How well do you know your child questions
301 How Well Do You Know Me Questions (for Family, Couples, Friends, & More)
My seven-year-old daughter gives me how well do you know me questions at least once a week.
It’s a test. But I’m her mom. I know that her favorite color is blue and her best class is art.
So, in an effort to get creative, today I bring you the BEST list of how well do you know me questions to play with your kids, your partner, and even your friends, students, and coworkers. No one is left out here!
This post includes:
- Fun questions for family
- Unique questions for siblings
- Funny questions
- Good questions for couples
- About me questions for friends
- Deep how well do you know me (the ultimate test!)
Now, let’s get started!
Table of Contents
How Well Do You Know Me Questions for Family
The first questions are the most basic and are great for family time activities as well as easy enough for kids that are younger.
1. What’s my favorite color?
2. What game do I love to play?
3. What game do I hate to play?
4. What’s my favorite food in the whole world?
5. What’s my least favorite season of the year?
6. How old am I?
7. How tall am I?
8. What’s my favorite store?
9. What’s my favorite flavor of ice cream?
10. What’s my favorite movie?
11. What’s my favorite book?
12. Which do I think is the best room in our home?
13. Who’s my best friend?
14. What type of music do I like best?
15. What’s my favorite song?
16. What type of music do I not like?
17. What’s my favorite chore? (find a free chore chart template for kids HERE)
18. What’s my least favorite chore?
19. Where is my favorite restaurant to eat at?
20. What’s my favorite vegetable?
21. What’s my favorite condiment?
22. What’s my favorite day of the week?
23. What’s my favorite thing in my room?
24.
What’s my favorite school subject?
25. What’s my least favorite school subject?
26. What’s my favorite animal?
27. What’s my very first memory?
28. Who in our family am I most like?
29. Who’s the most outgoing person I know?
30. Who’s the most shy person I know?
31. What’s my favorite sport?
32. What’s my least favorite sport?
33. What’s my favorite thing to do camping?
34. What’s my favorite thing to do at the beach or pool?
35. Where is my favorite place to read?
36. What’s my favorite season of the year? (see bucket lists for spring, summer, fall, & winter)
37. What’s the farthest I’ve driven in a car?
38. What’s my bedtime?
39. What’s my favorite smell?
40. What’s my favorite thing to do at the park?
41. Who has been my favorite teacher?
42. Who has been my least favorite teacher?
43. What is my favorite show to watch?
44.
If I could be any character from a show or book, who would I be?
45. What are my hobbies?
46. How many pets do I want when I grow up?
47. Do I look like mom or dad?
48. What’s my favorite thing about our family?
49. What is the first thing I do in the morning?
50. What is the last thing I do at night?
For different types of insanely fun questions, see also:
- Easy Would You Rather Questions for Kids
- Never Have I Ever the Kid Version
Fun About Me Questions for Siblings
How close is the brothers/sisters bond? Let’s test it out!
51. What’s my favorite type of pizza?
52. What’s my favorite thing that we play together?
53. What bothers me most?
54. How much money do I have?
55. What stuffed animal do I love most?
56. What toys do I play with in my room?
57. If I could have a pet, what pet would it be?
58. What was I like as a baby?
59.
What’s my favorite candy?
60. What do I want to be when I grow up?
61. What is my favorite fruit?
62. What’s my favorite app?
63. What’s my favorite flavor of toothpaste at the dentist?
64. Would I rather wear shoes or not wear shoes?
65. What’s my favorite card game?
66. Have I ever had any imaginary friends?
67. What do I like to do when I’m alone?
68. What do I do when I’m mad at you?
69. Have I ever scared you before?
70. Do I like playing with your friends?
71. If I could do anything all day, what would I do?
72. What meal could I eat every single day?
73. Do I like video games? What is my favorite?
74. What’s my favorite thing to do at school?
75. Do I prefer listening to music or watching tv?
Related Post: 30 Great Bonding Activities for Your Family
Funny How Well Do You Know Me Questions
These about me questions are sure to give a good chuckle, and maybe even shine a light on a quirky trait of someone’s.
76. What do I do that makes you laugh?
77. What makes me laugh?
78. If I had to choose one food to eat for the rest of my life, what would it be?
79. If I were an animal, what animal would I be?
80. Who is my favorite superhero?
81. Who is my favorite book character?
82. Have I ever pooped my pants? (This is a trick question, we ALL have when we were babies, but my kids think it’s hilarious)
83. What’s my favorite color of jellybean?
84. What noise do I hate the most?
85. What noise could always put me to sleep?
86. If you looked in my back pack (or purse, or bag), what would you find?
87. If I could have any superpower, what would it be?
88. If I could choose a time period to live in, when would it be?
89. If I went to Hogwarts, which house would I be sorted into?
90. What’s the craziest/silliest thing I’ve ever done?
91. Do I prefer dogs or cats?
92. What’s the one food I despise eating?
93.
Which Disney character am I most like?
94. Would I be the first to go or the last to go in a Zombie apocalypse?
95. Who’s my secret celebrity crush?
96. Am I a picky eater?
97. What’s the worst thing I’ve ever cooked?
98. What is the oddest thing that I do?
99. What is the weirdest thing that I eat?
100. Am I a leftover person?
How Well Do You Know Me Questions for Couples
These how well do you know me questions are for couples to explore their relationship, history, and fun preferences.
101. What do I love most about our relationship?
102. What’s my favorite time of day?
103. What’s my favorite memory of the two of us?
104. What do I think is the most defining moment in our relationship?
105. What’s my favorite type of flower?
106. What’s my favorite music?
107. What’s my favorite type of pie?
108. What’s my favorite thing to do at night?
109.
If I could travel anywhere, where would it be?
110. What’s my biggest pet peeve?
111. What’s my favorite hobby?
112. What’s my favorite indulgence?
113. What would my dream house look like?
114. What was my favorite thing to do as a kid?
115. What did I most enjoy about our first date?
116. What is my go-to comfort food?
117. What’s the best gift I’ve ever received?
118. Am I a sweet talker or do I prefer to give tough love?
119. What’s my ideal romantic evening?
120. What’s the best job I ever had?
121. What’s the worst job I ever had?
122. What are my biggest goals?
123. Do I have a green thumb?
124. Where are my parents from?
125. What is an object (food etc.) I will not share with you?
126. What would I most like to do with you if we had a night to ourselves?
127. Am I a saver or spender?
128.
What is my favorite thing you’ve ever cooked?
129. What is something you know about me that no one else does?
130. Who was my childhood pet? What was his/her name?
131. Do I like to go out or be at home?
132. What’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever done?
133. How am I different from you?
134. What has been our worst fight?
135. What is the best thing about being in a relationship with me?
136. What is something I find difficult that others find easy? Or vice-versa.
137. Why did I fall in love with you?
138. Am I a coffee drinker?
139. Who is my best friend?
140. What is my mother’s maiden name?
141. Do I have any birthmarks?
142. What is my favorite gift you’ve given me?
143. What is something I do that makes you feel loved?
144. What kind of a sleeper am I?
145. What position do I sleep in?
145. What was my first job?
146. What do I do when we makeup after a fight?
147.
What do I do to cheer myself up when I’m sad?
148. Where was I born?
149. When do I prefer to eat dinner?
150. What is my love language?
Related Posts:
- Crazy Fun Questions for Couples to Ask Each Other
- A Year of Creative Holiday Date Ideas
- 225 Would You Rather Questions for Couples
How Well Do You Know Me Quiz for Friends
These questions can also be asked by family and couples, but they are especially amazing questions for friends that know you well.
151. Where’s the coolest place I’ve ever traveled to?
152. What is a strength of mine?
153. How many brothers and sisters do I have?
154. What’s my favorite dessert?
155. What’s my favorite fast food meal?
156. What color are my eyes?
157. What’s my favorite drink?
158. What’s my favorite food?
159. Who’s the most fun person I know?
160.
Who’s the kindest person I know?
161. What time do I go to bed?
162. Am I a morning person or a night owl?
163. How many pets do I have?
164. What’s my favorite board game?
165. What makes me happy?
166. If I could have dinner with anyone (past or present), who would it be?
167. Do I like structure or flying by the seat of my pants?
168. Do I have any allergies?
169. Am I an introvert or extrovert?
170. Do I get my work done quickly or am I a procrastinator?
171. Do I like to play sports?
172. What’s my favorite sport to watch?
173. Am I a planner?
174. What is my middle name?
175. Who are the three most important people in my life?
176. How do I like to relax? (Don’t miss the free self-care checklist here to help!)
177. What is a secret talent I have?
178. What city was I born in?
179.
Do I play any musical instruments?
180. How many languages do I speak?
181. Have I ever had to stay at a hospital?
182. Do I prefer comedy or horror?
183. What was my favorite cartoon as a kid?
184. What are my parents’ names?
185. Am I an animal person?
186. Do I prefer tea or coffee?
187. Do I prefer sweet or salty?
188. Am I a rule follower or a rule breaker?
189. Do I like fiction or non-fiction books? (See 50 uplifting books for women HERE)
191. Do I like to dress up for Halloween?
192. Do I sing in the shower?
193. Am I right-handed or left-handed?
194. What is my favorite holiday?
195. Do I love being out in nature or do I prefer to be inside?
196. Do I prefer spicy food or bland food?
197. Do I like music or silence when I work?
198. Do I have a nickname?
199. What’s my favorite type of food (Italian, Chinese, American, etc.)?
200.
Have I ever collected anything (cards, stamps, toys, etc.)?
Related Post: How to Make Friends as an Adult
Now, before getting into the deep ones, check out our favorites HERE:
How Well Do You Know Me Deep Questions
And finally, these questions get to our deepest hurts, desires, and feelings. This set of how well do you know me questions is the ultimate test.
201. What’s my biggest fear?
202. What’s my greatest joy?
203. What do I think about when I’m alone?
204. What do I do that makes me feel better when I’m scared?
205. What do I do that makes me feel better when I’m sad?
206. What’s the most valuable thing I’ve ever given away?
207. What is something really challenging that I’m proud I overcame?
208.
If I could do anything I wanted all day, what would I do?
209. If money was no object, what would I do?
210. Who inspires me most?
211. What situation has caused me the most stress in my life?
212. What’s the best decision I ever made?
213. What’s the worst decision I ever made?
214. Have I ever experienced a miracle?
215. If I could do something all over again, what would it be?
216. What is my dream job?
217. What does my dream life look like?
218. What has been my most embarrassing moment?
219. What has been my biggest thrill?
220. Where do I want to be in 5 years? 10 years?
221. Am I more like my mother or my father? Or someone else?
222. What is my favorite thing about nature?
223. Would I prefer to be my own boss or work for someone else?
224. What are three things on my bucket list?
225. What are my biggest insecurities?
226.
How do you know when I’m nervous?
227. How do you know when something is bothering me?
228. When do I get jealous?
229. Would I like more time or more money?
230. Do I believe in life on other planets?
231. Do I believe in ghosts?
232. What trip has most affected my life?
233. What experience has had the most impact on the way I think?
234. What experience changed my life?
235. What is one of my biggest regrets?
236. Am I religious?
237. Who do I go to for advice when I need it?
238. What’s my favorite childhood memory?
239. What’s my worst memory?
240. Is there a story to my name? What is it?
241. What kind of work gives me the most pleasure or satisfaction?
242. What do I wish I did more of in my life?
243. What new skill would I like to learn?
244. Where is “home” to me?
245. What’s one job I would never do?
246. What kinds of things make me angry?
247.
What do I do when I’m angry?
248. What is my favorite quote? (see love, gratitude, and growth quotes HERE)
249. What do I love about social media (Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, etc)?
250. What do I hate about social media?
How Well Do You Know Me Questions For Coworkers
These questions are perfect to ask your coworkers at work! You’ll learn much more about them, deepen relationships, and enjoy the conversation.
251. What is my favorite thing about my job?
252. Where did I work before this job?
253. Is my desk messy or clean?
254. Am I a goal-oriented person?
255. What motivates me at work?
256. Do I have any pet peeves at work?
257. What’s my favorite time of day?
258. How do I like to unwind after a long day? (See these 100 self-care ideas)
259. Do I listen to music while I work?
260. What music genre do I like best?
261.
If I had 10 million dollars, would I still work? What would I do?
262. What’s my dream car?
263. What’s my dream vacation?
264. Am I a person who’s always on time, early, or late?
265. What does my family life look like?
266. What’s my favorite workday lunch?
267. What’s one material possession I could not live without?
268. Where would I like to be in 5 or 10 years?
269. What was my favorite thing to learn about when I was young?
270. What is my biggest priority outside of work?
271. Do I enjoy traveling?
272. What am I afraid of at work? (public speaking, etc.)
273. When was the last time I got out of my comfort zone?
274. What’s a skill I’ve been working on at work?
275. What’s something I’m proud of accomplishing at work?
276. What do I eat for breakfast on workdays?
277. Have I ever met anyone famous?
278. What’s one thing I’m good at?
279. What’s one thing I’m bad at?
280.
Do I want to live where I live now for the rest of my life?
281. Am I a coffee drinker? How do I like my coffee?
282. What’s the last personal development course I took? (or lunch and learn, etc.)
283. What’s the last book I read?
284. What has been my biggest challenge (at work or in life)?
285. Do I workout?
286. Am I an animal person? Do I have any pets?
287. Do I believe there’s such a thing as too much ambition?
288. What’s my favorite thing to do on the weekend?
289. What do I think makes a good boss?
290. What tv show have I recently watched?
291. Do I have a side hustle?
292. Do I have any passionate hobbies?
293. Who do I consider to be a personal mentor?
294. Who do I consider to be the most influential person of our time?
295. What do I think work/life balance should look like?
296. Am I a morning person or a night owl?
297. When extra money comes my way, what do I like to spend it on?
298.
What do I listen to on my commute to work?
299. What’s my all-time favorite movie?
300. When would I like to retire?
301. What would I like to do when I retire?
To Consider With Get to Know You Questions
There you have it! How well do you know me questions for just about everyone!
Quiz those you love and use this game to really deepen your relationships and what you know about those you care about.
What are your favorite do u know me questions? I’d love to know what get’s the conversation flowing in your home!
For more helpful posts & resources, see:
- Ultimate list of get to know you questions: everything you could possibly need!
- Easy & Healthy Ways to Reward Yourself: No more self-sabotage!
- Free Encouraging Notes for Kids: Free notes to stick in backpacks, under pillows, and more!
Ultimate Quiz List of About Me Questions
How Well Do You Know Me Quiz
If you are looking for a HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME quiz to test your family and friends , you have come to the right place!
Hey my friend,
Let me guess…over the course of your life you spend a lot of time with your family and your friends but how well do they really know you?
Have you ever looked at someone and silently asked:
Seriously, how well do you know me?
Well today you can put them to the test.
I have compiled for you the best and simplest 200 questions to ask your family and friends to test their knowledge of you.
Be prepared for a little fun!
The good news is these questions cover the most of basic stuff (nothing too tricky or complicated here!) so if your friends and family aren’t privy to this information about you then it is about time that they were!
Without further ado, here is our HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME QUIZ:
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME QUESTIONS FAMILY STUFF
1 – What year was I born?
2 – What city was I born?
3 – Where did I grow up?
4 – Do I have a middle name?
5 – Who was I named after?
6 – How many siblings do I have?
7 – What are my sibling’s names?
8 – Which sibling did I get along with best?
9 – What is my mom’s name?
10 – What is my dad’s name?
11 – What is/was my dad’s occupation?
12 – What is/was my mom’s occupation?
13 – Where are my parents from?
14 – Who was my favorite parent growing up?
15 – Who was the stricter parent?
16 – How many first cousins do I have?
17 – Who is my favorite cousin?
18 – Do I have any nieces or nephews?
19 – Is my family religious?
20 – Did I have to go to church?
21 – How many times did I move houses before the age of 18?
22 – Have I ever lived overseas?
23 – Was my family comfortable or did we struggle with money?
24 – Was I naughty or well-behaved as a kid?
25 – Did our family have any traditions?
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME QUESTIONS SCHOOL STUFF
26 – What primary school did I go to?
27 – What high school did I go to?
28 – What was my favorite subject at school?
29 – What was my least favorite subject at school?
30 – What sports did I play growing up?
31 – What sports do I like playing now?
32 – How did I go at school (grade-wise)?
33 – How old was I when I graduated high school?
34 – What year did I graduate high school?
35 – Did I do any further education?
36 – Have I ever gone to a school reunion?
37 – Have I ever failed a subject?
38 – Did I win any awards?
39 – Do I still keep in touch with any of my childhood friends?
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME QUESTIONS CHILDHOOD STUFF
40 – Have I ever broken any bones?
41 – Have I ever been to hospital?
42 – Did I play any musical instruments?
43 – Am I allergic to anything?
44 – How old was I when I first went on a plane?
45 – Did I ever go to camp?
46 – Did I get pocket money as a child?
47 – Did I ever perform onstage?
48 – Did I go to a private or public school?
49 – Did I have to share a bedroom with a sibling?
50 – Did I have a happy childhood?
51 – Was I good at making friends?
52 – Did I enjoy doing schoolwork?
53 – Did I play outside?
54 – What was my favorite toy?
55 – How was I punished at home if I misbehaved?
56 – Have I ever had chicken pox?
57 – Have I ever had the measles or mumps?
58 – What was my favorite cartoon?
59 – How many phones did my childhood home have?
60 – How many bathrooms did my childhood home have?
61 – Did I have any pets?
62 – Did we eat dinner together as a family every night?
63 – Did I know my neighbors?
64 – Did I ever have a babysitter or nanny?
65 – Did I ever stay at home alone?
66 – Was I ever physically punished?
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME QUESTIONS TEEN/YOUNG ADULT STUFF
67 – How old was I when I had my first kiss?
68 – How old was I when I had my first boyfriend/girlfriend?
69 – Have I ever had my heartbroken?
70 – How old was I when I had my first alcoholic drink?
71 – What was my first part-time job?
72 – What was my first car?
73 – How old was I when I moved out of home?
74 – How many serious relationships have I had?
75 – Have I ever been arrested?
76 – Have I ever shoplifted?
77 – Have I ever being expelled or suspended from school?
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME QUESTIONS FAVORITE STUFF
78 – What is my favorite book?
79 – What is my favorite movie?
80 – What is my favorite TV show?
81 – What is my favorite color?
82 – What is my favorite song?
83 – Who is my favorite singer?
84 – Who is my favorite actress?
85 – Who is my favorite actor?
86 – What is my favorite food?
87 – What is my favorite drink?
88 – What is my favorite dessert?
89 – What is my favorite ice-cream flavor?
90 – What is my favorite fruit?
91 – What is my favorite vegetable?
92 – What is my favorite pizza topping?
93 – What is my favorite season?
94 – What is my favorite flower?
95 – What is my favorite sleeping position?
96 – What is my favorite fairytale?
97 – Who is my favorite celebrity crush?
98 – What is my favorite exercise?
99 – What is my favorite body part?
100 – What is my favorite smell?
101 – What is my favorite 80s movie?
102 – What is my favorite animal?
103 – What is my favorite sport to watch live?
104 – What is my favorite one-hit wonder?
105 – What is my favorite beach?
106 – What is my favorite boy’s name?
107 – What is my favorite girl’s name?
108 – What is my favorite way to relax?
109 – What was my favorite age to be?
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME QUESTIONS DO I PREFER?
110 – Cats or dogs?
111 – Chocolate or cake?
112 – Pizza or cheeseburger?
113 – Tea or coffee?
114 – Beach or pool?
115 – Bus or train?
116 – Pink or blue?
117 – Quiet or loud?
118 – Sleep in or wake up early?
119 – Hot or cold?
120 – Shower or bath?
121 – Watching movies or listening to music?
122 – Sunrise or sunset?
123 – Black or white?
124 – Math or science?
125 – Night or day?
126 – Comedy or horror?
127 – Sweet or savory?
128 – Clean-freak or messy?
129 – Jeans or trackpants?
130 – City or country life?
131 – Camera shy or camera hog?
132 – Nexflix or YouTube?
133 – Laundry or dishes?
134 – To swear or not swear?
135 – Rainy days or sunshine?
136 – Following the rules or breaking the rules?
137 – Facebook or Instagram?
138 – Twitter or Snapchat?
139 – Waking to an alarm or without an alarm?
140 – Pro-choice or pro-life?
141 – Pro-gay marriage or against gay marriage?
142 – Prenuptial agreement or no-prenuptial agreement?
143 – Overdressed or underdressed?
144 – Optimist or pessimist?
145 – Talking or listening?
146 – A live-in chef or a live-in cleaner?
147 – Olympic medal or Academy Award?
148 – Change the future or change the past?
149 – Be your own boss or work for someone else?
150 – More time or more money?
151 – Spider or snake?
152 – Hawaii or Italy?
153 – Always lose or never play?
154 – Bungee jump or skydive?
155 – Fiction or non-fiction book?
156 – Rock climb or scuba dive?
157 – Movie alone or dinner alone?
158 – Good news first or bad news first?
159 – Break the law or break a heart?
160 – To have a twin brother or a twin sister?
161 – Be angry or be worried?
162 – Massage or facial?
163 – Visit New York or Los Angeles?
164 – Work in a toy factory or chocolate factory?
165 – Vote or no vote?
166 – Believe in life on other planets or not?
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW ME QUESTIONS CURRENT STATS STUFF
167 – What is my shoe size?
168 – What is my dress size?
169 – How tall am I in inches/centimetres?
170 – Am I right handed or left handed?
171 – Do I have any birthmarks/significant scars?
172 – What is my zodiac sign?
173 – What is my pet peeve?
174 – What is my worst habit?
175 – Do I have any fears?
176 – Do I have any regrets?
177 – Do I have any tattoos?
178 – If I had to pick my five favorite friends, who would I pick?
179 – Who is my closest friend?
180 – Am I an extrovert or introvert?
181 – Do I like to spend or save money?
182 – What is my dream vacation?
183 – What color are my eyes?
184 – What is my comfort go-to food?
185 – If I could live anywhere else in this world, where would I live?
186 – Do I think men and women can be just friends?
187 – How many kids do I want?
188 – What is my least favorite household chore?
189 – If I could have any superpower, what would I choose?
190 – Who is the most famous person I have ever met?
191 – Do I believe in ghosts?
192 – Do I believe in afterlife?
193 – If I am in trouble who would I go to for advice?
194 – What is my best achievement?
195 – How do I handle stress?
196 – What makes me laugh?
197 – If I could be fluent in another language, what would I pick?
198 – Name one thing on my bucket list.
199 – Name one personal goal I’m working towards.
200 – If home is where the heart is, where do I call HOME?
So were there any surprises here?
Were you surprised to discover that your friends and family don’t know quite as much about you as you initially suspected?
If so, no worries!
Humans all are much deeper than we appear to be on the surface and I do hope these questions have sparked new conversations that foster closer relationships between you and your loved ones..
Much love,
Frances Vidakovic xx
Before you go…
- If you are curious about how you can make your life instantly better, I have a great cheatsheet here for you.
- If you’d love me as your private life coach check out THE DREAMING TO DOING COACHING EXPERIENCE
- If you want to improve your parenting skills dramatically check out BE A BETTER PARENT IN 30 DAYS.
- If you want to learn how to manage your mind to get any result you want out of life check out THE MANAGING YOUR MIND MASTER COURSE
- You can listen to the Dream Big My Friend podcast here on Spotify or via Apple Podcasts.
- All my other courses (more than 40!) can be found here in my Inspiring Life Teachable store.
- Finally if you want to stay in touch feel free to join our INSPIRING LIFE TRIBE for your weekly dose of inspiration. The mere fact that you are here right now means you would be perfect fit!
RELATED POSTS:
>> 50 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR KIDS >> 200 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR PARENTS >> 200 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR PARTNER/SPOUSE >> 150 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF
Frances Vidakovic
With a degree in psychology, Frances Vidakovic is a certified life coach for goal getters, author of 20+ books, host of the Dream Big My Friend podcast and course creator.
Her superpower: transforming moms from dreamers into doers. Frances has been featured on various platforms, including Scary Mommy, Thrive Global, Medium and SBS Radio.
Test. How well do you know your child?
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Any dad is sure that he is well aware of the desires, aspirations and dreams of his own child. The reason for this delusion is a pardonable stereotype of thinking: if you have been living side by side with a person for more than a year, and besides, you have been watching him from his very birth, then you should already know everything about him. However, in reality, it usually turns out that the only thing you are right about the needs and aspirations of your child is his favorite type of junk food from the menu of the fast food restaurant closest to your home.
The following test, of course, will not help you fill in the missing knowledge about your own child, but it will show exactly what you do not know about him.
And this, consider, is already half the battle.
The "Unfinished Sentences" test was developed by American psychologists Joseph Sachs and Sidney Levy back in the 1950s and has been regularly used to analyze the relationships of family members ever since. The methodology is based on a simple principle: if a person is asked a question to which there is no single right answer, the subject has more opportunities to reveal his inner world.
There are many variations of the Sachs-Levi test, we have chosen a paired version for you. Questions must be answered by you and your child.
“This technique has a psychotherapeutic effect,” our consultant, psychologist of the “We” family center, candidate of psychological sciences Daria Borisova suddenly enters the conversation. “The test will allow you to painlessly identify existing problems in your relationship with your child.”
Thank you for the reply from the floor, Daria, but for now we can manage on our own! And we'll call you when it's time to interpret the results.
To take the test, you will need a child of 7-18 years old (if your offspring is younger, sorry, the method is designed for individuals who have reached a more or less conscious age) and two sheets of paper to write down your answers.
Questions, as not only an adult, but even a toddler will understand from the name of the test, are unfinished sentences that must be completed. The sentences are formulated on behalf of the child and addressed to you. That is, “I dream that you ...” means “I dream that my dad ...”.
Explain the task to the child in approximately the following terms: “Write what you would like to tell me. To do this, complete the sentences in your own words. Answer quickly and without hesitation. Whatever comes to your mind first, then write.
We will explain your task in the following terms: imagine that you are your own child, and complete the sentences with words that you think he will also write. Reply quickly, without hesitation or distraction to look at your smartphone and check if there is anything new on Facebook (an extremist organization banned in Russia) or in your email inbox.
The test should be taken in a calm environment. Excessive giggles and fun will hurt. Therefore, no red clown noses and beating on the head with an inflatable hammer! Explain to the child that he should take filling in the gaps with the same seriousness with which he approaches the completion of homework given in school. In addition, pressure and goading should be completely excluded from your side (“So! Sit down and write! And you will receive the antidote when you answer all the questions!”).
And one more thing. Give the offspring a guarantee that his answers will in no case be used against him.
That's it! For business!
1. I am happy when you…
2. I wish you…
3. I get angry when you…
4. I hope that we are together…
5. I like it when you…
6. I get offended when you…
7. I really want you and me…
8. It annoys me if you…
9. I’m scared if you…
10. I’m sorry that you never…
11.
I respect you for… 12. I get upset if you…
13. I appreciate in you…
14. I am grateful to you for…
Now that you both completed the task, add up the points. For each matching answer, you get one point. Keep your child close at hand to resolve any doubts that arise. For example, if you have written “I get angry when you, without sparing yourself, make sure that I eat right”, and he says “I get angry when you finish the cake you started at night and leave nothing for me in the morning”, specify do you mean the same thing. If yes, then it is one point. The difference in wording is not critical, but in controversial cases, ask the child if the difference in your answers is fundamental. For the main arbiter here, of course, he is.
If some of the sentences remain incomplete, do not return the sheet to the child for revision. In this case, silence is more important than an answer that you can pull out by force. But more on that later. In the meantime, read what the results say about you.
So,
You have more than 12 points
Don't rush to enjoy the points you have earned. However, let's leave the floor to the expert.
“This result is typical for a situation where there is so much excessive parental love that it already causes a dependent relationship,” our consultant Daria Borisova shakes her head disapprovingly. - With an overprotective father, it is difficult for a child to be himself and have his own opinion. Usually his point of view is completely the same as yours. If you are in conflict, the child takes the exact opposite position. In other words, even here he is dependent on you, because he simply acts out of spite.
So, although high test scores at first glance show that you know your heir more than well, in reality it turns out that the child's answers were imposed on you. It was you who guided him.
Too close boundaries in communication between you and the child are fraught with the fact that, having become older, he will still be dependent on you.
Naturally, this is not the worst situation (a wounded stegosaurus escaping from a cloning institute is much worse), but we don’t need another uninitiated and infantile member of society. In the future, you will have to cough for a long time and look meaningfully at the clock until the hint reaches him that it is time for him to pack up and leave. Still, at 42, it would be time to dump and live separately from your parents!
“But everything can be fixed. Begin to increase the gap in communication with the child. Let me squeeze between you and other people. “Don't close on each other. Send your child to visit more often, encourage friendship with peers, Daria advises. - If there is an opportunity to entrust the education of a nanny or grandparents, use it. A sports section or circle will work well, where the child will have another adult, to whom he will be obliged to obey. Only when each of you have your own needs, interests, and even secrets from each other, will your communication become complete.
You have 10-12 points
Look at the approval Mrs. Borisova looks at you with!
“We have the norm,” she comments on your result. - Even if the father does not know everything about the child thoroughly, it is clear that he is trying to get to know him, and most importantly, he accepts him as he is. Conflicts that arise are resolved jointly. The child learns to make decisions independently and work in a team. This is the ideal relationship between fathers and children.”
Daria also added that the position you have taken in communicating with your child indicates a high level of development of your social intelligence.
Just don't let your wife know about this, or she'll tell her friends, and their husbands will end up hating you, tired of listening to you being set as an example to them.
Still, there is no time to rest on our laurels and relax. Do not even dream that everything will be just as good for you in the future.
“A child,” emphasizes our consultant, “always develops faster than you have time to understand and get to know him.
”
So many conflicts await you and him in the future.
You have less than 10 points
Welcome to the Bad Dad Club! However, not the worst ones, since you took this test. Most likely, a low result is associated with a lack of emotional contact between you and the child. And hence your hidden grievances and protracted conflicts with him.
The quality of your communication leaves much to be desired. It seems that if you don't disappear at work, you disappear in the garage, on the Internet, in the fifth season of the series. As a result, both of you are unaware of each other's needs. You gave him a glockenspiel for his birthday, and he wanted a metal detector.
Or maybe it's because you're divorced and he lives with his mother. Keep in mind that a daily Skype chat will not replace a weekly meeting.
“The Skype conversation is formal,” our consultant clarifies. - You smile, ask how you are, and that's it. And this is the ersatz of relationships.
With live communication, there are much more opportunities to convey your experience to a child, to teach him something, to learn something about him that you do not know.
Reread your answers. With a high degree of probability, your secret dreams about the “right family” are projected in them. You wrote about how a child should be, not about what he is. And if you slip mentions of expensive gifts and trips with which you shower your child, then this, according to Daria, is a clear sign of your attempt to atone for your guilt before him for lack of attention.
The way out is trivially simple: systematic joint activity. It can be anything - from playing the fool to playing the fool. In other words, only your imagination and your free time can be the limit.
Stay with us!
Now that you have looked at the big picture, let's move on to the consideration of small but important details.
The 15 test sentences you completed are divided into three groups:
1
Items 3, 6, 8, 9, 12 relate to conflicts, fears, etc.
(Scale of negative emotions)
2
Items 1, 5, 11, 13, 15 describe sympathy, gratitude, and so on. (Scale of positive emotions)
3
Items 2, 4, 7, 10, 14 are responsible for plans and prospects. (Relationship Prediction Scale)
Look at which scale you disagree with the child's answers the most and find out what is wrong with you.
Scale of negative emotions
Do you remember we mentioned that a sentence left unfinished is no less eloquent than a finished one? Avoiding the question indicates that he touched a nerve.
“By the way, joking, fantasizing or formal replies that obviously do not correspond to reality are the same evasion from a direct answer,” adds Ms. Borisova.
Although omissions can occur at any point, special attention should be paid to the scale of negative emotions. They are the most suppressed. As a result, the child is in prolonged emotional stress, which weakens his nervous system and harms his health more than the cigarettes you found on him and your belt punishing them.
Daria Borisova sees three main reasons for evading answers:
1. The child is afraid that he will blurt out something wrong and you will punish him. This happens with an overprotective father. After all, dad is always right.
2. The child is afraid to upset you. He has no experience in sharing experiences with you.
3. The child is already desperate that you will ever understand him (this is typical for older children, from 13 years old).
We have already dealt with the overprotective dad, so let's move on to the second and third cases. Since it is not always possible to draw a clear dividing line between them, we will offer several general solutions.
If you have an authoritarian style of government in your family, you are classified as "inflexible" parents. Such fathers are guided by clear stereotypes of how a child should behave in a given situation. You could inherit these rigid attitudes from your own authoritarian parent or develop them as a result of evolution: for example, you occupy a leading position in an organization and are used to commanding, or maybe you are a military man and think only in terms of orders.
Be that as it may, give the child the command "at ease."
Daria offers to play games with her offspring that give you equal opportunities. It is clear that you can put a much larger light bulb in your mouth than he can, but will you be able to beat him behind the console in the game "Fizruki vs. Trudoviks - 3: A New Hope"? Your loss or a worthy draw will make the child feel that you are not always dominant - you are sometimes an ordinary sub-superhuman.
Do not miss the chance to praise the child, emphasizing the virtues that you yourself are deprived of: “Wow! I didn’t know how to swim at your age!”, “Wow! At your age, I was not yet as old as you!”, “Wow! Uh... Well, I don't know! Come up with something yourself! You are much more talented than me at my age.”
If you adhere to democratic principles in the family, then, apparently, none of you simply learned to give feedback at the time of conflict. Does a child tell you with anguish that he is boiling only when you get him completely, and not casually, calmly and on an equal footing? Well, we were not mistaken with the diagnosis.
“In the psychology of communication, “feedback” means a number of rules that allow you to express your attitude to the behavior of another so that he is not offended and something changes in the direction you need,” Daria patiently explains. - The rules are simple. First, you need to sort things out immediately after the incident. Secondly, before you say something bad, first say something good. Thirdly, you should express your feelings about what happened, and not evaluate the one whose fault it happened. And fourthly, the conversation must take place without witnesses.
Let's explain with an example. Let's take the most common and ordinary situation: let's say your son knocked up a chemistry teacher. (The author of the article lives in Biryulyovo, and there, judging by his stories, such things happen all the time. - Note ed. ) Here's what you should say to him: “Son! Your chemist just called… In short, you have a wonderful fertility! But I shudder at the thought that in a couple of years I will have to beat the threshold, arranging my grandson in a kindergarten.
“Sorry dad! I forgot that we live in Biryulyovo, and here there is a wild shortage of kindergartens!”
Finally, let's dwell on the option when your answers did not match because the child wrote a harsh truth-womb, and you, on the contrary, mumbled some nonsense. Daria thinks it's still great. It turns out that your offspring has the opportunity to be absolutely frank with you! And what is important, he himself can sort out his negative feelings and express them. All that is required of you is to talk with your child more often so that there are no unresolved conflicts between you.
Scale of positive emotions
Memorize the child's responses to the items on this scale. They are your cheat code to his heart. Everything that he really needs from you, everything that he likes in communicating with you - everything is here.
However, you should be on your guard and sigh sadly if your answers are dominated by consumer interests (money, gifts, foreign pleasure trips).
“This is a sign of rental attitudes in communicating with you,” testifies Mrs. Borisova.
You should try to direct your relationship in the right direction of eternal values. It is quite difficult to explain to a child who is driven to school every morning by a personal driver that money is not the main thing. Of course, you can hire a professor of philosophy to come to your house and give your heir a persuasive lecture on the subject, but this somehow undermines the very idea of the importance of the simple pleasures of life.
Oh well. All the same, activity is more useful than conversations. Therefore, it will be possible to make it clear to the child that not everything can be bought, it will be possible only in old-fashioned ways: to go on a hike, where he will have to cut wood chips for a fire with a pre-sharpened Visa Gold card, or start making something with him with his own hands. The main thing is that your activities should be joint. The emphasis should not fall on "I help dad by giving a screwdriver," but on "my dad and I still broke the dishwasher.
"
If there is no consumerism in the child's answers, but only attitudes ("I like it when you come home early") - rejoice. You have true friendship!
Relationship Prediction Scale
Missing answers are a sign of a crisis in your relationship.
“The desire to evade specifics may be due to lingering resentment or prolonged controversy. His silence about the future is evidence that he has already stopped hoping for help from you, ”Daria is sure.
Unrealistic plans indicate that the child has a desire to be with you, but no idea how to spend time. That's why the fantasy kicks in. As in most cases, the way out of this situation is the same: find joint entertainment.
Plans for the distant future mean that the child feels the need for you, but he does not have confidence in the realization of desire. Cause? You rarely get together! Communication deficiency is treated in only one way, which is too banal to again - for the umpteenth time? - to mention.
But if you didn't guess, reread the last sentence of the previous paragraph.
And finally. Do not ignore the child's realistic and quite feasible plans for the near future. The child tells you about his actual needs, which you can give. Dreams are beautiful when they come true.
Boleslav Huppka
Egor Golopolosov
Tags
- psychology
How well do you know your child? Test for parents
/ Family and children: useful advice to a man. Relationships and psychology Leave a comment 831 Views
Are you sure? Good. So be it. But we still prepared a test that will tell you the truth.
If you take any young father, he will definitely say that he knows how his child lives, what preferences and desires he has. Such an opinion arises due to a special way of thinking: living for many years with someone and watching how his development takes place, it is not difficult for you to confidently say that you know all his thoughts.
But in reality it turns out that you do not know much. Your knowledge is correct about the unhealthy food he enjoys eating when he visits a nearby fast food restaurant.
This test will, of course, not answer questions about your child's wishes. However, this will allow you to understand how well you know what your offspring “breathes”. And this information will bring you half a step closer to the main goal.
The Incomplete Sentences test was developed by psychologists Sidney Levy and Joseph Sachs. They created their creation in the 50s. twentieth century, and since that time it has been successfully used to assess the relationships that develop within the same family. This technique is based on the following principle: if you turn to a participant with a question that does not have a clear answer, the person will have a chance to look deeper into his inner world.
The Sachs-Levy test itself provides for a large number of options. We offer you one in which you and your child can participate.
Daria Borisova is another specialist in psychology, and even with a degree. She works as a psychologist at the We family center. Daria notices that this technique has a psychotherapeutic effect. With the help of the test, you can easily find out if you have any difficulties in your relationship with your child. But we will call Daria when we need to explain the test results.
Your child must be around 7-18 years old to take the test. You will need a couple of sheets of paper to record your answers on.
It is clear from the name of the test that it offers unfinished sentences. Therefore, your task is to complete them. These sentences imply the appeal of your child to you. In other words: the phrase "I dream that you ..." should be understood as "I dream that my dad ...".
To make it easier for the child to understand the essence of the test, use the following expressions: “you need to write what if you were addressing me. Come up with an ending for all sentences.
Don't spend too much time thinking. Write what comes to your mind first.
As for you, the task can be described as follows: put yourself in the place of your child and write together with them the missing phrases in sentences that your child would pick up. Do not try to think for a long time, be as focused as possible and write down your first thoughts that you have on this subject.
Complete silence must be ensured during the test. Take this event seriously. Don't try to turn it into a joke. You have to convey to the child that he must also responsibly fulfill this text, as if his homework assigned at school. And no coercion. Try to explain to him that this is important. Say that his answers must be sincere, and for them there will be no punishment on your part.
So, everything is ready. Let's get started!
Contents:
Test
After successful completion of the test, proceed to scoring. If your answer agrees with the answer of the child, you have one point .
Do not let the child go far: perhaps some answers will require clarification. Let's say if your answer is "I'm angry when you pay close attention to how well I eat," and your child "I'm angry when you eat a pack of ice cream overnight and leave nothing in the morning," find out if you have invested they have the same meaning. If so, feel free to add one more point. The fact that your answers sound different is not so important. If in doubt, ask the offspring if he wanted to say that you did too. After all, the main thing here is what kind of answer HE will give.
Your child may not be able to complete certain sentences. Then you should not give him back the sheet with answers to complete them. It would be better for him to refrain from them than for you to force him to give answers. Now it's time to find out what the final results mean.
You have more than 12 points
It's too early to rejoice. Let's see what the expert Daria Borisova says:
“A similar result is to say that parents take care of their child so much that it makes them dependent on each other.
If dad shows excessive love, then the child no longer feels independent, as he is helped in everything. Most of the time, he thinks the same as you. In the event of a conflict situation, the child has the opposite opinion. In other words, he is completely under your control, because. trying to act out of spite."
So if you get high marks on a test, don't be happy that you know everything about your child. He only does everything according to your instructions.
If a child is too close to his parents, then, having matured, it will be difficult for him to make his own decisions. Of course, worse things happen, but it is unlikely that society will be happy to accept another uninitiated and infantile person into its ranks. Over the years, you will again resort to verbal hints in the form of a cough so that he understands that he needs to leave. Yet, when a person is 42 years old, he must be independent and live his own life.
“However, there is a way out.
Try to gradually less communicate with the child. Let other people enter his circle of acquaintances. You should not refuse to expand friendly ties. Let the child go to visit, and you rejoice that close friends have appeared among his peers. If you are able to entrust his upbringing to a nanny or your parents, do not refuse such a chance. A sports section or circle will have a positive effect, because there the child will have to communicate with an adult whom he will have to obey. The conversation between you will become complete, provided that you and your child will have their own personal needs, interests, and, most likely, secrets from each other.
You have 10-12 points
You are the perfect dad for Mrs. Borisova.
“Such a father corresponds to the norm. Although he does not know some points about his child, he nevertheless makes efforts to achieve this. Most importantly, he does not try to change the child to the ideal. If conflict situations arise between them, they try to resolve them by common efforts.
The child develops the ability to make decisions on his own and work in a team. This is how the relationship between fathers and their children should be.”
We also learned from Daria that your approach to building a relationship with a child speaks of your high awareness and foresight at the level of society. But you should not share this with your wife, because her friends will find out about it from her, and then for their husbands you will become the most unpleasant person in the world, as they will bring you as an exemplary parent every now and then.
However, don't think that you will continue to be all right and that you can relax.
“Child development is very fast. Therefore, you need to continue to maintain the relationship at the same level, without ceasing to be interested in the child.
So be ready - after a while, many conflicts will arise between you.
You have less than 10 points
With such results, you can only be glad that there is one more member in the Bad Dads Club.
Although, maybe not everything is so bad, because you bothered to participate in the test. It can be assumed that the whole point is the lack of interaction between you on an emotional level. This explains the emergence of hidden grievances and conflicts that have continued for a long time.
Nothing good can be said about the quality of your communication. If you are not busy from morning to evening at work, then, most likely, you are deprived of the opportunity to be with your child by the garage, the Internet, or the next season of your favorite series. Therefore, it is logical to expect that each of you does not know what each other's needs are. You thought that he would be happy to receive a metallophone for his birthday, when in fact he would have been more happy with a metal detector.
It is possible that this could be influenced by the situation with the divorce, because of which he has to live with his mother. Keep in mind that he will be happy to meet you in person at least once a week more than your daily Skype communication.
