Gay couple children
Same-sex parents – two dads
Same-sex parents – two dads | Pregnancy Birth and Baby beginning of content5-minute read
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There are more same-sex couple families than ever before in Australia. More than 10,000 children live with same-sex parents in this country, and 1 in 20 male same-sex couples has children. If you are in a same-sex couple, this article will help you consider the important questions about becoming a dad.
The options for becoming a parent
Same-sex families can be created in many different ways. For example, a bisexual man may have a baby with a heterosexual woman. One or both of you may have children from a previous heterosexual relationship, or you may decide to adopt. A gay couple may have a co-parenting arrangement with a lesbian couple. Or a gay man can donate sperm to a single woman or same-sex female couple to have a baby.
These days, more same-sex male couples are creating their own families through surrogacy. There are two types. Full or gestational surrogacy is when a fertilised donor egg is implanted into a surrogate through in vitro fertilisation (IVF). The surrogate has no genetic connection to the baby. For legal reasons, this is the only type of surrogacy that many clinics in Australia will be involved in. Partial or traditional surrogacy is when the surrogate’s own egg is fertilised by the man’s sperm. This can be done at home or in an overseas clinic.
The surrogate can be someone you know, who may then be involved in the child’s life, or someone else. In Australia, commercial surrogacy is against the law, although you can pay a surrogate’s medical expenses. You cannot advertise for a surrogate or pay someone to find a surrogate for you.
Some men find a surrogate overseas, but this can be quite expensive. It’s also very important to understand the laws and regulations of the overseas country before you enter into any arrangement with a surrogate.
For more information on surrogacy, visit the Victorian Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority website.
Deciding on roles
Same-sex male couples tend to share parenting more equally than many heterosexual couples. Because a lot of planning usually goes into having a baby with a same-sex couple, there’s time to think about what it means to be a parent, what roles you will both have and who else will be involved in bringing up the child.
Research has shown that gay couples are more likely to share domestic duties and childcare fairly than heterosexual couples. Gay dads may be more involved in their children’s lives than heterosexual dads. Being a father can also raise your self-esteem and give you a sense of fulfilment.
There are different ways to involve the biological mother or other women in family life. For example, you may introduce the children to mothers, sisters or friends as female role models.
Social and psychological issues
Research has shown that children who grow up in same-sex families do as well emotionally, socially and educationally as any other children.
But even though there is more support than ever for same-sex families in Australia, some same-sex couples and their children are worried about being teased or bullied. It’s the stigma of others rather than growing up with two dads that can affect children’s wellbeing.
Surrounding your family with plenty of supportive friends, families and same-sex organisations and communities can help your family navigate discrimination.
Children usually find their own way of explaining their family set-up to other people. If you think your child is being bullied, it’s important to step in quickly. Schools and teachers are trained to deal with issues like this.
Work and legal issues
It’s important to obtain legal advice before you enter into any surrogacy arrangement.
Altruistic surrogacy (when the surrogate mother does not receive any financial compensation) is legal in Australia. However, the law does not obligate a birth mother to surrender the child. Sometimes a court may transfer legal parental rights to the commissioning parents.
The way in which Australian law applies to children born to surrogates overseas is sometimes confusing and there have even been cases where children have been left without legally-defined parents. Sometimes, commissioning parents will need to apply to the Family Court for parenting orders.
If you donated sperm to a woman, you have no legal rights or responsibilities concerning the child. The woman who gives birth to the child and her partner have full parental rights. When they turn 18, children conceived from a sperm donor have the right to information that identifies you.
Same-sex parents and their families have the same entitlements as everyone else when it comes to parental leave, tax, superannuation, social security and family assistance, child support and family law. They also have identical entitlements to the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme Safety Net and the Medicare Safety Net, immigration and citizenship.
If you are a same-sex parent, it’s important to let Centrelink know. You will be assessed for entitlements in the same way as everyone else. Depending on your circumstances, you may be eligible for child support or Dad and partner pay. Visit the Department of Social Services for more information.
More information and support
- National LGBTI Health Alliance
- OUTspoken families: A resource kit for rainbow families
- PFLAG – Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays
- QLife (National counselling and referral service - call 1800 184 527
- Student Wellbeing Hub
Sources:
Australian Bureau of Statistics (Census of population and housing reflecting Australia), Medical Journal of Australia (What makes a same-sex parented family?), Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (UK) (Same sex couples), Victorian Assisted Reproductive Treatment Authority (Considering IVF, donor treatment or surrogacy overseas), Australian Institute of Family Studies (Same-sex parented families in Australia), Australian Institute of Family Studies (Children's wellbeing in same-sex parented families), Australian Institute of Family Studies (Same-sex couple families in Australia), Australian Institute of Family Studies (Social support), Raising Children (School-age bullying: helping your child), Australian Institute of Family Studies (Families, policy and the law), Australian Department of Social Services (Recognition of same-sex relationships)Learn more here about the development and quality assurance of healthdirect content.
Last reviewed: July 2020
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Related pages
- Parental rights and finances
- Surrogacy
- Same-sex parents - two mums
- Rainbow families
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Same-sex families: services & resources | Raising Children Network
Like all families, rainbow and same-sex families need support. Get links to services for rainbow and same-sex parents, their children and their communities.
Read more on raisingchildren.net.au website
Same-sex parents - two mums
More than 10,000 Australian children live with same-sex parents. This article will help you consider the main questions about becoming a mum in a same-sex relationship.
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Same-sex parenting: a family story | Raising Children Network
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Rainbow families
The term ‘rainbow family’ refers to a family with parents of the same sex bringing up a child. Find out more how to overcome some of the challenges and tips for going forward.
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Information for rainbow families
While many of the experiences for families are similar, rainbow families can have a number of unique experiences, joys and challenges.
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For gay parents, first comes the baby — then comes the debt
Oscar-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black and his husband, British Olympic diver Tom Daley, announced on Valentine’s Day that they’re expecting their first child. But while there are more options than ever for same-sex couples looking to expand their families, it’s not a simple — or affordable — endeavor for many.
Whether it be through surrogacy, artificial insemination or adoption, gay couples in the U.S. face a series of hurdles — some more complicated and expensive than others — in order to have kids. Along with the challenges, however, there are a number of resources available to help them along their journey.
SURROGACY: ERIK AND ADAM
Los Angeles couple Erik and Adam McEwen sat anxiously in a hospital waiting area this past November. In a nearby room, Erik’s sister-in-law, Corrin, was giving birth to the men’s twin daughters. Corrin volunteered to be their surrogate and was impregnated through in vitro fertilization (IVF). A female friend of the couple had donated her eggs, which were fertilized with their sperm.
Erik, right, and Adam.Ana BrandtThe couple could not be present for the birth of their daughters, Erik said, because hospital rules only permitted one person in the delivery room. Erik said he and Adam wanted Corrin’s husband, Erik’s brother, to be by her side to support her.
Not being able to see the birth of their daughters was disappointing, the couple said. But their disappointment quickly dissipated once the newborns were in their arms.
“It got the best of me,” Erik recalled, saying he burst into tears upon holding his daughters. “I was a blubbering idiot.”
Erik, a hairstylist, and Adam, a musician, said their dream family likely would not have become a reality had their female friend and Erik’s sister-in-law not volunteered to help them.
“I don’t think we could have done it otherwise, mainly because it costs so much money,” Erik said. “That’s just something that would not have been possible.”
Erik said the process cost him and Adam upwards of $65,000. Corrin’s insurance covered OB-GYN-related care, but Erik and Adam paid for fertility treatments (including IVF), legal fees related to the surrogacy process and their daughters’ hospital care immediately following their birth.
“We go into the nursery area, and there is a woman there basically with a credit card machine and paperwork for us to give them money immediately, and so it kind of took away from that first moment with your baby,” Erik explained.
While the cost of childbirth can vary greatly, even for heterosexual couples, hospital deliveries in the U.S. cost on average $3,800 per stay, according to a 2011 report from the Agency for Healthcare Research.
Most couples who go through surrogacy do not have the luxury of both a volunteer surrogate and egg donor, according to Amanda Hopping-Winn, chief program officer for the Family Equality Council, an advocacy organization for LGBTQ families. When a paid surrogate and egg donor are involved, she said the cost easily exceeds $100,000.
Hopping-Winn also noted there are many legal hurdles involved with surrogacy, and she advised couples pursuing this route to work with a lawyer and enter into a contract with a surrogate to ensure they are recognized as legal parents before they even begin the process.
Surrogacy laws vary widely from state to state, and Hopping-Winn said it is crucial to be aware of this national patchwork of laws.
“There are some states like, let’s say New York, where surrogacy agreements throughout the state are void and unenforceable, and if they find out that you do have a surrogacy contract, you are subject to fines,” she explained.
If a couple lives in a state that does not permit surrogacy or enforce surrogacy contracts, Hopping-Winn said they should use a surrogacy agency in a state that does. Most surrogacy agencies, she added, are connected with legal groups that can assist couples through the process.
ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION: DAKERRI & SONDRA
Pregnancy is usually less complicated for lesbian couples, Hopping-Winn said, but it can still be costly. Many lesbian couples get pregnant through artificial insemination with donated sperm, which can cost several thousand dollars and require additional legal steps not necessary for heterosexual parents.
If two women choose to have a baby using reciprocal in vitro fertilization, where one partner is impregnated with the fertilized egg of the other partner, the process can be more costly. On average, the cost of a basic IVF cycle in the U.S. is between $12,000 and $15,000, according Internet Health Resources.
Dakerri and Sondra.Courtesy of Dakerri and Sondra Barber-RhomeDakerri and Sondra Barber-Rhone, a married lesbian couple living in Nashville, said they spent about $6,000 out-of-pocket on their pregnancy. Dakerri, who carried the baby, said her insurance covered only a portion of the costs.
“Financially, it was pretty difficult,” Dakerri said. She and her wife used artificial insemination with donor sperm to get pregnant but did not do IVF. She said it took four attempts to get pregnant, which added to the price tag.
The cost, she said, was well worth the outcome. After 14 hours of labor in the spring of 2016, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy.
“It was incredible,” Dakerri said. “As soon as I saw him,” she added, “it was just an instant connection.”
ADOPTION: JAMIE & BO
Same-sex partners that want to have children solely through adoption may also face unique challenges. While there are no states that explicitly prohibit same-sex adoption, seven states permit state-licensed child welfare agencies to refuse to place children with LGBTQ families if doing so directly conflicts with their religious beliefs, according to the Movement Advancement Project, an LGBTQ think tank.
Jamie, right, and Bo.Courtesy of Jamie and Bo NaboznyLuckily for Jamie and Bo Nabozny, their state is not one of those seven. The Minneapolis couple was able to adopt four brothers, ages 9, 10, 12 and 13, through Minnesota’s foster care system. Jamie said they found an LGBTQ-affirming adoption agency in the state in 2015 that guided them through the process.
“Picking the right agency is the number one thing that’s going to make a difference in the success and … ease [of] the adoption,” Jamie said. He and his husband adopted their children through a free state program called Minnesota’s Waiting Children.
While Jamie and Bo are the boys’ legal parents, they said they worry about what might happen when traveling outside of Minnesota. Whenever they travel, Jamie said they bring their sons’ birth certificates and adoption papers so they can prove they are their legal guardians.
“I don’t think most families think about bringing birth certificates along,” Jamie said. “That’s something that we have to think about and worry about, because we don’t want to run in to an issue where people question who we are or our relationship to the children. ”
ADOPTION WITH SURROGACY & ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION
Even when a married same-sex couple has children through pregnancy — either via a surrogate or using donated sperm — experts recommend that the parent who does not have a biological connection to the child pursue adoption. Hopping-Winn said doing so protects the rights of the non-biological parent if the biological parent dies, if the couple gets divorced or when the family travels, among other circumstances.
“More and more states are allowing two moms or two dads to be on the birth certificate, but at the end of the day, a birth certificate is more a birth announcement,” Hopping-Winn added. “It doesn’t establish parentage — it generally is not as relevant in a court of law if there are issues.”
Parental rights for same-sex couples are determined by state laws, which vary widely, according to Beth Littrell, an attorney for the LGBTQ nonprofit Lambda Legal. She said same-sex couples face certain challenges that heterosexual couples do not.
In cases where anonymous sperm is donated to a lesbian couple, for instance, courts may decide the sperm donor has parental rights that have to be extinguished before a legal adoption can take place, Littrell explained.
“[The laws] were really written before reproductive technology became as advanced as it is,” she explained. “So the laws recognize biology and privilege a biological relationship in a pretty strong way.”
Even though Dakerri’s wife is listed on her son’s birth certificate, she is making plans to adopt him as a step-parent. The couple has concerns about what might happen if Dakerri dies or if they travel to a place where Sondra’s parentage may come under question.
“It feels like it’s a lot of extra steps that we shouldn’t have to take that a lot of other families don’t have to take,” said Dakerri, who said it’s “annoying” and “insulting” that her wife has to adopt their son.
Erik and Adam are both listed as parents on their daughters’ birth certificates, but they said that won’t be enough to ensure their parental rights. Sperm from each man was used to fertilize two eggs, they explained, which means they will each have to adopt the child they are not biologically related to.
“It just doesn’t feel like it ends,” Adam said. “I just want to enjoy my family and my children, but then there’s still things we have to think about and do to solidify everything.”
RESOURCES FOR LGBTQ FAMILIES
Resources for LGBTQ families and family planning are becoming more common, whether they’re through nonprofit advocacy groups or through other families documenting their journeys on social media.
Dakerri and Sondra said organizations like the Family Equality Council were great resources for them when they decided to start a family. They now have their own YouTube channel, “Two Mom Diaries,” where they document life raising their son.
“We realized that we could make a bigger impact, because through our journey we could help people deal with things that we were going through,” Dakerri said.
Erik said blogs like Gays With Kids, a popular site for gay dads, is a great resource, and he also noted there are many Facebook groups that are helpful for connecting with other same-sex families.
“I’m so happy that I was able to get so much information,” Erik said. “It helped me cope with everything a little more. It helped me feel prepared.”
Erik and Adam also have a YouTube channel, “McHusbands,” which follows their fatherhood journey. Erik said their channel, which has nearly 90,000 followers, helps them connect with other same-sex parents.
All three couples had the same overarching advice for same-sex couples who are considering expanding their family: Do your research. Talking to same-sex parents, researching adoption agencies in one’s state and knowing state laws regarding surrogacy, artificial insemination and adoption were among their specific tips.
In a 2015 report, the Williams Institute at UCLA estimated 122,000 same-sex couples in the U.S. were raising children under age 18. The report, which was based on data from the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2013 American Community Survey, found nearly 27,000 of these same-sex couples were raising an estimated 58,000 adopted and foster children.
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90,000 first interview with adoptive parents gay: weEvgeny Erofeev and Andrey Vaganov Photo: Privat
Dmitry Vacedin
August 12, 2019
in an interview children and forced to flee from the Russian Federation because of the threat of losing them, for the first time she told her story - guardianship, open gay marriage in Moscow, persecution by the Investigative Committee.
https://p.dw.com/p/3NBH0
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Until this summer, Andrei Vaganov and Yevgeny Erofeev, a same-sex couple who lived in Moscow with adopted children, had no problems with the state. They married in Denmark in 2016 and raised two adopted boys together. The situation escalated sharply after the Investigative Committee opened a criminal case against employees of the social security authorities who allowed Andrei to adopt children. As a result, the family was forced to leave Russia.
While still in transit through Ukraine, the men gave their first interview to DW correspondent Dmitry Vachedin. For the first time, they gave their names and spoke about themselves - about life in Russia in an open gay marriage, the adoption of children, the problems that arose and the flight from the country.
At their request, we are not yet able to reveal the whereabouts of Andrei and Evgeny, but they are in a country that they consider safe. We publish a conversation with them almost without abbreviations.
DW: Nobody knew about you until a week ago. Now everyone will talk about you. How do you experience it? Difficult?
Eugene: I have always dreamed of fame (smiles. - Rev. ).
Andrey: Look when I'm with Yura (son. - Rev. ) was leaving Moscow for Kyiv, I already understood that publicity and disclosure of personal data is a matter of time. Even then, correspondents contacted my former colleague, and my friends in the media told me that everything would become known anyway. Our life has already changed irrevocably, as has the life of our parents.
- Then introduce yourself, please.
Andrey: I am Andrey Vaganov, I am 44 years old. I am the official and only legal representative of the children. In their birth certificate, instead of the mother, there is a dash, only I appear there. Although Zhenya is also perceived as a parent, and when talking with children, we act as parents.
I am a consultant and have been teaching at various universities for almost a quarter of a century. At top universities like the Higher School of Economics. Once I was the head of the department, but now I am a visiting teacher who is invited to non-standard courses, let's say so. Frankly, it was teaching that made me realize that I want children. About 20 years ago, even before my thirtieth birthday, I realized that my main motivation for lecturing is to convey knowledge, self-confidence, and worldview to young people.
- Was your orientation a secret at these universities?
Andrey: I have always had a simple "don't ask, don't tell" attitude, like the Americans. ("Don't ask, don't tell" - a principle in force in the US military from 1993 to 2010, according to which homosexuals were allowed to serve in the army only if they concealed their sexual orientation. - Rev. ). It is quite obvious that if I go into an audience with 300 people and according to statistics 4 gays, they understand everything in twenty minutes. One day, the dean got printouts of a closed student forum, where the girls discussed my appearance, and the boys told them that, they say, "it blooms not for you." No questions were asked, just the dean handed me printouts: "Read." Well, I read it, thanks, that's all.
Evgeniy: Andrei, of course, likes his mind. I know this because I was his student.
- Can you say a few words about yourself?
Evgeny: My name is Evgeny Erofeev, I am 32 years old. I have always worked only in banks since I was 18 years old. Currently unemployed. I met Andrey about 10 years ago, so our anniversary is coming soon.
Evgeny Erofeev with children Photo: PrivatDW: Andrey, that is, you are a young successful assistant professor, you want to convey your worldview and therefore you are going to adopt a child?
Andrey: Not everything is so fast. For five years I thought about it, including about surrogate motherhood. But then I realized that this format does not suit me, because I do not want to be a Sunday dad. At some point, I was about 35 years old, I decided to go into custody. It was almost a spontaneous decision. Walk-walk - hop, and went: "I'll adopt." And then it turned out that I collected all the documents in three weeks. It really was very simple. I come to the tuberculosis dispensary, there are twenty people in line, but the manager himself leads me by the hand to the fluorography. And the transcript, which is done for a week, is given to me in ten minutes.
- Is it because everyone understood the importance and wanted to help to adopt as soon as possible?
Andrew: Yes. And it was in every dispensary. In the Russian Federation, there are not many reasons for refusing adoption: this is health - that is, HIV, oncology, psychiatry, these are committed crimes against the person and outstanding convictions. Still need a small income, at the subsistence level, and living space. All. The only problem was getting an opinion that I could be an adoptive parent. Collected a whole commission. Ten women are sitting, asking why they wanted to adopt, why they are not married. I realized where everything was going and asked the chairperson in plain language if she suggested that I would fuck my own son. She said she didn't say that. Ten days later I had this conclusion.
- Did someone at this stage suggest that you are gay?
Andrei: I can't say that I'm very masculine, but I doubt that a fifty-year-old woman could see anything in me. It's not about that. I adopted in Kolomna, and was the first single male adopter there. And in our area in Moscow, too, the first. And all in Moscow by that time - only the fourth. Until now, in our country it is believed that a single man cannot adopt.
- What year was it?
Andrey: It was 2010. Denis was three and a half. The selection procedure itself is psychologically incredibly difficult. You come to a government institution, leaf through hundreds of photographs. I was kind of horrified. After two trips, I took a break for three months, I realized that I simply could not choose. It was something beyond. You sit and choose a child - and here they are, and there are hundreds of them. Three months later, I went to look at the database again, and Denis was there.
- Did Zhenya appear shortly after the adoption?
Andrey: Shortly before. With Zhenya, the situation was generally like in a movie. I invited him to curry on Saturday, he came to eat curry and on Sunday he stayed with me for good. It was September 19, and on October 5 I went to Denis. My wife was then 22 years old - I, frankly, had a little doubt.
- Zhenya, what was it like for you? Child at 22.
Eugene: It's okay, I live here. I didn't have any questions. I try to remember my emotions then, but no, there were no questions.
- Was the story of adopting a second child about the same?
Andrew: Approx. I again went into custody, quickly went through the formal procedures, called Kolomna. They said there was no one. But a few hours later they called back, they say that a boy has appeared. Well, that was Yura.
- What year is this?
Andrey: 2012. He was five and a half years old. Yura is younger than Denis by a year and a half.
- It turns out that you lived like an ordinary family until the authorities found out about you?
Andrey: In general, yes, but the clouds were gathering gradually. It was clear that the situation in the country was deteriorating. The first swallow is the law of Dima Yakovlev. At that moment, I started talking with Zhenya about the fact that we might need to leave the country. Zhenya was categorically against it then, he made a brilliant career. And then - the law on gay propaganda (a law establishing liability for the promotion of non-traditional sexual relations among minors. - Rev. ), and we immediately became people who violate the law. The situation began to deteriorate emotionally. Six months ago, the children mentioned that they began to tease them, they say, parents are motherfuckers. Before that, there were no questions from the children.
- Didn't you teach children to hide the fact that they have two dads?
Andrey: Never. Well, actually, their friends came to visit, everything is clear: here we are. In the end, we had a picture hanging over the matrimonial bed, where we were all four. Now we are very sorry that we did not take her with us. After the search, it may not have been left. The message was very simple: I don't want to drive children into the ghetto. I don't want them to have even a suspicion that we have an abnormal family. I never even said that we have a special family. He just said that families are different.
A family portrait that hung in the Moscow apartment of Andrey Vaganov and Yevgeny Erofeev Photo: Privat- So you didn't hide in Russia, but lived in an open gay marriage? And did it work?
Andrey: We are a normal family. We are very good parents, without any discounts. Parents to look for. Despite the fact that there are conflicts and excesses, and sometimes we do not know how to raise children. Nevertheless, we are conscious parents, so although we don’t have a rainbow flag hanging on our balcony, we didn’t hide. They lived an ordinary family life. They didn’t go to gay clubs because there was no time left for this, they didn’t fight for gay rights. I believe that it is necessary to fight for gay rights after citizens simply have rights. If in Moscow you cannot get together without the risk of being detained for a public action, well, what a pride.
- But at some point the authorities found out about you.
Andrey: First, the police. I have Yura registered with the police. He is such a resident of the ghetto, he normally swears, competently and to the point. He waits exclusively squatting. Behavior patterns were learned in the first family, we adopted him quite late. Until he grows up and the volitional component starts working, it breaks through. In April-May, he first got into the police and said that he lives with two dads. After that, we asked the children not to talk about it.
Eugene: Then for the first time I felt scared.
Andrei: At the same time, the children started having problems with their peers. Once I go into the nursery and hear how one of the other called gay. And I sat them down and said: "A strange insult, because Zhenya and I are gay." And Yura cried. He could not believe that they were called names like that, but we are. For them, our family was such a natural history that they somehow did not identify us. Well, then, a couple of months later, Yura ended up in Roshal's clinic with suspected appendicitis. I was also delighted, because this is a good clinic. In fact, there was no appendicitis, he just ate a kilogram of carrots and half a loaf of burnt bread, made toast for himself.
But on the day I was picking him up from the hospital, the district investigator of the Investigative Committee called me and said that he wanted to talk to me and the child. I asked Yura what he talked about with the doctor. He said that the doctor asked when mom would come, to which Yura replied that he had two dads. Yura immediately understood: he must have said something wrong. I reassured the child, let's go to the investigator. That hour I talked with Yura in the presence of a guardian representative. And, on the one hand, after the conversation, the investigator began to talk to me much friendlier, because he realized that the doctor's suspicions were not confirmed.
- So the doctor suspected that you had corrupted Yura?
Andrew: Yes. On the other hand, I saw that the investigator was nervous. They called him many times, a man came several times and demanded an urgent report. The investigator sent us for a forensic medical examination. I will not go into the description, this is a very unpleasant and shocking procedure for a child. Sexual offense check. We finished and went home. And while we were driving, the first publications in the media had already appeared.
- About what?
Eugene: A child in the hospital told about two dads, he reacted inadequately to the doctor's questions.
Andrey: Plus, the information quickly got to the Ombudsman for Children's Rights Anna Kuznetsova. She is actually the wife of an Orthodox priest. She turned to Bastrykin (Chairman of the Investigative Committee of Russia Alexander Bastrykin. - Ed. ) with a request to sort out the situation. It turned out that this case acquired a political context. The investigator told me in plain text that there was nothing in this case, he wanted to close the check as soon as possible and go to barbecue. But everything turned out differently.
- What did the examination show?
Andrey: We were told that her results would be in a month. I talked to a lawyer, and he told me directly that with a very high probability we would have to leave the country. I didn't believe. And then a representative of guardianship calls me and asks me to voluntarily give the children to a social rehabilitation center until the results of the examination come. I called the lawyer again, and he said: "Well, you have to go." Yura and I got together in an hour and a half and soon found ourselves outside the Russian Federation. And soon Denis, who was with my parents, was also transported there. At this time, the criminal investigation was already connected. I was threatened that a murder case would be opened against me.
- Murder of whom?
Andrey: Children, of course. They tell me: "Bring them, prove that they are alive." I refuse. They say, "Well, then you killed them." I say: "Good. True, from Agatha Christie I know that there is no corpse - there is no case." They answer: "Life is richer."
Eugene: I was alone in Moscow. And a week later I was watching a series in the evening, and suddenly they began to knock on my door. I immediately knew who it was. It was scary. No one shouted "police, open it", it was all silent: the door was cracking, I had a feeling that it could be broken down by force. Half an hour later they stopped knocking, went to my parents' house and conducted a search there. At the same time, the representative of the Investigative Committee was drunk. They were looking for children and also a marriage certificate in Danish. I left the house at night, spent the night in the car, took a shower at the sports club, arrived at work and quit within half an hour. And then my friends took me outside of Russia. And then a door was broken into our Moscow apartment, we were woken up at night by an alarm system, and a search was carried out there. They searched my parents, Andrei's parents and his other relatives.
- But only one criminal case has been initiated, due to the negligence of guardianship authorities. How are your relatives related to him?
Eugene: As a drunken representative of the Investigative Committee said when he searched my parents' house: "Our powers are extremely extensive." This phrase describes the whole thing: our powers are very extensive - we do what we want.
- That is, you went abroad with your children because you were persuaded to give them away under the threat of criminal prosecution?
Andrei: Several lawyers explained it to me very simply. Understanding the logic of the development of the situation, the following will happen: the children are seized, psychologists work with them for some time, and on the basis of communication with the children, they initiate a criminal case against me related to violence.
Eugene: With corruption.
Andrey: So I left for two reasons. Firstly, I did not understand how children could end up in an orphanage even for two weeks. Although family law lawyers assured that it would be for years. Even if the situation develops in your favor, you can’t get them out of there quickly. Secondly, I was directly told that I would be arrested on a criminal case related to child molestation. Two people gave exactly the same assessment and gave examples of real cases. That was enough for me to get ready in an hour and a half.
- Why is the Investigative Committee doing this?
Evgeniy: There is Kuznetsova, an influential person who begins to put pressure on the UK. They have to react in some way. And then there are also excellent comments by Matvienko (Chairman of the Federation Council Valentina Matvienko. - Ed. ). Literally a day and a half before this story, she says that homosexual couples should not have children, and the case immediately appears. People hear, they want to move up the career ladder. And then the third person in the country says such things.
- Do I understand correctly that in the gray zone of Russian legislation there was an opportunity for same-sex couples to adopt children and now they want to close this loophole?
Andrey: This is not a gray area of the legislation. The legislation is transparent and unambiguous, and there was no opportunity for gay couples to adopt. One person can adopt. This is very important, because from a legal point of view, Zhenya is an outsider for children. That is, this is not a gray area, this is not a loophole. There are a huge number of really single heterosexual women who adopt. And the risk of this situation is not that there are Zhenya and me or other gay couples. The problem is exactly that the current situation hits everyone. And it is clear that if the story of negligence reaches a negative end, then a witch hunt will begin.
Evgeny: In fact, gay couples who raise children are rare in Russia. There are much more lesbian couples, the ratio is 95 to 5. And these lesbian couples just basically have their own children, because they can give birth to them. But guardianship should also monitor them, because she is responsible not only for adopted children, but for everyone - even relatives.
Andrey: Guardianship is accused of overlooking it in connection with the promotion of non-traditional values. This means that, in fact, any couple of two women can be deprived of blood children. After all, they propagate these values with their lives. As we are. My photos have already appeared in telegram channels. And if you read the comments under articles about us in the media. ..
Eugene: ... burn, cut, kill everyone.
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Children of Dutch Gay Couples were more successful than their peers
Dutch children raised by homosexual couples study better than their peers raised by heterosexual couples. This conclusion was reached by scientists from the Catholic University of Leuven, who analyzed the assessments of more than 1.2 million 12-year-old children, of which 2.9thousands have been raised by same-sex couples. The reason for this connection, according to researchers, is the better socioeconomic conditions that homosexual parents provide for their children. Article published in American Sociological Review .
Citizens who oppose adoption by same-sex couples or simply do not support it exist in all countries, regardless of policies regarding sexual minorities. Therefore, same-sex families with children remain stigmatized, largely due to the belief that children growing up without a father or mother may be inferior to their peers in development or mental health (although researchers have shown many times that this is not the case).
Deni Mazrekaj from KU Leuven and colleagues decided to take a closer look at the development of children in same-sex couples and their peers from heterosexual families. Scholars have focused on the Netherlands, which on April 1, 2001 became the first country to officially allow same-sex marriage; at the same time, homosexual couples of the country were officially allowed to adopt children. According to data from 2017, Dutch citizens are also more relaxed than all Europeans about the adoption of children in same-sex relationships: of all citizens surveyed, 86 percent support the right of sexual minorities to adopt in part or in full.
The researchers collected data on just over 1.2 million Dutch children born between 1998 and 2007, of which 0.25 percent (2971 children) were raised by a same-sex couple. For each child, performance data was available: the researchers used the results of standardized school tests taken at 12 years of age. In the analysis, the researchers also took into account the annual income, education and age of the parents, as well as whether they are married and how many children were in the family.
It turned out that at 12 years of age, the scores of children raised by homosexual couples were 0. 139 standard deviations higher than their peers (p < 0.001). Adjusted for socioeconomic status, the difference became smaller (children from same-sex families scored higher by 0.054 standard deviations), but remained statistically significant (p < 0.01). Differences also persisted when taking into account whether the children lived with their parents from birth (although estimates for such children were higher), whether homosexual parents were married, and whether the child was adopted from another country.
In addition, the researchers also assessed the relationship between having children raised by same-sex parents and children receiving secondary education diplomas: it turned out that children from gay families were 4.8 percent more likely to receive a diploma than their peers.
Thus, Dutch children raised by same-sex couples actually learn better than their peers from heterosexual families. According to the authors, the most likely explanation is socioeconomic factors.