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How do strict parents affect child


Overly Strict Parenting Causing Long-Term Psychological Consequences: Experts

According to a 2015 study by researchers at the Royal University of Phnom Penh, more than 60 percent of students and faculty members lived with depression or anxiety.

PHNOM PENH — 

When Kanchana* wakes every morning, she says her first interaction is to receive a tirade of harsh words and pressure from her parents, who demand nothing less than the highest academic performance.

With a sorrowful look on her face, Kanchana, 22, the eldest child of four in her family, says the stress placed on her by her parents has led to depression and limited the freedom to make her own choices in life.

“There’s no emotional attachment between me and my parents at all,” said Kanchana, a college senior studying accounting.

But Kanchana’s situation is not unique in Cambodia. The Transcultural Psychosocial Organization (TPO) estimates that about 40 percent of Cambodians may suffer mental ill-health, with high rates of youth depression surrounding family life.

Kanchana believes the pressure her parents place on her to succeed has led to anxiety, low self-esteem and insomnia.

Dalika Chheoun, a freshman at the Institute of Foreign Languages, said parental pressure was so intense that it led her to enter a deep depression, which consequently meant she underperformed in her studies, failing the 2015 high school exit exam.

“I still have difficulty chilling out as I have low self-esteem and am judgmental on myself according to the standard that my parents set,” she said. “They compare me with neighbors’ or relatives’ children. Their language is really harmful, but they don’t acknowledge how powerful it can be.”

Youth depression is often caused by youngsters’ home environment and differing expectations placed on them by their immediate family, according to Chhim Sotheara, executive director of the TPO.

“The common problem that I found is from the family environment they grow up in. Those with strict parents and when parenting features threats and violent behavior,” he said.

Such pressures can lead to sleep deprivation, eating disorders, anxiety, low self-esteem and poor academic performance, he added.

“They tend to change their way of thinking. They stop doing anything. They might eat a lot and sleep more and their performance at school drops as well,” he said. “Some kids finally have the courage to talk to their parents, but then the parents mock them by seeing it as a weakness and it worsens the situation.”

Sotheara has observed the growth of a relatively new coping mechanism youngsters are using to deal with trouble at home: increasingly teens are finding support on social media among their peers. “They feel unwanted by their family so they are craving attention from others.”

According to a 2015 study by researchers at the Royal University of Phnom Penh, more than 60 percent of students and faculty members lived with depression or anxiety, with some reporting strict parenting as the cause.

Kao Sovandara, one of the researchers, said in many cases the parents were treating their children badly due to past trauma they themselves had suffered. “Some parents have been through war and they were taught to apply coercive ways to get people under control,” he said.

“Sometimes, parents even transfer their former aspirations onto their children without acknowledging if it was in the kids interest. So some children tend to follow someone else’s dream instead their own dream.”

But he added that parents still played an important role in child development, which could be the most positive influence in a child’s life.

Tang Chhun Bouy, 44, a mother of two, said she uses “sweet language” so that her children would see her as someone they could confide in and trust. “By doing this, when they feel like they need to consult with you about something, it is easier to talk and to understand each other.”

Kanchana hopes her parents will accept who she is and the progress she has made. “I would be delighted,” she says.

Some names have been changed to protect privacy.

    Strict Parents - 10 Signs & What's Wrong With Them

    Which type of parents produces better kids? Strict parents or lenient parents? Many parents grapple with what type of parenting and discipline to use. It often boils down to strict or lenient.

    Let’s find out what strict parenting is and how it can affect a child’s development.

    Why Are Parents Strict

    Parents are strict for various reasons, some good and some self-serving. Some strict parents have high expectations. They teach their children self-discipline by holding them accountable. These parents have their kids’ best interests at heart.

    But some strict parents are controlling because they fear being seen as incompetent parents if their children make mistakes. Such parents are more concerned about their own feelings and insecurity than their children’s well-being.

    Most strict parents justify their choice of parenting style using the either-or parenting rationale. They don’t want to raise defiant kids, and lenient parenting is often believed to cause defiance in children. So they turn to strict parenting. They believe that one can only be either permissive parents or strict parents. There’s nothing in-between.

    Their sentiments usually include a combination of the following.

    • “I don’t let my kids walk all over me.”
    • “I want well-behaved children.”
    • “I don’t want to raise a brat.”
    • “My child needs me to be a parent, not a friend.”
    • “I don’t want my kids to end up in jail.”
    • Etc.

    What Are Strict Parents (Meaning & Definition)

    In psychology, strict parents are defined as parents who place high standards and demands on their children. They can be authoritative or authoritarian, depending on the parents’ disciplinary beliefs and responsiveness to their child’s needs​1​.

    When parents couple high standards with warm and responsive support to their children, they are authoritative parents.

    Despite setting high standards, authoritative parents value independent thinking. They allow children to challenge their rules or provide feedback. Authoritative parenting generally produces the best outcomes in kids.

    Unfortunately, most strict parents are not authoritative; they are harsh parents.

    Most strict parents are cold, unresponsive, and unsupportive to their children. Their rules are often overly strict and arbitrary.

    These parents don’t allow their children to voice their opinions or question the parents’ decisions. They are controlling parents practicing the authoritarian parenting style, also known as the harsh parenting style, which generates worse outcomes than the authoritative style.

    Are Strict Parents Good or Bad

    While strict and responsive parenting style (authoritative) produces the best outcomes in children, strict and unresponsive parenting style (authoritarian) produces adverse outcomes including behavior problems, low self-esteem, self-control issues, and mental health problems.

    When people speak about strict parenting, they generally refer to the harsh authoritarian type.

    In the rest of this article, we will focus on the authoritarian type and its detrimental impact on children.

    What Are The Signs of Strict Parents

    Strict parents are the ones who

    • have many strict rules and are demanding
    • demand their child to adhere blindly to their expectations
    • do not allow their child to question parental authority
    • punish severely for violation of any rules
    • cold, unresponsive to their kids
    • use shaming and harsh words
    • do not let their child participate in decision making
    • have unrealistically high expectations
    • do not tolerate mistakes
    • “they are always right” attitude

    Effects of Strict Parenting

    So what happens when parents are too strict?

    These parents view academic success as a priority and judge the effectiveness of their parenting by their children’s performance in school. This type of harsh parenting can result in high academic performance in some cultures, such as in many Asian countries.

    However, despite the apparent academic success in some cultures, harsh parenting style also causes a lot of damage to children​2​.

    Kids raised with strict parenting are more likely to be unhappy and suffer from depression

    Studies show that kids raised in a strict household tend to be unhappy​3​ and show more depressive symptoms​4–6​.

    In some countries, such as Hong Kong​7​ and Australia​8​, kids raised in strict households are more prone to suicidal attempts or ideation.

    Kids raised with strict discipline tend to have antisocial behavioral problems such as rebellion, anger, aggression, and delinquency

    Although some parents think that strict parenting produces better-behaved kids, studies show that such a parenting style actually produces kids that have more behavioral problems.

    Kids learn what they live and what their parents model. When harsh parents discipline their kids with punitive emotions, force, threats, and verbal and harsh punishments, they model how to react punitively when upset.

    As a result, the children have learned to become more rebellious, angry​9​, impulsive and aggressive when things don’t go their way​10​ (and therefore get punished even more!) These kids are also more likely to engage in risky behavior such as running away​11​.

    Strict family turns their kids into sneaky actors and liars

    Strict parents expect unquestionable obedience, conformity, and respect for authority, which are usually obtained with harsh discipline. As a result, super strict parents create a sneaky child. These children have learned to become good actors. They behave well at home but act differently when their parents are not around.

    Because the parents do not provide a safe environment for the kids to tell the truth, kids raised with strict rules are good at lying and hiding things so they don’t get in trouble.

    Strict parenting curtails motivation in their kids

    Strict moms and dads choose extracurricular activities, class schedules, and social events for their children with no input from them at all.

    However, autonomy is an innate human desire​12,13​. Strict parents stripping children of their autonomy causes these kids to be more rebellious and unmotivated as teenagers and young adults​14​.

    Imposing external incentives, such as threats of punishment, creates extrinsic motivation while decreasing intrinsic motivation. Kids raised with draconian rules are more rebellious and show low initiative​15​.

    Authoritarian parents raise bullies

    Authoritarian parenting elicits compliance using fears. When kids do what others want out of fear, that makes up for bullying. These children learn to use force and power over others to get what they want.

    Studies have shown that children of authoritarian parents are more likely to become bullies or friends of bullies​16​.

    Children raised with strict rules lack self-esteem and confidence to make decisions

    Research shows that female adolescents with authoritarian parents are less capable of deciding when given the opportunity​17​.

    Having strict parents mean these children are used to being told what to do. They lack self-esteem and self-confidence​18​ to decide and worry about making the wrong choice.

    Kids raised with punitive discipline suffer from inflexible thinking, resulting in worse mental wellbeing

    Psychological flexibility is crucial to daily well-being and lasting psychological health. To become competent and healthy adults, children need to develop skills that allow flexible thinking within complex social environments​19,20​.

    Parents with rigid rules impose high levels of intrusive psychological and behavioral control on their kids. These kids have less psychological flexibility and more maladaptive self-regulation in later adolescence.

    Lack of psychological flexibility and emotional regulation skills are both highly associated with the development of mental disorders​21​.

    Besides depression, this type of harsh parenting is highly associated with mental disorders, including General Anxiety Disorder (GED)​22​, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)​22​, dissociation, self-harm​23​, drug use, and alcohol abuse​24​.

    Kids raised by controlling parents have twisted beliefs of authority

    Controlling parents who act like dictators instill a twisted belief of authority in kids. They use unilateral communication and establish rules without explanation, and expect their children to obey without complaint or question.

    On the one hand, some children learn that power is always right. They need to obey and don’t question authority when they should. These kids internalize a need to “follow the rules at all costs.” This belief can set them up for dangerous situations where they can be taken advantage of by authority figures abusing their power.

    Some children have developed distrust, hostility, and resistance to authorities such as schools or police. They view parental legitimacy negatively, and this view can cause delinquency​25​.

    Kids raised with authoritarian parenting tend to have more peer rejection and future relationship problems, especially in romantic relationships

    Children in very strict households are less emotionally regulated and have worse social skills​26​.  They also break more engagement and have unsatisfactory affairs in adulthood.

    Final Thoughts On Strict Parents

    Perhaps the most damaging effect of strict parenting is the strain it puts on the parent-child relationship, as no one likes to be controlled.

    If you’re a strict parent, it’s worth it to think of what your child-raising goal is. The bottom line is – what is your vision of your relationship 20 years from now? Do you want your child to visit you, talk to you, or answer your phone calls when they grow up? Do you want them to still be in your life?

    For those with overly strict parents, check out:

    How To Deal With Strict Parents as a Teenager

    How to Recover from Authoritarian Parenting

    If you have very controlling parents in childhood, you probably have a lot of healing to do. Losing teenage years to strict parents can create scars that are hard to heal. Seeking professional help to support you through this healing journey is a good idea. Psychologists can help you figure out how to deal with strict parents. You don’t have to do it alone.

    References

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      Baumrind D. Authoritative parenting revisited: History and current status. In: Authoritative Parenting: Synthesizing Nurturance and Discipline for Optimal Child Development. American Psychological Association; :11-34. doi:10.1037/13948-002

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      Kordi A, Baharudin R. Parenting attitude and style and its effect on children’s school achievements. International journal of psychological studies. 2010;2.2(217).

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      Furnham A, Cheng H. Journal of Happiness Studies. Published online 2000:227-246. doi:10.1023/a:1010027611587

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      Watson G. Some Personality Differences in Children Related to Strict or Permissive Parental Discipline. The Journal of Psychology. Published online July 1957:227-249. doi:10.1080/00223980.1957.9916233

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      Donath C, Graessel E, Baier D, Bleich S, Hillemacher T. Is parenting style a predictor of suicide attempts in a representative sample of adolescents? BMC Pediatr. Published online April 26, 2014. doi:10.1186/1471-2431-14-113

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      Dwairy M, Achoui M. Introduction to Three Cross-Regional Research Studies on Parenting Styles, Individuation, and Mental Health in Arab Societies. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology. Published online May 2006:221-229. doi:10.1177/0022022106286921

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      Lai KW, McBride-Chang C. Suicidal ideation, parenting style, and family climate among Hong Kong adolescents. International Journal of Psychology. Published online April 2001:81-87. doi:10.1080/00207590042000065

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      Martin G, Waite S. Parental bonding and vulnerability to adolescent suicide. Acta Psychiatr Scand. Published online April 1994:246-254. doi:10.1111/j. 1600-0447.1994.tb01509.x

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      Zhou Q, Eisenberg N, Wang Y, Reiser M. Chinese Children’s Effortful Control and Dispositional Anger/Frustration: Relations to Parenting Styles and Children’s Social Functioning. Developmental Psychology. Published online May 2004:352-366. doi:10.1037/0012-1649.40.3.352

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      Chang L, Schwartz D, Dodge KA, McBride-Chang C. Harsh Parenting in Relation to Child Emotion Regulation and Aggression. Journal of Family Psychology. Published online 2003:598-606. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.17.4.598

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      Bronte-Tinkew J, Moore KA, Carrano J. The Father-Child Relationship, Parenting Styles, and Adolescent Risk Behaviors in Intact Families. Journal of Family Issues. Published online June 2006:850-881. doi:10.1177/0192513×05285296

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      Deci EL, Schwartz AJ, Sheinman L, Ryan RM. An instrument to assess adults’ orientations toward control versus autonomy with children: Reflections on intrinsic motivation and perceived competence. Journal of Educational Psychology. Published online 1981:642-650. doi:10.1037/0022-0663.73.5.642

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      Deci EL, Ryan RM. Human Autonomy. In: Efficacy, Agency, and Self-Esteem. Springer US; 1995:31-49. doi:10.1007/978-1-4899-1280-0_3

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      Mensah MK, Kuranchie A. Influence of Parenting Styles on the Social Development of Children. AJIS. Published online November 1, 2013. doi:10.5901/ajis.2013.v2n3p123

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      Brophy JE. Motivating Students to Learn. Taylor & Francis; 2010.

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      Knafo A. Authoritarians, the Next Generation: Values and Bullying Among Adolescent Children of Authoritarian Fathers. Analyses Soc Iss & Publ Pol. Published online December 2003:199-204. doi:10.1111/j.1530-2415.2003.00026.x

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      Ferrari JR, Olivette MJ. Perceptions of parental control and the development of indecision among late adolescent females. Adolescence. 1993;28(112):963–970.

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      Bun JR, Louiselle PA, Misukanis TM, Mueller RA. Effects of Parental Authoritarianism and Authoritativeness on Self-Esteem. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. Published online June 1988:271-282. doi:10.1177/0146167288142006

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      Kashdan TB, Rottenberg J. Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical Psychology Review. Published online November 2010:865-878. doi:10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.001

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      Williams KE, Ciarrochi J, Heaven PCL. Inflexible Parents, Inflexible Kids: A 6-Year Longitudinal Study of Parenting Style and the Development of Psychological Flexibility in Adolescents. J Youth Adolescence. Published online February 7, 2012:1053-1066. doi:10.1007/s10964-012-9744-0

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      Thompson RA, Calkins SD. The double-edged sword: Emotion regulation in high risk children. Development and Psychopathology. 1996;8:163-182.

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      Timpano KR, Keough ME, Mahaffey B, Schmidt NB, Abramowitz J. Parenting and Obsessive Compulsive Symptoms: Implications of Authoritarian Parenting. J Cogn Psychother. Published online August 2010:151-164. doi:10.1891/0889-8391.24.3.151

    23. 23.

      Hahm HC, Gonyea JG, Chiao C, Koritsanszky LA. Fractured Identity: A Framework for Understanding Young Asian American Women’s Self-harm and Suicidal Behaviors. Race Soc Probl. Published online January 22, 2014:56-68. doi:10.1007/s12552-014-9115-4

    24. 24.

      Patock-Peckham JA, Morgan-Lopez AA. College drinking behaviors: Mediational links between parenting styles, parental bonds, depression, and alcohol problems. Psychology of Addictive Behaviors. Published online 2007:297-306. doi:10.1037/0893-164x.21.3.297

    25. 25.

      Trinkner R, Cohn ES, Rebellon CJ, Gundy KV. Don’t trust anyone over 30: Parental legitimacy as a mediator between parenting style and changes in delinquent behavior over time. Journal of Adolescence. Published online February 2012:119-132. doi:10.1016/j.adolescence.2011.05.003

    26. 26.

      Carapito E, Ribeiro MT, Pereira AI, Roberto MS. Parenting stress and preschoolers’ socio-emotional adjustment: the mediating role of parenting styles in parent–child dyads. Journal of Family Studies. Published online March 2, 2018:594-610. doi:10.1080/13229400.2018.1442737

    About Pamela Li

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    Strict parenting. What leads to excessive severity

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    Strict upbringing of children. What does excessive strictness lead to

    Strict upbringing of children. What does excessive severity lead to

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    Most people in our country consider strictness and punishment to be the best way to raise children. But is it?

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    Most people in our country consider strictness and punishment to be the best way to raise children. But is it? Let's try to understand and find out the opinion of psychologists and educators.

    A strict or authoritarian parenting style is based on fear, which not only provokes children into bad behavior, but also develops low self-esteem and complexes in the child. Such children simply do not have motivation for good behavior, because their actions are completely subordinated to parental control. Authoritarian parenting is based on fear, and fear is the best way to break the will of a child, to subjugate oneself, but this is the worst way to educate a person. Over time, children get used to threats, punishments and cease to be afraid of their parents - they simply turn off and this leads to total disobedience. Parents who have lost trust and authority also lose control over their child, which leads to unpredictable consequences. nine0004

    Several postulates about strict upbringing
    1. Too strict upbringing provokes aggression . Parenting based on fear certainly affects the child's behavior and provokes negative behavior. If you yell at children, then you teach them to yell at others. When you use force, they also learn how to use force on others. Therefore, children who are punished often become aggressive.
    2. Unquestioning obedience prevents children from developing self-discipline and responsibility - constant restrictions and tight control do not allow the child to feel responsible for their actions. After all, self-discipline develops when a child is given a certain freedom and a reasonable framework is set. No one likes total control, and it is only natural that children protest against rigid restrictions.
    3. Children brought up in excessive strictness have no opinion of their own and easily obey others . Having learned to unconditionally obey their parents, they do not know how to form their own opinion, therefore such children do not question the authority of leaders, they are easier to manipulate. They do not want to take responsibility for their actions, make decisions and are more often guided by the principles of “doing like everyone else”. Having suppressed the will of the child, strangling his initiative, regularly depriving him of his freedom of choice, do not expect strong personal qualities from him. A child with a broken will is unlikely to ever become a leader. nine0036
    4. Children who are brought up in total strictness are prone to cruelty . Psychologists say that children brought up in conditions of constant threats and punishment often show cruelty. The accumulated anger and irritation caused by the authoritarian regime of their parents, children and adolescents take out on others and, as a rule, on those who are weaker. At a younger age, animals can become victims, and at an older age, their peers. And this is quite understandable - after all, they perceive parental severity as cruelty towards them and, adopting a similar model of behavior, transfer it to others. nine0036
    5. Teenagers who are brought up in strict conditions are more likely to show disobedience. And if parents managed to keep control over the baby for some period, then during puberty the child protests against the authoritarian regime and tries to escape from parental control, as a result of which scandals occur in the family, and children often attempt to leave home to find understanding on the side. Such children easily fall under the influence of bad company and are more likely to get into dangerous life situations. nine0036
    6. Excessively strict upbringing leads to problems in studies. Psychologists at the University of Pittsburgh have concluded that children who are subjected to verbal or physical aggression in the family learn much worse than their peers. And this is quite understandable - children who are constantly experiencing stress and tension suffer from absent-mindedness, poor memory and, as a result, cannot absorb educational material well.
    7. Children who grew up in a harsh upbringing are often obese. nine0030 Children who are constantly under stress, like adults, often "seize" it, so these children tend to be obese.
    8. Strict upbringing makes children lie more often. Children who are often scolded and punished for missteps are afraid of making a mistake and, in order to hide their mistakes, they begin to lie so that their parents do not punish them for "disobedience." Therefore, such children grow up to be skillful liars.
    9. Strict parents gradually lose authority over their children. nine0030 Parents who often punish their children, paradoxically, lose credibility with their children. After all, it is impossible to win love and trust by force. Children lose the desire to please their parent because they never see a positive reaction from them. As a result, children behave worse and become more difficult to manage. Dissatisfaction with parents and frequent punishments cause a constant feeling of resentment in the child, as a result of which both the child and the parents become unhappy. nine0036
    10. Authoritarian parenting causes depression in children . Families in which the policy of power and total subordination is implemented imply a lack of spiritual closeness and friendship between the child and parents. Therefore, such children feel lonely and helpless.
    11. Constant threats and punishment lead to mental disorders in some children. Why is this happening? The severity of parents causes constant nervous tension and, as a result, prolonged stress, which can lead to a malfunction in the child's psyche. Most often, against the background of nervous overstrain in children, obsessive-compulsive disorder occurs, accompanied by obsessive-compulsive disorders. This is expressed in the form of obsessive (ritual) actions, movements, such as frequent washing of hands (for fear of contracting an infection), twitching the head, tapping on objects, repeating certain movements. If you notice similar phenomena in your child, do not be afraid to seek help from a psychotherapist. He will prescribe sedative pills and procedures. As a rule, such disorders are successfully treated. But most importantly, if you are a strict parent and there is an authoritarian regime in the house, you should reconsider your behavior and moderate excessive severity in relation to your children. nine0036

    Education based on love

    It is clear that excessively strict education, accompanied by constant shouting, threats and punishments harms the harmonious psycho-emotional development of the child and destroys spiritual intimacy with parents. And any psychologist will tell you that. However, allowing children whatever they want is also not an option. So, where is the golden mean in the educational process, which will allow you to grow a full-fledged self-sufficient, self-confident person? How to find the line between strictness and permissiveness? nine0004

    The optimal strategy for the proper upbringing of children is a combination of moderate severity and love. That is, you are a strict parent, but you love your child and wish him well and carefully limit his permissiveness. Children need to understand and see that you are not just asking them to do their will. Children listen to their parents when their parents listen to them. You must make it clear and explain to the child that you hear him, understand and love him and want only the best for him. Moderate severity and love are the golden mean, which will help to properly raise a child and help him achieve maximum results in all areas of life. Parenting should be based on positivity, not fear, and the child should feel loved. nine0004

    Help your children grow up to be kind and calm, successful and self-confident people. To do this, you need to do education. First of all, educate yourself. And children must be loved. To love and pamper. But indulge in moderation.

    Published: 21.04.2021

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    Consequences of Strict Parenting - Child Development

    Research shows that most people consider strictness and punishment to be the best ways to raise children. In fact, a strict, authoritarian parenting style develops low self-esteem in children and provokes bad behavior. Let's try to figure out why this happens and what style of parenting is most effective. nine0004

    Strict upbringing prevents children from learning self-discipline and responsibility. Rigid limits and restrictions have only a temporary effect and do not allow the child to take responsibility for their behavior. There is nothing more valuable to a child than self-discipline. But it develops only when the child is framed with love. No one likes strong controls, so it's not surprising that children protest against restrictions. Such children do not have a desire for good behavior - they see only control from their parents. nine0004

    Authoritarian upbringing and restrictions based on fear . And this leads to bad behavior of the child. Children learn from their own life experiences and the example of their parents. Therefore, if they do what you tell them only because of strong fear - your upbringing is no different from intimidation. When you yell at children, they learn to yell at others. When you apply force, they similarly learn to apply force.

    Children who are punished are prone to anger and depression. nine0030 This is because authoritarian parenting implies that parents do not accept certain aspects of the child's psyche and do not help him when difficult emotions and feelings arise. Children are left alone with their emotional impulses and feel alone.

    Children who are brought up in strictness respect the rightness of the strong . They learn to obey, but they do not know how to form their own opinion. At an older age, they do not question the authority of leaders, although this is often very necessary, they do not take responsibility for their actions, justifying themselves by saying that they “did it like everyone else” or they were “forced”. nine0004

    Children who are brought up in a strict manner are more prone to disobedience . Studies show that children who are brought up in a strong strictness, in adolescence, show cruelty and defiance. To understand the reasons for this phenomenon, see how it works in adults. Each of us was brought up more or less strictly, and we did not like it. As a result, this leads to problems with self-regulation. We get angry or indignant when someone tries to tell us what to do. Sometimes we rebel against the limits we set for ourselves. Also, according to research results, such children have a tendency to obesity. nine0004

    Strict upbringing makes children lie more. If children were brought up on the principle of "do as you are told", they tend to get into unpleasant situations. They also grow up to be skillful liars.

    Authoritarian upbringing alienates parents from children. Parents who punish their children have to suppress their natural compassion. This makes the relationship between them more tense. It is much more difficult for parents to raise children in such cases, because children lose interest in making their parents happy, and it becomes more difficult to cope with them. Strict upbringing leads to the fact that parents become unhappy. And children who were brought up strictly feel resentment towards their parents and experience a lack of love in adulthood. nine0004

    Strict parenting does not work if children behave well . In fact, it kills all the good that parents can give to children and prevents them from learning how to manage their emotions.

    Allowing a child whatever he wants is not an option . Psychologists say that the optimal strategy is the so-called "authoritative parenting" or "compassionate restraint." We must set certain limits for the child, but do it with compassion. Children respect boundaries only when you set them with love. nine0004

    This does not mean at all that this style of upbringing is something between strictness and permissiveness. Sometimes parents really allow a child a lot (“OK, you can go to bed later tonight”), and at the same time punish him for misconduct. For example, put in a corner. This is not a very good way of parenting, because parents are forced to compromise, and children, because they are punished, still behave badly.

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