4 year old lies
13.7: Cosmos And Culture : NPR
Is Your 4-Year-Old A Liar? Here's The Bright Side : 13.7: Cosmos And Culture You may not cheer when you first find yourself the target of your child's lie. But the emergence of deception in childhood may actually signal a pretty important development, says Tania Lombrozo.
Opinion
Culture
Tania Lombrozo
Piermichele Malucchi/iStockphoto
Piermichele Malucchi/iStockphoto
Most parents bewail the inevitable occurrence of lying in their kids, but the emergence of deception in childhood may actually signal the development of something pretty wonderful: an ability to understand other people's beliefs as distinct from one's own.
This ability is part of what psychologists call "theory of mind," and a new paper finds that improving children's theory of mind abilities can turn honest 3-year-olds into strategic liars. That might not sound like a positive outcome, but it tells us something important about how theory of mind affects social behavior.
Before getting into the details, consider what a typical 3-year-old child does — and doesn't — already understand about other people's minds. By 18 months, children typically know that other people can have preferences that depart from their own. For example, in a study by Betty Repacholi and Alison Gopnik, young children saw an adult express a preference for broccoli over goldfish crackers. When the adult then asked for some of the food, 18-month-olds — but not 14-month-olds — handed over the broccoli, even though the child's own preference was presumably for the crackers. You can see a short demonstration of the experimental procedure here:
YouTube
It isn't until age 4 or 5, though, that most children can pass the "false belief task," which is taken to reflect an understanding that other people's beliefs can depart from their own. In a classic version of this task, developed by Heinz Winner and Josef Perner, most 3-year-old children fail to appreciate that a character will expect an object to be where she last saw it, not where the child knows it to actually be. You can see a variant on a false belief task here:
YouTube
Understanding that other people's beliefs can depart from one's own is a prerequisite for a host of sophisticated judgments and behaviors — not only moral judgments, as demonstrated at the end of the video above, but also for deception.
Consider the task illustrated below, in which a child must deceive "Mean Monkey" to get the stickers he actually wants (watch minutes 7:12 to 10:04):
YouTube
The strategic element here is transparent to adults: The child need only lie to Mean Monkey about the sticker he really wants, and Mean Monkey will choose the wrong sticker, leaving the child his first choice. Yet time after time, younger children fail to lie. This doesn't stem from an overwhelming desire to be good, but — at least in part — from a failure to appreciate that another's beliefs can diverge from reality and from one's own.
At least, that's what researchers had assumed. But it's hard to demonstrate a causal link between theory of mind and a behavior like telling lies — both emerge spontaneously in development and both are influenced by a variety of factors.
Finding that one ability typically precedes the other, or that the abilities are correlated across children, is suggestive but ultimately falls short of demonstrating a causal connection.
That's where new research by Xiao Pan Ding and colleagues comes in. In a new paper published in the journal Psychological Science, the researchers report a study in which 3-year-old children were randomly assigned to one of two groups: a theory-of-mind training condition or a control group. In the theory-of-mind training condition, children participated in six sessions involving different theory of mind tasks, including versions of the false belief task described above. In the control group, children also participated in six sessions of training on developmentally appropriate tasks, but they weren't related to theory of mind.
By the end of the training, the children who received theory-of-mind training significantly outperformed their peers in the control condition on tasks that assessed theory of mind, like the false belief task above.
They were also significantly more likely to lie.
To assess children's ability and propensity to lie, the children in the experiment completed a variant on the Mean Monkey task demonstrated above. They first played a simple game with the experimenter: The experimenter hid a candy in one of two cups and the child had to guess which cup contained the candy. If the child guessed correctly, the child could keep the candy. If the child guessed incorrectly, the experimenter could keep the candy. Having learned these basic rules, the child and the experimenter switched roles: The child now hid the candy and the experimenter had to choose a cup. If the experimenter chose correctly, the experimenter could keep the candy. If the experimenter guessed incorrectly, the child could keep the candy.
The experimenter dutifully closed her eyes while the child hid the candy but before choosing a cup, she asked the child: "Where did you hide the candy?"
To get the candy for himself, the child had only to lie — to mislead the experimenter into choosing the wrong cup.
But on day one of the experiment, before undergoing any training, that's not what children did. Every 3-year-old who participated in the study instead told the experimenter the truth and the experimenter went on to select the cup with the candy, much to the child's dismay. Each child played the game with the experiments nine more times that day and, each time, the 3-year-old told the truth about where the candy was hidden, no matter that each time, the experimenter went on to select that cup. The 3-year-olds were unable or unwilling to strategically lie.
But two weeks later, after completing the theory-of-mind training or the control training, children had an opportunity to face off once again against the experimenter in the hiding game. And this time, the children who had completed the theory-of-mind training lied more than half the time. On average, they lied in about 6 of the 10 rounds of the game, whereas those in the control group lied in fewer than 2 of the 10 rounds.
The theory-of-mind training paid off — not only on theory-of-mind tasks but also in strategic deception.
Turning children into liars may not seem like a laudable achievement, but it tells us something important about the relationship between theory of mind abilities and deception. Specifically, the design of the experiment supports a claim that goes beyond correlation: that a basic theory of mind is a prerequisite to verbal deception. Moreover, the findings support the broader idea that our understanding of our own and other people's minds has a causal impact on our social (or antisocial, as the case may be) behavior.
Of course, you're not so likely to cheer when you first find yourself the target of a lie, especially from your own child. Developing the ability to deceive is one thing; understanding whether and when it's appropriate is another — and that's likely to take quite a bit more than six sessions of training to work out.
Tania Lombrozo is a psychology professor at the University of California, Berkeley.
She writes about psychology, cognitive science and philosophy, with occasional forays into parenting and veganism. You can keep up with more of what she is thinking on Twitter: @TaniaLombrozo
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Why Kids Lie and What Parents Can Do to Stop It
Call them fibs, whoppers or straight-up untruths: However you label them, kids are likely to lie somewhere along the way. While a younger child may conjure up an elaborate tale about how she couldn’t possibly have kicked a younger sibling, older kids may flat-out lie about doing their homework.
Sometimes the onset of lying is sudden and intense, reports Matthew Rouse, PhD, a clinical psychologist. “It’s a new thing where they were pretty truthful most of the time before and then suddenly they’re lying about a lot of stuff,” he says. This, of course, is concerning to parents. But if caregivers can understand why kids lie and be prepared to deal with the issue, the truth can come out.
Most parents think children lie to get something they want, avoid a consequence or get out of something they don’t want to do. These are common motivations, but there are also some less obvious reasons why kids might not tell the truth — or at least the whole truth.
To test out a new behavior
Dr. Rouse says one reason children lie is because they’ve discovered this novel idea and are trying it out, just as they do with most kinds of behaviors, to see what happens. “They’ll wonder, what happens if I lie about this situation?” he says. “What will it do for me? What does it get me out of? What does it get me?’”
To enhance self-esteem and gain approval
Children who lack confidence may tell grandiose lies to make themselves seem more impressive, special or talented to inflate their self-esteem and make themselves look good in the eyes of others. Dr. Rouse recalls treating an eighth-grader who was exaggerating wildly about 80 percent of the time: “They were kind of incredible experiences that weren’t within the bounds of plausible at all.
” For instance, the boy would say he’d gone to a party and everyone had started to chant for him when he came in the door.
To get the focus off themselves
Children with anxiety or depression might lie about their symptoms to get the spotlight off them, Dr. Rouse notes. Or they might minimize their issues, saying something like “No, no I slept fine last night” because they don’t want people worrying about them.
Speaking before they think
Carol Brady, PhD, a clinical psychologist and regular columnist for ADDitude magazine who works with a lot of kids with ADHD, says they may lie out of impulsivity. “One of the hallmarks of the impulsive type of ADHD is to talk before they think,” she says, “so a lot of times you’re going to get this lying issue.”
Sometimes kids can really believe they’ve done something and tell what sounds like a lie, Dr. Brady adds. “Sometimes they’ll really just forget. I have kids who say, ‘To tell you the truth, Dr.
Brady, I thought I did my homework. I really thought I did. I didn’t remember I had that extra work.’” When this happens, she says, they need help supplementing their memory by using techniques such as checklists, time limits and organizers.
And then there are white lies
Just to make things even trickier, in certain situations parents might actually encourage children to tell a white lie in order to spare someone’s feelings. In this case, the white lie and when to use it fall under the umbrella of social skills.
What parents can do about lyingBoth Dr. Rouse and Dr. Brady say it’s first important to think about the function of the lie. “When I’m doing an evaluation, there are questions on our intake forms where parents can check off whether the child lies,” Dr. Rouse says. “It’s something I might spend 20 minutes delving into. What kinds of lies, what are the circumstances of the lies?” He says behavioral treatments depend on the function of the lies and the severity of the problem.
“There are no hard and fast guidelines,” he says. “Different levels mean different repercussions.”
Level 1 lie
When it comes to attention-seeking lying, Dr. Rouse says that, generally speaking, it’s best to ignore it. Rather than saying harshly, “That’s a lie. I know that didn’t happen to you,” he suggests a gentle approach where parents don’t necessarily have a consequence but they’re also not trying to feed it a lot of attention.
This is especially true if the lying is coming from place of low self-esteem. “So if they’re saying, ‘I scored 10 goals today at recess in soccer and everybody put me on their shoulders and it was amazing’ and you think it’s not true, then I would say don’t ask a bunch of follow-up questions.” For these kind of low-level lies that aren’t really hurting anyone but aren’t good behavior, ignoring and redirecting to something that you know is more factual is the way to go.
Level 2 lie
If that doesn’t work, Dr. Rouse says, parents can be more transparent about it by offering a mild reprimand. “I’ve had situations where it’s an inflated kind of fantastical type of lie,” he says. “I’ll have parents label it and call it a tall tale. If the child is telling one of these stories, a parent will gently say, ‘Hey, this sounds like a tall tale, why don’t you try again and tell me what really happened?’ ” It’s about pointing out the behavior and encouraging kids to try again.
Level 3 lie
If something is more serious, like older kids lying about where they’ve been or whether they’ve done their homework, parents can think about having a consequence. Kids should be clear that there will be repercussions for this kind of lie, so it’s not coming out of the blue. Like all consequences, Dr. Rouse recommends it should be something short-lived, not overblown, which gives the child a chance to get back to practicing better behaviors. Some examples: losing her phone for an hour or having to do a chore
Also, depending on the severity, there also has to be a component of addressing what they were lying about.
If a child has said he didn’t have any homework all week and then the parent finds out he had homework every day, there needs to be some kind of consequence for the lying and he also has to sit down and do all the work. If he’s hit another child and lied about it, there’s a consequence for the lying and also for hitting. In this case, Dr. Rouse says, you would also have him write an apology letter to the other child.
Let them know the truth reduces consequences
For instance, if teens have been drinking at a party, the parent will want them to call to be picked up. But kids know there also has to be a consequence for the drinking. “There’s a hard balance to strike between having the open dialogue but also setting appropriate limits when necessary,” Dr. Rouse says.
In this situation, where lying would have been easier, when parents are doling out the consequence they can also praise the child for telling the truth and tell them it makes them more trustworthy.
They might also reduce the consequence, such as letting kids know they’re taking their phone away for a day instead of a week.
Dr. Rouse adds one caveat: Children and teens should not think consequences are negotiable. “Sometimes the kid will say, ‘But I told you the truth,’” he says. “They’ll get manipulative, saying, ‘This is just making me want to never tell the truth again.’” Parents shouldn’t give in at that point.
Use truth checks
Let’s say parents have been told by a teacher their child didn’t do her homework. Dr. Brady suggests that they give their kid a chance to tell the truth. If she doesn’t at first, the parents could say, “I’m going to walk away and give you 10 minutes and then I’m going to come back and ask you again. If you change your mind and want to give me a different answer, it’s just a truth check and you won’t get in trouble.”
This way, if a child gives an off-the-cuff answer because she’s scared of consequences or she doesn’t want to disappoint a parent, she has the chance to really think about whether she wants to lie or fess up without the consequences.
Dr. Brady notes that this technique isn’t for a child who chronically lies.
Use the preamble method
Parents can also set up kids to tell the truth by reminding them that they don’t expect perfection, Dr. Brady notes. Parents could say, “I’m going to ask you a question and maybe you’re going to tell me something I don’t really want to hear. But remember, your behavior is not who you are. I love you no matter what, and sometimes people make mistakes. So I want you to think about giving me an honest answer.” Giving kids a chance to reflect on this may lead to them telling the truth.
Give kids with ADHD more time to think
Dr. Brady says kids with ADHD, who are prone to giving impulsive answers that come out as lies, need some extra time to think things through before speaking. Impulsivity can be a problem both at home and in school, when a teacher asks if a child has finished an assignment and the child answers yes without even looking at his paper.
That’s when he needs to be taught to slow down and check his work.
Don’t ever corner your child
Putting a child on the spot can set him up to lie. If parents know the true story, Dr. Brady recommends, they should go right to the issue and discuss it. Instead of asking a child if he didn’t do his homework a parent could just say, “I know you didn’t do it. Let’s talk about why that’s not a good idea.”
Don’t label your child a liar
It’s a big mistake to call a child a liar, Dr Brady argues. The wound it creates is bigger than dealing with what he lied about in the first place. He thinks, “Mom won’t believe me.” It makes him feel bad about himself and may set up a pattern of lying.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do children lie?Children lie for several reasons, such as testing out a new behavior or gaining approval. Children who lack confidence may tell lies to make themselves seem more impressive to their peers.
Children with anxiety or depression might lie about how they’re feeling so their parents don’t worry about them. Children with ADHD may lie out of impulsivity, speaking before they think.
To deal with a lying child, you can give them a chance to tell the truth, praise them when they do, and remind them that perfection isn’t expected. Parents can give children with ADHD more time to think things through before speaking, as they tend to speak impulsively.
Video Resources for Kids
Teach your kids mental health skills with video resources from The California Healthy Minds, Thriving Kids Project.
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4-year-old Clea kidnapped in Australia - a lie he told her and took her out of the tent
The story of the abduction of little Clea Smith in Australia shocked the world and now her mother is telling how her kidnapper kidnapped her daughter.
According to her mother Eli Smith, the kidnapper allegedly lied to the 4-year-old girl that her younger sister was ill so he could snatch her from a tent at Slowholls Camping in Western Australia on 16 October.
The couple said Kelly convinced Clio that he picked her up from the scene so her parents could take care of her sick sister.
According to her mother, Clio blocked some memories of the kidnapping until her rescue 18 days later, but she remembers well "why he took her", 36-year-old Terence Darrell Kelly. "She tells us they took her away because her sister was sick," her mother told 60 Minutes yesterday, adding: "And they had to take her away from us so we could help her sister."
Million Dollar First Interview Deal
Eli Smith and her partner Jake Glinton gave an exclusive interview to Channel 9 after the network managed to close a $2 million deal after a bitter bidding war with Seven News.
According to her mother, the kidnapper unzipped the side of the stage where she and her partner slept on the night of Clio's abduction. However, the 4 year old was sleeping on the other side. “Obviously he didn’t know where he was,” Smith said. “She didn’t know which side she was on.
He must have seen us and realized that he was not on this side, and then he went to the other.
“As soon as I saw her, I immediately knew that she had changed”
Three weeks passed before detectives broke into a locked room just 7 km from the Clio family home, where they found a girl playing with some toys. And while everyone was happy that the baby was safe, but also saw her footage dancing happily the next day, her mother said she felt something had changed. Despite these touching scenes, the painful 18 days that Clio spent in captivity at the mercy of a stranger changed the little girl's life forever.
Terence Darrell Kelly, 36, pleaded guilty to kidnapping her. “It was such a beautiful moment to see her like before, but you could see – at least we – that she was different and that this would be our life now,” Ms Smith said. “As a parent, you want to make sure that the children stay as long as possible, because you don’t want to be in this big, bad world, but she lost it,” the mother added.
Clio sleeps with a light, she doesn't need locked doors
Ali Smith also said that her little daughter still wants all the lights in the house to go to sleep and has developed an aversion to locked doors after so many days of her kidnapper being locked in the room. He said that the 4-year-old girl screamed in the first days after returning home and admitted that the experience of the “nightmare” was difficult for both her and the family.
"Her feelings are mixed. "He blocked most of what happened, he tried to push it as far as possible," he said. "We still have a long way to go and she will probably face this for the rest of her life.”
During her captivity, Clea said that she was frightened and locked in a room, but she didn't say much about the kidnapper because her parents didn't put too much pressure on her. Smith also said that at one in the morning she received a call saying that Clio was found alive, and that it was one of the scariest, but also beautiful moments of her life.
“I was sleeping when the phone rang and I asked: will this be for good or for bad?” — said 24-year-old man. “I picked it up and immediately the policeman said, ‘I have someone who wants to say hello to you,’ and I said, ‘That’s impossible, my God. Then Clea picked up the phone and said, "Hi, mom," and I answered, "Hi, baby."
He cut and dyed her hair
The couple left safely and went to the hospital, where they found Clea sitting on the bed. What she immediately noticed was that someone had cut and dyed her blonde hair. “I was just angry that someone was trying to change him to suit what he wanted.
Clea's disappearance on October 16 triggered a massive land, sea and air operation before the girl finally ended up at the home of a local resident on November 3. Detectives found a conscious 4-year-old girl playing with small cars, and when asked for her name, she told them, "My name is Clio."
Her mother added that while she didn't know what the kidnapper's future intentions were for her daughter, it was clear that she was obsessed with dolls and had collected dozens.
A new detail showed that Clio's pink bicycle, parked near the tent where she and her family were staying, made the kidnapper realize that a small child was living there. “Clea had a bike up front that showed a child was living in that tent, which is all Kelly probably needed to know,” Smith said.
Source: Iefimerida.gr
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90,000 One lie against Iran every two minutes!October 12, 2022
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BBC Persian and Iran International (otherwise known as Saudi International) and other Persian news networks headquartered in Europe provoked riots throughout Iran.
In this report, we seek to find out how many lies they told and how they influenced the foreign policy of Europe and the United States against Iran based on these lies.
Lie after lie, this media outlet, which intends to overthrow the Islamic Republic, has been trying to encourage the younger generation of Iran to “revolt” against the establishment.
Little did they know that their lies would soon be exposed.
In a comprehensive study conducted by the Fars news agency, a thorough study of the social networks of these media outlets revealed an incredible fact. They lied every two minutes!
Speeches by 5 media outlets, including BBC Persian affiliated with the British government; Iran International, affiliated with the government of Saudi Arabia; Voice of America and Radio Farda (Radio Free, it claims), affiliated with the US government; Manoto, affiliated with the Bahá'í movement, combined with their social media accounts, shows a total of 17,312 lies about recent events in Iran over the past 25 days, according to Fars.
Only the official websites, Telegram channels, Twitter and Instagram accounts of these 5 media outlets were considered in the survey, and their TV networks were not included.
According to the volume of news and releases, the BBC had the most fake news, with Iran International and Radio Farda in the next ranks, according to the poll.
According to the survey, examples of fake news are falsification of news, distortion, exaggeration and downsizing.
In addition, news censored by these media outlets, such as the forensic report on the cause of death of Mahsa Amini, meetings of the revolutionary people, and denials of fake news, were not considered.
The top 5 lies that were published most often by these media in the last 25 days are:
1. False claim of beating Mahsa Amini,
2. False claims about the death and illness of the leader of the Islamic Revolution, Ayatollah Seyyed Ali Khamenei,
3. False claim about the fall of the city of Oshnavia,
4. False statement about the cause of death of Nika Shakrami
5. False claim that "Sharif University was razed to the ground by bloodshed."
According to the ranking of the most common false news in relation to news volume, the results are particularly interesting:
1.
BBC Persian total 58% false (total news 5343, false news 3101)
2. Iran International with total lies 53% (total news 11426, fake news 6026)
3. Manoto network with 49% total lies (total news 3739, false news 1835)
4. Voice of America with 43% total lies (total news 8555, false news 3656)
5. Radio Farda with a total of lies 41% (total news 6502, false news: 2694)
Thus, over the past 25 days, on average, 48.8% of the news published by these media are false. That is, almost every second news is not true.
In addition, these media outlets have been publishing lies on average every two minutes since Mahsa Amini died.
The food for thought was the abundance of provocative rhetoric, propaganda and “how to start a riot” videos to create riots, which is unique in its kind and contrary to all media protocols in the world, which of course was not considered in this study.
According to this survey, the Saudi-funded Iranian International Network had the highest release rate in the past 25 days with 11,426 articles, with Voice of America and Farda Radio coming in next.
In terms of the number of reposts of news and social media posts, Iran International with 20%, Manoto with 17% and BBC Persian with 14% had the largest share in posting riot news on social media. That is, about 51% of the reposted news about the riots on social networks were related to these 3 media.
European governments and their best friend, the United States, have sought to seize the moment to put more pressure on Iran by imposing additional sanctions on Tehran. Highly politicized Persian Air Force reporting forced the Iranian Foreign Ministry to summon British Ambassador to Tehran Simon Shercliffe and hand him an official note of protest.
Also in late September, the Iranian Ministry of Foreign Affairs summoned the British Ambassador due to the "hostile atmosphere" created by London-based Farsi TV channels such as Iran International, BBC Persian and Manoto against the events in Iran.
At the time, the ministry strongly protested the UK for hosting such media outlets, saying they were vehemently trying to stoke violent protests in Iran.
BBC Persian and Iran International, as well as other Persian-language media in Europe, have been using all their energies in recent days to provoke violent protests over the death of Mahsa Amini, a young woman who died in hospital three days after falling in fainting at a police station in Tehran.
22-year-old Amini was arrested in Tehran by morality police for learning the Islamic dress code. Amini from the Kurdish city of Sakez died on September 16.
While the entire country, from its leader to its president, and people from all walks of life mourned the unfortunate and tragic death of Mahsa Amini, the United States and European countries saw an opportunity to shed crocodile tears and used the tragic event for their political gain.
A spokesman for the White House National Security Council told Reuters on September 19: "Mahsa Amini's death after injuries sustained while in police custody for wearing an 'inappropriate' hijab is a horrific and egregious violation of human rights," the official said, adding: "Our thoughts are with the Mahsa family and loved ones.
"
“Women in Iran should have the right to wear what they want without violence or harassment. Iran must stop using violence against women for exercising their fundamental freedoms,” the official continued, noting: “Accountability for the death of Mahsa must be established.”
Robert Mulley, the United States Special Envoy for Iran, also tweeted Sunday: “Mahsa Amini's death after injuries sustained in custody for 'inappropriate' hijab is horrifying. Our thoughts are with her family. Iran must stop violence against women for exercising their fundamental rights. Those responsible for her death must be held accountable.”
He then used the Persian hashtag for Mahsa Amini's name.
Jake Sullivan also followed suit, tweeting: “We are deeply concerned about the death of 22-year-old Mahsa Amini, who was reportedly beaten while being detained by Iranian morality police. Her death is unforgivable. We will continue to hold Iranian officials accountable for such human rights violations.
#MahsaAmini”.
He also used the Persian hashtag for the name Amini.
US Secretary of State Anthony Blinken also tweeted: “Mahsa Amini should be alive today. Instead, the United States and the Iranian people mourn her. We call on the Iranian government to stop the systematic persecution of women and allow peaceful protest.”
They demanded responsibility for Amini's death and the Islamic Republic used all its means to investigate the incident with full transparency.
Iranian President Ibrahim Raisi called Amini's family and had a rather lengthy conversation with her father. “Your daughter and all Iranian girls are my children,” Raisi said, condoling with her father. “I learned about this incident during my trip to Uzbekistan and immediately ordered my colleagues to investigate this matter in a special way. I assure you that I will be following this matter from the responsible institutions to ensure that all aspects of it are clarified and no rights are violated.
”
According to Speaker Mohammad Baqer Qalibaf, the Iranian parliament has also set up a committee to thoroughly investigate this unfortunate incident.
“The death of Mahsa Amini left a deep sorrow in our hearts, and early in the morning the representatives were informed, and the oversight bodies of the Parliament, with all delicacy, included the process of investigating this incident in their agenda. I reiterate that all aspects of Amini's death must be thoroughly investigated and informed,” Qalibaf said on September 20, promising to reform the approach of the morality police.
In an article published on September 28, Tehran Times reported that four European countries and one Asian were involved in fomenting riots and protests. According to information obtained by Tehran Times at the time, Germany was at the center of European efforts to fan the flames of the protests. And the German embassy in Tehran served as a focal point for other European embassies in Tehran involved in this effort.
