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10 tips on how to make friends with your own child

Growing up, children stop sticking to their parents, it is more and more difficult to talk heart to heart with an older child - this is a well-known fact. But making your child always consider you his friend is actually not difficult. Tamila Kazanok, having studied the advice of psychologists and teachers, tells how to achieve this.

Remember that the baby is not stupid, but inexperienced. The speed of acquiring the experience necessary for life will depend on the environment. If in the child’s access zone there is comfortable, suitable furniture, objects for creativity and research, and door handles and switches in the rooms are located taking into account the interests and the child, you will be amazed at what self-esteem even a very young child will have. And this will certainly affect your relationships. Take a closer look at the Montessori system - even if you do not reproduce it completely, you can borrow a lot of useful things there.

Master the skills of active listening. There is a lot of literature and training on this topic. There are two types of such listening: male and female. Both are good, but in different situations. In relations with a child, it is better to use the second one: immerse yourself in his feelings, during a conversation, be on the same emotional wavelength with him. Having worked out and consolidated this skill in communicating with your own child, you can not be afraid of disagreements in the future. You will learn to understand his feelings, which means not to judge. The sooner you begin to introduce this skill, the more naturally it will take root. For a teenage girl, for example, it will be strange to hear from her mother, who was usually emotionally closed before: “Daughter, sit down and talk.” But better late than never. You can learn more about this topic in Julia Gippenreiter's book The Miracles of Active Listening.

How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk

This box is a great tool to soothe, comfort or entertain your child. One has only to open it with the phrase "Do you remember how great we are. .." (and, if possible, add hugs). And that's it, contact is established, you can talk heart to heart. The piggy bank should be replenished regularly: put there all the successful joint trips, events, and so on.

You and I already know how great the power of imagination is, backed up by positive emotions. Even Albert Einstein talked about this. Open this secret to your child, and he will be grateful to you. Dream with him: how interesting his life will be, what discoveries he will make, what great friends he will have. This will definitely awaken his creativity.

Don't wait until your child has nothing to talk to you about. Offer him to learn English - learn it yourself, don't be lazy. The child became interested in horses, look through the corresponding encyclopedia. Stay up to date with the latest in the book and film industry. Let you have your own hobbies. This will allow you, among other advantages, to always remain an interesting conversationalist, and your child will be proud of you and enjoy spending time with you.

In any proceedings, in any disputes and accusations from outside, stay on the side of your child. He must be sure that he has a strong rear. It gives incredible vitality. And already in face-to-face conversations, you can express your opinion regarding his actions. Believe me, the child will hear him and take note.

It's not easy. But it is necessary. The child must be sure that your love for him does not depend on a broken cup, or on a deuce received, or on scattered toys, or on any other oversight. Only then will he be able to open his soul to you, sharing the innermost. Express your love and underline in bold. Do not be like that hero of a joke who, back in the registry office, told his young wife that he loved her. Like, why say the same thing every year.

Only by example. Otherwise it doesn't work. If you know how to express gratitude, then you can easily find what to say to your child after the introductory phrase "I am so grateful to you ...". And your child will not hesitate to introduce these phrases into his vocabulary.

Of course, a child is not your property, but rather a guest in your home. With some of their tasks. This awareness will help you treat your child with more respect, which will positively affect the quality of your communication. Many great teachers spoke about this, including Janusz Korchak and Shalva Amonashvili.

Numerous scientific studies show that hugs are a powerful therapeutic tool. They not only soothe, relieve pain, but even increase immunity (Comprehensive Psychology magazine, November 2012). Free and highly effective tool. Proven for centuries. Remember to recharge your child every day, even an adult.

Still from the film The Pursuit of Happyness

7 practical tips for getting along with someone else's child

21 August 2015 Relations

How often do you find yourself in a company where there are children? Are you good with children or are you not good at it? In this article, we want to share with you tips on how to quickly find a common language with other people's children in different situations.

Imagine that you are in a situation where you are asked to look after a neighbor's child while the parents are away on urgent business. Or you came to visit, and while the hostess is in the kitchen, your task is to entertain the child. Or maybe your job involves communicating with children - often or not (for example, a teacher or a hairdresser).

How will you contact your child in such situations?

We have prepared a list of practical tips that will help you quickly find a common language with your child. These tips are for those who do not have professional experience working with children. And by the word "children" we mostly mean children of preschool age.

1. Treat your child like an ordinary person, only a small one

Perhaps this is the most important advice that lies at the source of the rest of the tips in this article.

Pay attention that those people who are most successful in establishing contact with children (I observed this in the example of educators, doctors, coaches with whom my child contacts), communicate with them calmly, balanced, in a normal tone, explaining difficult things to them. These people from the very beginning perceive the child as a full-fledged person, they only make allowances for the fact that he is still small. And this approach captivates children.

You can use this strategy to stop talking to children who are no longer babies. Have a full-fledged dialogue with them, but not from the position of “adult-adult”, but from the position of “child-child”. Note that children always easily find a common language with each other, difficulties begin when we grow up. Therefore, "lower" yourself for a while to the level of a child. This means that there is no need to openly doubt if you hear such statements: “Yesterday a huge plane flew into our garden.” Instead, develop a conversation: “Really? Would you like to tell me about it?"

2. Get down to the level of the child's eyes

When we bring the child to the children's club, the teacher always leans or squats to greet or ask the child something. According to her, this helps her move away from the “adult-child” communication pattern and demonstrate her respect and equality. Judging by how good she is at connecting with kids, that's great advice.

3. Do not praise the child directly

If you want to compliment the child when you meet, focus on his clothes or on the object that he is holding in his hands. When strangers touch on something personal, they risk making the child even more shy.

All that is required at the first meeting is to relieve the tension that arises in a child when contacting a stranger. For example, you can build a dialogue like this:

- Wow, what a beautiful truck you have! He probably carries sand to the construction site.

This will switch your child's gaze to the toy instead of the intimidating face of a stranger. This trick will buy time for your child to get used to your voice.

Or here's another trick that might help. If you see a cartoon character on clothes or in the hands of a child that is familiar to both of you, this is a great excuse to start a conversation.

- Wow, is this a fix? you ask.

— Fix, — the child answers after a short pause.

- What is the name of this fixie? - you develop a dialogue.

A subject of common interest is always a good opportunity to find mutual understanding with both adults and children.

Or another way that our grandfather uses when my friends come to visit with their children. He deliberately includes an error in what he says:

“What beautiful yellow sandals you have,” he says to the child.

“They are blue,” he answers.

- Exactly, blue. I lost my glasses and without them I can't see well. Have you seen them?

“They are on your nose,” the child replies with a smile.

After this joke, children easily get in touch with him.

4. Express the child's emotions on your face

Often you can find situations where people laugh when a child cries in an attempt to cheer him up. What is really going on? The child cries even louder, falling more into despair, as if saying: "Why does no one understand me?"

The next time you meet a upset child, try to put on a sad face and sympathize. In most cases, this helps, and the baby makes contact easier.

5. Talk about his things and toys

If you happen to be at a child's house, take an interest in his toys and books: “Do you like to read? What is your favorite book? Could you show it?".

This trick works great not only with children, but also with adults, because we all love the increased interest in our person.

Or, if you need something to keep your child busy while their parents are away, a great way out is to offer to draw. And if suddenly the child finds this activity too boring, invite him to draw with his eyes closed. And then together guess what he drew.

6. Be at home among children

The best way to get along with children is to give free rein to the child that lives inside you.

Be yourself among the children who surround you. Accept their rules, don't impose your own. Play the games they want to play. Talk to them about things they are interested in hearing about. Read the books they like.

7. A universal way to get along with children in all situations

There is one trick that works almost always and with all children. Surely you have seen how other adults use it, and maybe you yourself used it.

Cover your eyes with your hands.

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