How long should a child sleep with their parents
Is Co-Sleeping with Toddlers OK? Safety, Benefits, and Drawbacks
Toddlers are confounding creatures. In the daylight hours, they’re busy bees — unstoppable in their pursuit to discover, play, and assert their independence. But the sassy attitudes and incessant need for activity succumb to sweet sleepy snuggles and heavy-eyed affection once bedtime rolls around.
Given the option, a tired tot would sleep next to their parents every night. And who could resist those tiny warm bodies?
Co-sleeping is when parents share a bed with their child for all or part of the night. It’s not for every family, but those who choose to snooze with a toddler tucked into an arm nook know that you take the soft snores with the accidental elbow jabs.
Co-sleeping has its fair share of positives and negatives, as well as potential risks, so it’s not a decision to be taken lightly — and hopefully one you’re not forced to make at 3 a.m.
Thinking about embracing the concept of a family bed? Here is everything you need to know about co-sleeping with a toddler.
Beginning at the age of 1, co-sleeping is generally considered safe. In fact, the older a child gets, the less risky it becomes, as they are more readily able to move, roll over, and free themselves from restraint.
Co-sleeping with an infant under 12 months of age, on the other hand, is potentially dangerous. Babies may not be able to extract themselves from heavy bedding or adult bodies, thus increasing the risk of entrapment, suffocation, and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) takes a strong stance against co-sleeping with children under age 1. The AAP does recommend room sharing for the first 6 months of a child’s life, though, as this safe practice can greatly reduce the risk of SIDS.
Regardless of age, there are certain situations when co-sleeping is ill advised and dangerous. A parent should avoid co-sleeping with a child if they have been drinking alcohol or taking drugs that can hamper their ability to stir.
There is limited research examining the long-term effects of co-sleeping with toddlers. A 2017 study analyzed 944 low-income families, and initially found that toddlers who shared a bed with their parents were negatively impacted in terms of both social behavior and cognitive abilities.
However, once socioeconomic variables were removed, researchers determined that it was life circumstance rather than co-sleeping that created these social and cognitive consequences.
While lack of separate bedrooms may be one obvious cause for co-sleeping, there are several other reasons families may choose to share a bed.
Some families have a desire for closeness, while others are driven by pure convenience. Many parents find themselves struggling with bedtime challenges, and resort to co-sleeping to save their sanity.
Co-sleeping is a hinderance to some and a rewarding option for others. You have to find what works for you — whether that means sleeping in a giant bed all together, having one parent co-sleep with a toddler, or sticking to separate beds and respective rooms.
Co-sleeping might not be viewed as the norm in the United States, but elsewhere in the world it’s a common and encouraged practice. Many cultures value the practicality and physical togetherness of sharing a bed.
When you stop to think about it, sleeping next to a loved one feels completely natural and innate for most human beings. It’s not something we need to do in solitude or privacy, and young kids may long for the comfort of a parent’s arms throughout the long hours of the night.
There are other benefits to co-sleeping, too:
Bonding
Reality check: The days are long, but the years are short, and these sweet snuggles are fleeting. As kids get older, they’ll claim their independence and want more physical space. Co-sleeping while children are in the toddler stage enables you to make the most of this time.
Additionally, parents who have unusual work schedules and are unable to be present at all hours may choose to co-sleep to have more precious time with their growing children.
Either way, co-sleeping can help you bond on a deeper level, and give your child a sense of safety and security. Plus, you get to see their chest rise and fall and watch their eyelids flutter.
Breastfeeding
Co-sleeping can help nursing parents more readily feed their babies in the middle of the night or wee hours of the morning. In close proximity, you’re able to keep this activity hushed and peaceful — fostering a sense of restful relaxation. Co-sleeping may even encourage extended breastfeeding.
While traditional bed sharing is not advised with infants, you can find other creative ways to foster successful night-time nursing. Room sharing helps; you can try a co-sleeper that pulls up to the side of your bed or get a traditional bassinet that keeps baby safely at arm’s reach.
Less bedtime stress
Some toddlers have a serious case of bedtime FOMO (fear of missing out). They don’t want to be relegated to their own room and separated from the comforting proximity of their parents.
As an adult with limited time of your own, you may have other ideas about how you want to spend your evening hours. This can lead to a war of the wills, and, spoiler alert: your toddler may win.
The sleep drama can be exhausting, especially in the middle of the night, and many parents would rather keep the peace than spend hours in hostile negotiations with a tantruming toddler.
Bed sharing can cut down on the time, energy, and effort it takes to get a little one off to Snoozeville. As with all parenting decisions, you have to pick your battles.
While co-sleeping is a blessing for some, other parents view it as an unfortunate habit they fell into rather than a choice they actively made.
You may feel exasperated when a toddler who started out sleeping in their own bed, comes padding into your room at 1 a.m. Whether it’s due to recurring nightmares, sleep regression, or plain old habit, these disruptions can impede everyone’s ability to sleep.
Even if you make the conscious decision to co-sleep, it’s important to realize that it does come with a few potential drawbacks.
Poor quality sleep
Cute as it may sound, co-sleeping can also be majorly disruptive. Suffice to say, that while toddlers look angelic in slumber, their little limbs like to flail around, and your quality of sleep may suffer as a result of this veritable dream dancing.
A 2015 study found that mothers with infant co-sleepers reported more night wakings and poorer sleep than their counterparts with infants sleeping on their own. If you’ve ever watched a toddler’s sleep acrobatics you can guess that trying to snooze through that doesn’t get any easier.
Mental consequences
Sleep deprivation and well-being go hand in hand. Parents are notoriously starved of rest and downtime; many moms and dad need mental and physical space to reset and refresh their bodies and minds before the start of another hectic morning.
A 2018 study found that moms who co-slept with toddlers that perpetually woke or disruptively moved around, lost an average of 51 minutes of sleep per night and had higher reported levels of anxiety, stress, and depression.
Lack of kid-free time
Sharing a bed as a family may limit your ability to have quality 1:1 time with your partner. You might not be able to catch up after a long day, snuggle, or watch a movie together.
And bedtime sex is, of course, also off the table when you have a toddler smushed between you and your other half (although many parents find ways to get creative in solving this issue).
Even without the concerns of how co-sleeping affects your relationship with your partner, you may just desire some time during which you can rest and recharge without feeling touched out and on-duty. There’s nothing wrong with needing some time that isn’t about meeting someone else’s needs.
Co-sleeping shouldn’t come at the expense of your relationship or your personal needs, so it can be helpful to make sure you and your partner are on the same page if and when you decide to share a bed with your toddler.
Social judgment concerns
As parents, we often feel pressured to conform to societal norms and expectations.
Choosing to co-sleep with a toddler can feel like the “wrong” choice — especially by Western standards.
Many parents feel like they’ll be judged or perceived as a failure for allowing their kids to sleep in their beds for all or part of the night — even if it’s a decision they have willingly and happily made.
Co-sleeping is a valid choice. If it works for you and your family, there’s no reason to stop.
However, if you are eager to take back your mattress real estate and enforce independence, it may be time to make the big transition. It won’t be easy, but, with a few steps, you can make the switch from co-sleeping to solo sleeping. Here are a few tips to help make it a smooth process:
Try room sharingToddlers want to know that a parent is close by at night — especially if they’re accustomed to co-sleeping. This change doesn’t have to be all or nothing. If you are open to a happy medium, consider room sharing.
You can add a crib, a small mattress, or other separate sleeping space to your bedroom.
You can take back your personal space, but still provide your comforting presence.
Transition gradually
This is a marathon not a sprint, so have patience in the process. A transition should be gradual, so start your toddler in their own room or bed, knowing that they might find their way to you in the middle on the night.
Feel free to walk them back to their room when this happens. Show kindness and give verbal reassurance. Just keep at it, and don’t give up. In time, the change will stick.
Focus on a positive bedtime routine
Bedtime can be an instant fight. Instead of going head-to-head with an adamant 3-year-old, try to make your nightly bedtime routine a positive and enjoyable experience.
Read stories, sing songs, have a ritual of 10 hugs and kisses, and then say goodnight. There may be crying and pleading, but, they’ll come to know what to expect and eventually accept this new normal.
Work with a professional
If you’re at your wits’ end, consider seeking help.
Your pediatrician can help you make a sleep plan for your toddler.
Sleep consultants or coaches can be immensely helpful, too. They have seen it all, heard it all, and have incredible specialized insight about routines, patterns, and disruptions.
Sometimes you need an outside opinion and a gentle push to get to the sleep situation you’ve been dreaming about.
If co-sleeping is the right fit for your family, go ahead an embrace it like a toddler snuggling his mama. If it’s creating stress or causing you to lose precious Zzz’s, rethink your situation and reclaim your space. Sleep is sacred, so enjoy the cuddles or soak up the solitude — you do you.
How long should kids sleep with parents?
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) takes a strong stance against co-sleeping with children under age 1. The AAP does recommend room sharing for the first 6 months of a child's life, though, as this safe practice can greatly reduce the risk of SIDS.
| View complete answer on healthline.com
At what age should a child stop sleeping with their parents?
Stop Co-Sleeping with Your Baby at Age Two
It is an essential method that is used by most parents to help kids feel less stressed at night. And while there is no question that there are numerous health benefits, it is always best to end co-sleeping by the end of age two at the latest.
Takedown request | View complete answer on tinytransitions.com
Should a 7 year old be sleeping with parents?
Co-sleeping is not recommended, but a 7-year-old child sleeping with parents is considered normal in many families and cultures. The American Association of Pediatrics (AAP) warns against co-sleeping at any age, especially if the infant is younger than four months.
Takedown request | View complete answer on medicinenet.
com
Is it normal for a 12 year old to sleep with their parents?
Recent studies indicate that near-epidemic proportions of children are co-sleeping with parents today. According to Parenting's MomConnection, a surprising 45 percent of moms let their 8- to 12-year-olds sleep with them from time to time, and 13 percent permit it every night.
Takedown request | View complete answer on psychologytoday.com
Is it normal for a 5 year old to sleep with parents?
Barclay notes that there's nothing wrong with letting your child sleep with you, if you decide to go that route. "Many families in other cultures sleep together," she says. "If this works for you and your family, then it's perfectly fine."
Takedown request | View complete answer on babycenter.com
What age should children stop sleeping with parents?
Should I let my 6 year old sleep with me?
Dr. Basora-Rovira says, “The recommendation overall is that kids should sleep on their own, on their own surface, in their own room.” If the family makes the choice of co-sleeping, they should practice safe sleep practices and co-sleep consistently.
Takedown request | View complete answer on childrens.com
Is it OK for 8 year old to sleep with parents?
“There is nothing wrong with cuddling your eight-year-old in bed and, on occasion, sleeping with them for comfort when they're stressed or ill,” says Janet Morrison, a psychological associate from Toronto who assesses children, adolescents and families.
Takedown request | View complete answer on todaysparent.
com
Why you should not let your child sleep with you?
The AAP's safe sleeping guidelines, which were updated in June 2022, state that parents should never let their baby sleep in the bed with them—citing the risk of suffocation, sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), and other sleep-related deaths.
Takedown request | View complete answer on parents.com
Is it unhealthy for a child to sleep with their parents?
After 12 months, there is no proven risk of harm. There is no evidence that bed-sharing produces children who are more spoiled or dependent. Proven harm to parents. Several studies have shown that more than half of the children who sleep with their parents resist going to bed and awaken several times during the night.
Takedown request | View complete answer on pediaclinic.net
Should an 11 year old still be sleeping with parents?
Co-sleeping with older children can be especially detrimental as it can create stress for the entire family, lead to poor sleep patterns for both parents and children, and inhibit the ability of children to develop independence.
| View complete answer on manhattanpsychologygroup.com
How do I stop co-sleeping with my 7 year old?
How to Stop Cosleeping and Bedsharing….
- Night wean first. If you are still feeding your child at night (particularly if you breastfeed) I would not consider stopping bedsharing until they are night weaned. ...
- Introduce other comfort cues. ...
- Get the child used to their own room. ...
- Ditch the idea of a cot or crib. ...
- Room in.
| View complete answer on sarahockwell-smith.com
How do I get my 8 year old to sleep alone?
Sleeping Alone: 10 Tips And Tricks For Helping Kids Stay In Their Own Bed Every Night
- Putting your child into the right state of mind. ...
- Create a safe and comfortable environment. ...
- Eat at the right time. ...
- Regular waking up and sleeping times.
... - Use the bed only for sleeping. ...
- Give them an active lifestyle.
| View complete answer on thumsters.com
Is it OK for a 13 year old to sleep with their mom?
-- Concerned Parent
DEAR CONCERNED: It is not appropriate for parents to co-sleep with adolescent children, partly because adolescents need and deserve some privacy, as they engage in the developmentally important process of figuring out who they are and what they're about.
Takedown request | View complete answer on torontosun.com
Does co-sleeping cause behavior problems?
Moreover, co-sleeping history significantly predicted multiscale increase in internal (OR 1.63-2.61, ps<0.02) and external behavior problems in adolescence. Conclusions: Early childhood co-sleeping is associated with multiple behavioral problems reported by parents, teachers, and children themselves.
| View complete answer on pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Why do children want to sleep with parents?
Co-sleeping- a way to give children security
It is not unusual that children in different ages sleep uneasy and they can sleep more calmly by sleeping nearby their parents the whole night, even when they are a little older.
Takedown request | View complete answer on jensen-beds.com
How do I get my 4 year old to stop sleeping with parents?
Here are seven ways to get your child to sleep in their own bed.
- Make Your Child's Room Sleep-Friendly.
- Create Clear Expectations.
- Take It One Step at a Time.
- Establish a Healthy Bedtime Routine.
- Be Consistent.
- Provide Positive Reinforcement.
- Problem Solve Proactively.
| View complete answer on verywellfamily.
com
Is it normal for a 4 year old to sleep with parents?
It is natural for babies and children to want to sleep with their parents, or very close to them. It is a primal response. Look at young dependent mammals – they all sleep next to their parents/mother.
Takedown request | View complete answer on theguardian.com
Does co-sleeping cause separation anxiety?
Cosleeping doesn't cause separation anxiety, but if your child cannot be without you at night without having a breakdown, I think you should work towards some independence at bedtime).
Takedown request | View complete answer on drcraigcanapari.com
What is it called when a child sleeps with their parents?
Co-sleeping is a practice in which babies and young children sleep close to one or both parents, as opposed to in a separate room.
| View complete answer on en.wikipedia.org
At what age should a child sleep alone?
While sharing a bed might ease pressures on families while children are very young, the habit of co-sleeping can pose problems as children mature. By the time their children are 2 – 2 1/2 years old, most parents will be eager to have them sleep easily through the night in their own beds.
Takedown request | View complete answer on childpsychologist.com.au
At what age should a kid start sleeping in their own room?
2 In the "A-level" recommendation—the Academy's strongest evidence rating—the AAP said that room-sharing should continue at least until the baby is 6 months old, ideally until 12 months.
Takedown request | View complete answer on verywellfamily.com
How do I get my 6 year old to sleep without me?
Sit in a chair near your child's bed until she falls asleep.
Gradually, over several nights, move farther away from her until you have eased yourself out of her room, then into the hallway, then into another room. From then on, stick to “Enter the Zone Alone.”
| View complete answer on ogradywellbeing.com
How long can a child sleep in the same room as parents?
The AAP recommends infants share a parents' room, but not a bed, "ideally for a year, but at least for six months" to reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
Takedown request | View complete answer on npr.org
Is it OK for a 15 year old to sleep with parents?
Dear Concerned: It is not appropriate for parents to co-sleep with adolescent children, partly because adolescents need and deserve some privacy, as they engage in the developmentally important process of figuring out who they are and what they're about.
| View complete answer on freep.com
What time should my 13 year old son go to bed?
The topic of young children's bedtimes is “very badly” researched, he says. That said: “9pm is a sensible approach.” For teenagers, Kelley says that, generally speaking, 13- to 16-year-olds should be in bed by 11.30pm.
Takedown request | View complete answer on theguardian.com
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Should a child sleep with his parents and how to wean him from it | Bibikol
How to wean a child from sleeping with their parents is not an easy question. However, have you ever thought about whether it was worth it to initially teach the baby sleep in the same bed with you? There are certainly advantages to this. actually, like the cons, but the decision must be made carefully, well thinking and consulting with your soulmate.
How to wean a child to sleep with his parents is not an easy question. However, have you ever thought about whether it was worth initially accustoming your baby to sleep with you in the same bed? There are, of course, pluses in this, in fact, as well as minuses, but the decision must be made carefully, having thought it over well and consulting with your soulmate. nine0003
Benefits of co-sleeping between a child and parents
- If we talk specifically about the baby, then for his development and formation as a person, joint sleep with parents up to 2 years does not pose any threat.
- It's convenient for mom because she doesn't have to get up and run to the bed several times a night.
- In the period from birth to 3 months, the constant presence of the mother is extremely important for the baby in order to be calm and feel secure. He 9for months he lived and developed to the beat of his mother's heart, listened to her breath and voice, so in the first trimester of his life he needs your presence day and night.
- Being close to the parents, the baby sleeps more calmly and wakes up less often, which benefits not only him, but also you.
- The closeness of the baby and mother, the contact "body to body" contributes to better milk production and allows you to feed your child at any time.
- The bond that exists between a mother and her baby is very important for the proper development and psychological state of the baby. nine0017
- Children who sleep with their parents are less likely to experience fears and worries.
Considering co-sleeping from this side, we see a huge benefit for the whole family, but there is another side of the "medal" and it paints us a far from perfect picture.
Disadvantages of co-sleeping between child and parents
- A question of hygiene - how your well-being will affect the health of the crumbs, how often you will have to change bed linen so that the conditions for the baby are as favorable as possible.
Even, based on these considerations, it is worth considering, but is it worth it? nine0017 - The individuality of a child is formed better and more actively if he has his own space - he knows that this is his bed, his stroller, his toys. But in children who sleep and are always with their mother (in their arms, in a sling, etc.), independence manifests itself late, which can bring a lot of problems and troubles to parents in the future.
- If your child is over 3 years old and continues to sleep with you, this may form a very strong dependence on one of the parents (usually the mother) in the future. All decisions, questions, even some minor life issues will require the opinion of the mother and her participation in this. nine0017
- Nobody cancels the danger of causing irreparable harm to the baby in a dream through negligence. No matter how lightly you sleep, you are also a person who can get very tired and fall into a deep sleep. The same situation applies to fathers of families.
Sleeping a baby with parents is life-threatening. - Dads are people too and they want attention no less than their children, so the lack of closeness between parents can worsen relations between spouses and harm family happiness. nine0017
- Studies show that more than half of couples who decide to put their baby to bed with them end up divorcing.
How to wean a child from sleeping with parents
The simplest thing is not to wean, you didn’t have to initially accustom it - this way you injure the baby’s psyche twice, but if you nevertheless taught it, then try to accustom it imperceptibly, as gently as possible and without stress for the baby to new conditions for sleep. It all depends on the age of your crumbs, ideal is from 1.5 to 3 years. During this period, sometimes a little later (from 2 to 3 years), the child begins to show his independence, tries to do without the help of his parents and do everything himself, it is at this moment that you can take advantage of the situation and unobtrusively offer to sleep separately, and even in your own beds.
nine0003
If the baby sleeps with you day and night, then first of all, we teach him to sleep in his bed during daytime sleep (in no case on your bed, but only in his). Offer your baby toys and do not impose your opinion - let him choose with whom (with what) he wants to sleep. At first, be with the child until he falls asleep, tell him a story, sing a song or a lullaby, while holding the baby by the hand or stroking his head - this way he is calmer and he falls asleep easier and faster. nine0003
In this matter, the main thing is gradualness, do not make drastic decisions so as not to injure the baby. If the baby is still very small, then you can first put the crib next to your own, then move it away, then even further and later move it, in general, to another room. Pay attention to each stage - the baby should get used to and calmly fall asleep in the conditions that you provided him, and only then change the position again until you come to a full, strong, calm sleep of the child separately from the parents.
Follow the mode and tactics of actions that you have chosen and then you will succeed and do not try to give up after every whim of the baby - this can be the beginning of manipulations over you, which will also not lead to anything good. nine0003
Is it harmful for a child to sleep with parents and how to wean him from co-sleeping?
In the first years of life, the child often sleeps in the same bed with his parents. However, at some point, the baby should begin to give more personal space and learn to sleep separately. At what age is it best to do this? How to avoid scandals and manipulations? And is there any harm in the joint dream of a child with parents? These questions were answered by experts.
Head of the Children's Clinic of the Maternity Hospital No. V.V. Vinogradova Vladislav Zyablitsky notes that co-sleeping with parents is an urgent need for a child in the first years of life. This helps to establish lactation, has a positive effect on the quality of the baby’s sleep (he is calmer and sleeps better).
When co-sleeping, the mother does not need to get up to feed the baby. In general, co-sleeping with a newborn helps him quickly adapt to new living conditions.
“For a child, co-sleeping with parents does no harm. Moreover, it is even useful. This has been confirmed by numerous studies. For example, in the United States, sleep habits have been studied for several years 944 low-income families with children from 1 to 3 years old. Not a single case showed a deterioration in the development of the child due to co-sleeping with parents, but positive improvements were revealed. The only thing is that a child definitely shouldn’t sleep with their parents if they are drunk or sick,” says Yegor Semyonov, a pediatric neuropsychologist and expert at the Smart online institute.
This is confirmed by a study published in the journal Healthy Child, which revealed the benefits of sharing a child's sleep with parents. It turned out that children under five who sleep with mom and dad are more self-confident, less anxious, and learn better.
They are less likely to have tantrums and are even easier to control than children who never slept with their parents. nine0003
The best option for co-sleeping, according to Vladislav Zyablitsky, is a side bed at the level of the mattress with the parent's bed. In this case, the child sleeps next to the mother, but at a safe distance from her. But this approach has its drawbacks: parents cannot always relax and fall asleep, as they are afraid to hurt the baby in a dream. The quality of sleep of parents is significantly reduced due to worries.
It is better to teach a child to sleep separately from the age of 2.5 years:
- children under 6 months of age constantly need their mother and her care. During this period, you should choose a place to sleep near your mother, for example, on a side bed;
- children aged 6 months - 1.5 years develop imagination, they become more emotionally mobile. They may begin to experience anxiety, which affects the quality of sleep.
To feel safe for the baby will help finding parents nearby; - in the period from 1.5 - 2.5 years, children are afraid of the dark and loneliness, to help cope with them, you can be allowed to stay overnight in the parent's bedroom. Gradually, fears will come to naught; nine0017
- At the age of 2.5-3 years, children become independent and need to be taught to sleep separately. During this period, it happens less painfully.
It is difficult to teach separate sleeping, but babies who have been sleeping in a separate bed since birth are more comfortable moving to a separate room. Vladislav Zyablitsky does not recommend abruptly relocating a child to a separate room - this can cause a negative reaction, bind him even more strongly to his mother and, most likely, delay the process for a long time. nine0003
Before going to bed, it is worth accustoming the baby to the ritual - bathing, reading a fairy tale. It is worth repeating it daily, this will help the child feel safe.
At the end of breastfeeding, it is worth putting the baby to a separate bed. She can stand next to him, but it will be his personal crib. Gradually, it can be pushed further and further. When moving to a separate children's room, at first the child will need your presence in order to fall asleep.
"When it's time for bed, put the baby in his crib and say, without any negotiation, 'It's time for bed, good night.' If the baby gets out of bed, take him by the hand and take him back. Do this as many times as needed. Even if you have to repeat this action a thousand times. Set a condition for the child: you will have to pay for sleeping with your parents. This may be a limitation in games, meetings with friends, weekend entertainment. That is, if the child still goes to bed with his parents, then during the next day he is not allowed to play his favorite game on the phone, ”advises Yegor Semenov. nine0003
The main thing is to always keep your word. If you go along with the child and do not fulfill a promise, for example, to take away the phone, then the baby will disobey even more and begin to manipulate you.
In addition, Yegor Semenov recommends remembering to reward your child for good behavior. For example, take him to an amusement park, play board games together, or buy something as a gift.
To make moving to your room more comfortable, it should be prepared. Vladislav Zyablitsky gives a number of tips:
- the bed should be comfortable, with beautiful and bright linens, it is better to choose images with your favorite characters from cartoons and fairy tales;
- if the crib is without sides, it is better to put pillows on the floor at first - this will avoid injury if the child falls out of the crib;
- before going to bed, you need to put things in order in the room - put toys in a closet or box;
- in the nursery avoid objects that collect a lot of dust - curtains, large soft toys; nine0017
- ventilate the room before going to bed;
- follow the rituals before going to bed, they will allow you to tune in to rest, but it is better to exclude watching cartoons before going to bed.
