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Sex after childbirth. When can you have sex after giving birth?

Sex after childbirth, according to many women giving birth, is very similar to the very first time. Feelings are indescribable. But some women after the birth of a child consciously eschew intimacy with a man. Let's try to figure out how to return to a normal sex life.

When can I have sex after giving birth?

You can start sexual relations as early as 4-6 weeks after discharge from the hospital. During this time, vaginal ruptures heal, the placenta attaches to the wall of the uterine cavity, the uterus and vagina return to normal, to their normal volume. Until that time, the entire uterus is essentially an open wound, which can easily get an infection that causes endometritis (inflammation of the uterus). To restore the tone of the muscles of the perineum, it is recommended to do the Kegel exercise. nine0003

If you think that these rules can be neglected after a caesarean section, then you are mistaken. The place of attachment of the placenta to the wall of the uterus should also heal and heal. You also need to wait until the scar on the uterus heals. In any case, only a doctor will tell you how long you can have sex after giving birth.

Return of desire

For physiological reasons, in the first year after the birth of a child, a woman experiences increased vaginal dryness, even if she is very aroused. This is because the body does not see the need for it. After all, it is too early to start a new child, while there is a baby who needs the mother's care, her undivided attention. It can also be a subconscious fear, because a significant part of the reproductive system was injured and the penetration of a foreign body into it can cause severe pain. nine0003

There may also be banal fatigue: a small child takes a lot of energy, especially if you need to combine care for him with household chores. By night, the woman just wants to fall down and sleep, without participating in "games under the covers." Yes, and nervous tension, the expectation that at the most crucial moment the child will wake up and demand attention. All this does not contribute to the return to sexual activity.

Psychologists also note that many women hold a grudge against a man. He did not have to go through a difficult birth, devote 100% of his time to the child, and even manage the household. That is why newly-made mothers deliberately refuse sex, hoping in this way to take at least a little revenge on their husband. nine0003

Many women lose their self-confidence. The birth of a child leaves a lot of traces on the body: stretch marks, sagging breasts, lethargy of the skin of the perineum. A woman ceases to feel desirable and embarrassed to appear naked in front of her husband.

The presence of all these problems does not mean that this is the end of sexual relations between parents. Lubricant will help with vaginal dryness. The tenderness and trepidation of a man's attitude will help a woman feel more confident. And if the husband also helps with everyday affairs, mommy will have the strength to caress not only the child. To relax and establish contact, you can try to start with a massage, lie down in the bath. It is also important to take into account the selection of a pose: a woman must control the depth and strength of penetration herself in order to “test the soil”. And if nervous tension does not allow you to relax because of the little man in the next room, ask your grandmother to take a walk with him for a while. nine0003

Contraception

There are speculations that as long as a woman is breastfeeding or her menstrual cycle has returned to normal, there is no need to fear a new pregnancy. It is because of this false information that many couples "accidentally" get pregnant. Therefore, if such an early new conception is not included in your plans, you need to take care of protection.

• Hormonal preparations are not always suitable. Some of them can harm the baby by passing through the blood into the mother's breast milk. Although some experts argue that with the right choice of contraception, such problems can be avoided. nine0028
• Good barrier contraception: condoms. diaphragm, spermicides. They provide up to 97% protection against unplanned pregnancy. To improve the effect, you can combine spermicidal lubricant with a diaphragm.
• Installation of an intrauterine device is indicated no earlier than six months after childbirth. The main thing is that everything heals completely.

The restoration of sexual relations becomes the final stage of rehabilitation after pregnancy. Sex after the first birth is especially exciting, but even it can be handled if you approach it wisely. nine0003

Is there sex after childbirth? And what to do to be? We answer together with experts

18+

Text:

Elena Gvarishvili

Editor:

Svetlana Durbo

April 24, 2021 10:15

After the birth of a child’s life, including sexual, is changing. And not always for the better. Pregnancy and childbirth often negatively affect the health and well-being of the mother, so sex ceases to be a pleasure and becomes a problem. Together with experts, we figured out what happens to intimacy after childbirth and how to return it. nine0003

Dismantling popular myths:

After giving birth, you can't have sex until six months

Utkina: That's not true. Doctors usually allow penetrative sex six to eight weeks after delivery. Some couples return to it earlier. But, indeed, there are a lot of those who are not ready to resume sexual relations even after six months. It happens that way too.

Belokon: We recommend abstinence for a maximum of six to eight to ten weeks after childbirth, until the moment when the woman runs out of lochia and complete involution of the uterus occurs. For example, healing of sutures, wounds on the perineum. Six months is inhumane in relation to a woman and her partner. nine0003

Returning sexuality and intimate relationships is a woman's task

Jacobson: I don't like the approach when all responsibility is thrown on one person, although there are at least two people in a relationship. If the partner will support his wife in every possible way, give compliments, share the duties of caring for the child, be gentle and patient with her, then sexuality will return very soon. And the woman will not need to work alone on her restoration.

A woman cannot get pregnant while breastfeeding

Belokon: This is absolutely not true. Lactational amenorrhea is the name given to the condition when a woman does not have menstruation immediately after childbirth and for as long as she is breastfeeding. But menstruation may be present, this is normal. Even if it is absent, ovulation occurs against the background of breastfeeding. Even one ovulation can be enough for pregnancy.

And women who do not have periods should know their physiology and remember that even in the absence of menstruation, ovulation occurs and you can get pregnant . Sometimes a woman breastfeeds, lives an open sex life, becomes pregnant. There are no periods, there is no delay, and she finds out about pregnancy already when her symptoms or fetal movement appear. [Absence of menstruation] is an unreliable method of contraception, so if you do not want to get pregnant, you must use protection.

If a woman wants to have another child soon after giving birth, then a break of at least 6-12 months is necessary. If there was a caesarean section and there is a scar on the uterus, then on average we recommend preventing pregnancy for 1-2 years so that a reliable scar forms and it is safe to get pregnant again. It is clear that this is not a dogma, we do not scold if a woman becomes pregnant before the specified dates. If this happens, we bear and give birth. nine0003

After childbirth, sensitivity decreases and the genital tract is deformed

Utkina: Usually not, these are soft tissues, and with well-organized recovery after childbirth, everything should be in order. If there were long attempts, episiotomy (dissection of the perineum. - Note ed. ), vacuum, ruptures, the sensitivity and shape of the vagina can really change, as well as weakness of the pelvic floor muscles. Postpartum rehabilitation practices help to cope with all this: from biofeedback therapy to banal massage and breathing exercises. Here the matter is often not only in the physiology of childbirth, but also in medical interventions. nine0003

Belokon: In a woman, the most sensitive part in sex is the clitoris, as a rule, nothing happens to it at the time of childbirth, and its sensitivity does not decrease. Yes, some women have certain changes in the genital tract after childbirth. There may be tears in the vagina and perineum, there may be incisions in the perineum. There may be a slight stretching of the walls of the vagina, omission of the walls of the vagina. But this doesn't happen to everyone. And if you have any questions, pain, not that sensitivity, you need to contact a doctor and resolve the issue that worries you. For some, on the contrary, the sensitivity only increases. nine0003

What problems do women most often face after childbirth:

Self-doubt

Nikonova: A woman may feel non-sexual after childbirth if her appearance means a lot to her and her partner. It is worth getting at least one negative evaluative comment, and you will no longer want any sex. The only way to prevent sudden disappointment is to live with someone who doesn't care about how you look, who will always see beauty in you. Body positivity is everything. nine0003

Belokon: Women may think that there is something wrong with them, they are embarrassed to talk about it with a partner or a specialist, they switch to problems with a child. They resort to not very safe procedures like laser vaginal rejuvenation, which is definitely ineffective. A woman needs, firstly, a competent obstetrician-gynecologist. Secondly, a couple, ideally, should talk through everything and think through these nuances before the birth of a child, understand that life does not end and one must continue to enjoy it. nine0003

Nazaralieva: Many women can feel unsexy depending on how their body has changed and whether they have time for themselves. Because if they are included in intensive motherhood, then at some point life turns into Groundhog Day. For sex to appear, most women need the right context. And if this is a typical couple, when he is at work, and all the care for the child is on her, and they have few resources, sex will not soon become a priority in this family. nine0003

Utkina: The body changes after childbirth. And even if it still fits into the accepted standards of beauty, women notice that many things have become different. It is not uncommon for partners to tell women directly that they have "become unattractive." Even more often, women absorb such “ideas” from gloss. In general, there are those who, through the powerful experience of childbirth, reconsider their views on the body and sexuality. And he feels much more freedom in sensual manifestations.

Discomfort during intimacy

Whiteskin: If there are tears or wounds, they may increase discomfort. If a woman is breastfeeding, then her estrogen level is reduced. No one warns women that this affects everything, including the vaginal mucosa, so there may be problems with insufficient lubrication, the mucosa becomes thinner and easily injured. In this case, it is imperative to use lubricant, choose the right postures and be careful, and if this does not help, then contact an obstetrician-gynecologist. It is not necessary to endure and take it for granted. nine0003

Nikonova: This happens quite often, especially after an episiotomy and suturing. I met stories of women who were told, they say, we will sew you up so that your husband will like it. Will she like it herself? No answer.

No one thinks about the mother's sex life, and no one is warned that there may be problems after childbirth. Motherhood sometimes puts an end to pleasure, and many find out about it too late.

Nazaralieva: A large number of women experience pain during penetration soon after they resume their sex life. This is especially true for those women who are breastfeeding. Usually within six months, a maximum of a year, this pain disappears, and from a physiological point of view, sex begins to resemble the one that was before childbirth. If this pain persists, you don’t have to endure it, you need to think about some options, because sex is not only penetration . You need to talk to your partner very honestly about what is happening to you. And seek help.

Sex fades into the background

Olga Belokon: Sex recedes into the background because the woman is busy caring for the child, the couple cannot allocate time for this. Here you need to know that it will not be as easy as it was thought before the birth. That after the birth of a child, your life will definitely change, and it’s right to think through everything, including assistance in caring for a child, to plan your personal life even before the birth of a child. nine0003

Amina Nazaralieva: A common problem is when one of the partners does not want sex, but the other does. In women, pregnancy can affect their sexual life in any way. It happens that the growing uterus begins to put pressure on neighboring organs, and excitement is easily provoked by any factors. It happens on the contrary, for many reasons: due to hormones, a woman and a man can be influenced by fears that during sex they can harm the child. This is not so, with a healthy pregnancy, you can have sex in the same way as you did before. nine0003

As for the quality of sex after childbirth, it all depends on what happens to the partners, how much they were able to reorganize and take on parental roles, how involved the father is. There is some evidence that truly included fatherhood is good for , for example, if dad spends the same amount of time taking care of the child and in physical and emotional contact, thereby unloading mom and making the child common. The wives of such husbands are more satisfied with the quality of marital relations. nine0003

Irina Yakobson: The birth of a child is a catalyst, if the relationship was difficult before pregnancy, then after childbirth it will become even more difficult. But if partners know how to talk to each other, ask for help and share the responsibilities of caring for the baby, then cooling can be avoided, and the relationship will become even stronger.

Forcing a woman to have sex and violence

Nikonova: In addition to constant fatigue and sleep deprivation, a huge number of women experience economic violence from a partner during maternity and parental leave. Since at this time they do not earn money, in addition to caring for the baby, they are given all the responsibility for life, and they often reproach the expenses and take full advantage of the fact that a woman has nowhere to go. I once asked my subscribers a question if they had ever been financially dependent, they sent me hundreds of stories about the humiliation that women on maternity leave were subjected to by their husbands. For example, one husband said: "For a woman who does not earn, you talk too much." Where is the space for the revival of sexual desire? He will not. nine0003

Also, forcing a woman to have sex by her partner when she is not ready is a common scenario. Often a woman does not want sex just because she is tired. Often she is forced to agree to him out of fear of losing a man, but, of course, this does not bring her any pleasure, and coercion grows disgust for her partner. Joyful and pleasurable sex is quite possible after childbirth, but for this, the partner must invest in child care, relationships, life and care for the partner. nine0003

How to return sexual pleasure:

Plan

Nazaralieva: After the birth of a child, sex ceases to be spontaneous. It will not be spontaneous for a long time, especially if you decide on the second one. Put it on your calendar and get ready for it: tune in emotionally, ask your grandmother or nanny to help. No need to worry that if sex is not spontaneous, then this is the end of . Spontaneous sex is a luxury that very free people can afford. You are still in a situation where you need to plan it. nine0003

Share the responsibilities

Nikonova: It is very important that both partners take an active part in the care of the child. Often in Russia, a woman finds herself face to face with the consequences of childbirth, as if this is not a male occupation at all. In fact, you need to give mom time to recover calmly, let her sleep, take a bath alone, be without a child, so that she feels like herself, and not an extension of the baby.

Spend time together

Nazaralieva: Don't be afraid to delegate child care to a nanny or grandparents. To maintain or restore relationships in a couple, you need to work on them - set aside at least a few hours a week for this. Remember how you spent this time before you became parents? You went somewhere, talked not only about problems, did something romantic. It is important to remember what you liked as a couple before having children, and try to periodically return to these activities. nine0003

Get to know your partner again

Nazaralieva: If you are convinced that real sex is penetration sex that ends in a grand orgasm on both sides, you will have to give it up. You need to understand that perhaps the map of your erogenous zones has changed, say it out loud with your partner. It is helpful to increase the proportion of foreplay and treat your partner like a new person you don't know yet. Study her body again.

Practice

Nikonova: Now gynecologists have begun to recommend the practice of Kegel exercises to restore the tone of the pelvic floor muscles. It’s boring to do the exercises themselves, simulators with game applications for smartphones and tracking the progress of training save, in Russia they are sold in sex shops. It is completely optional to buy them, you can do the exercises without them, it’s just that the process is more fun and efficient with them. Exercise is necessary in order to avoid urinary incontinence after childbirth, this is common and does not add a feeling of sexuality. In addition, trained muscles allow you to get more pleasure during penetrative sex .

Relax

Jacobson: New parents often forget about themselves and each other in their worries and concerns about their child.

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