a Tantrum?

Praise your child for regaining control — for example, "I like how you calmed down."

Kids may be especially vulnerable after a tantrum when they know they've been less than adorable. Now (when your child is calm) is the time for a hug and reassurance that your child is loved, no matter what. If your child is old enough to discuss the problem, help them come up with some other ways they might have expressed their frustration.

Make sure your child gets enough sleep. With too little sleep, kids can become hyper, disagreeable, and have extremes in behavior. Getting enough sleep can greatly reduce tantrums. Find out how much sleep is needed at your child’s age. Most kids' sleep needs fall within a set range of hours based on their age, but each child is unique.

When Should I Call the Doctor?

Talk to your doctor if:

• You often feel angry or out of control when you respond to tantrums.
• You keep giving in to try to avoid your child acting out.
• The tantrums cause a lot of bad feelings between you and your child or you and your partner.
• The tantrums happen more often, are more intense, or last longer.
  
• Your child often self-harms or hurts others.
• Your child seems very disagreeable, argues a lot, and hardly ever cooperates.

Your doctor also can check for any health problems that may add to the tantrums, although this is not common. Sometimes, hearing or vision problems, a chronic illness, language delays, or a learning disability can make kids more likely to have tantrums.

Remember, tantrums usually aren't cause for concern and generally stop on their own. As kids mature, they gain self-control. They learn to cooperate, communicate, and cope with frustration. Less frustration and more control will mean fewer tantrums — and happier parents.

Disciplining Your Toddler (for Parents)

Are there any parents who haven't felt complete and utter love for their toddler and, at the same time, frustration and anger?

Our beloved little ones test our nerves because they're testing boundaries all around them. Every day, little by little, they're mastering new skills, and are anxious and excited to use them.

Sometimes it's tough to reel in a toddler, but it can be done. And setting rules and limits now — when your child is learning what behaviors are acceptable — will help prevent bigger problems down the road.

Here are some ways to help you keep your youngster on the right track.

Be Consistent

When it comes to discipline, it's important to be consistent. Parents who don't stick to the rules and consequences they set up don't have kids who do either. For example, if you tell your toddler that a timeout is the repercussion for bad behavior, be sure to enforce it. Only issue warnings for things that you can follow through on. Empty threats undermine your authority.

And don't forget that kids learn by watching adults, particularly their parents. So make sure your own behavior is role-model material. When asking your child to pick up toys, you'll make a much stronger impression if you've put away your own belongings rather than leaving your stuff all around the room.

Eliminate Temptation

By now, you've figured out that your toddler wants to explore and investigate the world. Toddlers are naturally curious, so it's wise to eliminate temptations whenever possible. That means keeping things like TVs, phones, and electronics out of reach. Also beware of choking hazards like jewelry, buttons, and small items that kids can put in their mouths.

And always keep cleaning supplies and medicines stored safely away where kids can't get to them.

Use Distraction

If your roving toddler does head toward an unacceptable or dangerous play object, calmly say "No" and either remove your child from the area or distract him or her with another activity.

It's important to not spank, hit, or slap your child. At this age, kids are unlikely to be able to make a connection between the behavior and physical punishment. The message you send when you spank is that it's OK to hit someone when you're angry. Experts say that spanking is no more effective than other forms of discipline, such as timeouts.

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Practice Timeout

If you need to take a harder line with your child, timeouts can be an effective form of discipline. A 2- or 3-year-old who has been hitting, biting, or throwing food, for example, should be told why the behavior is unacceptable and taken to a designated timeout area — a kitchen chair or bottom stair — for a minute or two to calm down.

As a general rule, about 1 minute per year of age is a good guide for timeouts. Longer timeouts have no added benefit. And they could undermine your efforts if your child gets up (and refuses to return) before you signal that the timeout has ended.

Be sure that the timeout area is away from distractions such as toys or TV, and that you do not provide your child with any attention (talking, eye contact) while they're sitting in timeout.

How to Avoid Temper Tantrums

Even the most well-behaved toddler can have a tantrum from time to time. Tantrums are common during toddlerhood because kids can understand more than they can express and this often leads to frustration.

Toddlers get frustrated in other ways too, like when they can't dress a doll or keep up with an older sibling. Power struggles can come when your toddler wants more independence and autonomy too soon.

The best way to deal with tantrums is to avoid them, whenever possible. Here are some tips that may help:

• Make sure your child isn't acting up to get attention. Establish a habit of catching your child being good ("time-in"), which means rewarding your little one with attention for positive behavior.
• Give your toddler control over little things. This may fulfill the need for independence and ward off tantrums. Offer minor choices that you can live with, such as "Would you like an apple or banana with lunch?"
• When kids are playing or trying to master a new task, offer age-appropriate toys and games. Also, start with something easy before moving on to more challenging tasks. This will build their confidence and motivation to try things that might be frustrating.
• Consider the request carefully when your child wants something. Is it outrageous? If not, try to be flexible.
• Know your child's limits. If you know your toddler is tired, it's not the best time to go grocery shopping or try to squeeze in one more errand.

When Tempers Flare

If your child does throw a tantrum, keep your cool. Don't complicate the problem with your own frustration. Kids can sense when parents are becoming frazzled and this can just make their frustration worse. Try to understand where your child is coming from. For example, if your youngster has just had a great disappointment, you may need to provide comfort.

Children seek attention from their parents, and an easy way to get a big reaction is to misbehave. One of the best ways to reduce attention-seeking behavior is to ignore it. Continue your activities, paying no attention to your child but remaining within sight.

Keep in mind that when you do this, your child's behavior may get worse before it gets better. This can be frustrating, but it means that ignoring the tantrum is working. Your child will try harder to get your attention with misbehavior because it has worked in the past. When your child learns that misbehaving won't get your attention, the behavior will start to improve.

Note: Kids who are in danger of hurting themselves or others during a tantrum should be taken to a quiet, safe place to calm down. Ignoring is not an appropriate way of handling aggressive or dangerous behavior.

Some kids will have a hard time stopping a tantrum. In these cases, try saying, "I'll help you settle down now." But whatever you do, don't reward your toddler by giving in. This will only prove that tantrums are an effective way to get what he or she wants. Instead, verbally praise your child for regaining self-control. Remember, you want to teach your child that the best way to get what he or she wants is through good behavior.

As their language skills improve and they mature, kids become better at handling frustration, and tantrums are less likely. If you're having trouble handling temper tantrums or have any questions about discipline, ask your child's doctor for advice.

A child has a tantrum - what should parents do (5 tips)

“I don't want to! I won't! Buy it! - these phrases, accompanied by a wild cry and rolling on the floor, were heard by almost every mother. All children sooner or later try tantrums as a way to achieve a goal. For some, this quickly passes, for others it becomes a habit, for others it turns into a disease bordering on pathology. What to do if a child has a tantrum?

Content:

What are the reasons and what are the features?

If a child becomes hysterical for any reason...

How to react?

Children's tantrum is a strong emotional reaction to an external irritating factor.

Usually, mother or another close person becomes such an irritant. As a rule, knowing the boundless parental love and pliability of relatives, the child manipulates them, trying to achieve his own.

What are the reasons and what are the features?

The reasons why a child throws tantrums can be conditionally divided into three groups: manipulation, defense, demonstration.

Manipulation

Appears as a result of the desire to control adults through acute emotional outbursts. Key words: “Give!”, “Buy!”, “Do!”. This hysteria has a commanding tone. The kid, once having achieved his goal in this way or seeing a certain example, will definitely apply it the next time.

For example, , for boy A, the grandmother did not buy a kinder surprise in the store. He threw a tantrum, with falls and screams. It was easier for Grandmother to give in and buy an egg than to endure the gaze of others. Among the onlookers was boy B. He remembered such an interesting opportunity to achieve deliciousness and once tried it on his mother.

Situation analysis.

• If the mother of the second boy also makes concessions, then this whole process can be called endless. A chain reaction of tantrums.
• If boy A's grandmother had her way and found ways to calm her grandson, the chain of seizures would have stopped before it even started.

Defense

Key words: “I don’t want!”, “I won’t!”, “Do it yourself!”. Hysteria with an offended tone. Here, in the mind of the baby, his rights to freedom were touched. The principle of a chain reaction is no exception here: it worked once - it always works!

Example. Dad asks son to put toys away. He does not want to, although he no longer plays them. The process of confrontation begins: the father insists, the son becomes hysterical. Mom comes to the aid of her son and starts collecting toys for him. Question: who is right, who is wrong? The answer is obvious.

Situation analysis.

• Family requirements must be the same for both parents. It is important! If dad said: “Take it away!”, then mom should support dad.
• In this case, the mother's help was to the detriment of the family, the boy, and society. In case of impotence of the father, she had to come up with an option to collect toys together with her son. Perhaps in a playful way.

Demonstration Key words: “I am here!”, “I am like that!”, “Look!”.

Consider an example. Children were painting in the garden. The teacher commented on the results of the work. She praised the work of all the children, except girl A. After a while, the girl began to laugh loudly and abruptly for no reason. Laughter turned into hysterics.

Situation analysis.

• The teacher's mistake caused a storm of inner feelings in the girl. The accumulated feelings resulted in hysterical laughter.
• Such systematic oversights by adults can lead to complex mental disorders. One small compliment would have ruled out such a situation.

If a child is hysterical for any reason ...

When the attacks become constant and are systematic, then we are dealing with a very capricious and spoiled copy, or with hysteria associated with the peculiarities of the psyche. Let's call them "Hysterics-accentuations" and refer them to the fourth special group.

Accentuations are the individual characteristics of a person, which, with a certain development of events, can lead to pathology.

There are ten types of accentuations. In our case, we are talking about demonstrative accentuation. Acutely manifested demonstrativeness can lead to hysterical psychopathy.

Demonstrative people are distinguished by bright outbursts of emotions, hysterical fits against the background of pronounced egocentrism. They want to be the center of the earth. In the absence of real talents and abilities, they attract attention with antisocial acts, lies, embellishment of their personality, and inappropriate behavior.

The fourth group of tantrums can lead to mental illness!

If the child has pronounced features of demonstrative accentuation, you should contact a specialist - he will tell you how to calm the baby during this kind of tantrum in a particular situation.

How to respond?

There is an opinion that by reacting to a tantrum, we provoke its continuation. But this is a myth! It is important to understand that violent emotional reactions can harm not only the baby's psyche, but also affect the body. The kid can scream and break his voice. Take a breath of cold air and catch a cold. It is also fraught with the formation of a hernia. As well as headaches, dizziness, nosebleeds.

Conclusion: it is necessary and very important to react. But how to calm the child? The main thing is to find the right way to respond, which will lead to everyone's satisfaction.

Tips and tricks

2. It is important not to stoop to the level of a little brawler yourself. Do not set bad examples for children. Do not break into a cry in response to his inadequate actions. If adults have problems with self-control, you need to choose a method for managing emotions. For example, count to yourself from ten to one. In this short period of time, a lot can change in intentions.
3. Switch your baby's attention before the climax of the attack: offer an alternative activity or buy a tasty but healthy product instead of candy. The only alternative should be of interest to the child.
4. Think of code words or phrases. For example, when the baby wants to walk, and you need to cook. Tell the tomboy rolling on the floor: “Sunny, are you tired? Sleep, and I'll go cook the soup. When you sleep, come help.”
5. Never reproach your son or daughter for a past tantrum. It is important, after calming down, to say what happened and explain again that in this way he will never achieve his goal.

Remain calm, hold your positions, be cool and reasonable. Not today, so tomorrow your child's hysterical period will pass. And then new interesting features of the manifestation of character will begin, and so on throughout life. Brace yourself! Strength and intelligence will come in handy more than once. Most importantly, love your children! And remember: your baby is the best!

How to wean a child from tantrums? - Doctor Komarovsky - video

7 RULES: HOW TO DEAL WITH CHILDREN'S HYSTERY

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