Self reg how to help your child
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WHAT IS SELF-REG?
Shanker Self-Reg® is a process for enhancing self-regulation by understanding and dealing with stress.
Self-Reg is a valuable and accessible framework for children, youth, and adults as well as people who care about and work with them.
SELF-REG RESOURCES FOR
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Educators
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ONLINE LEARNING
2022/23 COURSE CALENDAR »
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TESTIMONIALS
“Everyone who works with children or has children in their lives in some capacity should take Self-Reg Foundations. It is grounded in current science, and its message of compassion and hope is inspiring and empowering. I have shifted my view of behaviour and I am already seeing changes in my classroom. I get to the end of the day and week with energy left – not completely drained – and I credit self-reg. If you’re considering taking this course, do it! It will enrich your life and the lives of the children you work with. – Laura R.
“The learning that I have come away with from the Self-Reg in Early Childhood Development program is amazing! Everyone in the ECE field should take this course! I have such a great tool kit to walk away with to help me in enhancing my own Self-Reg journey as well as helping the children I work with. This course has changed my practice for the better and I will keep striving to lend my calm! – Carrie
“Leadership is so critical to the wellbeing of all members of staff. I have shared the Leadership For Self-Reg Schools program ideas and principles with many leaders and staff at my school with very positive responses. The course presents immediately useable material, plans and approaches which can change and has changed the culture of the school in many aspects.
It’s a process in progress to arrive at haven status. The learning and experimenting is exciting. There are many mistakes and re-takes to get it right but we derive energy from the clear evidence of successes to keep going to apply this leadership process. – Chanel H.
“I came to Self-Reg though my work with children and young people, never really thinking about it personally. My journey through Self-Reg Foundations and now Self-Reg Facilitator’s has taken a very personal turn. It has quite literally changed my life personally and professionally. The Facilitator’s course dives deeper in the science, and “how to” of the 5 steps across the 5 domains, and how to share this with others to ignite their Self-Reg journey. Highly recommend this course. – Alix
SELF-REG BOOKS
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EVENTS
October 28th @ 9am EDT
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Workshop Series Starting November 28th
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Save the Date July 4-7, 2023
More information coming soon!
EXPLORE EVENTS HERE »
WHO WE ARE
The MEHRIT Centre is Dr.
Stuart Shanker’s organization dedicated to understanding how we all respond to stress in the same way: we thrive when it is positive, we struggle when it is excessive.
Calm, alert children, youth and adults flourishing in physically and emotionally nurturing environments.
To ground learning and living in self-regulation.
THIS child, THIS youth, THIS parent, THIS teacher, THIS practitioner, THIS classroom, THIS learning space, THIS school, THIS campus, THIS country, THIS community, THIS globe.
OUR PHILOSOPHY
Dr. Stuart ShankerFounder & Visionary
With Self-Reg we learn how to transform the dream of a Just Society into a reality, one mind at a time.
We are in the midst of a scientific paradigm-revolution in our understanding of the effects of excessive stress on behaviour, social-emotional development, intelligence, empathy, motivation, and character. The theoretical foundation of the Shanker Self-Reg® framework rests on these recent advances in neuroscience, physiology, psychology and clinical practice.
The Shanker Method® explores, explains, and applies these new insights in a way that benefits every child, youth, adult and senior.
Self-Reg provides us not just with the why, but also with next steps on “the how”.
- How to distinguish between maladaptive and growth-promoting modes of managing stress;
- Between misbehaviour and stress-behaviour;
- Between laziness and processes deep inside the brain that impede learning or effort.
- And what to do about it.
Resource Library - Self-Reg
Welcome to our Resource Library! You can find all our infosheets, Self-Reg visuals, infographics and tools on this page here.
For more free content check out our Co-Reg Community. For Les outils en ligne – en français, please click here.
Note that these resources are intended for personal use. The MEHRIT Centre Ltd. owns the copyright on all the below materials as well as associated intellectual property and trademarks.
We actively encourage the sharing of these resources in line with our Terms of Use with reference back to The MEHRIT Centre and self-reg.ca. If you would like to make more than 25 copies, please reach out to [email protected] for permission.
INFOSHEETS
- Self-Reg the Basics
- Self-Reg for Parents
- Self-Reg for Military Parents
- Self-Reg for Early Childhood Educators
- Self-Reg for Elementary Teachers
- Self-Reg for Teens
Self-Reg What You Need to Know Series
- 10 Self-Reg Lessons Learned
- The Early Years
- The Impact of Trauma
- Science Backgrounder
- 5 Domains of Self-Reg
- A Parent’s Guide
- 7 Myths of Self-Reg
- Adolescence & Self-Regulation (Polskie)
- Fiches d’Information
The Self-Reg View On
- Red Brain Blue Brain Balance is the Key
- “Diagnosing” Oppositional Defiant Disorder
- The Critical Importance of the Fifth Domain
- The Joy of Self-Reg
- Stress Management as a Distributed Social Phenomenon
- Risky Behaviour
- Depression
- ADHD
- Obesity
- Anxiety
- Resilience
- Schools as “Self-Reg Havens”
- Laying the Foundation for Self-Regulation
- Expanding Our Understanding of the Meaning of Safe
- Paradigm Revolution Self-Reg in Schools & Communities
- Mindfulness Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
- Aging
- Kids Gone Wild
- Literacy
- Music
- The Everyday Process of Research
INFOGRAPHICS
- What is Shanker Self-Reg®?
- The Steps of Shanker Self-Reg®
- Self-Regulation vs.
Self-Control - Understanding Stress Behaviour for Parents
- Understanding Stress Behaviour for Teachers
PUBLICATIONS
- Self-Reg Books
- Reframed: The Journal of Self-Reg
- Volume 1
- Volume 2
- Casenhiser, Shanker & Stieben (2011) – Learning Through Interaction in Children With Autism
- Casenhiser, Binns, McGill, Morderer & Shanker (2015) – Measuring and Supporting Language Function for Children
with Autism - Burman, Green & Shanker (2015) – On the Meanings of Self‐Regulation
TOOLS
- 5 Step Portrait Tool
- Self-Reg Schools Full Toolkit 2017-18 (Intro Video from Stuart Shanker)
- Self-Reg Schools Full Toolkit 2016
Emerging Tools – for those starting out on their Self-Reg Journey
- Self-Reg Rubric
- Example In the Moment Ways to Lighten the Stress Load (Step 3)
- Example Ways to Restore Your Energy (Step 5)
- Example Stressors in the 5 Domains
Developing Tools – for those who have begun their Self-Reg Journey with one of our Certificate Courses
- Self-Reg Competencies Rubric (Español)
- Blank Energy-Tension Matrix
- Energy-Tension Reflection Journal
- Classroom Environment Reflection Poster
- Classroom Environment Checklist
- Classroom Environment Design Elements
- It’s Smartest to Coregulate
- 5 Domain Conversation Starters for Students
- 5 Domain Conversation Starters for Adolescents
- Self-Reg Strategies in the 5 Domains
Applying Tools – for those with extensive Self-Reg knowledge, having completed one of our Certificate Courses
- RADAR: The 5-Stage Approach to Help Guide You Towards Becoming a Self-Reg Haven (TMC offers Self-Reg Consulting to guide learners through the use of this tool.
Please contact [email protected] for more information and pricing). - WAVE School Incident Long Form
- WAVE School Incident Short Form
- WAVE Mapping Tool Long Form
- WAVE Mapping Tool Short Form
- DIY Ways to Lighten the Stress Load (Step 3)
- DIY Ways to Restore Energy (Step 5)
DISCUSSION GUIDES & GROUPS
- Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Fully Engage with Life Discussion Guide
- Calm, Alert, and Learning Discussion Guide
- Self-Reg Schools: A Handbook for Educators Book Study on Facebook
- Self-Reg Schools: A Handbook for Educators companion resources
VISUALS
Shanker Self-Reg Visuals
- The Triune Brain
- Thayer Matrix
- 5 Steps of Shanker Self-Reg (Polskie)
- 5 Domains of Shanker Self-Reg
- The Shanker Method® Roundabout Graphic
- Hierarchy of the Stress Response
- Multiplying Effect of Stressors
- Arousal and Regulation Tree
Self-Reg Quote Series
- Self-Reg Sunday
- Quotes by Stuart Shanker
- Self-Reg Posters
- SRSS Quotes
- Affiches en français
Self-Reg Visual Aids by Kristin Wiens of North Star Paths
- Reframe the Behaviour (Deutsch) (Español)
- 5 Steps of Self-Reg
- 5 Domains of Self-Reg
- Behaviour is Communication
- Recognize Stressors
- 10 Ways to Develop the Habit of Self-Reg
- Brighten Up a Student’s Day
- Rethinking Power Needs
- My Inclusion ABC’s
- Nature Activities for Kids
- Am I Co-Regulating?
- You are the Strategy
- Their Storm, Our Calm, Co-Regulation (Deutsch)
PODCASTS & OTHER AUDIO RESOURCES
- Calm, Alert & Learning Audiobook on our Co-Reg Community
- The Shanker Chronicles with Dr.
Stuart Shanker through Self-Reg Global - Voices of Self-Reg on VoicEd Radio
- Self-Reg: Science That Resonates on VoicEd Radio
- Take a Breath (The Self-Reg Song) by Raffi
PRINT NEWSLETTERS
Keep up to date with our updated Email Newsletters. Sign up here.
- 2019 – April – November
- 2018 – March – September
- 2017 – May – August – November
- 2016 – March – May – July – September – December
- 2015 – Fall
EMAIL NEWSLETTERS
See recent past emailed newsletter here.
#TMCTALKS
Join us on the 2nd Wednesday every month at 7:30pm EST for our Self-Reg Twitter chat! Follow #TMCTalks and @susanhopkins5. Here is a summary of all our TMC Talks.
SELF-REG GLOSSARY
Glossary
SELF-REG JOURNEYS
Meet some of our fantastic Self-Reg Community members and learn about their Self-Reg Journeys. Join in the conversation on our Co-Reg Community where we will upload all our new Self-Reg Journey resources! If you would like to share your journey, reach out to us here.
- Laura Cesaroni – FERN
- Anne Connolly – Special Education Teacher
- Lisa Cranston – Retired Educator
- Aviva Dunsiger – HWDSB
- Hillary Freeburn – Early Years Lead
- Tiffany Goulet – St. Joesph’s School
- Susy Komishin – Manitoba First Nations Education Resource Centre
- Cathy Lethbridge and Crystal Carbino – SCDSB
- Claudio Moschella – Peel DSB
- Vicki Parnell – Autism Consultant
- Kim Smith – Lakeside Public School
- Brenda Smith-Chant – Trent University
- Lisa Taylor – Dufferin County
- Erica Wainwright – Teacher and Autism Specialist
- Linda Warren & Ken MacNaughton – DDSB
- Kristin Wiens – Sooke School District and North Star Paths
- ‘Namgis First Nation
- North West Territories Department of Education
TRANSLATED RESOURCES
Accédez à nos ressources en français ici.
Where available, translations are shared alongside English versions on this page.
We would absolutely like to expand on the number of translated materials we have, however due to the cost of professional translation we have been unable to grow more than a handful a year. If you are willing to donate a translation of any of the resources on this page we would greatly appreciate this, please let us know at [email protected].
Additional translated Resources will soon be found on our sister-company Self-Reg Global’s website here.
Ressources en français
How to help a child get rid of inattention
The most useless thing an adult (parent, teacher) can do to develop a child's attention is to scold him for inattention and urge him to be more attentive. Of course, if a child is strongly yelled at, then he will mobilize for a short time and will be more attentive. And the adult will triumphantly say: “Maybe, when he wants to!”. And then the child will slide to his usual level of attention, the worker, that is, the one that the adult does not like. And the adult will say that the child CAN, but does not want to, fool.
In fact, it is impossible for either an adult or a child to become fundamentally more attentive than he is. For a short time, urgently for some task or in connection with danger, attention can be mobilized, but emergency mobilization has a very short lifespan. And in order to become more attentive in principle, you need to develop a special mental function - attention. Do not CALL, but DEVELOP.
Attention, like everything else, is developed by training. It is necessary to organize activities in such a way that attention is actively demanded, then it will be developed and grow. So, for example, a hunter needs attention for a reason, but because otherwise he will not kill the game, and the game can kill him. And that is why the hunter mobilizes attention, trains it, and it becomes very developed.
If you want your child to be attentive, then you should try to organize special events where his attention would be actively working.
I must say right away that the younger the child, the easier it is to develop his attention.
In some cases, with children from 10 years old, parents can hardly influence the level of his attention, since the child has already slammed the boundaries from his parents and does not want to interact.
The importance of the development of attention for the upbringing of a child cannot be overestimated. Attention is a huge part of the ability to navigate life in general. To behave appropriately among people you need to be careful.
You need to notice who is where and who is in what mood, you need to notice the nuances of the situation and its change. To ensure your physical safety, you need to be attentive to yourself and to what stands and moves around you.
In learning, attention is generally one of the central necessities. The best students are often not the smartest, but often very attentive children. And what a mind without attention, without the ability to notice details, to see their totality, to be able to observe ...
In general, the more attentive a child is, the more chances he has for a successful life.
He does not forget to write down the task, call his parents when necessary, he does not suddenly have a rotten banana in his briefcase, he understands what is happening around him and in front of him, he is, as it were, grounded in reality, and this gives great bonuses.
Inattentive children are the favorite pain of parents. “We don’t write down the task” (“WE” are mandatory here), “the raven counts in the lesson”, “I knew everything for the control, but due to inattention I got a deuce.” Some age inattention, of course, is characteristic of children. But it is easy to see that not all children are so inattentive, and this property can definitely be developed, no matter how degraded your child is. You just have to do it right.
Ideas for developing attention
For the development of attention, special games, programs, applications and other bells and whistles are not needed. The best attention training happens in life.
Suggested ideas should not be taken too seriously, the game component, enjoyment of the process and ease are essential for success.
Most children with normal (not great, but only normal) relationships with their parents go to these practices with pleasure, since this is, in fact, a game.
Some practices take the form of errands and chores, they are not a game, but also should not be offered to the child very strictly, it is important to maintain some positive attitude when you invite the child to do something.
Attention Mode
Tell the child that you are announcing "Attention Mode" when he should become very observant for a short while. You will ask him a question about the surrounding space, which he will have to try to answer. After a couple of minutes (gradually, the time should increase), ask the child a question about what was around you, but no longer in the child's field of vision.
These questions might be:
Who was ahead of you in line?
- What was the doctor who was talking to you wearing?
- Which house did we pass? Color? More or less than 3 floors?
- What color were the eyes of your interlocutor?
What is the door we just went through made of?
What signs were on this road?
What hat was the woman wearing?
Questions should be appropriate for the child's age and attention level.
Very difficult or too simple questions will ruin the game, the child will get bored or annoyed, will not want to play.
Over time, you can no longer announce the attention mode, but simply ask the child attention questions.
The child will also want to ask you such questions, so be careful!
A more difficult version of this game is descriptions of objects. Ask to describe in more detail the places, objects or people that have been in front of the child's eyes for quite a long time. For example, ask your child to describe in as much detail as possible the metro station you were at, the interior of the cafe, etc.
Orientation
All orienteering tasks sharpen the child's attention, teach him to keep his attention for a long time, to better understand the world around him.
- Study with your child the names and shapes of the streets you drive regularly. Ask to take a virtual walk: let the child take you mentally along the route, naming streets, intersections and turns.
Each task can also be performed in a mirror way, that is, you guide you along the route, and the child checks you (it is possible with a map for the first time).
- Observe the patterns in the display of goods in large supermarkets (they are the same). Study this question, and observe patterns in different stores with your child. It is also useful to explain to the child why the chewing gum is at the checkout, and not at the beginning of your route through the trading floor.
Encourage your child to check the display patterns in different stores and different countries when traveling.
- Get the best route. This is especially convenient if you travel with a child in the subway. Teach your child to notice the optimal patterns of movement in the subway, convenient routes for movement in a large stream of people.
- Assign a child as the main navigation. The child can enter directions and help you find your way. It can also compare traffic with navigational directions (which street we are passing, where we are now turning).
All orientation tasks are very useful, include the child, train attention.
Assignments for the child
In carrying out all chores, the child must understand what is useful. He must clearly imagine what this benefit is and why his action is necessary for the family as a whole. Housework develops mindfulness well.
- Give your child difficult tasks. For example, ask him to buy bread, and on the way to see if a new issue of such and such a magazine has come out and buy a magazine, if only the number is new. Recently, parents are less and less giving this kind of instructions to children (it’s easier to do it yourself), and as a result, children swim in some kind of prostration, cut off from life’s realities, but tightly connected with virtual reality. Yes, it’s easier to do it yourself than to endure the unsatisfactory result of the child’s work. But education goes only through the organization of life, and not through parental words.
- Instruct your child to check the expiration dates of the products or their composition, and on this basis, carry or not carry the products to the family cart in the store.
- Have the child keep the family tickets and show them to the ticket inspector. Try to get rid of the “come here, otherwise you will lose” attitude. On the contrary, entrust the child with an important and responsible matter, only in this way responsibility develops. Of course, you should not start with plane tickets, but you can trust a ticket to a museum or cinema.
- Give errands that require long attention, such as watering flowers. Tune in to the fact that at first the child will not succeed, but the ability to regularly follow something can be brought up.
More ideas
Elements of the whole
Being in thoughtful spaces (museums, subway, beautiful interiors) pay attention to how the elements of the whole are combined. How, for example, the shape of the lamp is combined with the pattern on the walls, and the color of the furniture matches the shade of the curtains.
Elements of the whole can be found in rooms, architecture, paintings in the design of books, in ancient and modern costumes, and so on.
White tablecloth
Of course, plastic or woven napkins are convenient, brushed off the dirt and that's it. However, all comfortable devices form relaxation and a certain carelessness. Enter the tradition of a white tablecloth once a week. And do not just lay this tablecloth, but try not to leave a single spot on it. This practice is hardly suitable for parents who are especially sensitive to cleanliness, since stains should still be treated calmly, even with humor, but try to avoid them. The tradition of the white tablecloth should not turn into domestic terror because of stains, it should remain positive. During dinner, mindfulness is additionally trained on a white tablecloth, since neat food is not an easy task for a child (and for an adult)!
All the proposed practices have one thing in common - they require the attention and efforts of an ADULTS. But regular moralizing about the need to be more careful requires almost no effort, they are impulsive and habitual.
Parents often say, oh, it's all understandable, but it's so hard, and I have so little strength.
However, if you want your child to work hard and become more attentive, then you will have to work hard, this is a necessary element of the formula for success.
Even more useful articles on the website of Elizabeth Filonenko
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emigration with children - how to help the child adapt
Itgen.io
- this is always stress - this is always . Especially for a child. How to help him overcome the unknown, different culture, language and the need to adapt? We deal with the psychologist of "Aitigenio" Aizhan Budanova in the new material.
It is not always possible for an adult to appreciate the psychological complexity of moving for a child. But his life begins from scratch, where everything needs to be done in a new way: look for friends, climb to school heights, “winning” teachers, getting used to completely new conditions.
And the main thing at this moment is to be there and try to do everything for the speedy adaptation of the child.
What needs to be done for this?
- To acquaint the child with the culture of another country through potential interests: cartoons, music, fairy tales that they might like.
- Pay attention to your child. Play with him, draw, offer to spend time together.
- Do not deny his feelings. “How can you be bored/sad? It's so great here, much better than at that school / with those friends / in that yard. Give your child time, try to talk to him about moving heart to heart. And, most importantly, let him openly express his feelings and emotions - do not reduce the importance of the child's experiences so that he does not close.
- Help to settle down in a new place, take into account the opinion of the child when arranging his room and things. Let him help you with some business and feel his contribution to the common cause - this gives a sense of belonging and a certain control.
Don't forget to praise in extended sentences describing the child's specific contributions.
- Find an opportunity for your child to do what he loves: perhaps in the new city there is a section or circle that can distract him from drastic changes?
- Try to find a balance. Do not put pressure on the child by assigning a huge number of responsibilities, comments on academic performance and other claims. And at the same time, do not show excessive pity: you do not need to take on the entire load of the child, perform one-time tasks for him and completely limit him from the load and tasks from “normal” life. One way or another, it is necessary to develop his independence and responsibility.
- Try to be honest with your child about your situation, if it is obvious: the child will still see from you that many things are not going well. And the unknown only adds to the anxiety. Subconsciously, the child may accept your emotional "capture" by moving - whether it be positive feelings or homesickness - as a lack of previous interest in yourself.
It is important for him to understand that you still love him, and the change of scenery did not affect this in any way.
- Do not put your child in a position of severe lack of information. That is, if you know about the high probability of difficulties for him, inform him about it. And discuss what can be done and how to deal with it. You may be interested in reading the article about bullying, which we wrote recently.
- If it is difficult for a child to find new acquaintances or friends, explain to him that he is not to blame: “You are not a bad person, you did nothing wrong. There will definitely be those people who will accept you and communicate with you - there are a lot of people in the world, and friends can appear outside of school.
- Talk to your child about experiences and how the day went. Show sincere interest in his hobbies so that he can freely and vividly share with you!
In any situation that is out of your ordinary life, it is important to show that you are determined.
Therefore, try not just to tell the child that “everything will be fine”, but justify it as far as possible.
Watching the fuss, conflicts and panic will not give your child peace of mind. Particularly acute conversations and conditions should be addressed in the circle of adults.
Honesty is about saying, “Yes, we didn't plan this, we don't know much yet and we're also going through it. But we will figure it out, because ... ". But phrases like “Oh, what will we do now? My poor son, what will happen to you now ... I don’t know what to do anymore! - hustle and bustle.
And, of course, the most important piece of advice is to give your child time. Adaptation can take place quickly, or it can take months. But all this time he will need your support, understanding and hugs. And you can definitely do it!
See also
How we hired our 16 year old apprentice as a developer. The experience of the Aitigenio school
How to get a child interested in programming?
5 important tips for parents
TOP 5 popular professions in the IT field
About 5 popular professions in the IT field that will be in demand in 2021.
