How to tell if a child is being mentally abused

What Is Emotional Abuse & Things You Should Know

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What is emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse is any type of abuse that involves the continual emotional mistreatment of a child. It's sometimes called psychological abuse. Emotional abuse can involve deliberately trying to scare, humiliate, isolate or ignore a child.

Emotional abuse is often a part of other kinds of abuse, which means it can be difficult to spot the signs or tell the difference, though it can also happen on its own.

Types of emotional abuse

Emotional abuse includes:

humiliating or constantly criticising a child
threatening, shouting at a child or calling them names
making the child the subject of jokes, or using sarcasm to hurt a child
blaming and scapegoating
making a child perform degrading acts
not recognising a child's own individuality or trying to control their lives
pushing a child too hard or not recognising their limitations
exposing a child to upsetting events or situations, like domestic abuse or drug taking
failing to promote a child's social development
not allowing them to have friends
persistently ignoring them
being absent
manipulating a child
never saying anything kind, expressing positive feelings or congratulating a child on successes
never showing any emotions in interactions with a child, also known as emotional neglect.

If a child reveals abuse

A child who is being emotionally abused might not realise what's happening is wrong. And they might even blame themselves. If a child talks to you about emotional abuse it's important to:

listen carefully to what they're saying
let them know they've done the right thing by telling you
tell them it's not their fault
say you'll take them seriously
don't confront the alleged abuser
explain what you'll do next
report what the child has told you as soon as possible.

Report abuse

Call us on 0808 800 5000, email [email protected] or fill in our online form.

Effects of emotional abuse

Over time, emotional abuse and neglect can have serious long term effects on a child's social, emotional and physical health and development. This includes:

Emotional abuse can change how a child behaves, such as:

wanting attention or becoming clingy
not caring how they act or what happens to them
trying to make people dislike them
developing risky behaviour, like stealing, bullying or running away.

Emotional abuse can affect a child's emotional development, including:

feeling, expressing and controlling emotions
lacking confidence or causing anger problems
finding it difficult to make and maintain healthy relationships later in life
higher levels of depression and health problems as adults compared to those who experienced other types of child abuse.

Emotional abuse of child or young person can increase the risk of:

mental health problems, including depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts
eating disorders
self-harm
language development
problems forming healthy relationships.

Who's at risk

Any child, from any background, can be at risk of emotional abuse. But some are more vulnerable than others.

Children who are emotionally abused are often suffering another type of abuse or neglect at the same time – but this isn't always the case.

When a family is going through a tough time, parents and carers might find it difficult to provide a safe and loving home for their children. This can happen when families are experiencing:

relationship problems
family arguments
money problems or unemployment
mental health issues
poverty
addiction to drugs or alcohol
domestic abuse.

Support

For parents

It’s important to keep children safe from emotional abuse. But you also might be facing the same issues, perhaps from a partner or family member. The organisations below can offer you support and advice.

Relate
0300 003 0396
You can talk to Relate about your relationship, including issues around emotional abuse.
National Domestic Violence Helpline
0808 2000 247
A 24 hour free helpline run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge.
Men's Advice Line
0808 801 0327
Advice and support for men experiencing domestic violence and abuse.
National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline
0800 999 5428
Emotional and practical support for LGBT+ people experiencing domestic abuse.

We're here to support you, no matter your worry. Call us on 0808 800 5000, email [email protected] or fill in our online form.

For children and young people

It’s important to remember that emotional abuse is often a big part of domestic abuse. Our Domestic Abuse, Revovering Together (DART™) is a therapeutic service for mothers and children who have experienced domestic abuse.

Find out more about all our services for children, including how to get in touch with ones in your area.

The Hide Out, created by Women's Aid, is a space to help children and young people understand abuse. It also helps them learn how to take positive action.

How Childline can help

Children and young people can get support from Childline if they're facing emotional abuse or if they're worried about a friend or family member. Childline also has lots of helpful advice about emotional abuse on their website, including why it happens and what they can do. Calls to 0800 1111 are free and confidential. Children can also contact Childline online.

Help if you're worried about your behaviour

If you are, or think you might be, emotionally abusing a member of your family, there's help available.

You can call us for information and advice on 0808 800 5000, email [email protected] or fill in our online form.

Respect offers information, advice and support to perpetrators of abuse.

Call Respect – People living in England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland can call for free on 0808 802 4040 (Monday – Friday 9am-5pm).
Email Respect – You can email Respect on [email protected]. They aim to reply to emails within two working days.
Chat online – Respect have a webchat service available on Tuesdays and Thursdays 10am-4pm.

Help us make a difference

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Get involved

More support for you and your child

Emotional abuse

It can be hard to know what emotional abuse is. We’ve got advice on the signs, effects and how to report it.

Find out more

Physical abuse

If you're worried about physical abuse, we have information and advice to help you feel confident in taking the next steps to keep children and young people safe.

Find out more

Neglect

Neglect can be hard to spot. We've got advice on the types and signs of neglect and what you can do if you’re worried about a child.

Find out more

Emotional Abuse: Warning Signs We Often Miss

Emotional abuse often goes unnoticed because it leaves no visible scars. In honor of Child Abuse Prevention Month, today I’m sharing my experience with emotional abuse. I’ve also included warning signs of emotional abuse in children.

I could hear her screaming downstairs through my closed bedroom door. She was in another one of her rages and I was her target. “You don’t do anything around here! You are lazy and nasty. All you do is read and waste the electricity!” I tried to tune her out. However, every word she said cut through me like a dagger. I wanted to disappear to a place where her words couldn’t hurt. A place where I was loved and wanted.

Occurrences like this happened on a regular basis when I was a child. No one thing would set my mother off. Sometimes it was because she didn’t like how I did a chore. Other times it was because she didn’t like my attitude. Sadly, I believed the mean things my mother said about me. After all, she is my mother. It never dawned on me that what she was doing was emotional abuse.

According to Prevent Child Abuse America, emotional abuse is a pattern of maltreatment by parents or caregivers that leads to impaired psychological growth and development. Abusers constantly reject, ignore, belittle, dominate, and criticize their victims. This is more than just a parent having a bad day or using poor judgment when disciplining a child.

For example, when I misbehaved, my parents wouldn’t speak to me for MONTHS. They pretended I was invisible and would communicate with me by sending messages via my little sister. My mother would be spiteful. She would get McDonald’s and call my younger siblings to eat in her bedroom. I had to eat whatever I could find. My mom would even tell my little sister not to share with me when she tried to sneak me food.

Many people don’t believe emotional abuse is really abuse. They assume that because the wounds left behind from emotional abuse aren’t visible, it must not be that bad. This couldn’t be further from the truth. The American Humane Association states that emotional abuse “can seriously interfere with a child’s cognitive, emotional, psychological or social development.”

Additionally, research findings released in 2014 by the American Psychological Association suggest that children who are emotionally abused and neglected face similar (sometimes worse) mental health problems as children who are physically or sexually abused. The study also revealed that children who are emotionally abused suffered from “anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, symptoms of post-traumatic stress and suicidality at the same rate, and in some cases, at a greater rate than children who were physically or sexually abused.”

Although emotional abuse doesn’t leave bruises or physical scars, the following are some signs that a child may be experiencing emotional abuse. Children who are emotionally abused may:

Be clingy and constantly attention and affection seeking
Appear constantly withdrawn and sad
Have a hard time developing emotional bonds with others
Struggle to make and keep friends
Show a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem
Display sudden unexplained changes in their behavior
Show signs of sleep difficulties (getting too much or too little)
Change eating habits (eating too much or too little)
Appear depressed, scared, and/or anxious
Suddenly develop incontinence or lack of bowel control (after mastering toileting)
Behave in a manner too mature for their age
Have trouble managing their anger and may display frequent angry outbursts
Experience academic difficulties (poor grades, chronic truancy, etc).

Children don’t always talk about what’s going on in their home. Many kids are taught that whatever happens at home stays at home. Some children don’t report emotional abuse because they fear it will make the abuse worse or get their abuser in trouble. Sadly, there are also kids who believe that their parents’ emotionally abusive behaviors are the norm. These children need someone in their lives who can recognize the pain they are in so they can protect them.

If you believe that a child is being abused emotionally or otherwise, please contact your local Child Protective Services Agency. If you believe the child is in immediate danger, call 911 immediately. You can find additional information on Child Abuse Prevention Month here.

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Psychological child abuse | State Institution "Lyakhovichi Territorial Center for Social Services to the Population"

People express negative emotions in relation to others in different ways. Someone simply speaks badly about some person behind his back, and someone chooses a harsher and more unpleasant method of influence - psychological violence. Statistics show that the victim most often is not an adult, but a child. Minors are subjected to psychological violence in schools, on the street, at home. This is a very serious problem, because because of it, children's emotional behavior and development are disturbed. They have fears.

What is psychological abuse?

Psychological violence is also called emotional. This term refers to the periodic or constant insult of the child with some unpleasant words, the humiliation of his human dignity, the utterance of threats. Often, parents have formed the desired image of children. To achieve it, mothers and fathers present their children with such requirements that they are not able to fulfill due to age opportunities. This also applies to psychological abuse.

Negative attitude towards a child has very serious consequences. He ceases to be happy. He begins to suffer from his own feelings. The child withdraws into himself, loses confidence in the people around him. In the future, all this leads to problems in building relationships. Another negative consequence is low self-esteem. For example, peers at school may call a child scary, stupid. With such thoughts about himself, he grows in the future.

Problem classification into forms

What can be considered psychological abuse of a child? Experts identify several forms of this problem. Here are the main ones:

Degradation. With this form, children or adults influence a particular child with rude words, curses, name-calling, ridicule in front of other people.
Ignore. This form of violence is most often observed on the part of adults - parents. They do not pay attention to their child, they are not interested in his successes and achievements. He does not feel affection, care, love. Naturally, such an attitude depresses the child.
Repulsion. This feature of behavior is manifested by the fact that parents push their child away, constantly drive him away, that is, they make it clear that they do not need him.
Terrorization. In this form of abuse, the child is constantly threatened by something. They threaten him, make demands that are impossible at this age stage.

In various books on education, articles on psychological abuse of children, special attention is paid to isolation. This is another form of the problem. Its essence lies in various prohibitions (for example, you can’t communicate with peers, go for a walk with them). Sometimes, during isolation, parents resort to additional physical violence - they lock the child alone in an apartment, room, and sometimes even in a closet, beat him if he violates the prohibitions.

Signs of psychological abuse

When a child becomes a victim of psychological abuse, this can be guessed from certain behavioral patterns. The following signs are observed:

the child develops anxiety, excessive anxiety;

appetite is disturbed;

feeling depressed;

self-esteem decreases;

minor avoids peers, adults,

seeks to retire; sometimes, due to psychological abuse, a child develops such a character trait as aggressiveness;

sleep is disturbed due to negative emotions;

the child begins to pay less attention to studies, gets poor grades at school;

constant threats, insults, bullying by peers or adults lead to suicide attempts.

As early as childhood, psychological abuse causes health problems. Physical and mental development is delayed, enuresis, nervous tics, and obesity occur. Emotional abuse affects the brain. This ultimately causes a predisposition to various diseases:

coronary heart disease;

chronic fatigue syndrome;

oncological diseases, etc.

Domestic violence and advice to parents

Psychological violence in the family against a child occurs for various reasons.

First, parents may simply not love their child. It's terrifying. This reason simply does not fit in the head. How can you not love your own child, because he is the future of parents. Abusive moms and dads need to be talked to. Relatives also need help. If the parents do not come to their senses, then it is best for the child to live, for example, with his grandmother.

Another common reason is demands on the child. It is important to remember that you cannot force another person to do something. Requirements that are impossible to fulfill or that the child does not like can suppress the will and cause a depressed state.

Commandments of wise parents

There are 4 commandments of wise parents. They can help avoid psychological abuse of a child, because mothers and fathers do not always realize that their upbringing is wrong and leads to negative consequences.

First, never try to make the best out of your child. Not all people are the same. Each person is endowed with certain abilities and capabilities.

Secondly, do not compare your child with other children, do not reproach him for not achieving something, like some of his classmates.

Thirdly, do not threaten the child, do not blackmail him. Otherwise, you will cause him only fear, shame. Your child may think that you just do not love him.

Fourth, do not sort things out with a child in front of witnesses, even if he has done something. It is better to discuss the problem at home, find out the reason. When misbehaving, shame the child, but remember that there should be a measure in everything.

A problem at school Absolutely any child can become a victim of school bullying. The likelihood of this is greatly increased if he is calm, not too active and sociable. His offenders can be class leaders, aggressive children who have found a victim for self-affirmation or who always strive to be in the spotlight.

A child will always tell about psychological abuse if he trusts his parents. With a secretive nature, lack of trust in the family, the opposite situation is observed. The child does not share his experiences and problems with anyone. It is possible to guess that he became a victim of psychological violence at school. The presence of this problem is indicated by the following nuances:

the child does not want to go to school;

he doesn't talk about his classmates;

his things are sometimes torn or soiled;

The child returns home after school in a depressed state.

What to do if a child is abused during school

Psychological abuse of children at school is a problem that should be solved by parents together with the class teacher. The teacher, as a rule, is aware of everything that happens in the classroom. You can also talk to the mothers and fathers of the offenders. If a minor has been a victim of abuse for a long time, then the best way out is to change schools or temporarily transfer to home schooling.

If a child does not want to transfer to another school, then parents should give him some advice on how to deal with ridicule, insults:

who does this;

an effective way to deal with offenders is to show them that their unpleasant words do not hurt or upset at all;

in response to the insults of the offenders, you can simply laugh (if you demonstrate such behavior every time, then after a while, peers will simply become uninteresting in “poisoning” their victim).

Liability for child abuse in the Republic of Belarus

The legislation of the Republic of Belarus establishes several types of liability for persons who abuse a child.

Administrative responsibility. The Code of Administrative Offenses of the Republic of Belarus provides for liability for failure to perform or improper performance of duties for the maintenance, upbringing, education, protection of the rights and interests of minors - in the form of a warning or the imposition of an administrative fine.

Criminal liability. Belarusian criminal legislation provides for liability for all types of physical and sexual abuse of children, as well as for a number of articles - for mental abuse and for neglecting the basic needs of children, lack of care for them.

Civil liability. Abuse of a child may serve as a basis for bringing parents (persons replacing them) to liability in accordance with family law.

Why children become victims of adult cruelty

"The child must be protected from all forms of neglect, cruelty and exploitation." This is stated in the Declaration of the Rights of the Child, adopted on November 20, 1959. According to the World Health Organization, in 2019, about 1 billion children between the ages of 2 and 17 were physically, sexually or emotionally abused or left behind.

Experts say that childhood abuse affects a person's health and well-being throughout life.

Tatyana Mitkina, consultant of the family policy department of the Ministry of Labour, Employment and Social Development of the Arkhangelsk Region, told the employees of ANO "CISM" about why children become victims of cruel treatment by their own parents.

- How common are episodes of child abuse by parents?

- Now the state policy is focused on the preservation of childhood, but, unfortunately, cases of violence against children are quite common, the statistics in our region have not been decreasing for the last five years, in three years there have been more cases of violence by unauthorized adults. If we talk about violence from parents, then mothers began to show aggression towards children more often. We made such an observation after analyzing the situation in the Arkhangelsk region. Mostly it is about physical violence.

If we talk about who is more often subjected to violence - boys or girls - then the percentage here is approximately the same. Maybe a little more boys. Usually, boys aged 8-13 become victims of aggression, and girls are more often teenagers - 13-16 years old, when problems of parental misunderstanding begin.

- In which families do parents show violence towards children? Why is this happening?

- Many cases occur in families that outwardly look prosperous: they live in good conditions, parents work, have a normal income. It also happens in families where, for example, a mother is raising children alone, but there is no father. Parents use force not to hurt or harm the child, but use such a method as education, because they do not know other ways to influence the child. Or this happens when the parent cannot cope with emotions, in a fit of anger, commits a rash act, splashes out his indignation and dissatisfaction on the child.

- How to understand that a child in a family is subjected to psychological violence by parents?

- This is revealed in children's groups, while playing with peers. As a rule, children who are victims of psychological abuse are whiny, they try to do everything well so that they are not scolded, they avoid conflicts. If children are psychologically abused by watching their parents quarrel and yell at each other every day, they are trying to draw the attention of other adults to this problem. For example, they may say that their mom and dad drink, although this is not at all the case. Simply in this way they want to draw the attention of other people to the situation so that they can help resolve it.

- What actions of adults do specialists consider to be violence?

- These are always actions that harm the child, both physical and moral. Spanking, poking, cuffing, slapping, spanking are all variants of physical violence.

- Where can a child go for help?

- You can contact the Children's Helpline. There are also various online psychological services for children and adolescents. A child can write a letter to the post office or leave an appeal on the website of such services, and specialists will always respond and take action.

- How to help families where a child has been identified as a victim of violence?

– A social worker and an educational psychologist from social service institutions work with such families in our region. In order for the rehabilitation to be successful, it is also necessary to talk with other relatives who are the closest circle of the family. If you work only with a child in this situation, then there will be no result, since he will again return to the atmosphere that is preserved in the family.

- Is there a chance to restore balance in such families without depriving adults of parental rights?

- Yes, sure. There is a family group conference technology that always shows good results. It includes parents, children, and immediate family members. Specialists hold preliminary meetings and explanatory work with each family member, after which everyone gets together and discusses the current situation: everyone can speak out, ask questions that concern him and offer his own solution to the problem. The end result is an agreement that suits everyone. Of course, after the reconciliation of the parties, the situation in the family is still periodically monitored and directly monitored.

In addition, there is mediation technology, but it is more used when a criminal case has already been initiated, where children are the injured party, and parents are the source of violence. And here, most often, parents are the initiators of this technology, they want to understand and build a dialogue.

- How likely are children who have experienced parental abuse to be violent in their family?

- The probability is high, since the model of parental behavior they have already formed.