How to keep my child in bed
How To Get Your Toddler To Stay In Their Bed All Night
Sleep Tight
It's the longest walk you'll take over and over and over again.
by Patrick A. Coleman
Updated:
Originally Published:
Making the transition from a crib to a toddler bed is a major milestone in a child’s life. But seasoned veterans know that the real challenge isn’t persuading your toddler to sleep in their exciting big-kid bed — it’s what to do when your toddler won’t stay in bed. Because with great freedom comes a great desire to wander back into a parent’s room.
So how do you keep your toddler in bed? For some parents, a toddler that won’t stay in bed is less of an issue. They have an open bed policy, and it doesn’t matter where their toddler sleeps as long as their toddler is sleeping. For other parents, alone time is crucial, and learning how to keep a toddler in bed is a top priority. Enter yet another round of sleep training — toddler edition.
Falling Asleep Independently Will Help Keep Your Toddler in Bed All Night
In the order of operations for helping a toddler stay in bed all night, getting them to a place where they fall asleep independently is at the top of the list. When you are able to leave their room while they are still awake, you know they have developed the skills to self-soothe and fall asleep independently in the first place.
“If your child needs you nearby in order to fall asleep and you leave (either because you have to go attend to something or because you think he or she is asleep), your toddler will absolutely leave the bed to come to find you,” says Dr. Lynelle Schneeberg, director of the behavioral sleep program at Connecticut Children’s Medical Center, and author of Become Your Child’s Sleep Coach: The Bedtime Doctor’s 5-Step Guide, Ages 3-10.
She explains that most kids wake up 2-6 times each night. So view bedtime as a learning opportunity for your toddler, where they develop the skills necessary to meet some of their own needs throughout the night. “If your toddler needs your help to fall asleep at bedtime and you leave only once he or she is deeply asleep,” explains Dr. Schneeberg, “your toddler will leave their bed to come and find you at night after he or she wakes as all kids do.”
Sleep-Training Your Toddler
Sleep training a toddler goes by many names, most of which include the word “walk” in them. That’s because you’ll be walking back and forth between your bed and theirs. Maybe all night. The simple steps are:
- Complete the bedtime routine as normal, including hugs, kisses, and encouragement.
- Leave quickly without fanfare and no answering last-minute pleas or requests.
- If your kid gets up, walk them back to bed calmly, tuck them in again and remind them they need to stay in bed. Leave the room.
- If your kids get up again, walk them back to bed calmly and now silently. Tuck them into bed. Leave the room.
- Repeat.
Getting your kid to stay in bed overnight is not an easy or quick thing to do. It may take a night before it works. It might take five. But it will eventually work. The key is to remain completely calm and quiet in the face of whatever your toddler throws at you. Even if they are literally throwing things at your face.
Need motivation? Just think of the quiet nights of conversation with only you and your partner in bed. Or having sex.
Make Clear Expectations About Staying in Bed
Make sure your toddler knows what you expect from them. Dr. Schneeberg suggests using a bedtime chart if your toddler uses extra steps or requests as “If you have a chart you can say, ‘the chart says it’s time to brush teeth now’ or “hugging the dog again is not on the chart,'” she says.
Charts can be as much for the parent’s benefit as they are for the toddler’s. By bedtime, you’re tired as well and may find it a challenge to keep firm limits. “Parents sometimes think that if they grant all of the requests a child makes when they out of the room then their child will finally fall asleep,” sats Dr. Schneeberg. “In actuality, granting all of these requests actually rewards the child for staying awake.”
If the rigidity of a chart isn’t the best fit for you or your toddler, Dr. Schneeberg notes that a ticket or token system might work better. Each night, your child gets two tickets that they can “spend” on a deviation from the bedtime routine. They can use a ticket on an extra book, a quick drink, or anything else within reason. “Once the two tickets are gone, parents can remind their children to return to bed to play quietly in bed with their comfort objects until they are drowsy enough to fall asleep,’ says Dr. Schneeberg.
Getting Your Toddler Back to Bed
Kids actually have rational reasons for not wanting to go to bed. Staying up is more fun than laying still, and they have a fear of missing out on the entertaining things parents or siblings do at night. Unfortunately, they also drastically miscalculate their ability to be healthy and pleasant without adequate sleep, so it really is imperative that they get back to bed.
Dr. Schneeberg notes that you’ll want to be as brief and boring as possible when returning your child to bed. “Remind your child to play with their small, safe toy or stuffed animal until he or she is sleepy,” she says. “If your child comes to your room at night, you can either let them sleep in a spare bed in your room, you can sleep in a spare bed in their room, or you can walk them back to their room and stay nearby until they are asleep again.”
Luckily, what might feel like an insurmountable challenge at the moment is, in reality, an opportunity to gently reinforce that your child has the tools to stay in bed and that it’s a safe place for them. At some point soon they will sleep through the night. And before you know it, your kid will reach the teenage years, so you’ll be looking for strategies on how to get them out of bed.
This article was originally published on
10 phrases sleep coaches use to keep kids in bed
Trying to get your child to go to sleep is a challenge that most parents face at some point. Whether you’re putting your little one down for a nap or starting the bedtime process, it can sometimes feel like a battle you aren’t going to win. And even if you do, there’s the staying in bed part that can be even more difficult.
It is very common, especially in toddlerhood, for kids to get out of their bed the moment you leave the room—making the bedtime process feel impossible.
After the 64th time of walking your child back to her bed, you might be wondering how you’ll possibly survive this stage, and what it’s going to take for her to stay put.
As a mom who recently went through this with our school-aged child, I completely understand how taxing and frustrating the whole process can be. Thankfully, being a sleep coach came in handy in our situation, and we were able to use several key phrases that made a huge difference.
Here are 10 phrases you can use to help keep kids in bed if you’re currently fighting this battle:
1. “I’ll check on you in 10 minutes.”
Rather than waiting for your child to get up and come find you, assure her that you will return in five or 10 minutes to check in. This will help give her a sense of security that you will come back and teach her that it’s okay to want you, but that it is still expected she stays in her bed.
2. “It’s time to sleep now in your bed. I’m going to sleep in my bed too.”
This doesn’t mean you also need to go to bed right away, but assuring your child that you too will be sleeping in your own bed, helps make that connection that beds are for sleep.
3. “You can have one pass tonight if you need one. After that, I won’t be responding to requests unless it is an emergency.”
We all know this trick. Children are put to bed and then suddenly want a glass of milk, another bedtime story, and a pony. While it is important to make sure your child is safe, responding to every single request can draw out the bedtime process. If you allow your child one or two “asks,” then it can help him to think a bit more about how often to call out to you.
4. “If you don’t get your sleep tonight, we might not be able to do X activity tomorrow since we will just be too tired.”
This isn’t meant as a threat or punishment, but as a reminder that lack of sleep directly correlates with lack of energy. There are negative effects associated with not sleeping enough, and often our children don’t realize this unless we explain it in a tangible way.
5. “If you stay in your bed tonight, we can do an extra activity tomorrow.”
This is not to be used as a bribe or to entice your child to sleep better by rewarding them with treats or other objects. Rather, it emphasizes the direct connection with “more sleep = more energy”—when children have something to look forward to they might take it a bit more seriously.
6. “Can we make it your job to stay in bed tonight and can we count on you to do that?”
Often when we give our kids responsibility it gives them a sense of ownership. Even if it is something as simple as staying in bed, providing them with a “job” to do, can help it feel less scary or overwhelming. You can also ask your child to put his stuffed animals or loveys to bed and have him tell them the same thing.
7. “I know you can do this and I’m here for you.”
Despite our frustrations that our children aren’t going to sleep, it is so important that we provide encouragement as much as possible. Our children count on us to be steady and calm and when we model that behavior along with words of affirmation, our children have a much better chance of feeling safe to fall and stay asleep.
8. “What do you need in order to feel safe?”
It is very common for children to have separation anxiety and fear around sleeping alone and it is important to create an opportunity to address those fears. Talking about them and asking the appropriate questions will help your child work through any feelings of fear or anxiety.
9. “If you’re feeling scared it is okay to come get one of us.”
School-aged children often have real feelings of fear and night terrors, and when you give them the option of seeking comfort from a parent, it can help them feel relief. I have seen the use of this phrase actually minimize the amount of middle of the night wakings because the child feels less anxious knowing they have our support.
10. “Once the light turns green or the timer goes off, you can go ahead and get out of bed.”
The Ok to Wake! clocks or kid-friendly alarms, are a great way to encourage your child to stay in bed until the clock says it’s time. These are typically best to use for the morning hours, but you can also set them for the 10-15 minutes check-ins after going down at bedtime.
There are a few other important factors to consider when using these phrases:
- Try not to use punishment or lose your temper during the process.
- Keep dialogue short when responding to call-outs and questions after bedtime.
- Remember that behavior at bedtime is usually a continuation of how your child behaves throughout the day (e.g., if your child can’t be alone during the day, that isn’t going to change at night).
These phrases can be helpful when managing a child who has a hard time staying in bed, but ultimately taking a look at why the behavior is happening in the first place is important to address the problem at its root.
Your child looks to you for guidance and support in all other areas of life and bedtime isn’t any different. By responding positively, while still implementing firm boundaries, you are helping to establish security and connection—and eventually a better sleeper.
Explore some of our tried-and-true tools for keeping little ones tucked in and happily in their own rooms—most of the time anyway!
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Bed rest for baby. How to keep a child in bed? TOP - 10 useful tips
The first days of illness are over, the child is on the mend, and he does not want to lie in bed at all. How to keep him from unnecessary activity, how to captivate him so that the activity is beneficial?
When you are sick, it is very important to follow the recommendations of your pediatrician. But if taking pills can be dealt with relatively easily, then keeping a little fidget in bed is not an easy task. But in a state of rest, when physical activity decreases, the body will quickly accumulate and restore strength! How to brighten up bed rest and make the recovery process not only fast, but also as useful as possible?
Influenza, SARS
If a child with SARS or influenza has a high temperature and a headache, switch his attention to an interesting activity in which he can lie quietly and do nothing usefully.
Books
Remove your favorite fairy tales and poems from the shelf. Let the stories be fun! You are reading, and the child lies with his eyes closed and listens. If the temperature subsided, he can look at the pictures.
Audio
If you are busy with household chores, then audio fairy tales will come to the rescue. The kid lies, rests, learns and remembers new stories. Any of the fairy tales can be found on social networks. For example, type in the search engine “Pushkin's Tales. Alice Freindlich reads. The velvet voice of the narrator lulls you almost like a mother's lullaby. You can also find recordings of bird voices on social networks. Play "Bird Guessing Game". It will be both educational and fun. When the child recovers, on a walk in the park there will be an opportunity to compare the voices of various birds in the recording and in nature.
Creativity
Offer to play Masters and Apprentice. Sew or knit a toy. You will work, and the kid will tell you what to make hair from, what color buttons will make beautiful eyes. And if needlework is not your forte, pay attention to chocolate egg capsules. They can make great toys. Making them is easy!
• Psychologist's advice
When a child is sick, feels weak, uncomfortable, tactile contact with the mother is important and necessary. Hug him often, stroke his arms and legs. This will not only calm the baby, but also give him the opportunity to better feel your love and care through touch.
Angina, Tonselitis
If a child has a sore throat, offer him games in which you do not have to talk a lot and strain your vocal cords.
TV
Yes, children under 3 should not watch it. Yes, you can not sit in front of the screen for a long time. But a short educational program on a children's channel won't hurt. In addition to knowledge, the baby will make new friends - fairy-tale heroes.
Entertaining problems
Solve problems together or do exercises from magazines to develop logic. Find graphic tasks on the Internet and teach your little nerd to draw according to the diagrams.
Board games
Arrange a big chess or checkers tournament, fight in a sea battle, make a mosaic flower.
Art
Maybe your young Van Gogh is growing up? Offer to draw a grandmother or a friend, put the drawing in a frame, let the child feel like an artist.
Cooking
Play in the cafe, cook fragrant and colorful fruit salads with the little chef. Add some sour cream or whipped cream to them. It's simple, tasty and healthy. But be careful, with a sore throat, citrus fruits or kiwi can lead to irritation.
• Psychologist's advice
Use games to develop auditory and visual attention ("Remember the melody", "Remember the pictures", "Determine what sounds the same"). In order not to strain the vocal cords, instead of answering, ask the child to draw what he remembered. At the same time, imaginative thinking and memory will develop.
Otitis media
Are your ears stuffed up or hurting? We come up with such activities so that the baby does not strain his hearing.
Retelling
When the child had a fever, he listened to fairy tales, and now you can ask him to retell what he remembered. For such an occupation, time will fly by much faster, and the baby will train his memory and conversational skills. Another useful exercise for developing memory is to ask the child to remember and talk about summer vacations (at the sea, with their grandmother in the village). Or he can describe fairy tale characters.
Fictional story
To develop imagination, have your son or daughter imbue an inanimate object with character traits and talk about it.
Word game
All children like to play with words. For example, you need to remember all the fruits and vegetables that you know. Or name objects with the selected letter. Or try to remember the names of cities (use a map). In general, the topic can be anything. But what if your little dreamer comes up with his own game with its own rules and name? Great! So it will be even more interesting!
• Psychologist's advice
Invite your child to do finger exercises, this will help develop motor skills and speech. Play the attention game "I see red (white, blue)". The kid needs to find and name all the red objects in his environment. You can then change the name of the color and continue playing. Two or three colors will be enough. The game should be finished before the child starts to lose interest.
Universal tips
Most recovery activities should focus on getting the child to move less and strain. With some diseases, you need to limit the load on the vocal cords, with others - on hearing or vision, but there are classes that will suit any little patient.
Balloons
Best round or oval. Offer to make little men out of balls, coloring them with felt-tip pens, as in a cartoon about octopuses: "Stick, stick, cucumber, here comes the little man." It will cheer you both up.
Theater
Create your own shadow theater. Curtain the windows, the child can lie or sit, and together with him you will come up with figurines and fairy tales. In addition, you can use finger toys.
Imagination
Make up a fairy tale together about a baby superhero who fights virus enemies. This will give the child extra strength and develop imagination.
Plan
Make a list of good things to do after your recovery (make a bird feeder, feed a cat that lives in the porch, help your grandmother, etc.).
Memory
Lay out the items in a row, ask the baby to look carefully and remember them, then turn away or close your eyes, at this time hide one of the little things. The task is to guess what is missing.
Fantasies
Play a game of making up stories. Offer the baby a couple of first phrases, and what will happen next, he must compose himself. Or take it in turns to come up with a couple of sentences each. Write down a fairy tale and read it to dad in the evening.
Rhymes
Teach your child how to choose rhymes. Read or recite as many verses as you can. Explain what rhyme is, give examples and practice. Perhaps you will grow a second Pushkin or Lermontov.
Sculpting
Sculpt with plasticine, develop fine motor skills. To make it more interesting, tell a story or remember your favorite fairy tale, sculpt characters, or you can create a whole episode.
Guessing game
Place small items in a small opaque bag. Let the baby choose something from it, but do not take it out, but guess by touch what surprise he got.
Role reversal
Imagine that you are a child and your little one is an adult. Let him tell you what to do to get well soon (gargle, drink a potion).
• Psychologist's advice
Have to stay at home with a sick child? Think of it as a great opportunity to spend time together doing something useful. Give children warmth, affection, hugs, say words of encouragement. To keep your child in bed, make up a magical story about the Bed Keeper with him. Figure out together what he looks like and what he likes. Say that the Keeper had to leave for a few days, and he entrusted your child with guarding the crib. The story can be anything, as long as it cheers you up.
How can I keep my baby safe?
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April 23, 2021 read 7-10 minutes
When a child appears in a family, I want to create conditions around him that will allow him to explore the world without being in danger. We tell you how to do it.
There are general safety principles that are important to follow after the appearance of a child in the house:
- furniture and heavy objects must be fixed to the walls
- Store all dangerous, small or sharp objects and batteries out of reach
- do not give your baby toys with small parts, especially magnetic or swelling ones, as well as coins
- Keep all household chemicals locked up or out of reach of a child
- do not leave blenders, razors, mixers and other appliances plugged into the outlet in the public domain
- Locks are required on the windows, it is impossible to leave an open window with a mosquito net - children often lean on it and can fall out
- , all sockets must have plugs, and boxes with dangerous objects must have locks.
Now let's analyze the rules of behavior in different zones of living space.
Children's
For most of the day, the baby sleeps and is not yet in control in sleep, so the safety of the bed is important.
There are many disputes about whether it is possible for a child to sleep with parents or not, and each family decides this issue independently. But from a safety point of view, co-sleeping carries more risks than separating. The main reasons for concern are the possible suffocation of the child if he gets tangled in the blanket and falls out of bed. Therefore, if a family chooses to sleep together, you need to pay attention to some points:
- adults can cover themselves with a blanket only up to the waist
- no pets in the bed
- do not put the child between the parents, especially if one of them sleeps restlessly
- do not drink alcohol if a child is sleeping in bed
- if there is no way to protect the bed or sofa with sides or put the child against the wall, consider moving to a mattress on the floor
- it might be worth getting a side bed for co-sleeping, so the child sleeps next to, but in a safe space to sleep.
“When buying furniture for a newborn, the safety of materials, structural strength and reliability of mechanisms are important,” says Elena Melnik, pediatrician at the Fantasy clinic. - For the safety of children's sleep, world medical organizations recommend the absence of items in the crib: pillows, blankets, soft sides, soft toys, a canopy. That is, the baby's sleeping place is only a mattress of moderate hardness with a stretch sheet. Let me remind you that you can only put a newborn to sleep on its back.”
When choosing a bed, you should pay attention to whether there is a protective bar on the sides. Then the baby will not be able to chew on the edge of the bed and injure himself with chips.
Also, soft sides are not needed in a baby bed, they look beautiful in photographs, but if you leave a child in bed alone, then it is better to remove them. The kid can get tangled in the strings, and the older child will try to use such a side as a springboard on the way to freedom and may fall out.
“Another danger of a baby bed is the wide gaps between the bars,” explains GMS Clinic pediatrician Emilia Gavrilova. - A child can put a leg or a handle between the bars, cannot get it out, and if he fails to pull it out, he can break it. It is also important that the side of the bed is always raised. Before 6 months, it must be raised to the middle level so that the child cannot fall out. If he knows how to sit or is about to learn, then the sidewall should always be raised to a high level. At the same time, it is important that the mattress is not high so that the child cannot get out of the crib. Children can sometimes do things that no one expects, so these things must always be controlled.
The changing table should be stable and comfortable so that you can put everything you need to care for your baby nearby: hygiene products, a change of clothes, clean diapers and a wastebasket for used ones. This is necessary so as not to leave the child, who lies on the changing table or board.
“For safety reasons, never leave the baby alone on the changing table,” Elena Melnik warns, “even for a second from birth, in order to develop this habit by the time the child can jump off the table on his own. If there is an urgent need to leave, it is better to put the baby on the floor. It is also important to screw chests of drawers and cabinets to the walls.”
Bath
You can't leave a child alone here. Even if it seems that he will not slide down the hill or wriggle out of the bathing chair. When a child moves into a large bath, it is better to lay a non-slip mat on the bottom.
It's best to use a bathing thermometer when drawing water to make sure the water is at a comfortable temperature.
Bath toys are better to buy whole, without holes. If water gets inside, mold will grow there and the toy will have to be thrown away.
“If a child bathes in a circle,” says Elena Melnik, “do not leave him alone. The baby needs to be secured against hitting the sides, when turning around, not to allow jumps and make sure that he does not bite the notch for the chin. Also, when choosing a wheel, you must follow the manufacturer's recommendations for age and weight. When bathing babies in the first months of life, a few minutes are enough. If the child has pathologies from the musculoskeletal system, nervous system or heart, then before using the circle, you should consult a doctor.
There are many products for bathing a child, but plain tap water is enough for daily washing. Until the age of active walks, the baby almost does not get dirty, so you do not need to wash it every day with shampoo and soap without visible contamination.
“For bathing, you should not use potassium permanganate, other antiseptics and herbal decoctions,” Elena explains. - Bathing products for babies should be labeled 0+, the rest is at the discretion of the parents and according to the individual reaction of the child. Bathing a child with sensitive skin, such as atopic dermatitis, usually requires special detergents, the use of which is best discussed with a doctor.
Kitchen
This is the most dangerous place for children. Parents are busy preparing food and cannot always keep track of the baby. Therefore, for the safety of the child, it is better to follow a few rules:
- cook food on the burners far from the edge so that the child cannot reach the hot pot and boiling water
- if the oven does not have laminated safety glass, then it is better to block the door or keep the baby out of the kitchen while cooking in the oven
- on stove handles need protection, especially if the stove is gas. If there is no protection, the child will be able to remove the handles
- All knives, forks and other sharp objects must be kept either in a locked drawer or at a height out of the reach of a child
- before carrying something hot in your hands, you need to make sure that the path is clear.
It is better to feed the baby in a special stable chair with five-point harnesses. This will not only benefit the eating habit and culture, but will also help keep the child from falling. How to properly introduce complementary foods and what to feed, we recently wrote.
Street
Stroller. When buying, pay attention to protection against sudden folding. You need to unfold the stroller until it clicks, which means that it is completely unfolded and safe for the baby. There should be five-point harnesses inside the stroller, so when buying a winter envelope, you need to pay attention to whether there are slots in it.
Do not hang packages on a hook on a handle or crossbar. Too heavy purchases can outweigh, and the stroller will tip over on its side. It is better to store things in a basket.
car seat. When choosing, it is better to focus on the international rating of car seats. The site publishes the results of crash tests and you can choose the safest option, there is also a Russian version. The most common mistake is incorrect installation. Therefore, if the design of the car allows, it is better to choose an isofix car seat. It excludes incorrect installation.
When buying a used car seat, you need to make sure that it has not been in an accident. In this case, its protective properties may weaken. To do this, you need to remove the outer cover and look at the foam and structures inside the chair. They must be intact, without cracks or dents.
Carrying. Safe: properly wound sling, ergo backpack and kangaroo. The rest are hard to wear and difficult to monitor the access of air to the child.
Olena Melnyk tells you what you need to carry your baby safely in a carrier:
- strict observance of the rules for their use specified by the manufacturer: age, weight restrictions, donning pattern, continuous use time.
- free air circulation next to the baby's nose, the baby's open face and chin are not pressed to the chest.
- control over the position of the child in the sling and their movements: squats instead of bends.
- The baby's legs should be in the M-position, that is, they should be wide apart, the knees are higher than the hips. This is necessary for the prevention of hip dysplasia.
- the baby, especially the first three months of life, should not "hang" on the perineum. An upright position is allowed if the back of the baby is evenly fitted by a sling or backpack and the baby is tightly pulled to the parent. This reduces the load on the baby's spine.
- do not carry your baby in a carrier for more than an hour without interruption.
It is necessary to carry the child in the M-position (frog position) and tightly drawn to the parent until he begins to sit confidently. Then the back muscles will get stronger, they will hold the baby's spine, and you can start using the hipsit and other seated carriers.
- The main thing for the safety of the baby is the constant presence of an adult
- If you need to move away from the baby, it is better to put him on the floor, not on the bed or changing table
- All dangerous items should be locked up or stowed as high as possible
- Increased parental anxiety can harm the baby, so give him the opportunity to freely explore the world under your supervision.
Pediatrician
Source ePharmacy
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