How does an unstable home affect a child
How Instability Affects Kids | Institute for Family Studies
As common sense would suggest and as research confirms, children tend to do best in stable households, where they know what to expect and feel (perhaps unconsciously) that their relationships, health, and safety are basically secure. Undergoing repeated transitions can cause stress by threatening this feeling and undermining kids' and their parents' sense of control over their lives, which then tends to worsen parenting and to lower children's academic achievement and mental health.
Unfortunately, instability is an extremely common experience in American kids' lives today, according to research collected by the Urban Institute. By the time they're in fourth grade, more than one-third of children will experience a change in their parents' relationship (whether marriage, separation, divorce, re-marriage, or the beginning or end of a cohabiting relationship). Changes in child care providers and schools are also common: the average child care arrangement lasts only one year, and as many as one in three fourth graders has switched schools at least once in the past two years. Twelve percent of all Americans change residences in a given year, and two in five adults living with kids suffer a major drop in income (of at least 25 percent) during the course of a year. Especially since the recession, tens of millions of families have experienced a period of unemployment or under-employment, with the financial and mental health challenges that accompany them.
Despite their similarities, all these types of transitions are seldom studied in tandem—a fact that inspired the Urban Institute to launch a project exploring the effects of all forms of instability on children's development and identifying specific areas for future research. The latest publication of that project, which collects the insights of a meeting of scholars, policy-makers, and practitioners, offers a useful primer on important aspects of instability, the ways it affects children, and the implications of these areas for public policy.
Aspects of Instability
Sometimes a transition in a child's life is positive: for instance, a parent receives a promotion at work that results in higher income and the family's move to a neighborhood with better schools.
In the short term, moving and changing schools may be stressful for the child; however, in the long term, that episode of instability may benefit him or her. Families' anticipation of and control over transitions can shape their impact; a parent's long-planned choice to leave the labor market to finish a degree will affect the family differently from an unexpected lay-off, even if the drop in income is the same.
The magnitude, frequency, and spill-over of instability also matter: A minor, one-time, temporary drop in family income would likely have less impact on a child than, say, repeated moves to different cities, or a divorce that led to a significant loss of household income as well as a change of residence and schools. Chronic instability—experiencing transitions so often that instability becomes the norm, as it does for many low-income families—may create toxic stress, which increases children's risks of all kinds of health and social problems.
Finally, many background factors affect the impact of a given transition.
The age, gender, race/ethnicity, temperament, and past experiences of a child; the mental health, parenting skills, employment, and past experiences of a parent; the nature of a family's social network and local community—all these factors and others contribute to exactly how a transition plays out in the lives of parents and children.
The Ways Instability Affects Kids
As mentioned above, instability creates stress and can threaten children's and parents' sense of security and control over their lives. "Specifically," the Urban Institute meeting participants noted, "stress can directly affect parental mental health and the ability of parents to parent; shape children’s sense of security, trust, and efficacy; affect executive functioning and ability to make proactive future oriented decisions for both children and adults; and...create 'learned helplessness.'"
Instability also frequently entails a loss of resources, whether of parental time and attention, household income, access to health care, or proximity to supportive relatives and friends, all of which obviously matter for children's successful development.
Furthermore, those are often precisely the resources that could have helped a family to minimize the negative effects of instability, meaning some transitions not only cause problems directly but also leave families less equipped to manage the problems they're facing. (For instance, a parent's job loss may cause stress and a drop in income, problems that would be easier to address if they did not also force a family to move to a new city away from their established network of support.)
Implications for Policy
Although many aspects of the safety net, such as unemployment insurance, food stamps, and cash welfare benefits, are designed to mitigate the negative effects of common forms of instability, sometimes public programs can contribute to instability. Certain policies and programs are tied to a family's residence in a certain area or to a parent's employment status, which means that a move or a job loss may have the added effect of forcing a change in child care arrangements or forfeiting access to housing assistance.
Thus the primary suggestion for policy-makers on instability is to "do no harm," or to ensure that the eligibility requirements for aid programs do not unnecessarily worsen the impact of negative forms of instability. Despite the possible costs, reforming programs along these lines should make them more effective.
Meeting participants also called for the collection and sharing of data on instability, and for schools, health care providers, social workers, and others to use that data to identify and support families suffering from instability. Such data sharing would help service providers to address all of a family's intersecting problems, and it could help parents to mitigate the negative impact of instability on their kids.
The Effects of Growing Up in an Unstable Environment
In blog May 14th, 2018
Children need predictability and a nurturing, stable environment in order to develop emotionally.
It is important for them to have a routine so that they know what to expect and have people that they can count on. Unfortunately, many children experience an unstable environment in their homes due to issues such as:
- financial troubles
- parental unemployment
- addiction in a family member
- divorce
- remarrying
- neglect
- physical or verbal abuse
Children that grow up in single parent homes for example tend to have poorer mental and physical health overall than those that have both biological parents throughout their childhood.
Early childhood experiences can shape a person’s lifelong health and learning so it is crucial for young children to have as much stability as possible. An unstable environment can have a profound impact on a child’s feelings of security and their eventual transformation into an adult.
Impact of Poor Conditions and Neglect
Different types of instability can affect children in a variety of ways, usually damaging specific aspects of their health.
For example, a study found that depriving children of a loving environment can cause them to have lower IQs and even stunted growth leading to a shorter stature. They also tended to have more behavioral and psychological problems than children that came from a more loving home.
The study was conducted on children in a Romanian orphanage that lived in deprived conditions and were found to be shorter than average. Amazingly, many of the children that were moved to foster homes experienced a growth spurt and even saw an increase in their IQ level.
Not all psychological issues were resolved by moving the children into better homes however, as many of them remained aggressive and confrontational due to their early experiences of neglect.
Scientists involved in the study also discovered that lack of social interaction had a negative impact on the children’s neural development which tended to be weaker when they were raised in poor conditions.
Growing Up with Divorce
Although many children are fortunate enough to grow up with both of their biological parents, divorce is an all too common problem that can have a tremendous effect on a child’s development.
No matter what the age of the child, divorce is a major change in family life that can sometimes lead to the absence of a parent or switching between two different households, leading to an unstable childhood.
Typically in younger children, divorce tends to intensify their dependence and cause a regressive response as they experience the unfamiliarity, instability and insecurity of their new parental situation.
Adolescents may behave in the opposite way becoming more independent and aggressive, often defying their parents following the divorce. The long-term impact of divorce can result in issues of anxiety, depression and difficulty maintaining healthy relationships.
Financial Issues And Unemployment
Families that experience financial hardship may end up creating an unstable environment for a child who is not able to have material needs met. Low family income tends to negatively affect social-emotional, cognitive and academic abilities as children grow up.
Parental employment instability is also linked to poorer academic performance in children including problems with grade retention, lower educational attainment and internalizing or externalizing behaviors. Parents with lower academic achievement such as a high school education or less tend to have children who experience more problems with grade retention.
Job instability including job loss tends to have worse behavioral outcomes for children compared with situations in which a parent may voluntarily change jobs or has fluctuating work hours. A father’s job loss in dual income households tends to have more of a negative impact on children than a mother’s job loss.
Residential instability and the quality of homes and neighborhoods can also lead to worse academic and social outcomes for young elementary school children including poor social development.
Addiction and the Cycle of Abuse
Children who grow up in a household with an addicted parent tend to experience more neglect and abuse than in non-addicted families.
This created an unstable environment for them and they are inclined to have behavioral and social problems that continue into adulthood.
Exposure to drug use itself can also have a negative impact on children who are more likely to commit crimes or abuse substances as adults. Studies have shown a shocking number of currently detained prison inmates experienced abuse or witnessed addiction in their upbringing.
Children who grow up amongst drug abuse, alcoholism and criminal activity are more likely to join into these activities as they grow older. This creates a terrible cycle, especially for those who grow up in underprivileged neighborhoods and environments where drug use is more common. These children tend to remain “in the system” often ending up in prison when they become adults.
Any type of instability can have an impact on children but those who go through the worst levels of neglect and abuse often struggle to recover and live normal lives as adults.
5 punishments that will shatter the child's psyche
Silence and ignoring
Parents who use ignoring as a punishment do not answer the child's questions and do not even notice his presence.
As 22-year-old Daria from Moscow admitted in a conversation with Gazeta.Ru, in childhood she was faced with this style of upbringing: “I was often punished in childhood with silence, which made me feel guilty. And once my dad didn’t talk to me for a whole week because I forgot about a lesson with a math tutor that he paid for in advance. My father did not even answer my messages and did not pick up the phone. All this week it seemed to me that the whole world was against me. And my mother was on his side.” nine0005
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Which parents tend to choose silence and neglect as punishment for their child? Family psychologist Olga Romaniv answers:
“As a rule, two types of parents resort to such tactics. First of all, authoritarians, who simultaneously demonstrate their power over the child along with the tactics of total ignore - it depends on them whether to talk or not, when to start talking = to forgive the child.
The second type are children who have gone through a similar path of upbringing, with "success" applying it in their adult life: in relationships with a partner, with their own children and, you will laugh, with their parents who taught them this. nine0005
According to the expert, in such a family the child begins to be afraid not of being frankly told what he is wrong about, but of psychological pressure. Romaniv explains how such punishment affects the child's psyche.
“This provokes global self-doubt, a constant fear of doing something wrong, not to please - all this will go with the child into adulthood and will definitely affect relations with others. A person brought up in "silence" will have difficulty establishing verbal communication and agreeing on something with people. Silence will be more comfortable for him than discussing problems,” explains Olga Romaniv. nine0005
The psychologist notes that one should not disregard the fact that such upbringing does not teach the child the most important thing - understanding what needs to be done to correct one's own mistakes.
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Scream
Some families believe that talking in raised tones is more effective in conveying important information to the child. 35-year-old Natalya from Bryansk recalls her childhood: “My mother is a teacher, and she always had a habit of speaking loudly so that the whole class could hear. If only this... The walls of our house always cracked from her screaming when I did something wrong. One day a neighbor knocked on our door and asked what was going on. On that day, without asking, I put on my mother’s sandals with heels two or three sizes larger (I was ten), stumbled on the threshold and tore them a little. I will remember this scandal for the rest of my life. nine0005
I lived with my mother until I was 25, and we constantly shouted at each other for any reason. Once I asked her why she was yelling like that. The answer struck me: “So that you hear and remember!” Fortunately, my husband patiently taught me to do without crying, and I try to raise my sons differently.
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A family psychologist explains which parents tend to choose punishment by shouting: “People who are unrestrained, emotional, who hardly manage to control themselves, switch to shouting. In some ways, these people are not bad and often really want the best for their children, but they do not have the patience or opportunities to get their thoughts across in a calm manner. This can also include people who are experiencing some kind of negative emotions at this particular moment, are nervous - for such parents, a child’s mistake becomes a “start” button for the release of their own emotions. This is what we colloquially call breaking loose. nine0005
Olga Romaniv warns parents what such tactics in education can lead to:
“Screaming plunges a child into a state of stress, fear, increases the level of nervousness.
Emotionally unstable parents often do this, and, knowing about their problem, they use the “carrot and stick” tactics: they yelled, and then allowed something to the child beyond measure. When the child crossed the borders once again, they yelled again. And the child is constantly between two states - permissiveness, on the one hand, punishment by screaming, on the other. As a result, an emotionally unstable, spoiled child grows up, who adopts a way to get his way by screaming - in fact, an infantile neurotic. nine0005
The psychologist also noticed that children always copy the behavior of their parents or other significant adults. Therefore, it is not surprising that the cry will be perceived by the son or daughter as the norm, and as a result, after some time, the child will begin to demonstrate similar hysteria, agitation and emotionality in response, Romaniv assures.
Insults
Some parents scold children for mistakes without choosing expressions. 18-year-old Marusya from Moscow admits that rude words have long become the norm in her family: “We have an interesting relationship.
For example, in the morning dad can tell me: “Why are you wearing so much makeup, African monkey!” And in the evening to give out to the younger sister, who does not want to do homework: “You would have a gram of brain, dumb sheep, maybe you would have learned to think!” If we didn’t clean the room, it means that we are “pigs” for mom. At the same time, our parents say that they love us very much.” nine0005
Olga Romaniv described the psychological portrait of an adult who can afford insults when communicating with children: “When we talk about insults, this, of course, immediately indicates several human problems - intemperance, the complete absence of psychological “brakes” and empathy, bad manners , rudeness, low intelligence. Among other things, a person who resorts to insulting his own child is frankly not smart and does not understand that any action has consequences. nine0005
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The expert is sure that even a small child understands that insults are humiliating and explains how it affects the child's psyche.
“It is not necessary to be surprised that a child learns the language of insults very quickly and begins to use it in relation to those who are weaker. At the same time, insults will very soon fly in the direction of the parents, who themselves showed him an example of how to behave (unless, of course, physical violence is added to the insults, and the child does not begin to fear his parents even more). nine0005
How do children grow up who were abused by their parents? Different - clamped, with low self-esteem and a bunch of internal experiences driven inside themselves, or, conversely, those who realized quite early: whoever is stronger, albeit verbally so far, is right. That is, in response, we get the same emotional incontinence, multiplied by aggressiveness and even cruelty, ”said Romaniv.
Public humiliation
Sometimes parents deliberately publicly shame a child for a misconduct, voicing his mistakes in front of third parties. 30-year-old Alexey from the Moscow region recalls:
“My parents often went on business trips, and I was mostly raised by my grandmother.
She constantly repeated: “While the mother is gone, let other people listen to what you are doing!”. The fact that I stole cigarettes from my grandfather at the age of ten was known to the whole district, and each of the neighbors made their own verdict on how best to punish me. And once we were on the train to Moscow and my grandmother loudly scolded me for putting on a dirty T-shirt and looking around, probably in search of sympathetic looks. As my mother said, my grandmother does this because she loves and cares for me. nine0005
According to Olga Romaniv, all parents who consciously practice this tactic have something in common.
“This is what insecure people do, who constantly need the approval and support of someone else from the outside. Such people do not take responsibility, preferring to shift it onto someone else’s shoulders, ”says the psychologist.
The expert also emphasizes that unrestrained, emotional people who do not notice others, as they are too carried away by the situation, can publicly punish their child.
It is quite possible for these parents to say “be quiet”, and they (unlike parents who deliberately punish children in public) are able to realize that they did something wrong. nine0005
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A family psychologist comments on how such upbringing affects the child's psyche:
“For a child, such behavior is comparable to betrayal. This leads to a loss of trust between children and parents, because the child first of all expects protection from close adults. It can be assumed that a son or daughter will close and is unlikely to come to their parents with their problems. Plus, this can instill distrust in the child of those who are nearby - he will constantly wait for a dirty trick from a partner already in adulthood. nine0005
Deprivation of something for an indefinite period
In some families, it is customary to deprive a child of something important for him as a punishment, but at the same time, the term for returning the taken is not announced.
A high school student from Moscow, who asked not to be identified his age and name, shared his story: “Mom and dad are divorced. We communicate with my father every week, and sometimes he makes gifts. And then he confiscates them with the words “You are punished. I'll return later." I ask: "When will you return?" Answer: "We'll see when." The last time I took my smartphone away because I shot videos for one social network that he doesn’t like. The smartphone has not been returned so far. I go with an old phone. I'm offended by my father." nine0005
15-year-old Veronika from Moscow recalls: “When I was little, I was deprived of watching cartoons for my faults. It is especially disappointing when you are waiting for a new series, and they tell you that the punishment is still ongoing! And when it will end - do not specify. It felt like an eternity to me."
Olga Romaniv describes the psychological portrait of such parents: “Here we can talk about authoritarianism and at the same time about ill-conceived actions, this is typical of infantile people, for whom education is not a life-long process, but a momentary reaction: I’ll take something away from you , and you will understand, and then I will give it back when I see fit, or I won’t give it back at all.
By and large, a responsible parent cannot behave so irresponsibly.” nine0005
An expert explains how such upbringing tactics affect the child's psyche:
“Such behavior knocks the ground out from under the child's feet, deprives him of confidence in the future, and he feels defenseless, in some ways even lost.
Such situations lead to a decrease in self-esteem, an increase in self-doubt, fear of loss, fear that they will come and take away something dear to your heart. In adulthood, such a child can demonstrate greed, distrust of loved ones, individualism, selfishness towards a partner. They can apply similar educational methods to their children - give and take away gifts / money / material values at their own discretion, as proof of their superiority, ”warns family psychologist Olga Romaniv. nine0005
Baby sleeps a little during the day: how to prolong his sleep
If a child wakes up in the afternoon after 40 minutes or earlier, it is necessary to understand the reasons for his awakening
Short daytime sleep is one of the common problems faced by parents of babies.
The baby sleeps less than 40 minutes, and it takes much longer to put him down. Parents do not have a day break, the baby does not have time to sleep. Why is this happening and what to do about it? Psychologist Olga Snegovskaya, a certified child sleep consultant, explains how to solve the problem. nine0103
Sleeping 40 minutes is not enough
Short naps are only a problem for children older than 4 months. Until this age, an unstable daily routine is a natural phenomenon in the development of a baby: in the first 3–4 months, sleep is “composed” in segments from 30 minutes to 4 hours, the child often wakes up to feed or change a diaper, so a 30–40-minute daily rest is considered the norm .
Until the daytime nap pattern is complete, it is important to watch for signs of fatigue while the child is awake. As soon as you notice the first signs of fatigue, start putting your baby to bed. So you determine the individual boundaries of the child's activity and organize timely and sufficient rest for him.
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Babies usually have three naps at 4 months. But if each of them lasts 30–40 minutes, this means that the child sleeps little during the day and this is not enough for a full recovery of strength.
In addition, quiet hours provide not only rest, but also quality waking time, and therefore timely sleep when it's time for the next nap. It is best if daytime sleep after 4 months lasts at least an hour. How to do it?
Why a child sleeps little during the day and how to prolong his sleep
There are several reasons why babies' daytime sleep is disturbed.
1. Incorrect distribution of sleep during the day
There are such recommendations for the distribution of daytime sleep for different ages:
- in 4 months - 2-3 naps;
- by 6-9 months - 2 naps;
- by 15-18 months - 1 dream.
Going to bed must be organized at the right time. Falling asleep should be calm and last no more than 10-20 minutes, sleep time should correspond to age norms.
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How to prolong a child's daytime sleep if it is interrupted.
- Interrupted sleep is best extended by 20–40 minutes.
- If sleep cannot be extended, the time spent awake should be reduced by about 20-30 minutes.
- Measures to prolong sleep should be taken as soon as possible.
- To prolong sleep, it is necessary to repeat the same steps that were used by parents when laying down the child. It is important to observe the initial conditions of falling asleep: place, noise level, lighting. nine0125
- If the duration of sleep is 1 hour or more, it is not necessary to extend such sleep.
2. Overfatigue
Often the degree of fatigue of the baby affects the duration of sleep. Moreover, the point is not only that he was tired “not enough”, “didn’t finish walking”. Some parents believe that the more tired the child is, the better he will sleep. It's not exactly like that.
Rest affects the levels of cortisol (a wakefulness hormone released in response to stress, including fatigue) in the body.
Sleep deprivation keeps stress levels high, which affects the quality and duration of wakefulness and subsequent daytime sleep, shortening or breaking it into chunks. Pay attention to signs of fatigue in your child, try not to let him overwork. nine0005
If one nap was skipped, interrupted, or just short, it is important that the next nap comes a little earlier. Try to make sure that the deviation in the regime is no more than 30-60 minutes. At the same time, adhere to the optimal intervals for the onset of dreams to ensure their regularity:
- for waking up in the morning: 6:00-7:30;
- for daytime sleep: 8:00-10:00 and 12:00-14:00;
- for night sleep: 18:00-20:00.
This will help maintain the structure of the day and the quality of subsequent dreams will not be affected. nine0005
3. Inability to independently move from one sleep cycle to another
By 4 months, a child's sleep approaches adult sleep in structure: the same stages are present in it.
The stage of falling asleep turns into superficial sleep, which, in turn, is rapidly replaced by deep sleep, during which rest and “reboot” of all body systems take place. After that, the turn of REM sleep comes, when the brain is actively processing information, and the baby is dreaming. After the cycle is completed, the child wakes up completely or partially. Then the cycle repeats. nine0005
Each cycle in infants lasts 40–60 minutes; this is less than the duration of the sleep cycle in adults.
To help your baby stay awake at the end of a cycle, watch him. In a few days, you will know in advance exactly when he can wake up. Your main task is to be there in time. As soon as you notice the first signs of awakening, try to quickly return the baby to a sleepy state. The sooner measures are taken to prolong sleep, the more effective they will work. nine0005
If your child cannot fall asleep again with your help, it is important to teach them how to fall asleep on their own using sleep training techniques.
4. Unconscious encouragement of awakenings by parents
A child wakes up if parents encourage awakening, for example, by changing the conditions of falling asleep during sleep. For example, if you put your child to sleep in a crib, and after waking up at night they took you to your bed, you thereby involuntarily encouraged awakening: the child remembers the signal "I need to sleep, wake up - and they will take me to their place." So the time of awakening at night will shift to an ever earlier one, sleep will be fragmented and reduced. nine0005
Children live according to the principle of cyclicity and get used to monotonous and repetitive actions. Even being very tiny, they are able to establish causal relationships. Therefore, parents should be predictable and consistent, maintain constant conditions for sleeping and falling asleep, and try to be understandable to the baby.
5. Genetic characteristics
Each child has its own characteristics, including those associated with the need for rest.
