How to help a homesick child
5 parent-approved tips on how to manage your child’s homesickness ‹ EF Academy Blog
At any age, moving across the country (or across the world) is both a hectic and exciting experience. Alongside all the excitement and anticipation of moving to a brand new place, people often experience sadness and apprehension when leaving home. Having a strong emotional connection to home, and the people and memories there, is special – but it can also make it very challenging to leave and start a new chapter of life. Homesickness is a natural part of adjusting to life in a new setting.
There are a plethora of complex emotions that students may feel when they relocate to begin life at boarding school or university. If this is their first time being away from home for long periods of time, it may be especially hard on your whole family when your child leaves. Even while you and your student are eager to begin this new chapter of life, homesickness often creeps in, making it difficult for you and your student to feel comfortable with this big lifestyle chance. If your child is feeling especially homesick, here are five tips that may help you both cope with this new adjustment.
Validate your child’s emotions
Homesickness is something that almost everyone has struggled with in their lives. As your child adjusts to their new atmosphere, chances are they will miss the familiarity of life at home. This feeling may manifest through a plethora of different emotions, and one of the best things you can do as a parent is to tell them that whatever they’re feeling is okay! When your student is feeling homesick, they may feel weak or embarrassed in the presence to some of their peers who may be more used to being away from home. Remind your student that homesickness is nothing to be ashamed of – this will help them to feel less isolated as they navigate both a new lifestyle and a new set of complex emotions.
Take advantage of the technology available to you
Remember, we live in the golden age of technology – use it! Even just a couple of decades ago, it was extremely difficult to internationally communicate in real-time.
Now, we have these incredible technologies like Skype and WhatsApp to help us connect with people all over the world. When your child is feeling homesick, a quick phone call or video chat might help them feel closer to you. Seeing a familiar face and hearing your voice will remind them that you’re still there when they need you, despite their newfound independence.
Be careful, however, that you don’t overdo it. Of course, you want to be there for your child when they need you, to comfort and encourage them. It is important that you be available, but try not to distract them from what’s going on in their new space. While you may want to be in constant communication, be mindful of how this may hinder their involvement in the community. If your child is always talking to you, that means they are likely not making a conscious effort to adjust to their new surroundings. Try to find the balance between being accessible and giving them space to try new things in their new home.
Encourage them to go out and get involved
Homesickness often manifests most strongly when students are feeling isolated, or when they don’t have other activities to take their mind off of missing home.
Sometimes, all it takes to get rid of homesickness is a good distraction. Before they leave, you could make a list together of fun adventures to go on in their new location. If your child is feeling homesick upon arrival to their new home, encourage them to get out of their room and go do something! Exercising and being outside are two of the best ways that your child can naturally boost their mood. As they settle into their new space, encourage them to explore the surrounding areas with friends or roommates. Even if they just go for a walk outside or get dinner with some friends, it may take their mind off of home.
Send little reminders of home
Having mementos from home can really ease homesickness as your student settles into a new place. As they prepare to leave, be sure they pack some of their dearest treasures from home (photos, a favorite book, a blanket). Once they arrive at their new residence, it’s a great idea to send a care package or a letter on occasion.
There’s nothing better than getting a surprise box in the mail filled with things from home. Try sending your child’s favorite foods or some small trinkets that might remind them of their home, their family, or their culture. Photos of family and friends or a handwritten note for your child to tack above their desk will serve as a daily visual reminder that you’re always there.
Give them something to look forward to
Plan visits or trips that you can both look forward to. Having a date on the calendar when your child will get to see their family and friends can be a great way to manage homesickness. It not only gives you a chance to see each other, but also gives your child a goal to reach. This will encourage them to push through the hard times so they can receive a super fun reward: seeing you! Even if you can’t plan a trip to see each other, encourage them to visit somewhere new for a weekend every once in a while with friends.
Combating homesickness at EF Academy
At EF Academy, there are lots of tools to help our students cope with their adjustment to boarding school.
When new students arrive at EF Academy each year, whether in Oxford, Torbay, or New York, there is a special welcome program to help students acclimate to their new environments. This first week on campus is filled with all kinds of activities and learning opportunities to keep the students busy. Overloading their schedules with things like dances, sports and group games helps them to make friends and keep their minds on how much fun they’re having (instead of how much they miss home).
This continues throughout the year, as there are constant opportunities for students to engage in all kinds of activities when they’re not in class. The activities departments and on-campus staff work hard to plan intramural sports tournaments, trips to the movies, karaoke nights, and all kinds of other fun events. Having so many options of exciting things to participate in will help EF Academy students acclimate, get to know new people, and keep homesickness at bay.
One other major way the schools help to support students when they experience homesickness is through their caring and supportive team of residential advisors and house parents.
They understand how difficult it can be to send a child to an unfamiliar place at such a young age. The excellent teams of advisors and adult mentors provide round-the-clock pastoral care to the students. Additionally, the guidance office, student success counselors and pathway managers are trained to help students cope with emotional challenges as they acclimate to their new home. Consistently being in touch with the people who make sure all EF Academy students are thriving helps to set the minds of parents at ease. When the students are experiencing homesickness or going through something tough, remember they have a constant support system surrounding them to ensure their emotional well-being.
Comforting A Child Who Feels Homesick
By Simon Books
If you have a child(ren) who are about to be away from home for long periods of time, you can help by teaching them these healthy coping tools.
It is normal for a person to experience sadness and apprehension when leaving home, alongside excitement and anticipation of moving to a new place. A lot of people get homesick, including grownups. For little kids, spending time away from home can be a frightening prospect. Such feelings are clear signs of being homesick and they are quite normal.
All children despite their age can get homesick. However, younger kids tend to be more prone to homesickness. As they grow up, children have to undergo the natural part of adjusting to life in new settings. At some point, kids have to join daycare or school. As they grow older they may have to go on camping trips or go to their friends’ house. In special circumstances, kids may be forced to leave their homes for a while.
If you have a child or children who are about to be away from home for long periods of time, you can help by teaching them healthy coping tools. According to GoodTherapy, if your child shows any signs of fear or anxiety before leaving home, avoid bribing, cajoling, or bargaining.
Instead, empathize. Help her to gain insight into her process and offer support.
How do you comfort a child who feels homesick?
RELATED: The Dos & Don'ts Of Comforting Your Child After A Nightmare
9/9 Provide Them Something to Look Forward To
Photo by Andy Kuzma from PexelsIf you are planning a trip for your child, set a specific date on a calendar. This will prepare your child mentally and have something to look forward to. Doing this will help him manage homesickness.
Talk about how exciting the trip is going to be and how much fun he is going to have with his family or friends. Your child will be more focused on the trip rather than dwell on the fact that he will be away from home.
8/9 Tell Them It’s OK to Feel Homesick
Photo. by Pixabay from PexelsExplain to your child that she may experience homesickness while she is away and that it is normal. According to WebMD, talking to your kids about the upcoming separation can help them cope while they are away.
Let your child know that they can call back home if they need to every time they feel homesick. But be careful not to allow them to spend most of their time calling home.
7/9 Stay In Touch
Photo by Julia M Cameron from PexelsIf you will not be with your children when they are away, find a way of how you will communicate with them. According to Family Education, you can choose to write letters or emails.
6/9 Let Them Carry a Piece of Them
Kids experience homesickness mostly during the night time especially younger children. Pack a stuffed animal or your child’s favorite blanket for his trip. You can also include his favorite music playlist or bedtime story to help him sleep better.
5/9 Encourage Them to Explore
Photo by VisionPic .net from PexelsHomesickness manifests most strongly when a child is feeling isolated. Kids need to be kept busy to help take their minds off from home. Ensure that your kids engage in a lot of activities that can keep them distracted.
Have them explore their new surroundings as well according to WebMD.
4/9 Offer Encouragement
Photo by Edward Cisneros from UnsplashIf your child is going to a new place, encourage them to open up to new experiences. Use words like ‘you can do it’. Also, remind them to take deep slow breathes anytime they experience anxiety.
3/9 Advise Them to Talk To Their Caregivers
If you will not accompany your kids on their trip, assure them that they are in safe hands. Encourage them to talk to their caregivers whenever they feel homesick and address their feelings. Remind them that you are thinking of them and that you are just a phone call away in case they need you.
2/9 Leave Them Notes
The fatigue of traveling can take a toll on kids which often tempts them to feel overwhelmed and homesick. When packing their bags, leave small personal notes reminding them how much fun they will have. Such notes make it easy for the kids to be on their own in the coming days.
Don’t forget to discuss your child’s routine with your host. Also, explain the new routine your child should expect while he is away. It will help your child learn of the variations and help him adjust accordingly.
As you encourage your child to have fun while he is away, remember it is ok to allow them to come home if he is really having a terrible time away. Teaching your kids how to cope with homesickness is an important developmental milestone. It helps them to grow to be independent.
NEXT: 6 Ideas To Get Kids Physically Comfort While In Virtual Class
Sources: webmd.com, familyeducation.com, goodtherapy.org.
Separation is not a disaster: how not to lose touch with a child
Sometimes parents need to urgently and for a long time leave their child. After a long separation, it may happen that the child does not recognize you, but you do. Our blogger Natalya Andryushkova, together with the psychologists of the Road to Home Charity Fund, tells how to survive separation and improve communication after it.
Every parent had situations when they had to leave their children with other adults. After parting, children do not always run to meet us with joy. Sometimes they can rudely push away and hold on to the person they were with in our absence. What kind of force pulls a child from us to another person? The answer lies in the strength of attachment between people.
Attachment itself is a polar thing. If we are drawn to some, then we are automatically repelled from others. This happens unconsciously: the brain is comfortable being in one relationship at the moment, and it does not want to make abrupt transitions to others.
A small child cannot mix feelings. It can be difficult for him to rebuild from one attachment to another. At this moment, the child is with one adult and he has a great relationship, then another appears in the field of view, which also claims to be in contact. It takes time for the child to remember that this is also his beloved person and he needs him.
Here are some tips for communicating
- Be in a good mood when communicating with your child; remember that it is very important for him to see that you are happy to communicate with him.
- Make plans, talk about the future, consult with your child. So he will feel needed, close, he will understand that you are interested in him. It will be easier for you to understand what the child likes, what interests him and what he wants.
- If your child attends any club, try to come to his classes.
- Go to the cinema, park, museums together, try to give more knowledge, teach him to share his impressions.
You cannot expect that after separation from you the child will be the same as he was before separation. This must be taken into account. Talk to your child about what he can talk about: about him, about himself. It is difficult to say what is better not to talk about. This can only be understood by the behavior of the child.
You should try to show that your interest in him is sincere.
Any separation of a parent from a child is a great stress for both, and a long one is even more so. It doesn't matter how many months or years the child is, both of you still miss you a lot. Remember that separation should not be perceived as a disaster: in any case, it will end with a long-awaited meeting.
Several practical examples on this topic
Father is forced to go on a long business trip for six months to another city due to work. The family remained at home - a wife and a small child, a two-year-old son. During the absence of dad, the boy went to kindergarten, began to speak. At the time of the father's arrival, the child was experiencing a crisis of three years "I myself", which is characterized by stubbornness, self-will, negativism, upholding one's opinion.
The father really missed his son, a small helpless child who fell asleep in his arms, drank milk from a bottle and sought protection from loud noises in the street, but the father's idea of his son diverged from reality.
My wife brought a strong boy from the kindergarten, who looked at him warily, refused to hug. He clung to his mother all the time, then threw a tantrum because he did not want to undress, refused dinner and went to play with a new car that his father brought him from a business trip. The father was upset and began to express his claims to his wife that she had poorly raised her son in his absence, spoiled him. The parents quarreled.
Further, the father decided to correct his wife's mistakes and became very strict and exacting towards his son. The mother began to stand up for the child, and the conflicts of the parents began to occur in front of the boy. As a result, it became simply impossible to negotiate with the child, he began to have neurotic reactions (enuresis, tics), which angered his father even more. The crisis of three years for the child dragged on, the quarrels of the parents became daily, and they decided to disperse. This is an example of how unrealistic expectations and the inflexible position of a parent can destroy the relationship with the child and, as a result, the entire family.
How to avoid such problems?
1. It is necessary to communicate with the child during separation. There are many opportunities for this now: Skype, video calls and other means of communication. In the process of communication, you can track changes in the development and behavior of the child and be ready for them when you meet.
2. Do not immediately get actively involved in the process of upbringing , look around, let the child get used to the new situation for him.
3. Immediately organize a single union with your other half , to develop uniform requirements for the child in accordance with his age characteristics. If you don’t know how to behave properly with a child at his age, the Internet or psychologists will help you. A two-year-old child quickly forgets what happened to him six months ago. Development goes too fast at this age.
What to do if a child of 5–7 years old misses a parent who is separated from him or her?
For example, the mother ended up in places of detention and the girl stayed with her grandmother.
The girl's attachment to her mother was formed, and the child was very homesick for his loved one.
A wise adult next to a yearning child will definitely see and share the feelings of a little person: “I see that you are sad. Do you miss mom? I miss her a lot too!”; will dispel the doubts of the child (children often think that he was abandoned, that he is not worthy of love): “Mom loves you very much and misses you. You are the most precious person to her. If mom could, she would come to you this very minute. You are not guilty of anything before her”; will give hope: “Mom will return soon, and we will live together happily ever after” and fill the child’s time with motivation for development: “Mom would really like how you put away the toys. She will come and see how helpful and clever you are!” You can also make drawings and crafts for mom, wishes mom health and a speedy return. Be with your child in this difficult process of waiting for a close and dear person.
The material was prepared by psychologists of the Charity Fund "The Road to Home".
You are in the "Blogs" section. The opinion of the author may not coincide with the position of the editors.
The child is homesick. What to do? ‹ EF Academy Blog
Moving to another city, and even more so a country, at any age is an exciting, but at the same time difficult experience. Along with the excitement and anticipation of moving to a new place, people often experience sadness and apprehension when leaving home. Having a strong emotional connection to home, people, and memories can be difficult before starting a new chapter in life, however, homesickness is a natural part of adjusting to life in a new environment.
Children experience many complex emotions when they move to start life at a boarding school or university. If they've never left the house for long periods of time before, it can be especially difficult for your family. Even if you and your future successful student are itching to start this new chapter of life, homesickness often prevents both you and your child from feeling comfortable in the new environment.
If your child is feeling bored away from home, try our five tips to help the whole family cope.
Let your child know that his feelings and experiences are natural
Almost everyone experiences homesickness at some point in life. At school, the environment will not be familiar, the atmosphere will be new, and, most likely, the children will miss life in the family circle. This feeling can manifest itself through many different emotions. What should parents do? First of all, support them and tell them that everything they feel is good! When a child experiences homesickness, they may feel weaker than some of their peers who were better prepared to be away from home. Remind your child that homesickness is not something to be ashamed of and they will feel less isolated and less embarrassed by complex emotions.
Take advantage of new technologies
Remember, we live in the age of technology - use it! For a couple of decades, we could not even imagine that we would be able to communicate in real time with a person who is in another country.
Now we have many applications such as Skype or WhatsApp. When a child is homesick, a phone call or video chat from you will help them feel closer to you and know that when they need their parents, you are there for them.
However, it is very important not to overdo it here. Of course, you want to be there for your child to comfort and encourage him. It is important that you are available, but try not to distract him too much from the events on campus. If your child talks to you very often, it means that he probably does not make much effort to make friends with his new environment. Try to find a balance - along with your communication and support, the child should receive from you the motivation to adapt to new conditions.
Encourage them to be active
Homesickness is strongest when students feel isolated or have no other activities to distract them with. Sometimes all it takes to get rid of homesickness is to make the most of your day with different events.
Before the child leaves for school, you can make a list of each item that the child must complete during their stay at school. Encourage his new hobbies and remind him about the benefits of outdoor walks, sports and new acquaintances.
Send them souvenirs from home
When you pack your bags together, make sure your child takes their favorite treasure from home with them - no matter what it is, even if you think this toy dinosaur is stupid. Let the child create a real cosiness in his room on campus - after all, the atmosphere is so important for learning and well-being! And your favorite bed linen / blanket / photos will help create and maintain a sense of home. We also recommend periodically sending a parcel with small souvenirs, favorite sweets or a letter from home. This way, you will always be there - and not only in the photo that the child will hang on the wall.
Plan trips together
Let your child look forward to a certain day - after all, you can meet family and friends not only during the holidays! You can come to his school, look at the campus and, if necessary, cheer him up (and get to know the teachers at the same time!).
