How to stop a child from biting at school

Biting (for Parents) - Nemours KidsHealth

Reviewed by: Shana L. Boyle, PhD

Psychology (Behavioral Health) at Nemours Children's Health

en español Hábito de morder

Toddlers do the most adorable things: Give unexpected hugs, squeal with laughter, and cuddle up to you when they're tired.

But as any parent of a toddler will tell you, they also do some not-so-adorable things, like kick, scream ... or bite.

Biting is quite common in kids this age, but it can still be rather frustrating and difficult to manage at times. There are ways to get to the bottom of your toddler's biting habit. Here's how to help curb this type of behavior.

Why Do Toddlers Bite?

Biting is very common in early childhood. Babies and toddlers bite for a variety of reasons, such as teething or exploring a new toy or object with their mouth. As they begin to understand cause-and-effect, they also might bite a person to see if they can get a reaction.

Biting also can be a way for toddlers to get attention or express how they feel. Frustration, anger, and fear are strong emotions and toddlers lack the language skills to communicate how they are feeling. Instead, they may bite as a way of saying, "Pay attention to me!" or "I don't like that!" Toddlers may also learn that biting can be used as a tool for accessing a desired item.

Biting is slightly more common in boys and tends to happen most often between the first and second birthday. As language improves, biting tends to lessen.

What Can Help Kids Stop Biting?

Parents should have a zero-tolerance rule for biting — at home, daycare, and elsewhere. If it does happen, be sure to deal with it right away.

The next time your child bites, try these steps:

Step 1: Be calm and firm. Address your child with a firm "no biting!" or "biting hurts!" Keep it simple and easy for a toddler to understand. Make it clear that biting is wrong, but avoid lengthy explanations until your child is old enough to understand. Remaining as calm as possible will help resolve the situation more quickly.
Step 2: Comfort the victim. Direct your attention to the person who has been bitten, especially if it's another child. If there is an injury, clean the area with soap and water. Get medical care if the bite is deep or bleeding.
Step 3: Comfort the biter, if need be. Often, toddlers don't realize that biting hurts. It's OK to comfort a child who feels upset about hurting someone. An older toddler might learn from being allowed to comfort or apologize to a friend after a bite. But if the biter is using the behavior to get attention, you don't want to reinforce this behavior by giving comfort and attention.
Step 4: Offer alternatives. When things have calmed down, suggest alternatives to biting, like using the words "no," "stop," and "that's mine" when wanting to communicate with others. For example, show your child how to approach a peer, put out their hand, and then say “please” to ask for an item.
Step 5: Redirect. Distraction works wonders with kids this age. If emotions and energy levels are running high or if boredom has set in, help redirect a little one's attention to a more positive activity, like dancing to music, coloring, or playing a game.

Discipline usually is not necessary, as most kids don't realize biting hurts. Never hit or bite a child who has bitten, as this teaches the child that this behavior is OK.

If you try these steps and the behavior doesn't stop, time-outs may help. Older toddlers can go to a designated time-out area — a kitchen chair or bottom stair — to calm down. As a general rule, about 1 minute per year of age is a good guide for time-outs. You might need to supervise your toddler during a time-out, but be careful to not give them any attention. Your child should be calm and quiet before leaving the time-out area.

To keep your little one on the right track:

Be consistent. Reinforce the "No biting" rule at all times.
Use positive reinforcement. Rather than reward negative actions with attention, make it a point to praise your child when they behave well. You can say something like, "I like how you used your words" or "I like how you're playing gently" to reinforce positive alternatives to biting.
Plan ahead. Toddlers might be more comfortable and not feel the urge to bite if they know what to expect in new or high-energy situations. If biting happens at childcare, you might consider putting your child in a calmer, smaller setting.
Find alternatives. As language skills develop, you can help your child find better ways to express difficult emotions. For example, asking kids to "use their words" when they're frustrated or upset can help calm them. If you need help, a doctor, counselor, or behavioral specialist can discuss ways to teach your child to manage strong emotions and express feelings in a healthy way.

When Should I Call the Doctor?

Biting is common in babies and toddlers, but it should stop when kids are about 3 or 4 years old. If it goes beyond this age, is excessive, seems to be getting worse rather than better, and happens with other upsetting behaviors, talk to your child's doctor. Together you can find its causes and ways to deal with it.

Reviewed by: Shana L. Boyle, PhD

Date reviewed: June 2022

Strategies and Tips for Parents

Written by Stephanie Watson

Why Children Bite

Kids bite for a number of reasons -- and most of them aren't intentionally malicious.

They're in pain. When babies bite, typically it's because they're teething. They're just doing it to relieve the pain of their swollen, tender gums.
They're exploring their world. Very young children use their mouths to explore, just as they use their hands. Just about everything infants or toddlers pick up eventually winds up in their mouths. Kids this age aren't yet able to prevent themselves from biting the object of their interest.
They're looking for a reaction. Part of exploration is curiosity. Toddlers experiment to see what kind of reaction their actions will provoke. They'll bite down on a friend or sibling to hear the surprised exclamation, not realizing how painful the experience is for that person.
They're craving attention. In older kids, biting is just one of several bad behaviors used to get attention. When a child feels ignored, discipline is at least one way of getting noticed -- even if the attention is negative rather than positive.
They're frustrated. Biting, like hitting, is a way for some children to assert themselves when they're still too young to express feelings effectively through words. To your child, biting is a way to get back a favorite toy, tell you that they are unhappy, or let another child know that they want to be left alone.

How to Stop Biting

Practice prevention so that your child will be less likely to bite in the first place.

If your baby is teething, make sure to always have a cool teething ring or washcloth on hand so they will be less likely to sink teeth into someone's arm.
Avoid situations in which your child can get irritable enough to bite. Make sure that all of your child's needs -- including eating and nap time -- are taken care of before you go out to play. Bring along a snack to soothe your child if they get cranky from being hungry.
As soon as your child is old enough, encourage the use of words ("I'm angry with you" or "That's my toy") instead of biting. Other ways to express frustration or anger include hugging a stuffed animal or punching a pillow. Sometimes, shortening activities or giving your child a break can help prevent the rising frustration that can lead to biting and other bad behaviors.
Give your child enough of your time throughout the day (for example, by reading or playing together), so they don't bite just to get attention. Extra attention is especially important when your child is going through a major life change, such as a move or welcoming a baby sibling. If your child is prone to biting, keep an eye on any playmates and step in when an altercation appears to be brewing.

Even with your best prevention efforts, biting incidents might still occur. When your child bites, firmly let your child know that this behavior is not acceptable by saying, "No. We don't bite!" Explain that biting hurts the other person. Then remove your child from the situation and give the child time to calm down.

You might have heard from other parents that if your child bites you, bite your child back. This isn't good advice. Children learn by imitation. If you bite your child, the child is going to get the impression that this behavior is acceptable and they will be more likely to do it again. The same goes for hitting a child for biting.

If you are unable to get your child to stop biting, the behavior could begin to have an impact on school and relationships. You or another adult might have to closely supervise interactions between your child and other kids. When biting becomes a habit or continues past age 4 or 5, it might stem from a more serious emotional problem. Talk to your child's health care provider, or enlist the help of a child psychologist or therapist.

Biting Injury Rx

The first thing to do for any biting injury is to wash the area with soap and water. Even little teeth can break the skin. If the bite is bleeding and the wound appears to be deep, call your child's doctor. The bite may need medical treatment, which could include antibiotics or a tetanus shot, or both.

Why does a child bite? – "Internet office of a healthy child"

Ufimtseva Olesya Borisovna

Social teacher of the consultative and health department of the City Center for Medical Prevention

To understand why the baby began to bite, it is necessary to assess the situation in which this happened, and also take into account the age of the child. The reasons why a 10-month-old baby bites will be radically different from the reasons why a two- to four-year-old child starts biting. And the ways to deal with this behavior will also be different.

Consider the reasons why young children bite.

Baby biting at 5-8 months

Most likely, the reason for this is the discomfort and pain associated with teething. The child becomes capricious, whiny, he is ready to bite and gnaw everything that comes to hand. When a child bites, he thereby tries to reduce the load on the gums, or get rid of the unpleasant sensations that occur in the mouth during teething. If a small child bites because his gums are swollen and red, keep teething toys handy at all times. But up to a year and a half, the problem with painful teething can persist in any case, so this period can simply be waited out without taking special measures.

Baby biting at 1 year old

If the child’s teeth no longer bother, but a one-year-old child bites during a game or just like that, this may indicate overwork, a one-year-old child needs to bite when he is angry or tired. Children, due to their age, still do not have enough language skills to express the surging feelings and emotions in words, for example, such feelings as: irritation, fear, helplessness. An overabundance of emotions that the baby cannot cope with becomes the reason why a one-year-old child bites. If your baby, in a joyful or angry outburst, can bite a parent or playmate painfully, this should not be ignored. In order to wean a child from biting at this age, show your dissatisfaction, tell the child a firm “no”, interrupt the game, show that you are offended and do not intend to continue the game. If a child bites other children, take him out of the game and explain that this will happen every time he bites.

Another way to wean a one-year-old child from biting is to offer him interesting and at the same time soothing activities that require creative work (sculpting, constructor, playing with sand and water, drawing with pencils and crayons, etc.), and also often offer to chew on solid food, for example, drying, carrot or apple.

Child bites at 2 years old

At the age of 2 years, children may bite an adult or other children because of a desire to control the actions of another person, or because of a feeling of irritation that has arisen. Two-year-olds also find it difficult to put their feelings into words. Due to the lack of language skills, biting children express their feelings, give vent to accumulated emotions.

In order to wean a 2-year-old child from biting, he needs to be made clear that such behavior is unacceptable. If your child has bitten a friend, come up with him in order to feel sorry for the victim and ask for forgiveness: the baby must know what to do to correct the situation.

Child bites at 3-4 years old

If a child 3 years of age or older bites, pay close attention to their peer relationships. Maybe the child has problems in communication, and he has to defend himself in this way.

If the child does not defend himself, but attacks, he may have problems with self-control. In this case, in order to determine how to wean a child from biting, it is necessary to consult with a specialist (neurologist and psychologist).

Dear parents! Try to understand the reason why a small child bites. On the one hand, biting for a child is a replacement for the verbal way of expressing negative emotions. With undeveloped speech at a certain age, it is difficult to explain why you are angry or offended, that you don’t like it, that you want this baby to return your toy. On the other hand, biting is a manifestation of aggression as a way to declare something that is not noticed. But what the child reacts to like that - parents need to find out. Watch your baby carefully: when, where and what, what behavior of others he starts to bite. After all, bites are the baby's reaction to the trouble in the relationship in which the child is currently located. The source can be both in the family and in kindergarten. And the more affection and care you show to the child, the more likely it is that he will not bite. Psychological comfort in the family, a healthy daily routine, sufficient sleep and long walks will also contribute to reducing the child's aggressiveness.

If a child bites

A child bites in kindergarten: advice from a psychologist

Kindergarten for a child is the first serious test in life, the first step towards adulthood.

Here he learns to live in a team, gets acquainted with peers, learns the skills of social behavior. However, there are children who find it difficult to spend time in kindergarten. One of the strangest and most offensive manifestations of this uncomfortable behavior is the habit of biting. Biting often begins to manifest itself at home, and in the conditions of a kindergarten it reaches its "climax". So why does the child show such an "animal" type of aggression? What drives them? Maybe he is trying to win his “place in the sun” in this way, or such a reaction may have a hidden connotation. Let's try to figure it out together.

Causes of children's biting

If the habit of biting appears before the child is sent to kindergarten, this may indicate a dysfunctional situation in the family. Parents should take a closer look at themselves and how they treat their little one. In a "difficult" family, the child is constantly exposed to stress, feels fear and even hatred.

In general, early childhood should be a period of positive emotions, because children are just beginning to “look closely” at the environment; the very first impressions are the most profound, most often they remain for life and form a person's personality. In some religions, children up to a year (or a little more) are even declared "sinless"; If you exclude mysticism, then there is a certain amount of truth in this.

And what happens if the first impressions of a small child are anger, aggression, swearing and other negativity? The little man naturally tries to respond in kind. This is how children begin to bite, as well as fight and generally pounce on people.

It happens that outwardly a family is quite prosperous, even loving. However, the methods of upbringing in it are specific: the child is constantly forbidden everything, often punished for petty offenses and pranks (which he himself sometimes does not yet understand and does not realize what exactly he is being punished for).

The child perceives such an attitude towards himself in the same way as the behavior of others in a dysfunctional family (in which parents are alcoholics, drug addicts, etc.), and sometimes even stronger, because he is faced with real hypocrisy - in words, parents they seem to love him, but in reality they show the opposite. In such an environment, the child will begin to bite with no less probability. But there are also “hyperactive” children whom, on the contrary, parents spoil too much. A very small child can bite, so to speak, instinctively, mother and father are touched by this and allow him to bite further. Thus, the baby expresses a variety of feelings, sometimes even positive ones, and over time, if he is not weaned, he does not understand that the bite is painful. Inexperienced parents, by the way, may also not notice that their baby’s teeth have already grown stronger and now he can bite “for real”. He transfers a similar way of communication to kindergarten. Summarizing the causes of children's "biting", we can distinguish the following:

Difficult atmosphere in the family
Reaction to pain or allergic manifestations
Resentment or anger at someone from the household or children in the team
Many prohibitions
Inability to express one's feelings in other ways
Bad example of peers
Excessive activity, hyperactivity of children.

But a child may not "bring" the habit of biting from home to the kindergarten, but form it while already in the children's team. In this case, the point is that children very quickly learn from each other, both good and bad. And the child begins to bite under the influence of the influence of peers.

WHY A CHILD BITES IN KINDERGARTEN

So, the child went to kindergarten and for some reason started biting there. He does this either because he has "lost his temper" or simply because he is spoiled and does not consider such behavior to be bad.

In the first case, the caregiver can easily react by talking to the child, comforting him or praising him for something good. In the second case, it is more difficult to fight a bad habit. In addition, if the parents themselves do not understand that the child is behaving inappropriately, and even they can express their claims to the teacher - they say, our child is the best, the best, etc. and has the right to behave as he wants, then the problem gets worse. In addition to the re-education of the child, it is necessary to conduct educational conversations with parents.

If an explanatory conversation with the child's parents does not help, the parents of the other children in the group can have their say. To do this, a collective appeal is written to to the leadership of the kindergarten with a request to expel a biting child from the institution. Of course, to exclude a bully, parents need to be persistent, because the manager does not always listen to their opinion, but all parents have every right to protect their kids. In certain cases, it helps to contact the prosecutor's office and guardianship authorities.

WHEN A HABIT TURNS INTO A DISEASE

If this bad habit is not dealt with in a timely manner, it can later develop into a full-fledged disease. This happens as the child grows. It can be said that when entering school, a biting child is already mentally ill.

On the one hand, by the beginning of the first academic year, he should already understand a lot, but the grown-up “kid” continues to bite. On the other hand, the “habit” itself only develops with age, and in the first academic years, a “biter” will turn out to be a flawed person with deviant behavior.

At this time, doctors - a psychiatrist, a neurologist, a child psychologist - must deal with "biting", uncontrolled aggression and all other "charms", but even for specialists to cope with the disease is not an easy task.

One of the reasons for the development of child cruelty is the child's confidence that he will get away with everything, because until now those around him were only touched by his pranks.

WHAT TO DO IF A CHILD BITES: PSYCHOLOGIST'S ADVICE

From the above it is clear that it is necessary to start fighting the biting habit as early as possible. At the same time, there should be strictness in the educational process, but not irritability or anger.

First of all, you need to stop being touched and smiling when you see that the baby is using his teeth. You should put your hand to his mouth, as if closing it, and explain that you can’t bite.

It is not worth educating a child to be weak-willed. However, it is necessary to teach him to respond to insult in other ways, primarily in speech. Both parents and educators should help the child in this.

Role-playing games are a good method of speech development. By learning to respond with words, the child will soon give up the habit of biting and fighting. In role-playing games, the teacher (or parents, other adults) plays scenes with the child in which he must refuse. For example - “you were offended”, “they took away your toy”, “you were scared”.

If a child bites in kindergarten because he is nervous, he should be taken to the bedroom, allowed to calm down and talk to him. But you can’t “lock” a child in a room by force and isolate him from others - he must feel that they want to help him.

If the baby bites because he is scared or he is not confident in himself, he needs to be encouraged, praised (but within reasonable limits, of course), show that nothing terrible will happen and for this you do not need to bite at all. He begins to be afraid and nervous, for example, when moving to another kindergarten, when a new teacher appears. For all this, parents should be prepared in advance and talk with their children on each occasion.

Parents should be aware that biting a child in kindergarten can lead to serious problems. There have been cases where one child had to get stitches after being bitten by a bandmate.

It may turn out that the child is motivated to get nervous and bite by the unsettled environment in the kindergarten itself.

First of all, this is true for municipal institutions; although there are many private kindergartens, the work in which is far from being organized in the best way. State and municipal kindergartens are constantly insufficient, the groups are overcrowded, and new teachers come infrequently - they are not satisfied with working conditions and salaries.

All this leads to the fact that instead of proper upbringing and supervision, children receive either aggressive, almost "camp" practices, or, on the contrary, negligence and indifference - they are left to their own devices.

It is worth taking a closer look at the institution that the child attends and, if necessary, transferring him to another kindergarten. However, it is undesirable to swear and fight with the staff and management of the ill-fated kindergarten, since the workers are already tense.

INSTEAD OF CONCLUSION

Parents need to take a closer look at themselves. Are they doing everything right, is the baby experiencing any discomfort.

It must be remembered that in the first years of life a child actively imitates adults, learns from them literally everything in the world. And, perceiving the environment uncritically, he recognizes as the norm of behavior precisely those actions that he observes in his family.