How do you help a child with odd

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) - Diagnosis and treatment

Diagnosis

To determine whether your child has oppositional defiant disorder, a mental health provider does a thorough psychological exam. ODD often occurs along with other behavioral or mental health problems. So it may be difficult to tell which symptoms are from ODD and which ones are linked to other problems.

Your child's exam will likely include an assessment of:

Overall health.
How often the behaviors occur and how severe they are.
Emotions and behavior in different settings and relationships.
Family situations and interactions.
Strategies that have been helpful ― or not helpful ― in managing problem behaviors.
Issues experienced by the child and the family due to the problem behaviors.
Other possible mental health, learning or communication problems.

Treatment

Treatment for oppositional defiant disorder primarily involves family-based interventions. But treatment may include other types of talk therapy and training for your child — as well as for parents. Treatment often lasts several months or longer. It's important to also treat any other problems, such as a mental health condition or learning disorder, because they can cause or worsen ODD symptoms if left untreated.

Medicines alone generally aren't used for ODD unless your child also has another mental health condition. If your child also has other conditions, such as ADHD, anxiety disorders or depression, medicines may help improve these symptoms.

Treatment for ODD usually includes:

Parenting skills training. A mental health professional with experience treating ODD can help you develop parenting skills that are more consistent, positive and less frustrating for you and your child. In some cases, your child may join you in this training, so everyone in your family develops a consistent approach and shared goals for how to handle problems. Involving other authority figures, such as teachers, in the training may be an important part of treatment.
Parent-child interaction therapy (PCIT). During PCIT, a therapist coaches you while you interact with your child. In one approach, the therapist sits behind a one-way mirror. Using an "ear bug" audio device, the therapist guides you through strategies that reinforce your child's positive behavior. As a result, you can learn more-effective parenting techniques, improve the quality of your relationship with your child and reduce problem behaviors.
Individual and family therapy. Individual therapy for your child may help them learn to manage anger and express feelings in a healthier way. Family therapy may help improve your communication and relationships and help your family members learn how to work together.
Problem-solving training. Cognitive problem-solving therapy can help your child identify and change thought patterns that lead to behavior problems. In a type of therapy called collaborative problem-solving, you and your child work together to come up with solutions that work for both of you.
Social skills training. Your child also may benefit from therapy that will help them be more flexible and learn how to interact in a more positive and effective way with peers.

As part of parent training, you may learn how to manage your child's behavior by:

Giving clear instructions and following through with appropriate consequences when needed.
Recognizing and praising your child's good behaviors and positive traits to encourage desired behaviors.

Although some parenting techniques may seem like common sense, learning to use them consistently in the face of opposition isn't easy. It's especially hard if there are other stressors at home. Learning these skills requires routine practice and patience.

Most importantly, during treatment, show consistent, unconditional love and acceptance of your child — even during difficult and disruptive situations. Don't be too hard on yourself. This process can be tough for even the most patient parents.

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Family therapy

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Lifestyle and home remedies

At home, you can work on improving problem behaviors of oppositional defiant disorder by practicing these strategies:

Recognize and praise your child's positive behaviors as close to the time you see them as possible. Be as specific as possible. For example, "I really liked the way you helped pick up your toys tonight." Providing rewards for positive behavior also may help, especially with younger children.
Model the behavior you want your child to have. Watching you interact well with others can help your child improve social skills.
Pick your battles and avoid power struggles. Almost everything can turn into a power struggle if you let it.
Set limits by giving clear instructions and using consistent reasonable consequences. Discuss setting these limits during times when you're not arguing with each other.
Set up a routine by developing a regular daily schedule for your child. Ask your child to help develop that routine.
Build in time together by planning a weekly schedule that includes you and your child doing things together.
Work together with your partner or others in your household to ensure consistent and appropriate discipline procedures. Also ask for support from teachers, coaches and other adults who spend time with your child.
Assign a household chore that's needed and that won't get done unless your child does it. At first, it's important to set your child up for success with tasks that are fairly easy to do well. Gradually blend in more-important and challenging jobs. Give clear, easy-to-follow instructions. Use this as an opportunity to reinforce positive behavior.
Be prepared for challenges early on. At first, your child probably won't cooperate or appreciate your changed response to their behavior. Expect behavior to worsen at first after you tell them the new things you now expect. At this early stage, staying consistent even if the problem behavior worsens, is the key to success.

With regular and consistent effort, using these methods can result in improved behavior and relationships.

Coping and support

It's challenging to be the parent of a child with oppositional defiant disorder. Ask questions and tell your treatment team about your concerns and needs. Consider getting counseling for yourself and your family to learn coping strategies to help manage your own needs. Also seek and build supportive relationships and learn stress management skills to help get through difficult times.

Learning coping and support strategies can lead to better outcomes for you and your child because you'll be more prepared to deal with problem behaviors.

Preparing for your appointment

You may start by seeing your child's health care provider. Or you may choose to make an appointment directly with a mental health provider. A mental health provider can make a diagnosis and create a treatment plan that meets your child's needs.

When possible, both parents or caregivers should be present with the child. Or take a trusted family member or friend along to support you and help you remember information.

What you can do

Before your appointment, make a list of:

Symptoms your child has been experiencing, and for how long.
Key family information, including factors that you think may be linked to changes in your child's behavior. Include any stressors and changes in the family, such as parents' separation or divorce and differences in parenting styles, including what's expected from your child.
Your child's school performance, including grades and areas where your child does well or poorly in school. Include any learning disorder assessments and any special education services.
Issues that you, your family and your child have been experiencing because of the problem behavior.
Your child's key medical information, including other physical or mental health conditions your child may have.
Any medicines, vitamins, herbal products and other supplements your child is taking, including the doses.
Questions to ask your health care provider or mental health provider to make the most of your appointment.

Some questions to ask your child's mental health provider include:

What do you believe is causing my child's symptoms?
Are there any other possible causes, such as other mental health conditions?
Is this condition likely temporary or long lasting?
What issues do you think might be contributing to my child's problem?
What treatment approach do you recommend?
Is my child at increased risk of any long-term complications from this condition?
What changes do you suggest at home or school to improve my child's behavior?
Should I tell my child's teachers about this diagnosis?
What else can my family and I do to help my child?
Do you recommend family therapy?

Feel free to ask other questions during your appointment.

What to expect from your doctor

Here are examples of questions that your mental health provider may ask.

What are your concerns about your child's behavior?
When did you first notice these problems?
Have your child's teachers or other caregivers reported problem behaviors in your child?
About how often over the last six months has your child had an angry and irritable mood, argued with or defied people in authority, or purposely hurt others' feelings?
In what settings does your child show these behaviors?
Do any specific situations seem to trigger problem behavior in your child?
How have you been handling your child's problem behavior?
How do you usually discipline your child?
How would you describe your child's home and family life?
What kinds of stress has your family been dealing with?
Does your child have any other medical or mental health conditions?

Be ready to answer your mental health provider's questions. That way you'll have more time to go over any other information that's important to you.

By Mayo Clinic Staff

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How to Discipline a Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder: ODD Help

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Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) in Children

Every parent of a child with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) knows what it’s like to troubleshoot behavior problems — your child saying no to requests or blurting out disrespectful retorts.

Children with ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) take defiant behavior to the extreme. They have a pattern of angry, violent, and disruptive behaviors toward parents, caretakers, and other authority figures. These children require smart, specific oppositional defiant disorder strategies — and more than their fair share of patience.

“Choose your battles carefully, and find humor in every situation. ” -Robin, Colorado

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ODD and ADHD: Stats and Facts

Forty percent of children with ADHD also develop ODD. Before puberty, ODD is more common in boys; after puberty, it is equally common in both genders. About half of all preschoolers diagnosed with ODD outgrow the problem by age eight. Older kids with ODD are less likely to outgrow it. Oppositional defiant disorder may persist into adulthood.

"It is imperative to believe in yourself and to see your child as an asset to the world.” -Ruth Ann, Ohio

Parent Discipline to Deal with a child with ADHD and ODD

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ODD and ADHD: The Links

A child’s oppositional behaviors aren’t intentional. Experts think that ODD is linked to intense impulsivity. Not being able to control impulses, combined with the stress and frustration of trying to get on top of ADHD symptoms every day, lead some children to lash out, physically and verbally.

[Symptom Test: Oppositional Defiant Disorder in Children]

A child with ODD and ADHD will need specialized attention and a smart strategy to parent.

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How to Diagnose a Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Every child will act out and test his boundaries. It may be hard to know whether a child is normally defiant or has ODD. Consult a therapist trained in childhood behavioral problems. He should also screen for anxiety and mood disorders — each of which may cause oppositional behavior. Left untreated, ODD can evolve into conduct disorder, a more serious behavioral problem.

“Disengage when he is out of control, wait for the 'crazy' to stop, and re-approach.” -Cheryl, New Jersey

A sad child lies on the gravel of a school playground.

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How to Treat a Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Treatment strategies for co-existing ODD and ADHD start with controlling ADHD symptoms. When a child’s hyperactivity, impulsiveness, and inattention are reduced, there is usually an improvement in ODD symptoms. Stimulant medications have been shown to decrease ADHD symptoms, as well as those of ODD, by up to 50 percent.

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How to Discipline a Child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder

If a child with ODD doesn’t respond well to stimulants, some doctors prescribe the non-stimulant atomoxetine (brand name: Strattera). In one study, researchers found that the medication significantly reduced ODD and ADHD symptoms. However, higher doses of the medication were needed to control symptoms.

[Free Download: Why Is My Child So Defiant?]

Adult man screams at a child. Father is angry at his son. Silhouettes of parent and child. Education, punishment, suppression, abuse, growing up.

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Change a Child’s Behavior — by Changing Yours

The treatment of choice for ODD is parent management training. Parents are taught to change their reactions to a child’s behavior — good and bad. Training involves using carrots and sticks — giving well-defined rewards and praise when your child cooperates, and consequences for misbehavior. Therapists will also work with a parent and child together to solve specific challenges.

“I am strong-willed as well, so it has been a battle of the wills. But instead of trying to change my daughter, I changed myself. It wasn’t easy, but when she became defiant, I said to myself, “I will not buy a ticket to this show.” I ignored her, no matter how she tried to pull me in. She stopped almost immediately.” -Ramona, Florida

Get Everyone on the Same Page: Parent Discipline When Dealing with a Child with ODD and ADHD

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ODD Discipline in Three Steps

ODD experts find the following strategy effective for parents: Ask your child with ODD calmly to do something. If he doesn’t respond to you in two minutes, gently tell him, “I’m asking you a second time. Do you know what I’m asking you to do — and the consequences if you don’t? Please make a smart decision.”

If you have to ask a third time, he suffers the pre-arranged consequence — no TV or video games for an hour. Whatever it is, the consequence should fit the misbehavior for it to matter to your child.

“Including my teenage son in the conversation and allowing him to help formulate a plan gives him ownership of his behavior.” -Stephanie, New York

mother and boy with ADHD talking about his behavior, using the one-minute “think through” tool

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Get Everyone on the Same Page

For behavior therapy to work, all of the caring adults in the child's life should use the same discipline strategies that you do. Grandparents, teachers, nannies, and other adults who spend time alone with your child with oppositional defiant disorder must understand which carrots and sticks you use and, above all, use them consistently. If one of them gives into your child’s bad behavior, it can undermine your discipline program.

“Both parents need to support each other and be on the same page.” -An ADDitude Reader

Mindfulness also helps when dealing with angry outbursts. Children with ADHD or ODD can be rude, defiant, and sometimes downright obnoxious. How do parents keep their cool? Mindfulness teaches you that the only person you can control in any confrontation is yourself. If you regroup and focus on your breathing before you react, you’ll find yourself […]

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Do Not Take ODD Personally

It is difficult for a parent to remain calm when a child with ODD is verbally abusing her, but don’t overreact. Yelling or spanking may worsen a child’s oppositional behaviors. Stay calm and emotionally neutral amid your child’s defiance.

Oppositional kids have radar for adult hostility. If they pick up your anger, they’re going to match it. Figure out your coping strategy ahead of time so that you can remain calm when triggered by your child's behaviors.

Parents with Children Playing Game at Home. Flat Cartoon Mother, Father and Two Daughter Different Ages Spending Time Together in Living Room. Happy Parenthood and Childhood. Vector Illustration

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Practice Positive Parenting

Helping parents learn to praise good behavior is one of the toughest challenges therapists face. Many parents are so focused on bad behavior that they stop reinforcing positive ones. A few tips for dealing with ODD in children:

Specify the praiseworthy behavior
Be enthusiastic while not overdoing it
Finish up with a non-verbal gesture — a kiss on the cheek or a hug

silhouette of little girl holding parent hand at sunset sky

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Be Creative and Be Consistent

The more creatively you tailor your program of rewards and punishments to your child’s specific abilities and needs, the better. Her needs change as she grows. Creativity is important, but consistency is vital to success. Consistency in the way you treat your child — setting rules, conveying expectations — is the key to parenting a child with ODD.

[Read This Now: Facts About Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADHD]

Child psychologist "SM-Doctor" gave advice on how to help a child find friends

We figure out how parents can help a child experiencing communication difficulties and not injure him even more.

We deal with Victoria Bogdanova, a child psychologist, an employee of the SM-Doctor clinic for children and adolescents in Maryina Roscha.

Why can't the child find friends?

In most cases, the problem lies in his parents. Among the common reasons are hyperprotection, limited communication with peers, lack of conditions for the child's self-affirmation, or a negative attitude of parents towards his independent actions. All this can lead to the psychological unpreparedness of the child to communicate with other children.

In addition to parental upbringing, communication problems can also be related to the child's personality, for example, if he is too withdrawn or shy.

The third source of problems with socialization can be the children's community itself, which is often quite cruel. Modern children usually spend their time playing alone, often at the computer. This leads to the fact that boys and girls do not know the usual ways for us to get to know each other. In addition, their ability to empathize is not so strongly developed, it is difficult for them to support each other and talk about important topics.

Adults should start working on developing a friendly attitude towards relatives and peers in a child from about 2-3 years old. It is possible to induce emotional responsiveness in children through reading fairy tales: the child must understand that the characters experience certain feelings that need to be treated with care. Some parents, fearing for their child, impose on him a negative and wary attitude towards other people, and this forms difficulties with communication. To avoid such consequences, it is necessary to educate the child in openness to people, and not alertness and negativity.

Signs indicating that the child has problems with socialization

Naturally, each person is formed in his own way, has individual characteristics, and this is connected not only with the nervous system and temperament, but also with the conditions of development. Starting from the age of 4-5, the level of significance of contacts with peers for a child only increases. Therefore, if your child:

is aggressive towards his peers,
complains about the lack of friends or the unwillingness of peers to communicate with him,
goes to kindergarten or school reluctantly,
does not call up with anyone, does not invite to visit (or if no one calls and invites him),
is often alone,
spends all his time playing computer games/reading/TV,

you should pay attention to a possible problem and start taking certain actions to solve it.

Consider the problem on the example of a language understandable to everyone - the language of animation. On September 14, the Disney Channel begins showing the animated series Owl House, which is dedicated to this topic. The main character of the series, Luz, is so passionate about fantasy books that her peers consider her strange and do not want to be friends with her.

If in reality the parents are faced with a similar situation shown in the animated series, is it worth encouraging the interests of the child and his ways of expressing himself when his peers shun him? How can this situation be corrected?

It is worth noting that the girl was immersed in fantasy books not by chance: there was something wrong with her relationship with her mother from the very beginning. Escape to the magical world allowed Luz to find what she lacked in real life: the ability to have her own opinion, to defend her will and interests. She managed to realize herself in a world inhabited by rebels and freedom-loving characters.

Luz's infatuation began to spread in a form that frightened peers and adults, her eccentric behavior at school harmed those around her. Definitely, parents should support their children's hobbies, however, they need to tell them about the existence of personal boundaries of other people and that an unusual form of self-expression can be repulsive. To close the need, you need to find, together with the child, the place where it is acceptable, and it’s definitely not worth extending your eccentricities to all people.

It is important for parents to build close trusting relationships with the child, to encourage his interests, because in this way the child's feelings and experiences are sublimated. And the situation can be corrected, for example, through art therapy or joint work of the parent, child and psychologist. The first task is to understand which needs are not satisfied.

Often, parents send their child to a kindergarten or send him to a summer camp so that he is socialized there. But what if he doesn't feel comfortable there?

In such cases, parents are most often convinced that they know how and what will be best and right for their child. In most of these situations, they do not focus on the real desires and needs of children, but project their own onto them. Please ask your child about where he wants to go or go, how he feels being away from home, what difficulties he faces. It is very important not to leave him alone with his experiences and not downplay his problems. Help your child find the answer to a difficult question, cope with a difficult situation. In the animated series Owl House, a mother wants to commit an act against her daughter's will, and this only provokes her escape into a fantasy world. It is difficult for a girl to find friendly relationships, and her mother does not listen to the needs of her child, which only aggravates the situation. In her place, it would be worth acting quite the opposite: to establish contact with her daughter and find out about her desires.

No less important is to help the child not withdraw into himself. So, in order not to allow the child to go into compensatory fantasies, parents should first of all develop in him the skill of accepting reality with its difficulties. Helping a child cope with failures is possible only through emotional support: asking about his condition, sharing experiences, talking about his experiences from childhood. In this way, the parent will be able to help the child not be disappointed and not withdraw into himself, even when it seems that those around him do not accept him.

What parents should remember

First, talk to your child. The words “I see that you are sad / angry / worried. I would like your relationship with the guys to develop differently” are really important, since a child at any age should feel that the parent loves him, is always ready to listen and is aware of his difficulties. This approach helps build trust.

Secondly, it is important for the parent himself to stop overprotecting the child, unquestioningly fulfill his every desire and indulge his every demand. This is necessary so that he learns to independently solve emerging issues and cope with his own egoism. For example, children often demand to play by their rules, and if they lose, they are offended and upset. But life in society does not work like that - a child must be able to play together with other children: sometimes under someone else's guidance, sometimes according to different rules.

Everyone knows that children copy the behavioral model of their parents, which means that you can correct their behavior through your own example. You can convey an important experience without notations and moralizing by telling the child the story of meeting his childhood friends, about how friendship flowed, about quarrels and reconciliations.

Initiate visits and contacts with other children. If possible, change the child's living conditions and social circle as little as possible: because of frequent moves, it will be difficult for him to build close relationships with peers.

Watch movies and cartoons together that raise this topic, and be sure to discuss the actions and behavior of the characters after watching. From the side it is always easier to assess the situation, and then try to shift it to your own experience.

What will help the child to join the team?

There are basic skills and abilities that will help the child get used to the team, but work on their development, of course, should be carried out by parents.

The ability to understand one's feelings and emotions, as well as the ability to manage and express them in an adequate form. From an early age, parents need to develop the emotional intelligence of their children. For example, you need to teach your child to verbally express resentment without provoking conflict.
The desire of the child himself to maintain emotional contact and intimacy with other people, to share and be able to understand their feelings. It is important that the child wants to take part in games with peers, perform collective tasks, and at the same time not be afraid to take the initiative in his own hands or support the initiative of other people.
An equally valuable skill is the understanding of boundaries, as well as the ability to accept refusals and say “no” yourself. The child should be aware of the existence of private property - their own and other people's toys.

The ability to keep up a conversation, joke and ask questions. It is important to teach the child the ability to hear and listen to another person, as well as to adequately respond to stimuli.

Published on marieclaire.ru

How to help a child constructively resolve conflicts and prevent bullying - article - Corporation Russian textbook (Drofa-Ventana publishing house)

Bullying and conflict

“Harassment does not depend on social status and level of education. Bullying is a matter of team dynamics. And Russia in all of Eastern Europe leads in the number of cases of bullying in collectives.

The peak of bullying usually occurs at the age of 11-13. Almost 50% of children face this problem. And every second child-aggressor used to be a victim himself. Well, as experience shows, any child can face bullying - regardless of the social status of the family, their own appearance, academic achievements and other factors.

“There are no people in bullying who don’t suffer. Everyone suffers - even the aggressors, who at first glance seem evil and terrible. It’s just that their pain from family or personal problems lies much deeper than one can imagine.”

We will not be able to completely get rid of conflicts in the children's team - this must be admitted. It is impossible to make friends with all the children in the team. And, moreover, it is a false goal. Children will always quarrel, conflict, annoy each other, sort things out - and this is normal. Even in companies where people with the same interests gather, conflicts and misunderstandings inevitably arise. And in schools and universities, this is completely logical - after all, there are people in the same space who were not asked in advance whether they want to be part of this particular team.

“Our task is not to eradicate bullying as a phenomenon, but to teach children to cope with conflicts in a team, to sort things out constructively. Indeed, in a healthy version, refusal was not considered a tragedy and an insult, the problem can be solved at the negotiating table, and all points of view should be listened to.

Bullying and conflict: what's the difference?

Bullying manifests itself in the same way as a conflict, but the difference is that a child has practically no chance of getting out of bullying on his own - and it is important for all adults to diagnose this dangerous situation in time in order to take action.

Sometimes the aggressor child does not deliberately poison someone, but behaves rudely towards everyone. In this case, this will not be a team problem, and you need to work only with the most aggressive child. And, of course, it takes the load off those kids that the angry teenager is attacking because he acts like this with everyone. And this is the key difference from bullying.

“A joke is when everyone is having fun. If someone in the class joked with someone, but not everyone is funny, this is an occasion to stand up for the victim.

Signs of bullying are similar to a simple conflict:

Offensive, angry, unpleasant words.
Damage to personal items.
Ignoring, boycott, exclusion from communication. It is important not to confuse with the situation when the child simply did not find friends in the class.
Humiliation, threats.
Any (even minor) physical impact.

"The unpopularity of a child in the classroom is not bullying"

So what is the difference between conflict and bullying? In bullying, forces are not equal. These are not two children quarreling, but a group of children that attacks one. Bullying happens regularly and systematically. This means that every day the child experiences the same humiliation. It’s impossible to close your eyes to this, it’s impossible to say to your classmates: “Stop it.” Although a lot, of course, depends on the teacher - he must protect the child, pay attention to the fact that other guys have rallied against him.

Another important point is that bullying is always directed at someone specific, that is, not everyone behaves the same with everyone simply because it is such a model of communication in the classroom. Only one is humiliated.

“Look at the situation through the eyes of a child: if it hurts, it’s time to stop! It is pointless to ask him not to pay attention to something that deeply worries him.

Who is involved in bullying?

Aggressor and victim are not the only pair of actors. Most often, the aggressor has some kind of company, a support group - a kind of retinue. And those who have this whole situation unfolding before their eyes are passive observers. Yes, and they are also participants in bullying.

Bullying usually occurs with the tacit consent of people (including children). When there is no reaction from other people, for the aggressor and his retinue this automatically means that such behavior is acceptable: "Everyone is silent, which means everyone supports." That is why the role of observers is one of the key ones. After all, as soon as the observers get out of their passive position and declare that such behavior is unacceptable, then the strength of the aggressors decreases and the balance of power is gradually restored. And here the role of the teacher is very important, who is able to intervene and completely destroy even the beginnings of bullying. And it is important for parents to teach children to express their opinion and not stand aside if conflicts arise in the class.

“Obviously, the victim herself suffers the most, but each of the participants in bullying forms a negative experience that does not pass without a trace on the psyche of children.”

For aggressors, a strong position is most often associated with the fear of being overthrown: “Now I am strong, I can offend my classmate, but suddenly someone even stronger will come and offend me?” In addition, those who have taken a leading role and shown themselves in front of their retinue, it is hard to back down, fearing condemnation. And the retinue can simply be afraid of their leader - the aggressor - and continue to poison the victim, fearing to be in her place.

Consequences of bullying

“For the victim, bullying is a terrible sense of impasse: ‘Something is wrong with me!’”

Firstly, it is difficult for a child who has been bullied to adapt to a new team. At the institute, circles, at work - the fear of failure will haunt a person everywhere. It is difficult for people who have suffered from bullying to defend their opinion, they do not trust others, they move away from those who are trying to make friends. Sometimes victims of bullying experience serious difficulties in communication, in establishing friendships and even in romantic relationships.

“Children traumatized by bullying often have suicidal thoughts – they see this as the best solution to all their problems. And these are the most terrible consequences.”

Bullying is a group problem

"Fixing" the victim and waiting for the behavior of the aggressors to change is a dead end. Nothing will change in the class. Most often, someone else will immediately turn up under a hot hand.

Very often bullying is used by those who cannot manage relationships in any other way. Even some teachers use bullying to establish discipline in the classroom. Often this is done unconsciously.

"Bullying is not a matter of the aggressor or the victim, it is a matter of the whole group as a whole - children, parents and schools."

How to protect yourself?

“Responding to the aggressor is not so easy. This is the special skill that needs to be developed.”

Very often people ask for help and ask to "fix" a child - it doesn't matter if it's the aggressor or the victim. Adults want children to learn to behave differently. But it is impossible to solve the problem in this way.

“The aggressors are always to blame for violence, but, nevertheless, they are always hooked by a certain behavior of the victim. Therefore, it is important to work with each child and teach him personal boundaries - he must feel both his own and other people's boundaries.

At the initial stages, when some skirmishes have not yet developed into bullying, the child can be taught certain behaviors.

Words

Often children cannot respond to other people's attacks, because they themselves are afraid to offend another person. Teach kids to speak!

Stop it.
"This has nothing to do with me."
"I don't like it, please don't do that."

Or vice versa:

“Yes, I am, so what?!”

“Sometimes it is important to teach a child NOT to take any word someone says with hostility. The aggressor needs a reaction, and if the child does not react the way the “strong” side would like, then the bullying can stop.”

Distance

Distance is one of the ways to protect personal boundaries. If a person does not hear the words, then one has to physically move away from him - and this is normal even for the world of adults. You need to understand that this is not a manifestation of weakness, but, on the contrary, strength, which lies in the fact that a person no longer intends to tolerate such an attitude towards himself.

Advise the children:

Avoid known aggressive and unfriendly people.
Don't be led on provocations.

Actions

But how to act if the conflict has moved to the physical level? Fighting back, as parents usually teach us, is not a constructive way. Fighting should only be in self-defense. But this is not the first step, but rather the opposite - the last thing that can be done. Words, Distance, Actions - at each of these stages, it is important to turn to the help of adults. This will help the child not be left alone with an unsolvable problem and not aggravate the situation.

"Teach children not to talk , but to ask for advice ."

The school must be involved!

A school is a space where conflict or bullying can unfold. This means that the task of the school is to demonstrate how to behave correctly, notice the violation and stop it in time.

“Remember the theory of broken windows - if the glass in one window is broken in an abandoned building, after a while all the windows will be broken. If you close your eyes to one bullying situation, then more and more will arise.”

React immediately, record evidence. The child will immediately understand that they paid attention to this. He will see that in front of a teacher, at least, this is not the way to behave.
Call a spade a spade. Bullying is not a joke!
Demand preventive action. Bullying interferes with the process of education, which means that the task of teachers is to competently respond, interrupt, stop bullying.
Get ready for cooperation. This applies to both parents and the school.

Advice to parents: Start with your class teacher. This is the first person who knows everything about the children in his class. But don't try to be aggressive. Think about cooperation and the purpose of litigation. In our case, the goal is not to punish the guilty, but to understand the situation and help your child.