Having a baby for dummies

Bringing Your Baby Home (for Parents)

Whether your baby comes home from the hospital right away, arrives later (perhaps after a stay in the neonatal intensive care unit), or comes through an adoption agency, the homecoming of your little one is a major event you've probably often imagined. Here's how to be prepared.

Leaving the Hospital

Moms-to-be sometimes pack clothes for the trip home before even going to the hospital — or they may wait to see what the weather brings and have their partner bring clothing for both themselves and the baby. Plan to bring loose-fitting clothing for yourself with a drawstring or elastic waist because you most likely won't fit into your pre-pregnancy outfits yet.

Babies are often overdressed for the first trip home. Dress your baby as you would dress yourself. So, if you'd be too warm in a knitted hat during the summer, your baby probably will be, too.

In warm weather, dress your baby in a T-shirt and light cotton pants or a baby blanket over bare legs. If it's cold, put footie pajamas, a hat, and warm blanket over your baby. But be sure to keep all blankets far from your baby's face to avoid suffocation.

Chances are much better that you'll bring home a calm, contented baby if you don't spend a lot of time at the hospital trying to dress your newborn in a complicated outfit that requires pushing and pulling your baby's arms and legs.

If you haven't already made the arrangements with your baby's health care provider, make sure to ask when the baby's first checkup should be scheduled before you leave the hospital. Depending on the circumstances, some premature babies also go home with a special monitor for checking breathing and heart rate, and you may be taught infant cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR).

But whether your baby is full-term or premature, don't feel rushed out the door — have your questions answered before you leave the hospital. And if you find yourself wondering about anything — from bathing to breastfeeding to burping — ask your nurse, lactation consultant, or your baby's doctor.

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The Car Trip

The most important item for the trip home is a proper child safety seat (car seat). Every state requires parents to have one before leaving the hospital because it's one of the best ways to protect your baby.

Even for a short trip, it's never safe for one of you to hold your baby in your arms while the other drives. Your baby could be pulled from your arms and thrown against the dashboard by a quick stop.

Consider buying, renting, or borrowing a car seat before your baby's born, when you have time to choose carefully. There are two kinds of car seats for babies: infant-only seats (which must be replaced when your baby weighs 22 to 35 pounds, depending on the type of seat) and convertible seats that accommodate both infants and older children.

Infant-only seats are designed for rear-facing use only and fit infants better than convertible seats. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that infants and toddlers ride in a rear-facing seat until they are 2 years old or until they have reached the maximum weight and height limits recommended by the manufacturer. (If your baby exceeds the weight recommended by the manufacturer before the second birthday, you'll need to use a convertible seat designed for bigger babies.)

Some parents of newborns find that a "travel system" (which includes a stroller and an infant-only car seat that can be attached to the stroller) makes it much smoother to transition babies — especially sleeping ones — from the car to the stroller.

Convertible seats face toward the rear until your baby is at least 2 years old or has reached the maximum weight and height limits recommended by the manufacturer. A child who reaches the height and weight limits before age 2 is safest in a bigger convertible seat and kept rear facing. Kids who are small can remain in rear-facing seats even after age 2. (Follow the manufacturer's guidelines for when to turn the seat.)

Never put a rear-facing infant or convertible seat in the front seat of your car — always use the rear seat. Passenger-side airbags in the front seat cabin are hazardous for both rear- and forward-facing car seats, and most accidents happen at the front passenger area of the car. When it's cold, strap your baby in snugly first, then put blankets over the baby.

If you borrow a car seat, make sure that it's not more than 6 years old and was never in a crash (even if it looks OK, it could be structurally unsound). Avoid seats that are missing parts or aren't labeled with the manufacture date and model number (you'll have no way to know about recalls).

Also, check the seat for the manufacturer's recommended "expiration date." If you have any doubts about the seat's history, or if it's cracked or shows signs of wear and tear, don't use it.

Ask at your prenatal classes, health care provider's office, hospital, or insurance company about rental or loan programs for car seats — they're quite common.

When buying a new seat, it's important to remember that there isn't one type of seat that's safest or best; get one that fits and can be correctly installed in your car. And higher price doesn't necessarily indicate a seat's quality — it could simply mean the seat has added features that you may or may not want or use. Also, be sure to register your new seat so you can be notified of any problems or recalls.

The most common problem involving car seats is improper installation. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, the majority of all car seats are installed incorrectly. LATCH (Lower Anchors and Tethers for Children) is a system that makes it easier to install car seats. It uses built-in hooks to connect the seat to anchoring hardware in the car. Even though LATCH is standard in the United States, many seats are still improperly installed.

Don't trust illustrations or store displays. Follow the manufacturer's instructions (and keep them handy). Ask your doctor or nurse about local resources where your car seat can be checked by someone specifically trained to evaluate car seat installations. Many hospitals, police and fire stations, and even car dealerships offer this type of service for free. Make sure that the evaluation is done by someone trained and experienced.

If you're bringing your baby home from the intensive care unit, bring the car seat to the hospital ahead of time, so the staff can see if it will work for your baby. If special health concerns rule out a standard restraint, ask your child's doctor to recommend car seats for children with special needs.

For more information on the proper use of child safety seats, read our article on auto safety.

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First-Time Feelings

Don't be surprised if you have mixed emotions as you bring your baby home, especially if this is your first child. You'll likely be nervous. In fact, you may actually feel terrified as you realize that you've given up a certain amount of control over your life.

If your baby wasn't with you much at the hospital, you may not know what sort of schedule your little bundle of joy will keep. But you'll know before long — although babies' schedules do change a lot during those early months. You'll be less stressed if you don't overschedule yourself and can go with the flow.

Depending upon your labor and delivery experience, you may feel physically drained and sore. Your hormones may be struggling to catch up, too. Meanwhile, your partner may feel a little left out if you're totally engrossed with the baby.

You might have other kids awaiting the arrival of this newest family member. Or you may be dealing with a pet who's wondering what's suddenly drawn everyone's attention. And the expectations of new grandparents, competitive siblings, or friends can also make the homecoming stressful.

Your baby's first extended crying period at home will be difficult. Remember: young babies typically cry for 1 to 5 hours within a 24-hour period, and can't always be calmed. Crying usually decreases gradually after the first several weeks. Although it may seem impossible now, in a few months it will be difficult to recall your baby's seemingly endless crying episodes.

The Home Front

Introducing your baby to others at home can be challenging. If you have other kids, be sure to spend some quality time with each of them. Some parents bring home gifts from the new baby for big brothers and sisters. At first, you can expect some jealousy, especially if the main focus of your attention for several years suddenly has new competition. Encourage siblings to "help" you care for this newest family member.

If you have a pet, ask your partner to bring home a blanket with the baby's scent on it and place it near the pet — even before leaving the hospital. Then, when you come home, the pet will already be somewhat familiar with the baby. But remember to never leave pets alone with newborns.

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Family and Friends

Ask your partner to be the gatekeeper for visitors and to limit the number of guests at first. You'll be glad later on if you take some time now to rest and become comfortable with your new situation. Although babies typically aren't shy around strangers for the first 3 months or so, they may become overstimulated and tired if too many people are around.

If you have voice mail or a telephone answering machine, consider changing your message to give the vital statistics of your new arrival. You might say something like: "Our newest family member has arrived. Her name is Julia Marie; she was born on Tuesday, and weighed 7 pounds, 10 ounces. We're all fine and adjusting to our new life. If you'd like us to call you back when it's convenient, please leave your name and number." You can also set up an automatic email response with this information.

Don't be shy about accepting visitors slowly. Ask anyone who's ill to wait until they're feeling well and no longer contagious before they visit. You shouldn't hesitate to ask visitors to wash their hands before holding your baby because a newborn baby's immune system is not fully developed.

When to Call the Doctor

Your baby's health care provider expects calls from new parents on many topics, including breastfeeding and health concerns (for more on newborn care, visit the Pregnancy & Newborns section). They'd rather have you call than worry about something needlessly.

If you wonder whether you should call the doctor's office, do it, especially if you see something unexpected or different that concerns you. Call if you see any of these signs:

• rectal temperature of 100.4°F (38°C) or higher (in babies younger than 2 months)
• symptoms of dehydration (crying without tears, sunken eyes, a depression in the soft spot on baby's head, no wet diapers in 6 to 8 hours)
• a soft spot that bulges when your baby's quiet and upright
• a baby that is difficult to rouse
• rapid or labored breathing (call 911 if your baby has breathing difficulty and begins turning bluish around the lips or mouth)
• repeated forceful vomiting or an inability to keep fluids down
• bloody vomit or stool
• more than eight diarrhea stools in 8 hours

If your concern is urgent, call your doctor and take your child to the emergency room. Remember, with young infants, minor conditions can sometimes change quickly.

Looking at Your Newborn: What's Normal (for Parents)

When their little one comes into the world, new parents might be surprised by their baby's appearance. Instead of the picture-perfect cherub, babies often look bluish, are covered with blood and cream-cheesy glop, and look like they've just been in a fist-fight.

The features that may make a normal newborn look strange are temporary. After all, babies develop while immersed in fluid, folded up in an increasingly cramped space inside the uterus. Then in most deliveries, they're pushed through a narrow, bone-walled birth canal.

When you'll get to first see and touch your newborn may depend on the type of delivery, your condition, and the condition of your baby. Following an uncomplicated vaginal delivery, you should be able to hold your baby within minutes.

What Should We Expect?

In most cases, infants seem to be in a state of quiet alertness during the first hour or so after delivery. It's a great time for you and your newborn to get acquainted and begin the bonding process. And it's OK if circumstances prevent you from meeting your infant right away — you'll have plenty of quality time together soon.

Posture

During the first several weeks, you'll notice that much of the time your baby will tend to keep his or her fists clenched, elbows bent, hips and knees flexed, and arms and legs held close to the front of his or her body. This position is similar to the fetal position during the last months of pregnancy. Infants who are born prematurely may display several differences in their posture, appearance, activity, and behavior compared with full-term newborns.

Primitive Reflexes

Infants are born with a number of instinctual responses to stimuli, such as light or touch, known as primitive reflexes, which gradually disappear as the baby matures. These reflexes include the:

• sucking reflex, which triggers an infant to forcibly suck on any object put in the mouth
• grasp reflex, which causes a newborn to tightly close the fingers when pressure is applied to the inside of the infant's hand by a finger or other object
• Moro reflex, or startle response, which causes an infant to suddenly throw the arms out to the sides and then quickly bring them back toward the middle of the body whenever the baby has been startled by a loud noise, bright light, strong smell, sudden movement, or other stimulus

Also, due to the immaturity of their developing nervous systems, newborns' arms, legs, and chins may tremble or shake, particularly when they're crying or agitated.

Sleeping and Breathing

In the first weeks, infants usually spend most of their time sleeping. Newborns whose mothers received certain types of pain medications or anesthesia during labor or delivery can be especially sleepy during the first day or two of life.

Many new parents become concerned about their newborn's breathing pattern, particularly with the increased attention to sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) in recent years. But rest assured that it's normal for newborns to breathe somewhat irregularly.

When infants are awake, their breathing rate may vary widely, sometimes exceeding 60 breaths per minute, particularly when they're excited or following a bout of crying. Also common are periods during which they stop breathing for about 5 to 10 seconds and then start up again on their own. Known as periodic breathing, it's more likely during sleep and is normal. However, if your baby turns blue or stops breathing for longer stretches of time, it's considered an emergency and you should contact your child's doctor immediately or go to the emergency room.

Although talking won't come until much later, your newborn will produce a symphony of noises — especially high-pitched squeaks — in addition to the obligatory crying. Sneezing and hiccups are common and are not signs of infection, allergies, or digestive problems.

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Head

Because an infant's head is usually the first part through the birth canal, it can be affected by the delivery process. A newborn's skull is made of several separate bones (which will eventually fuse together) to allow the large head to be squeezed through the narrow birth canal without injury to mother or baby.

The heads of infants born by vaginal delivery often show some degree of molding, which is when the skull bones shift and overlap, making the top of the head look elongated, stretched out, or even pointed at birth. This sometimes bizarre appearance will go away over the next several days as the skull bones move into a more rounded configuration. The heads of babies born by cesarean section or breech (buttocks or feet first) delivery usually don't show molding.

Because of the separation of your newborn's skull bones, you'll be able to feel (go ahead, you won't harm anything) two fontanels, or soft spots, on the top of the head. The larger one, located toward the front of the head, is diamond-shaped and usually about 1 to 3 inches wide. A smaller, triangle-shaped fontanel is found farther back on the head, where a beanie might be worn.

Don't be alarmed if you see the fontanels bulge out when your infant cries or strains, or if they seem to move up and down in time with the baby's heartbeat. This is perfectly normal. The fontanels will eventually disappear as the skull bones close together — usually in about 12 to 18 months for the front fontanel and in about 6 months for the one in back.

In addition to looking elongated, a newborn's head may have a lump or two as a result of the trauma of delivery. Caput succedaneum is a circular swelling and bruising of the scalp usually seen on top of the head toward the back, which is the part of the scalp most often leading the way through the birth canal. This will fade over a few days.

A cephalohematoma is a collection of blood that has seeped under the outer covering membrane of one of the skull bones. This is usually caused during birth by the pressure of the head against the mother's pelvic bones. The lump is confined to one side of the top of the baby's head and, in contrast to caput succedaneum, may take a week or two to disappear. The breakdown of the blood collected in a cephalohematoma may cause these infants to become somewhat more jaundiced than others during the first week of life.

It's important to remember that both caput succedaneum and cephalohematoma occur due to trauma outside of the skull — neither indicates that there has been any injury to the infant's brain.

Face

A newborn's face may look quite puffy due to fluid accumulation and the rough trip through the birth canal. The infant's facial appearance often changes significantly during the first few days as the baby gets rid of the extra fluid and the trauma of delivery eases. That's why the photos you take of your baby later on at home usually look a lot different than those "new arrival" nursery shots.

In some cases, a newborn's facial features can be quite distorted as a result of positioning in the uterus and the squeeze through the birth canal. Not to worry — that folded ear, flattened nose, or crooked jaw usually comes back into place over time.

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Eyes

A few minutes after birth, most infants open their eyes and start to look around at their environment. Newborns can see, but they probably don't focus well at first, which is why their eyes may seem out of line or crossed at times during the first 2 to 3 months. Because of the puffiness of their eyelids, some infants may not be able to open their eyes wide right away.

When holding your newborn, you can encourage eye opening by taking advantage of your baby's "doll's eye" reflex, which is a tendency to open the eyes more when held in an upright position.

Parents are sometimes startled to see that the white part of one or both of their newborn's eyes appears blood-red. Called subconjunctival hemorrhage, this occurs when blood leaks under the covering of the eyeball due to the trauma of delivery. It's a harmless condition similar to a skin bruise that goes away after several days, and it generally doesn't indicate that there has been any damage to the infant's eyes.

Parents are often curious to know what color eyes their infant will have. If a baby's eyes are brown at birth, they will remain so. This is the case for most black and Asian infants. Most white infants are born with bluish-gray eyes, but the pigmentation of the iris (the colored part of the eye) may progressively darken, usually not reaching its permanent color until about 3 to 6 months of age.

Ears

A newborn's ears, as well as other features, may be distorted by the position they were in while inside the uterus. Because the baby hasn't yet developed the thick cartilage that gives firm shape to an older child's ears, it isn't unusual for newborns to come out with temporarily folded or otherwise misshapen ears. Small tags of skin or pits (shallow holes) in the skin on the side of the face just in front of the ear are also common. Usually, these skin tags can be easily removed (talk to your doctor).

Nose

Because newborns tend to breathe through their noses and their nasal passages are narrow, small amounts of nasal fluid or mucus can cause them to breathe noisily or sound congested even when they don't have a cold or other problem. Talk with your doctor about the use of saltwater nose drops and a bulb syringe to help clear the nasal passages if necessary.

Sneezing is also common in newborns. This is a normal reflex and isn't due to an infection, allergies, or other problems.

Mouth

When your newborn opens his or her mouth to yawn or cry, you may notice some small white spots on the roof of the mouth, usually near the center. These small collections of cells are called Epstein's pearls and, along with fluid-filled cysts sometimes present on the gums, will disappear during the first few weeks.

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Neck

Yes ... it's there. Normally the neck looks short in newborns because it tends to get lost in the chubby cheeks and folds of skin.

Chest

Because an infant's chest wall is thin, you may easily feel or observe your baby's upper chest move with each heartbeat. This is normal and isn't a cause for concern.

Also, both male and female newborns can have breast enlargement. This is due to the female hormone estrogen passed to the fetus from the mother during pregnancy. You may feel firm, disc-shaped lumps of tissue beneath the nipples and, occasionally, a small amount of milky fluid (called "witch's milk" in folklore) may be released from the nipples. The breast enlargement almost always disappears during the first few weeks. Despite what some parents believe, you shouldn't squeeze the breast tissue — it will not make the breasts shrink any faster than they will on their own.

Arms and Legs

Following birth, full-term newborns tend to assume a posture similar to what their position in the cramped uterus had been: arms and legs flexed and held close to their bodies. The hands are usually tightly closed, and it may be difficult for you to open them up because touching or placing an object in the palms triggers a strong grasp reflex.

Fingernails

Infants' fingernails can be long enough at birth to scratch their skin as they bring their hands to their faces. If this is the case, you can carefully trim your baby's nails with a pair of small scissors.

Sometimes parents are concerned about the curved appearance of their newborn's feet and legs. But if you recall the usual position of the fetus in the womb during the final months of pregnancy — hips flexed and knees bent with the legs and feet crossed tightly up against the abdomen — it's no surprise that a newborn's legs and feet tend to curve inward.

You can usually move your newborn's legs and feet into a "walking" position; and this will happen naturally as a baby begins to bear weight, walk, and grow through the first 2 to 3 years of life.

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Abdomen

It's normal for a baby's abdomen (belly) to appear somewhat full and rounded. When your baby cries or strains, you may also note that the skin over the central area of the abdomen may protrude between the strips of muscle tissue making up the abdominal wall on either side. This almost always disappears during the next several months as a baby grows.

Many parents are concerned about the appearance and care of their infant's umbilical cord. The cord contains three blood vessels (two arteries and a vein) encased in a jelly-like substance. Following delivery, the cord is clamped or tied off before it's cut to separate the infant from the placenta. The umbilical stump is then simply allowed to wither and drop off, which usually happens in about 10 days to 3 weeks.

You may be instructed to swab the area with alcohol periodically or wash it with soap and water if the stump becomes dirty or sticky to help prevent infection until the cord falls off and the stump dries up. The baby's navel area shouldn't be submerged in water during bathing until this occurs. The withering cord will go through color changes, from yellow to brown or black — this is normal. You should consult your baby's doctor if the navel area becomes red or if a foul odor or discharge develops.

Umbilical (navel) hernias are common in newborns, particularly in infants of African heritage. A hole in the wall of the abdomen at the site of the umbilical cord/future navel allows the baby's intestine to protrude through when he or she cries or strains, causing the overlying skin to bulge outward. These hernias are generally harmless and aren't painful to the infant. Most close on their own during the first few years, but a simple surgical procedure can fix the hernia if it doesn't close by itself. Home remedies for umbilical hernias that have been tried through the years, such as strapping and taping coins over the area, should not be attempted. These techniques are ineffective and may result in skin infections or other injuries.

Genitalia

The genitalia (sexual organs) of both male and female infants may appear relatively large and swollen at birth. Why? It's due to several factors, including exposure to hormones produced by both the mother and the fetus, bruising and swelling of the genital tissues related to birth trauma, and the natural course of development of the genitalia.

In girls, the outer lips of the vagina (labia majora) may appear puffy at birth. The skin of the labia may be either smooth or somewhat wrinkled. Sometimes, a small piece of pink tissue may protrude between the labia — this is a hymenal tag and it's of no significance; it will eventually recede into the labia as the genitals grow.

Due to the effects of maternal hormones, most newborn girls will have a vaginal discharge of mucus and perhaps some blood that lasts for a few days. This "mini-period" is normal menstrual-type bleeding from the infant's uterus that occurs as the estrogen passed to the infant by the mother begins to disappear. Although it's much more common in boys, swelling in the groin of an infant girl can indicate the presence of an inguinal (groin) hernia.

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Hydrocele

In boys, the scrotum (the sack containing the testicles) often looks swollen. This is usually due to a hydrocele, a collection of fluid in the scrotum of infant boys that usually disappears during the first 3 to 6 months. You should call your doctor about swelling or bulging in your son's scrotum or groin that lasts beyond 3 to 6 months or that seems to come and go. This may indicate an inguinal hernia, which usually requires surgical treatment.

The testicles of newborn boys may be difficult to feel in the swollen scrotum. Muscles attached to the testicles pull them up into the groin briskly when the genital area is touched or exposed to a cool environment. Infant boys also normally experience frequent penile erections, often just before they urinate.

More than 95% of newborns pee within the first 24 hours. If your baby is delivered in a hospital, nursery personnel will want to know if this happens while your infant is with you. If a newborn doesn't urinate for what seems like a while at first, it may be that he or she urinated immediately after birth while still in the delivery room. With all the activity going on, that first urination may not have been noticed.

Circumcision Care

If your infant son was circumcised, it usually takes between 7 to 10 days for the penis to heal. Until it does, the tip may seem raw or yellowish in color. Although this is normal, certain other symptoms are not. Call your child's doctor right away if you notice persistent bleeding, redness around the tip of the penis that gets worse after 3 days, fever, signs of infection (such as the presence of pus-filled blisters), and not urinating normally within 6 to 8 hours after the circumcision.

With both circumcised and uncircumcised penises, no cotton swabs, astringents, or any special bath products are needed — simple soap and warm water every time you bathe your baby will do the trick.

No special washing precautions are needed for newly circumcised babies, other than to be gentle, as your baby may have some mild discomfort after the circumcision. If your son has a bandage on his incision, you might need to apply a new one whenever you change his diaper for a day or two after the procedure (put petroleum jelly on the bandage so it won't stick to his skin).

Doctors often also recommend putting a dab of petroleum jelly on the baby's penis or on the front of the diaper to alleviate any potential discomfort caused by friction against the diaper. How you take care of your baby's penis may also vary depending on the type of circumcision procedure the doctor performs. Be sure to discuss what after-care will be needed.

If your baby boy wasn't circumcised, be sure to never forcibly pull back the foreskin to clean beneath it. Instead, gently tense it against the tip of the penis and wash off any smegma (the whitish "beads" of dead skin cells mixed with the body's natural oil). Over time, the foreskin will retract on its own so that it can be pulled away from the glans toward the abdomen. This happens at different times for different boys, but most can retract their foreskins by the time they're 5 years old.

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Skin

There's little doubt about the origin of the expression "still wet behind the ears," used to describe someone new or inexperienced. Newborns are covered with various fluids at delivery, including amniotic fluid and often some blood (the mother's, not the baby's). Nurses or other personnel attending the birth will promptly begin drying the infant to avoid a drop in the baby's body temperature that will occur if moisture on the skin evaporates rapidly.

Newborns are also coated with a thick, pasty, white material called vernix caseosa (made up of the fetus' shed skin cells and skin gland secretions), most of which will be washed off during the baby's first bath.

The hue and color patterns of a newborn's skin may be startling to some parents. Mottling of the skin, a lacy pattern of small reddish and pale areas, is common because of the normal instability of the blood circulation at the skin's surface. For similar reasons, acrocyanosis, or blueness of the skin of the hands and feet and the area surrounding the lips, is often present, especially if the infant is in a cool environment.

When bearing down to cry or having a bowel movement, an infant's skin temporarily may appear beet-red or bluish-purple. Red marks, scratches, bruises, and petechiae (tiny specks of blood that have leaked from small blood vessels in the skin) are all common on the face and other body parts. They're caused by the trauma of squeezing through the birth canal. These will heal and disappear during the first week or two of life.

Fine, soft hair, called lanugo, may be on a newborn's face, shoulders, and back. Most of this hair is usually shed in the uterus before the baby is delivered; for this reason, lanugo is more often seen on babies born prematurely. In any case, this hair will disappear in a few weeks.

The top layer of a newborn's skin will flake off during the first week or two. This is normal and doesn't require any special skin care. Peeling skin may be present at birth in some infants, particularly those who are born past their due date.

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Birthmarks

Not all babies come with a birthmark. However, pink or red areas, sometimes called salmon patches, are common and generally disappear within the first year. Most frequently found on the back of the neck or on the bridge of the nose, eyelids, or brow (hence the fanciful nicknames "stork bite" and "angel kiss"), they can occur anywhere on the skin, especially in light-skinned infants.

Mongolian spots, flat patches of slate-blue or blue-green color that resemble ink stains on the back, buttocks, or elsewhere on the skin, are found in more than half of black, Native American, and Asian infants and less often in white babies. These spots are of no significance and almost always fade or disappear within a few years.

Strawberry or capillary hemangiomas are raised red marks caused by collections of widened blood vessels in the skin. These may appear pale at birth, then become red and enlarge during the first months of life. Then, they usually shrink and disappear without treatment within the first 6 years.

Port-wine stains, which are large, flat, reddish-purple birthmarks, won't disappear on their own. As a child gets older, cosmetic appearance concerns may require the attention of a dermatologist.

Cafe-au-lait spots, so called because of their "coffee with milk" light-brown color, are present on the skin of some infants. These may deepen in color (or may first appear) as the child grows older. They're usually of no concern unless they're large or there are six or more spots on the body, which may indicate the presence of certain medical conditions.

Common brown or black moles, known as pigmented nevi, also can be present at birth or appear (or get darker) as a child gets older. Larger moles or those with an unusual appearance should be brought to a doctor's attention because some may require removal.

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Rashes

Several harmless skin rashes and conditions may be present at birth or appear during the first few weeks. Tiny, flat, yellow or white spots on the nose and chin, called milia, are caused by the collection of secretions in skin glands and will disappear within the first few weeks.

Miliaria — small, raised, red bumps that often have a white or yellow "head" — is sometimes called infant acne because of its appearance. Although miliaria often occurs on the face and can appear on large areas of the body, it's a harmless condition that will go away within the first several weeks with normal skin care.

Despite the frightening sound of its medical name, erythema toxicum is a harmless newborn rash consisting of red blotches with pale or yellowish bumps at the center, which can resemble hives. This rash usually blossoms during the first day or two after birth and disappears within a week.

Pustular melanosis, a rash present at birth, is characterized by dark brown bumps or blisters scattered over the neck, back, arms, legs, and palms, which disappear without treatment.

Also, it isn't unusual to see infants born with sucking blisters on the fingers, hands, or arms because the fetus can suck while still in the uterus.

Newborn jaundice, a yellowish discoloration of the skin and white parts of the eyes, is a common condition that normally doesn't appear until the second or third day after birth and disappears within 1 to 2 weeks. Jaundice is caused by the accumulation of bilirubin (a waste product produced by the normal breakdown of red blood cells) in the blood, skin, and other tissues due to the temporary inability of the newborn's immature liver to clear this substance from the body effectively.

Although some jaundice is normal, if an infant becomes jaundiced earlier than expected or the bilirubin level is higher than normal, the doctor will follow the baby very closely.

Getting to Know Your Little One

The first days and weeks of a newborn's life are a time of great wonder and delight for most new parents. However, being responsible for this tiny creature can be scary, particularly if you're not familiar with how a newborn looks and behaves.

If you feel anxious or uncertain about any part of caring for your baby, don't hesitate to call your doctor, other health care professionals, or family or friends who have had experience caring for a newborn.

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Why some people don't want to have children
Childfree. Myths and facts
Infertility. Myths and facts
Motherhood
Types of motherhood

Why some people don't want to have children

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Why do some people not want to have children?

Interesting question. Indeed, such people exist. In general, the term from the English language child- free is now popular, it literally translates as follows: child - “child”, free - “free”. That is, "free from children." In Russian, there is another term, demographic, "voluntarily childless." It's basically the same thing. That is, health allows people to have children, but they themselves do not want this and refuse it themselves.

And so they appeared as such a group, free, carried away by various other aspects of life, somewhere from the beginning of the 70s. They began to be studied around the same time, and by about the 80s they were already being talked about. Canadian researcher Veevers ( Jean E. Veevers) wrote a book and several articles about this. She, in principle, is still alive, but has already moved away from academic activities. And, in fact, this classification, which speaks about who “childfree” are: there are “rejectors”, they don’t like everything related to children, and “affexionado”. "Affecionado" is generally a Spanish word, from the word affection which is international and means affection. These are people who are too attached to their childless lifestyle. They love it so much that they don't want to change it. This classification belongs to her. She researched it qualitatively and wrote about it for the first time. Actually, no one has refuted these first conclusions so far. Well, there are, of course, people who have an ideologically different view on this, but that's another question. But rather, they were only supplemented.

But before that, before contraception, in principle, childfree also existed. Christianity allowed for the possibility of entering a monastery. Monasteries for women, as far as I know, spread somewhere around 1000 after the birth of Christ. Before that, they didn't exist. And, probably, before that people lived spontaneously and had slightly different problems. But the choice of childlessness was possible along with the choice of not being married. That is, along with the choice of not having sex. It has always been. It was available for both men and women.

There is such a thing as, for example, the European type of marriage, which began to develop from 1300, starting from Finland and further to the West. Very large proportions of people did not marry. Both men and women. And accordingly, this was partly due to the fact that they did not want children. Why they didn't want children is another question. We cannot ask them. But there is, for example, one very interesting story with Ireland, which at first was not like that. There, in the 1840s, there was a very severe famine. And before that, everyone there got married and had a lot of children. The Irish love to have many children still. Although there are also ongoing processes. And that's when many of them died of starvation, because the earth simply could not feed so many people. The inability to feed children is also the reason why it is better not to have them. And after that, almost 50% of men stopped marrying. Because until they had their own farm and they were not sure that here it is - potatoes, here it is - food, they could not get married. Accordingly, women also did not marry. There was, of course, also mass emigration to America, that is, somehow people solved this problem. But that's how it was. That is, it cannot be said that they did it with great pleasure. They probably didn't want to. Still, it was their personal choice.

Among the childfree (voluntarily childless) there are many only children in the family. What is an only child in a family? This is a person who has not seen how babies are raised, as a rule. Especially if he is still growing up in a society where, in principle, people have few children. He can see childless uncles and aunts around him. And he may not see a single baby in all his childhood. He is simply not included in this topic, he does not imagine how it all works.

Well, there is, of course, another ideology that this is connected with selfishness, that this child is necessarily an egoist. But serious researchers do not confirm it. Although the feeling that here I am alone and have always been alone, and how I will continue to multiply, perhaps there is some kind of psychological component to this. But statistics confirm that yes, there are a lot of only children among childfi.

What else? It often happens the other way around - older children from large families. Again, this is due to the fact that in society not only large families exist and they can compare the life of their family with others. They think, “God! We lived so terribly hard as children! All the time I had to feed, wash and help care for younger brothers or sisters. Lord, why were there so many of them?!" And such people usually say: "I raised all my children in childhood." They don't need any more. If parenthood, motherhood or fatherhood (in this case it works for both sexes) is understood as a process, as work, then a person has already done this work in large quantities, on a large scale. He doesn't need it anymore, he doesn't want it anymore.

In general, all these topics show that simply having children is not procreation for most people, or procreation there is some small, insignificant element for very many people who think about it. There are those who had some kind of vague relationship with their mother in childhood and to whom she said that it was bad to have children in general. But here it happens in different ways, there is no such clear correlation.

Among them are many atheists, that is, those who do not believe in any God. Well, in any case, atheists are people like they speak English,0010 here and now All that is, is here and now. And let's look, they say, at parenthood from the point of view of "here and now." First you have a big belly, then you have a terrible birth process, then you breastfeed and you are attached to this person. Then you are also attached to it, because you also grow it. And what, exactly, is this? And when you die, he will be your continuation there, so you won’t see it anyway, and in general, what difference does it make to you. In general, this is a separate person, it is not you. This is a person who already lives for himself and his life. And that's why you think about it only from the point of view of altruism: are you ready to become parental material and, in general, sand under the feet of this new generation. If you look at it from this point of view, then again the question really arises: why then do people have children from the point of view of their own motivations. And in the book of one of the researchers who studied childfree, there were examples of ordinary, ordinary people, well, philistines, in fact, she called them that. Such a childless married couple where the wife was very passionate about having a beautiful home. And she was afraid that the children would disturb the order and beauty in this house. That is, there may even be such a reason.

Childfree. Myths and facts

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Some researchers argue that real childfree are those who are already 40 years old and who by this moment have understood: I don’t want, I won’t, I won’t, I don’t need it.

Interestingly, in the childfree community that exists on the Russian Internet in LiveJournal , there is such a subdivision as "our children". These are people who are in the position of childfree, but at the same time they have children. Therefore, it is the ideology that is more important here, what positions you stand on, and not what actually happens in your life there.

Some childless people simply do not admit that they do not want to have children. But what exactly is childless? The childless are far from being only childfree. Yes, there are infertile ones. But, of course, it is speculation that infertility is constantly on the rise. Because now there are more opportunities to overcome it. Therefore, the percentage of those who are childless and infertile is small. Maybe 2-5%, but definitely not more. And there are childfree, that is, voluntarily childless. And there are still people who accidentally turned out to be childless. Here are most of them, in fact. In general, these are people who did not make any effort and everything was “well, how it goes.”

With good contraception, reliable, this position often leads to the fact that there are no children. And unreliable contraception often led to the fact that there were children. And in this sense, just such a big change is taking place. Most of the childless are not childfree or infertile at all, but such ambivalent people who just have a life and they are not very upset about this.

Continuing to talk about this childfree community, I would like to say one more thing about confrontation. There are rules on this site about what they can't do and what they can do. And they also have a selection of various literature about "children", about their motivation, that is, about why people want to have children, and about the childless, why people do not want to have children. There it is forbidden to say something bad about those who do not want to have children, that is, about childfree. Immediately the person is moderated, expelled and banned. At the same time, the fact that a person has children is not so important if he stands in their positions and believes that, in principle, this is bad. But from time to time, of course, people with other positions come to them and try to convince them. Naturally, they don’t like it, and maybe in response, or maybe not in response, but initially they created a whole idea of ​​​​who “childish” are and why “childish” is terrible or bad with them. points of view. They try to be more or less restrained, but they don't always succeed. From their point of view, “children” are irresponsible people, because the earth is overpopulated and it is necessary to have smaller children. They are irrational people because they live by biology. They multiply and do not think about what will happen next. "Children" about childfree say that, firstly, they are abnormal, that is, they have mental disorders. That any person without mental disorders will definitely want to have a child, because this is an instinct and, of course, it is especially strongly developed in women, but a man should also have it. They also say that they are selfish and were simply poorly brought up in childhood, let's re-educate them, change them, and they will become good and wonderful.

What's interesting is that there is opposition within childfree. This continues the same division that Weavers had, into “rejectors” and “affecionados”, and now it is called “childfree” and “childhat”: free from children and hating children. When a person joins this community (now VKontakte already has a community), he must say about himself, make his own profile: I am “childfree” or “childhait”. And if I am a “childhat”, then I can do everything, that is, you can tell all sorts of terrible things about it. I read some of the stories that they tell there: “In the subway car, a five-year-old child was very noisy, he pissed everyone off. And when the doors opened, I took him and pushed him onto the platform. And then I watched with pleasure how worried my parents were. Or how horribly the kids in the queue behave, or that there was some pot-bellied one who came up and asked her to skip the line - I didn’t miss it, and ha ha ha, so she should.

In this community, in ours, in Russia, in the first one, which was created seven years ago, 70% are women. They once did a survey for themselves. And only 30% are men. Why is this happening? My opinion, my hypothesis that we still have children now is the responsibility, first of all, of women. While this may be changing, it is true in most families. This is some kind of norm, and we still have to work and work on this if we still want gender equality. That is why women generally think more about it. A man can live his whole life ... by the way, there are more completely childless men on average in most developed countries, because men live according to the principle “how it all goes”, this is not the area of ​​​​life that should interest me in principle. Children with women, as some of them say. And if this happens, then they are mediated because of the production of children. If he found himself a woman, then they might have children. For the most part, women still think about children. Women often ask themselves the question already in childhood: will I have children or not. Or at least in early adolescence, at puberty. And they know that when they have children, or if they have children, they will be more concerned with children than anyone else.

New opportunities to become childfree (voluntarily childless) appeared around the 1960s, when new effective contraception began to be introduced in developed countries. That is, people were able not to deny themselves the pleasures of life, sex, and at the same time not to do irrevocable operations, such as sterilization, not to tie the tubes and not deprive themselves forever of the opportunity to have children. Because childfree people who say "I don't want to have kids ever" need to be distinguished from those who say "I don't want to have kids yet, I'll think about it later". Childfree say, "No, never" - but still they don't like to do these irrevocable things, sterilization and everything else, because they want to leave themselves the opportunity to think. That's probably why. Although there are other reasons.

Yes, most of them are young. And some of them then change their minds. There was one Australian study, as far as I remember, where Koo was a co-author, apparently a Chinese. It was longitudinal, they came to the same people after 9 years. And they first asked them: do you want to be parents someday? One answer was “never”, another was “I want to”, and the third was “I don't know”. Then they came to the same people after 9 years. And it turned out that among those who said they never wanted to have children, some became parents. And what's more, of those who did not become parents, someone said: but now I want to, now I don't know. That is, these decisions actually change. But they do not always change, some continued to say: no, never. And another, also interesting, change: of those who said they wanted to have children, some became parents, and some became childfree during this time. They don’t have children, and at that very moment they decided that no, I never want to. I know only, probably, one case out of five with whom I spoke deeply about this and with whom I talked for 10 years, when the person never regretted it.

Infertility. Myths and facts

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Maybe it's true, or maybe it's a myth - that infertility is now on the rise due to the fact that the environment is deteriorating. And this applies primarily to male infertility. That is, men are driving, men are at a computer, men are sitting. In childhood, men are in diapers, and this overheats their entire reproductive mechanism. And as a result, with each generation (and this is indeed proven in all developed countries), the number of mobile, live spermatozoa capable of fertilization decreases. But so far it cannot be said that because of this there is some increase in infertility.

Other myths are that female infertility is associated with immoral behavior, abortions and infections. That in general it is all prostitutes and it is with them that this happens. What happened to prostitutes in tsarist Russia, I don’t know, because then there were no antibiotics and it was still impossible to treat syphilis for real. But, as I recently read in some materials, in principle there were already condoms, some other devices, and the same abortions already existed at the end of the 19th century.

In general, infertility can be primary and secondary. The primary is when there are some reasons, anomalies in the body since childhood, and you have never had children, namely pregnancies. Poor management of pregnancy and childbirth is often the cause. It can be caused by poor diagnosis of diseases in childhood in both boys and girls. Boys, by the way, more often, because only now some programs have been adopted to deal with them. Andrological some. And so the name itself - an andrologist - until recently sounded like something wild. It so happened that abortion is only in 8th place as a cause of infertility. Most of the reasons are completely different.

As for infections, they are not always associated with unprotected sex. They can be associated with a huge number of other reasons. But here, on the contrary, there are myths: “don’t sit on a cold stone”, “dress warmly” - it’s all completely unimportant. There are entire nations, for example, the same Englishmen who keep their children in the cold from childhood, and they have no higher level of all these infectious diseases. Their infertility is not higher, but like everyone else.

Now about assisted reproductive technologies, or new reproductive technologies, as they are called. Fertilization in vitro is, as it were, the main and most famous. In addition, there is such a thing as artificial insemination even more long ago. By the way, this is about how impotence, that is, a male inability to have sex, and infertility are connected. They are connected very indirectly, sometimes almost nothing.

There is also donation and surrogacy. Donation is when, for one reason or another, the eggs are not taken from the woman herself. The simplest and most tragic reason is when she simply does not have ovaries. Or, on the contrary, she has problems with the uterus. Well, that's how she got to bad doctors. Her first pregnancy ended badly, moreover, she also had to remove the uterus. Or she has such a layer inside the uterus that the disease is there and the embryo is not attached. Then you can use surrogate motherhood. Ethically, this is a very busy topic.

What do women prefer and how do they think about their relationship with a child? Because a man somehow succeeds: either this is my child genetically, or this is my child only socially. He's from a donor, but I'm growing him. It's very similar to adoption. But if this child is also from the woman he loves, then it is, as it were, easier. It's probably partially mine.

Some similar processes also occur in a woman. She thinks: here is a donor cell, but this is my husband's child, and I will love him. Moreover, she still thinks: I give birth to him with my uterus, with my body. Motherhood - the biological part - is to give birth with your own body. Here to wear it. Feel the movement, go through childbirth, breastfeed. And if all this happens - and this is such a long process, you become related to it - then that's it, this is your child. And all these genes ... and who ever saw them at all? If only under a microscope. This is all, of course, a bit of an artificial construction. A lot depends on the diagnosis. Before the choice "either you will have a surrogate mother, or a donor cell" very few people in life stand. But to think about it, if you have been in this topic for a long time, in these reproductive technologies, there is an opportunity. Patients discuss this with each other.

Women who discuss surrogacy sometimes try to make contact that is really like fatherhood involved. They go with her to the ultrasound, they stroke her tummy, they feel the movements of this child, they are present at the birth. And like right into their hands, this child, ideally, can be born.

Historically, this is how it happened: it was believed that only a woman could be barren. Even if you read the biographies of kings and so forth, who had no children, they usually took a new wife. It was believed that if a man's reproductive apparatus works normally in a sexual sense, then he cannot be infertile. Although, of course, this is not entirely true. In general, the medical standard is this: first we examine the man. But men very often do not want to go there, they do not believe that this can be connected with them. And women themselves do not think that this can be connected with them. A woman goes through all the examinations and only then brings her husband or even brings only a product of his life in a jar, because he basically does not want to come there. And it turns out that the problem is still there. And male infertility is now growing a little. Well, or its diagnosis is growing, since no one has yet tried to examine the entire population in this area.

There is an International Classification of Diseases. There, even the diagnosis sounds like this: female infertility associated with a male factor. A woman with male factor infertility. That is, the woman is absolutely healthy, and the problem is with her husband. But since she goes to the doctor, it is as if the diagnosis is made to her. In general, since a woman comes, and men don’t think about it at all and are afraid to say something, but there are serious psychological problems when he understands something about himself, doctors very often say in such cases: “So you go left” . So it was quite recently. Or, when modern reproductive technologies began to develop, they began to say: “Well, donated sperm is a great way.”

Motherhood

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Historically, of course, motherhood has changed a lot. It was different in different countries. What can be judged if, for example, we talk about Russia, about a peasant family in Russia? Since in the 18th century, for example, in Russia, the overwhelming majority of the population were precisely the peasants. What was it, what was motherhood?

Infant mortality was around 30% in the first year of life. About half of the children born to a woman survived to adulthood, up to 20 years. The survival of the clan as a whole, of this human collective, of the family as a whole, of the village as a whole, was far more important than the survival of the individual child. They were left to anyone, they were not fed, they were not taken care of, they were not swaddled throughout the day. Everyone got tired, everyone worked in the field, gathered grain and did something else there. Then, when other children appeared, the older ones were left with the younger ones. They were nannies. And those who were not the first already had more chances to survive. But the parents themselves were interested in the survival of the first. But, as you can see for yourself, it was such a biological process in many ways. Almost no education was included in it. That is, the formation of the human capital of this person, the child. It was necessary to teach him only household chores for hard physical work, in which then his whole life passed. And nothing more. Yes, his parents taught him this, but they themselves were interested in this. Famine was a threat, famine existed in Russia until the end of the 19th century. It was a very strong, understandable to everyone motivation.

The main problem was the physical survival of the child, which still could not be influenced in any way. Then medicine began to develop, and it began to be introduced quite widely. What, in fact, brought the development of medicine? People realized that this particular child can survive, I can do something for this. Some hygienic practices began to be introduced. Understanding that in general, if you wash the child more often, while at the same time making it warm in the place where he is washed, he will have more chances not to get sick. That you need to feed him by the hour, and then he will survive with a greater probability. Do not poke him with some bread nipples and in general it is better to follow him somehow. And then he will survive, and he won't have to give birth anymore, he won't have to give birth to the next one.

The birth rate in Russia began to decline at the end of the 19th century. That is, there were seven children per woman, and there were five already in the next generation, who were born in the 1890s. And then it began to shrink more and more. The generation that gave birth between the two wars, the First and Second World Wars, averaged three or four people per woman. And after the Second World War, it fell even more.

At that time, in fact, the state was engaged in education. It came and said: but you will have a school, and your child should go to this school. Parents even had resistance, they thought that there children would be taught something bad. Even nurseries appeared in the Soviet Union, but they usually worked in the summer, during the season, in the countryside. Certainly not in the city. These kindergartens did not cover 100% of the population. They embraced someone, and people began to understand that, in principle, one can rely not only on oneself in the matter of the child's survival. And then education was not a matter of parents at all. They themselves were illiterate peasants. Well, yes, they went through educational program. But how could they help the child? If his school teaches, then here she teaches; so it was. The school is separate, the parents are separate. His parents could teach him something in the household.

This feeling that the school itself should teach children continued to exist somewhere until the late Soviet Union. Schools were of the most varied quality. Not everyone graduated from 10 classes there. Someone finished 7-8. But this norm of compulsory secondary education - first 3-4 years, then 7-8 years - was not with the parents, but still with the school. Someone did not finish these mandatory 7-8 grades even then, but there was no such feeling in society that it was the parents who were to blame, they must achieve at any cost that any child graduate from school. Parents worked, children were at school. They ran through the streets alone with a key around their necks. If there were any grandmothers, they mostly cooked food - if they were peasant grandmothers. If they were some kind of noble, educated grandmothers, yes, they could read books to children and help them do their homework. But this was not the norm, but the exception. Here I would like to recall the noble motherhood in Russia. Not only in Russia, but about motherhood, which, in fact, went from Jean-Jacques Rousseau. Separation of spheres: man - in the public sphere, woman - in the private sphere. The private sphere means that she not only gives birth to children, but also is engaged in their formation. It forms their human capital. That is, it depends on the mother how the child will be educated, successful in life, cultural. For this, the mother herself must also be educated. Therefore, education should be not only for boys, but also for girls.

During the infant period, the noble mother was practically not involved. There were all sorts of nurses, mothers, nannies, and so on. In some countries - for example, in France - the child was even sent to the village for the infancy period, so that he would live there in the air and the nurse would take care of him. And he returned to his family only when he was ready to study. And then the learning process was often associated with some kind of boarding schools, where he also left to meet the needs. In Russia, he mostly lived at home during this period, although it happened in different ways. And yet, his mother had to monitor his education, monitor his education. Russian noble mothers, for example, began to take care of their daughters when they graduated from all these boarding schools and they had to be married off. That is, they then began some communication processes about how to get settled in life. And they were more involved with their sons. Devoted a little more time on average. Because the son's social success depended more on himself than on his marriage. Much more.

Types of motherhood

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We can say that this “noble type” of motherhood is very strongly connected with modern intensive motherhood. Despite the fact that the cultural part of society had some kind of reaction to intensive motherhood already in the 20th century, and many began to reject it. Because it is not always good for children and because it involves a woman too much and she does not have time, a life for anything else.

And now it happens that everything is mixed in one bottle. And this began to happen in Russia after perestroika. That is, the ideology of personal responsibility for everything, including children and parenthood, began to spread in our country. But at the same time, the fact that women worked for us throughout the entire period of the Soviet Union also left an imprint on us. And only a very small proportion said: everything, now I will be completely in the family. Very small. Despite the very large ideological preparation about natural motherhood, the natural destiny of a woman. "Here, let's all do this." She had little effect on anyone, really. Because at the same time, new career opportunities have opened up. And I didn’t want to give it up, but not everyone was ready to give up motherhood either. And how is it possible to combine all this: motherhood, and intensive, where you form human capital, and a career, also intensive, because the new capitalism requires a lot from a person in the workplace. As a result, the requirements became incompatible. Because if a woman accepts all this, she is required to have 146% of the minimum of what she can in principle.

The school is weakening as a social institution. More and more is shifted to the parents. Suppose the school curriculum is structured in such a way, even in elementary school, that the teacher told everything as best he could. And whether the children learned it or not, it does not matter. But the grades are set as if the child should learn the full program. That is, not what the teacher told, but what helped him at home. And so the majority, both in the working, uneducated class and in the middle class, helps their children do their homework, at least in elementary school. It has been that way for a long time. Now there are "tiger mothers", these Chinese ones, from them it began to develop in other countries. They have their own parenting style, which one of them described in a book. Severely raising their children and just waiting for the formation of the maximum result. Here is to achieve from each child the maximum social, educational, what he is capable of. And at the same time they treat their children quite harshly. Well, not so that they constantly used violence, but, let's say, affection, all this harmony is not there at all.

Let's say this is how they try to teach in America. This influence is already exerting itself on American parents themselves. The so-called helicopter parenting (helicopter parenting) is distributed there. That is, you, like a helicopter, hover over a child in any of his life situations and, as it were, you are not quite there, but you constantly monitor, monitor everything that happens, constantly intervene at some critical moments. And now the same thing is happening, but only in the lives of a much larger circle of people. This is both a middle-class woman and a woman who works as a hairdresser and manicurist. Each at its own level does what it can. Who has more money - hire tutors. Those who have less money sit themselves for hours with them for lessons. And in any case, they definitely invest this desire for success in their children. Because if they don't succeed, what will happen?

In other countries, as far as I know, this is less common. But in prosperous at the same time, where there is no crisis. "Well, here he will be happy, and well." In America, this helicopter parenting is common. Because everyone wants to maximize everything. And it all went from Southeast Asia, where the birth rate is minimal, where there is one child per family. These people are willing to make any sacrifice to get their child as far as possible, no matter what they can give him. They maximize everything the family can give.

When technology develops, technology, and so on, and motherhood becomes easier in one of its aspects, it necessarily becomes harder in the other. Whether this is due to the same female guilt complex, or to the altruism inherent in motherhood or parenthood in general. But if a woman's hands are freed from constant washing for a baby due to the fact that a diaper can be changed, then she begins to wear it on her hands more often after eating. You can cook less, you can buy ready-made baby food if you have money. Again, there are people with different incomes. There are people who buy diapers just to visit.

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Other materials Gender for Dummies”:

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Top 10 Books for Parents of Babies

Reviewer Kovtun Tatiana Anatolievna

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September 15, 2021

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Someone thinks that being parents is natural and simple, someone considers responsible parenthood to be a real science. But both of them agree on one thing: to raise and raise a child or even two and not go crazy at the same time is not an easy task. And if earlier, on any issue, mothers opened the only available book by Benjamin Spock or went to their mother, now the choice of literature for parents is much richer. We have selected for you 10 books that are really beneficial to read.

"Your child from birth to 2 years"

Martha Sears

Truly, this is a desktop encyclopedia of most modern parents. It has everything about breastfeeding, and the introduction of complementary foods and how the baby develops. Written by a married couple who raised 8 children! Natural parenting, slings, vaccinations and illnesses, the kangaroo method - here you will find the answer to any of your questions.

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"French children don't spit food"

Pamela Druckerman

A book that will change your thinking about parenting. If your child is over a year old and you can't make friends with food, this book is for you! If you try to follow the simple advice of a simple mother who has decided to live according to the French laws of upbringing, you will be surprised how much can be achieved. And yes, the baking recipes with the kids in the book are amazing. Plus, it's a must-read for moms who want to be on trend. There will be something to discuss on the playground.

"Education implies rigid boundaries, but within these boundaries there is freedom."
"The evolution from woman to mother is inevitable."

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"Before your child drives you crazy"

Nigel Latta

Putting your child to bed at twelve at night, do you think that you are the most unhappy parents in the world? Urgently pick up this book and find out that there are hundreds of thousands like you. In fact, the New Zealand psychologist wrote a unique book of advice. Here a certain number of stories of real families with real problems are collected and solutions are selected. Even if you try to put at least a couple of tips into practice, your life will become much easier. And if you overpower yourself and learn how to put children to sleep according to Latt . .. You can only be envied.

"When you're little, the world seems like a terribly dangerous place, so you need to be sure that someone will stop you when you go too far."
“Adapt or perish—this is the law of education. It must be learned by all parents if they do not want to lose the battle with their children.”

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"It's too late after three"

Masaru Ibuka

This thin little book made a splash. In fact, nothing new is written in it, you can read all this from the Sears, but without an emphasis on early age. If you want to give your child pencils a year, and send them to a theater group at a year and a half, and your grandmother is against it, then it is better to have at least two or three authors who share your opinion as arguments.

"Before educating children, one must first educate the parents."
“It is thanks to the environment and life experience that children, so identical at birth, grow up with different abilities and characters. ”

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Quick Guide to Parenting

Axel Hake

Despite the title, you won't get any advice from this book. Just take her for a walk to take your mind off your worries and find out that all parents around the world live approximately the same pattern, that everyone has trouble a second before leaving the house, that floods and fires are normal and not just yours. fidget fights and bites in the garden. Pleasant reading, uplifting, and you will have something to talk about with moms on the playground.

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How to put your baby to sleep. Detailed guide»

Gina Ford

If you need answers to specific questions, then this book is for you. Many stories of real children and their problems with sleep, food and how to solve them. The only thing is that not everyone shares Gina's approach to putting the baby to bed, but these are trifles. In any case, you can take out something useful for yourself.

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"Your strange child"

Ekaterina Murashova

Lectures by Ekaterina Murashova gather entire halls and this is no accident. All her conclusions are made on the basis of many years of psychological practice. Murashova loves parables and anecdotal stories that reveal the essence of all things. If you think your child has problems, read Ekaterina Murashova. You will see that there are parents who have faced much more serious difficulties. And you will also find recipes for dealing with children's aggression, fears, shyness, and so on. A must read for moms who like to explain everything to their kids. Why? Know, understand.

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How to talk so children will listen and how to listen so children will talk

Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

An indispensable book for parents who love to work on themselves and on relationships with their children. This guide not only gives advice, but also offers specific practical exercises, so get ready to read the book with a pencil and notepad. It really works!

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Games for new moms

Zhenya Katz

A book for mothers who are just starting to participate in the quest: what to do with a child. This hint book will provide you with ideas for a couple or three years ahead. After reading it, you will begin to invent games yourself. You look and also write "Games", but only for advanced mothers.

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"If it's difficult with a child"

Ludmila Petranovskaya

If you are ready to admit to yourself that it is difficult for you, then immediately start reading this bestseller. Yell at a child? Do you want to play with him? Don't know what to do? That way. There is nothing superfluous in the book. Everything is clear and to the point. You will find exactly what you are looking for: tips and recipes on how to return joy to the family, make yourself and your child happy.

Will it be too little? Read on, and we will prepare more than one fascinating selection for you.

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