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How do i get my child to poop in the potty


Tricks To Get Your Toddler to Poop on the Potty – Cleveland Clinic

For a parent of a toddler, the graduation from diapers to underwear is a milestone to be celebrated. Seriously. It can feel like it’s up there with their actual graduation.   

So, when your toddler refuses to poop on the potty, it can feel as if the wheels of their development have ground to a halt.   

Taking some time to master pooping on the potty can be completely normal, though, says pediatric gastroenterologist Deborah Goldman, MD.   

“Stool withholding, in which a child avoids having bowel movements, is a fairly common issue that we encounter,” she says. “Kids eventually get toilet trained, but it’s important for parents to address this problem right away because it can lead to other issues down the line.”  

Fortunately, Dr. Goldman is here to share some tricks you can turn to when your child is holding in their poop.  

Why does my kid refuse to poop?  

Stool withholding behavior is more common in boys, but any child may start withholding poop at any time during the potty training process, Dr. Goldman says.  

“The most common reason is that they passed a very hard or large stool that was painful for the child,” she says. Reasons for their discomfort come from things like a change in diet, constipation or something else.

“One painful bowel movement may be all it takes to cause children to associate pain with passing stool, so they start withholding it instead,” Dr. Goldman explains.  

Other reasons children might withhold stool include:  

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  • They aren’t emotionally or physically ready to start using the toilet yet.   
  • They find the experience intimidating — the size, sounds and location of a toilet can sometimes be overwhelming for a toddler.   
  • They’re using stool withholding as a “power play” for more attention.   
  • Certain medical conditions (though only in very rare cases).  

The stool-refusing stage  

Stool withholding that lingers can start a domino-style reaction that can seriously derail potty training and make your child (and you) pretty miserable, so it’s best to nip stool withholding in the bud.   

When your child doesn’t poop for a while, their stool collects in their colon and hardens. With this backup, if your child is taking a stool softer, then liquid stool can leak around it and stain their underwear. That can leave your child feeling defeated and can fuel your own frustrations.  

According to Dr. Goldman, kids who are withholding their stool can also have bedwetting issues, urine leakage or even urinary tract infections if the problem continues for long enough.  

So, let’s get to the bottom (pun intended) of getting your kid pooping on the potty.  

Potty training 101  

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends a “child-oriented” method of potty training. It states:  

  1. Begin when the child shows signs of readiness (generally after 18 months of age). Signs of readiness can include asking to use the potty, showing interest in wearing “big kid” underwear or telling you when their diaper needs changed.  
  2. Praise success using positive terms.  
  3. Avoid punishment, shaming or force. 
  4. Make training positive, non-threatening and natural.  

“You can’t force a toddler to use the toilet just because you want to start potty training,” Dr. Goldman says. “Make sure they’re ready before you begin potty training. If you start too early, they may develop a fear of the potty.”  

Now that you know when to start, what else can you do to get your little one pooping like a pro?  

Set your bathroom up for success  

Making your child comfortable in the bathroom is important for potty-training success and encouraging the all-important poop. You’ll want to make sure:  

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  • Your child’s feet are at the appropriate height for the toilet.  
  • There’s a step stool in every bathroom.  
  • Your toilet seats are secure.  
  • You encourage your toddler to sit on the toilet right after meal times and at bedtime. 

Talk it out  

If your child is holding their poop because they’re anxious about using the toilet, talk about what they’re worried about, and address those concerns with them. You know your child isn’t about to fall into the toilet or that a snake isn’t going to come out of the pipe and bite their little bum, but those may seem like realistic scenarios to a toddler.   

Don’t dismiss their concerns, however silly they may seem. Empathize, let them know you hear them and make it clear that you’ll make sure they’re safe when they’re on the potty.  

Incentivize and celebrate   

Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool. Use it! When your child successfully uses the potty — for No. 1 or No. 2 — follow up with celebrations and rewards. Cheer together as your little one flushes the toilet. Use a sticker chart to show off their successes. Encourage them to tell other family members about their accomplishments to build some pride in their hard work. 

Some good old-fashioned bribery can work, too. After a set number of successful potties, maybe they earn a trip to the park or a special treat from the store. Whatever it is that motivates your child, use it to encourage their success.   

Consider supplements  

If you suspect your child is having painful poops, it may help to make changes to their diet or use fiber supplements or stool softeners. Dr. Goldman emphasizes that you should check with your doctor for specific advice before giving your child such supplements or over-the-counter stool softening medications.  

When to talk with your doctor  

Dr. Goldman says it’s time to see your doctor if:   

  • Your child is still having trouble pooping on the potty after two or three months.  
  • Your child is vomiting, has abdominal distension (swollen belly) or other worrisome symptoms. 
  • You notice changes in their eating habits.   
  • You notice abnormal changes in their weight.  

When your child won’t poop in the potty, it can feel like you’ll be lugging around that diaper bag forever. Take heart that, just as they’ve learned to talk and walk, they’ll soon enough learn to toilet, too. (Cue the happy tears!) ​​​ 

Toddler afraid to poop? How to handle potty training poo anxiety

Photo: iStockphoto

Peeing in the toilet is no problem for your four-year old, but he’s suddenly developed an aversion to pooping there. He’s reluctant to even sit on the toilet and hasn’t had a movement for two or three days. When you ask him why he doesn’t want to go, he says it hurts.

It’s quite common for preschoolers to withhold bowel movements, says Fabian Gorodzinsky, a community paediatrician and an associate professor at the University of Western Ontario in London, Ont. Often, the problem quickly becomes a vicious circle: Your little guy probably got constipated and had an uncomfortable bowel movement. But now, not keen to repeat that experience, he fights the urge to move his bowels — which worsens his constipation. If you do manage to coax him back onto the toilet, another painful episode reinforces his fear (see Encopresis). Here’s help:

Does your toddler have potty training poop anxiety because he's not quite ready?

Gorodzinsky says withholding often happens after an attempt at toilet training when children just aren’t ready, emotionally or physically. Even at this age? Yes. According to the Canadian Paediatric Society, the age of readiness for toilet learning is anywhere between 18 months and four years. So it may be that simply backing off a bit and giving your child a few more weeks or months with diapers or using the potty will relieve the problem.

If a child who’s resistant to having BMs on the toilet asks for a diaper, give it to her, Gorodzinsky advises. Quite often children who have had a bad experience need to take another run at toilet training. Let her sit on the potty with her diaper on. Then, as she gets used to this, try removing the diaper and having her go on the potty. Once she is comfortable on the potty, try moving next to the toilet and take the same gradual approach.

The most important thing, says Gorodzinsky, is not to take a punitive approach. “And never shame your child about bowel accidents.”

Is your toddler afraid to poop because he's just not ready?

Often kids are reluctant to use the toilet because they aren’t big enough to sit comfortably and bear down effectively; they’re too busy holding themselves up to be able to move their bowels, or their feet are dangling in mid-air. “You have to retrofit your toilet for your child,” says Gorodzinsky. A toilet seat insert and footstool will help a child feel more secure and give him the ability to bear down.

Could your toddler be holding in poop because he doesn't eat enough fibre?

A diet low in fibre or containing way too much milk or formula can contribute to constipation, says Gorodzinsky.

Encourage your child to eat lots of fruits, vegetables and whole grains; Gorodzinsky suggests adding a little bran to breakfast cereal. And make sure she’s drinking enough fluids too. “Fibre with inadequate liquid will worsen the problem.” Preschoolers should consume about two cups (500 mL) of milk a day.

Is it a medical problem?

Rarely, says Gorodzinsky. If constipation is a persistent problem, see your child’s doctor rather than resorting to mineral oil or laxatives. The doctor can prescribe an appropriate medication. You should also see the doctor if problems with bowel movements persist beyond three months; your child is four years old and still not toilet trained; or if you see blood in the stool.

Finally, figuring out what could help your nervous pooper relax might do the trick. It might be a warm bath to get the bowels moving or even a little levity. One mom we know says, “We turn on the tap and encourage her to make what she calls poo-poo faces, which are what she does when she’s bearing down. It seems to help to have a little fun with the situation.”

Chronic constipation (Encopresis)

When preschoolers poop in their pants, it’s usually a result of chronic constipation, says Fabian Gorodzinsky, a community paediatrician in London, Ont. A buildup of hard dry stool distends the bowel, which causes the nerves to lose sensation. The child actually stops feeling the urge to go and, when he does poop in his pants, he may not notice. “Kids quickly lose the ability to smell their own feces,” Gorodzinsky explains. “Of course, other people do smell it and this causes a difficult social situation, but it’s important that parents not take a punitive approach.” Fixing the problem most often involves relieving the constipation, so talk to your child’s doctor.

This article was originally published in 2009.

This article was originally published on May 01, 2018

The child does not want to poop on the potty and speaks badly

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Child's age: 2 years 2 months

Tags: 1-3 years behavior

The child does not want to poop on the potty and does not speak well

Hello!

My son is potty trained, we walk and sleep in shorts. He wakes up at night himself and asks to pee, but he flatly refuses to poop on the potty or in the toilet. He only pooped in a diaper, when he wanted to poop he went to the closet where they climbed, asked to dress and did everything there. A week ago, I said "that's it", they don't make diapers for such big boys anymore, let's poop on the potty and, lo and behold, he did sit down and poop. I already thought everything had grown up, but it turned out to be a one-time action and the very next day everything was as before, except that I never returned the diapers. Now he just walks around and complains that he is "bo-bo", when I say that let's go, poop, don't be afraid, I'm with you, refuses and poops with grief in half in shorts. My brain is already boiling, from constant thoughts, what's the matter: how can it be that a child calmly asks to pee on the toilet, but not to poop in any?

And one more problem: the son speaks very little. From the age of 10 months we go to “razvivashki”, we constantly read at home when we walk, show him everything on the street, call objects with words, but the child says “beep”, just like he said. I tried to count, I think he says about 30 words (this includes the sounds of some animals). And it seems to me that he does not specifically say. Or it seems to me. For example, we work with him on cards, a wild boar is drawn there, I say: "who is this", he: "av-av", I "no, this is a boar. Repeat the ka-ban." And he sits and is silent. And so he understands everything, but he does not seem to want to talk. Or, for example, we read a book, he points the pictures with his finger, and I call. If I ask him "what is it?" he basically answers: "dl" (this is how he calls all objects whose name he cannot pronounce)

Tell me, please, how to behave and how to properly direct the development of the child?

Thank you.

Daria

Hello, Daria!

Answering your first question. To begin with, it is important to understand that potty training is considered normal until the age of three, therefore, purely physiologically and psychologically, the child still has time to master this norm of behavior. Therefore, try to relax: the main rule for accustoming a child to the potty is calmness, encouraging success and ignoring failure. In no case should you force a child to sit on the potty, you should not shame him, create negative associations.

It is necessary to understand what prevents the child and eliminate this cause. Among the reasons may be the following: while standing, it is easier for the child to carry out the act of defecation. It is possible that polyps in the intestines or other physiological problems interfere with the child - this must be dealt with with the help of a pediatrician.

In addition to physiology, it is worth paying attention to psychological aspects, namely age. The child actively explores the world, it is quite possible that through such behavior the child simply recognizes his body and wants to understand how and why defecation occurs. It is worth allowing the child to explore his body and over time, interest will pass, which means it will be easier to teach him to the potty.

Also, the child may have unpleasant associations, perhaps you reacted emotionally during potty training and now the child is feeling fear or tension. In this case, you should pay attention to your own emotional reactions - they should be even and consistent. You did the right thing, that you kept your word and refused diapers, the child must understand that the mother's word is the law. Also pay attention to how you react to the defecation process itself: perhaps you control it too much, focusing on it a lot. If this is the case, loosen control and let the child manage on his own.

It is also important to show by example: voice your actions when you go to the toilet so that the child understands how it happens in adults and that such behavior is the norm of society.

Answering your second question. Indeed, for the current age, 30 words is quite a bit. However, it is important to understand that the norm is the average and most frequent value, but in general, a deviation from the norm for some indicators is acceptable if this is not combined with other symptoms and signs of certain diseases. For example, if a child does not have a lag in physiological and mental development: he understands the instructions you give (“bring”, “get away”, “come to me”), crawled in a timely manner, stood up, etc. So, if there are no other symptoms, then an insufficient number of words in the arsenal may be an individual feature.

The child's development does not always go smoothly: sometimes the child does not stand up for a long time, then immediately walks or does not speak for a long time, and then immediately gives out sentences - this is a variant of the norm. But at the same time, I insist on the need to consult a pediatric neurologist. After all, delayed speech development is a fairly common problem that occurs after complicated childbirth, fetal hypoxia, etc. The earlier developmental delay is diagnosed, the easier and faster the treatment.

In this case, it is also important not to react emotionally to failures and the child and to encourage correct behavior. You need to talk with the child, work with cards, immerse him in the sphere of active communication. In addition, it is necessary to immediately form the correct speech, without diminutive suffixes and nicknames - so it will be easier for the child to memorize words. Correctly organize the daily routine of the child to avoid overwork. Fatigue can be physical and psychological, it is important to sensitively read how ready the child is now to perceive information.

I hope the situation will be resolved soon.

Good luck!

Olga Dorohova,
psychologist of the site "I am a parent"

How to potty train a child? Step by step instructions from a psychologist


Ekaterina Ilyicheva, child psychologist

Potty training a child is a simple process, but usually a long one. Ekaterina Ilyicheva (@ekaterina_childpsy), a child psychologist and the author of the School of Conscious Parenthood project, figured out how games and fairy tales help in this matter and why you shouldn’t buy expensive pots with lights.

At what age to start

Physiologically, pediatricians recommend starting training when the child is 18 months old. Some advise starting the process even later - from the age of two. The areas of the brain that are responsible for controlling urination and defecation are formed by this age. If an adult understands that one cannot write and eat at the same time and can endure to go to the toilet, then the kid calmly does two things together. And that's okay.

To begin with, let's figure out what the concept of "going to the potty on your own" includes. Many people understand this as a situation when a mother puts a child on a potty and makes sure that he does his business. This is not entirely correct. The child goes to the potty on his own when he feels his body, urges and goes to the toilet without outside help. This difference is important to understand because parents want to quickly move from planting to the next stage. They waste time and nerves, while the child is still physically and mentally unable to relieve himself on his own.

You can drop off a child at an earlier age, but you cannot demand independence from him in this matter. Starting from a year and a half, gently start potty training your baby.

How do you know if a child is ready to use the potty on his own?

Let us clarify once again: certain areas of the brain are responsible for urination and defecation, and until they mature, it is useless to teach a child to go to the potty on his own. To understand whether the time has come, you do not need to undergo any special studies. It is enough to analyze the skills and behavior of the baby according to the following points.

1. Understanding

The child understands what the potty is for. He knows to take off his pants before you sit on it. He can plant a toy, make the appropriate sounds "aaa", "pee-pee".

2. Physical development

The child sits and walks independently. He can sit down and get up from the potty without the help of adults.

3. No fear

The child should not be afraid of the potty, crying at the sight of it. Or, on the contrary, put a pot on your head, use it for other purposes.


Early potty training will introduce the baby to the item, but will not teach him how to walk on it on his own. Source

“If a child starts hiding behind a curtain, under a table, wants to retire to go to the toilet, this indicates that the baby is ready and you can already begin the process of potty training. If you notice that the baby's diaper is dry for 2-3 hours, then this is also a sign of readiness. Often, closer to the age of two, children develop a feeling of disgust. For example, he got dirty or wet his clothes and asks to change. If these signs are present, then you can go to the store and buy a pot,” says Ekaterina.

How to choose a potty

Ekaterina advises choosing the simplest potty that is comfortable for the child. You should not buy pots in the form of toys, with sound or light effects. Two or three times the kid goes to such a potty with pleasure, but children quickly get bored with toys. The same effect is likely to be with a heaped pot.

Preferably one pot. And it's better to put it in the toilet right away, not move it around the apartment and not turn it into a toy.

Otherwise, the child may develop abnormal behavior. For example, guests gathered, and the kid wanted more. If he is used to doing it in the room, then now he will bring the pot exactly there, and you are unlikely to persuade him to go to the toilet. Or the baby can do things in the potty, start playing with it and spill the contents on the floor. Simple rules will help to avoid unpleasant situations - "do business" only in the toilet, do not play with the potty.

First acquaintance

You can introduce your baby to the potty after a year. Here are some tips to help make potty training fun for kids and easy for adults.

  • Explain to your child what the potty is for.

Tell us what you can do with the potty, why people go to the toilet and why you shouldn't pee in your pants.

  • Thematic games.

Plant toys on the potty. Let it become a ritual. For example, you play with baby dolls. Feed the toys with your baby, and then "take" them to the toilet. Put the little ones on a potty, you can pour water and then wash it, as if the baby went there himself.

  • Read books.

Books such as "Hurry to the potty, my friend!" also help in this matter. The plot is simple and interesting for the kid: the rabbit and his friends gathered for a picnic. The meeting went well, but now the bunny needs pee. What to do? Of course, look for a pot. Heroes will become an example for the kid. He will understand that going to the potty is a natural process, and he will probably want to do the same.


Opening of the book “Hurry to the potty, my friend!”. Inside there is a mirror for game


Go potty, my friend!

If, after getting acquainted with the potty, the baby does not want to sit on it himself, do not force it. Just let go of the situation for two or three weeks, and then again offer to "do things" in the pot.

First victories

It is unlikely that a child will immediately start going to the potty regularly. Most likely, the baby will urinate in panties and only do it the right way a few times. Praise your child for every successful attempt. Emotional, loud and fun. It's great to win victories - the baby will want to experience this feeling more often, which means he will go to the potty more often.


Rejoice in victories with your child. Source

In no case do not scold him for mistakes and puddles, because this may affect his health. The child will make the connection “I pee / what - they scold me, so writing / pooping is bad.” Sometimes “psychological constipation” happens precisely for this reason. Just ignore when he gets his pants dirty (that is, change your baby's clothes without focusing on misses).

At this stage, you can already remove the diaper for the day, but leave it for the night. If for two or three weeks the child walks “dry” during the day, then you can start and sleep without a diaper (lay an oilcloth on the mattress). Let this not happen right away, but over time, the baby will stop writing during sleep. Ideally, it is also better to leave the potty in the toilet at night and, if necessary, take the child there.

If a child flatly refuses to go to the potty, then you can approach the process creatively.

“I did this with my daughter,” says Ekaterina. - To form this skill, we hung a motivational board in the toilet for a couple of weeks. This is a simple calendar on which we stick a large sticker for every trip to the potty. Five stickers - and the child is in for a surprise. Not material (this is important), but emotional reward - going to the park, circus, for a walk.

As a rule, it is easier to teach a child to go to the pot in a small way than in a big way. If your baby is having trouble defecating into the potty, try to inspire your child with games and books.

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