How control temper
25 Tips to Manage Your Anger and Feel Calmer
Anger is a normal feeling and can be a positive emotion when it helps you work through issues or problems, whether that’s at work or at home.
However, anger can become problematic if it leads to aggression, outbursts, or even physical altercations.
Anger control is important for helping you avoid saying or doing something you may regret. Before anger escalates, you can use specific strategies for controlling anger.
Here are 25 ways you can control your anger:
1. Count down
Count down (or up) to 10. If you’re really mad, start at 100. In the time it takes you to count, your heart rate will slow, and your anger will likely subside.
2. Take a breather
Your breathing becomes shallower and speeds up as you grow angry. Reverse that trend (and your anger) by taking slow, deep breaths from your nose and exhaling out of your mouth for several moments.
3. Go walk around
Exercise can help calm your nerves and reduce anger. Go for a walk, ride your bike, or hit a few golf balls. Anything that gets your limbs pumping is good for your mind and body.
4. Relax your muscles
Progressive muscle relaxation calls on you to tense and slowly relax various muscle groups in your body, one at a time. As you tense and release, take slow, deliberate breaths.
5. Repeat a mantra
Find a word or phrase that helps you calm down and refocus. Repeat that word again and again to yourself when you’re upset. “Relax,” “Take it easy, and “You’ll be OK” are all good examples.
6. Stretch
Neck rolls and shoulder rolls are good examples of nonstrenuous yoga-like movements that can help you control your body and harness your emotions. No fancy equipment required.
7. Mentally escape
Slip into a quiet room, close your eyes, and practice visualizing yourself in a relaxing scene. Focus on details in the imaginary scene: What color is the water? How tall are the mountains? What do the chirping birds sound like? This practice can help you find calm amidst anger.
8. Play some tunes
Let music carry you away from your feelings. Put in earbuds or slip out to your car. Crank up your favorite music and hum, bop, or sashay your anger away.
9. Stop talking
When you’re steamed, you may be tempted to let the angry words fly, but you’re more likely to do harm than good. Pretend your lips are glued shut, just like you did as a kid. This moment without speaking will give you time to collect your thoughts.
10. Take a timeout
Give yourself a break. Sit away from others. In this quiet time, you can process events and return your emotions to neutral. You may even find this time away from others is so helpful you want to schedule it into your daily routine.
11. Take action
Harness your angry energy. Sign a petition. Write a note to an official. Do something good for someone else. Pour your energy and emotions into something that’s healthy and productive.
12. Write in your journal
What you can’t say, perhaps you can write.
Jot down what you’re feeling and how you want to respond. Processing it through the written word can help you calm down and reassess the events leading up to your feelings.
13. Find the most immediate solution
You might be angry that your child has once again left their room a mess before going to visit a friend. Shut the door. You can temporarily end your anger by putting it out of your view. Look for similar resolutions in any situations.
14. Rehearse your response
Prevent an outburst by rehearsing what you’re going to say or how you’re going to approach the problem in the future. This rehearsal period gives you time to role-play several possible solutions, too.
15. Picture a stop sign
The universal symbol to stop can help you calm down when you’re angry. It’s a quick way to help you visualize the need to halt yourself, your actions, and walk away from the moment.
16. Change your routine
If your slow commute to work makes you angry before you’ve even had coffee, find a new route.
Consider options that may take longer but leave you less upset in the end.
17. Talk to a friend
Don’t stew in the events that made you angry. Help yourself process what happened by talking with a trusted, supportive friend who can possibly provide a new perspective.
18. Laugh
Nothing upends a bad mood like a good one. Diffuse your anger by looking for ways to laugh, whether that’s playing with your kids, watching stand-up, or scrolling memes.
19. Practice gratitude
Take a moment to focus on what’s right when everything feels wrong. Realizing how many good things you have in your life can help you neutralize anger and turn around the situation.
20. Set a timer
The first thing that comes to mind when you’re angry likely isn’t the thing you should say. Give yourself a set time before you respond. This time will help you be calmer and more concise.
21. Write a letter
Write a letter or email to the person that made you angry.
Then, delete it. Often, expressing your emotions in some form is all you want, even if it’s in something that will never be seen.
22. Imagine forgiving them
Finding the courage to forgive someone who has wronged you takes a lot of emotional skill. If you can’t go that far, you can at least pretend that you’re forgiving them, and you’ll feel your anger slip away.
23. Practice empathy
Try to walk in the other person’s shoes and see the situation from their perspective. When you tell the story or relive the events as they saw it, you may gain a new understanding and become less angry.
24. Express your anger
It’s OK to say how you feel, as long as you handle it in the right way. Ask a trusted friend to help you be accountable to a calm response. Outbursts solve no problems, but mature dialogue can help reduce your stress and ease your anger. It may also prevent future problems.
25. Find a creative channel
Turn your anger into a tangible production.
Consider painting, gardening, or writing poetry when you’re upset. Emotions are powerful muses for creative individuals. Use yours to reduce anger.
The bottom line
Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences from time to time. However, if you find your anger turns to aggression or outbursts, you need to find healthy ways to deal with anger.
If these tips don’t help, consider talking with your doctor. A mental health specialist or therapist can help you work through underlying factors that may contribute to anger and other emotional issues.
Anger Management - HelpGuide.org
communication
Is your temper hijacking your life? These tips and techniques can help you get anger under control and express your feelings in healthier ways.
Understanding anger
Anger is a normal, healthy emotion, neither good nor bad. Like any emotion, it conveys a message, telling you that a situation is upsetting, unjust, or threatening. If your knee-jerk reaction to anger is to explode, however, that message never has a chance to be conveyed.
So, while it’s perfectly normal to feel angry when you’ve been mistreated or wronged, anger becomes a problem when you express it in a way that harms yourself or others.
You might think that venting your anger is healthy, that the people around you are too sensitive, that your anger is justified, or that you need to show your fury to get respect. But the truth is that anger is much more likely to have a negative impact on the way people see you, impair your judgment, and get in the way of success.
Effects of anger
Chronic anger that flares up all the time or spirals out of control can have serious consequences for your:
- Physical health. Constantly operating at high levels of stress and anger makes you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, a weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
- Mental health. Chronic anger consumes huge amounts of mental energy, and clouds your thinking, making it harder to concentrate or enjoy life.
It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems. - Career. Constructive criticism, creative differences, and heated debate can be healthy. But lashing out only alienates your colleagues, supervisors, or clients and erodes their respect.
- Relationships. Anger can cause lasting scars in the people you love most and get in the way of friendships and work relationships. Explosive anger makes it hard for others to trust you, speak honestly, or feel comfortable—and is especially damaging to children.
If you have a hot temper, you may feel like it’s out of your hands and there’s little you can do to tame the beast. But you have more control over your anger than you think. With insight about the real reasons for your anger and these anger management tools, you can learn to express your emotions without hurting others and keep your temper from hijacking your life.
| Myths and facts about anger |
Myth: I shouldn't “hold in” my anger. It's healthy to vent and let it out.Fact: While it's true that suppressing and ignoring anger is unhealthy, venting is no better. Anger is not something you have to “let out” in an aggressive way in order to avoid blowing up. In fact, outbursts and tirades only fuel the fire and reinforce your anger problem. |
| Myth: Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get what I want. Fact: Respect doesn't come from bullying others. People may be afraid of you, but they won't respect you if you can't control yourself or handle opposing viewpoints. Others will be more willing to listen to you and accommodate your needs if you communicate in a respectful way. |
| Myth: I can't help myself. Anger isn't something you can control. Fact: You can't always control the situation you're in or how it makes you feel, but you can control how you express your anger. |
And you can communicate your feelings without being verbally or physically abusive. Even if someone is pushing your buttons, you always have a choice about how to respond.How anger management can help you
Many people think that anger management is about learning to suppress your anger. But never getting angry is not a healthy goal. Anger will come out regardless of how hard you try to tamp it down. The true goal of anger management isn’t to suppress feelings of anger, but rather to understand the message behind the emotion and express it in a healthy way without losing control. When you do, you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also be more likely to get your needs met, be better able to manage conflict in your life, and strengthen your relationships.
Mastering the art of anger management takes work, but the more you practice, the easier it will get. And the payoff is huge. Learning to control your anger and express it appropriately will help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life.
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Tip 1: Explore what's really behind your anger
Have you ever gotten into an argument over something silly? Big fights often happen over something small, like a dish left out or being ten minutes late. But there’s usually a bigger issue behind it. If you find your irritation and anger rapidly rising, ask yourself, “What am I really angry about?” Identifying the real source of frustration will help you communicate your anger better, take constructive action, and work towards a resolution.
Is your anger masking other feelings such as embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame, or vulnerability? If your knee-jerk response in many situations is anger, it’s likely that your temper is covering up your true feelings.
Anger can also mask anxiety. When you perceive a threat, either real or imagined, your body activates the “fight or flight” response. In the case of the “fight” response, it can often manifest itself as anger or aggression. To change your response, you need to find out what’s causing you to feel anxious or scared.
Anger problems can stem from what you learned as a child. If you watched others in your family scream, hit each other, or throw things, you might think this is how anger is supposed to be expressed.
Anger can be a symptom of another underlying health problem, such as depression (especially in men), trauma, or chronic stress.
Clues that there's more to your anger than meets the eye
You have a hard time compromising.
Is it hard for you to understand other people’s points of view, and even harder to concede a point? If you grew up in a family where anger was out of control, you may remember how the angry person got their way by being the loudest and most demanding. Compromising might bring up scary feelings of failure and vulnerability.
You view different opinions as a personal challenge. Do you believe that your way is always right and get angry when others disagree? If you have a strong need to be in control or a fragile ego, you may interpret other perspectives as a challenge to your authority, rather than simply a different way of looking at things.
You have trouble expressing emotions other than anger. Do you pride yourself on being tough and in control? Do you feel that emotions like fear, guilt, or shame don’t apply to you? Everyone has those emotions so you may be using anger as a cover for them. If you are uncomfortable with different emotions, disconnected, or stuck on an angry one-note response to situations, it’s important to get back in touch with your feelings.
HelpGuide’s free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit can help.
While you might feel that you just explode into anger without warning, there are in fact physical warning signs in your body. Becoming aware of your own personal signs that your temper is starting to boil allows you to take steps to manage your anger before it gets out of control.
Pay attention to the way anger feels in your body
- Knots in your stomach
- Clenching your hands or jaw
- Feeling clammy or flushed
- Breathing faster
- Headaches
- Pacing or needing to walk around
- “Seeing red”
- Having trouble concentrating
- Pounding heart
- Tensing your shoulders
Tip 3: Identify your triggers
Stressful events don’t excuse anger, but understanding how these events affect you can help you take control of your environment and avoid unnecessary aggravation. Look at your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings.
Maybe you get into a fight every time you go out for drinks with a certain group of friends. Or maybe the traffic on your daily commute drives you crazy. When you identify your triggers, think about ways to either avoid them or view the situations differently so they don’t make your blood boil.
Negative thought patterns that can trigger anger
You may think that external factors—the insensitive actions of other people, for example, or frustrating situations—are causing your anger. But anger problems have less to do with what happens to you than how you interpret and think about what happened.
Common negative thinking patterns that trigger and fuel anger include:
- Overgeneralizing. For example, “You ALWAYS interrupt me. You NEVER consider my needs. EVERYONE disrespects me. I NEVER get the credit I deserve.”
- Obsessing over “shoulds” and “musts.” Having a rigid view of the way a situation should or must go and getting angry when reality doesn’t line up with this vision.
- Mind reading and jumping to conclusions. Assuming you “know” what someone else is thinking or feeling—that they intentionally upset you, ignored your wishes, or disrespected you.
- Collecting straws. Looking for things to get upset about, usually while overlooking or blowing past anything positive. Letting these small irritations build and build until you reach the “final straw” and explode, often over something relatively minor.
- Blaming. When anything bad happens or something goes wrong, it’s always someone else’s fault. You tell yourself, “life’s not fair,” or blame others for your problems rather than taking responsibility for your own life.
When you identify the thought patterns that fuel your anger, you can learn to reframe how you think about things. Ask yourself: What’s the evidence that the thought is true? That it’s not true? Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at a situation? What would I say to a friend who was thinking these things?
Tip 4: Learn ways to cool down quickly
Once you know how to recognize the warning signs that your temper is rising and anticipate your triggers, you can act quickly to deal with your anger before it spins out of control.
There are many techniques that can help you cool down and keep your anger in check.
Focus on the physical sensations of anger. While it may seem counterintuitive, tuning into the way your body feels when you’re angry often lessens the emotional intensity of your anger.
Take some deep breaths. Deep, slow breathing helps counteract rising tension. The key is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible into your lungs.
Get moving. A brisk walk around the block is a great idea. Physical activity releases pent-up energy so you can approach the situation with a cooler head.
Use your senses. You can use sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste to quickly relieve stress and cool down. You might try listening to a favorite piece of music, looking at a treasured photo, savoring a cup of tea, or stroking a pet.
Stretch or massage areas of tension. Roll your shoulders if you are tensing them, for example, or gently massage your neck and scalp.
Slowly count to ten. Focus on the counting to let your rational mind catch up with your feelings. If you still feel out of control by the time you reach ten, start counting again.
Give yourself a reality check
When you start getting upset about something, take a moment to think about the situation. Ask yourself:
- How important is it in the grand scheme of things?
- Is it really worth getting angry about it?
- Is it worth ruining the rest of my day?
- Is my response appropriate to the situation?
- Is there anything I can do about it?
- Is taking action worth my time?
Tip 5: Find healthier ways to express your anger
If you’ve decided that the situation is worth getting angry about and there’s something you can do to make it better, the key is to express your feelings in a healthy way. Learning how to resolve conflict in a positive way will help you strengthen your relationships rather than damaging them.
Always fight fair. It’s okay to be upset at someone, but if you don’t fight fair, the relationship will quickly break down. Fighting fair allows you to express your own needs while still respecting others.
Make the relationship your priority. Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than “winning” the argument, should always be your first priority. Respect the other person and their viewpoint.
Focus on the present. Once you are in the heat of arguing, it’s easy to start throwing past grievances into the mix. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.
Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and draining our lives.
Take five if things get too heated.
If your anger starts to spiral out of control, remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes or for as long as it takes you to cool down.
Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
Tip 6: Stay calm by taking care of yourself
Taking care of your overall mental and physical well-being can help ease tension and diffuse anger problems.
Manage stress. If your stress levels are through the roof, you’re more likely to struggle controlling your temper. Try practicing relaxation techniques such as mindfulness meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, or deep breathing. You’ll feel calmer and more in control of your emotions.
Talk to someone you trust. Nothing eases stress more effectively than chatting face-to-face with a friend or loved one. The person doesn’t have to provide answers, they just need to be a good listener.
But talking about your feelings and seeking a different perspective on a situation is not the same as venting. Simply venting your anger at someone will only fuel your temper and reinforce your anger problem.
Get enough sleep. A lack of sleep can exacerbate negative thoughts and leave you feeling agitated and short-tempered. Try to get seven to nine hours of good quality sleep.
Exercise regularly. It’s an effective way to burn-off tension and ease stress, and it can leave you feeling more relaxed and positive throughout the day. Aim for at least 30 minutes on most days, broken up into shorter periods if that’s easier.
Be smart about alcohol and drugs. They lower your inhibitions and can make it even harder to control your anger. Even consuming too much caffeine can make you more irritable and prone to anger.
Tip 7: Use humor to relieve tension
When things get tense, humor and playfulness can help you lighten the mood, smooth over differences, reframe problems, and keep things in perspective.
When you feel yourself getting angry in a situation, try using a little lighthearted humor. It can allow you to get your point across without getting the other person’s defenses up or hurting their feelings.
However, it’s important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. Avoid sarcasm, mean-spirited humor. If in doubt, start by using self-deprecating humor. We all love people who are able to gently poke fun at their own failings. After all, we’re all flawed and we all make mistakes.
So, if you’ve made a mistake at work or you’ve just spilled coffee over yourself, instead of getting angry or picking a fight, try making a joke about it. Even if the joke falls flat or comes out wrong, the only person you risk offending is yourself.
When humor and play are used to reduce tension and anger, a potential conflict can even become an opportunity for greater connection and intimacy.
Tip 8: Recognize if you need professional help
If, despite putting these previous anger management techniques into practice, your anger is still spiraling out of control, or if you’re getting into trouble with the law or hurting others, you need more help.
Anger management classes allow you to meet others coping with the same struggles and learn tips and techniques for managing your anger.
Therapy, either group or individual, can be a great way to explore the reasons behind your anger and identify triggers. Therapy can also provide a safe place to practice new skills for expressing anger.
Anger isn’t the real problem in an abusive relationship
Despite what many believe, domestic violence and abuse does not happen due to the abuser’s loss of control over their temper. Rather, it’s a deliberate choice to control another person. If you are abusive towards your spouse or partner, know that you need specialized treatment, not regular anger management classes.
Authors: Melinda Smith, M.A. and Jeanne Segal, Ph.D.
- References
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(2013). In Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. American Psychiatric Association. https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787.x07_Trauma_and_Stressor_Related_DisordersWilliams, Riccardo. “Anger as a Basic Emotion and Its Role in Personality Building and Pathological Growth: The Neuroscientific, Developmental and Clinical Perspectives.” Frontiers in Psychology 8 (November 7, 2017): 1950. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01950
Staicu, ML, and M Cuţov. “Anger and Health Risk Behaviors.” Journal of Medicine and Life 3, no. 4 (November 15, 2010): 372–75. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3019061/
Ba, Al Ubaidi, and Al Ubaidi Ba. “Control Excessive Anger before It Controls Your Life.” Accessed November 17, 2021. https://doi.org/10.23937/2469-5793/1510088
Zarshenas, Ladan, Mehdi Baneshi, Farkhondeh Sharif, and Ebrahim Moghimi Sarani. “Anger Management in Substance Abuse Based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: An Interventional Study.
” BMC Psychiatry 17, no. 1 (November 23, 2017): 375. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-017-1511-z
Nasir, Rohany, and Norisham Abd Ghani. “Behavioral and Emotional Effects of Anger Expression and Anger Management among Adolescents.” Procedia – Social and Behavioral Sciences, 2nd World Conference on Psychology and Sociology, PSYSOC 2013, 27-29 November 2013, Brussels, Belgium, 140 (August 22, 2014): 565–69. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sbspro.2014.04.471
Bodenmann, Guy, Nathalie Meuwly, Thomas N. Bradbury, Simone Gmelch, and Thomas Ledermann. “Stress, Anger, and Verbal Aggression in Intimate Relationships: Moderating Effects of Individual and Dyadic Coping.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 27, no. 3 (May 1, 2010): 408–24. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407510361616
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https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167299025003003Candelaria, Ashley M., Alicia L. Fedewa, and Soyeon Ahn. “The Effects of Anger Management on Children’s Social and Emotional Outcomes: A Meta-Analysis.” School Psychology International 33, no. 6 (December 1, 2012): 596–614. https://doi.org/10.1177/0143034312454360
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Controlling Anger Before it Controls You – Origins of excessive anger, tips on coping, and when to seek more help.
(American Psychological Association)
What Your Anger May Be Hiding – Reasons behind excessive anger. (Psychology Today)
Anger and Trauma – How anger should be treated when it's a symptom of PTSD. (National Center for PTSD)
When You Love an Angry Person – Tips on fighting fair, ways to approach a loved one, and when to seek more help. (Get Your Angries Out)
Last updated: December 5, 2022
Mood improved: how to control your emotions and live happier
We all sometimes experience depression, anxiety, anger and other not very pleasant feelings. This is absolutely normal. A person cannot be happy and serene every second of his life. However, any of us is able to influence the duration of our own stay on a particular floor in the “mood elevator”.
Why learn to operate this elevator? The answer is obvious. The longer we stay upstairs, the better we feel, the easier we solve problems, the easier we are to deal with problems, the clearer we think, the more productive we work, the less we succumb to the influence of stress.
When we are in a good mood, we make better decisions and build better relationships with others. nine0003
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Maybe you are lucky to meet people who are almost always on the "hopeful", "appreciative", "wise" floors? Are there those among your acquaintances who are stuck on levels marked "burnt out", "caustic", "hostile"? Which one do you think is happier and more successful?
Remember the main thing: it depends only on your choice at what level you will spend most of your life.
Imagine this situation. A colleague tells you the latest gossip: Rumor has it that the boss is unhappy with the results of the last quarter and plans to fire a lot of people from your department. And now you are already drawing a terrible picture of the future. Think about the possible consequences. What if you can't get another job? How do you break bad news to your family? Then you start to remember how much effort you put into the success of the company, and anxiety is replaced by anger.
But suddenly it dawns on you: after all, it was only a rumor! You are relieved. And suddenly catch yourself thinking: “Maybe this is a sign that the time has come for change? I've been wanting to find a better place for a long time." Now your head is filled with dreams: a new spacious office, a brilliant career, enthusiastic faces of loved ones... You begin to feel inspiration, joy and hope. nine0003
This is how the mood lift works. Where he goes - up or down - depends not on external circumstances, but on your thoughts. To understand this is to take the first step towards gaining control over your emotions.
First of all, you need to learn to recognize the moment when the mood elevator is going down. Listen to your feelings from time to time. Do you feel how anger boils, anxiety and irritation grow? Or maybe you are slowly but surely slipping into apathy? So it's time to take corrective action. nine0003
If you are overwhelmed by unwanted emotions, take a deep breath, step back a little and think about what will help you bring back the inspiration and joy that is on the upper floors.
It happens that unhealthy thought patterns and bad moods become a habit. We don't even notice it ourselves. In this case, you should pay attention to the tips from others. If friends, family, or co-workers notice disturbing changes in your behavior, listen to what they have to say. nine0003
When something unexpected happens, creates problems, disrupts our plans, or hurts, we often give in to the first emotional impulse.
Your boss says something that doesn't fit with your beliefs and you get angry. A friend makes a critique and you get overwhelmed. You are given a difficult and unusual task - and fear creeps into your heart.
As a rule, the first reaction to everything that seems difficult, new, unpleasant to us is to condemn, respond with a caustic statement, or break out into an angry tirade. We think, “What the hell is he talking about?” Or: “Why waste time on this nonsense?” nine0003
In situations like this, curiosity can save you from falling down an elevator shaft.
Do not rush to make categorical judgments. Just say to yourself, "I wonder why he says that?" Or: "Let's see what I can learn here." Look for ways to get at least something good and useful out of what happened.
Desire to understand, curiosity, interest - these are neutral states that can be used as a brake on the mood elevator if it rushes down.
Often our thoughts go round in circles, driving us more and more into a state of depression. The longer you savor the details of an unpleasant incident or draw in your imagination terrible pictures of the future, the worse you feel. nine0003
One of the best ways to clear your head is to distract yourself with something else. Larry Senn calls this a pattern break. Here are some examples of what you can do:
- play with your pet;
- go in for sports;
- sleep;
- listen to your favorite music;
- take a walk;
- meditate;
- dream;
- focus on the highest goal, not on minor troubles; nine0040
- chat with an optimistic person.
Sometimes a simple phrase said to oneself also helps: “You are starting again!” At that moment, you remember that you have a choice. You can always "transfer" from one thought train to another. If you later want to return to your problem, you will surely see it in a new - not so gloomy - light.
Gratitude is one of the most pleasant and healing feelings. It is almost impossible to be grateful and at the same time angry, irritated, depressed, judgmental, hypocritical, impatient. nine0003
Cultivating a sense of gratitude is not that difficult. This is a button that you can press at any time to send the mood lift up.
As a rule, we think about what we lack, and such thoughts send us straight to the lower floors. Instead, try to focus on what you have: a roof over your head, health, loved ones. The very gift of life, the ability to see this world and enjoy its benefits is an incredible miracle that we usually underestimate. nine0003
If gratitude becomes your life principle, then no shocks will put you out of action.
Use the following techniques to tune into a wave of gratitude.
- In the morning, as soon as you wake up, think about all the valuable things in your life.
- In the evening, write down in your personal diary all the situations for which you are grateful for the past day.
- Once a day, think of three little things that made you happy. This, for example, can be the hugs of a loved one, a delicious dinner, good weather outside the window. nine0040
- Send thank you notes to people you appreciate for something.
- Start complimenting others more often, feel free to tell them what you appreciate about them.
Anna Zyabreva
Counseling Psychologist
“Practical advice from the book can be helpful to explore new scenarios and try to get to the top floors of the mood elevator. And yet, it is important not to ignore your states and not to miss the signals that will require quality attention and care.
Depression, whining, dissatisfaction and fatigue can have a million root causes. And some of these conditions are a reason for contacting a specialist, up to medication prescriptions. nine0003
Careful and attentive attitude to oneself, to one's inner life, the ability to distinguish one's states, to see them, to be able to name and accept them (the book teaches, in particular, this too) is the key to greater emotional stability, improving the quality of life. Ultimately, this is the path to the upper floors of the elevator, to use the terminology of the author of the book. This skill grows and strengthens in careful and competent work with oneself, if necessary, in therapy.”
How to control your mood with exercise
The companions of stress, anxiety and fear are often muscle tension, trembling. The fact is that when we are nervous, our body prepares to fight or flee.
Physical exercise can affect activity, well-being and mood. The effect of morning exercises or a walk before going to bed is familiar to many, and specially selected physical exercises help to change the emotional state, relieve tension, relax, or vice versa increase energy levels.
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Things to consider:
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Moderate physical activity has a positive effect on the emotional state, and regular exercise will make the emotional background more stable.
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Special exercises give a greater effect. Their goal is not training, but the achievement of a psychological effect: they help relieve excess muscle tension, get rid of nervous trembling, achieve a state of rest, and improve sleep quality. nine0003
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During the exercises, it is important to concentrate on the state of the body - this way you will learn to feel moments of tension and relaxation.
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It will take several repetitions to master the techniques. But having learned, you can perform the exercises in any situation.
Several exercises:
To relieve muscle tension
Short version:
Clench your palms into a fist as hard as you can. Hold them together for 3-5 seconds.
Relax your hand. Try to feel the difference in sensations during tension and relaxation. When you clench your fist, imagine how you collect your negative thoughts and feelings into it, when you relax, imagine that you are getting rid of them.
Full version:
Stand up straight, feet shoulder-width apart. Gradually tighten the main muscle groups, starting with the toes. Then tighten your feet, calves, hips, buttocks, abdominal muscles, clench your palms into fists, forearms and shoulders (it is more convenient to bend your arms at the elbows), neck and facial muscles. Feel the tension, take a deep breath and stay in this state for a few seconds. Exhale smoothly and relax your muscles by leaning forward, allow yourself to stay in this state for a few seconds. Concentrate on the sensations, try to imagine how, along with the relaxation of the muscles, emotional tension, anxiety, and anxiety leave you. nine0003
To relax, improve the quality of rest or sleep
Use this technique before bed to improve sleep quality or in situations where you need to restore strength in a short time.
Take a comfortable position - lying on your back; sitting, leaning back in the chair (make sure that there is support for the head and neck) or taking the "coachman's position" (in the sitting position, lean your wrists on your knees, lean forward, relaxing the muscles of the neck, shoulders, back). nine0003
Close your eyes, listen to the sounds that surround you, take a few breathing cycles that are familiar to you, concentrate on breathing. Imagine that the muscles of the legs become warm and heavy, try to feel this heaviness and warmth as best as possible. Move to the muscles of the thighs, buttocks, abs, feel how the chest rises and falls as you breathe. Relax your arms, shoulders, neck and facial muscles. Stay in this state for a while (from 5 to 30 minutes), continuing to feel heaviness and warmth. You can imagine that you are in a calm, pleasant, safe place. nine0003
This exercise can turn into sleep. In cases where you use this technique for a short rest, you need to finish the exercise as follows: take several breathing cycles slightly increasing their depth and speed, listen again to the surrounding sounds, open your eyes, look around, stretch, make several rotational movements with your feet and hands.
