How to raise your spirited child

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, parenting advice, author of Raising Your Spirited Child

Mary's Books

"New, fully updated! After 25 years helping families just like yours, I am able to give you the most empowering tools ever."
-Dr. Mary

"Dr. Mary's latest research and strategies will allow me to provide clear, useful guidance." —Marjorie Hogan, MD, Professor of Pediatrics, University of Minnesota

"Due to your book alone, we were able to eliminate 90% of the length of time of temper tantrums, and we are very close to preventing the tantrums completely." -Ann

"I have given copies of your book to any parent that confides in me that they are at their wit's end. I tell them, 'it will change your life,' because that's what it did for me and my family." -Jennifer

"My eight-year-old is sleeping probably the best he ever has in his life. " -Cindy

Welcome

Dr. Mary is an internationally recognized parent educator, and best-selling author with over one million books in print. Her work has been translated into 24 languages. She holds a Doctorate in Education focusing her research on spirited infants and children, sleep, and family systems. She also graduated with honors with a Master’s Degree in Family Social Science and a Bachelor’s Degree in Child Development and Early Childhood Education.

Now she is delighted to announce the publication of her new book, Raising Your Spirited Baby: A Breakthrough Guide to Thriving When Your Baby is MORE... Alert and Intense and Struggles to Sleep. (See my 90 second, announcement video)

It joins her previous best sellers Raising Your Spirited Child, now in its third edition, Kids, Parents and Power Struggles, Sleepless in America, Is Your Child Misbehaving or Missing Sleep and The Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook. All can be purchased from local bookstores and on-line at Amazon.

Raising Your Spirited Baby is a gentle and encouraging guide to communicating with and supporting your baby. If you have ever been told or considered your baby to be "fussy" or "high need", this is a must have book for you. It is helpful to all parents. You will love this breakthrough guide to thriving with your baby. It respects and cares for both of you. You are not alone!

Licensed as a parent educator by the State of Minnesota, Dr. Mary’s has been providing parents private behavior and sleep consultations, teaching classes and keynoting conferences for over 35 years. Her “progress not perfection” philosophy and practical parent-tested approach have soundly stood the test of time and helped millions of families thrive.

Dr. Mary’s work has also been recognized by national and international media sources. She has been a guest and contributor to Good Morning America, Good Morning Canada, The New York Times, Parents Magazine, USA weekend, Working Mother and American Baby to name just a few.

News and Information

Resources

Learn More

A breakthrough guide to thriving when your baby is alert, intense and struggles to sleep.

Revised!

"Raising Your Spirited Child” has now been fully revised with even more helpful insights, stories, heartfelt support and tools to empower you.

Parenting Tips!

Every week we post parenting tips on either our Facebook page or our blog. Check out the latest tips on children's sleep, tantrums, power struggles, discipline, child development, temperament, spirited children and keeping your cool when your child is losing theirs. We're always open for more suggestions, so feel free to send them our way using our Contact page.

Weekly Parenting Tips!

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Parent Support Group

In addition, Facebook has a group page started by and for the parents of "Spirited Children". The group is a closed group (but still accepting new members) where parents look for advice and support from other parents. Feel free to check it out using the link below.

SPIRITED CHILD PARENT SUPPORT GROUP

Consultations & Classes

Private Baby and Child Behavior and Sleep Consultations

Dr. Mary has helped hundreds of families just like yours. She provides private consultations on both infant and child behavior and sleep issues. A one-hour personal session, via phone or Zoom, gives your family an opportunity to discuss the specific issues you are facing. You will work directly with Dr. Mary to develop a targeted plan that works for your family. Within 24 hours you will receive a written summary of your discussion and your plan. If you have ever been told or considered your baby to be "fussy" or "high need", Dr. Mary can help you.

"In just one hour on the phone, we were able to gain an entirely new perspective on the issues we were having. You gave us real tools and ideas that we could apply immediately." -Jason

Classes, Webinars and Workshops

For over 35 years Dr. Mary has provided parenting workshops and keynotes throughout the world. She has a large number of offerings and customizes or creates each session so that it meets the specifics needs of her audience. Dr. Mary’s speaking style brings audiences to life as they laugh and learn the essentials for effective parenting.

“Mary, I am so appreciative of how you customized your information and remarks to our audience. You brought important information to the group with humor and poise. The audience was mesmerized and we got excellent feedback.” -Merri

Blog Highlights

Parenting Questions for
Dr. Mary & Lynn

January 24, 2023

Make Your Life Easier and Raise a Better Eater with Consistent Meals and Snacks

More info

January 10, 2023

WORDS TO USE THAT KEEP YOUR CHILD WORKING WITH YOU

More info

October 13, 2022

Morning Struggles in the Fall

More info

Dr.

Mary's appearances include:

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, parenting expert presentations and workshops

SPEAKING

Classes, Keynotes, Workshops and Webinars

Mary provides keynote presentations for national and international conferences and conducts workshops for corporations, schools, and other community and educational organizations. Below is a sample of currently available workshop titles and descriptions. Mary will happily customize your presentation specifically for your group.

Click on a workshop title below for more details

Audience: Professionals and Parents

The Spirited Child: Secret to Success
Sleepless in America: Is This Child Misbehaving or Missing Sleep?
What to Do When the Kids are Losing It:
Effective Strategies for the 'Heat of the Moment'
Challenging Child Behaviors: Helping All Children Be Successful
Winning Cooperation and Building Strong Relationships: Even During the Tough Times
Discipline Strategies that 'Fit' Each Child
Challenging Behavior or Stressed-Out Kids?
Changing Behavior - Changing Lives You Make a Difference
Spirited Infants: Why Temperament Matters When Helping Infants Get the Sleep They Need
Why Do You Act that Way? Effective Strategies for Introverts and Extroverts to Work Together
Ready for Kindergarten and for Life: Helping Parents Make a Critical Decision

Audience: Professionals

Sleepless in America: Working with Parents to Protect Childrens Sleep
Emotion Coaching and Self-Regulation:
Secrets to Preventing Challenging Behaviors and Promoting Independence
Managing Different Temperaments in the Classroom

Audience: Parents

Raising Your Spirited Child
Kids, Parents and Power Struggles: Secrets to Effective Discipline
Creating Calm Families in a Fast Paced World

Customized Presentations

What They're Saying

"As you will see, the feedback was overwhelmingly positive." -Trena

"I could not ask for a better outcome from a presenter. The folks loved you and your wealth of knowledge." Craig

"I finally see in print, words that capture my son and my husband and my feeling towards being a parent to a spirited child. I cannot put your book down. To hear you in person would be my greatest wish." -Meredith

"You are a wonderful speaker and certainly empowered me!!" -Stephanie

"Thank you Mary for everything you have taught us!" -Michelle

"What a pleasure it was hearing your keynote today. Boy, did you blow me away!" -Sheila

"You have an exceptional ability to create an intimate and interactive experience with a large audience!" -Samantha

How to raise an active and energetic baby?

home

Parents

Expert advice

Psychologist's consultation

Child's age: 2. 10

How to bring up an active and energetic child?

Hello! Child 2.10 is very naughty and naughty. He hasn't gone to the garden yet. We spend most of the time with him alone, my husband is constantly at work, we live away from relatives and friends. By the evening, after his numerous antics, I can’t stand it and break down on him, I scream very much, it’s physically bad for me. This is always preceded by long explanations in a calm tone, for example, that children should not climb to the stove (when he turns on all 4 burners), that when he ate, you need to give me a plate, and not splash the rest of the soup all over the kitchen, that you can’t beat your mother (when he suddenly can hit me over the head with a pyramid when I helped collect toys for him). I feel my powerlessness, despair, anger, then a wild feeling of guilt. Often he carries him like that, I can’t cook dinner with such games of his. Instead of one hour, I spend 2-3 hours and it exhausts me. We play at least once a day together, read, help me around the house, watch cartoons for kids for 15-20 minutes a day. What am I doing wrong? What does his behavior say? What is my rage about? How to improve the world? I want to fall through the ground after such conflicts. nine0003

Olga

Hello Olga.

Raising an energetic baby is another test for mother's nerves. I really want to support you. Please watch one of our video tutorials - just on your topic https://www.ya-parentel.ru/media/gallery/lessons/videouroki-kak-ne-sryvatsya-na-svoem-rebenke/ I also advise you to read a wonderful book " Mom at zero ”Anastasia Izyumskaya. You can also take into account the advice of Lyudmila Petranovskaya https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgcS-YlCl50

The child's behavior only indicates that he has a mobile temperament, he is lively and active. This is not his character, but the features of temperament, so this should be taken for granted. If you have any concerns, then show the child to a good neurologist. Your patience and habit of explaining to the child how and, most importantly, why one should behave in this way causes admiration and respect. This is exactly what you should do - clearly but kindly stop unwanted behavior and explain why it is not possible to do this and how upsetting such behavior is for you. Periodically give the child the opportunity to choose between behavior with a negative result and behavior with a positive result (if there is no threat to life and health, of course). Be sure to reinforce the desired behavior – more so than sanctioning the unwanted behavior. So the child will be easier and easier to learn to choose between impulsive behavior and strong-willed. His volitional processes are now in the process of development and formation, of course, the child is easily amenable to impulses. But as he grows older, while helping him in this process, negative manifestations will be smoothed out and get out less and less. We cannot change the characteristics of the child's temperament, but we can teach, train him to manage his energy, use it for peaceful purposes - and this is a rather lengthy process. Therefore, when choosing circles and sections for him, pay attention to those that involve high physical activity - but without the development of aggression. So it will be easier for the child to spend energy with benefit, to understand and learn to benefit from his temperament. And you - to devote more time to yourself, if possible, to activities that restore your peace of mind, strengthen you - and live these moments of joy as consciously and actively as possible. nine0003

Margarita Lopukhina,
Psychologist of the portal “I am a parent”

Raising energetic children is difficult, but there is a downside!

You know that everyone has muscles, but do bodybuilders have super muscles? This compares to the extra level of stubborn tenacity you'll find in an energetic child - above average, undisputed champions. They don't understand the phrase "quit it" and they don't have any of your nonsensical suggestions about what they "should" do. nine0003

And much like a "normal" person trying to keep up with a bodybuilder in a weightlifting competition, it's exhausting. Especially when all you're trying to do is get your child to put on a coat in sub-zero temperatures, or take part in an activity that all other children do with courtesy, and you're tempted to yell "You'll do it after all!"

Active kids push boundaries, never agreeing to accept the status quo, always asking questions. They say "why?" when others just say "okay". They don't take anyone's word for it, preferring to test theories on their own, even if it means learning something the hard way. nine0003

It's exhausting and maddening no doubt, but there's beauty in their courage too—they're not afraid to take risks and learn from experience rather than relying on second-hand information.

Their energy seems to be limitless, from the moment their eyes open in the morning (well, at dawn) to the moment you make them sleep at night, even if they are not "tired." It's just that the world is their oyster - or at least that's how they see it - and they want as many waking hours as possible dedicated to its victory. It's a wonderful trait, but it's harder to admire if you're constantly trying to discourage them. nine0003

Obedience is not their forte, but not because they deliberately try to make us lose our control; this is because they only obey when our requests coincide with their opinion. If they don't see the point in doing what we ask them to do, or if it doesn't feel right, they just don't do it. Of course, obedience is necessary in some cases, such as when we say "don't put your finger in that socket" or "look both ways before you cross the street." Sometimes children just have to do what we need to do, whether they want it or not. nine0003

But for more unimportant things, we have to ask ourselves if this is really worth the fight. It is a constant struggle to rein in an energetic child so that they only take orders for the sake of obedience, but even worse, if we manage to break this iron will and get complicity, we send the message that obedience is more important than doing what they feel, what is right. And the child who follows without question is so focused on doing what is required of him that they may not even notice if it is not in their best interest. Think of it this way: their determination to go their own way is frustrating right now, but it will be fantastic when other kids their age succumb to peer pressure. nine0003

No matter how difficult it is to raise a cheerful child, it is even more difficult to become one. These are the "square pegs" that everyone is always trying to push into the round holes. Their feelings and opinions are great and intense, as is their tendency to follow them - which doesn't always fit well in scenarios where they have to be obedient and follow directions. They may be labeled as "problematic" or as having "disciplinary problems" when really all they want is autonomy - to be allowed to go to the beat of another drum. nine0003

Of course, there are rules that everyone must follow, but these are babies who are practically out of the womb, ready to do their own thing, so giving them some independence where you can is critical to their happiness (and yours). Let them cook their own dinner, even if it's not what you intended to do. Let them choose their own outfits because they don't care if the plaid matches the stripes as long as it makes them feel good. Outsiders may judge you, but that's only because they don't know what you're dealing with. If they had your child for a couple of days, they would quickly realize that you can't fight to the best of your ability. nine0003

It's hard enough to raise these hard-working people without the input you seem to get almost daily. Opinions that you never asked for are given to you every minute. Have you tried eliminating gluten and red food coloring? Perhaps too much time in front of TV screens is the cause of all this excessive energy. You just need to find a good chiropractor/acupuncturist/faith healer! A good old-fashioned spanking can help!

Ignore the comments, watch their stubborn persistence and keep supporting (you'll need more coffee). It will be a long ride, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.