How can a father win custody of his child

9 Tips For Fathers Seeking Full Custody of Their Children

When it comes to fathers and family courts, much has changed. In recent years, for instance, courts have increasingly encouraged — and even pushed — for mutual agreements of shared parental custody. In fact, many courts today start with a presumption of joint legal custody, and are open to and encouraging of shared residential custody. It is still quite rare, however, for a father to receive full custody of his children. It’s not impossible, however.

If both parents are willing to make it work, joint custody is often the ideal situation for children. However, if it is clear that a father should fight for full custody, the good news is that the courts may not be as locked into traditional parenting roles as many fathers might fear.

“My experience on the front lines of custody disputes is that gender is not the first factor that courts look to when determining who to place the children with,” Texas family attorney Holly Davis says. Because family courts are the highest trafficked part of the legal system, even conservative judges encounter a wide cross section of American families. They see breadwinning moms and primary caregiver dads often enough to be attentive to details about individual cases.

Still, petitioning for sole physical custody is rare. Most divorces end with shared custody because it is often the best scenario for the child. But if there is reason to fight for full custody — if safety is an issue, if a a father is by far the most involved parent, and if it is in the best-interest of the child — there are routes forward. Here is what advice experts have for fathers seeking full custody.

1. Understand What Full Custody Entails

Take a breath and reflect. Do you really want your kids full-time? It’s an honest question. You could be seeking custody for the wrong reason and it could spell disaster for you and your kids. “If you’re upset your wife is leaving you for another man, and you know the one thing she cares about in the world are the kids,” says Davis. “And you hate her guts and you want to punish her. That’s not a good enough reason.”

Full custody means being a solo parent. You’re responsible for every aspect of your kids’ lives, 24 hours a day. Fred Campos, a Texas based non-attorney custody consultant, says dads seeking custody sometimes get sticker shock when they realize what getting full custody and having custody would mean. “Sometimes after my initial consultation, dads say, ‘well, I don’t want to work that hard,’” Campos says. “So then can you acknowledge that maybe the mom’s a better parent and maybe you just need to work on getting a little bit better visitation than just every other weekend.”

You have a top notch stock portfolio, stellar credit, and own a house in the nicest neighborhood in town. Your ex comes from a hardscrabble background and can’t offer your kids anywhere near that kind of stability or financial security. You have this custody thing in the bag, right? Well, think again.

“Your credit score and your socioeconomic standing does not make you per se a sole custody parent,” Davis says. Courts seek fair division of marital assets, not to punish people socioeconomically. “I had a case one time where the mom was the breadwinner,” Davis says. “She had a 9,000 square-foot home and made $400,000 a year while Dad lived in a travel trailer on a goat farm. But he was the most involved dad. I mean, they’re making macaroni necklaces, he’s volunteering. This guy’s got nothing else to do but be this kid’s dad.”

3. Lawyer Up And Get the Paperwork Straight

Court processes for determining custody vary by state, so we can’t give blanket procedural advice. Research your local laws and hire a lawyer you can trust to understand the legal system and advocate for your best interest. Even when they have the best intentions and strongest convictions, custody-seeking fathers can misunderstand the pertinent legal language and procedures. Those mistakes can prevent them from simply starting the process.

“If there is one step that dads do wrong it’s that they don’t file for custody,” Campos says. Talk to a lawyer as early in the process as you can — ideally well before you end the marriage. You need a game plan and to start assembling a paper trail. “When you’re dealing with custody issues, it’s always helpful to have an attorney there to navigate the law,” Michigan family law attorney Erin Flynn says.

4. Step up Your Dad Game

When Campos sought sole custody of his daughter, he inadvertently did something that would later become invaluable for his case: he cleaned up his act and worked hard to learn how to be a better father. “[Having a kid] really got my life together,” he says. “I got rid of my sports car. I took every parenting class I could think of. I stopped drinking.”

He’d later realize that courts want to determine the best situation for children. Often that means they have to choose who’s the better parent.

“Generally speaking, fathers will put themselves in a good position to seek and obtain primary or joint custody of their child(ren) if they are primarily or jointly responsible for tending to the child’s medical, educational, and extracurricular needs, demonstrate an ability to communicate and co-parent well with the child’s mother, and more practically, are not prevented from exercising primary or joint physical custody because of their work schedule,” says P. Doughton Horton, an Attorney with North and South Carolina-based family law firm Sodoma Law. Besides, learning more about what children need and how to provide it doesn’t just help your custody case; it helps your kids, too.

Badmouthing your former spouse is never, ever a smart move. And in family court weakens your case, sometimes irreparably. “Demonizing your spouse is the fastest way to get a court to think that you’re going to demonize them in life and prevent a relationship between the kids and your spouse,” Davis says. “And that’s the quickest way to go back to start.” The courts want both parents in their kids’ lives. Granting dad full custody doesn’t mean freezing out mom.

“Even the most conservative courts I’ve encountered want to encourage the parties to allow access freely between the other parent,” Davis says. “They want to make sure that the parent who does have full custody is still encouraging the relationship between the children and the other spouse. ”

Davis notes there are exceptions to her admonition against disparaging your ex, such as drug addiction and serious patterns of child endangerment. But overall, it’s critical to rise above the negative feelings the divorce is inspiring in you and remember that for all her faults, your former spouse deserves some place in your kids’ lives. “You’ve got to show the court that you would set your personal emotions aside, and you understand the importance of the relationship between your children and both parents,” she says. “Show that you’re the parent that can facilitate that better than she can. That’s the secret sauce.”

Courts don’t want abstract reasons for why you’re the better parent. They’re looking for parents with rise and grind commitments to their kids. You’re seeking to be 100 percent of your kids’ parents. And that means tracking dozens of everyday administrative details.

“There’s no reason why the teacher could not include your email address,” Davis says. “Any time there’s an email that goes out to the parents, do not insist that mom needs to provide that to you. Empower yourself. Don’t wait to ask mom if it’s okay to get the flu shot. Go get the flu shots. Take them to the dentist.”

Keep in direct contact with teachers, pediatricians and soccer coaches. Choose extracurricular activities and research summer camps. Drive them to school. Know your kids’ lives.

“One of the biggest things is whether you can name five of your kid’s friends at school or your child’s teacher,” Flynn says. It can get to be a lot. But think about it. If you relied on your spouse to keep track of all these details during the marriage, why should anyone think you can handle parenting by yourself?

Dads, per Campos, often do a terrible job of promoting and documenting themselves. “If you looked at a typical husband and wife, I bet you the wife is going to take a hundred times more pictures of the kids than the father will,” he says. “The wife is probably going to keep the certificates and the swim lessons and the collateral stuff like that more than the dad will. It’s just sort of in their nature.”

Unfortunately, our gender-borne reluctance to create a record of parental involvement weakens custody cases. Your voice testimony has very little evidence,” he says. “Pictures are worth a thousand words, though, right?’”

In addition to photos, Flynn recommends presenting emails with teachers, provided that the messages don’t contain sensitive information about your child you wouldn’t want on the public record. “Even keeping a journal and writing down dates you communicated with teachers, went to parent teacher conferences or had medical appointments, can be helpful,” Flynn says.

Sometimes people freely relinquish parenting duties. But those situations are rare and usually involve extreme circumstances, like severe mental health or substance abuse issues. Most of the time, asking for sole custody involves a drawn-out fight. “Anytime you’re asking the court to take more drastic measures then would be the standard, you’re going to be dealing with some pushback from the other side,” Flynn says.

In court, you need someone to speak on your behalf and testify to your parenting prowess and commitment to your kids. Obviously your high school buddy will praise you to the moon. But since he’s unemployed and showed up to court wearing shorts and seeming a little buzzed, his testimony holds very little water. Like maybe a teaspoon at most.

Campos stresses the need for credible witnesses. “If you’re involved in the PTA, get the PTA president,” he says. “If you volunteer at your kid’s school, get the principal to vouch for you. You need somebody with credentials to testify on your behalf.”

Surprising and Proven Ways on How to Win Child Custody for Fathers

There are proven ways to help fathers win equal or primary child custody

How to Win Child Custody for Fathers

by B. Robert Farzad

The question is how to win child custody for fathers. The answer is by focusing on the child's or children's best interest and showing the court why you, the father, are equally fit or better fit for parenting.

Before we dive further into this answer, we will explore the concept of "winning."

We know what fathers mean when they talk about "winning" child custody

When a father thinks about "winning" a child custody case, he already makes a mistake of how he looks at child custody in California.

Good fathers mean getting a child custody order they believe to be in the child's best interest. Poorly intentioned fathers mean using the child as leverage for child support or getting some foolish revenge against the mother. That is exactly why the word "winning" is incorrect. A victory in a child custody case can mean completely different things to different fathers.

We tailor the "winning" child custody concept toward a child's best interest

We will refer to the concept of winning but we will tailor it so you understand what it may mean for a good father. We will focus on a father winning equal custody or primary custody.

Ultimately, however, I want you to get that word out of your head when it comes to custody and instead rephrase it with something like this: "how can I get a court order consistent with my child's [or children's] best interest?"

How to win "equal" child custody and parenting time for fathers

Child custody includes legal custody and physical custody. Physical custody is the label attached to the amount of parenting time. The amount of parenting time is what matters, not the label.

Winning joint legal custody is common

Courts usually grant joint legal custody to both parents unless the court believes one parent is not fit to share in the decision-making process concerning the child's health, safety or education. Examples of parents losing legal custody include those situations that involve documented domestic violence, child abuse, serious substance abuse, serious child neglect, etc.

Read our guide on how a mother can lose custody of her child

Winning joint physical custody for fathers requires courage and a child focused strategy

For a father to win joint physical custody and equal parenting time requires the father to show the court such a schedule is in the child's best interest.

Fathers mistakenly believe they have a higher burden than the mother does. They sometimes believe the court will award primary custody to the mother unless the father can show the court why it should do something different. That is not California law.

Both the father and the mother start in the same place unless some of the issues we discussed above apply. Absent those, neither parent really has a burden of proof to overcome anything.

Both parents should prepare to advocate their position to the court and show the court why the parenting plan they propose is in the child's best interest.

The four ways fathers can win joint physical custody and equal parenting time

Here are some facts a father can show to help him obtain equal parenting time.

1. The father has the same or similar amount of time to care for the child,

2. The father has the same or similar parenting skills as the mother,

3. The father is able to dedicate the same or similar amount of time to the child's education and extracurricular activities, and/or

4. Neither the mother nor the father have a history that would evidence one or both of them are a danger to the child.

Did you notice the common theme? The theme is there is nothing consistent with the child's best interest that gives the mother a distinct advantage over parenting and therefore parenting time.

Status quo during the relationship is not the most important factor

Some mother argue they were the primary custodial parent during the marriage and that is how it should stay. That is not what California family law states.

While stability and continuity is a factor when a court determines parenting time, is not the only factor or even the most important factor.

Our laws recognize fathers and mothers may have had a different arrangement during the relationship and neither is bound for the rest of the child's minority to that arrangement, as if it was some kind of contract.

It is normal for a parent who was the primary custodial parent to remain the primary custodial parent in the short term after separation. However, if the father is capable of caring for the child on an equal parenting schedule, there is no reason for that temporary arrangement to become a permanent one.

How to win primary custody for fathers

I use the word "primary" instead of "sole" custody because parents sometimes think sole custody means 100% parenting time to one parent and therefore 0% parenting time to the other parent. That is not what sole physical custody means in family law. Regardless, we will use the word primary because most people understand "primary custody" better.

Read our guide on how to get full custody as a father

Does the father have to show a significant change of circumstances to win primary custody?

If the father has equal parenting time now because of a court order and wants to win primary custody, he will likely need to show a significant change of circumstances since the last court order that awarded equal parenting time. That however depends on how much primary custody the father wants. Let us use percentages as an example.

If the father has 50% parenting time now and wants to increase his parenting time to 60%, that may not be significant enough to require an actual showing of a significant change of circumstances. In that situation, the father may only need to show the additional parenting time is in the child's best interest.

However, if the father wants to go to 80% parenting time, that is a significant jump and the father will need to show a significant change in circumstances from the last court order.

All of this assumes the last court order is a judgment or post judgment final child custody order. Temporary orders while the divorce or parentage case is pending require a "best interest" showing and without the need to show a significant change of circumstances.

What does significant change of circumstances mean?

Fathers often ask what a significant change in circumstances actually means. There is no specific definition for it. However, an easy way to think about it is this.

1. Something significant that occurred after the last court order,
2. That significant event justifies coming to court and telling the court the situation today is very different from the situation that existed when the last court order went into effect, and
3. The court should modify custody or parenting time as a result.

That may be an event that provides one parent a greater ability to spend time with the child, that significantly limits a parent's ability to spend time with the child, an action by a parent that significantly affects the child's health, safety, education or general welfare, etc.

Custody terms and laws are written to give the judge significant discretion

By now, you may realize words like "best interest," "significant change of circumstances," and health, safety, education and general welfare are broad. Fathers who want to win a child custody battle must have the facts that support their position and an attorney who can advocate it well.

They therefore need a great attorney to represent them.

When a court has broad discretion and the issues before the court are not black or white, your choice of advocate matters more than you may realize.

We hope you enjoyed this article. Our family law firm has offices in Orange County and Los Angeles. Follow the link to learn more about our affordable strategy sessions designed to answer your questions and give you advice about your specific situation.

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