Taming the Disorganized Child: Tools to help you with your distracted and disorganized child | CHC | Services for Mental Health and Learning Differences for Young Children, Teens and Young Adults
By Maria Deniston, MS, OTR/L, Occupational Therapist and Jill Yochim, MA, Educational Specialist
James, a middle-schooler, comes home from a long day at school and looks forward to downtime playing video games. After dinner, he searches for 15 minutes to find the scrap of paper where he wrote down his homework assignments, while his mother does the same, providing help that he does not appreciate. Upon finding the scribbled down assignment, three paragraphs on the night’s social studies reading, James shuts down. He says it’s too much. For half an hour his mother cajoles him, trying to convince him that he can get it done while he argues back. Finally, she gives him an ultimatum–finish the work or no video games. Resentfully, James reads the social studies text for 15 minutes and writes three acceptable paragraphs in another 25 minutes. The assignment, which has created tension between them, took 40 minutes to complete. The evening’s entire homework saga, however, took nearly an hour and a half.
Cassie is a seven-year-old who can’t seem to get ready for school in the morning without constant nagging from her mother. Her mother has given her three things to take care of by herself: brushing her teeth, getting dressed and brushing her hair. Inevitably, when it is time to head out the door, none of the tasks have been completed and she is in her room mesmerized by one of her Barbies. Her mother is exasperated with telling her repeatedly to “Brush your teeth” or “Get dressed!” and tired of being rushed every morning. She finally brushes Cassie’s hair and dresses her because if she doesn’t they will be late. She can’t understand how Cassie gets distracted so easily or her daughter’s inability to accept the structure she tries to provide.
Disorganized or distracted behavior seems analogous with childhood. Children are known for getting distracted easily, especially when there is so much to lure their attention–music, TV, toys, their natural need to fidget, etc. But some kids struggle more than others. For those who struggle the most, distraction or disorganization can actually lead to a lifetime of perceived failure, lack of self-esteem and an inability to function in the world.
To avoid this, children need to develop a range of skills and habits that they may be missing in key areas, like planning and organization, time management, task initiation and impulse control. As children try to learn these skills and experience success, they are more likely to sense how their actions can have a positive impact on the world around them. If not, they may give up on wanting to try. With enough negative feedback, they may get overloaded and shut down.
So how do you help the disorganized child develop skills and habits in these areas? Work on getting the habits to become automatic. Kids need lots of practice. Use structure to establish order. For some parents this is tricky. Perhaps, organization doesn’t come easily to you so you’re unsure how to begin. Or you are so organized you can’t understand how your child isn’t, and you tend to do things for him. Identify your own tendencies so you can better understand your child and your relationship. Structure may seem constraining, but within it is freedom. Starting with a lot of structure and slowly pulling back over time will help your child develop the habits you want.
Here are four steps and examples to get you started:
Make measureable attainable goals: Re-think your expectations and set short-term goals. Children need to feel like they’re making progress. Break a task into smaller steps and take one task at a time. If you give your child too much to take on at once, he may feel overwhelmed and be unwilling to try. Remember to focus on small achievements and give credit when they are accomplished.
With a child like Cassie who has trouble getting out of the house in the morning, try breaking her tasks into smaller parts. See if she can complete one of the tasks, like brushing her teeth, without supervision for a few weeks before you introduce another one. Create a visual chart of what she must do. Or tape a picture of Cassie brushing her teeth to the inside of her door. When she wakes up in the morning, she sees the picture and is reminded of what she needs to do. Add tasks like brushing hair and getting dressed after brushing her teeth becomes a habit. Reduce your expectation from having her complete all of the tasks to mastering one task at a time, and she will have a greater likelihood of success.
Provide external structure: Give more help at first to establish the routine, and then take it away slowly over time. If you provide motivation and positive reinforcement at the outset your child will develop new habits and routines in the long run.
For instance, try getting his backpack straightened with the acronym PACK: Purge, Accessorize, Categorize, and Keep It Up! (developed by Donna Goldberg in The Organized Student). Reference PACK often and make sure he understands the steps. Help him Purge what he doesn’t need. Provide leading questions so he comes to decisions on his own, such as “What do we do first?” Accessorize with pouches or cases that can hold small, miscellaneous items. Categorize papers and make compartments so that everything has a place. For younger kids, you can even take a picture of what is supposed to be inside the container and stick the picture to the exterior so he knows what goes inside. Keep following the practice every night (Keep It Up!). Eventually, he will develop the habit of going through his backpack on his own.
Engage your child in the process: Find the right motivator.
James’s parents sense his frustration and decide to talk with him about what they can change together. They empower him to control his schedule by giving him the freedom to choose how to spend his free time but developing parameters on how to earn it. They create a color-coded schedule with his school commitments in green, family in blue, and sports in orange so that James can visualize his scheduled and unscheduled time. His motivation is all the unscheduled, white space that he sees after 7:00 PM. A color-coded schedule shows him his commitments and helps him understand that he has free time to look forward to once his obligations have been met.
Adapt his environment: If your child needs stimulation to stay alert, provide alternative seating, like a ball chair, so he can wiggle around while he works. Reduce visual distractions or create a special space just for homework. For the child who has trouble sitting still, give motor breaks. Physical activity is good–distracted kids need to release energy so they can try to focus calmly on their task. If something doesn’t work, try again and adapt it to fit with your child.
For an active, fidgety child, give him a break from sitting to run a few laps or ride his scooter. Exercise or heavy work can calm him so that he can focus on his schoolwork afterward. Set boundaries by suggesting a five-minute race outside on the condition that when you come in, it’s time to study. Keep trying new strategies . Sometimes a minor tweak can make the difference.
Look for small successes leading to big gains over time.
The goal for the disorganized child is to get him to self-monitor and to create the ability to complete what’s expected of him without even thinking about it. For organized adults, this comes easily because they’ve had years of experience or childhood training from a parent who provided structure and reinforcement. For children with a propensity for being disorganized and distracted, setting up an environment where small accomplishments are celebrated and skills are built over time can lead to a happy, confident child who grows into an independent, confident adult. You too can feel confident that you have provided the tools necessary for your child’s success.
Tips for helping the disorganized child be more organized
While some children need no help in this area, other children tend to be very disorganized. This is hard on the child and the parent because it can lead to frustration, misplacing important papers, and losing personal items. Clutter can even increase anxiety and can bring about signs of depression.
Today we are sharing some strategies for helping the disorganized child be more organized. Typically, when a child is disorganized, it impacts their bedroom, their desk/workspace, and their closet the most. Toys, clothes, and school papers often cover every surface and fill every nook and cranny.
So what can we do about the problem? We don’t want to continue to nag our children, but we also don’t want them to forget important things or lose important things because of being disorganized. The main key to organization is having fewer things and having a place for everything.
Tips for helping the disorganized child be more organized
I know that a messy desk is often a sign of genius (read that story here!), but I also want to help when I see a child that is struggling to keep himself or herself on task because of disorganization.
1. Keep Needed Items
Parents can assist their child by determining which items are needed. One way to decide which items are really needed is to look at what is used on a regular basis.
Careful consideration should be given to the items in each of the following categories:
Toys, Games, and Books. Perhaps the child struggles with reading. It is commendable to encourage the child to read. Bookstores are on every corner, and the child’s room can soon look like a library. Consider whether or not the books are actually read. A less-cluttered option could be to make a weekly trip to the local library.
Let the child choose a few interesting books. The library books will take up less space and will assist the child is keeping his room clean.
School Supplies. Stores are filled with endless items to assist with organization. However, if the items are distractions, or if they are not used they are really in the way. They cause more of a problem than a help. One example of this is highlighters. Used effectively, highlighters are a wonderful tool for focused study.
However, many students choose to use them to highlight every line in a text or to simply color pictures. If the child is in middle school and does not use highlighters effectively, they are more of a distraction than a help. Highlighters could be removed from the mass of school supplies to assist the child with the organization.
Clothing. The greatest pair of jeans in the world is only cluttered if the child never wears them. The jeans become a time-clutter item as well if they are cause for discussion on a school morning. Helping children to stay organized by trimming his closet, so that it only holds the items that are needed or worn, will really help. So many times outgrown or disliked clothes stay in the closet, just to avoid the task of going through the clothes and making choices. In the long run, too many things just lead to more mess.
Personal Care Items and Accessories. These items can range from a collection of hair bows to a large array of books or building blocks. Again, these items are wonderful gifts, and they encourage self-care and build self-esteem. It is helpful, however, to periodically clean them out and to keep only the regularly used items.
2. Have a Place for Each Item
Help the child determine a place for each item. If the items have a specific home, they will be much easier to pick up and maintained in an organized fashion.
Many children and adults struggle organization. Taking care of fewer items leaves more time for fun. This helps because it reduces the risk of distraction & increases the possibility of more focus, which offers a sense of accomplishment.
3. Create Visual Reminders
For very important tasks, children may do well with reminder sticky notes placed prominently. For instance, if a child has to turn in a textbook on a certain day, a written reminder (as long as it is very visible) may help jog their memory to take it to school.
4. Show Kids What is Expected of Them (Pictures work!)
Another strategy is for the parent to clearly define what is expected of the child before assigning them a task. Like all children, ADD children to learn by different methods. Some kids may be verbal learners (although almost all children with ADD are not good at remembering lists, so parents may have to tell them something they want to be done, wait for them to complete it and then assign them the next task), although the majority of ADD children tend to be visual learners.
For these children, parents will want to show the children exactly what they want to be done – for instance, take a photograph of their room when it is cleaned the way it should be done and then tack this to a bulletin board in their room or tape it to the back of their bedroom door, so they can look at it and see what needs to be done to make the photo “match” the room.
5. Empower Them
Parents can inspire their child with words of praise when some of these strategies are successfully employed. Helping a child see that he or she can figure out ways to work with their condition is empowering. Parental pride goes a long way toward a successful continuation of these good habits. Let your child know that you are proud of the way that they are taking care of their space and their things.
These strategies will help to give your child calm, organized home atmosphere. They are worth the time and effort to work to help your child understand and implement them.
For more tips, check out this tip on how to teach a child to clean their room without nagging them.
About Becky Mansfield
Hi! I'm Becky Mansfield ~ founder of Your Modern Family. I am the wife to Mickey & the mom to four little blessings! I am a teacher turned play therapist and stay at home Mom. I love to share my organization tips, kid ideas, money-saving tips and recipes with you. Read more...
There is a lot of talk these days about the rise in the number of mental disorders in society, but many people have very vague ideas about this very vague concept. Despite the fact that now psychiatrists are doing everything possible to inform the population as best as possible about stress, depression, anxiety, neuroses, more severe mental disorders, there is very little literature written by experts for the average layman, and on the Internet there is an abundance of information written either difficult language, or simply illiterate. All this ultimately leads to the fact that such information is not only contrary to reality, but also harmful.
It is impossible to sort everything out in one article and give clear instructions on the relationship between the patient and his relatives, but it is possible to bring to a holistic picture the idea of this complex group of diseases (the terms "disease" and "disorder" from a medical point of view are largely close, but not identical*). Therefore, my task is to acquaint the reader with this complex problem, primarily related to relationships and assistance to those suffering from severe mental illnesses.
* It is desirable to know the most basic terms, then it will be easier for the doctor to help both the patient himself and his relatives. In addition, you should not use terms that are not well known to you, it is better to describe the situation or condition as you understand it.
So, mental (or mental, because psyche - translated from Greek means the soul ) disorders - are painful conditions of a person with psychopathological (i.e., with mental disorders) and behavioral (i.e., they do not always appear, for example, in case of neurosis, when a person by willpower keeps himself within the limits of cultural society up to a certain point) manifestations due to the influence of biological, psychological, social and other factors.
Let's not confuse with psychosis (or psychotic) disorders, which are characterized by gross and contradictory environmental disorders of thinking, perception and behavior (delusions, in a medical, not philistine view; hallucinations; psychomotor agitation; suicidal behavior, etc. ).
It is important to note that the problem of mental disorders is interdisciplinary and even interdepartmental, social. Rehabilitation is needed, not just treatment.
As for the diagnosis. Diagnosis - definition and recognition, an indication of the disease. In medicine, and especially in psychiatry, diagnosis does not always mean treatment in strict accordance with the diagnosis. Diagnosis is often a statistical category needed to understand, roughly speaking, how the condition of one patient is similar to another.
I am sometimes puzzled by the desire of a person to look at the records of a doctor. After all, a special interpretation, justification of the diagnosis, terminology can not only frighten and offend an unprepared person, but cause unreasonable distrust of a specialist and, even worse, aggravate disturbed mental balance, upset not only the patient, but also relatives.
It is much more important to trust each other (the doctor, the patient, his relatives), to ask questions of interest. It is on trust that the desired result is achieved - a cure or a stable remission, if the disorder is chronic.
I will not decipher concepts and terms much in this article. Let's talk about the topic corresponding to the title. We will talk about such diseases as schizophrenia, dementia, severe depression, drug addiction (alcoholism, drug addiction), etc. I will try to give basic, a kind of "universal" recommendations.
1 situation: a relative (both a 16-year-old child and an old grandfather, a researcher in the past or present) became “somehow not like that”, began to withdraw, get annoyed for no apparent reason, although “he had never been aggressive before ', to talk, to talk to oneself.
Usually, such behavior is first perceived as a joke, then surprise, then a discussion with a sick person begins, which can lead to serious conflicts and distrust. If you suspect that a person close to you has a mental disorder (we do not take emergency situations, for example, in case of severe aggression, the police and medical workers are already intervening here), you cannot argue.
It is also desirable not to support the painful delusions of a person, to try to be patient and caring, to persuade a loved one to seek medical help. Unfortunately, in our society, when it comes to psychiatry, in most cases it causes a smile, fear, surprise, but not sympathy and a desire to help a sick person, especially if it refers to a relative. Only later, when a sick person can feel and even understand that the help of a psychiatrist is for his benefit, will he himself reach out to her.
At the initial stage, it is worth trying to persuade a person to calm down, assess his degree of adequacy (if he used to trust you, but now he doesn’t groundlessly, whether he understands you or is completely in his experiences, etc.), to understand whether there are threats to him and surrounding.
It is impossible to forcibly help a person (involuntary hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital is carried out only by a court decision), but everything possible must be done: to involve relatives who will correctly understand and support people who are authoritative for the patient, consult a doctor.
Situation 2: patients were brought to a psychiatrist. There can be 2 ways here. The doctor will help to understand the situation, make a diagnosis, prescribe treatment, give recommendations. Everything here is very individual. But it may also be that the doctor gives a recommendation, but not only the patient (due to inadequacy), but also a relative does not want to follow it.
I can give an example. A mother brings her 20-year-old daughter to a psychotherapist. The daughter has painful sensations in her body: the bones, according to her, “go back and forth, fall through and hurt.” All specialists were examined, all studies were carried out, including MRI, no diseases were found, the symptoms do not correspond to the alleged physical pathology.
A mental illness was diagnosed, drugs were prescribed, and after a couple of months there was a significant improvement. The patient stops taking the medicine, after a while she comes to the doctor with her mother, complains about the deterioration, assures that the medicines do not help, refuses help, runs out of the office, rushes about, says that she does not want to live. Hospitalization is proposed, since adequate dosages of drugs can only be prescribed in a hospital, in response - a categorical refusal.
With difficulty he manages to calm down, persuade him to give an injection, agrees to resume taking medications. The doctor suggests that the mother call a psychiatric team to resolve the issue of hospitalization, in connection with the suicidal risk, to which he receives the answer: “Well, she will kill herself, then this is her fate, I will not put her in a psychiatric hospital.” On receipt released home. The mother calls the next day, the daughter gets a little better, then disappears for six months. Another call to the doctor's personal phone: the daughter lies in bed, does not want to get up, complains about "movements in the body of some creatures" that cause severe pain.
Recommendations were given, the patient was finally hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital with schizophrenia. She was discharged with improvement, criticism of her condition appeared, adequate therapy was selected.
Bottom line: fortunately, this story ended happily, but the patient suffered for several months, while the mother believed in the need for hospitalization; I had to prescribe heavier drugs, the treatment was delayed.
There is nothing wrong if the patient refuses this doctor (for example, the patient has included the doctor in his delusional system) or the doctor himself understands that he will not be able to provide adequate assistance. Then it is necessary to attract colleagues, send them to a hospital, together with relatives, think over options for assistance and choose the best one. It happens that the patient returns after treatment, apologizes for his behavior, because he did not understand the pain and inadequacy at that time.
You should not change specialists (sometimes people come to me with dozens of recommendations from different doctors of the same specialty, which is puzzling). Well, 2-3 opinions is understandable, but more than 10!? The most common reason is that medications do not immediately help, side effects.
Some patients soon stop taking their medications, and many diseases are chronic and require many months or even years of maintenance therapy. A natural deterioration sets in, the new doctor does not yet know the specifics of the course of the disorder in this patient, experiments with treatment begin, a new selection of medicines begins, resistance to treatment is formed, and previously effective drugs cease to work.
And one more thing: it is desirable, at the initial visit to the doctor, to bring, if not all, then the main examinations, extracts, and tests. A psychiatrist is a doctor like everyone else, and the more information about the patient, the easier it is to understand the diagnosis. For example, if a person has a pathology of the thyroid gland, it is advisable to bring the last tests for hormones, since when the hormonal background changes, the state of mind also changes (irritability, sleep disturbances, mood swings, etc.).
In some cases, antidepressants are not only not needed, but can be harmful, it may be worth limiting yourself to the appointments of an endocrinologist and psychotherapy. Elderly people with diabetes can confuse events and even behave inappropriately with an increase in blood glucose, here prescribed antipsychotics are also not always necessary.
3 situation: the patient has been examined for a long time, the diagnosis is known, but the disease is progressing. Relatives begin to "look for a miracle": consult the patient with leading specialists, go to the main scientific centers, someone is looking for help abroad.
I have had a number of cases where patients have returned from the US, Europe, Israel, etc. with complaints that the prescription of drugs selected in Russia was refused, or that the treatment was simply ineffective, worsened. Here I would advise you to find a specialist you trust and coordinate your actions with him. Only together can we help sick people provide adequate assistance and, if not cured, then improve the quality of life as much as possible.
4 situation: terminally ill patient in the final stage. There is an opinion, or rather another myth, that one does not die from mental illness, however, mental illness is the same as somatic (i.e. body diseases), only the brain is sick, regardless there is a visible focus there (for example, as a result of a craniocerebral injury to the damaged part of the brain) or not. For example, severe progressive dementia, the final stage of alcoholism with multiple organ disorders, the terminal stage in malignant forms of schizophrenia, and others. Here it is necessary to decide individually, depending on the specific case.
“If a person cannot be cured, this does not mean that he cannot be helped.”
If you are destined to die, it is easier to do this among loving relatives on your bed, even if a person does not understand anything and does not recognize anyone. But he FEELS the attitude towards him. How a small child feels the caress of his mother, smiles or cries when his mother is gone. You will say - there is no comparison, children are our future, and here is a dying person who does not understand anything. Yes, this is true, but we must understand that any of us can, God forbid, be in the place of this person ...
Well, a few words about help for those who care for the sick. It is difficult to give specific recommendations here, only one thing is clear: you cannot take the position of either a rescuer or a victim, you just need to fulfill your human duty to the best of your ability and ability. Don't forget yourself.
Any person who lives with a sick person, and even more so caring for him, experiences enormous personal and emotional stress. Therefore, you should think about how you will cope with the disease in the future. By understanding your own emotions properly, you will be able to deal more effectively with both the patient's problems and your own problems. You may have to experience emotions such as grief, shame, anger, embarrassment, loneliness and others.
For some people who care for the sick, the family is the best helper, for others it brings only grief. It is important not to reject the help of other family members if they have enough time, and not to try to bear the sometimes difficult burden of caring for the sick alone.
If family members upset you with their unwillingness to help, or criticize your work because of the lack of information about this disorder, you can form a family council to discuss care problems. In particular, make a decision to involve an employee, at least for the period of time necessary for your rest and recuperation, and, if necessary, treatment.
And the last. Don't keep problems to yourself. Feeling that your emotions are a natural reaction in your position, it will be easier for you to cope with your problems. Don't reject the help and support of others, even if you feel like you're making it difficult. Even psychotherapists themselves (seemingly knowing how to minimize stress as much as possible) often have their own psychotherapist, and it is bad for the doctor who neglects the help of his colleagues.
Prepared information for you:
Aronov Pavel Vladimirovich - psychiatrist, psychotherapist, narcologist, doctor of the highest category, candidate of medical sciences, associate professor. The doctor conducts an appointment in the building of the clinic on Baumanskaya.
Tantrums and whims of a child | Kindergarten № 43
Unfortunately, sooner or later, most parents are faced with such a phenomenon as children's tantrum. The child screams, throws himself on the ground, beats his head on the floor, does not respond to the requests and words of an adult. Parents are at a loss, what happened to the baby? How to behave so that the nightmare ends as soon as possible?
For some children, the period of tantrums passes quickly, for others it can last for years. Much depends on the behavior of the parents. If you treat tantrums calmly and do not indulge in hysterical seizures, you can correct the situation quickly enough.
Tantrums and whims
It is important to distinguish between the concepts of "hysteria" and "whim". The child deliberately resorts to whims in order to achieve the desired, something forbidden or impossible at the moment. Whims, as well as tantrums, are often accompanied by crying, screaming, stamping feet, throwing objects. Sometimes the whims of a child are impossible to fulfill.
For example, a child asks for a chocolate bar that is not in the house or wants to go down the stairs when the elevator comes.
Hysteria is a state of extreme nervous excitement leading to loss of self-control . In children 1 to 5 years of age, it is most often manifested by loud screaming, crying, rolling on the floor, and waving arms and legs. Sometimes children in a fit of tantrum can beat their heads against the wall, bite themselves and others. A child in this state cannot adequately perceive the usual methods of communication and therefore it is useless to try to explain or prove something to him. Children take advantage of a tantrum when they realize that it affects you.
Reasons why children throw tantrums
The desire to attract attention. To prevent a tantrum from arising about this, you need to warn the child in advance that in some situation you will not be able to devote time to him, and offer him an alternative option for self-study.
Strive to achieve something desired. In this case, you do not need to immediately abandon your decision, you need to confidently say “no” several times if the ban is really justified, and continue to go about your business.
Inability to put into words one's displeasure. You must teach him to express his emotions in other ways.
Fatigue, lack of sleep, feeling of hunger. For children prone to tantrums, it is very important to follow the daily routine. He must be fed and put to bed on time, avoid overwork, do not play active games before going to bed, do not walk for too long, do not allow a large crowd of unfamiliar people near him, do not attend various spectacular events that are new to him. If you have to go to kindergarten early in the morning, wake up the child in advance and give him time to wake up completely, otherwise, if he throws a tantrum, you will not have time to apply techniques
Condition during or after illness. It is clear that the mother should notice in time the signs of an impending cold or the presence of chronic health problems in her child. In this case, he needs to create a sparing psychological regime and consult a doctor.
Desire to imitate adults or peers. It is ridiculous to demand good behavior from a child if you yourself often break down and get nervous when something does not suit you. Behave the way you want your child to behave. If he repeats after hysterical children, you need to try to explain to him that it is not good to behave this way, and in the absence of effect, try to minimize such communication.
It often happens that we ourselves, unknowingly, provoke tantrums in children. This happens when parents, grandparents are overprotective or apply pathological severity to the child, which suppresses his independence and initiative.
At the same time, the lack of necessary parental care, an insufficiently clear expression of one's attitude to the child's positive and negative actions, as well as an undeveloped system of rewards and punishments also negatively affects the child - it gives rise to permissiveness and at the same time self-doubt, inability to determine boundaries of behavior that should not be crossed.
Excessive flattery, indulgence of his whims and lack of reasonable demands also lead to the upbringing of capricious, hysterical children.
Mistakes in upbringing undoubtedly play an important role in shaping the child's behavior, but it must be emphasized once again that they are only provoking factors, and the root of all problems lies in the characteristics of the child's nervous system, which are congenital. And just in early childhood, these features manifest themselves most clearly.
There are several types of the child's nervous system. Each type has its own characteristics, by which you can determine which warehouse of the nervous system your child belongs to. It is necessary to determine this as early as possible in order to develop the correct tactics for dealing with the child, and thereby help him adapt to various life situations, which ultimately will help him grow up self-confident and able to adequately endure stress. Let's analyze the main types of the nervous system in children and how parents should behave in order to avoid conflicts.
So, the weak type of the nervous system is characterized by slow processes of excitation and inhibition. Such a child is very impressionable, prone to anxiety and fear. He is unsociable, withdrawn, deeply resenting resentment. He does not like conflicts, he does not tolerate changes in his life. Often he has low self-esteem, but he adequately knows how to analyze his feelings and emotions. Such a child often changes his mood, it is easy to unbalance him. But he will never show his emotions with a loud cry, he will express displeasure with persistent whimpering, which will not stop until you pay attention to him. In stressful situations, his will is paralyzed, control over his behavior is lost, he becomes insane. In a severe disorder, such a child is capable of unpredictable actions. Such a child has an unstable appetite and poor sleep.
When educating, try to be patient with his mistakes, do not skimp on well-deserved affection and praise, often involve him in communication with loved ones. Together with him, do household chores, motivating that you need his help. Make sure that he has enough rest, protect him as much as possible from noisy events, from sudden changes in life.
The second type of nervous system - strong . The processes of excitation and inhibition are balanced. Children are rarely in a bad mood. Nervous only for pretty good reasons. Easily converge with children, calmly adapt to different situations, resolve conflicts easily and quickly. They are easily addicted, but quickly change these hobbies, in this regard, they often do not keep their promises. Such children are easy to raise, they rarely create problems. However, if regime factors are systematically violated, children begin to change and behave like children with a weak nervous system.
The next type of nervous system is unbalanced . Excitation processes predominate over inhibition. Such children are excitable, even a new toy can cause a violent reaction. They sleep for a short time and shallow, easily wake up from the slightest rustle. In society, they often behave noisily, like to be the center of attention. Easily distracted, so they cannot complete the task. Children with such a nervous system like to lead, as it turns out better than doing the same thing. If a child is sharply pointed out to mistakes, he will begin to get angry and scream, and, having achieved his goal, he will constantly use scandals. He likes to achieve everything quickly and always successfully. If it doesn't work, they immediately lose interest.
Raise such children gently. Help them finish what they started, so they will learn patience. Learn to feel the moment when the child stops perceiving what you are trying to convey to him and begins to resist you - change the subject, otherwise a tantrum may begin. Gently suggest to him from time to time that his behavior is not always correct. Set an example for him with your calmness, because he loves to imitate you.
And the last type of nervous system - slow . The processes of inhibition predominate over excitation. Babies sleep soundly, eat well, up to a year quickly and above the norm gain weight. These children are calm, reasonable, they do not have rash acts, he is comfortable alone, because. no one distracts him from his thoughts. He “swings” for a long time, but if he gets down to business, he will definitely bring it to the end. He is afraid of sudden mood swings in other people. They are reserved on emotions, so it is often difficult to understand their state of mind. These kids are good at making friends.
The role of parents is to stimulate a child with such a nervous system to action. Choose games where you need to run a little, talk loudly. Do not scold them for being slow - before doing something, he needs to gather his thoughts and understand what is required of him. Do not rush to do everything for the child (because it's faster). Help him overcome his inertia. Get motivated by having competitions. And, of course, be sure to play along.
Serious tantrums tend mainly to children with a weak and unbalanced make-up of the nervous system.
In children under one year old, tantrums can be expressed in bouts of prolonged heart-rending crying that occurs even with the slightest error in care (wet diapers, hunger, a long interval between periods of sleep, errors in the nutrition of a nursing mother). They are very difficult to calm down, even if these errors are eliminated. Such tantrums are caused, as a rule, by an increase in intracranial pressure, and only a neuropathologist can help in this case. In newborns, this happens due to a violation of the course of pregnancy and childbirth in the mother, and sometimes a manifestation of congenital brain diseases.
Stages of hysterics
Stage of screaming - the child screams heart-rendingly, demanding nothing and not seeing anyone around. Stage of motor excitation - begins to throw everything that comes to his hand, and if there is nothing, he simply stamps his feet and waves his arms randomly. Sobbing stage - the child sobs, sobs and looks with a suffering look.
If the child is ignored in the second stage, the third will not come. In the third stage, you must definitely help the child calm down, otherwise it can last indefinitely, as it is difficult for him to cope with his emotions. Hug him, hold him close to you, put him on your knees and shake him. An exhausted baby, having calmed down, is likely to want to lie down or even sleep.
What to do to make tantrums in a child occur as rarely as possible, and eventually stop completely.
1. An outburst of emotions is easier to prevent than to frantically think about what to do later. You cannot wait for the moment when it will be difficult to do anything. You must control the beginning changes in the child's mood (dissatisfaction, irritation, tearfulness), and be able to distract the baby in time from the object that caused the negative reaction. You can offer to do something else, draw the child's attention to some other object or phenomenon. Sometimes the outbreak can be stopped by showing sympathy for his bad mood, while you need to try to take him aside and talk to him, calm him down, hug him, gently pat his head. A child cannot always understand and explain his condition, therefore, by helping to express in words what he feels, you give him the opportunity to relax, help eliminate a tense situation. Over time, based on the temperament of the child, you will successfully learn how to use this method. But remember, the distraction method is effective only when the tantrum is in its initial stages, and does not work if it is already in full swing. It is no longer possible to distract the child during this period, the futility of attempts will only infuriate you.
2. Let your child know that you do not tolerate tantrums. If a tantrum does occur, stop all communication with the child for this time. Do not try to persuade, shout and spank him - this will not help, and may even increase the manifestations of hysteria. In addition, because of the screams, you simply will not be heard. Pretend you don't see him. If necessary, put on your headphones, but don't react. Once the situation has calmed down a bit, you can start using various techniques to calm the child down.
3. During a tantrum, briefly isolate the child Take the child to a remote place where there should be no children, toys and TV. Let him understand that when he misbehaves, he will not be allowed to play with other children. In this place, the child should be, as long as it takes time for him to calm down. In case of repeated hysteria, it must be returned to its original place and again left there for a while, but not completely out of sight. The main thing at this time is to keep calm yourself. However, he must remember that hysteria is not a reason to evade homework or homework, and, having returned to normal, he will have to finish the work.
4. Your tactics during the child's tantrums should always be the same. The algorithm of your actions during outbreaks must be repeated. Even when it happens in public places. Yes, it will be unpleasant, but know that others have found themselves in such situations more than once. Find strength in yourself and be sure that you are doing this for the good of your child. If such outbursts of emotions also occur when communicating with other people, you need to tell them how to behave correctly in such a situation and warn them not to pay attention to the child until he calms down. Communicate with these people in order to assess whether the re-education is going well.
5. Tell your child how to civilly express their dissatisfaction. Usually children throw tantrums because they don't know how to express their feelings in another way. Make it clear that there is nothing wrong with his bad mood, that all people get upset sometimes, but you need to be able to say what you don’t like. Name a few words that he can use (for example: I'm angry, I'm angry, I'm very unhappy, I'm sad, I'm bored) and rehearse them with your child. Reward him with praise every time he talks about his worries.
To deal with a child's tantrums, you need to be able to remain calm.
It is sometimes very difficult to do this, especially when the tantrum happens at the most inopportune moment. But you must be able to restrain yourself. If you are still angry, take a deep breath and go out into another room for 3 minutes. You need to lose eye contact with your child. But before that, warn that you are giving him time to calm down and will return now. Use the same phrase and don't say anything else. The main thing here is calm and silence. Prepare for devastation in the room where the child was left, but do not punish him for this. This method is called "timeout" . It's simple, versatile, and can help you stay calm and control your anger. However, be aware that in the future, you must increase the amount of time spent with the child playing games together, otherwise, due to frequent time-outs, he may become embittered and lose confidence in his parents. After a tantrum, act as if nothing happened. No need to comment on what happened. Let the child earn your favor again.
After two or three weeks of these sessions, your child's temper tantrums should become less frequent.
If, despite your efforts and patience, bad behavior still persists, you need to contact a neurologist who will schedule an examination. If the examination does not reveal abnormalities, the neurologist will prescribe a consultation with a psychologist or psychotherapist who will determine whether the child has mental disorders and whether medication is necessary.
A child with an excitable nervous system can be helped with mild sedatives. It can be decoctions of soothing herbs, soothing fees.
Calming herb or tea for children: Fennel, chamomile, marshmallow, licorice, wheatgrass (1:1:2:2:2). Pour two tablespoons of the collection with a glass of boiling water, boil for 20 minutes, strain. Take 1 teaspoon warm (children from 1 year old) before meals 3 times a day or at night for 3-4 weeks. If you are allergic to herbs, do not use them.
You can give children just an infusion of motherwort in the same dose.
Excitable infants should preferably be bathed every other day in a solution of coniferous extract for 20 days.
Of the drugs, the child is allowed to give only homeopathic remedies (dormikind, tenoten, notta, nervochel) without a doctor's prescription. It is also possible to use a drug based on the amino acid glycine. The neurovitan vitamin complex will help support the child's nervous system. Dosages of drugs are clearly indicated in the instructions for them. All medicines should be given for 4 weeks, then take a break and repeat the course of treatment again.