You communicate with professionals who are constantly looking for new solutions to common problems, trying innovative approaches and launching different projects. Learn from the mistakes of others and adopt best practices.

• Job opportunities

According to LinkedIn statistics [2], up to 85% of vacancies are filled through acquaintances. Blat and nepotism have nothing to do with it: if you are doing your job well and it is pleasant to deal with you, you will definitely be called when a suitable position opens up.

• Potential partnerships and investments

Others may be interested in your work or ideas. They will help you raise money for projects or bring experienced people to your team, advertise products to expand your audience, or open new lines of business with you.

How networking works

Any person is engaged in networking throughout his life: he gets acquainted, communicates, joins communities. It is important to learn how to benefit from these processes. No one will even think of calling you to work if they do not know what you are doing.

It is important not only to make new contacts, but also to constantly stay in the field of vision. For example, you graduated from high school a long time ago and many of your classmates have probably already succeeded in their fields. They can be helpful, but if you haven't kept in touch since graduation, suddenly asking for their help isn't very polite.

Where to practice networking

Some people manage to acquire useful contacts naturally: such people are sociable from birth and know how to win over others. But in the modern world, networking is a tool available even to introverts.

Sociologist Brian Uzzi and professor at the School of Management. Kellogg Richard Thomas believe [3] that truly strong bonds are formed not in small talk, but in situations where you and other people are involved in something important. Therefore, the most effective networking is the one that involves working together. But do not neglect simple communication.

Places and events that promote good networking:

• Educational programs and professional competitions , where participants are united in groups.

Many practice-oriented events are built around teamwork, such as case championships and hackathons. Courses, trainings, intensives and marathons, even online, often include blocks in which students solve problems together. Here you can meet interesting people, show your skills in business and see what others are capable of.

• Co-working spaces are a good base for finding business contacts.

In these places people are immersed in work and you can offer help, ask a question or share an opinion. A one-time fruitful interaction will easily develop into further cooperation.

• Industry exhibitions, forums and conferences , where people exchange experiences, share best practices and talk about their achievements.

Here you will immediately find out who can be useful to you, and who will be interested in you yourself.

• Social networks , if used correctly, will work to develop connections.

In the West, everyone has been looking for professional acquaintances on LinkedIn for a long time, in Russia and the CIS there are "Professionals.ru", but other platforms are also suitable for this. For example, using a channel in Telegram or YouTube is easy to get others to contact you. Until the spring of 2022, the list of social networks available in our country was somewhat wider, but this does not mean that it is now impossible to develop a network of contacts.

• Special apps like Random Coffee help you find people who share your interests.

The bot program selects an interlocutor for you and offers to organize a one-on-one meeting. Together with the previous point (social networks), this is one of the key ways of remote networking.

• Any communities and clubs : from sports, neighborhood and national to student, scientific and professional.

Participants are united in such groups according to certain interests or characteristics, but this does not mean that they cannot find other points of contact.

Networking the right way

First impressions

It's important to learn how to make a good first impression. Think about how interesting it is to introduce yourself in a couple of sentences. It is worth moving away from dry generalized formulations containing only the position and field of activity. It’s better to briefly describe what exactly you do, for example: “I analyze data and, together with specialists from related fields, develop marketing strategies for the business.”

High-quality business cards will also come in handy. Make clear cards with a concise design, from which it is immediately clear where and by whom you work and how to contact you. To make them even more convenient, you can add a QR code that, when scanned, will show your profiles in social networks - so you should fill it out correctly. Add a high-quality photo to your profile, information about education and experience, join thematic groups related to your work, show that you are interested in the profession. Make reposts of publications that are interesting in your field, share your opinion on this matter, write expert posts yourself.

Communication

Most people find it easier to communicate one on one or in small groups. Therefore, it is better not to come to events in the company of someone. Try to show up before the event starts and stay after it ends. So you will have the opportunity to meet more people who are not busy talking.

Your goal is not just to expand your contact list as much as possible, but to find useful people for cooperation. Therefore, focus on communicating with those who can really be useful to you. For example, if you want to find new opportunities to advertise your products, and you know in advance that a certain person is marketing, first of all try to get closer to him.

Remember the banal rules of politeness. Smile more, don’t go over sharply to “you”, make compliments, address people by name, introduce strangers to each other and do not interrupt interlocutors. Show genuine interest: ask more open-ended questions and ask for feedback. Do not be distracted by a smartphone or extraneous things and try to listen to new acquaintances to the end.

Strengthening connections

Get in the habit of leaving "hooks" during the first conversation and using them to remind you of yourself after the meeting. For example, you can share information from some research or publication, and the next day send a link to them and start a subsequent dialogue. Another way is to take a general photo and then upload it in the messenger.

Invite people you've exchanged contacts with for lunch, coffee, or a workout. As Kate Ferrazzi writes in The New York Times bestselling book Never Eat Alone, it’s times like these that we’re more open to socializing and more willing to bond.

Share useful links, services, new contacts, if they can be useful to your friends. Bring them small souvenirs from your travels, congratulate them on the holidays, exchange books, talk about significant events in your life, and sometimes try to spend time together just like that - without discussing business.

Networking mistakes to avoid

1. Don't try to sell your ideas off the bat and don't be overly intrusive. It scares people away and spoils the impression. Better ask and listen more.
2. Do not ask for help at first. First, you need to establish a strong trusting relationship.
3. Don't try to be better than you are. Lies will be revealed sooner or later, and the reputation will remain tarnished forever.
4. Do not enter into personal financial relationships with new acquaintances - do not lend money, do not borrow money and do not become a guarantor.
5. Don't be reminded of verbal agreements twice. Ask what was agreed in the conversation, just once. If a person has not kept a promise, forgive him.
6. Do not participate in gossip and intrigue, do not spread false and defamatory information.

What to read about networking

You can't learn networking from books alone. It will take constant practice and work on other soft skills. But this selection of books will help you avoid mistakes, relying on the experience of professionals, and learn about the main networking tools.

"Networking for introverts", Vikre Karen

The book will teach you how to win over people, make useful contacts and achieve various professional goals with their help.

"Never Eat Alone" by Keith Ferrazzi

The networking guru describes simple yet effective techniques from his own experience. His approaches are being studied at Stanford Business School.

"How to talk to anyone, anywhere, anytime", Larry King

One of the most famous TV journalists and a recognized master of interviews shares his secrets.

“The science of communication. How to read emotions, understand intentions and find a common language with people”, Vanessa Edwards

Founder of The Science of People laboratory tells how to behave at events, read emotions and make any communication memorable.

The Language of Life, Marshall Rosenberg

Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a way to communicate information clearly and get things done. The approach was formulated by the American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg. In the book, he talks about methods of communicating with people, shares the tools of empathy and self-understanding.

“From connections to riches”, Maxim Chernov

Networking expert and founder of pronetworking.ru explains how to build fruitful friendships out of connections.

how dating services destroy self-esteem and reinforce stereotypes. The next day, she did not come to work at the store, did not return calls, and her car was parked outside the house.

Users of online dating services face violence, online harassment and fraud. Teplitsa editor Ekaterina Ulyanova talks about the main threats and how the platforms are trying to fight them.

“I found the love of my life on Tinder and we will get married soon,” such reviews can be read on the application website. Of course, someone manages to find their love using the application and build strong relationships. But not all stories end so happily.

The sad case of Sidney Loof is not the only one. Here is another story. Daniel Drayton has been nicknamed "Tinder serial killer" by foreign media. He was accused of killing a nurse from Queens, but the man himself claims that seven women became his victims. And these are just some of the most high-profile and scary cases associated with dating services.

There are no reliable statistics on how many users of Tinder and other similar applications experience dating violence. Attempts to collect at least some data are made mainly by journalists.

For example, journalistic projects Columbia Journalism Investigations and ProPublica found profiles of people convicted of sexual assault in the online dating services Tinder, Plenty of Fish and OkCupid. They investigated and learned about more than 150 cases of sexual crimes. In every tenth case, the service itself offered users to communicate with a person who had previously used sexual violence.

Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OkCupid and other services are owned by Match. Only the company's flagship site, Match.com, checks users. In 2011, the site linked Carol Markin to a six-time convicted man who she told police had raped her on a second date. After that, the Match Group agreed to check registered users with the state registry of people convicted of sex crimes.

But this does not apply to free platforms like Tinder, OkCupid and Plenty of Fish. A Match Group spokesperson told Columbia Journalism InvestigationsI that the company cannot implement a single verification protocol because it does not collect enough information about free users (and users who pay for advanced features).

This means that any such service has registered sex offenders. Lawmakers in the US conducted their own investigation in May 2021. They introduced a bill that would require platforms to ensure that users comply with the rules. After all, formally, people who downloaded applications confirm that they did not commit criminal offenses.

But there is a loophole in US law - sites cannot be held liable for harm caused to third parties through their platforms. Therefore, while there are disputes around the document. And the responsibility for control over users remains with the users themselves.

"You should treat your dating like you're your own mom," says Tinder Match Group director Mandy Ginsberg. Tinder has advice on how to be safe on a date. Users are advised to find out more information about new acquaintances, meet only in public places and tell family or friends about their plans.

The Call Galya! project is working in Russia. He brought together public spaces where women can hide from unwanted attention if something goes wrong on a date. You need to find bars and cafes on the map marked with a lightning bolt under an umbrella, go to the bartender and say the code phrase. Staff will help you call the police or get home safely.

Online harassment

Insults, devaluing messages, requests to send candid photos - this is what almost all active users of online dating services face.

In 2020, the Pew Research Center found that 57% of dating site users aged 18 to 34 received explicit messages or photos that they did not ask them to send. Six out of ten women under the age of 35 said that one of the users continued to write to them after they said they were not interested. And 44% confirmed that other users called them by offensive names.

Shani Silver, writer and host of the dating podcast A Single Serving, has been using Tinder and other apps for several years. She says that she was periodically offered to have sex even before they said hello. “The hardest part for me was that I was treated like I was just being used for free sex. It hurts,” shares Shani Silver.

It is sad that such stories are beginning to be accepted as the norm. And the experiences of people who are faced with rough treatment are depreciated. It is assumed that sent intimate photos, offers to have sex and insults should simply be ignored, not paid attention. They become an integral part of online dating, an inevitability. But the truth is that rough treatment cannot be the norm, emotional abuse can break a person just as much as physical abuse.

Men and women face various forms of online harassment. But a study by the Pew Research Center found that women are more likely to experience abuse. For example, they were more likely to be called offensive names (44% of women versus 23% of men). Also, women aged 18 to 35 in the Pew study reported frequent threats of physical harm - 19% (compared to 9% of men).

Profile descriptions themselves are often toxic. During the pandemic, people who physically couldn't cheat on their partners tried to meet online and wrote things like: “I'm quarantined with my girlfriend, but who knows how much longer we can last. I want to be distracted from communicating with her. There are also racist statements when the profile says "no blacks and Asians."

Now dating services have begun to pay more attention to online harassment. In September 2020, Match Group acquired a head of security and social protection. The Tinder team has implemented machine learning to look for offensive phrases and ask their authors to edit the message before sending. The service also cooperates with the non-profit organization RAINN, which is engaged in the fight against sexual crimes. Tinder and RAINN are collaborating on new features to make users feel safe.

One of Tinder's main competitors in the US, Bumble, is a female-friendly service. And it also introduces various features designed to protect against rough handling. For example, the Bumble team uses artificial intelligence to blur questionable images and ask users to consent to view.

Anxiety and ghosting

Tinder founder Sean Red says he was very shy. It was hard for him to approach someone and get to know each other. Once in a coffee shop, he met the eyes of a girl and at first became nervous. But she answered him with a smile and made it clear that she did not mind meeting him. Sean Red realized that getting to know you is much easier if you know that someone wants to get to know you in return. That's how he came up with the idea for Tinder.

It seems to be a really ideal solution for shy people who find it difficult to talk to someone. But is everything really so smooth? It often happens the other way around. People who have some kind of pain points only become more anxious after viewing profiles on dating services.

Let's get back to toxic descriptions in profiles. They can contain not only openly aggressive statements. But at first glance, they are relatively harmless: “I am looking for a successful girl”, “write if you are cheerful and athletic.” When viewing such descriptions, people begin to wonder if they are good enough for such a partner. That is, evaluate themselves, instead of focusing on whether they like the counterpart and his interests.

Once a conversation has already started, users of Tinder and other apps may use various tricks to lower the other person's self-esteem. For example, whelming, when a person boasts of the number of his "matches", fills his own worth and lowers the interlocutor's self-esteem. Or negging, when the interlocutor writes both pleasant and humiliating compliments.

There is also a ghosting, when the person with whom you correspond for several days stops responding to messages and disappears. That is, it becomes a ghost (ghost). An anxious person will immediately begin to delve into himself and try to explain such a disappearance with his behavior. And this is another way to low self-esteem.

Dating services are set up to look for the most suitable potential partners for various parameters. Users should have the feeling that fate itself brought them together, and not just algorithms. Tinder uses Rekognition, Amazon's artificial intelligence for photo cataloging. If you are snowboarding or walking in the mountains in the photo, you will be classified as “outdoor enthusiasts”. All in order to introduce you to similar people.

Sounds good and it seems that there is nothing wrong with this approach. If not for one "but". No one knows exactly how the algorithms and rankings of Tinder and other services work. The French journalist Judith Duportey tried to understand this issue. She wrote the book “Love by algorithm. How Tinder dictates who we sleep with” and shared what mechanism determines the attractiveness of partners. Each Tinder user is rated according to their level of in-demand, and we're not talking about attractive photos.

The score is based on the Elo rating. It was invented at the beginning of the 20th century by chess lover and physics professor Arpad Elo. This is a coefficient assigned to each player based on previous performance in a particular area. For example, soccer players earn points when they win matches.

But you can beat a strong team or a weak one, so a different number of points is awarded for each match won. How does this relate to Tinder? More or less like this. If a popular user Masha swipes the profile of a less popular Petya to the right, he gets more points in the rating of the service.

The service representatives themselves refused to comment on the rating system. “Dear Madame Duporteil. <...> Regarding your request for the so-called Elo score, we inform you that we cannot disclose any information regarding the functioning of our dating system, ”Tinder representatives answered the journalist’s official request.

Judith Duportey's investigation also led her to the Google Patent system. The authors of the Tinder patent gave their hypothetical users the names of famous characters. For example, several hypothetical situations involve the main characters in When Harry Met Sally .

From the patent: “Just as an example, imagine that Harry and Sally are users of the service <…>. Let's say Harry is older than Sally by 10 years and earns $10,000 more a year, in addition, he has a master's degree, while Sally only has a high school education. Despite these inconsistencies, the server will give Sally a higher score, and Harry will be more likely to see her profile."

In other words, young girls with low education and low income will still get high marks and will be listed among successful adult men. On the contrary, it doesn't work. Young men will not be shown to established older women. It turns out that Tinder broadcasts: women prefer more mature and rich men, and men choose younger girls. That is, the service is based on a patriarchal model and reinforces stereotypes.

Scam

The Tinder Scam documentary topped the Netflix rankings and became the most talked about in February 2022. This is a story about how a young man, Simon Leviev from Israel, for many years pretended to be a “diamond prince” (son of a billionaire and owner of a diamond mining company). He met girls on Tinder, courted beautifully, and then conned them for large sums. And spent them to conquer other women. The film featured three of his victims. Simon swindled three girls out of about $10 million.

In fact, any user of Tinder and other dating services can become a victim of scammers. In 2016, the US Federal Trade Commission received 11,235 online dating fraud complaints. By 2020, that number has risen to 52,593. Approximately two-thirds of fraud victims are women, with an average age of about 50.

Attackers are using painfully familiar schemes. For example, they depict widowers who finally found a soul mate after the death of their wife. And they ask for money for the flight, treatment, insurance. Another option: they say they want to chat with their lover via video link, but they do not have a webcam and money to buy it.

You can also face extortion when an attacker asks to send intimate photos to the interlocutor or interlocutor, and then asks for a “ransom” for them. Of course, they don't do it on the first day they met. First, they collect as much personal information as possible about the interlocutor, find other social networks, and gain confidence. When intimate photos are obtained, the attacker says that he will send the pictures to all the victims' acquaintances, unless a "ransom" is sent.

Scammers send emails or text messages asking you to verify your Tinder account. Another type of scam is a Tinder verification request from a matched couple in order to start chatting. There is only one principle - to force a person to follow a third-party link and enter personal data. Therefore, you need to be vigilant, do not share personal information, ask interlocutors more questions, communicate only in the service's messaging service, and do not follow links.

Total

Probably, after all that has been said above, online dating services are beginning to be perceived as an absolute evil. The online dating industry has even been called Big Dating by analogy with Big Data and Big Farma. Moreover, the comparison with pharmaceuticals here has a negative connotation. It is believed that drug manufacturers are ready to sell pills at any cost that will relieve the symptoms of the disease, but will not solve the problem.

Similarly, dating services sell the illusion of an easy opportunity to meet your love. But in fact, just big feelings most often have no place in such applications. Although there is still a chance to meet a permanent partner. An example of this is Renata Nyborg, who in 2021 became the first woman to lead Tinder. She met her husband on the app.

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