How do i know if my child needs a psychologist

6 Signs Your Child Needs Counseling

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08/10/2020

Changes in your child’s personality can leave you wondering, “does my child need therapy?” Sometimes these changes become prominent as a result of a traumatic experience, while other times they can emerge out of the blue. Regardless of the reason, these changes are important to pay attention to as they can help you determine if and when to seek counseling for your child. Read on to learn about six signs that may indicate that your child could benefit from counseling.

#1 Defiant behaviors

One of the most common signs that your child may need counseling is if they are having behavior problems both inside and outside of the home. You may find your child more inclined to argue, complain, and become defensive, even over the smallest request or conversation. Pay attention to these responses, especially if they occur more frequently than usual. Oftentimes, this is your child asking for help without them even knowing it.

When it comes to school and other activities outside of the home, stay connected to the teachers and other parents that interact with your child on a day to day basis. Consider letting them know you are concerned and to let you know if they see any abnormally defiant behaviors in your child.

#2 Sudden shift in usual interests and habits

Similar to the shift in behavior, changes in your child’s day to day interests and habits can signal that your child may need counseling as well. Most commonly, significant changes in eating, sleeping, and personal interests are easiest to spot and typically the most suggestive. If these changes last longer than two weeks, consider scheduling a check-up with your child’s doctor. In fact, they may be able to point you in the right direction if they believe emotional stressors are the cause.

#3 Excessive worrying and sadness

Perhaps the most direct and evident of this list, excessive worrying and sadness are sure-tell signs that your child may need help beyond your reach. While worrying and sadness can be normal, especially during life transitions and changes, when these emotions become excessive and begin to consume your child and their thoughts, that is when you should take a closer look.

#4 Regressions

Regressions are common when a new sibling is born, when divorce occurs, or any other major life changes take place in the home. However, when regressions happen for seemingly no reason, consider taking a closer look. Here are a few of the most common regressions that signal that your child may need counseling:

Bedwetting (when already night trained)
Frequent temper tantrums
Separation anxiety and clinginess
Excessive anxiety and fearfulness
Language regression (using “baby talk”)

#5 Social isolation

If you notice your child withdrawing socially, this is also a sign to take a closer look at what is going on emotionally. Oftentimes, when children are sad or anxious, they will withdraw from social situations and turn inwards. When this begins to happen on a regular basis, and starts to take away from their interpersonal relationships, that is when it comes time to consider that it may be more than just a sad day. This is especially true if shyness and introverted tendencies are not common personality traits for your child.
Not sure what social isolation may look like as a child? Here are a few ways that children socially isolate when they are upset:

Eating lunch alone
Avoiding playdates and other social activities
A lack of desire to leave the house for any reason

#6 Talking about self harm

Lastly, and most urgently, if your child expresses any feelings or ideas of self harm, it is important that you seek help for them right away. Sometimes this can present itself subtly with hints of hopelessness and feeling alone. However, other times it is much more direct and can be acknowledged through the presence of suicidal thoughts and cutting.

While suicidal thoughts and cutting may seem excessive for younger children, it is important to note that feelings of self-harm can be expressed in a number of different ways. Hitting oneself, banging one’s head against something and digging nails into skin are all signs of self harm in young children. If you are noticing any self harm behaviors, take note of them and get help for your child right away.

Get Your Child The Help They Deserve

Getting help for your child should not be an emotionally draining and tedious task, and luckily it’s not! Children’s Bureau offers an extensive range of counseling programs and services for your child up until the age of twenty-one years old. With a large focus on vulnerable communities and those who typically may not be able to receive the right support that they need, Children’s Bureau goes far beyond by offering various mental health services specifically targeted to each child individually.

The sooner you pinpoint the signs your child needs counseling, the quicker you can get them the help that they need. With the signs listed above, you can be sure that you will know what to look out for when it comes to your child’s mental health and emotional well being.

Check out our blog on online therapy for kids today.

Reviewed by:

Susan J. Wood, Director of Mental Health

Susan J. Wood, LMFT is the Director of Mental Health at Children’s Bureau and has over 20 years of experience working with children in a community mental health setting. She joined Children’s Bureau in 2015 as a Program Manager in the Antelope Valley and became the program director in June 2018 where she was instrumental in opening and expanding mental health services to the Santa Clarita Valley and Long Beach.

Sources:

https://www.boystownpediatrics.org/knowledge-center/self-harm-behavior-children-adolescents
https://www.guelphmercury.com/living-story/2729649-children-of-all-ages-experience-regression-as-they-grow-up/
https://www.unitypoint.org/livewell/article.aspx?id=6984368d-4325-4a59-bda4-58b95909b740

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Signs That Your Child May Need a Therapist – Cleveland Clinic

All kids have emotional ups and downs: Periods of moodiness, trouble with friends, dips in academic performance. But during the coronavirus pandemic, feelings of quarantine isolation, not to mention the ever-changing remote-versus-in-person learning may have your child struggling with tough emotions even more.

How do you know if your child is struggling with something more serious? And when should you seek professional help?

Pediatric psychologist Kristen Eastman, PsyD weighs in on when it might be time for your child to see a therapist.

Some struggles are normal

Dr. Eastman says as kids develop, some struggles are to be expected.

“Some moodiness, anxiety, social and school difficulties are expected as kids grow up,” says Eastman. “I call them bumps in the road.” She says it’s important to remember that these bumps are usually temporary and can present opportunities for your child to build new skills to add to their toolbox.

“The pandemic is one such bump in the road – albeit a huge one – but it can and will be overcome,” Dr. Eastman says.

Teachable moments: Building resiliency during the pandemic

Dr. Eastman says while the pandemic has definitely presented challenges for many children and families, how we respond to these challenges is more important than the problem itself.

She says now is a time for parents to listen and validate their child’s experience. “In most cases, if you offer support, sensitivity and patience, your child can figure it out.”

Dr. Eastman says validation is key whether it’s during a pandemic or not. “You’ll be surprised how far validating your child‘s experience can go in helping them feel heard,” she says. “Then they’re more receptive to talking about how to get through it.”

But during the pandemic, the unpredictability can be a lot for some families.

“The impact of frequent changes like going from quarantine-to-remote learning, then in-person learning, and back and forth between them all produces unpredictable variables outside of our control, which is hard for many families. ” She says the limitations involved with social distancing can be tough on kids, too.

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“Many children feel quite isolated, and it requires extra effort and creativity to stay connected,” she says. “Many kids experience anxiety during these times and, in some cases, depression as a result of all of this.”

Dr. Eastman says things can be particularly difficult for those children experiencing significant transitions during this time, such as starting school for the first time or graduating school without the proper adjustment or closure for these milestones.

It’s natural for parents to want to quickly jump in and try to problem-solve, but children just need to know they’re heard and understood. She suggests using validating phrases like, “I see this is really hard for you,” or “I notice you’ve been struggling lately.”

But Dr. Eastman warns to be mindful of how you approach your kids during this time too. “Sometimes the parent’s own anxiety about COVID-19 may heighten their child’s anxiety. ”

The positive side

Despite the negatives about the pandemic, Dr. Eastman likes to focus on some positives. She says there have been unexpected opportunities for growth and creativity during this time.

“Kids who were too shy to make phone calls before are now skilled at Zoom calls and FaceTime. This was hard at first but through practice and continued exposure, new skills have been built that will last a lifetime,” she offers.

Another positive that’s come from this time period she notes is families have been forced to slow down their busy lives. “The pandemic has allowed families to reinvent their time together, often resulting in increased quality time, newfound hobbies and a genuine appreciation for a simpler life,” she says.

Dr. Eastman also notes the newfound creativity that’s come from this period as a positive.

“Kids and families have had to be creative to stay busy and stay connected,” she says. “Things like Zoom yoga, virtual family game nights and virtual play dates require thinking outside the box to stay engaged to the people and activities that matter,” she says. “These experiences are building resiliency that will serve your child well when faced with other challenges down the road.”

When to seek help

Sometimes, what seems like a normal childhood difficulty can sometimes turn into something more serious. And with the coronavirus thwarting many normal activities of school and extracurricular activities, adjustment difficulties may be more common for kids.

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Dr. Eastman says you should be concerned if your child:

Has problems in multiple areas of life, such as family relationships, academic performance, leisure activities and friendships.
Makes comments like “I wish I weren’t here,” or “Nobody would care if I ran away.”
Has repetitive, self-destructive behaviors such as hair-pulling or skin-picking.
Starts feeling bad about themselves, less confident or less effective.
Withdraws from family, friends or activities they used to enjoy.
Has a significant change in sleep habits or appetite.
Shows excessive worry about the future.
Engages in negative behavior more frequently.
Talks about or engages in any kind of self-harm.
Talks explicitly about suicide.
Expresses hopelessness.

Dr. Eastman also recommends that parents trust their gut. “You know your child best. If something just doesn’t feel right, trust that instinct. It’s better to go and get something checked out if you’re not sure.”

How to reach out

Don’t be afraid to broach the topic with your child, says Dr. Eastman.

“Often if you just say to your child, ‘Does this feel like something we need to get some help with?’ they’ll say, ‘Yeah, it does,’ ” she notes.

Parents are often surprised by how willing their children are to get extra help. That help is as close as your pediatrician, or virtual support can be a readily available option right now making access even easier for families.

“Pediatricians are often very good at helping parents differentiate what is and isn’t normal, and can offer reassurance,” Dr. Eastman says. If necessary, your pediatrician can refer you to a counselor who is a good match for your child and recommend other resources.

Parents sometimes assume that mental health treatment will mean medication or hospitalization for their child. “But even when problems aren’t severe, some extra support can help your child and even you as a parent learn new coping skills and different strategies for handling problems,” Dr. Eastman says. “We need to de-stigmatize the idea of mental health treatment.”

Whether your child needs help navigating normal developmental challenges or is dealing with something more serious, seeking help can make life easier and happier for all of you.

How to understand that a child needs to be taken to a psychologist: cases when a child needs help

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IRINA MIRONOVA,

teacher-psychologist with seven years of experience. Specializes in developmental psychology.

How to understand that a child needs a psychologist

Lack of interest

Children are usually characterized by curiosity and a desire to discover the world around them. If the child does not have a hobby, he does not know what to do with himself, he is not fascinated by any school subject, it is worth consulting with a psychologist. Probably, once his hobby was ridiculed. Or maybe the interests of his parents are imposing on him, and he is afraid to protest.

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Aggressive behavior

If a child regularly acts as an aggressor, most likely, he needs the help of a psychologist. At a very young age - about three years old - tantrums and anger can be a kind of "research": what is possible and what is not, how parents will react. But if the child continues to show excessive aggression at an older age, offends animals or peers, a psychologist will help to deal with the reasons.

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Inability to correctly comprehend negative emotions

Often expressed in tantrums, scandals, fights with parents or other children, or vice versa - isolation in oneself, unwillingness to talk. When a child is angry, frustrated, resentful, it must be acknowledged and expressed in environmentally friendly ways: “I understand how you feel now ... You feel this and that, because ... Let's do this and that now” . The psychologist will teach the child to understand their emotions and cope with them.

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Increased anxiety and fears

A child who is afraid to join a football game in the yard, read a poem in front of relatives during a family holiday or go to camp should not be teased as a “coward” and shamed for experiences. Perhaps the reason lies in the psychological trauma that needs to be worked out with a specialist. Trauma in psychology refers to severe emotional stress and a reaction to a specific event that harmed the child's mental health. He probably faced violence or bullying in similar circumstances in the past.

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Problems in communicating with peers

Sometimes children are embarrassed to integrate into society, do not know how to make friends, do not communicate with anyone and always stay away. If the child is a white crow, then a conversation with a psychologist will help him.

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Low learning motivation

Problems with learning are a frequent request from a child psychologist. Sometimes the problem is not so much in specific gaps in subjects, but in a conflict with a teacher or classmates. The specialist will help to find out what is the real reason and how to fix the situation. Sometimes it helps to change the form of training.

Sudden mood swings

Emotional fluctuations indicate that the child is in a tense and confused state. Children often react this way to difficult changes in their lives, such as the divorce of their parents or moving to another city. A psychologist can help you cope with unstable moods.

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Frequent illnesses

If children are regularly ill, most likely something is wrong with their emotional state. External psychological factors - scandals in the family, humiliation from a teacher at school, bullying of peers, indifference of parents - affect the physical well-being of the child. All psychologists work with this, but you can turn to someone who specializes specifically in psychosomatics.

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How to explain to a child a visit to a psychologist

Parents often worry about how to offer their son or daughter a meeting with a specialist. The child may be afraid that he is "not like everyone else" and refuse to go. This is due to the stigma on psychotherapy: not only children, but also adults are sure that a session with a psychologist is needed only for those who are “going nuts”.

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In fact, this is not the case. You can explain to a teenager that a psychologist is, in a sense, also a doctor, only he treats not physical, but mental health. Normal practice is to go to a psychologist, even if "nothing hurts."

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Classes with a child psychologist are aimed at developing the child's emotional intelligence and self-esteem. The meeting will be useful even if the parents do not have a specific troubling request.

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Now psychotherapy is becoming more and more popular, especially among teenagers. Perhaps the teenager himself is aware of the need to meet with a specialist, but is embarrassed to ask his parents about it.

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But if the child is not yet old enough, use another tactic: do not talk about going to a psychologist directly. You should not present a psychologist as a serious specialist who will “help you” and “solve your problems” - in this case, the child will become stubborn.
When a child needs a psychologist, present it as a game. Emphasize that the child will be interested, and he will have a great time.

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Important: be prepared that at the first meeting the presence of the child is not required at all. Often you need to work with the "inner child" of the parent, and not with the real child.

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If the specialist thinks that it is necessary to work directly with children, there are two options. A child of primary school or preschool age → parents will be able to attend the session (but everything is individual - discuss in advance with a psychologist). The child is in middle school or high school → only he and the specialist will be in the session. So the child will be able to open up more easily and entrust some secrets that he would not share with his parents.

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Meetings with a psychologist are completely confidential. The specialist does not have the right to give parents the details of meetings with the child - this is a violation of the ethical code. But there are exceptions: when it comes to life and death. For example, a psychologist is obliged to inform parents and law enforcement agencies if a crime has been committed against a child.

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How parents should behave with a psychologist

Here are some tips.

Pay attention to the behavior of the psychologist

If you bring a young child to a specialist, then the adult should sit down so that he is at his level. For example, squatting. Attitude and ability to make contact is read through the details.

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Ask the child's opinion

If the child refuses to see a psychologist after a few sessions, try to gently find out what exactly he does not like. Make the child's desire a priority and try to change the specialist. It is not recommended to insist on classes if you have any doubts that the psychologist managed to find contact with the child.

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Talk to a psychologist

Ask any questions about classes with a child - how is it going, what is the difficulty, is there any progress. A good specialist is interested in helping, and if he calls your questions stupid, then he is not qualified enough.

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Be honest

If the psychologist works with you as well, tell the truth, don't try to be a "better" parent than you are. Absolutely everyone at least once in their lives yelled at a child, spanked and behaved incorrectly. The specialist will not condemn and point fingers, but he needs to understand the situation.

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It may seem that the child is just messing around, making scandals from scratch, or is afraid of everything. But sometimes there are serious reasons behind this - perhaps the child needs specialist advice. We tell you what to do.

How to understand that your child needs a psychologist

Parents often fall into one of two extremes: they run to a child psychologist at the slightest problem, or, conversely, do not pay attention to obvious symptoms of a child’s psychological distress. We spoke with a child clinical psychologist and a transactional analysis consultant to understand where the danger lies and when it is time to contact a specialist.

Anxiety symptoms

There are a great many stressful situations and moments of crisis in the life of every child, and the external manifestations are the same.

1. Psychosomatics. If a child has a fever every day in the morning, he complains of nausea and pain in the abdomen, often gets sick - this is a sure sign of psychological discomfort. Psychologist Vadim Petrovsky calls such a symptom a withdrawal into a disease.

2. Sudden permanent change in behavior. The child was active, but became passive and withdrawn, sitting all day, buried in the phone. Previously, there was a wide circle of communication, but only one friend or no one remained, he withdrew into himself, became taciturn - these are serious signals.

3. Sudden mood swings, outbursts of aggression, manifestation of anger. Any inappropriate behavior is an indicator of psychological distress. It is not at all necessary that the child is hiding something from you: it is likely that he himself is not aware of what is happening.

4. Deterioration in academic performance, a sharp reluctance to go to school. This can manifest as fear of the teacher, fear of ridicule, discomfort from answers at the blackboard, or even fear of parents who scold for bad grades.

PROFI.RU psychologist Oksana Eremina : “It’s worth worrying if a child has persistent problems with academic performance in one subject for more than two months. Parents often solve the problem with the help of tutors and do not turn to a psychologist. I believe that the approach should be comprehensive and the support of a psychologist is necessary: a student can be trained in a subject, but he will still be in constant stress. The specialist will conduct tests to assess the level of school anxiety and understand what the child is afraid of.”

Risk factors

In order to notice anxiety symptoms as early as possible, psychologists advise paying attention to risk factors: the difference between the child and peers, traumatic events and age-related crises.

1. Difference from peers

Schoolchildren who stand out from the crowd often need a psychologist. These may be children with speech defects or physical disabilities, with behavioral characteristics. If a child has strange desires, for example, he wants to play only with plastic toys and does not pick up wooden ones, refuses food of a certain color and shape, this is a reason to contact a specialist.

PROFI.RU psychologist Alexey Kravchenko : “If a child has difficulties with memory, attention, thinking, speech, has dysgraphia or dyslexia — that is, problems of a cognitive nature, he must be shown to a neuropsychologist. The specialist will diagnose, compare the test results with age standards, identify the cause of the difficulties and offer a correction program. To understand whether such a consultation is needed, I advise you to read theoretical books on child psychology and purchase special manuals with home tests. There are many such publications, for example, books and notebooks of the series "Robins", "School of 7 Gnomes", "School for Preschoolers". If parents have no time to improve their psychological literacy, you can compare the behavior of your child with the behavior of other children of approximately the same age and gender. Be on your guard if any features of the child's cognitive sphere or behavior stand out abnormally.

Distinctions from peers both in minus and plus are a wake-up call. Parents are often proud of the outstanding abilities of their children: let the child be a little reserved, but he has a phenomenal memory. Unfortunately, such a deviation from the norm also indicates possible problems.

Oksana Eremina : “Parents should pay special attention to gifted children. Smart students are often not accepted in the classroom, they may have worse developed social skills, there are difficulties with adaptation and communication.”

2. Traumatic events

Traumatic events, such as the death of a loved one or a parent's divorce, usually require professional help - at least a one-time consultation. Moving, moving to another school is no less traumatic for a child.

One of the most common injuries in school life is bullying. It is clear that the victim of bullying and the aggressor should be taken to a psychologist, but parents often forget about unwitting witnesses to the humiliation of a classmate. If the child was just nearby, saw bullying, but could not say anything, this is also stress.

In adolescence, love dramas are added to the usual school problems: parting, unhappy love, betrayal. Situations are especially traumatic when, after parting, schoolchildren continue to see each other in class. Painful relationships should also cause anxiety among parents: when the children are still dating, but one of the teenagers is depressed, often cries.

3. Age crises

PROFI.RU psychologist Oksana Eremina : “Several age crises stand out in psychology. The first is a crisis of 3 years, when the child begins to show independence (“I myself”). But here the psychologist is more likely to work with parents. The next difficult moment is going to school, when creative and playful activity is replaced by school rigor. This is followed by the transition from junior to high school, when instead of one teacher with whom relationships are built, several appear - each with its own requirements. Adolescence (from 11-12 to 14-15 years old) can be seen as a period of crisis entirely, but the peak is at 13-14 years old, when children devalue their parents and show pseudo-adulthood through smoking, using obscene language, and so on.

Changes in the social environment often coincide with age-related crises: entering school, moving to high school, when students from the parallel are “shuffled” depending on the profile. In some situations, the help of a psychologist is needed in determining the child's readiness for school. In general, the task of parents comes down to monitoring how successfully the child adapts to changes.

PROFI.RU psychologist Aleksey Kravchenko : “Normally, the emotions of both children and adults should be within certain limits: it is normal to experience sadness if it does not turn into depression. It is wonderful when a person experiences joy without turning into mania. Parents should be attentive to the emotional manifestations of the child and periodically ask themselves whether this or that experience is excessively expressed in him, whether it corresponds to what it should be. You should focus on your life experience, observations of other children. Be sure to contact a specialist if you have any doubts.