How to deal with whiny child

How to Handle a Whiny Child

Written by Logan Smith

Why Do Kids Whine?

Self-expression. When an adult is upset, they say, “I’m upset.” They can describe their feelings, talk about why they’re upset, and sometimes rationally process what they’re experiencing.

Kids can’t do that. When they’re upset, frustrated, or sad, they can’t describe it to their parents. Instead, they whine.

Kids who are more sensitive may whine more. They experience their emotions more strongly and can’t express themselves in any way besides whining. At young ages, even the smallest disappointments can cause a child to break down.

Expressing needs. You may notice your child whining at certain times, such as before lunchtime or in the afternoon when it’s almost nap time. This is their way of responding when they’re hungry or tired.

Whining doesn’t always mean they’re hungry or tired, though. They may whine in response to stress. Even most adults struggle to manage stress, so it’s understandable that your child responds to unfamiliar stress by whining.

Attention. What do you do when your child whines? You probably talk to them, ask them why they're whining, or hold them. Your child learns from this routine.

Your child wants your attention more than anything else. Even if they are whining about a cookie they want, your attention may be the most important thing.

Your child learns that you give them attention when they whine. They pick up on this response and learn to use it. When they want something, they know that they can whine to get it.

How to Get Kids to Stop Whining

There’s no magic word to stop whining. There are ways to help manage a whiny episode, but it’s more important to prepare yourself and your child for triggering incidents.

Observe their whiny episodes. Start keeping track of when and where your child whines. You may notice trends that you would otherwise miss while you’re trying to manage their whining.

You may notice that they whine regularly around mealtime, bedtime, or playtime. Keeping track can help you determine why your child is whining.

Be prepared. You can only prepare if you know what to prepare for. Once you’ve figured out the typical triggers for your child’s whining, come up with ways to sidestep an episode.

If your child tends to whine before mealtime, keep some healthy snacks ready to satiate them until their meal. If they whine when they get dressed for the day, add some music or turn the activity into a game.

A whiny place. If nothing you do seems to work, make sure your child has a place where they can whine. Send them to their room or another private area until they stop whining. Make sure to have a consistent whiny place so your child understands the expectations.

A whiny place serves two functions. The first separates you from the situation and gives you a breather. The second function puts the agency on your child: You can leave the whiny place when you stop whining.

A whiny place can seem like a punishment. That’s why discussing the expectations of the whiny place with your child is necessary. The whiny place is so they can whine safely until they’re ready to speak calmly.

Model good behavior. Kids are like sponges. If you don’t use your words to express yourself, your child will struggle to do so.

Be mindful of your own responses. If you tend to squeal, yell, or scream rather than using your words when you’re upset, you’re showing your child that whining is a proper response.

Distractions. You may not always know what your child is whining about. They may feel something unrelated to what’s happening around them, and you won’t know how to help.

Activities, toys, and puzzles can help distract your child when you don’t know why they’re whining. Distractions can separate them from their overwhelming emotions or delay their whining until you’re both in a safe place to process these emotions.

Discipline Tips for Parents

There are plenty of disciplinary tips, books, and blogs that provide guidance. Not every means of disciplining your child to stop whining will work. Be patient and remember that your child’s whining isn’t malicious.

Don’t hear whining. Children whine when they get a reaction. It’s difficult, but ignoring their whining can teach them that whining isn’t the way to be heard.

When your child is whiny, explain to them that you can’t hear them when they’re whining. You can only hear them when they talk to you in a calm tone of voice. Similar to a whiny place, it puts the expectations and agency on them, not you.

It’s sometimes okay to ignore your child. They want your attention, so not giving it to them is the best way to prevent whiny behaviors from forming. As long as you know they’re safe, ignore their whining.

Teach them what to say. Children whine because they can’t convey their emotions. Instead of telling them not to whine, teach them what to do instead of whining.

Make them aware that whining doesn’t work. Talk them through how whining makes you feel and what the expectations of communication are. Then, give them words to use to describe their current emotions.

Talking with your child about their feelings lets them be heard. It validates their feelings without focusing on their whining.

Praise good habits. Focusing on positive behaviors will reinforce those for your child. Praise them when they ask for something without whining. Praise them when they get your attention without whining.

Reinforcing good habits gives them the tools for replacing their bad habits. With good communication behaviors, they don’t need to whine.

How to Stop Whining

The strongest tool in your toolbox is ignoring a whiny child. Attention reinforces their behavior. Every time you give in to the whining, your child learns that it works.

Boys Town: Saving Children, Healing Families, Parenting Tips

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Point out to children that they are whining
Never give children what they want when they are whining
The best way to respond when children are whining is to say you don’t understand them
Silence is golden
Don’t model whining
Reward appropriate language
Distract or redirect
Use Time-Out

STOP the Whining!

Imagine a finely manicured hand with clear polish on the nails. Now, imagine those nails scraping slowly down a chalkboard. Hear it? That’s the same sound most parents hear when their young child starts to whine.

Whining often accompanies or precedes tantrum behavior, but not always. Children whine for all kinds of reasons, usually because they are upset about something, or because, in the past, whining has helped them get something they wanted. They also are more likely to whine if they are sick or fatigued. Regardless, whining is annoying and unnecessary, which is something young children have yet to learn.

The good news is that you can MANAGE whining fairly easily and effectively with your child by following these tips:

Point out to children that they are whining. Sometimes children aren’t even aware of this behavior.
Never give children what they want when they are whining. This will only lead to more whining when your child wants something in the future.
The best way to respond when children are whining is to say you don’t understand them. For example, say “I can’t understand a word you are saying. You’ll need to talk to me in a big girl (or big boy) voice.”
Silence is golden. Ignoring whining until you hear your child use a tone of voice that is acceptable will send a message that whining has little payoff.
Don’t model whining. Adults are just about as capable of whining as children. Do yourself and your child a favor by using appropriate behavior and language when you are frustrated.
Reward appropriate language. When children use an appropriate tone of voice, especially when asking for something or expressing a complaint, acknowledge and praise them. For example, say “Thank you for talking so clearly. It helps me understand what you want.” This is especially true if your child used an appropriate voice first, without whining. Either way, it’s important that your child understands that talking in an age-appropriate voice is beneficial to them, and will earn praise from you.
Distract or redirect. Sometimes, a simple distraction or redirection will be enough to get your child off the whining platform.
Use Time-Out. A good old-fashioned Time-Out is sometimes necessary when whining persists and all of your other efforts to stop it have not worked.

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The son is whiny like a girl…

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How to raise a child?

The son is whiny like a girl . ..

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age features
family education
tearfulness
sons

“My son cries for any reason. Crying like a girl ... ”- such complaints can often be heard from parents. Faced with the heightened emotionality of the child, adults “turn on severity”, believing that this will help instill in their son the necessary masculinity. But it is not always possible to get the desired result. Often severity exacerbates the situation: the boy develops complexes and fears.

Why do we react differently to the tears of boys and girls? nine0033

In our society, the attitude towards “male” and “female” tears is different. From early childhood, boys are instilled with the idea that men do not cry. A female breakdown with tears is perceived with understanding. This attitude is argued by the fact that a man must be strong in everything, including in the manifestation of emotions, and a woman is a weaker creature, and increased emotionality is characteristic of her.

Interestingly, the stereotype about the emotionality of women and the unspoken “ban” on tears for men is especially pronounced in northern countries. Apparently, it was formed against the background of a harsh climate, when the issue of survival was acute, and the duties of a breadwinner and protector were assigned to a man. In southern countries (India, Italy, etc.), excessive emotionality is not reproached by men, and the manifestation of grief or pain through tears is not perceived as unworthy of a man's behavior. nine0003
How to respond to your son's "tearfulness"?

Sometimes parents are afraid to feel sorry for a crying child, so that he does not grow up capricious and does not use tears for manipulation. You can not dismiss a crying child, considering his problems insignificant and unimportant. We must learn to distinguish between true and feigned manifestations of feelings. It is necessary to help the son to realize the surging emotions, to help him survive them, to accept the experience in order to learn how to control emotions.

See also

Childhood depression and how to deal with it

Childish whining

Tearfulness in a child can occur at any age.

In a child under 2 years of age, the psyche is not yet formed. Both boys and girls cry at this age from any discomfort.

It is already possible to explain to a child of 3-4 years in which cases and how one can show one's emotions. Categorical prohibitions will not work here. The wording "You can't cry! Boys don't cry! - incorrect. At this age, the child actively begins to get acquainted with emotions, to realize his desires and feelings, and it is important to teach him to analyze his condition. Talk to your child about his emotions: “Why are you crying? Are you in pain? Let mom look at the finger. Now we will cover it with a band-aid, and the pain will go away.” nine0059 The ability to analyze your emotions is the first step to self-control. But don't expect one conversation to be enough! This is a long process that takes time and patience.

A child at 6-7 years old is already almost a “little adult”. He enters a period when independence and a certain responsibility are required of him. School is about to begin, and here "tearfulness" can become a serious problem, especially for a boy. He can become a victim of ridicule of classmates. If parents missed the moment of developing emotion control skills, then they will have to redouble their efforts. And this is not strictness, prohibitions and insults like "you are a girl if you cry." It is necessary to speak with the child his emotions and teach them to experience. Explain that failure happens to everyone, and it is important to learn how to find solutions to problems. And let your child feel that you are ready to support him. nine0015
Tearfulness in adolescence may indicate infantilism. Something prevents the child from growing and developing, and he retains the elements of the “little boy” behavior. This may be a defensive reaction to constant stress. You may need specialist help to determine the cause.

How to wean a boy to react to everything with tears?

Analyze your behavior, family environment and upbringing methods. Excessive severity or an unfavorable family environment keep the child in constant tension, and tears become a way out of an anxious state. nine0015
Don't get angry at "irrational tears". This only frightens the child, he gets confused in his emotions and does not understand what to do, how to behave. What seems like a trifle to an adult, has a “universal scale” for a child.

Teach your child to understand and analyze their emotions. Speak out the feelings that he experiences in different situations. Analysis will help you learn to control emotions and avoid unpleasant consequences.

Be attentive to your child regardless of age and gender. A boy has the right to be sensitive, emotional and creative, just as a girl can be courageous, purposeful, athletic and persistent. The key is the comprehensive development of the child and the integrity of his personality.

Sofia Shevchenko

Photo from kto-chto-gde.ru

What kind of mother are you?

“Am I a good mother?” This is a question all mothers ask themselves from time to time. Frank answers will help you understand how caring, protective or far from the problems of the child you are and little involved in his upbringing. nine0003
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Childish tearfulness. Causes and Solutions - Family and Children - Home

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nine0104 Family and Children
Childish tearfulness. Causes and Solutions

Our psyche is so arranged that the crying of a child is for us one of the strongest stimuli. Baby crying can cause us a range of emotions - from the desire to immediately help to fits of rage and despair. nine0090 03 Aug 2020 Author: Evgenia Lepeshova

How to determine why the baby is crying and how to behave in a given situation?

Causes of tears

Why do men cry? Children's excitability, tearfulness and emotionality are much higher than the same qualities in adults. nine0086 And this is normal, since the child's psyche is still unstable. An insignificant reason for us can become a real tragedy for a child. With the help of tears, a child reacts to all the negative moments in his life, tears for him are just an expression of emotions that he has not yet learned to restrain. But children also suddenly and quickly have the ability to switch from bad to good, forgetting about tears.

Therefore, the first thing to advise parents is to treat children's tears more calmly. nine0086 The younger the child, the more often he expresses his negative emotions with tears.

If you notice that the child is crying too often and a lot (at least against the background of peers), then there may be several reasons.

First of all, we can talk about temperament or individual characteristics of the child's nervous system . Each of us is naturally given a weak or strong nervous system. People with a weak nervous system and in adulthood are characterized by increased sensitivity, vulnerability and a tendency to melancholy. nine0003
In children, these features are more pronounced - from the first days of life, the child was characterized by increased excitability, sleeps poorly and often cries. In addition, you may notice that the child reacts painfully to sad episodes in cartoons, scary tales, and does not tolerate screaming and noise.

Parental errors

A common mistake of parents is that they try to overcome the tearfulness of such a melancholic child urging him not to cry and even sometimes making fun of tears, especially when it comes to a boy. In fact, such upbringing turns into the fact that the child’s self-doubt and self-rejection are added to the natural tearfulness. nine0003
Over time, the child's psyche is strengthened, self-control develops, and he will cry less and less. However, when communicating with a child, it is useful to consciously focus his attention on the good aspects of life, gently switch him from the negative ones, not allowing him to "get hung up" on the bad for a long time.

If tearfulness in a child manifested itself unexpectedly, then the cause, first of all, should be sought in the presence of some kind of chronic stress . Adaptation to kindergarten or school, divorce of parents or conflicts in the family, problems in relationships with peers - all these factors weaken the nervous system of the child, making him excitable. nine0003
Therefore, it is important to see the true cause of the child’s internal tension and overcome it, and not fight tears as a consequence. Often the child becomes whiny and during the period of age crises (one year, three and seven years). With overcoming the crisis period, such tearfulness usually goes away by itself.

How to respond?

Sometimes children's tears are not an expression of internal tension or weakness, but only a behavior that has proven effective . Watch for situations in which the child begins to cry. If tears always appear only in a situation of some kind of parental prohibition and restriction (but, for example, a sad cartoon does not cause tears in a child), and crying often turns into hysterics, it is worth considering why this method of influence has become an effective way for a child.
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