Can you be ovulating and pregnant at the same time

Forget What You Know, You Actually Can Get Pregnant While Pregnant : ScienceAlert

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In a disturbing twist that goes against everything we learned in sex education, a recent New York Times Q&A confirmed that it's actually possible for a woman to get pregnant… while she's already pregnant.

As far-fetched as that sounds, the science on this one actually lines up. In a creepy quirk of the human body, under very exceptional circumstances, a woman can continue to ovulate while pregnant and can conceive another child - something known as 'superfetation'.

That means a woman can have two foetuses developing inside her at the same time, both at different stages of development. And we sort of wish we could immediately scrub that knowledge from our brains.

Before you panic, this is highly unlikely to happen to you or anyone you know. In fact, according to a paper published in 2008 in the European Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology it's only happened 10 times in the scientific literature… ever.

Many claims of double pregnancies over the years that have gone on to be debunked, but, according to the researchers, at least 10 of those seem to be the real, evidence-backed deal.

And since that paper came out, there have been a few other cases reported.

In 2009, a couple from Arkansas became pregnant after already conceiving two and a half weeks earlier. Both babies were delivered healthily by c-section on 2 December, with one baby measurably a fortnight more premature than the other.

And in 2015, an Australian couple gave birth to two girls that were 10 days apart in age at birth.

So, how is this even possible? Superfetation is actually quite common in mammals outside of humans, and has been seen in species including rodents, rabbits, horse, sheep, and kangaroos.

Sometimes these mammals have two uteri to facilitate the double pregnancy, or sometimes their menstrual cycle simply continues during pregnancy. It's even considered a handy reproductive strategy in some species.

But, in humans, superfetation appears to be a very rare accident - that's because, as soon as a woman becomes pregnant, her body actively blocks a second pregnancy from happening.

"Ordinarily, the release of eggs ceases once a woman is pregnant, and the hormonal and physical changes of pregnancy work together to prevent another conception," C. Clairborne Ray explained in a New York Times' science Q&A this week.

But for some reason, in superfetation, a pregnant women still manages to ovulate. A male's sperm then manages to fertilise that egg, somehow bypassing the the mucus plug that blocks up a woman's cervix once she's conceived.

Finally, implantation has to occur - which is an incredibly delicate process even in ordinary pregnancies. And when a woman is already pregnant, her hormones should make the uterus an unfavourable environment for another fertilised egg to implant (not to mention that there wouldn't be much room).

"In order for superfetation to occur in humans … it would appear that three seemingly impossible things need to happen," Khalil A. Cassimally reported for Scientific American back in 2011.

"Ovulation must take place during an ongoing pregnancy, semen must somehow find its way through the blocked cervix to the oviduct, via the occupied uterus and finally, the conceptus has to successfully implant itself in an unsuspecting already-occupied uterus."

Unlike twins - which occur either when a fertilised egg splits into two, or when two eggs are fertilised by two sperm at the same time - superfetation leads to a woman being pregnant with an additional foetus that's younger than the existing pregnancy.

So far, no cases have been reported of the age gap being greater than a few weeks.

According to the 2008 paper in the European Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology, whenever superfetation was confirmed to occur, the two foetuses had a separate amniotic sac. And they differed in size throughout the pregnancy and after birth.

Given the small sample size scientists have to work with, it's not yet clear why superfetation sometimes occurs, and whether whether there are any risk factors that can increase the odds of the phenomenon.

But Casimally notes that reports of superfetation are more common in women who've undergone fertility treatments, which could explain how one or two of those checkpoints get passed.

Despite how rare superfetation is, however, surprisingly, most babies conceived through the strange accident end up surviving.

The main risk is the fact that the babies are still born at the same time, despite their age difference - so one of the babies has the additional challenge of being born premature.

If your brain can handle it, you can find out more about superfetation here and here. The more you know…

Can You Get Pregnant While Pregnant? It’s Rare But Possible

There are plenty of reasons to not love every minute of pregnancy — morning sickness, leg cramps, and heartburn, just to name a few — but the freedom to have sex with your partner whenever you want without worrying about birth control is one of pregnancy’s bigger selling points.

After all, you can’t get pregnant when you’re pregnant, right? RIGHT?!

Sorry to be the bearer of mind-blowing news, but everything you thought about pregnancy and fertility is pretty much wrong. OK, not everything… just enough to make it necessary for us to inform you that — technically — you can add another bun to your oven even when one’s already cooking in there.

A double pregnancy, or superfetation, is extremely rare — in fact, there aren’t even stats on how often it happens — but it’s scientifically possible. We’re not saying you should worry about it happening to you, just that you can’t say that it’s impossible. Here’s why.

There are three things that happen to your body when you get pregnant that make it super unlikely you’ll be able to get pregnant again in the next 9 months:

You stop ovulating. You need to produce a healthy egg in order to get pregnant. Once that egg has been successfully fertilized and implants in your uterus, pregnancy hormones tell your ovaries that you don’t need to ovulate anymore right now.
Speaking of your uterus, it gets pretty tough for another fertilized egg to implant once the first one has nestled in there. The uterine lining thickens to support the first egg and that makes it hard for another to attach itself.
During pregnancy, your cervix produces something called a mucus plug, which not only protects your uterus from infection but also prevents sperm from passing through the cervix.

Any one of these things — ovulation, second implantation, or sperm getting through in the first place — happening after conception would be unusual.

Having all three of them happen, resulting in superfetation, is practically unheard of. (We mean this literally: Medical experts can only point to about 10 confirmed cases in the literature, as evidenced by a 2017 article.)

In order to have a double pregnancy, you’d have to either ovulate while pregnant or have two uteri. Both of those scenarios, again, are highly unlikely.

Ovulating during pregnancy happens so infrequently doctors haven’t been able to study why it may occur.

While uterine abnormalities aren’t quite as uncommon, doctors typically see people with a divided or partially formed uterus, not two separate uteri.

This condition, called didelphic uterus, is rare. While it can cause a double pregnancy, it’s more likely to result in a miscarriage than two pregnancies at the same time.

Since double pregnancy happens so infrequently, there’s no definitive info about how close in gestational age the two fetuses would be.

A 2013 study suggests these fetuses are usually conceived between 2 and 4 weeks apart, so it’s likely to be something that happens within a short window of time after the first conception. Considering that the average length of time between menstrual cycles is about 28 days, that makes sense.

As far as the timing of labor and delivery, a double pregnancy can complicate things a little but not dramatically. You wouldn’t be dealing with, say, a 7-month-old fetus and a 3-month-old one.

Your babies will be close in age. For the most part, babies born between 37 and 38 weeks gestation have healthy outcomes, so you could — in theory — schedule a delivery that falls somewhere in between the younger and older babies’ estimated due dates.

There have been a handful of confirmed double pregnancies over the years, including:

Jessica Allen agreed to be a surrogate for a Chinese couple. When it was discovered she was carrying two fetuses, doctors assumed the embryo had split into twins. After delivering the babies, however, both Allen and the biological parents were confused about how different in appearance they were. DNA testing eventually confirmed that one baby was the biological child of Allen and her husband while the other was the biological child of the Chinese parents.
Julia Grovenburg became pregnant with one baby in early 2010 and then conceived another roughly 2 and a half weeks later. The superfetation was discovered by her doctor during an ultrasound, which revealed the babies were growing at two different rates within two different uterine sacs. The babies also had two different due dates but were ultimately born via cesarean section on the same day.
Kate Hill conceived two babies 10 days apart after receiving treatment for polycystic ovary syndrome. She and her husband were trying to conceive but only had sex once — despite the two eggs being fertilized separately.

Twins happen when a fertilized egg splits in two after implantation (for identical twins) or when two separate eggs are fertilized at the same exact time (for fraternal twins).

These are different from superfetation, which occurs when two eggs are fertilized during separate instances of ovulation.

In other words, twins are conceived during the same ovulatory cycle. In superfetation, one egg is fertilized and implants in the uterus, and then — during a secondary ovulatory cycle — another egg follows suit.

As far as knowing when a double pregnancy has occurred instead of the more likely twin conception, it’s fairly tough to decipher before the babies are born.

Two of the indicators — a significant difference in gestational size and a second baby suddenly appearing on a later ultrasound — can have other explanations. For example, it’s more reasonable to assume that the fetuses are simply growing differently or that an ultrasound technician missed the second fetus the first time around.

After birth, of course, a marked difference in the babies’ physical appearance (like being of two different ethnicities, as in Jessica Allen’s case) is a strong enough sign that DNA testing may be warranted, which would confirm or rule out superfetation for certain.

Further complicating things, there’s a similar-but-different biological phenomenon called superfecundation, which refers to fraternal twins with two different fathers.

This happens when two eggs are released during one ovulatory cycle, with each one being fertilized by sperm from a different male partner. A woman would need to have sex with two different men within the short window of ovulation, which is typically about 5 days.

Since the eggs are released, fertilized, and implanted during the same ovulatory cycle, superfecundation isn’t the same as a double pregnancy. It’s almost equally as rare, though. One study from way back in 1992 estimated it had happened in about 2 percent of the twin cases examined.

Once more for the people in the back: This situation happens so infrequently that doctors can’t say if the risks of carrying and delivering babies with a double pregnancy are higher or not than in traditional pregnancies.

If both fetuses are developing normally, there may not be any increased risks in carrying them. On the other hand, problems may arise if one is significantly “younger” in gestational age or less developed than the other.

Beyond that, a person facing delivery with a double pregnancy would simply have the same risks as anyone delivering multiples. Those risks include low birth weight, preeclampsia, and preterm delivery, among others.

Do you need to be worried about winding up with a superfetation situation? Probably not. It can happen once in a blue moon — and if you’re an extremely rare case, it could explain why your “twins” aren’t developing along the same growth pattern.

Otherwise, consider this a fun fact to pull out at parties: Yes, you can (in theory) become pregnant while pregnant.

Pregnant Dad Syndrome | How to help a pregnant wife

The signs of pregnancy in women are well known to everyone: the stomach grows, strange taste preferences appear, and mood swings occur. Usually during pregnancy, the mother leads a less active lifestyle, sleeps longer and eats more. What is dad doing at this time? As a partner, he often also adjusts to a changed lifestyle. And ... it changes not only inside, but also externally. His general motor activity decreases, nausea occurs in the morning, his tummy grows, drowsiness appears, etc.

It is proved that the hormonal background of the "pregnant dad" differs from the pre-pregnancy state. The amount of testosterone (male hormone) decreases, and the level of estrogen and prolactin (female hormones) increases. Most likely, these changes are secondary, that is, they come after a changed daily routine, the nature of nutrition, and are more common in men who are sensitive, attentive and caring.

Whatever changes happen to your husband, remember that he is also human. He may have his own fears, weaknesses and worries before the upcoming fatherhood. Try to let your husband understand how important he is to you, talk to him about your feelings, consult, confess your love. Spend time together more often, go for walks, go to concerts, exhibitions and visits. Pregnancy is not a disease, but a wonderful state of waiting for a baby. And if two people share it, it's wonderful!
Coping with the difficulties of pregnancy together

The body of each woman is individual, but some changes are observed in almost all expectant mothers. Many of them may have never been experienced by a woman before pregnancy, so they can be worrisome. Some of the changes are spiritual, some are physical. Some are due to the action of hormones, others are the consequences of an increase in the abdomen and body weight.

Here are the most common inconveniences encountered in mid-pregnancy:

• Edema.
• Problems of the gastrointestinal tract: constipation, accumulation of gases, belching, heartburn.
• Varicose disease of the lower extremities.
• Expansion of the veins of the vagina.
• Spasms of calf muscles.
• Back pain.
• Pain in the womb and duck walking.
All these conditions are temporary, but neither doctors nor modern medicines are able to save the expectant mother from them. And, perhaps, only dad can significantly brighten up the life of mom. How?

There are many ways to please a pregnant woman. Here are the 10 most faithful of them:

1. Accompany the woman to the appointment with the doctor and ultrasound
It is pleasant for the expectant mother to realize that her beloved man is nearby, or at least outside the office door, in which she experiences not the most pleasant sensations. She will be able to share her experiences and the news she heard from the doctor with her dad, when they are still fresh and not blocked by the comments of her friends on the phone.

2. Give small gifts regularly
It is not necessary to give a new iPhone, a car or a ring. Even the most modest gift will be a wonderful sign of attention.

3. Giving flowers
Flowers are especially pleasing when they are given just like that, for no reason. Dad can set a recurring reminder on the phone for a specific day of the week.

4. Talk about your love
There are magic words in the world, and of course they are about love.

5. Cook breakfast
Even if a man does not know how to cook at all, he is able to build breakfast - boil eggs, make toast, brew delicious tea. Does not work? Then you can bring your favorite dessert from the restaurant after a business dinner.

6. Invite to a restaurant
It is sometimes useful to take a break from pregnancy. Oddly enough, many women do not want to go to the cinema during pregnancy - it is dark and noisy there. As an option, you can consider going to the theater, to a concert. Or you can just buy a new movie and watch it at home.

7. Massage
Massage your wife - this is the sacred duty of every future dad. Massage technique is not important, gentle touches are important.

8. Help around the house
During pregnancy, mom does not need to breathe dust or carry bags of groceries. Any woman will appreciate the opportunity to take a break from worries if her husband takes on these responsibilities.

9. Forgive breakdowns and tantrums
Change plans every five minutes and demand the impossible? Oh, how familiar! But sometimes a man just needs to agree with a woman so that she immediately changes her mind and acts sensibly.

10. Compliments
Most women get prettier during pregnancy, but they don't even know it! It is in the power of a man to convince a woman how beautiful she is!
Did any of these points get you hooked? Or did you come up with something of your own? Regular evening walks in the park? Shopping trips together? Discussing plans? Don't wait for a man to guess or read this article. Just ask him to do something that will change your pregnant life for the better.
Preparing for childbirth

A woman prepares for childbirth in special courses. Dad can also attend such courses, especially if he is planning a partner birth. But at the same time, many organizational issues lie on it, which you need to think about in advance, even during pregnancy.

• Organization of transportation to the maternity hospital
This is the duty of the Pope. He may not have a car, but it is desirable for him to organize the transportation of his wife to the hospital. How and what car to go? Which route? How quickly can you get to the hospital? Let there be no surprises in this matter for both of you.

• Collection of things for the maternity hospital
In fact, it is necessary to collect not one, but as many as three bags for the maternity hospital - in the maternity block, in the postpartum department and for discharge! And don't forget the documents! The help of the pope will be especially relevant if you have to go to the hospital when the woman has already begun contractions or the water has broken. She is noticeably nervous in this situation, and the composure of a man can do a good job.

• Arrangement of a children's room
Many parents start renovations while they are expecting a child. This is understandable, because the living space needs to be adapted for a new tenant. Repair dust and noise are not very compatible with an interesting situation, so it would be wiser if dad joins the home improvement.

A partner is also a partner in Africa

If the family decides on a partner birth, then this is one situation, but if the mother goes to the birth alone, this does not mean that the father can relax and do nothing. What business could he have? What should he do?
• Be as free from work as possible on the date of delivery and for a few weeks after it
Childbirth is something that concerns all family members and does not happen so often. Despite the fact that the man is not in the hospital, the very fact that he worries about his family, without being distracted by something else, will give the woman in labor strength.

• Stay in touch
Dad needs to take care of topping up his phone and his wife's phone. Before the expected date of birth, you need to regularly charge them, do not forget to turn on the sound. Alas, we often forget about such simple things. Often women are frustrated just because their phone runs out during childbirth, runs out of money on it, or they can't get through to their husband because he's unavailable!

• Be around
A well-known picture is a sleeping husband in a car near the walls of the maternity hospital. Yes, it's still relevant. Although in many maternity hospitals it is already possible to wait in a cafe, in a hall, in a corridor, etc. In any case, the closer the future dad is to the hospital, the better.

• Be ready to help
Sometimes relatives are required to buy something, go somewhere, help make a decision. After the birth, dad's help will also be needed: to bring things for the woman and the child to the postpartum department, buy something from the dowry, organize an extract.

Born - not free

When the time comes to pick up the child and wife from the hospital, dad should be fully armed.

It is not necessary to decorate the walls of the maternity hospital, it is better to prepare the apartment for the arrival of mother and baby. It should at least be clean. A young mother will also appreciate if a bouquet of flowers, balloons and, possibly, a poster (or at least a piece of paper) with a touching inscription will be waiting for her in the apartment. Dad needs to think about how to organize transportation from the hospital home. If you are accompanied by relatives on discharge, who will then go to visit you, you will need to buy a simple treat. Do not plan long feasts. Baby and mom need rest now.

Going to be discharged, dad should not forget women's, children's things, a camera or a video camera. Be sure to buy flowers for the wife and the medical staff!

At the maternity hospital, upon discharge, a woman should be given an exchange card, a certificate from the registry office for registering the child, a sheet with recommendations and conclusions about the baby’s health, indicating the procedures performed and the vaccinations made. The husband needs to check if the wife has forgotten these documents.

Now dads often organize a solemn discharge - balloons that fly into the sky, a limousine, musical accompaniment, professional photography and video filming. Think about whether you want it and whether it will please you. If you answered yes twice, go ahead.
As you can see, pregnancy and childbirth are a lot of things for mom and dad. How to do everything and not forget anything? Write lists! A wife should write to her husband what to do! It's easier for men to navigate. Not all of them know how to take the initiative and can immediately understand the situation. To shrug and say: “But mine didn’t think of it before” - this is not about moms, mom is, first of all, a manager. If this science of managing people is not familiar to you yet, then it's time to start mastering it.
Memo for future dads

How to organize help for a mother with a child after childbirth?

1. Define your male childcare responsibilities and stick to them. The more specific they are, the better. You can bathe the child. You can take the child and nurse him, say from 6 to 8 in the morning, giving the wife a chance to sleep. You can walk with the baby, go grocery shopping, buy diapers and baby water, etc.
2. Choose what appeals to you and suits your daily routine, and do it constantly. Such regularity will allow you to cope with the role of the father at first and give mom time to rest and recover faster after childbirth.
3. You can register a child and receive a birth certificate within 30 days after his birth. In order for your mother not to go to the registry office or the MFC, take these chores on yourself.
4. A newborn person also needs certificates! Don't forget about it! Registration, medical insurance, foreign passport - these are just some of them. But it is still necessary to draw up documents for receiving benefits and, if this is not the first child, maternity capital. It all takes time and effort, do not tear the mother away from the child, do it yourself.
Cut-outs:

Nothing brings two people closer than pregnancy, childbirth, and the birth of a child. After all, it is during this period that it is important for mom and dad to be a team and act together.
If a woman wants a man to help and do something specific during pregnancy, childbirth and after them, then you need to talk about it directly, and not wait for him to guess
In recent years, in many schools for childbirth, separate courses for dads have appeared, that is, mom and dad are preparing for childbirth according to different programs. This seems reasonable to us, since the tasks during pregnancy, during childbirth and after them are different for men and women. If you are looking for such courses, then we can recommend you the School of Childbirth Online - www.shkola-rodov.ru

My husband left me pregnant: what next? - Orenburg

A man can find out about a woman's pregnancy and leave her, leave, demanding an abortion. What should a woman do, how to behave, what to think? The article helps pregnant abandoned women to understand themselves and their lives.

Many women dream of a big and strong family. However, dreams do not always come true. A woman gives her heart, love and body to a man who, as it turns out, only uses it.

When a woman comes with the good news that they are about to have a baby, the man does not always react in the way he wants. Time passes, and the man generally abandons the woman who is pregnant from him.

This is a very strong blow and pain that does not allow a woman to realize what to do in a situation where she is expecting a baby, and the man has left her.

Pregnancy is a joyful event for a woman who has received support from a man from whom she is expecting a baby.

Another woman rejoices in her pregnancy when she was ready to raise the child herself.

However, if a woman loved a man, was waiting for his proposal to register a marriage, but he, on the contrary, left her as soon as he found out about her pregnancy, then this event will not bring joy.

An abandoned pregnant woman is a terrible state when she was waiting for love and support, but faced betrayal and loneliness. What to do, how to behave? The most important thing is not to make mistakes, for which you will then bitterly pay. To prevent this from happening, we will discuss this topic in the article.

The first experiences after the betrayal of a man

The first and sometimes decisive days are those days when a man leaves a woman and she realizes that she is left alone with her life. The man left. He no longer wants to continue the relationship.

At the same time, the woman understands that she has given everything to the man from whom she is still expecting a child.

Here she is overwhelmed with many emotions: pain, resentment, disappointment, anger, self-pity, hatred for a man, helplessness, etc.

The man left - this, of course, is not a joyful event. However, no hasty decisions should be made. You can draw conclusions about a man, since he has already demonstrated everything he wanted. But here's what to do next with your life, and even more so with a child, it is better to postpone for later.

Unsplash Photo

Don't make hasty decisions. In the first days after the departure of a man, it is better to allow yourself to suffer. Don't run from emotions. If you are in pain, then allow yourself to experience it. Give yourself a few days to mourn what happened. Then just start thinking about what to do next.

Conclusions about a man: how does he feel about you?

While you are suffering, begin to understand what the man has done. His actions demonstrate true feelings towards you. How does he feel about the child? Not yet, because it doesn't exist yet. But how a man treats you, he has already demonstrated.

Believe me, a loving man would never leave a woman, especially a pregnant one. Even if there is respect for a woman, a man does not leave her alone with his pregnancy.

If a man doesn't want to marry you or isn't ready for a baby, he discusses it.

However, if a man was indifferent to you, did not take you seriously, used you and your feelings, then he will leave you as soon as possible, especially if he finds out about your pregnancy.

A man can offer a woman an abortion. What does this indicate? In fact, it is difficult to say here what a man is guided by and how he treats a woman. Some men suggest abortion because they are not ready to have children. Others simply do not want to have children precisely from those women who became pregnant from them.

Unsplash Photo

There are men who don't want to have children with the women they sleep with. There are gentlemen who, in principle, do not want to have children.

Each case is individual, so it is not necessary to say that a man does not appreciate a woman who is pregnant by him.

Only one thing can be said with certainty: if a man loves a woman, then he agrees to have children from her, especially if she herself wants it.

Since a man left you while pregnant, he definitely doesn't appreciate you, doesn't love you and doesn't respect you. Remember his act if he suddenly decides to come back to you and “hang on your ears” various excuses. He made the decision to leave you. Which means you shouldn't hold on to it. Now it remains for you to decide whether to suffer because of a man who does not need you, or think about yourself, about your child and live on.

If you suffer because of a man and think only about him, believe me, you will do a lot of stupid things. For your actions, you will then bitterly pay and regret.
If you start thinking about yourself and your desires, then you can make decisions that are right for you.

Have a baby or have an abortion?

Unfortunately, but often a woman begins to think about whether she should give birth to a child or have an abortion.

Why does a woman consider such thoughts even when she wants to be pregnant? Here we again return to what a woman thinks about - about herself or about a man? When a woman thinks about her desires and her life, in most cases she agrees to give birth to a child. It does not matter whether she will be married or become a single mother, but in most cases she decides to give birth to a child.

If a woman thinks about a man, his love for her, wants to return his favor to her, etc., then she agrees with his wishes - to have an abortion. She does not hear what she wants herself. She does not think about the child. It is important for her what a man wants and what he thinks. If a man leaves her because of a child or demands an abortion, she will most likely agree to give up the baby in order to be with a man again.

Photo by Chermiti Mohamed on Unsplash

But let's be sober in our judgments. A man is ready to leave a woman because of a child. A man, in principle, does not want to be with a woman and create a family with her.

What kind of love can we talk about here? A man will be happy if a woman relieves him of the burden of raising and paying child support. But he won't stay with her for long.

He can either leave her right away, or use her for some more time, and then quit anyway.

If you are deciding whether to have a baby or get rid of a pregnancy, then think only of yourself:

Think about your desires, your interests and needs.
Think about your future life. Predict how events will unfold if you leave a child or decide to have an abortion.
Think about the possibilities you have. Believe me, it is difficult to bring up and raise children even for those women who live in marriage. Think not about whether you can raise a child, but about whether you want to give him everything that you already have.
Think about the consequences of an abortion. After all, you may lose the opportunity to have children again. Are you ready for this?
Think about why you want to have an abortion. Is this an outside influence on you?

If a man has left you and you are left alone with your pregnancy, now you must realize the following: your life is in your hands. And the life of the child also depends only on you. Don't worry about who wants what.

Moreover, stop thinking about the desires of a man who clearly doesn't care about you. Now you are left on your own - you and your baby.

Do you want to live together or do you still want to deprive yourself of the opportunity to start a family? After all, you can be a family with your child, and over time, a man will appear who wants to be a member of your family - your husband, and your child's father.

How to live on?

If you are abandoned by a man who is pregnant, does not want to start a family with you, demands an abortion and threatens to leave you otherwise, it is better to think about yourself. The man doesn't care about you.

At least don't betray yourself! And the child has nothing to do with your troubles. Perhaps the child will become your only joy in this difficult period, when a man treats you in a treacherous way.

How to live on after the death of a man who found out about your pregnancy?

Forget about him. Good riddance to him, and you live on and now think only about yourself.
Start living your life. Now you also have a child who will be born soon. If you are not a follower of the child-free movement and do not care about the desires of a former boyfriend, most likely you will decide to keep the child.
Think about the financial situation of your family. Now you will have to take care of your child on your own. To do this, you need housing, a room, furniture and accessories for the child, a material balance for which you will live for the first months while on maternity leave. Also, do not forget about social assistance to pregnant women, after the birth of a child, single mothers. If you wish, you can apply to the court to establish the paternity of the former partner and collect child support from him.
Get on with your life. While you are pregnant, you can indulge in your hobbies and hobbies. Hang out with nice and supportive people. Meet new people. Do not try to find a man for yourself, however, do not refuse those who still show sincere interest in you and desire to be with you.

In fact, there is nothing tragic about the fact that some failed husband and father decided to leave you as soon as he found out about your pregnancy. Undoubtedly, his act is very unpleasant and treacherous.

However, understand that this man would rather leave now than continue to deceive you, not support you, not love you, not help you raise your child, and simply take away your strength, time, and the opportunity to find a more worthy partner. It's good that he left.

So all his feelings and promises were lies. It's good that you found out about this before he became your husband and "parasite".

Since a man left you in a state of pregnancy, then you need to forget about him. You are lucky to devote time to your child, your health, and becoming yourself as a woman and mother. After the birth of a child, you will become a mother, on which you can be congratulated.

Photo by Alex Pasarelu for Unsplash

Do not be afraid, if you feel calm and happy, a man will appear in your life. Only now do not put his desires and interests above yourself and your baby.

Let a man first win your love, prove that he is ready to live a family life with you, demonstrate his fatherly abilities when communicating with your baby.

You should not fit into his life, but let him try to become part of your family in order to deserve your love and body.

Wind of change

KirovMama.ru > Expectant mother >

It seems that the end of the world has come. Questions in my head: “How could he do this to me?”, “Why should I?”, “How will I raise a baby alone?” driven to despair. Panic. Cold in the soul. Loneliness.

Without discussing how this happened to you and for what reason, try to calm down first. There is another heart beating under your heart, the life of which depends entirely on you. That is, the main miracle - the birth of a new life - happened! But someone can’t get pregnant at all ...

Try to get everything out of your head: him, what your relatives say. And most importantly, stop feeling sorry for yourself. As a person with bitter experience, I realized that there are a lot of things that can change you. And there are little secrets of how to survive the blows of fate. Shall we start?

Cheer up. Nothing undermines like the blues. Tears-snot usually come along with it. And you're in no position to be upset.
Do not turn off the world. Call your friends, meet more often, chat. In the end, even the Internet saves if you are a home person or when it is already harder to visit guests.
Get busy doing something. Think of a hobby. You probably have a bunch (or at least one) of talents. It's time to remember him! Be it knitting or drawing…
Don't forget about yourself. Beauty salons, shopping or just an hour or two at the mirror never hurts. Nothing makes you feel better!
Think positive. Thoughts are material. Attract only positive emotions and feelings. You have a baby. Soon he will be born. And he needs you - happy, beloved, loving and successful.
Take everything that happens easier. Life is wiser. Take everything as it is. He left. Well! wish you the best! Perhaps fate protected you from something terrible. And in general, as they say, you lose the good - you find the best.
And finally, get rid of the myth that no one needs a woman with a child. Why did you decide that, having parted with the biological father of the child, you will no longer meet your dream? Everything is in your hands and everything depends on you!

Just look at everything from the other side. Not from the abandoned victim of harsh circumstances. And you didn’t have a relationship crisis ... After all, in fact, changes have come in your life. And everything that is done ... you yourself know why.

You are not alone! Your baby listens to your heart every minute. Tune in to this joyful wave!

In general, our world is arranged in such a way that there are many lonely souls in it, looking for each other, and it doesn’t matter if there are children from previous relationships or not…

Who knows, maybe soon you will see love in a still unfamiliar smile... And there will be someone who will return the smile and the joy of life to your world.

Maria Savelyeva , especially for KirovMama.ru.

My husband left me pregnant: what should I do?

Pregnancy is one of the most important moments in a woman's life. Under her heart she carries a new life, the family continues the race.

The main thing is not to panic

However, in real time, not all women give birth to children in a happy marriage. In modern society, there are many irresponsible men who can leave the once beloved woman to the mercy of fate. What to do in such situations? Do not panic, this is not a tragedy of universal proportions.

Practice shows that men get over parting more easily in a couple. An abandoned woman should gain strength, because she will have to raise a child on her own.

Social stereotypes

Women's forums are full of discussions on this topic. Men on the Internet are condemned, accused of breaking up relationships. But was the union strong? Is a man always wrong?

There are situations where women themselves kill their relationships. There are two people to blame for every problem.

The main reasons for the breakup

Usually men leave women because of the eternal dissatisfaction of their partner. In this case, he chooses freedom as a source of liberation from unwanted stressful situations.

A woman under the influence of hormones requires increased attention, requires more caress and tenderness. If she doesn't get everything she wants, she'll make a scandal. The man associates this behavior with idleness, because according to his logic, busy people do not throw tantrums out of the blue.

The situation does not change

A man ignores such behavior in the hope that his chosen one will calm down. He wants to be in peace and quiet after a hard day's work. The situation does not change, then he offers to leave his woman for a while.

During this period, he may meet a new girl who makes him easy to communicate with. Naturally, he sees no way back.

New life

A person who has been abandoned is difficult to comfort. There are times when a woman is not to blame for the breakup. Men are simply not ready to change their lives and are afraid of not living up to their partner's expectations. They avoid responsibility, just leave without even explaining.

Pregnant women are not left only by those men who planned to have children. This is a common conscious decision, but they cannot stand situations where someone imposes their opinion.

Beautiful people never go away

If a woman stops taking care of herself, she makes a big mistake. Without exception, all men want to see beauties next to them. Such ladies want to please and give happiness.

If a husband leaves his family, don't get too upset. It's not the end of the world. There is a high chance that he will return. Just be yourself and live for yourself, you should not be afraid of loneliness. It is better to be alone than to forcefully keep a person near you.

Is it better to have children in marriage?

"Beloved left me when I was pregnant": how to survive betrayal?

4,695 Man and woman Cheating Loneliness

This is the story of my great and only love. A story that literally changed my life. It started in 1996 when I was 19 years old. My friends and I were invited to visit by friends. We gathered six of us: three girls and three guys, chatted, laughed, danced.

“My clear light, write to me with a tear of rain on a wet window,” Tanya Bulanova sang. We fooled around impersonating pop stars, dressed up in tulle, did mini performances. The doorbell rang on the Freestyle song “Oh, what a woman”, and he entered, my Igor.

He sat down next to me, got acquainted, and I immediately realized that I was always waiting for him - this is my man! My heart began to beat, with him next to me I felt warm and comfortable, light and relaxed. I began to be embarrassed, I no longer went out to dance, but answered questions quietly, blushed.

We met in a company, and then Igor invited my girlfriend on a date. My friends were just in shock: they all knew how delighted I was with him. I couldn't understand anything, hated and loved him at the same time.

I could no longer meet with the guys from our company, because he was there. She locked herself in her room, sat and was indignant: “This simply cannot be! I felt that he was just as good as me. On the first evening, we looked at each other as if in a mirror.

Six months have passed. It turned out that Igor met his girlfriend only a couple of times. And when we accidentally met at a disco, then all the feelings came to life. How many words were said to each other! He asked for forgiveness, begged to return, swore allegiance.

We danced, we cried and laughed together, we started seeing each other every day. I felt like a light fluff flying towards something beautiful, unfamiliar and fell in love more and more. Kisses, walks around the city, meeting the dawn, three months passed like shots from a beautiful romantic melodrama.

Is this all happening to me? Am I a princess to be carried and idolized?

This has never happened before in my life, I was happy.

New, 1997 was approaching. My friends and I began to prepare for the holiday: we bought food, thought over the menu. I sang all the time, danced and thought: “What a blessing that we found each other!” December 31 came, and Igor stunned me: “Go to the holiday alone, I will appear later.”

I was confused, jealous - where could he go, with whom did he decide to celebrate the coming New Year? At about three o'clock in the morning Igor arrived, the same dear and beloved. And in an instant I decided: I will forgive him everything, let today be our first night.

Proximity gave new feelings: yes, he loves me as much as I love him. We will always be together - "both in sorrow and in joy." How could I doubt, suspect him of treason?

On the first of January, I woke up in the late afternoon and excitedly began to furnish my room - for the two of us. Now we will live here together, right today and I will tell my parents about it! But this did not happen.

Igor did not call me again, he did not answer my calls. I seemed to see the light: he only wanted sex. And when everything happened, it just evaporated. And I soon found out that the first and only night brought a gift - pregnancy. I didn't want to call him, but my friend insisted.

We agreed that Igor would come to me the next day and we would talk about everything. I told him about my dream - to live together, to have a baby, but he only offered to pay for the abortion. At the same time, he succinctly clarified that we are not a couple and cannot be together.

He was leaving, and I was crying… We didn't see each other for many years, I got married. I try to love my husband, take care of my son, work, take care of the house. But this gap remained in my memory, it hurts all my life. I'm afraid that if Igor and I meet by chance (and our town is small, and the meeting is quite likely), then I can even leave my family for him.

Yulia Romanova, psychologist:

Marianna will have to be disappointed, she described not great love, but love addiction. She is characterized by such alluring, vivid feelings, when you do not belong to yourself and do crazy things, realizing with your head all their stupidity and danger.

If so many years have passed and the heroine is not feeling any better, then perhaps it is time to stop this love torture? If you also experienced the refusal of a partner to continue the relationship, then try to do a psychological practice. It will help work through the history of the breakup and start living without looking back at the past.

What can you do right now?

1. Take three sheets of paper and a marker. Write the word “lawyer” on one sheet, “prosecutor” on another, and “judge” on the third.

2. Spread these sheets on the floor and place your feet on the lawyer sheet. Remember all the good things that happened in the relationship with the "former". It was definitely good, because you chose it once. Tell about it.

3. Go to the sheet labeled “Prosecutor”. Do not skimp on words, remember all the bad things that happened in your relationship. All unfulfilled hopes, all the days and nights when you were waiting for him to call, come, understand everything and make an important decision for your couple.

Remember what he told you when you parted. Feel what is happening at this moment with your body, allow yourself the whole gamut of feelings and any reactions. You can and should cry, swear, scream. Give vent to emotions.

4. Then go to the “judge” sheet. Try to remember everything that was said in the previous two roles, and make your verdict. It can be any punishment, the most sophisticated and piquant. Allow yourself to think about it, you will not realize it, do not worry.

If it seems to you that the judge does not have enough arguments, then take the role of “prosecutor” again and remember what else was difficult in your relationship. Let your inner judge find a solution that satisfies you. The purpose of this practice is to reduce your level of emotional attachment and weaken the idealization of a partner.

5. Now take another piece of paper and write the word “thank you”. Find a place for it a little away from all other sheets of paper. Stand on it with your feet and look at this story from the side, as at a stage in your life that has ended.

What are you grateful for this experience for? To this person? What are you grateful to yourself for? Notice that in the process of practice, you have overcome all these difficulties and made a difficult but important decision: to choose yourself and finish this story.

You can return to this psychological technique as many times as you like until you feel relief.

Yulia Romanova — psychologist, EMDR therapist, systemic therapist (constellation), coach, federal channel expert, author of therapeutic online courses. Her website and blog.

Marina SmaginaPhoto source: Getty Images

I am pregnant, my husband has left. how to proceed?

Question to a psychologist:

Lived with my husband for 12 years. I have a son and I'm pregnant now. After a domestic quarrel, he left. Didn't pick up the stuff. Our first conversation was on emotions, I offered time to analyze what was happening, he took it. It was a month ago.

No call, nothing this month. He is not interested in my condition, and I am in position. He does not care at all what I have and how. He does not want to communicate with his relatives, he simply severed all contact. He tells everyone that he is fine.

We've been through a lot together, but I don't understand what happened now. And he does not contact me, does not talk, does not explain the reason. When he comes to his son, he does not look in the eyes, does not speak to me. He is simply silent on my questions. I have already tried all the attempts, asked for forgiveness that time, probably just did not stand on my knees.

I can't understand how a person who loved and wanted a child was in seventh heaven with happiness ......thrown everything like that. Without explaining anything.

Somewhere in my heart I know that he will return, it just takes time, but I can't wait any longer. I'm just killing myself slowly, right.

My heart is torn to pieces…..I love him to the point of madness, I want to be near him. And he just forgot about me.

I can't understand how it is possible to lose feelings so quickly or he just hides them somewhere deep. Maybe he's trying to hide behind a wall from me. Maybe he wants back. All he told me was "I'm not coming home" and nothing more.

We have always had common interests. I have always helped him, I have always been a courteous wife.

I can't imagine my life without him.

What to do? Help bring him back.

Question author: Nina Age: 32

Psychologist Ziganshina Oksana Rustamovna answers the question

Hello, Nina.

First, and most important, no matter how your relationship with your husband develops in the future, this should not be reflected in the children. And it should always be a priority.

They fully read your emotional background (even if you don't notice it), and the baby you are wearing receives information at the hormonal level, literally soaking up your emotions.

Try to find strength within yourself for the sake of your children.

Nothing happens by chance, it's just that sometimes these reasons are not so obvious. Your domestic quarrel, of course, is not the reason for his departure. This quarrel was the last straw in the barrel of "misunderstandings and conflicts", or a reason to leave.

Think about where the cup of patience could overflow? What did he not like and did he tell you about it, but you did not pay attention to it? There may have been intimacy issues that weren't brought up for discussion, but it's fun in the air. Men do not leave the family because of minor domestic problems.

This can be facilitated by the crisis of family relations, 12 years old is just one of them. You know each other well, have lived a lot, and at such moments one of the partners (and sometimes both) experiences an emotional decline, since everything seems to be clear and ordinary: wife, children, work (sometimes the one with which you want to run away) .

And it seems that "I'm so good - I clean, I wash, I cook, I bring up a child." And he was tired of all this. He looks and thinks that it will be like this all his life and nothing new. And you seem to be an ideal wife, you do everything for the family and for him, and he wants a spark that he does not receive from you.

And sometimes a spark happens in violation of the usual order of life, a new image of you, novelty of actions and thoughts. And we women, sometimes in the desire to please our beloved, become uninteresting, cease to be “prey” for a man.

During this period (12-13 years of family life), betrayals can also occur, as a person is looking for new emotions that are difficult to obtain in the context of established family relationships. And often men abruptly leave when they start a new relationship.

If a man began to see a "new horizon", then he would not think for a long time. This happens much easier and faster, without the burden of moral responsibility (unlike women). Of course, this does not mean at all that everything is exactly the same in your situation, but I am considering all possible options.

For a man and a second child, this is not always easy either. The financial burden is growing, and he is happy, but also puzzled, how he will pull it, whether his family will need something (if expenses exceed income).

Behind this, thoughts begin to emerge that he did not achieve everything that he dreamed of, could not realize himself in the profession, as he wanted, and even a lot of other disappointments.

You wrote that he does not contact you and does not want to talk to you. When we need someone, but he moves away from us, we experience almost physical pain. And then the emotional pressure begins: calls, constant questions “why are you doing this?”, “What did I do wrong?”, “What should I do to make you come back?”, “Do you love me?” And so on.

Or, manipulating questions and phrases begin: "what about us?", "I can't live without you", "please come back, I feel bad." All this pushes him much further than he is now. Of course, as a father, he is responsible for the children, both moral and financial, but not for you. And you need to clearly distinguish this. You can't force someone to be there against their will.

And if he did this, then there were reasons for that - in you or in himself. He knows how you treat him, and if now he is at a crossroads, then he needs to be released. Communicate on business, do not look into the eyes and cry.

Remember that men do not like all these things in principle, but when there is a crack in the relationship and a woman starts “begging for love”, this is the worst tactic of behavior. I understand that in your position this is all extremely difficult, you are vulnerable and right now you need attention and support, but in this situation, the coldness of the mind is the best solution.

Focus on yourself and your unborn child, it is important for you to save yourself and your health. If there is a good moment and you can get into a conversation, just try to understand him, the reasons for leaving, what was wrong. Forget for a moment that you are a wife and become a friend. Take an interest in what has changed inside him, what you would like to change, in calm tones.

Your calmness and detachment is an opportunity to at least just talk and find out something. Even if you somehow force him to return (but he himself does not want to), this will not bring happiness to you, not to your family. And sooner or later he will leave anyway.

Look at the situation not through the prism of your desires, but still more realistically, by his actions and behavior. At the moment he is not, and perhaps he will not return, and you must be internally prepared for such an outcome.

You have a son, you have another baby inside - they are not to blame if something goes wrong. And your task, as a loving mother, is to create good living conditions for them, warmth, love and comfort. This is your main goal.

And your husband has to decide on his own, this is the only correct outcome. If he no longer wants to be with you, then you need to accept it and move on. It's not worth keeping.

If this is the stage when he needs to decide how to live on, leave him alone, leave him “without himself”, so that he can understand what he wants and whether he feels bad without you. The great is seen at a distance, and we must give it that distance.

Evaluate the psychologist's answer:

4 steps to financial independence from your ex-husband

How to live on if the husband left, and with him material wealth left the life? Just yesterday, the world was simple and clear: you looked after the house, took care of yourself and received money from your beloved man. And today he said “turn around yourself, don’t count on alimony” and drove off into the sunset. No panic! I tell you how to stop depending on the money of your ex-husband, and not repeat this mistake in a new relationship.

“Divorced her husband: what to do?”

Girls! What do you think is the first thing to do after a divorce? Write an opinion in x. I'll give you the correct answer: celebrate!

Yes, divorce is a difficult situation, which is aggravated if the girl was dependent on her partner not only emotionally, but also financially. For example, if a guy paid for an apartment, food, shopping, gave money for "pocket expenses". With his departure, the woman feels helpless: it is not clear how to live on and where to get the money?

Financial dependence on a man can be overcome. My official website, Pavel Rakov, has many articles on how to deal with the emotional pain of divorce. Now I propose to focus on the practical side: how to stop depending on circumstances and provide for yourself if your husband left you. I propose to consider three scenarios.

Division of property and alimony

According to the law, half of the jointly acquired property belongs to the woman. The ex-husband is also required to pay child support. Many girls think that this is enough: they demand that the guy continue to give money. However, there are many drawbacks to this scenario:

Dependence on the man remains: if he hides income or starts a new family, payments stop.
A woman cannot completely break off contact with a former partner, i.e. not able to start a new relationship, find true love.
There is a lack of money - the girl has to "squeeze", she is constantly irritated, dissatisfied. In addition, he often feels fear: what will happen if a man does not send another bank transfer on time?

Girls! After a breakup, don't count on financial help from your ex-husband, parents, or friends. Now is the best time to get back on your feet.

Search for a new partner

Another scenario is when, immediately after a divorce, a woman tries to find a new Prince who would pay for all her "wishlist". Such girls do not ask “my husband left me, what should I do?” Because they know the answer: find a new one!

The message itself is good: if the relationship fails, this is not a reason to close yourself off from the world. You need to keep meeting people, and one day you will fall in love with a worthy gentleman. But you should not consider suitors as ATMs - they should not support you.

This approach has many disadvantages:

The girl does not give herself time to recover from the emotional shock, immediately starts building new relationships. As a result, it will start repeating the same mistakes as before.
A man subconsciously feels that a woman is not interested in his personality, but in his wallet. He loses respect for his partner, breaks off contact with her or leaves her in his mistresses.
Remains dependent on the representatives of the stronger sex: they decide how much money to give.

How to stop depending on your ex or future husband forever? Start taking care of yourself.

Gain financial independence

The third scenario is gaining financial independence. The modern world provides girls with many opportunities for realization and good earnings. It may be difficult for you to see this: if you have not worked for a long time, there is a fear of employment, it seems that your skills and abilities are not in demand in the market. But it's not.

Girls! Tell me: would you like to receive a good income and not depend on a man? Or do you think that mining is the lot of the stronger sex? Share your opinion, all answers are anonymous!

How to become a financially independent woman?

The first thing to do in order to gain independence after a divorce is to calmly analyze the current situation. Answer a few questions:

How much money do I spend per month?
Which payments are mandatory, which can be deferred?
How much money do I have right now?
How much money will I receive within a month?

It will most likely turn out that you are well off for the next month. This will help to get rid of fear, calm down, take control of the situation.

The second step in the operation "how to become financially independent from her husband" is to identify current resources. What education, work experience, skills do you have? What do you love and know how to do? Do you bake amazing buns, clean the house in 30 seconds, compose fairy tales for children? All this is the basis for the future business! I develop this idea in more detail in the article “TOP 7 Ideas for Women’s Business”.

Then act:

Select the area in which you want to develop. If you plan to return to work, update your resume, send it to the company. Do you want to start a business? Make a business plan.
Reconnect with working friends. They are a great motivator and source of valuable ideas and connections.
Upgrade your qualifications, learn skills that will increase your attractiveness in the labor market.
Be prepared for rejection. Don't despair, keep sending out your resume. Choose an active position - do not wait for invitations, call companies with interesting vacancies yourself.

After you find a job, keep learning and growing. Constant movement forward is the key to success in any field.

Independence, family and love

Building your material well-being, you will notice that you have successfully survived a divorce. It's time to start dating! Entering into a new relationship, do not give up financial independence for the sake of the feelings or desires of your partner: look for harmony between career and family. How to do this, I tell in the section "Women's Destiny".