Lesbian couple with kids

One lesbian couple's path to having biological children

Mary and her partner, Alison, have been together for 19 years and have two children. "We both knew we wanted kids when we got together," said Mary, "but how was that going to happen?" Same sex couples (as well as trans and non binary couples) face a menagerie of complications when it comes to having children, and those don't end with the finding of an egg or a sperm. For National Coming Out Day, Modern Fertility spoke with Mary about what at times felt like a gordian knot of having kids as a same sex couple, how she and her partner negotiated pregnancy, parenting and the truly unexpected, and what advice she has for queer folks considering creating a family with kids.

Modern Fertility: Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. What did the process of having kids look like for you and your partner?

Mary: Alison and I were going to a therapist when we lived in Portland (Oregon). She helped us work through a lot, including not having supportive families - my mom said to me at one point, "Well, you're gay, you shouldn't have kids." We also started thinking about the practicalities, constructing plans and back up plans, including adoption. We looked at adoption agencies, but there just wasn't one that felt right.

Around this time, there was an op/ed in the New York Times written by a think tank claiming that kids fathered by sperm donors were sad and broken, longing for "real" fathers, and it was just so devastating and cruel. I wrote a response, as did the director of the sperm bank we chose to work with.

Alison and I both wanted to carry a child - I'm 9 years older than she is, so I was definitely running out of time in terms of being able to pregnant, but my mom was dying, and I was having a hard time, so we decided that Alison would be the one to get pregnant first.

We each looked up donor profiles separately, picked our top 3, and ranked them. There was so much information available about the donors - I said to Alison, "I probably know more about their history than I know about yours." Ultimately, we picked the same top 3, in the same order! The donor we decided upon was someone who felt familiar, there was an instant comfort level. We chose a known donor, which means that our son can opt to meet him when he's 18, if he wants to.

The sperm bank started working with us a year before Alison even got pregnant on things like diet, exercise, charting her menstrual cycle. When the sperm arrived, the team was there to greet us at the hospital. After the implantation, we lay beside each other, our legs up in the air (even though only Alison underwent the procedure), holding hands, and thinking of a child. It took 3 times for Alison to successfully get pregnant with our son. That third time, she just had a feeling. And she was right.

I also wanted to get pregnant, and when we embarked on that, we followed the same procedure - ranking our top 3 donors, picking the same person again (a different donor this time). I was 40 when I got pregnant with our daughter. I was sick - I had trouble with sleep, I had preeclampsia, it was rough.

Modern Fertility: What resources and support networks did you lean on when you were going through all of this?

Mary: When we lived in Portland, we were part of a group for lesbians who were parenting or planning to parent that was just such a wonderful resource. It was a true celebration of parenting, and of different kinds of families.

It was important to us to be able to give our kids the option of meeting their donor and/or other children of that donor. I don't have much family left, and I want them to have access to medical information, and an extended family and community, should something happen to Alison or I, so the Donor Sibling Registry is a great thing to have access to.

Our sperm bank has also been wonderful about providing resources on how to talk to your child about this. We felt well prepared to have those conversations.

Modern Fertility: Finally, what advice would you give to other LGBTQIA folks who are thinking about having kids?

Mary: Find a therapist! Ours (she was also a lesbian) helped us think about so much - which of us wanted to be pregnant, what the plans would look like, why we wanted to be parents (make sure you really want kids!) how it would feel to have one child who looked exactly like one of us and not at all like the other. We also got a financial advisor, which was helpful when I needed to take time off during my pregnancy, and a lawyer. Have a plan in place for finding families who look like yours. The more you can anticipate, the better.

Do you know you want to have kids someday? Get educated about your fertility right now! Modern Fertility wants you to have the information you need to plan your future.

How Can a Same Sex Female Couple Have a Baby? The Ultimate Guide

Getting married and having children is something many of us look forward to from the time we ourselves are children. We play with baby dolls and cuddle relatives’ babies, dreaming of the day we can have our own. But if you are in a same-sex female relationship, you may find yourself asking the question, “How can a same-sex female couple have a baby?”

Thanks to the miracle of modern medicine, lesbian couples can now not only adopt children but give birth to their own. Read on to learn more about the different options available for lesbian couples looking to become parents.

Pregnancy vs. Adoption

Before we dive into the different ways lesbian couples can have a baby, let’s talk a little about the pregnancy vs. adoption question. Adoption is an obvious solution for same-sex couples looking to have a baby and in many cases, adoption is a win-win situation; the couple gets to raise a child, and a child who needed a good home and parents gets an amazing family.

Most couples however will want to have a baby that is genetically their own or want the experience of pregnancy and delivery. In these cases, it is possible for same-sex female couples to have a baby that is related to one of the partners.  As we will discuss more later, it may someday be possible for same-sex couples to have a baby that is genetically both of theirs.

Selecting a Sperm Donor

Most of the options for same-sex female couples to have a baby involve intrauterine insemination using a sperm donor.  During this process, couples will select a sperm donor from a donor sperm bank with the assistance of a fertility clinic.  Once the donor sperm is selected, the sperm will be sent to the fertility clinic.  The sperm donor, usually anonymous, will serve as your baby’s biological father.

You can also ask for a sperm donation from close friends if you feel comfortable doing so although involving someone you know is not as easy as it may at first seem.  Some same-sex male couples are even interested in serving as sperm donors in a co-parenting situation, which we’ll discuss later.

Donor Intrauterine Insemination

Donor intrauterine insemination happens in a fertility clinic under the direction of the physician. Be sure to talk to your doctor about what you can do before the appointment to give things the best chance to go right.  These procedures often involve taking medication such as Clomid to stimulate your ovaries and involve close monitoring by your doctor.  When your doctor determines that you are ready, the intrauterine insemination will be performed which is relatively painless.  In this procedure, a catheter is inserted through your cervix and the donor sperm gets injected directly into your uterus. This increases the chance of your becoming pregnant (compared to normal intercourse), especially since it bypasses the issue of poor cervical mucus.

In Vitro Fertilization 

In vitro fertilization is one of the most popular options for same-sex couples looking to have a baby. This process is more involved and costly than intrauterine insemination with donor insemination. However, it can triple your chance of becoming pregnant and lessen the risk of twin or triplet pregnancies which is safer for your health.

During in vitro fertilization, a doctor will harvest eggs directly from your ovaries after giving you fertility medication to promote egg development. They will then inject sperm directly into the eggs or will allow them to interact and fertilize in a lab. These embryos will be incubated for 5 days and then frozen for transfer back to your uterus in the following 6-8 weeks.  The freezing process results in higher pregnancy rates and allows your embryos to be genetically tested, if you desire, prior to returning them to your uterus.

Reciprocal IVF and Surrogacy

Some same-sex couples opt to use a procedure called reciprocal IVF to have a baby. Rather than one partner donating the eggs and carrying the baby, one partner will donate the eggs which will be implanted into the other partner’s uterus. This is a good option for couples who want both parents involved in the pregnancy and birth process.

In some cases, same-sex couples may also choose to have a surrogate carry their baby. This is most commonly done when one or both partners have problems with their uterus or if it not safe for either of them to become pregnant due to medical reasons.  The donated egg from one partner may be implanted into another person who will carry the baby for them. However, this process can be very costly and can have some tricky legal ramifications, so it requires some careful forethought.

Co-Parenting

In some cases, same-sex female couples may choose to arrange a co-parenting situation with a same-sex male couple. Both couples want children and cannot have them through traditional methods, so they team up and form a close-knit parenting team.

In a co-parenting situation, one of the partners from the same-sex male couple provides the sperm donation for the artificial insemination procedure. One of the partners in the same-sex female couple carries the baby and gives birth.   All four parents then work together to raise the child.

Co-parenting can be an amazing option for those who want their child to know their biological father, but it can be complicated from a legal and practical standpoint. If you and your partner plan to go this route, you will need to have extended discussions with your co-parents about how you will handle everything from living situations and custody to schooling, discipline, and finances.

Transgender Partners

If one partner in a same-sex female couple is a transgender woman, you may be able to have a child that is genetically connected to both of you. If that partner is pre-transition, their body will still be producing sperm. Depending on their medical situation, that sperm may be healthy enough to fertilize the other partner’s egg or frozen for later use during intrauterine insemination (IUI) or In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) treatment cycles.  In this situation, you have more options for conceiving. You will need to consult with a doctor to figure out what the best option is for you and your partner.

Adoption 

Of course, adoption can always be a wonderful option for same-sex female couples interested in having a baby. At any given time, there are more than 125,000 children in the foster care system who are eligible for adoption. You can give these children a loving home with your partner.

If you decide to adopt, be aware that you may fight some lingering bias against same-sex couples in the system. Some social workers may want to make extra demands or try to give you only “problem” children. Know your rights and be prepared to stand up for them during the adoption process – you have just as much right to adopt as anyone else.

Ongoing Research

There is some ongoing research that may one day make it possible for same-sex couples to have a child that is biologically connected to both of them. In 2018, a scientist at the University of Cambridge announced that their lab had a mouse pup that was born to two fathers. It may be possible to use stem cells from one parent to create a sperm with a woman’s DNA in it.

This research is ongoing, and it will be a long time before this procedure is medically approved for human use. Mice are much less complex than humans, and a lot more experimentation will be necessary. But someday, same-sex couples may be able to have a baby that is biologically both of their children.

Deciding on the Best Method for You

There is no one right answer to what the right way to have a baby is. Which method you choose will depend on your and your partner’s wishes and on each of your medical situations. There are a lot of factors that will impact your decision.

Start by sitting down and having a conversation with your partner about what you both want from your parenting experience. Discuss your financial resources and what you know of your reproductive health, then make an appointment with your doctor to discuss the best medical options for both of you.

Answer, “How Can a Same-Sex Female Couple Have a Baby?” 

There are many right answers to the question, “How can a same-sex female couple have a baby?” From intrauterine insemination to adoption to co-parenting, you have a lot of options available to you. Which one you choose will be a personal discussion you and your partner will need to have.

If you’d like to get started on your parenthood journey, check out the rest of our site at Inovi Fertility and Genetics Institute. We’re committed to achieving the highest success rates while providing personalized care to our patients. Schedule an appointment today and take the first step in your journey towards becoming

A Texas lesbian couple took turns carrying the same baby. This is the first such case in medical practice.0005 ABC .

Ashley, 28, and Bliss Coulter, 36, met six years ago and got married in 2015. They both expected to have a child in the future, while Bliss wanted him to be biologically hers, but the prospect of walking pregnant did not attract her.

Usually, in the case of lesbian couples, donor sperm is used, with which doctors fertilize one of the women, and after the birth of the child, the second adopts him.

But since the eggs were to be taken from Bliss and Ashley was going to carry the baby, this was not an option for them.

From acquaintances they learned about a new IVF method, practiced in only one clinic. Usually, during IVF, fertilized eggs are placed in an incubator for several days, after which they are transferred to the uterine cavity. But reproductologists Katie and Kevin Doody have developed a new technology - with it, fertilization occurs in a special plastic capsule, which is then immediately placed in the body of the expectant mother. There, the embryo is warm and protected from external influences. Then, a few days later, the embryo is removed from the capsule and transferred to the uterus.

This approach makes it possible to reduce the cost of IVF by more than half, as it eliminates the need for incubation of the embryo in the laboratory. It is necessary, because the embryo does not yet have the internal organs - the liver, kidneys and lungs - necessary for the elimination of toxins.

“It turns out, not surprisingly, that a woman's own body is a very good incubator,” explains Cathy Doody. “We have a liver, kidneys and lungs, so we can provide the same services to the embryo, but in a more natural way.”

The new method has been practiced as recently as 2015. Usually, the same woman becomes both the egg donor and the mother. But in the case of Bliss and Ashley, the capsule was first in Bliss's body, and then the embryo was placed in Ashley's uterus.

“This case is special - two women carried their child together,” says Doody. “Everyone contributed to this pregnancy.”

“When we talked to Doody, she was very confident that she could do it. She gave us hope. It was very exciting,” says Ashley. “The idea that we could both bear a child was hers, she suggested insemination inside Bliss's body. We laughed and I said - wow, so she will carry him too.

Bliss underwent ovarian stimulation, her cells were fertilized with donor sperm and placed in a capsule. The capsule remained in Bliss's body for five days, until the fertilized eggs developed into the blastocyst stage. The embryo was then frozen and Ashley began preparing for the pregnancy. When she began her period, she received hormonal drugs designed to trick the body. The doctors then implanted one embryo into her uterus. And after 10 days, the pregnancy was confirmed from the first time.

“Bliss jokes that she has golden eggs,” Ashley laughs.

9 months later, in June 2018, she gave birth to a healthy boy weighing 3,700. The couple named their son Stetson.

“The moment he was born, I felt like the happiest person in the world because he was perfect,” recalls Ashley. “When I look at him, I see my wife in him. It's priceless".

Although the couple is extremely happy with one child, Ashley hopes that she can talk Bliss into having a second one - they still have two frozen embryos left.

Dr. Doody notes that the method of insemination used allows lesbian couples to have a unique bond with their children and makes pregnancy more natural. Previously, she and her husband practiced it only for heterosexual couples.

“We were talking at home one evening and I said, you know, we could use this for same-sex couples too. And Kevin said yes, I think you're right. I think we can do it."

After Bliss and Ashley, Doody was approached by another couple who went through the same procedure. Their daughter was born shortly after Bliss and Ashley's son.

When the procedures became known, Doody faced criticism from religious adherents who said that science was contrary to their beliefs.

“Well, with all due respect, I disagree,” Cathy replied. - I think that family, relationships, children - this is exactly what should be in our world. Nobody knew it was possible, but it all worked out great.”

ROPA technique MOTHERHOOD IN LESBIAN, BISEXUAL AND TRANSEXUAL COUPLES

Thanks to advanced technology and individually tailored treatments, modern seminal models can achieve pregnancy. For example, the ROPA method allows same-sex female couples to actively participate in the fertilization process. One of them is the genetic mother of the child, and the other is the biological

In vitro fertilization method ROPA (Use of Partner Oocytes) or the use of female partner oocytes is one of the assisted reproduction techniques that allows married women of the same sex marriage to participate in fertilization and pregnancy.

One provides oocytes, which are inseminated with sperm from anonymous donor , while the other receives embryos and carries a child. As a result, after giving prior consent, there is a genetic mother and one who bears a child.

Conception requires the interaction within the female reproductive organs of two germ cells: one female and one male. If, due to gender identity or sexual orientation, this path is unacceptable for a woman, it is necessary to resort to artificial reproduction methods, because sexual orientation and the desire to have offspring should not necessarily be associated with these biological characteristics.

Today we meet with different types of families whose situations and desires require individual approach in each case, such as pregnancy between two women.

Instituto Bernabeu always takes into account the special needs of each patient and adapts the medical services and fertility treatment to provide a personalized in vitro fertilization procedure.

Under current Spanish law: "A woman may use the methods regulated by this Law, regardless of her marital status and sexual orientation." Therefore, the law enshrines the right to motherhood for all women, and more importantly, not only because of infertility.

Since 2007, Spanish law has allowed the registration of dual motherhood at the registry office. At the same time, children born using the ROPA method in a female same-sex couple are legally owned by both mothers only if their relationship is officially married.

If the women are unmarried, then the genetic mother (who did not bear a child) will have to start the process of adoption or adoption in order to be legally registered as a mother in the Civil Registry.

In the case of embryo freezing with the ROPA method (Use of Partner Oocytes), if there is no medical indication for transfer only to the partner who has already received the embryo/s for the first time, the frozen embryos can be transferred to either of them in the subsequent cycle so how women are married and embryos are shared.

), we offer a new alternative to co-motherhood - the ROPA method with partner egg retrieval.

Currently, although this technique is not mandated by law, one can resort to the ROPA (Reception of Oocytes from PArtner) method, or the use of female partner oocytes, which allows two women of the same sex marriage to participate in insemination and pregnancy. One provides oocytes, which are inseminated with sperm from an anonymous donor, and the other receives embryos to conceive. As a result, after the provision of prior consent, there is a genetic mother and one who bears a child. For this purpose, since 2007, Spanish law has allowed the registration of dual motherhood in the Civil Registry in the case of same-sex marriages. In this regard, children born in Spain using the ROPA method will be the children of two mothers from a legal point of view.

ROPA is conventional in vitro fertilization (IVF) adapted to the reproductive needs of lesbian families. First of all, it is necessary to examine both patients in order to develop an individually tailored treatment method in accordance with their state of health. Then, the ovaries are stimulated to obtain a sufficient number of embryos and thus increase the chances of conceiving a child. At the same time, the recipient partner goes through the process of preparing the uterus for the transfer and implantation of the embryo. As soon as the maturation of oocytes (oocytes) is established, the cells are punctured and aspirated. After that, the egg is fertilized in the laboratory with the donor's sperm from our sperm bank. And then, we culture the embryos under close supervision and do the transfer on the 5th or 6th day. Thus, we manage to transfer embryos to the blastocyst stage, optimizing the chances of pregnancy. The following months of pregnancy will develop like any other pregnancy, allowing both women to enjoy this happiness.

In addition, epigenetics has shown that environmental factors and the lifestyle of a pregnant woman marks and determines the expression of the genes of the unborn child. Therefore, it is also genetically involved in the development of the child.

Any method of reproductive treatment (IVF, adoption of embryos or ROPA) has an emotional impact. Therefore, to help our patients walk this path, the Instituto Bernabeu offers, on request and at no extra charge, sessions with a psychologist, with which expectant mothers will be prepared for the possible emotions during each stage of the process and pregnancy.