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Gender role development in children


Gender Identity Development in Children

By: Jason Rafferty MD, MPH, EdM, FAAP

There are many ways parents can promote healthy gender development in children. It helps to understand gender identity and how it forms.

What's the difference between gender and sex?

Being a boy or a girl, for most children, is something that feels very natural. At birth, babies are assigned male or female based on physical characteristics. This refers to the "sex" or "assigned gender" of the child. Meanwhile, "gender identity" refers to an internal sense people have of who they are that comes from an interaction of biological traits, developmental influences, and environmental conditions. This may be male, female, somewhere in between, a combination of both or neither.

Self-recognition of gender identity develops over time, much the same way a child's physical body does. Most children's asserted gender identity aligns with their assigned gender (sex). However, for some children, the match between their assigned gender and gender identity is not so clear.

How does gender identity develop in children?

Gender identity typically develops in stages:

  • Around age two: Children become conscious of the physical differences between boys and girls.

  • Before their third birthday: Most children can easily label themselves as either a boy or a girl.

  • By age four: Most children have a stable sense of their gender identity.

During this same time of life, children learn gender role behavior—that is, do­ing "things that boys do" or "things that girls do." However, cross-gender preferences and play are a normal part of gender development and exploration regardless of their future gender identity. See The Power of Play - How Fun and Games Help Children Thrive.

The point is that all children tend to develop a clearer view of themselves and their gender over time. At any point, research suggests that children who assert a gender-diverse identity know their gender as clearly and consistently as their developmentally matched peers and benefit from the same level of support, love and social acceptance.

What parents can do:

All children need the opportunity to explore different gender roles and different styles of play. Parents can make sure their young child's environment reflects diversity in gender roles and encourages opportunities for everyone. Some ideas would be to offer:

  • Children's books or puzzles showing men and women in non-stereotypical and diverse gender roles (stay-at-home dads, working moms, male nurses and female police officers, for example).

  • A wide range of toys for your child to choose from, including baby dolls, toy vehicles, action figures, blocks, etc.

  • By age 6, most children spend most of their playtime with members of their own sex and may gravitate towards sports and other activities that are associated with their gender. It is important to allow children to make choices regarding friend groups, sports and other activities they get involved in. It is also a good idea to check in with your child to learn about their preferences and to make sure they feel included without teasing or bullying.

How do children typically express their gender identity?

In addition to their choices of toys, games, and sports, children typically express their gender identity in the following ways:

  • Clothing or hairstyle

  • Preferred name or nickname

  • Social behavior that reflects varying degrees of aggression, dominance, dependency and gentleness.

  • Manner and style of behavior and physical gestures and other nonverbal actions identified as masculine or feminine.

  • Social relationships, including the gender of friends, and the people they decide to imitate.

While a child's gender-specific behavior (i.e. gender expression) at any time seems to be influenced by exposure to stereotypes and their identification with the people in their lives, the internal sense of being a girl, boy, in between or something else (i. e. gender identity) cannot be changed.

How have gender stereotypes changed over time?

Our expectations of "what girls do" and "what boys do" have changed. Many female athletes excel at their sports. Girls increasingly pursue subjects traditionally thought of as "masculine." There are many famous male chefs, artists, and musicians―fields traditionally thought of as "feminine." Over time, society has recognized that stereotypes of "masculine" and "feminine" activities and behaviors are inaccurate and limiting to a child's development. Such interests also do not determine or influence one's gender identity. Furthermore, our ability to predict who a child is based on early preferences is not very accurate and may be harmful if it leads to shame or attempts at suppressing their skills, talents and genuine self.

Still, when a child's interests and abilities are different from what society expects, they may be subjected to discrimination and bullying. It is natural for parents to have gender-based expectations for their children and to want to protect them from criticism and exclusion. Instead of pushing children to conform to these pressures and to limit themselves, parents can play an important role in advocating for safe spaces where their children can feel comfortable and good about themselves.

If your child doesn't excel in sports or even have an interest in them, for example, there will still be many other opportunities and areas in which they can thrive. Regardless of gender identity, each child has their own strengths that may not always conform to society's or your own expectations, but they will still be a source of current and future success.

Remember


Gender development is a normal process for all children. Some children will exhibit variations―similar to all areas of human health and behavior. However, all children need support, love and care from family, school and society, which fosters growth into happy and healthy adults.

Additional Information & Resources:


  • Gender-Diverse & Transgender Children

  • Parenting a Gender-Diverse Child: Hard Questions Answered

  • Sex, Gender Identity & Puberty

  • How You Can Help Your Child Avoid & Address Bullying

  • Ensuring Comprehensive Care and Support for Transgender and Gender-Diverse Children and Adolescents (AAP Policy Statement)

About Dr. Rafferty


Jason Rafferty, MD, MPH, EdM, FAAP, is a "Triple Board" residency graduate who is pediatrician and child psychiatrist at Thundermist Health Centers, a Patient-Centered Medical Home in Rhode Island. He specializes in adolescent substance use disorders and gender and sexual development, and also practices in related specialty clinics at Hasbro Children's Hospital and Emma Pendleton Bradley Hospital. Dr. Rafferty is an advocate in his local community and on a national level through work with the American Academy of Pediatrics on issues including the emotional health of young men, access to care for LGBTQ youth, and prevention of childhood homelessness.

The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.

Gender roles and identity in children

Gender roles and identity in children | Pregnancy Birth and Baby beginning of content

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It’s common for people to think of the terms ‘sex’ and ‘gender’ as being the same, but they mean different things. Someone’s sex refers to their physical biology: being male or female. A person’s gender identity, however, is a person’s sense of who they are – male, female, both or neither.

Your gender identity is a deep sense of your own gender. In some cases, a person’s gender identity may be different from their biological sex.

When do children become aware of their gender?

Most children start showing their gender identity at around 2 to 3 years of age. They may do this by choosing certain toys, colours and clothes that seem to appeal more to boys or girls. By the time they reach 3 years old, most children prefer to play games which they think fit their gender, and with other children who are the same sex as them. For example, boys may play together with trucks and girls may play together with dolls.

However, children don’t start to think of their gender as being fixed, or ‘forever’, until they reach 6 or 7 years old. This happens when they are old enough to understand what gender actually means and they have fully ‘socialised’. This means they behave in the ways they think their environment expects them to.

What creates gender roles?

Gender roles are influenced both by our genes (a part of our biology) and our environment. Children often copy adult role models such as their parents or teachers. So if a boy sees his father mostly doing jobs like fixing the car, or a girl sees her mother doing most of the cooking, the child may think these are ‘men’s jobs’ and ‘women’s jobs’.

However, it’s important that children know that girls can do well at games, sports and school subjects like maths, which society has typically associated with boys. Likewise, it’s important for boys to have the freedom to follow their interests, regardless of whether it fits what people have traditionally thought is appropriate for boys.

Here are some things you can do to help prevent your child from developing gender stereotypes when they are young. (A stereotype is a commonly understood, but fixed, set of ideas and views about what it means to be a certain type of person.)

  • Give them games, media, books and puzzles that are gender-neutral or show men and women in non-stereotypical roles, e.g. a female fire fighter or male nurse.
  • Give both girls and boys a wide range of toys to play with, e.g. trucks, dolls, action figures and blocks.
  • Allow children to choose the sports or activities that interest them.
  • Let your child see you doing a variety of tasks that may not be ‘typical’ of their gender. For example, dad could do the laundry and mum could mow the lawn.
  • Praise both girls and boys for the same behaviour. For example, if they are neat, courageous, kind or physically active.
  • Encourage children to make friends with both girls and boys.
  • Try to use gender-neutral terms such as ‘fire fighter’ rather than ‘fireman’.

Gender inequality

Gender inequality emerges when people are treated differently and are discriminated against, based on their gender.

Australia has made some progress in supporting equality for women. However, women are still, on average, paid less than men; take on more low-paid or unpaid caregiving roles; experience more workplace discrimination and sexual harassment; and are more likely to be the victims of partner violence.

Gender diverse individuals include transgender, where their gender identity does not match their biological sex, non-binary (neither male nor female, or a blend), gender fluid (moves between gender identities) or agender (doesn’t identify with any gender). Youth and adults in Australia who are transgender or gender diverse can also experience high levels of discrimination, bullying and harassment. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation as well as mental health issues such as depression, anxiety or suicidal thoughts.

It’s important for children to learn how to develop social skills to communicate respectfully with each other and to learn appropriate boundaries, regardless of gender. At home, and through some school programs, children can be taught to:

  • understand their emotions and how to handle them
  • solve problems effectively
  • manage bad moods and stress
  • know how to go to friends or others for help
  • encourage relationships which are respectful and caring

What is gender dysphoria?

Gender dysphoria is the emotional distress experienced by transgender or gender diverse people, caused by feeling they were born into the wrong body.

At around 3 years of age or older, many children who are transgender or gender diverse will begin to express their identities, as other children do, through their play, behaviour and choices. This could mean dressing more like the opposite sex or playing games or with toys typically associated with the other sex.

However, it’s normal for all children to experiment with gender roles and make sense of their place in the world, as a girl or a boy. This exploration does not necessarily mean your child is transgender.

In younger children, gender dysphoria may show up in the form of emotional problems or behavioural issues. You may also notice the child repeatedly saying they belong to the opposite sex, or want to be the opposite sex, or will be when they grow up. They may persistently draw pictures of the opposite sex. For example, a boy might often draw pictures of girls or women.

Just over 1 in 100 Australian school-aged children identify as transgender. As gender diverse children reach puberty and the teenage years, their bodies undergo changes in line with their sex rather than their gender. This can cause them to become extremely distressed and they may experience mental health issues. In this case, it’s best to seek professional help.

Treatment of gender dysphoria in children

It’s important that a transgender child or teenager has supportive people in their home, school and community who will understand and affirm their gender identity.

In teens with gender dysphoria, the following treatment may be offered:

  • In early puberty, puberty blockers can prevent the usual growth of sex organs and hormones.
  • In late puberty, from 16 years onwards, hormone treatment using oestrogen or testosterone can change the body to match the teen’s gender identity.

In Australia, parental permission is required for any teen or child under 18 years old to receive hormone treatment. No child under 18 is legally permitted to have gender reassignment surgery.

Where to go for more information and help

  • Royal Children’s Hospital Gender Service
  • Transcend
  • Parents of Gender Diverse Children
  • The Gender Centre
  • Student Wellbeing Hub  
  • Australian Human Rights Commission
  • Kids Helpline 1800 551 800

Sources:
The Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne (Gender dysphoria), Australian Human Rights Commission (Addressing sexual orientation and sex and or gender identity discrimination - consultation report 2011), Child Development (The Emergence of Same-Sex Affiliative Preferences among Preschool Peers), Hormones and Behavior (Early androgens activity levels and toy choices of children in the second year of life), raisingchildren. net.au (Gender identity, gender diversity and gender dysphoria: children and teenagers), The Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne (Australian Standards of Care and Treatment Guidelines for trans and gender diverse children and adolescents), Human Rights Law Centre (Human Rights Case Summaries), University of Melbourne (Breaking gender stereotypes. Early.)

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Last reviewed: February 2020


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