Carrying someone else baby

True Stories About Real Women Who Carried Someone Else's Baby

A generation ago, the few surrogacy stories you heard about were hush-hush because the process was not well defined legally. Nowadays, having a baby for someone else is becoming more common. In most states, it’s fully legal for a woman to serve as a gestational carrier, and give birth to a child with whom she has no genetic connection.

Four factors have worked together to transform the idea of carrying someone else’s baby from a rarity into a commonplace occurrence.

First, the legal changes in the definition of marriage now mean that two men, two women, and single people can form families with donor sperm and/or eggs.

Second, international adoption, which was a popular option for US couples, is becoming much more restricted.

Third, the science of transferring healthy embryos into a gestational carrier is highly safe and effective.

Finally, almost every U.S. state now allows compensated surrogacy.

So, what about women who become surrogates? It’s true that most surrogate contracts provide for financial compensation, but that factor is usually far down the list of reasons that women become surrogates.

We chatted with four women who several years ago decided that having a baby for someone else was the right thing to do. Their names have been changed to protect anonymity.

Note that carrying a baby for another person is not only a personal, emotional relationship, but also a legal one in which both parties sign confidentiality agreements. That’s why many of the stories you read about women having a baby for someone else use pseudonyms and don’t mention the specific geographic locations of the surrogates’ or intended parents’ residences.

Here are the four surrogacy stories, in question-and-answer format, just as we conducted the original interviews:

One: Nancy D., surrogate for a single mother.

Question: So, what was your initial impulse to do this? What made you say to yourself, “I want to be a surrogate“?

Nancy: It wasn’t an overnight decision for me because I had been thinking about it for a few years, ever since I had my own three children. All those births were super-easy and uncomplicated. My husband and I just thought, “You know what, now that our family is complete, why don’t we help someone else who wants children but can’t have them for whatever reason?”

Question: Did you know how to get started with the process, know how to contact an agency?

Nancy: Are you kidding? This was several years ago, when surrogacy wasn’t as well known as it is today. The few surrogate situations I had heard about were private contracts between couples and a surrogate.

So, based on the fact that I basically knew nothing about the process, believe it or not I went online and looked at sites that listed work from home jobs for moms. Do you believe it! I was actually trolling personal ad sections, but came up empty-handed.

Question: So, what did you do after checking out personal sites?

Nancy: Fortunately, I had an old friend from school who was a pediatric nurse and she told me about how the entire system was so organized, safe, and streamlined today. So I was glad to get connected with a surrogacy agency that had experience and solid credentials. They helped me find a single mother who really needed my help, who had zero chance of having children without a surrogate.

Question: What happened next?

Nancy: Well, after looking at the bios of about a dozen couples and single people who were looking for a surrogate, my husband and I chose a woman whose story really resonated with us. She is a very serious-minded woman who was a consultant and wanted to be a mom more than anything else.

She made the decision, after two gone-bad relationships, that raising a child by herself was the way to go. So, she found a sperm donor, used her own eggs, and, as she says, was “two-thirds of the way through the process” of having her own child. The missing link was me, a willing, healthy surrogate.

Question: So you weren’t carrying a baby for another couple but for a single person. Did that make a difference in your mind, and emotionally, about the choice to carry a child to term for another person?

Nancy: Not really. I saw it as a chance to help someone who wanted to start a family. My husband and I could easily have chosen someone else, a couple, or whoever. But he and I were deciding together, and when we got to her bio, her story just instantly clicked for both of us. We looked at each other and said, “This is the one.”

Question: Do you think that having a baby for someone else is a universal emotion for most women?

Nancy: Not really. I think it’s a lot like the decision to get married or choose a particular career. Some people feel strongly about being a surrogate, but for others, there’s no impulse to do it.

Question: What advice would you give other women who have the thought, “I want to be a surrogate”?

Nancy: Do your homework. Let the idea sink in. Don’t make any impulsive decisions. Even though it’s safe and can change your life for the better, carrying someone else’s baby is a major decision. If you have a partner, be sure they’re okay with the idea because you’re going to need that support through the pregnancy.

And after a lot of soul-searching and consideration, if you feel like getting more information and moving forward, speak with a counselor at a surrogacy agency. They’ll help you come to the right decision and they shouldn’t pressure you to choose for or against becoming a surrogate.

Two: Myrnah L., surrogate for a young couple.

Question: So, you told us already that this is your third time to be a surrogate. How did you first get interested in the idea?

Myrnah: My situation was that I had completed my own family and just loved the idea of giving birth. So, my husband and I decided that surrogacy would be a wise option.

Question: What about the pregnancy itself? Any complications or second thoughts on your first surrogacy?

Myrnah: No. I viewed the whole thing as an adventure. Yeah, I had up and down days during the pregnancy, but knew what to expect. What I didn’t expect was to give birth to twins. When I learned it was going to be a twin birth, I was thrilled to phone the intended parents and tell them. In their eyes, this was like hitting the jackpot, to put it bluntly.

Surrogacy is still pretty new, and most people don’t know much about it, except for a random article they’ve read online or a movie-of-the-week on cable, or seeing a documentary. There’s a lot of misinformation out there, let me tell you.

Question: Like what?

Myrnah: Don’t get me started! (laughing) I’ve heard it all, all the crazy, uninformed questions. But I’m glad to answer them and dispel the myths and misinformation. I think the more real data and facts people get about surrogacy, the better. So I always bite my lip and answer any questions people ask me.

By far, the most common one is, “Aren’t you sad when you have to ‘give up’ the baby after giving birth?” To that, I just say a flat, “No, I’m not. The emotional bond I feel most is with the intended parents. If you go into the situation with your head on right, you don’t have a deep emotional bond with the baby. Mostly, that’s because you have zero genetic connection with the child. It belongs to someone else.” That’s how I answer that question, and, for sure, it’s the one I hear the most.

Question: What’s the other thing people ask you that makes you kind of wince when you hear it?

Myrnah: Probably this one, which I hear from young people. “Is surrogacy when you get paid for a baby?” That one really gets me going because I’ve known a lot of surrogates from chat rooms and my community, and not one of them looked at the financial compensation as a motivation to get involved with surrogacy.

You know what? All surrogates undergo a thorough financial check, and if they’re not stable in that regard, then they are not considered suitable for the process. And that’s a good thing, because you don’t want people who are money-motivated to become surrogates.

Three: Katherine A., surrogate for a couple.

Question: What was the most difficult part of the surrogacy for you? This was your first time, right?

Katherine: Yes, this past journey was my first, but it won’t be my last because it was such a positive experience. You asked what? “The most difficult part?” Well, even though I’m totally healthy and generally love being pregnant, I’m not a big fan of morning sickness, but that’s just part of the journey. You know, life’s ups and downs and all that stuff.

Question: Do you have a relationship with the couple now?

Katherine: Yes, we’ve stayed pretty close on social media and we get together a couple times per month for lunch. They happen to live nearby. I know some surrogates who never socialize with the intended parents, which is okay. Everybody has their own way of doing things, their own way of being comfortable with surrogacy. I and the parents happen to enjoy each other’s company and share a deep bond that we both appreciate.

Question: When was the first time you ever heard about surrogate mothers?

Katherine: See, I was a child of the 1980s, so I remember all those TV specials and documentaries about “surrogate motherhood,” which was a new thing then and considered very mysterious. But, to tell the truth, when I was in college I saw an internet ad that said, “Work from home jobs for moms,” and wondered what it was all about.

Question: When you look back on that ad, does it seem strange?

Katherine: Oh, wow! Strange is not the word. Crazy is more like it. First off, being a surrogate is not a job, work from home or otherwise. It’s a life choice, and a serious one at that. A work from home job is something like making crafts or preparing tax returns.

Surrogacy is a deeply rewarding, personal experience that brings the gift of life to people who otherwise would not be able to have families. Calling it a job is sort of a joke. Fortunately, there aren’t many of those ads today because we have reputable surrogacy agencies to match women up with people who want to start their own families.

Four: Loretto K., surrogate for a single man.

Question: You chose to help a single man become a father and start his own family. How did you make that choice?

Loretto: Well, the agency showed me several profiles of people they thought I would be interested in helping, based on what I had filled out on my own written interview form. This man had been married for two years, but his wife passed away as a result of breast cancer. He had waited a few years and decided the time was right to have a child, but he decided that marriage wasn’t for him. He wanted to raise a child by himself, at least for now.

Question: So, it was his personal story that compelled you to help carry the child?

Loretto: Yes. He used eggs from a family friend and the resulting embryo was implanted in me. I had a relatively uneventful pregnancy, and now he’s the very proud, happy father of a baby girl, whom he named after his deceased wife.

Question: Do you think you’ll be a surrogate again?

Loretto: I’m not sure. For me, it’s all about timing, feeling like I want to carry a child, and finding just the right situation where I think I can truly help someone who wants a family. Maybe in a year or two I’ll give it another go. The agency I work with is really great. Whenever I contact them and say, “What have you got?” they show me a few profiles and I think about it. But so far, for the past year, I haven’t even looked at any intended parent profiles because I just feel like taking a pause for a year or so.

Question: What would you say to women, single or married, who are considering carrying a baby for someone else?

Loretto: First things first. Get informed. Find out how the process works. Speak with someone at an agency and learn about the mechanics of the process. That sort of makes it real for you, and you start to absorb the idea that, yes, there are lots of people out there who can’t start their own families and are willing to hire someone to carry a baby for them. It’s actually quite a beautiful, wonderful thing that there are agencies who can match those folks up with women who are willing to carry someone else’s baby.

Question: Any warnings?

Loretto: If you decide to move forward, get expert help through a licensed organization, a respected agency that has experience doing matches and following through with the intended parents and the surrogates. The key thing to look at is whether the agency you work with takes good care of you while you’re pregnant and is available 24/7 with answers, medical support connections, and whatever you need.

Carrying someone else’s baby is a big responsibility, but it’s also a life-changing process. At least it was for me. I have a whole new respect for parents and families now, even more than I did before I helped a widower have the family he always dreamed of having.

All About Surrogacy

Andrea Hoshmand Mcafee

Andrea is the Founder and Director of the Surrogacy Center of Philadelphia. She entered the world of assisted reproduction over twenty years ago as a three-time egg donor. The experience profoundly impacted her, and she maintains contact with her recipient families to this day. Andrea started the Hawaii Surrogacy Center, which is the leading provider of surrogacy services in her home state. Upon relocating to Pennsylvania, she sought to provide the same warm and highly personalized service to families in the Greater Philadelphia region.

My wife is carrying someone else’s baby (A husband’s perspective)

Families are such an integral part of the surrogacy process! We are grateful for Jessica’s husband, Eric, and his willingness to share about his experience supporting his wife.

Q: What were your thoughts when you first heard that Jessica wanted to be a surrogate and carry a baby for someone else?

A: Jessica is really good at explaining things. I had no clue surrogacy was even done that much in the U.S. My first thoughts were, why take the risk; anything could happen when you put yourself in that situation. My second thought was, how are you going to feel after delivery, are you going to want to keep the baby? Are you going to be mentally okay letting the baby that you carried 9 months go? She knew all the risk, and assured me she would be fine after delivery. We had already decided we didn’t want any more kids, so I guess that made that part a bit easier for her. She was very passionate about doing this, and really like the thought of helping someone that couldn’t carry a baby. After a few more discussions and weighing out the pros and cons, I told her it’s her body, and I would support whatever she wanted to do. I would do everything I could to help along the way.

Q: Were your extended family and your friends supportive? Did they ask you any uncomfortable questions, and if so, how did you answer?

A: I thought my family would be supportive, but they all surprised us. They took it way better than I thought they would have. Everyone was so interested and thought Jessica was an amazing person for doing this for someone. This was the same for all my close friends, very supportive. Of course, lots of questions, but we were very open with the whole situation and answered every question. Jessica transferred right before I flew to St Louis for my company Christmas party. She decided to skip that one, since the transfer was three days before I flew. Everyone asked where Jessica was, so I went ahead and let everyone know, and that weekend we talked more about Jessica being a surrogate than anything else. Again, everyone was so interested and just thought Jessica was a great person to do this.

Q: How did you explain surrogacy to your kids?

A: Our daughter, Shelby was 7 at the time of the first surrogacy. We explained that Mama was pregnant but the baby wasn’t ours. She was just carrying the baby for someone that really wanted a baby, but couldn’t have one on their own. Shelby thought this was great, and was so proud of Jessica for doing this for someone. Our son Evan was only 2 at the time, so we didn’t have to explain much to him. Once Jessica started showing we talked to him more about Mama having a baby in her tummy.

Q: Did you meet the IPs? How was that for you?

A: Yes, the first time we met was after the embryo transfer. They came to our house, and I thought it would be awkward, but it wasn’t. They were really nice people, and our kids loved them. They even came to Shelby’s soccer game while they visited.

Q: Were you in the delivery room? Tell us how that was for you.

A: Yes, I was in the delivery room. I wanted to be there to support Jessica and do anything I could for her, just like I did when she had our own kids. The parents were also in the delivery room. Jessica wasn’t sure how she would feel about that, but by the time she delivered the baby, we had gotten to know the parents pretty well. That seemed perfectly normal, not strange at all having them in there. I mean it was their baby, and especially being their first, that’s something we thought they should be apart of.

Q: What would you want other partners of surrogates (who are new to the process) to know — any advice to share?

A: I would say just be open about it, explain the situation and how the process works. You will be surprised how people are interested and impressed that you and your wife can do this for someone else, or at least that’s how it went for us.

Q: Anything else you want to add?

A: My wife is on her second journey, and we have had a great experience with both sets of parents. Both have been great and so grateful for what you’re doing for them. It’s a life experience that I’m really glad that Jessica decided to do, not only for Jessica and me, but also for both of our kids. They got to meet the parents and hold the baby; I believe it was a good life experience for them as well.

interpretation of dreams about a baby

A charming, healthy and active baby makes us smile in real life, and in a dream such a plot promises good events. Such a dream becomes a harbinger of happiness and prosperity, most often it concerns changes in family life, and it can also serve as a sign that you should expect replenishment. To find out more precisely what the baby is dreaming of, it is worth recalling all the circumstances, especially paying attention to your role and behavior in it. Various interpreters, explaining the dream, pay attention to the emotions that you and the child experienced, and to what exactly happened in the dream.

In this case, the value will depend on the appearance of the child, his mood and condition. It is also important to understand who exactly sees such a dream: for men and women, its meaning will be different.

We offer to consider the interpretation of sleep in the most common traditions. And let warnings and omens help you fully face possible troubles and not miss pleasant events.

Baby in Miller's dream book

The interpreter considers such a dream auspicious. In his opinion, such a vision promises an unexpected pleasant surprise. In order to understand the meaning of sleep, you need to remember what exactly you did with the baby. If the dreamer happened to bathe the child, this is a good sign, you will be able to find a way out of the difficult situation in which you find yourself right now.

Also an auspicious dream, in which the dreamer is standing near the crib with a newborn, he predicts pleasant chores. Pure love is promised by a dreaming well-groomed and neat child. But if in a dream the baby cries or whimpers, you will be disappointed in life or have health problems. Be careful and try to see a doctor for an examination.

There are several more dream plots with a baby, which are considered as an unfavorable sign. Mental suffering and sadness portends a dream where you lull a baby who looks sick and is full of heat. And a dream about how you are trying to comfort a roaring baby, but all to no avail, makes you think that you are afraid of the problems that you encountered in reality.

If someone else's child is in your arms, this indicates that others around you are trying to use you for their own purposes. Don't let that happen, and if the claims get too pushy, explain your position and show that you're not ready to let your good attitude be abused.

Another possible dream plot: you have lost your baby and cannot find it. This means that in reality there are difficult tasks to be solved.

Baby in Tsvetkov's dream book

Such a dream suggests that the dreamer will soon have an unexpected turn in life. It will be an amazing event that will definitely please. But trouble predicts a dream in which the infant was completely naked.

If in a dream you feed your child with breast milk, this portends a bright streak in life and joyful events that were not even expected.

In a dream, you can just see how a nursing baby drinks milk from the breast, this is a sign from your subconscious. It says that you are experiencing a lack of care from loved ones and want attention and love.

A baby in Natalia Stepanova's dream book

A baby in a dream promises good turns on the path of life, which will certainly await in the near future. Expect pleasant surprises and be prepared to gratefully accept them.

A dream can have an interesting meaning if a woman herself sees herself as a baby. This may mean that she will be accused of other people's sins or that she helps other people to sin. Be careful and don't let your reputation be tarnished.

If you had a chance to bathe a baby in a dream, it means that you will get out of the confusing situation in which you find yourself with honor.

An infant in Hasse's dream book

The main meaning of such a dream is a hint that the dreamer has enough mental strength to meet any life events with all his fortitude.

An infant in Enigma's dream book

If an infant talks a lot, this indicates that various kinds of gossip are going around. People who are envious of you slander and try to cast a shadow on you.

But if you lull a baby to sleep, it means that you will want to help the person and it is better not to give up this idea: your ward is an honest person and needs support.

A baby in Aesop's dream book

The author of this dream book suggests that a baby says that some important situation haunts you. You constantly think about it, look for solutions, consider it from all sides. Try to understand what exactly is so disturbing, and if you can’t find a solution yourself, turn to the people around you for advice.

Holding an infant in your arms and trying to get him to sleep? A thorny path to success awaits you, on which you have to work hard to achieve the desired result.

In a dream, you can also feed a child - this, according to the interpreter, means that you will have to take on certain responsibilities that will require you to work hard, but then bring material gain and spiritual satisfaction.

Baby in the Women's Dream Book

Such a dream portends a pleasant surprise in real life, which will be encountered in the very near future. It is best if the babies in your dream are smiling and happy with life. But crying crumbs are a sign that in real life you can meet disappointments. A sick baby can be a harbinger of health problems for your friends.

What is the gender of the dreamed baby? A strong and healthy baby is a herald of material family well-being. Your budget is waiting for unexpected infusions. Conversely, a sick baby says that he will face financial difficulties.

And a little unexpected fact: if in a dream a baby soiled diapers, this is a good sign, you will receive a reward and unplanned income.

If you have an adult son and you saw him as a baby, this means that he will need help in the real world.

A baby girl dreams of good news. If the dreamer is a man, then he can safely take on any business, because success will surely await him. But for a young girl, such a dream promises a bright meeting with her loved one.

Why does a woman dream about a baby? If you are thinking about pregnancy, proceed without a doubt - everything will work out. And if a mother dreams of a baby, this means that children will bring her joyful news, she will have reasons for pride. If a woman plays with a baby, then this says that she will be made a good job-related offer.

Why a man sees a dream about a baby

For a representative of the stronger sex, such a dream is a prediction of success, a sign that he will have to overcome possible difficulties in business.

If you had a chance to see a baby girl in a dream, this indicates that there is a need to solve a difficult task ahead. But you are waiting for new acquaintances that will help you achieve success.

If you had to hold a baby in your arms, then this may indicate imminent fatherhood. But if in a dream you watch how a baby is fed, this portends career growth.

Astrologer's comment

Elena Kuznetsova, Vedic astrologer, female psychologist :

Children in astrology are associated with the most favorable planet - Jupiter and with the house of luck and creativity. This planet gives us children, material well-being, protection from troubles, for a woman - a husband. A child is a joy, a new life, the potential for growth, which is inherent in the little man. Therefore, seeing a child in a dream can be a very auspicious sign. You can expect new events that will bring a lot of joy. There may be an improvement in the financial situation. Perhaps the subconscious is signaling you about the creative potential that it is time to realize in life. It is important what feelings the child evokes and in what state you dreamed about him. If the child demanded attention to himself, take a closer look at which side changes are knocking into your life, but you don’t notice them. And it’s very good if you are happy with the child and accept it, then you are ripe for change and expect pleasant surprises soon.

What does a child dream about in a dream: meanings

Published: May 25, 2020, 18:56

Children at sunset: UGC

Have you seen a baby in a dream and don't know what the secret message is encoded in this image? An interpreter of dreams will come to the rescue. I'll tell you in detail, to what the child is dreaming of.

Why does a child dream: Vanga's dream book

Did children dream? So, it's time to reevaluate the relationship with the household, to analyze the actions and words spoken to them. Children in a dream are a signal that harmony is broken in the family.

To decipher the meaning of the message, remember the details of the dream:

A dream in which a child plays with you means that in the near future it will not be possible to change jobs, although in the future it expects a profitable offer from employers.
Children are crying - a warning sign that relatives will cause trouble.
A group of children promises minor troubles that will pile up like a mountain and take time.
If you are looking for a child, then in life you cannot make a choice or take an important step that will change your destiny.
If you see a small disabled child in a dream, it is a reason to think about your own behavior and bad habits.
Why is a little child dreaming? If you saw yourself small in a dream, then you are behaving irresponsibly. This will lead to failures and conflicts with relatives.

Baby in mother's arms: Pixabay

Do you want to know what a pregnant child dreams about? The meaning depends on how and in what way the woman saw the baby:

in the arms of her husband - there will be a boy, in herself - a girl;
saw a boy - expect unforeseen circumstances during childbirth, a girl - give birth easily;
sick or dirty child - to complications during pregnancy and childbirth;
healthy and strong newborn - to material well-being.

If you are breastfeeding a baby, expect wealth and good luck.

What is the dream of a small child: dream book of Nostradamus

Did a child dream? Look into the interpreter of dreams of Nostradamus. The scientist and magician associated the appearance of images of children in dreams with human experiences, uncertainty, fear of making a responsible decision:

Holding a child in your arms in a dream means that you show indecision in life. You think that the situation in which you find yourself is hopeless and hopeless.
To see a crying child in a dream - harm the future with your actions.
See yourself small in a dream - it's time to analyze and re-evaluate your life.
Lost a child - in reality, you are trying to find lost hope.

Reading girl: Pixabay

Also Nostradamus gives an answer to the question of why a sick child dreams:

baby with disabilities, mental or physical disabilities - the Earth is threatened with a global catastrophe;
a harlot with a dirty, sick baby in her arms - people will contract a terrible disease, and humanity will be on the verge of extinction.

A strong, laughing baby symbolizes a happy era in people's lives: there will be no poverty, wars and hunger, love will reign in the world, children will be born. A child running across the field - to spiritual enlightenment, the emergence of a wise generation.

What a small child dreams about: Freud's dream book

Sigmund Freud identified the images of children that appear in dreams, regardless of gender, with the desire to realize libido:

hit a child of your gender - you have homosexual inclinations;

save the baby from danger - ready for childbearing.

Why do children dream: Miller's dream book

In Miller's dream book you will find an explanation of what your child dreams of:

your baby was struck by an incurable disease or he died - expect serious problems with his health.

Playing children: Pixabay

The interpreter explains why someone else's child is dreaming of:

A sick and restless baby - to unrest and anxiety.
Seeing many children in a dream - to achieve goals in work, business and personal life.
If they play or study, expect an improvement in their well-being in the near future.
Children are crying - beware of deceit of loved ones.

What is the dream of a child of a childless? Miller is convinced that her wish will soon come true.

What the baby dreams about: Loff's interpretation

What babies do, how they look, what sensations are associated with them, reflects the inner state of the person who saw this image in a dream.

Here are the values given by Loff:

Friendship and play with a child is a projection on oneself. Remember what feelings you are experiencing, the dream book recommends. A child in your arms - you need protection, playing with toys - you are solving a difficult life problem, running around - trying to avoid responsibility or making important decisions.
Turned into a baby in a dream - you feel the total control of your parents or are oppressed and suppressed by your superiors.

Loff explains why a woman is dreaming about her child, who does not exist yet. This is a signal that she is ready to become a mother. The dream book interprets in a different way what a child dreams of, a man who does not yet have his own children. This is a subconscious sign of his unwillingness to become a father, to take responsibility for some important matter, a sign of tense relations with parents or authoritative people.

Baby in the arms: Pixabay

Islamic dream book: child

Pay attention to what age the child is dreaming about? If someone else's baby boy or girl is dreaming - a signal of overwork and powerlessness in the face of circumstances; your baby - troubles and worries are coming.

Pay attention to the state of the child and the actions that happen to him: