New baby and 3 year old

Preparing your three-year-old for a new sibling

How do I tell my three-year-old about the new baby?

Try to tell your three-year-old that she's getting a new brother or sister before you tell other family and friends. If her auntie asks her if she's looking forward to the new baby, and you haven't explained it to her yet, she may be a bit baffled.

As your child will have a few months before baby arrives, she'll probably bombard you with questions. So let your child decide how much she wants to talk about the baby, and do your best to encourage her curiosity.

Even if she already has a younger brother or sister, she's unlikely to remember you being pregnant, or life before that sibling. So don't assume that because she has one brother or sister she understands what having a new baby means.

You may be worried about how you'll cope with two or more young children. Added to that, you're probably suffering from:

tiredness
sickness
backache

But try to stay upbeat and positive so your three-year-old doesn't resent the baby that's on the way.

If you've a chatty three-year-old, she will probably guide you when it comes to talking about the baby. She may be curious about what the baby looks like in your tummy, or what baby is doing in there. Ask her opinion. If she thinks your baby is dancing, sleeping, or eating, don't contradict her.

You could keep a pregnancy diary, with pictures of your child and partner patting your tummy. Add the things they say too, such as suggesting baby is, "waiting for tea, like me".

If you want to explain why you are tired, you could talk about when you were pregnant with her. Try saying: "Growing a baby is hard work. Sometimes I felt tired when you were growing inside me, too." Children like to hear about themselves, and learning about similarities may help her to feel closer to your baby.

Your three-year-old may be quiet and talk only a little, but she's likely to be intrigued by your growing bump. So talk to her and let her feel your baby kicking once his movements are strong enough.

You could take your three-year-old to your midwife appointments and ultrasound appointments so she can hear the heartbeat and see the baby. Though she'll probably be more interested in clambering on the chairs or looking for toys than listening.

Try not to ask your child if she would particularly like a brother or a sister. If she then says she really wants a brother, but you have a girl, she may be disappointed.

You may know if you're having a boy or a girl. You could chat about all the fun things she'll be able to do with her new brother or sister, once they're a bit older.

How can I help my child to understand how life will change?

Talk about the things that will stay the same. Your three-year-old can still play with toys in the bath, watch her favourite DVD, read a book with you and go to nursery.

Talk about the different things that will happen. Say that the baby will sit here in the car, and sleep here. Explain to your child that she'll be able to show her new sibling her toys, but that the baby won't be able to play with her at first.

Tell her that your baby will like watching her dance, and sing, and clap. Explain that a newborn baby can't talk or run or jump, but she will like having her hand held or her head gently stroked. Say that new babies can't talk, but do cry.

Your three-year-old may start playing babies, working out through play what is going to happen. She may want to put nappies on her teddies or put them to bed in your baby's Moses basket. Talk about how she'll be able to help do this with the real baby, if she wants to.

Your child may like to curl up with you and look at her baby photos, seeing how she grew and changed. She may like to look at your bump and compare pictures of you when you were pregnant with her.

Talk about how excited you were when she was born and how much attention and love she has always had.

How can I involve my child in the preparations for a new baby?

Your little one will probably love trying to listen to the baby inside your tummy. She may invite family, friends, and even strangers to do the same. You may need to get used to sharing your bump!

Children can feel quite possessive about "their baby", and yours may want to be involved in everything from sorting the baby clothes to deciding where the cot goes.

This may be tricky for you. Perhaps you are not as excited as you were first time around. Perhaps you're worried about coping with two or more children, or maybe this pregnancy feels very different from the previous one.

If this baby wasn't planned, or you got pregnant a lot quicker than you imagined, it can be hard to overcome your worries. Try not to let your child overhear you discussing these concerns. Children understand a lot more than you may think.

Try to encourage and share your child's excitement, and be as positive as your energy levels allow. Stay upbeat and let your child help as much as she wants. You could let her play with all the baby things as you pull them out of storage or as presents arrive. It will help her to feel included and part of the excitement.

Your child may enjoy choosing some of the toys she's outgrown to give to your baby. But she may later change her mind, so don't force her to give them up. Your newborn won't need any toys straight away.

Likewise, if she wants some newborn clothes for her teddies, playing with them may help her to make sense of this new idea.

How will things change as the birth approaches?

As your bump gets bigger, you'll probably start to feel even more tired. Your three-year-old may start to show signs of anxiety.

She may be noticing how:

your shape has changed
there's less room on your lap
you may not be picking her up as much
her mummy feels different, and she's not sure about it
you may not have much energy

You can talk about all this with her, reminding her all the time how important she is to you.

There are lots of books about babies which you can share with your child. You could chat about the pictures and the story, relating it to her soon-to-be sibling.

You're likely to be focusing on the birth and making preparations for it. Your child will notice, so extra cuddles and reassurance will help both of you. She may become extra clingy or regress to those temper tantrums you thought were behind you. Even if you're tired, try to give her your love and understanding.

If you're going to hospital to have your baby, your child needs help to understand that you won't be away for long. If you're having a home birth, she needs to know who will look after her.

Do try to:

keep to her routine
give her lots of love and cuddles
relax together
have fun together
chat positively about your new baby

Try not to force other big changes, such as:

Starting a new nursery.
Coming out of nappies at night, if she's not ready.
Persuading her to give up her comfort blanket.
Expecting her to act like a big girl. Even though she's three, she still sees herself as your baby.

You may be working almost up to your due date. Being at work may sometimes feel easier than being at home with a lively three-year-old.

So make the most of this time you have together, and try to relax and enjoy these final weeks before your new baby arrives.

Supernanny Jo Frost - help your toddler deal with a new baby

The first few weeks with two or more children can be a testing time for families as you all get used to a very different situation. Right up until the birth of your second child, your first-born will always be ‘your baby’ – even if she’s 3 or 4!

A common problem for mums with new babies is that they suddenly see their older child as more self-sufficient and grown-up than she is, because it becomes clear to them who the real baby is now. This can mean that you expect her to be able to do things she can’t. If you’ve never taught your child to tie her shoelaces or put her coat on herself, she won’t be able to do it overnight, so it’s important to ease into this.

Wherever possible, stick to the routine you had in place before your second baby came along. For example, if your daughter has ballet classes, make sure she still gets to go. It’s important that your toddler doesn’t feel she’s missing out because of the new baby.

Baby makes three

Include your little one at every given opportunity. If you’re bathing your new baby, let your toddler watch and talk to her all the way through about what you’re doing. Have a giggle with her at how small the baby’s feet are, then say, ‘And look at your big feet! Aren’t the baby’s ones small compared to yours!’

More like this

Let your toddler sprinkle water on the baby with a sponge so she feels involved. Ask her to pass you a clean nappy when you’re changing the baby – it’ll help her feel responsible and valued. Or let her stroke the baby’s back when you’re gently massaging her. The tiniest things mean a lot to toddlers and help them feel secure.

Bonds of love…

Give your toddler lots of time with the baby –it’s great for bonding. Ask her to sing nursery rhymes to the baby, or sit her on the sofa propped up with soft cushions and show her how to hold the baby and gently stroke him – supervised by mum, of course! If you keep the baby to yourself like some precious prize, it’ll only lead to deeper resentment from your older child. When the baby cries, explain to your toddler what could be the matter, so they start to understand little human beings a bit better. Say, ’Oh-oh! Time for dinner! And it’ll be time for your dinner soon, won’t it?’

Every now and then, have some one-to-one time with your toddler. Snuggle up with a book or do a puzzle with her. She’ll love having all your attention, just like old times.

Praise or punish?

Now is the time to lavish attention on your toddler through lots of praise and cuddles. Rather than telling her how lucky she is to have a new baby brother (which everyone else is bound to do), tell her how lucky her little brother is to have such a fabulous big sister. Accept that your child will probably have a few tantrums –she’s experiencing a whole range of new emotions and has no other way of venting them other than to throw a wobbly.

Be sympathetic but don’t be scared to discipline her if it gets too much. Remember, you don’t need to apologise to a 3-year-old for having a new baby, even though it can feel like it sometimes! Understand how she’s feeling but don’t pander to it; that’ll just create more tantrums which have nothing to do with the baby. To a degree, you should adopt the attitude of ‘she’s just going to have to get used to it’ because let’s face it, she is!

When all’s said and done, just go with it. Enjoy the highs and keep the lows in perspective. Just because your toddler might want to ‘send the baby back now’ (or indeed squash him to within an inch of his life) doesn’t mean they’ll be lifelong enemies! Accept offers of help, don’t try to be a superhero, and keep that sense of humour about you at all times. Good luck!

Look who’s here!

It’s a great idea to create a real sense of fun and excitement about the birth of a new sibling. Your toddler will feed off your attitude – how else do they know about the magic of Christmas other than through you talking about it and getting excited? – so make a fuss.

Blow up balloons for the new baby’s homecoming, and let your toddler decorate the house with home-made banners. She’ll love doing it and it’s a great way to make her feel a real part of the experience. Keep telling her how lucky her little brother is to have such a clever big sister.

A time-old sweetener that never fails is for your new arrival to ‘bring a present’ for your toddler with him. So when she comes to see you in hospital or meet her new sibling for the first time, give her a toy all wrapped up and say, ‘Look what your brother got you! He must love you so much!’ Flattery might not get you everywhere but this is definitely one occasion when it’s worth a shot!

Read more...

Jo Frost answers your sibling rivalry questions
Jo Frost - how to deal with toddler tantrums
Jo Frost's advice if your toddler poos in his pants

Development of a child from 1 year and 3 months to 1 year and 6 months of life: what a child should be able to do

For a child from 1 year and 3 months to 1 year and 6 months: what he should be able to do

What should a child be able to do at 1 year and 3 months? As a rule, by this time the child is already confidently on his feet, and by 1 year and 6 months, calm walking develops into small jogs and even jumps.

At this age, the development of speech continues, the baby already knows about 10 words, and possibly more. By the age of 1.5, the child's vocabulary expands and can contain about 30-40 words. Such simple words as "mom", "dad", "grandfather" are pronounced with ease and correctly. At this age, you can see the attempts of the little one to connect a few words into a sentence, in addition, he already knows how to answer the questions “who is this”, “where”. Often words and speech are accompanied by gestures and vivid facial expressions, especially if the child is happy or dissatisfied.

The development of children's speech begins, everything you say to the baby becomes meaningful. The foundations of language acquisition are formed, both understanding and speaking. By about 1.5 years old, the baby understands perfectly well when they are addressed to him, looks into his eyes when talking and listens with pleasure.

Despite the fact that each child develops taking into account individual characteristics, his main skills should fit into the list of skills characteristic of a certain age. Small deviations are quite acceptable and are not a reason for parental panic. Let them act as "bells" for more active participation of parents in the life of the baby.

A child at 1 year and 6 months old begins to try to connect information from different senses. He can determine the humor of the people around him, distinguishes gender, and even knows from whose lips this speech sounds.

Child skills from 1 year and 3 months to 1 year and 6 months

In the second year of life, active development of the sensory-speech zone of the brain is noted. These changes correspond to a sudden jump in language abilities. During the second year, there is also a significant increase in the rate of myelination, which helps the brain perform more complex tasks.

Myelination is a highly organized process, considered one of the most significant indicators of brain maturation, and is often the main correlate of speech and language.

The child is now more aware of his own emotions and intentions. When he sees his reflection in the mirror, he fully understands who it is. He will soon start using his first name as well as personal pronouns such as "I" and "you".

Basic skills for a child from 1 year and 3 months to 1 year and 6 months:

Tries to get on and off a high chair.
Quickly and confidently climbs the steps on all fours.
Climbing the stairs holding her mother's hand.
Stands confidently and walks (moves independently without holding on to a support).
Holds spoon, cup, bottle and other small items such as comb, pencil, etc.
Opens drawers, cabinets, takes out items inside.
Helps mother to dress herself (puts a leg up to put on shoes, gives a pen to put on a jacket).

A 1.5-year-old child is interested in everything that surrounds him, he tries to be independent, but remember that he still depends on you and you have a huge influence on his development.

Child height from 1 year and 3 months to 1 year and 6 months - norms for boys and girls

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), the height of a child during this period may be within the following limits:

Girls: 74.9(8) to 86.5(4) see
Boys: 76.9(8) to 87.7(6) see

The data of domestic pediatricians are slightly different:

Girls: 76.1 to 84.4 cm.
Boys: 77.4 to 86.9 cm.

Child weight from 1 year and 3 months to 1 year and 6 months - norms for boys and girls

According to WHO, the weight of the child during this period should be within the following limits:

Girls: 8.0 to 13.2 kg.
Boys: 8.7 to 13.8 kg.

According to pediatricians of domestic medicine:

Girls: 9. 7 to 12.2 kg.
Boys: 10.1 to 13.1 kg.

The child's digestive system is already functioning and properly developed - the digestive enzymes are fully active. In a 1.5 year old child, the appetite decreases, which is associated with a slower pace of its development compared to previous months and, therefore, with a lower demand for calories. Now the child will gain weight at an average of 2 kg per year.

Mental development of a child at 1 year and 3 months to 1 year and 6 months

The second year of a child's life is the time when the baby shows itself, tries to be independent and often "revolts" against its parents. These are the inevitable stages of the emotional and psychological development of the baby, when the experience gained forms a causal relationship. At this stage of development, quite consciously, the child understands how to do and how not to do it. The psychological and emotional development of the child can be noted by the acquisition of the following skills:

The child imitates others, especially adults and older children.
He enjoys being with other children and playing with them.
He shows his independence.
May be indignant if he is not allowed to do what he is forbidden to do. Do not be nervous if the child cries and screams, do not react aggressively. Try to calm the child, ask him to explain what upset him. It is important that the baby learns to express his feelings from the first years of life.

Psychological parameters that a baby can show at this age:

Love for active games, where you need to run, search, throw the ball.
Increased curiosity - likes to open cabinets, drawers, examine the contents.
A vivid demonstration of one's feelings, emotions, both positive and negative.
Demonstration of an appropriate response to simple requests - "put down the toy", "give me your hand".

Sometimes a baby at this age has nightmares. The child may wake up screaming in the middle of the night. This is because at 1.5 years old he already notices a lot, but interprets little correctly.

Learn to praise your baby for progress and appropriate behaviour. Parental support is an important element that contributes to the proper psychological development of the child.

Child care at 1 year and 3 months to 1 year and 6 months

Children under the age of 2 years, as before, need rest during the daytime, namely, sleep 2-3 hours. At night, the duration of a child's sleep is 9-10 hours.

Changes have also taken place in the diet, the range of foodstuffs acceptable for consumption has expanded. Only the method of their preparation remains unchanged - boiled, steamed, baked.

Although a child's diet becomes more varied after the first birthday, milk and dairy products are still an important part of the diet. It is recommended to give 2 servings of milk per day and 1 serving of other dairy products such as yogurt, kefir, cottage cheese, high quality yellow cheese.

Remember! An important component of the diet is water, which is involved in many biochemical reactions, transports nutrients and maintains a constant body temperature. In children aged 1-3 years, the need for fluid is 50 ml per 1 kg of body weight. For children, it is better to choose water that is low in sodium and minerals.

Every child grows at their own pace, you can't predict exactly when your child will learn new skills. Different manifestations of the development of the child after 1 year give a general idea of the changes that parents can expect, but the process is always individual.

If anything in the child's behavior causes concern, the pediatrician should be contacted immediately to rule out possible developmental abnormalities.

A child aged 3-4 does not sleep well > What to do if a child sleeps restlessly at night

3 years is a new important stage in a child's life. At this age, changes occur in the development and social life of the child. After reading this article, you will learn:

age characteristics of a child at three years old,
how the age of 3 years is different from other age periods,
what is a crisis of independence and how to overcome it,
daily routine features
preparation for kindergarten

Features of age

"I myself." A three-year-old child is quite an adult! He actively strives for independence, and any attempts to interfere in his “affairs” are met with protest and the famous phrase “I myself!”.

A three-year-old child is trying to do everything himself, but the “himself” child still knows little. This is what causes an increase in emotional intensity.

The baby wants to do something by himself - the mother allows him to try - the baby does it, it doesn’t work out for him - the mother starts to get angry, or wants to help and does it herself - the child in response gets angry, upset and cries, pushing that activity away from himself , which he was engaged in, and "assistants".

There can be dozens of such episodes in the life of any three-year-old child a day. This is what contributes to the accumulation of fatigue and questions from parents: “What to do and how to survive this?”

Game. In the fourth year of life, play becomes the leading mental activity of the child. Any knowledge, any experience, the baby is able to perceive and assimilate in a playful way.

Socialization. This age period is characterized by the stage of socialization. At the age of 3, a child begins to learn to perceive the world not only through the prism of normal egocentrism, but also gradually begins to realize that there is another vision. Awareness of the differences of the "I" strengthen the desire of the child to establish himself in this new understanding and strengthen this "I" in every possible way. From here comes “I want”, “I don’t want”, “I won’t”, “I won’t give”, “Mine”. Parents note that the child has become "aggressive", "greedy", "harmful". This phenomenon is called "protest behavior" or "negativism". This is also a manifestation of the formation of the "I" of the child - the first attempts to establish the boundaries of one's own personality.

How to overcome the crisis of 3 years?

, What should parents do to help their three-year-old child go through this age crisis in the most adaptive way and how not to aggravate its manifestations? We have several recommendations:

Everything that is happening now is normal! This crisis is normative, it shows that the child develops in accordance with age. Psychologists believe that if the crisis of 3 years passed unnoticed by the parents, some mistakes may have been made. This happens in families with an authoritarian type of upbringing, where the child's attempts to defend his "I" were suppressed. In this case, the crisis may occur in the next sensitive period, for example, at puberty.

Borders. At the age of 3, boundaries are especially important for a child. Now, when the baby is actively defending his own, he needs guidelines. What borders consist of:

- Family rules. Explain to the child what must not be done under any circumstances. As well as rules on what to do. This is an important point that can greatly facilitate the passage of the crisis of 3 years “I myself” for parents and the baby.

For example, you cannot break a valuable thing, but you can crumple a piece of plasticine. You can’t beat your brother, but you can stomp your feet and beat a sofa cushion. You can’t draw on the wallpaper, but you can draw on a large Whatman paper in a special place or in the bathroom with finger paints.

- Mode and rituals. The more stability and predictability there is in a child's life, the easier it will be for him to adapt to current events. It is important to inform the baby about any changes in advance.

Help your child recognize his emotions. It is important to teach the baby to distinguish his emotions. The child does not yet understand what is happening to him and does not know how to control his feelings.

It is important not to suppress the feelings of "Stop screaming!" “I’m ashamed of you,” and give your child feedback that you feel him: “I see that you are scared / hurt / angry. I can't let you hit me/break things/hurt a cat. But I want to help you. Let's do this (suggesting alternative ways to express emotion)."

If the child is hysterical, mark the boundaries calmly (“You can’t beat”) and be there (“I love you, I’m there”). If a child hits a parent, let him know that you are ready to hug him, you love him, but you cannot do this while he wants to hit you. In no case should aggression be allowed towards a person or animal (“It doesn’t hurt me”). Otherwise, the child receives and assimilates messages like this:

- Beating is the norm

- Does not understand why dad can be beaten, but there is no one-month-old brother.

- If they hit me, this is acceptable, because hitting is the norm.

4 . Parents, rest! Own rest and resources are the key to successfully overcoming any children's crisis. In psychology, there is the concept of "containment". Containerization is the parent's handling of the child's emotional state and careful handling of his feelings. Of course, the parent can only containerize when he himself has rested. Therefore, it is very important not to forget about yourself.

An example of an INCORRECT reaction to the baby's emotions: “Oh, you bit me - then I answered you. How are you?!”, “If you don’t obey, I won’t talk to you / I’ll give it to an evil aunt / policeman”, “What are you yelling, I’m tired too!”.

Examples of CORRECT reactions: “You can't bite or hit anyone. You are very angry now, but you can’t do this with anyone. Let's see how you can get angry so as not to offend anyone? “It’s hard for me to communicate with you when you don’t want to listen to me. This is important, let's try to talk later. Can I hug you?”, “I see that you are angry, you are tired. I'm tired too, but I'm sure I can handle it, because I'm your mom. I love you, no matter what happens"

Preparing for Kindergarten: Adjusting the Mode

A child is starting Kindergarten, an important milestone in a family's fourth year. This is the first serious social institution, the beginning of the baby's socialization. Before the main society was his family. And now those rules, rituals, daily routine to which the child is accustomed must undergo adaptation, synchronize with the rules and daily routine of the kindergarten.

If the child is used to going to bed at 22:00 and getting up at 9:00 am, then quickly adapt to the kindergarten regimen can be difficult. The mode in kindergartens is early, the kids start the day as early as 8:00 in the morning, so it’s better to adapt in advance.

Let's give an example of the daily routine of a three-year-old child for a kindergarten. This mode is easy to reproduce at home:

Time	Action
7.00	Lifting, feeding
7.15	Rituals for awakening
7.35	Preparing for breakfast, child helps
8.00	Breakfast
8.25	Self-play
8.55	Joint active games
9.30	Walk
11.15	Calm educational games, reading, massage
11.45	Dinner preparation, child helps
12.00 - 12.30	Dinner, sleep rituals
12.30 - 13.00	Beginning of daytime sleep
15.00	Awakening, rituals, afternoon tea
15. 30	Joint active games
16.00	Self-play
16.30	Walk
17.00	Calm educational games, reading, massage
17.30	Preparing for dinner, the child helps
18.00	Dinner
18.30	Bathing
18.30 - 19.00	Sleeping rituals
19.00 - 19.30	Beginning of night sleep

In order to make it easier for the baby to get used to the new routine, try to gradually adjust the daily routine to that adopted in the kindergarten. If the baby had a late regimen, then gradually, in increments of 15 minutes, adjust it to the earlier side for 15 minutes every 3 days.

During the day, while awake, it is important to talk about all upcoming changes in the child's daily routine.