Dealing with an unplanned pregnancy

Coping with an Unplanned Pregnancy | Hopeline PRC

You weren’t expecting this; the pregnancy test is positive. You’re feeling so many emotions all at once. Where should you go from here?

Did you know, half of all pregnancies are unexpected, so it is natural for many women to wonder how to cope with an unplanned pregnancy. Like any big decision, it’s important to take time to process, accept, and decide what to do next.

Here are six steps that can help you cope with an unplanned pregnancy:

1. Acknowledge that you are in shock, and that’s okay

Unplanned pregnancy is shocking. It is not something you expected, planned for, or likely even thought about. It might take a few days for you to accept it, and that is okay. Give yourself time to process and take it in.

2. Allow yourself to be emotional

Let yourself feel the emotions as they come: anger, excitement, frustration, confusion, and all the others. Write down the emotions you experience, so that in a few days when the intensity has subsided, you can review them and figure out what you still feel about the pregnancy.

3. Face your doubts

Most women, whether their pregnancies are planned or unplanned, experience doubts about themselves and their ability to make a healthy pregnancy decision. It can be easy to let fears and doubts overwhelm you, but it is important to realize that those initial feelings are not enough to base your decision on. Acknowledge those feelings, but don’t let fear make your choice for you. Remember, you do not have to make a decision right away.

4. Visualize the different options

Take a step beyond fear and visualize each of the options you have. Imagine yourself at home with your baby. Picture grocery shopping and the routine parts of each day.

If you choose abortion, what emotions do you think you’ll feel a week after the abortion, a month after, when you hold your first child? If you’re considering adoption, can you picture yourself going through the process? How would that make you feel? Each of these decisions are difficult in their own way. Reaching out to a trained options counselor may help you navigate through this process.

5. Don’t let finances be your top concern

Finances are important, but they shouldn’t be the only factor you base your pregnancy decision on. There is a lot of help available to you. Hopeline offers resources and referrals to help women and men facing pregnancy decisions.

6. Find non-judgmental support

People have many thoughts and feelings about an unplanned pregnancy. It’s important that you find people who will offer encouragement and help if you need it. If you aren’t sure where to start, Hopeline can help you with free and confidential support throughout your pregnancy.

Hopeline has been serving pregnant women with no-cost and confidential care for over 30 years. Our staff is experienced in helping each woman who walks through our doors to cope with an unplanned pregnancy. Schedule an appointment at Hopeline and let us help you through your next steps.

Dealing with Unplanned Pregnancy: 7 Tips to Cope

An unplanned pregnancy can be an emotional ride, but with the proper support, you may be able to cope and make a decision that best supports what you desire.

The reality of an unplanned pregnancy is that you weren’t expecting it and now may be dealing with the anxiety and trepidation related to what having a baby could mean for you right now.

Maybe it’s bad timing. Or maybe you were done having kids or weren’t ready to consider becoming a parent.

Take a deep breath. Then consider trying to figure out how you’re going to move forward, be it choosing to continue the pregnancy or not. And consider navigating the changes to your relationships or emotional challenges.

When dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, it may help to know you aren’t alone.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that in 2008 over 50% of folks reported having an unwanted pregnancy. By 2011, the overall percentage dropped to 45%, but unwanted teen pregnancy remained at about 75%.

Unplanned pregnancy is common in partnered women. A study from 2017 broke down pregnancy intention into “planned,” “unplanned/happy,” “unplanned/ambivalent,” and “unplanned/unhappy.

At 9 months postpartum, the study reports that people who had “unplanned/unhappy” pregnancy experienced psychological distress at nearly double the rate of those who had a “planned” pregnancy.

There are several strategies available that may help you feel calm in the face of uncertainty, stress, and anxiety.

1. Get confirmation

It may not hurt to confirm you’re pregnant with a doctor. While home pregnancy tests are generally very reliable, a doctor can confirm the pregnancy with a blood test and do an ultrasound to see how far along the pregnancy is.

Seeing a doctor may also help you figure out a plan for the pregnancy. This may help you in making decisions about what you are going to do and may help you feel a bit more at ease.

2. Acknowledge you are in shock

It’s OK to be in shock. Shock can happen with any sudden, traumatic changes that may affect your life, like an unplanned pregnancy. You can – and probably should – give yourself some time to process before figuring out how you want to respond.

3. Let your emotions flow

You may feel a range of emotions following a positive pregnancy test as you process what’s going on. They may include:

fear
excitement
anger
confusion

It may help you to write them down and then try to process them at a later point in time. Reviewing the emotions felt may help you determine what you are currently feeling about the pregnancy.

4. Allow your thoughts to flow too

Along with your emotions, try to let your thoughts flow without judgment, no matter what you may be thinking. Your thoughts – even dark ones – won’t affect the pregnancy, don’t reflect on you as a person, or in any way reflect how you may be as a parent.

You may want to hold off on action until you’ve had a chance to fully process what you’re thinking and feeling. And again, that’s OK.

5. Consider support options

Now may be a good time for you to figure out who you can lean on for support. Your partner? Close friends? Family members? Or maybe you feel better speaking to a counselor about what you’re thinking and feeling.

No matter who you lean on, support should be unbiased and non-judgmental. You deserve that. No one should judge you, your feelings, or whatever choices you make regarding the pregnancy going forward.

You may also consider seeking a doula or midwife near you that can help you during this time.

6. Visualize your options

As you process your emotions, you may find really considering your options beneficial. You can try to visualize the following:

what will life with a new baby at home be like, changes to routine, and so on, acknowledging both the good and the bad
what will the adoption process be like should you decide to go down that path, and how will you feel
how will ending the pregnancy affect how you feel following the procedure, both in the short and long term

Like with other processes, you should try to go easy on yourself. You’re just considering the options you have and trying to figure out how you will feel about each choice.

You may also want to consider how each decision will affect any underlying condition you may be living with, such as depression and anxiety.

7. Don’t be afraid to accept help

Friends, family, and even some community members may be willing to help during your initial shock through the pregnancy. Support doesn’t always look the same, but it could include the following:

offering a friendly shoulder to cry on
financial support
offerings of food
help around the house

You can accept their help and still keep your decisions your own. Providing help doesn’t give permission to another person to dictate how you feel or the decisions you make.

In many parts of the United States, you have three options following an unplanned pregnancy. They include:

Become a parent

Assuming the pregnancy is healthy, you can follow it through to the end and bring home a new baby at the end. You should consider working with a doctor or other medical professional throughout the pregnancy to help ensure the health of the baby.

If you are worried about how to pay for the pregnancy, you can contact the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services at 1-800-311-BABY (1-800-311-2229) for help with finding reduced cost or free medical care or visit their website for other options.

Adoption

Adoption allows you to connect your baby with a family that will provide care for your unborn child. The adoption process involves several legal processes, and working with a reputable agency can help guide you through it. You can start your search for agencies here.

Abortion

Abortion is a complicated legal option depending on your location, but it’s still available in different areas of the country and may be the right answer for you.

If you’re considering abortion, you can use this finder to help you find abortion centers in your state or nearby states, as well as up-to-date information on the legality in each state.

Pregnancy is big news that can affect both you and your partner no matter where you are in your relationship. You can take steps to maintain a healthy relationship. Here are some tips:

Give them space: Give your partner space to process their emotions, too, so you can discuss them together at a later point.
Discuss the options: Take time to discuss your options with your partner, letting them know how you feel about each option and listening without judgment about what they are thinking about each option.
Develop a plan together: Once you’ve discussed your options, you can start to develop a plan to move ahead. If you do this together, it may help strengthen your bond and help each other cope.
Consider counseling: If you find you’re drifting apart or not seeing eye to eye, you may find that counseling may help. Counseling can help you and your partner communicate more effectively and possibly better understand where they are coming from.

When you get a positive home pregnancy test or find out at a routine medical appointment, try to take some time to process the news. Nothing is going to change immediately, so you do have some time to process what you’re thinking and feeling.

As you start to process the news, you can work with your partner or with friends and family if you’d like to determine what you’re going to do. No matter what you choose, you should feel confident in your decision.

For those who dare...

Publication date: December 18, 2019 . Category: News and announcements.

The problem of motherhood in modern society has long ceased to be an individual problem. For some time now, in Russia, the issues of supporting motherhood have become related to national security factors. But there is a special category of pregnant women - these are women who, for some reason, find themselves on the verge of a cruel choice and begin to lean towards the idea that a possible way out of their crisis situation may be the decision to voluntarily give up motherhood. And they see this way out for themselves in abortion. Soviet Russia was the first to legalize abortion in 1920. At the time, Russia was the first and only country in the world to have such a loose abortion law. In the 20s of the last century, there was no other effective method of birth control, except for the widespread use of induced abortions.

Thus, starting from the 20s of the 20th century in Russia, a hitherto unprecedented special "abortion culture" was formed - society's adaptation and getting used to the widespread production of abortions as the main or even the only way to regulate the number of children in the family. Russian women, almost all of them, have a large number of abortions in their family (great-grandmothers, grandmothers, mothers) and this is probably why many of them still treat abortion as a common medical procedure, displacing the moral aspect of this action. nine0005

The problems that pregnant women who have an abortion face are not so much material as ethical and psychological. They are associated with the inability to build a defense in a situation of psychological violence in the family, a violation of emotional relations with the mother, self-doubt. Often a woman finds herself in a dense ring of aggressive relatives, colleagues, friends, who tell her: “Why do you need to worry? Why breed poverty?

nine0002 Women themselves cite the following as reasons pushing them to accept the idea of abortion:

1. Material and housing problems

2. Fear of physical and moral difficulties

3. Dysfunctional relationships in the family

4. Child out of wedlock

A woman's negative attitude towards pregnancy may be based on a number of factors:

1. Age (too "young" or "old")

nine0002 2. First pregnancy, fear of childbirth, psychological unpreparedness for the role of mother.

3. Unplanned pregnancy. Having become pregnant by accident, a woman is confused. An unplanned pregnancy is never "nice".

4. Violation of contacts, plans related to education, career, vacation, etc.

5. History of severe pregnancy and/or childbirth.

6. Presence of an infant and fatigue from social isolation

7. Fear of depriving a child who is already in the family of any benefits

8. If the mother is aggressive towards the father of the child

9. Negative attitude towards the birth of a child on the part of the woman's inner circle

10. Psychological pressure on a woman. Most often, the mother of a pregnant woman or the father of a child acts as an opponent of the birth of a child. Direct active pressure is carried out in the form of repeated demands to terminate the pregnancy, accompanied by threats about what actions will follow if the woman decides to give birth. nine0005

11. Abortion for medical reasons should be noted separately. This is a difficult situation in a woman's life, especially if the child was desired.

12. Another difficult focus on this topic is juvenile abortion. For a young organism, it is especially harmful and gives more complications, both physical and psychological.

Features of the mental state of a woman during the period of making a decision to terminate/preserve pregnancy are as follows:

nine0002 1.

Confusion and shock. A woman cannot cope with the unexpected news that "fell" on her, it is difficult for her to immediately orient herself in a new, unplanned situation.

2. Inconsistency. In the mind of a woman, the alternative of abortion / childbirth is always presented as two possible scenarios. A woman, even inclining to the idea of terminating a pregnancy (or claiming that she "already decided everything"), cannot completely reject or ignore, not consider the possibility of saving the pregnancy and the life of the child. In her heart she continues to waver. A woman who intends to terminate a pregnancy is, first of all, a suffering person. nine0005

3. "Tunnel consciousness". A person gets lost and sees only one of the many possible scenarios for the development of events (as if he is in a tunnel). For example, a wife, having quarreled with her husband, decides to terminate the pregnancy without even trying to reconcile with him.

4. Alarm. A woman preparing for an abortion experiences a lot of anxiety and fear. The woman's fears are based on real difficulties, but most often, they are greatly exaggerated.

5. Depression and emotional instability. This is partly a reaction to stress, partly a physiological condition associated with pregnancy and due to hormonal changes. This is especially true for women, who, even before pregnancy, were characterized by impulsiveness, instability of emotions. nine0005

6. Denial. In most cases, women do not want to hear anything about the possible consequences of this procedure for their health, about how abortion can affect the woman's mental state and relationships in her family.

7. Loneliness. No matter what the woman refers to, arguing the decision to terminate the pregnancy, no matter how the circumstances of her life develop, no matter how many people from her environment support her, the decision is still made by her alone. The woman is responsible for him, and it is she alone who will have to undergo medical intervention. nine0005

Women who decide to have an abortion most often face the following problems: is the man next to her, is her relationship with her family members satisfied, is there anyone to rely on among friends and relatives. The question is raised about the possibility and permissibility of frivolous sexual behavior. An important person who influences a woman in pre-abortion counseling is a gynecologist. This is the person to whom the pregnant woman turns not only for direction, but also for advice (consciously or unconsciously). The optimal behavior of the doctor in such a situation would be to inform the patient in detail about the consequences of an abortion, refer him for psychological counseling in order to discuss and alleviate existing personal and family problems, inform about the possibility of receiving social and legal assistance, as well as providing some time (recently this is a "week of silence ”) so that the woman could rethink her decision in the light of new information. When a woman turns to a psychologist at her own request, then the possibility of maintaining pregnancy in such situations is greater than if a woman came to see a psychologist not of her own free will, but according to the work algorithm built in the LCD. The internal work of a woman on the way to making a decision on the safety of pregnancy lies, first of all, in the full awareness of the consequences of a particular decision. The consequences should be considered both from a pragmatic point of view - convenience, financial costs, a blow to one's own health, the risk of becoming unable to bear children, and from a moral and psychological point of view. The opportunity to accept the responsibility of motherhood, on the one hand, or, having refused the birth of a child, to live with the knowledge of this fact and the potential feeling of guilt and grief, on the other. nine0005

Mandatory pre-abortion counseling at the present time, including a conversation with a doctor, psychologist, optionally a lawyer and a social worker, is not aimed at infringing on a woman's rights, but only at making her make a decision, weighing all the real consequences of her choice, to provide a woman with support in a crisis situation.

A woman who has received all the necessary information, faced with the indifferent and informal work of a doctor and psychologist, even if she has an abortion, in the future will have a different attitude towards the situation of a possible conception and the situation of a subsequent, possibly also unexpected pregnancy. Perhaps she will be able to dissuade her friend, sister from having an abortion, to provide active support for her daughter, who finds herself in a similar situation. The percentage of women who changed their mind in favor of maintaining pregnancy fluctuates around 12-15%. This is not much, but depending on what to compare with. Probably, even one saved life is already the fruitful work of a psychologist and a doctor. nine0005

The publication was prepared based on the materials of the Ural Institute for Advanced Studies and Retraining, Perm, clinical psychologist Kholgovoy I.V.

Prevention of unintended pregnancy in teenage girls The number of early pregnancies and childbirth among adolescents is increasing every year. One of the negative aspects of early pregnancy is the harm to the health of a teenage mother and her child. nine0005

According to medical indicators, early pregnancy is considered to occur in a girl under the age of eighteen. Only by the age of eighteen, the girl’s body is already sufficiently formed and completely ready for bearing and giving birth to a baby. The negative aspects of early pregnancy include the fact that 70% of pregnancies in adolescents end in abortions, and about 15% are miscarriages. And only 15% of girls can safely bear and give birth to babies.

Pregnancy in adolescent girls aged 13-17, from a psychological point of view, has a destructive effect on the development of their emotional-volitional sphere, value orientations, the formation of sexual and maternal behavior. nine0005

Early pregnancy and childbirth in adolescence disrupt the psychophysiological growth and development of girls. In addition, pregnancy creates for them a special situation of psychological discomfort, the consequences of which either form a sense of guilt, shame, an inferiority complex, or encourage even greater liberation from normative behavior appropriate for this age. The experiences of a teenage girl associated with her pregnancy also aggravate relations with parents, who most often take repression against their child and arrange family scandals. Not in the best position is the young father, who is simply not yet able to take on such a burden of responsibility. In our opinion, the relationship between the change in the moral and social state of adolescent youth and the growth of premarital sexual relations in this age group is clearly visible, which in turn can lead to early marriages. nine0005

Early sexual activity has many negative consequences, primarily sexually transmitted diseases and early pregnancy. To prevent such a negative phenomenon as early motherhood, it is necessary to conduct a huge preventive, informational and educational work among adolescents.

Early initiation of sexual relations, combined with a low level of knowledge in this area, poor awareness of means and methods of contraception and insufficient use of them, leads to an increase in the number of pregnancies among adolescents and, as a result, to an increase in the number of abortions, adverse birth outcomes and worsening of reproductive adolescent health. Lack of knowledge about contraceptives is a high risk of unwanted pregnancy. Moreover, the younger the age of adolescents, the more often they have abortions. nine0005

Today, the situation in Belarus is characterized by a low level of awareness of adolescents about family planning, sexuality, sexually transmitted diseases, methods of effective complex contraception, safer sex, etc.

Sexuality education will help to avoid problems associated with adolescent sexuality. But the question is not to "protect" from knowledge about one's sexuality or to inform about the possibility of contracting STIs, increasing the likelihood of "infection" while intoxicated, about HIV / AIDS. Most researchers in sex education see not only information on biology and contraception. The main thing is to bring up positive standards among the younger generations and give the foundations of morality: the formation of the values of a healthy lifestyle, the self-worth of children, a conscious attitude towards parenthood, positive marriage and family attitudes, and a culture of gender relations. nine0005

Sex education is not limited to issues of contraception and protection from diseases, but acts as part of the process of personality formation, it includes not only health problems, but also moral, legal, cultural and ethical aspects. It is also undeniable that an increase in the contraceptive culture contributes to a decrease in the number of abortions. However, the following questions remain unresolved and relevant to date. Do teenagers know where they can get help or advice? Will girls go to a doctor's consultation without fear that they will find out about her problem in the small town where she lives? Do teenagers look up information about effective methods of contraception on Internet portals before having sex? nine0005

We should not forget that sexuality education is a guarantor of the social well-being of young people and future generations. This is the only way to achieve positive results in solving the problem. Health protection really starts with information. But children should not be informed about gender issues on the street. Everything starts in the family. And they can get answers to more specific questions from doctors.

Today we must speak loudly about the role of the family, about the responsibility not only of mothers, but also of fathers. Unfortunately, today not only young people are illiterate in matters of their reproductive behavior, but often their parents are not well aware of the issues of sexual education. Often girls do not know what the menstrual cycle is, when it should come. It's bad when a girl is left alone with her problem. nine0005

The experience of generations of different years shows that no matter how strictly a young girl is brought up, early pregnancy is still possible. At the same time, the more socially inexperienced the girl is, the greater the tragedy for her this turns out to be. There can be only one alternative to such a situation: girls who have reached the age of twelve or thirteen should be told in an accessible form about gender relations, means of preventing unwanted pregnancy, and the consequences of sexually transmitted diseases.