How to motivate my child

Science-Based Approaches for Parents, Caregivers, and Teachers

Briefs

What’s the best way to motivate children? The intrinsic motivation to learn about the world around us begins in infancy. This type of motivation can either be encouraged or suppressed by the experiences adults provide for children. Psychological research points to a set of promising approaches that parents and practitioners can use to promote positive motivation and learning during development.

For more in-depth information about the science of motivation, read “Working Paper 14: Understanding Motivation: Building the Brain Architecture That Supports Learning, Health, and Community Participation.”

1. Follow babies’ lead.

   Babies naturally orient toward novel objects and events. They look away from objects that are overly familiar, but also from new ones that are too complex. This is sometimes called the “Goldilocks effect:” things are interesting when they are novel, but not too novel. When interacting with infants, notice what they pay attention to, and engage with them around their interests.

2. Elicit curiosity.

   Even infants seek to explore objects—especially those that behave in surprising ways. When they drop something on the floor or throw it, they’re trying to see what will happen next. Provide children with opportunities to interact with new objects—and let them lead and learn!

3. Encourage children’s playful exploration.

   When given the opportunity, children of all ages spontaneously engage in play. The ingredients of play are precisely the ones that fuel learning: play is intrinsically motivating, it presents an opportunity for novel experiences and for learning from others, it requires active engagement, and it can strengthen social bonds and reduce stress. When life is busy or chaotic, it can be hard to find the time and space to encourage children’s play, but this is an important aspect of development.

4. Prioritize social interaction during learning.

   In the digital age, there are many educational, computer-based applications designed for children, even as young as 6 months. However, even the best-designed and most effective apps cannot replace real-life social interactions with adults and peers. In one study, babies learned elements of language more effectively when face-to-face with a teacher or on video. Recent research shows that young children can learn from digital media, such as touch-screen tablets, but social interaction during this learning experience appears to be essential.

5. Challenge children just enough.

   Kids are motivated to work toward achievable goals. From infancy onward, effort is required to sustain motivation, but success must be possible. They lose motivation when a task is too easy, but also when it is so difficult as to be insurmountable. Video games harness this basic principle of learning effectively, constantly increasing the level of challenge based on an individual child’s performance. Try to adapt a challenge according to a child’s current capabilities, and provide prompt feedback on his or her performance.

6. Give children agency.

   

   
   

   Children are more motivated when they have some degree of self-determination, and can elect to pursue tasks that are personally meaningful. When they have a choice of projects, or at least a little wiggle room as to how a task gets done, children are more likely to stay engaged.

7. Provide incentives only when necessary.

   When children are suddenly rewarded for something they enjoy and do freely, they may begin to do it only when they know they will be compensated afterwards. Wherever possible, harness children’s natural curiosity and inclination to work toward an achievable goal, rather than promising a reward.

8. Praise the process rather than the outcome.

   

   When we praise children for their intellect or skill level—or the grade or gold medal they received—it can lead to a performance orientation. They may be motivated to achieve more rewards, but they may also learn to shy away from challenging activities that they might not excel at, for fear of negative evaluation. Performance pressure increases as children move up in school, and it is associated with depression and anxiety in addition to diminished joy of learning. When we praise children for their effort and help them see falling short as an opportunity to learn and improve (rather than simply focus on the outcome), they will be more motivated to work hard and more likely to believe that they can achieve what they put their mind to.

9. Maintain a close connection with adolescents.

   

   Adolescence is a period when many young people take risks and push boundaries. This trend reflects, in large part, a natural inclination toward novel and exciting experiences that maximize learning opportunities and are important in making the transition to independence. As teens become more motivated by the approval of their peers, it can be socially rewarding to follow risk-taking leaders or stand out by breaking boundaries. However, teens with close family relationships are less prone to risk-taking. High parental support and open dialogue are associated with fewer problem behaviors, including less substance abuse and delinquency. Be empathetic and supportive, knowing that youth are going through changes in their brains, bodies, and social relations that can make risky behavior appealing to them. Keep the lines of communication open—and keep close tabs on teens.

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7 Science-Proven Steps To Motivate Your Child

What type of motivation does your child have | What motivates your child and what does not | How to use extrinsic motivation | How to motivate a child

Here’s the brutal truth about how to motivate kids to study – not all motivations are created equal. Most parenting methods such as rules, consequences, and rewards don’t work because they create the wrong kind of motivation. Find out what motivates your child and how to effectively motivate them using 7 backed-by-research steps.

What Type Of Motivation Does Your Child Have

Motivation is the reason that underlines a child’s behavior.

There are two main types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic.

• Intrinsic motivation refers to doing an activity for its inherent enjoyment.
• Extrinsic motivation refers to doing an activity, not for its inherent enjoyment but instead for a separable outcome.

Although these two types of motivations may result in similar behavior, there are differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation in terms of qualities and sustainability of the behavior.

Studies have shown that when people engage in an activity out of intrinsic motivation, the quality of engagement and the results are both better^​1​.

In one study at the University of Rochester, researchers asked a group of undergraduate students to read an article and then record their emotions reading it. One week later, they tested the students’ ability to recall the information. Students who found the article interesting or enjoyable scored better than other students who didn’t in recalling and comprehending the information, even after accounting for their differences in verbal aptitude.^​2​

What Motivates Your Child And What Does Not

So, what motivates your child?

When it comes to motivating our kids, many parents use the “carrot and stick” approach, i.e. rules, consequences, rewards, or behavior charts.

Many people find quick success at the beginning, but it stops working after a while.

Even worse, sometimes it backfires.

Here is why…

When children are responding to the “carrot and stick”, they are acting on extrinsic motivation.

We’ve already seen that the quality of behavior resulting from the extrinsic drive is not as good as intrinsic.

On top of that, you have to keep using the carrot and stick for the desired behavior to continue.

That is simply not sustainable in the long term.

But there is a third reason why this is not an effective way to motivate…

Using carrot and stick actually reduces a child’s intrinsic motivation, if there is any at the beginning.

Many studies have shown that when a reward (e.g. ice cream or video games) or a controlling factor (e.g. punishment or privilege removal) is introduced, a person’s intrinsic drive decreases.^​1​

In other words, if your child has some interest in an activity at the beginning, your carrot-and-stick “motivation” actually reduces your child’s intrinsic motivation.

A child has to enjoy an activity to be intrinsically motivated.

External rewards, praises, and punishment will not inspire a child’s interests to develop intrinsically.

It does the exact opposite.

Does that mean that our hands are tied and there is nothing we can do?

Not really. There is A LOT we can do to help our children succeed.

How To Use Extrinsic Motivation

If your child is not intrinsically motivated enough, we have to work with their extrinsic motivation.

Fortunately, not all extrinsic motivations are bad.

There are four types of extrinsic motivation. They lie on a spectrum of autonomy, from the least autonomous (externally regulated) to the most autonomous (integrated).

Among these four extrinsic motivations, integrated motivation is the most desirable form of motivation.

When people have fully identified and assimilated a cause to themselves, they develop integrated motivation.

So what does that mean?

That means a person has examined the cause and found it match their own values and needs. They can then internalize a cause and have self-drive.

Because integrated motivation has many similar qualities as intrinsic motivation, helping children internalize a behavior is a great way to inspire internal motivation.

How To Motivate A Child To Study – 7 Science-backed Steps

1. Stop trying to motivate (the traditional way)

Your attempts to motivate your child are most likely doing the exact opposite — demotivating your child.

To be intrinsically motivated is to enjoy an activity on its own.

If someone doesn’t enjoy an activity, no amount of pushing, bribing, or threatening can make them start to like it. It will only create a power struggle.

So the traditional ways to deal with a child’s lack of motivation — rewarding, praising, nagging, scolding, and punishing — are counterproductive.

Therefore, the best approach is to stop using these external factors to motivate.

2. Help them enjoy instead of controlling

Rewarding, praising, nagging, scolding, and negative consequences are ways to control someone’s behavior.

Being a controlling parent cannot motivate children intrinsically. Applying pressure or offering an incentive can’t make an activity enjoyable.

Allow your child the freedom to take initiative. Having autonomy is an essential condition for intrinsic or integrated motivation to develop^​3​.

To help an unmotivated kid develop the right motivation, aim to inspire, not to control.

Note: Giving children options is just another way to control them. It may work on young children, but not on older kids.

The best approach is to show them how they can enjoy it in different ways.

• Show children that learning a new skill and mastering it is fun.
• Create a learning environment instead of a doing work situation. We learn to acquire new knowledge, not just to complete homework or get a good grade.
• Pique their curiosity in a new subjects by showing them the different uses of it.
• Let them choose activities according to the child’s interests without pressure.
• Celebrate success milestones together (but do not over-praise or praise conditionally).
• Support kids by providing constructive feedback, not criticism, that can enhance a sense of competence.
• When children are stuck at a problem, help them view it as a “challenge they can conquer”, not a “difficulty they need to overcome”.
• Do not refer to the activity as “children’s job”.
• Do not use a break from the activity, such as “No school work”, as a reward.

3. Help them internalize the importance

Some activities do not lend themselves well to enjoyment. If that’s the case, help your child develop integrated motivation.

Help them identify why an activity is important and help them internalize the need for it.

Children must grasp the meaning and worth of doing something to fully internalize it.

For example, training for soccer can be hard at times. But practicing is a critical and necessary part of becoming good at it. Help your child understand that if they want better results in soccer, they must practice even though it is not always enjoyable.

4. Help them decide and let them decide

Autonomy is crucial in creating intrinsic motivation or integrated motivation. Children have to make their own decisions to feel a sense of autonomy, a vital intrinsic motivator^​4​.

Most people are afraid that if they let their children make their own decisions, kids will inevitably make the wrong ones and fail.

Falling is an inevitable part of learning to walk. Making wrong decisions is an inevitable and important part of learning to make good decisions.

Give children opportunities to practice decision-making. If the activity is not health or safety-related, let them decide, with your guidance. Let them face the natural consequence.

For example, if a child refuses to do his homework, even after you explain the importance of it, let him face the consequence in school.

If the activity is not health or safety-related but you have a strong desire for your child to do it, it is important to understand why.

There are things children must do, such as going to school, which is not negotiable. But there are things only we believe children must do, but they actually don’t have to.

Children are not meant to live our lives. Just because we regret not playing the flute when we were kids doesn’t mean our children need to fulfill our dreams. Our kids have their own lives and their own dreams to pursue.

5. Find an optimal challenge

One of the best ways to inspire intrinsic motivation is to help kids enjoy feelings of accomplishment.

If an activity is too easy, a child will feel bored quickly. But if an activity is too hard, a child will feel discouraged or have self-doubt.

An optimal challenge is one that is slightly more difficult than what a child has already mastered, but is still achievable through practice and some hard work.

It is also important to help children gain a growth mindset.

Children develop a growth mindset when they believe that talent is not fixed, but malleable. Skills and mastery can improve through practice and hard work.

Let them know that the process of practicing and working through problems is what matters. Help and encourage them to practice.

When they finally master a new skill, that sense of competence will generate positive energy and become a significant internal motivator, setting their path to success.

Even if a child does not like an activity, they may engage in it if others they feel connected to value it.

Science tells us that a sense of belonging and relatedness can promote internalization^​5​. The emotional and personal bonds we form with others are great motivators.

If a child feels connected to someone who values a cause, they are more likely to internalize that value.

The importance of relatedness has been extensively studied in education due to its significance in students’ performance. In the classroom, when students feel respected and cared for by the teacher, they are more motivated to learn.^​6​

Parents play an important role in motivating kids. When you have bonded with your child, they are much more likely to listen to you, adopt your values, and become motivated if it is something that is important to you.

So how do you bond effectively with your child?

Studies show that parents who adopt an authoritative parenting style bond with their children more. These are parents are warm and responsive to their children’s needs. They have high standards and set limits for their kids.

Psychologists find that authoritative parents create an autonomy-supportive environment that can increase their children’s self-regulation and motivation in classrooms.^​7​

An autonomy-supportive environment is one in which parents value autonomy in their children. They encourage kids to choose and participate in solving problems. The home climate is democratic rather than autocratic.

7. Get involved

Another way to promote relatedness is to get involved in the activity. Having the whole family participate shows how much they value it.

One of the most reliable predictors of children’s school performance is the level of parental involvement in their kids’ learning process. ^​8,9​

For instance, in sports, you can coach or watch their games. During the school year, you can volunteer in the class. Get involved in their learning activities such as reading. Have a designated family reading time every night and you can bond at the same time.

Final thoughts on what motivates your child

Positive reinforcement is not always bad. Sometimes, we just want to give our young kids something to celebrate accomplishments. The important thing is not using it as a contingency, i.e. if you do this, then you get this. Any extrinsic rewards should be unexpected, offered only after the activity finishes, and not routinely given (because then your child will start to expect them). You can also offer praise, positive feedback, or improvement suggestions in place of tangible rewards. All of these can motivate your child for future tasks.

Once your child starts developing motivation, setting goals can help them increase their internal drive and give them a plan to follow.

Need Help Motivating Kids?

If you are looking for additional tips and an actual step-by-step plan, this online course How To Motivate Kids is a great place to start.

It gives you the steps you need to identify motivation issues in your child and the strategy you can apply to help your child build self-motivation and become passionate about learning.

Once you know this science-based strategy, motivating your child becomes easy and stress-free.

References

1. 1.

   Scott Rigby C, Deci EL, Patrick BC, Ryan RM. Beyond the intrinsic-extrinsic dichotomy: Self-determination in motivation and learning. Motiv Emot. 1992;16(3):165-185. doi:10.1007/bf00991650

2. 2.

   Ryan RM, Connell JP, Plant RW. Emotions in nondirected text learning. Learning and Individual Differences. Published online January 1990:1-17. doi:10.1016/1041-6080(90)90014-8

3. 3.

   Grolnick WS, Ryan RM. Autonomy in children’s learning: An experimental and individual difference investigation. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 1987;52(5):890-898. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.52.5.890

4. 4.

   Zuckerman M, Porac J, Lathin D, Deci EL. On the Importance of Self-Determination for Intrinsically-Motivated Behavior. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 1978;4(3):443-446. doi:10.1177/014616727800400317

5. 5.

   Ryan R, Deci E. Intrinsic and Extrinsic Motivations: Classic Definitions and New Directions. Contemp Educ Psychol. 2000;25(1):54-67. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10620381

6. 6.

   Ryan RM, Powelson CL. Autonomy and Relatedness as Fundamental to Motivation and Education. The Journal of Experimental Education. 1991;60(1):49-66. doi:10.1080/00220973.1991.10806579

7. 7.

   Grolnick WS, Ryan RM. Parent styles associated with children’s self-regulation and competence in school. Journal of Educational Psychology. Published online 1989:143-154. doi:10.1037/0022-0663.81.2.143

8. 8.

   Griffith J. Relation of Parental Involvement, Empowerment, and School Traits to Student Academic Performance. The Journal of Educational Research. Published online September 1996:33-41. doi:10.1080/00220671.1996.9944441

9. 9.

   Jeynes WH. The Relationship Between Parental Involvement and Urban Secondary School Student Academic Achievement. Urban Education. Published online January 2007:82-110. doi:10.1177/0042085906293818

How to motivate your child to learn: simple ways that will help you

Surely every parent has at least once wondered how to teach a child to be independent without hassle and disappointment? How to teach children to do homework with joy, to make the learning process exciting for the children themselves. Our new blogger Anna Chirkova tells how to work with children's motivation.

In recent years, the practice of teachers shows that the number of children who do not seek knowledge is constantly growing. It appears even in primary school students.

Unwillingness to learn is manifested in the fact that children forget to do their homework, their textbooks and desks are messy, they draw in class, look out the window, talk to classmates, they are bored in class. Such children may blame teachers for their poor grades, but most often they do not care at all about poor performance.

Why do children not want to study? Even teachers with experience are not always ready to unequivocally answer this question, but we will try to give the simplest and most effective ways to motivate your child.

There are many reasons why children do not want to study. Let's analyze some of them.

1. The child is too small for school. Parents think that their children are ready for school if they see that they know a lot for their age. But even if your child is smart enough, and you think not to take him an extra year to kindergarten, this does not mean that he is psychologically ready for school. Most likely, the child will not be able to obey certain rules. In addition, it is more difficult for young children to sit for a long time in the classroom without moving.

2. Conflicts with teachers. Often, even the teachers themselves are not aware of the conflict with their pupils. They may notice that the student has poor academic performance, his behavior has changed, although, as it seems to the teacher, there was no conflict as such. In fact, the child could hear unpleasant words addressed to him or hold a grudge against the teacher's behavior. The child may feel depressed, feel fear, he develops a negative attitude towards the teacher. In most cases, children do not want to tell their parents about their fears related to school, this preserves the conflict and the difficulties associated with it.

3. Conflicts with students. If such a problem has already developed, then it can be very difficult to correct it without consequences for the child.

4. Physical defects. For example, stuttering, trembling of the limbs, and others. It is very difficult for children to get used to the idea that they are somehow different from their peers. It becomes especially difficult in cases where the shortcomings cause bullying and laughter from classmates. Knowing about his problem, the child does not want to become the center of attention, feel humiliated and once again appear at school.

5. Family conflicts. Scandals between parents and other family members. Often such a child closes in on himself due to experiences, he not only loses his motivation for learning, he is rarely interested in anything at all.

6. Pressure on the child from parents and relatives . We set high standards for children, sending them to the best schools where education is conducted at a higher level, we enroll in various sections. Just imagine how many sections parents try to send their children to without taking into account the opinion of the children themselves. Parents scream, get indignant, scold children if they bring bad grades or simply do not reach the results of their classmates. Think about it, maybe you are putting too much pressure on the children, forcing them to do what they do not want.

What factors influence interest in learning

1. Interest in the subjects studied . Often, children lose interest in studying some subjects just because they seem boring to children. However, you need to make it clear to the child that in all lessons they give the necessary information that develops different skills, so it is important to study all subjects. There are many disciplines, the study of which requires more work. In this case, you need to find another motivation. Much depends on the teacher, who is able to explain complex things in simple language and thus simplify the learning process.

2. Method of studying objects . In elementary grades, it is much easier for children to learn with the help of active methods, discussions and games. The teacher should pay attention to the fact that tasks like “rewriting textbooks” and “working on our own” reduce interest in the subject, while creative and various unusual ones, on the contrary, increase.

3. Perception of information . Some children perceive information better through sight, others through hearing, others through images. The effectiveness of teaching children largely depends on the type of perception of information. Parents themselves can choose the ways of teaching the child if they understand his peculiarities of perception of information.

4. Teacher's interest . When a teacher intrigues students with a personal example, shows a positive attitude towards the subject, then children also become interested in what they are taught. When they know that they will hear something funny or interesting in class, they look forward to these items with joy.

What are the types of motivation

Motivation is one of the most important conditions for successful learning. The most significant for students are the following motives:

• cognitive, that is, the desire to know more, to become erudite;
• communicative - expanding the circle of communication through an increase in the intellectual level and new acquaintances;
• emotional;
• self-development - disclosure of one's abilities and talents;
• student position;
• achievements;
• external - rewards, punishments.

In addition, motives are divided into external (social) and internal (cognitive). An example of extrinsic motivation: "I need to pass the exam so that my parents don't scold me." Intrinsic motivation: "I really like literature lessons, so I read every free minute, I learn something new with every book I read."

There are two more types of motivation - stable and unstable. An example of sustainable motivation: "Since the day I entered the drawing school, I have never regretted that I chose this particular section. " Unstable: “I went to a concert, I also wanted to play some instrument, I started studying, but after a while I quit.”

Most often, children's motivation is unstable due to the fact that they are very emotional. It is very easy to interrupt old ones with new emotions and impressions.

It is very difficult for a child who is not interested in learning to apply the acquired knowledge in practice, and the lack of motivation for the learning process leads to chronic academic failure. Why is this happening? Often the parents are to blame.

Of course, only you can choose how to properly raise your child, but his and your life depends on this choice. Not all parents realize what mistakes they make in the process of motivating their children. Consider not all, but the most relevant of them, which are most often found among parents.

1. Lowering your child's self-esteem, programming for failure. This happens when you tell a child that nothing good will come of him, that he will become a janitor if he does not study well. Such words lead to an underestimation of self-esteem, in case of any failures, the child lets go of his hands, completes what he started at the slightest problem.

2. Deception and intimidation . If you use such methods, the connection and trust between you and your child will be destroyed.

3. Exaggerated demands, not taking into account the child's capabilities . The parent may think that the child is lazy or “not studying on purpose”, while there may be specific reasons (mental developmental features, illness, fatigue).

4. Gifts in exchange for good academic performance . There are many downsides to this method. The child quickly develops a habit of getting what he wants through good grades. In the future, he may begin to demand a reward and fulfill your requests only after receiving what he wants. Such children are only aimed at receiving presents, and not at good studies.

5. Motivated by success . Often, parents assure the child that all his actions should be aimed at success and high status in society. In the future, such children grow up to be people who do everything for the sake of success and money, and not because it brings them positive emotions or is aimed at helping loved ones.

6. Excessive workload in various activities and sections . Modern parents like to plan their children's schedule as tightly as possible so that they spend their time with benefit every day. The child's psyche may not be able to withstand such a load, so you will get a complete lack of interest in classes.

How to increase motivation to study

Play is a unique instrument of pedagogical influence. If the child does not want to learn or something does not work out for him, you can always come up with a game in which he will be able to complete the tasks you have given.

These can be intellectual exercise games, training games based on competition. They show schoolchildren the level of their preparedness and fitness. By comparing with the opposite team, students themselves see their gaps in knowledge, this encourages cognitive activity in them.

The game form does not involve standard student assessment, so even lagging children can be interested.

Do not impose your favorite activities, let him pursue his hobby. Help children discover their hidden talents or develop those they already have, let them freely choose what interests them.

Encourage the child, praise for the result, but do not do it in the form of money and in the form of expensive gifts. Otherwise, the time will come when the child wants to sell you the results of his labor at a higher price. For example, the rule "For every correct task - 1 candy" works much better than "For every five in the diary - a cake." Candy is a kind of guarantee that difficult homework is done in an atmosphere of trust, which in itself is already a motivation.

Show him how to apply what he has learned, discuss his stories together. Encourage your child to think and discuss as often as possible. Remember that any grades are a subjective thing, this is not an indicator of your child's knowledge, but only his assessment by teachers.

A child does not have to be an excellent student, he has the right to receive bad marks. If he himself was upset because of the deuce - support and never scold. After all, first of all, you should be his friend and partner.

Tell the children how you yourself overcame difficulties in school, how you coped with difficult tasks. Show what you have achieved now that you have walked this path. Talk together about your failures and fears.

The child should always know that he will be heard, and problems will not be exaggerated. Explain that stress is an integral part of life, teach how to cope with it so that in the future the child can overcome it himself.

Motivation for learning does not develop overnight, sometimes it takes a lot of effort and time. If you have missed something in raising your child, it is never too late to start building your relationship on the basis of trust and understanding.

Do not motivate your child with distant and illusory goals incomprehensible to his age. Every parent must find where the potential of their children lies. Try to reveal his talents from different angles, give him the opportunity to prove himself. Look for inclinations in your children for some kind of activity, show by your own example that we are learning new things all our lives, that there are many interesting things in life.

Do not forget that in no case should you beat, humiliate, yell at a child, because school will end sooner or later, but your relationship will remain. According to the research of E. N. Volkova, the majority of children living in families in which severe physical, emotional, and other types of violence are used have signs of a delay in physical and neuropsychic development. Their memory deteriorates, the processes of memorization and retention are difficult, selectivity in memorization increases sharply. Attention becomes scattered, speech becomes poorer, stuttering appears. Children do much worse at school, the processes of school adaptation are more difficult.

Imagine what kind of person your child will be at the end of the learning journey. The time spent studying is very valuable for his formation as a person, do not miss it!

Photo: Shutterstock (granata68)

Motivation for schoolchildren

Tamara Fedorova

mother of two children who love school

School is not only good grades.

I am a teacher and I have three children. Two of them are schoolchildren: the daughter is in the sixth grade, the son is in the third. Both do well, but cramming has nothing to do with it.

In this article I will share the ways I motivate children to study in school and explain why I do not consider grades to be the main achievement in school.

Stereotypes that prevent parents from living in peace

During the pandemic, children studied remotely for several months. After that, parents began to complain on social networks that their child relaxed and went to school without much enthusiasm. But the results of some surveys show the opposite: many children are very eager to learn. Only all their striving in the bud kills the educational institution and the family. As a result, every second student experiences stress due to hard pressure, and this, in turn, has a bad effect on grades in the diary.

Fours and fives are not always a pass to a good life. There are examples when children were not successful in their studies, but their life turned out well. Probably, everyone has such stories in their environment. But I found a few bright children, whose poor academic performance did not prevent them from becoming famous people.

For example, teachers considered Thomas Edison so stupid that his mother decided to take him away from the educational institution and study with him on her own. Many sources say that the woman did this after receiving a letter about her son's expulsion from school. But in fact, everything was somewhat different.

/studying-test/

Study check: find out what prevents you from studying productively

Next, I will give part of the interview of the future inventor to the literary magazine T. P's Weekly in my translation:

"Once I heard a teacher say to the inspector, that I'm stupid and it doesn't make sense to keep me at school anymore. It hurt me so much that I burst into tears, went home and told my mother about it. Then I learned what a good mother is.

She acted as my strong protector... We went to school together, and mother angrily told the teacher that he didn't know what he was talking about and that I had more brains than him. At that moment, I immediately decided that I would be worthy of my mother and show that her confidence is not without meaning.

Nobel Prize winner in physics Wilhelm Wien did very mediocre at school. He often skipped classes, which caused discontent among the teachers. At the age of 15, his parents transferred him to home schooling and began to prepare him to continue the family business - farming. They not only did not condemn their son, but, on the contrary, supported him in all his undertakings.

Wilhelm Wien's father had serious problems with his spine, so all the men's work fell on the young man's shoulders. But the mother of the future physicist still wanted her son to get a higher education. She became his ideological inspirer and motivator for further education.

Today there is hardly a person who would call these people uneducated. But their success is by no means due to good grades, but to natural curiosity and support from the family.

/uchis-doma/

Pros and cons: is it worth transferring children to family education

I observed children a lot, especially when I worked as a teacher, and noticed several reasons why modern parents force their children to study under pressure.

Trying to make up for your school failures. “I was a C student because the teachers found fault with me. My son will prove to everyone that smart people live in our family!” With a child, such parents ask with redoubled severity and scold for triples. Although no one scolded them for triples.

Comparison with others. “Semyonov’s daughter is an excellent student, she wins all the Olympiads. Is mine any worse?

Here I will also include the spirit of competition, when “Olga's daughter got an A in the essay, and mine got a B. I will ask the teacher for an additional task for the child so that she can take first place in the student rating.”

Fear of judgment from the environment. “Again, the son brought a deuce. It’s embarrassing to talk about a child at work. What will people think?

Belief that success is determined by marks in the certificate. “I explain to my son that losers work only in low-skilled positions. I don’t want him and my grandchildren to live in poverty all their lives.”

Meanwhile, there is an interesting study: not all representatives of top management studied for five. And this is a reason to think about what a child really needs to take out of school: grades, knowledge, or something else? And what role does the family play in the educational process?

Motivation can be different: personal experience

I'll tell my story. I was brought up in a simple Russian family. My parents took the maximum from schooling. Mom, even today, can quote Yesenin by heart and tell about the structure of the cell. She studied well, for four and five, and eventually became an accountant. My father had a difficult childhood, he often missed classes, so he received a certificate with triples. But he entered a technical school and received the specialty of a welder.

After studying at a Soviet school, my parents knew that they could easily enter technical schools and get a specialty. Therefore, first of all, they absorbed knowledge, and did not fight for an assessment - this was the custom then. After perestroika, the situation changed.

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I was born in 1990 and was an inquisitive child: at the age of four I already read books well, and at six I went to school. Studying was easy for me, if not for one thing: there was a strong sense of social stratification in the class. I remember how a classmate, whose parents were well off financially, ridiculed me in front of everyone because the color of my tights did not match the school uniform. It was very embarrassing. It seems to me that then the mechanism “I have no money - I will achieve everything thanks to determination” was launched in me.

At school, I was an excellent student, only at the end of the eleventh grade I got a B in chemistry. I passed the exam with four and five. My parents wanted me to study well. Preferably five. In their understanding, this was my path to a bright future, since they would not be able to pay for my studies at the university.

My motivation was based solely on the desire to live in adulthood differently than in childhood. Everything that the teachers asked, I mechanically memorized, handed over - and forgot. My father and mother took my excellent studies for granted. They didn’t praise me for positive results, and because of the troika they could not talk to me all day. When I graduated from school, I went to a pedagogical university on a budget and graduated with honors. A couple of years later, she received another education.

Now I am 31 years old, and I remember school only with negativity. I have a pronounced syndrome of an excellent student, when a person makes high demands on himself, tries to achieve the maximum result in all areas and at the same time expects a positive assessment from others. It gets to the point that I get very nervous if I do not achieve a result close to the ideal. As a rule, there is no feeling of satisfaction from what has been done. I read literature on this topic and realized that this is largely a consequence of the school race for grades.

About the syndrome of an excellent student:
“Peculiarities of the manifestation of the syndrome of an excellent student” - an article in Cyberleninka,
“Praise me” - a book by D. Rapson and K. English,
“The complex (syndrome) of an excellent student” - an article by psychoanalyst V. Naritsyn,
interview with psychologist M. Labkovsky - YouTube

As a result, I concluded that I would approach the schooling of my children differently. My task is to teach them how to learn and stimulate an interest in learning. Motivation should be only positive. Otherwise, all this has a bad effect in adult life.

Now I'll tell you more about how I manage to keep my son and daughter interested in learning.

Method 1

According to the recommendations of Rospotrebnadzor, students in grades 1-7 should sleep about 10 hours, in grades 8-9 - 9-9.5 hours, in grades 10-11 - 8-9 hours. For schoolchildren, it is required to organize five meals a day with an interval of 3.5-4 hours.

In addition, every day children should walk in the fresh air for 3-3.5 hours at a younger age and at least 2.5 hours at an older age. This is the ideal daily routine that will allow the child to avoid emotional overload. But in my life I see other examples more often.

Among my acquaintances there are those whose children go to several extra classes a day. They do not always have time to go to bed on time, and walking for them is a matter of chance.

A friend's son attends art school every weekday, dances three times a week, has an English tutor on the weekends, and after training goes to volleyball. His day is scheduled to the minute. As a result, on weekdays the boy comes home at 19:00-20:00, has a quick snack and immediately sits down to do homework. There is no proper rest even on weekends, but there is a lot of emotional and physical stress. He eats in between classes, goes to bed around midnight. There is not enough time to just lie down and watch your favorite cartoon or chat with peers.

How it happens in our family. My children chose extra activities themselves. From early childhood, my daughter has a craving for drawing, so she has been studying at art school for five years now. Once a week he attends other circles: robotics and local history.

Daughter's extracurricular schedule

Monday

15: 00-16: 20

Arts

Tuesday

15: 00–17: 30

articular

15: 00–15: 45

Herry -bedroom

16:00-17:30

Robotics

Thursday

15:45-18:00

Art School

Friday

15:00-16:30

Robotics

Daughter is at school from 09:00 to 15:00, she has lunch there. Then I take her to art school. We are ten minutes late, but there's nothing to be done: the end of classes at the general education school and the beginning of classes at the art school coincide.

Daughter comes home at different times, but does not sit down right away for lessons. First, she has dinner, and then walks for half an hour or an hour: she either swings, or rides a bike, or goes up the hill, depending on the time of year. We live in the private sector, so mostly children play in their yard or walk near the house. After the walk, the daughter does her homework.

My son is at school from 09:00 to 14:00-15:00. He usually does his homework right after he comes home from class and has lunch. He doesn’t particularly like walking, but he spends a lot of time outdoors on weekends: he helps his father in the yard, cleans the snow in winter, carries pellets to the boiler room, or goes to the nearest playground with his younger brother.

Son's extracurricular schedule

Monday

18:00-20:00

Football

Tuesday

14: 00-15: 30

chess

18: 00-20: 00

Football

Thursday

14: 00-15: 30

chess

Friday 9000 9000 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 18:00 am —20:00

Football

Children go to bed around 22:30. Lessons start at 09:00. The school is nearby, so both son and daughter get up at 08:15 and have time to have breakfast. I do not take into account the travel time for additional classes: I work remotely, so I drive them by car myself. It takes an average of 20 minutes both ways.

At my request, on Sunday, the children complete all the tasks that are known for the week. I won’t say that they do it with enthusiasm, but then they can devote more time to their hobbies: their daughter to drawing, their son to computer games. There are no extra classes on weekends. Saturday is a full day off.

As a result, the daughter has enough time for everything - both for studying and for circles. She asked to go to the art school herself, but we went to the introductory class together. She liked it, and she still attends classes with pleasure. Teachers at the school spoke about the circle of local history and robotics.

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Now she draws a lot, so over time her works began to win in various competitions. This motivates her to keep going. I like it too: drawing develops imagination, patience and accuracy, as well as a sense of color and style. This also affects academic success - the daughter writes neatly in the notebook.

The son is not as enterprising as the daughter. He learned about chess and football from me. Went down - loved it. Playing chess develops logic, and this, in turn, helps the son quickly solve problems in mathematics lessons. Football is a great teamwork training. This skill will definitely come in handy in adult life.

It happens that the workload at the main place of study increases, and there is no strength left for hobby groups. In this case, I force anyone to visit clubs by force - sometimes you can skip it. For example, last week my daughter had to make a model of a medieval castle for a history lesson. I warned the teacher at the art school that the child would not be able to come to class because he did not have time to do his homework in the main school.

If you put pressure on responsibility, then in the end you can get a tired child who does not want to go first to circles and sections, and then to school. My kids rarely miss extra classes. For them, the very fact that I will allow you to stay at home is important if there is no inspiration, mood, or strength. I believe that the role of parents is to help identify hidden talents and preferences and support children in their choice.

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Method 2

This is not about monetary or other rewards for good studies, but about what a child can earn on their own thanks to their knowledge and success. For example, every student has a chance to get into Artek for free.

I told the children about this camp myself. "Artek" is located on the Black Sea coast - already a huge incentive to go there. We live very far from Crimea - almost 6,000 km away. But, of course, this is not the only advantage of Artek. I am subscribed to the official group of the camp on Vkontakte and sometimes I show the children how schoolchildren's leisure time is organized there, what interesting people they meet.

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How to send a child to Artek for free

In order to pass the competitive selection and get a ticket for free, you need to score a certain number of points for your academic and extracurricular achievements. A commercial tour in 2021 cost 90,000 R - this is an impressive amount for us. But I tell the children that everything is in their hands: if you want to relax in one of the best camps in the country, do your best.

Daughter applied for the first time this year. She did not have enough points for the uploaded documents, and she could not send it. We had diplomas mainly for distance Olympiads in subjects, and in Artek, as I later realized, diplomas that a child receives in person are more valued. For achievements in the creative field, they give more points. Now my daughter has an incentive - she began to take an active part in drawing competitions.

. The desire to gain knowledge depends on how to stimulate it. My husband and I decided to give children more emotions - we travel around Russia as much as possible. For example, last year we went to Lake Baikal, in 2018 and 2017 - to the Krasnodar Territory. We traveled in our own car, so we managed to show the children half of Russia.

Now, even for birthdays, a son and daughter often ask not for things, but for a trip or a visit to an interesting place. They don't care where, as long as there's something new. They never know in advance where we will go. This is a surprise for them. We have traveled a few places so far, but all these times I wrote them a letter with riddles the day before.

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Next year we plan to go abroad. I want to organize a quest so that there are tasks about the features of the country, and connect questions with the colors of the flag, so that they can then find it on the map and name the country.

Travel, albeit in such a modest amount, shows children the beauty of the world and introduces them to another culture. Last year, my daughter went with a group of students from her school on an excursion to Kazan for a week. The daughter was delighted with the architecture of this city, but Innopolis University impressed her more.

Innopolis is the only high-tech city in Russia. The university is its core, a place where leading Russian and foreign experts in the field of IT and robotics teach. His visit is part of the excursion program. The surprise was that the training there is conducted entirely in English. After visiting the university, the daughter realized how important this subject is, and now she studies with great interest.

Method 3

Studying at school is as difficult as working. If a child talks about a problem, I try to draw an analogy with my activities and say how I deal with the situation. Children are interested in this, they understand that parents are people too. You can give examples from your childhood: how you forgot your notebook at home, but successfully answered at the blackboard, or how you managed to fight back the offender.

In June, from Monday to Saturday in the morning, our school organizes leisure activities for students. Every year my daughter asks me to sign her up for the playground. Children often have to perform there and show their talents. As a number for one event, the daughter chose a song.

She was well prepared, but she was very nervous before the performance. She was afraid that she would forget the words and everyone would laugh at her. Then I told her how I myself performed on stage at a music school and stumbled in the middle of the piece, and then I couldn’t remember what to play next. Started five times. The hall supported me with applause. I was offended, but no one laughed. I pulled myself together and played the play to the end.

Children should understand that it is impossible to know everything. But at any age, it's not a shame to ask for help to get to the bottom of it.

One day our daughter took part in an online math olympiad. She answered one question incorrectly. She became interested in how it was right. My husband and I connected and tried to solve the problem from different points of view. We didn't succeed. We called the teacher and she helped. The teacher was pleased that her subject aroused interest.

My husband and I have been studying all our lives. For example, last year I got a new profession - a specialist in personnel management, and my husband - an electrician. This year, he prepared a lot and passed the exam for category E. The children saw this and were very worried. In the fall of 2021, I defended my diploma in Digital Marketing - I wrote about this program in a separate article.

Although we both have a higher education, and my husband also has a specialized secondary education, we like to study. In addition, it significantly affects our income.

Method 4

The computer is not evil if used wisely. My son loves to spend his free time with gadgets, but thanks to games, his level of knowledge is much higher than that of many peers. For example, he perfectly grasps English words from videos and games. The teacher even called me to find out who our tutor is. At the same time, my children do not go to paid additional classes: I think that this is an extra waste of money from the family budget.

Even regular user games can be useful. For example, from the game Titan Quest, the son learned about mythology. For a class hour about the ancient Greek gods, he prepared an interesting project. He also watches videos with logic riddles, and then asks them on occasion in class. I don’t worry about the content I watch: I work remotely, so I keep track of it.

Interesting channels on YouTube:
children's detectives,
riddles with a trick

Today there are many educational online resources where children can learn new things for free and participate in olympiads. For example, my children like competitions from Foxford. During the distance learning period, our school opted for the YaKlass platform, and there are also interesting tasks on topics.

Online resources for schoolchildren:
YaKlass,
Foxford

The advantage is that all events are held in a playful way, taking into account the age and interests of schoolchildren. I learn about events from email newsletters and articles on rb.ru with the #young hashtag, and then I tell children about them. Son and daughter almost always agree, they are interested. If they don't like something or don't want it, they don't participate.

We live in Siberia. In January-December, children do not walk outside for a long time, as the air temperature stays between -30 . .. -45 ° C. Therefore, during the winter holidays, my daughter studied at the Engineering Reserve of Russia online camp. I told her about him - I found out on rb.ru. Then my daughter began to study on her own. Based on the results of the training, the organizers sent a certificate and a memorable gift.

The certificate did not give anything, but the daughter saw other motivated children and teachers - younger and more creative than they teach at our school. The daughter either prepared a wish card or made a feeder. One of the lectures was definitely about interior design, because the daughter showed her room and told how the colors matched. Such an online camp turned out to be a very good educational and entertaining event.

In the summer, both children attended lectures at Foxford. They chose topics themselves: blogging, drawing, programming. Classes lasted 30 minutes, and the children liked the user-friendly interface and tasks - even some school topics were presented there in such a way that the children remembered them. The rest of the time they spent outside.

Such classes motivate in the future to study school subjects. The son became more interested in computer science. Said he would be a game tester. The daughter dreams of entering an art school, so she focuses on painting and graphics. It may be too early to talk about the choice of a profession, but I am glad that the children are sincerely passionate about something. I try to support them in everything and offer them to participate in such extracurricular activities.

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How I got my kids homeschooled

Method 5

I definitely advocate that there should be a teacher's authority in the family. About teachers in front of children - only respectfully. But we must understand that sometimes teachers are wrong. Telling a child in such a case that he solves his school problems himself is wrong. He won't be able to do it on his own.

Here are two examples from personal experience.

My son has the second preparatory health group. There is a certificate from the doctor, which describes the permissible physical activity. A number of exercises should not be done at all, such as pull-ups and jumping rope. For some reason, the physical education teacher ignored the document from the medical institution, forced me to pass the standards and put C's. I talked with the teacher - the marks were removed. We found a way to earn grades so that it would be enough for the final certification - the son began to study theory, prepare reports and projects. Now there are no problems, and health is already better.

Daughter came home from school in tears. She said that the Russian language teacher criticized her answer at the blackboard and put her at the desk, putting a four. This is a good assessment, at another moment I would not do anything. But after looking at the class work in the notebook, I realized that the teacher was mistaken in reasoning. I wrote to her in Viber, politely explained my position. She agreed that she was wrong. The next day, she thanked my daughter for her attentiveness, apologized in front of the whole class and explained the topic again to the students.

No one is immune from the human factor. But in an argument with a teacher, the child almost always loses. And then the intervention of parents, in my opinion, is necessary. However, it must be correct, without insults and personalities. So children feel supported by the family and are not afraid to go to school.

But there is another side of the coin: you need to teach the child to be responsible for his actions. Do not do for him what he is capable of doing on his own. For example, making a layout for a technology lesson or a presentation on computer science at night. Too lazy to do something - be honest, try to find a way out and fix the situation yourself. I will not argue with a teacher about an unsatisfactory grade for objectively poorly done work.

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Doing homework is also a child's responsibility. I help and check extremely rarely. There is everything at home to prepare well for the lessons: a calm environment, a place to study, a large library and Internet access.

What you need to know about motivating children to study

1. School is not only good marks in the diary. Successful are not those who have a certificate with fives, but those who love to learn.
2. Parents need to identify and help develop the child's natural abilities.

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