What does let down feel like breastfeeding
Let-down reflex | Pregnancy Birth and Baby
Let-down reflex | Pregnancy Birth and Baby beginning of content3-minute read
Listen
The let-down reflex is an important part of breastfeeding that starts milk flowing when your baby feeds. Each woman feels it differently, and some may not feel it at all. It can be affected by stress, pain and tiredness but once feeding is established, it requires little or no thought.
What is the let-down reflex?
The let-down reflex is what makes breastmilk flow. When your baby sucks at the breast, tiny nerves are stimulated. This causes two hormones – prolactin and oxytocin – to be released into your bloodstream. Prolactin helps make the milk, while oxytocin causes the breast to push out the milk. Milk is then released or let down through the nipple.
Some women feel the let-down reflex as a tingling sensation in the breasts or a feeling of fullness, although others don’t feel anything in the breast.
Most women notice a change in their baby’s sucking pattern as the milk begins to flow, from small, shallow sucks to stronger, slower sucks.
Some women also notice, while feeding or expressing from one breast, that milk drips from the other.
Your let-down reflex needs to be established and maintained to ensure a good supply of milk. This reflex requires no thought, unless you are having problems with breastfeeding.
When does it occur?
The let-down reflex occurs:
- in response to your baby sucking at the breast
- hearing, seeing or thinking about your baby
- using a breast pump, hand expressing or touching your breasts or nipples
- looking at a picture of your baby
- hearing your baby (or another baby) cry
The let-down reflex generally occurs 2 or 3 times a feed. Most women only feel the first, if at all. This reflex is not always consistent, particularly early on, but after a few weeks of regular breastfeeding or expressing, it becomes an automatic response.
The let-down reflex can also occur with other stimulation of the breast, such as by your partner.
Strategies to encourage the reflex
The let-down reflex can be affected by stress, pain and tiredness. There are many things to try if you are experiencing difficulty.
- Ensure that your baby is correctly attached to the breast. A well-attached baby will drain a breast better.
- Feed or express in a familiar and comfortable environment.
- Try different methods to help you to relax: calming music, a warm shower or a warm washer on the breast, some slow deep breathing, or a neck and shoulder massage.
- Gently hand express and massage your breast before commencing the feed.
- Look at and think about your baby.
- If you are away from your baby, try looking at your baby’s photo.
- Always have a glass of water nearby.
Milk let-down can be quite forceful, particularly at the beginning of a feed. This fast flow of milk can upset your baby, but it might not mean you have oversupply. It can be managed through expressing before a feed, reclining slightly and burping your baby after the first few minutes. If you continue to have problems, seek advice.
How to deal with unexpected let-down
Until you and your baby fine-tune breastfeeding, many sensations and thoughts can trigger your let-down reflex. Leaking breasts can be embarrassing, but should stop once breastfeeding is fully established.
In the meantime you can feed regularly, apply firm pressure to your breasts when you feel the first sensation of let-down, use breast pads and wear clothing that disguises milk stains.
If you need help and advice:
- Pregnancy Birth and Baby on 1800 882 436
- your maternal child health nurse
- a lactation consultant (your maternity hospital might be able to help)
- Australian Breastfeeding Association on 1800 686 268
Sources:
Australian Breastfeeding Association (Breastfeeding - naturally : the Australian Breastfeeding Association's guide to breastfeeding - from birth to weaning), Australian Breastfeeding Association (Let-down reflex)Learn more here about the development and quality assurance of healthdirect content.
Last reviewed: April 2021
Back To Top
Related pages
- Oversupply of breastmilk
- How to increase breast milk supply
- Breastfeeding your baby
Need more information?
Breastfeeding challenges - Ngala
Sometimes breastfeeding can be challenging
Read more on Ngala website
Breast refusal and baby biting breast | Raising Children Network
Breast refusal or baby biting breast are common breastfeeding issues. These issues might resolve themselves, or your child and family health nurse can help.
Read more on raisingchildren.net.au website
Breastfeeding - expressing breastmilk - Better Health Channel
Expressing breast milk by hand is a cheap and convenient method.
Read more on Better Health Channel website
Breast feeding your baby - MyDr.com.au
Breast milk has long been known as the ideal food for babies and infants. Major health organisations recommend that women breast feed their babies exclusively until they are 6 months old, and continue breast feeding, along with solids, until they are 12 months old or more. Breast milk has many benefits.
Read more on myDr website
Expressing and storing breast milk
This page includes information about expressing, storing, cleaning equipment, transporting and preparing expressed breastmilk for your baby.
Read more on WA Health website
Expressing breastmilk & storing breastmilk | Raising Children Network
You can express breastmilk by hand, or with a manual or an electric pump. Store expressed breastmilk in special bags or containers in the fridge or freezer.
Read more on raisingchildren.net.au website
Mastitis, blocked duct & breast abscess | Raising Children Network
If you think you have a blocked milk duct, you can treat it at home to start with. If you think you have mastitis or a breast abscess, see your GP as soon as possible.
Read more on raisingchildren.net.au website
Weaning at 6 Months | Tresillian
Babies start weaning when they begin consuming foods other than breastmilk. For advice on weaning check out Tresillian's tip page.
Read more on Tresillian website
Frequently asked questions about alcohol and pregnancy | FASD Hub
We've answered some common questions about alcohol use during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and about living with fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD).
Read more on FASD Hub Australia website
Breastfeeding challenges - Ngala
Many new mothers experience breastfeeding challenges
Read more on Ngala website
Disclaimer
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby is not responsible for the content and advertising on the external website you are now entering.
OKNeed further advice or guidance from our maternal child health nurses?
1800 882 436
Video call
- Contact us
- About us
- A-Z topics
- Symptom Checker
- Service Finder
- Linking to us
- Information partners
- Terms of use
- Privacy
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby is funded by the Australian Government and operated by Healthdirect Australia.
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby is provided on behalf of the Department of Health
Pregnancy, Birth and Baby’s information and advice are developed and managed within a rigorous clinical governance framework. This website is certified by the Health On The Net (HON) foundation, the standard for trustworthy health information.
This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.
This information is for your general information and use only and is not intended to be used as medical advice and should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any medical condition, nor should it be used for therapeutic purposes.
The information is not a substitute for independent professional advice and should not be used as an alternative to professional health care. If you have a particular medical problem, please consult a healthcare professional.
Except as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, this publication or any part of it may not be reproduced, altered, adapted, stored and/or distributed in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of Healthdirect Australia.
Support this browser is being discontinued for Pregnancy, Birth and Baby
Support for this browser is being discontinued for this site
- Internet Explorer 11 and lower
We currently support Microsoft Edge, Chrome, Firefox and Safari. For more information, please visit the links below:
- Chrome by Google
- Firefox by Mozilla
- Microsoft Edge
- Safari by Apple
You are welcome to continue browsing this site with this browser. Some features, tools or interaction may not work correctly.
Is It Normal to Hurt Like This?
You’ve got your latch figured out, your baby isn’t biting, but still — hey, that hurts! It’s not something you’ve done wrong: A painful letdown reflex can sometimes be part of your breastfeeding journey.
But the good news is that as your amazing body adjusts to this new role, the letdown reflex should become painless. If not, something else may be wrong. Let’s look at what you should know.
Think of the letdown reflex as an intricate dance in which you and your baby are partners. Your body responds to input from your baby when they begin to feed or cry out in hunger. Sometimes even thinking about nursing them, touching your breasts, or using a pump can begin the process.
When your body gets the signal from your baby it triggers the nerves in your nipple and areola. These nerves send messages to the pituitary gland in your brain signaling it to release oxytocin and prolactin into your bloodstream.
So what do these hormones do? Prolactin signals the alveoli in your breast to remove the sugars and protein from your blood and produce more milk.
Oxytocin makes cells around the alveoli contract and push the milk into the milk duct. Oxytocin also widens the milk ducts so that the milk can flow more easily.
Your milk actually lets down several times during one feeding session, but you’ll probably only feel the first time. Some moms feel the letdown reflex seconds after their baby begins to suck. Some feel it only after a couple of minutes. And some don’t feel anything at all.
Like everything in our bodies, there isn’t an exact timetable or expectation to follow.
Here’s what you might notice:
- A tingling sensation sort of like pins-and-needles. And, yes, it can be disconcertingly intense and even painful. Some moms feel this only in the early days of breastfeeding and then the feeling fades. Others feel letdown during each feed throughout breastfeeding.
- A sudden fullness or warmth.
- Dripping from the other breast. Keep breast pads handy because letdown usually happens simultaneously in both breasts.
- An adjustment in your baby’s sucking rhythm as they change from short, quick sucks to longer paced-out sucks when the milk flows and they start to swallow.
- A sudden thirst. Researchers aren’t sure why this happens, but it may be due to the release of oxytocin.
There’s a lot going on in your body when letdown happens. Since we’re each unique in our experience of and response to pain, it’s not surprising that some people feel more discomfort than others.
Remember that it can take some time for your body to adjust to the new sensation. Over time, many breastfeeding parents notice less discomfort during letdown.
That said, there are several causes that can make letdown painful. Happily, there are also solutions.
Forceful letdown
If too much milk flows quickly out of your breast, it can cause pain during the release. Additionally, it can causes issues as your baby will struggle to swallow it all.
Try these tricks to slow down the flow:
- Use your hand or a breast pump to express some milk and capture the first letdown before you settle down to breastfeed.
- Work with gravity. Recline or lay on your back and put your baby on your chest to feed. Your milk flow will be slower with your baby sucking against gravity.
- Alternate breasts at each feeding.
Engorgement
Your body is hard at work learning to produce milk in the quantities your baby needs. Until it learns, you may find that supply exceeds demand. If your breasts are hard and swollen, the letdown reflex can be more painful.
If this is happening to you, consider:
- Expressing a small amount of milk to ease the tenderness. Using a warm compress or expressing milk in the shower can help soften the breasts.
- Applying cold cabbage leaves to your breasts between feeding sessions. Why? It may be that plant compounds in the cabbage have anti-inflammatory effects that can help reduce swelling. Favor green cabbage over purple so that you don’t stain your clothing.
- Feeding regularly. Skipping feeds can increase engorgement.
Clogged milk ducts
Milk that’s trapped in the breast and cannot get out will let you know that it’s there. You may feel pressure and a hard lump in your breast or underarm area where the milk is clogged or blocked.
If you suspect a blocked duct:
- Try to release the blockage with warm compresses, hot showers, and gentle massage.
- Increase your feedings and massage gently at the blockage while your baby is nursing. It works wonders.
- Experiment with different feeding positions to release the clog.
- Begin each feed on the affected breast.
Blebs
Sometimes, you’ll notice small white spots on your nipples at the end of a milk duct. These “milk blisters” or “blebs” are filled with hardened milk. Just as with clogged milk ducts, you can release the milk using with warm compresses and hot showers.
Mastitis
Noticed red streaks on your breast? Feel like you have flu and that you need some chicken soup? It may be mastitis, a breast infection. Sometimes a clogged duct or other issue can lead to an infection in the breast.
Don’t try to treat this on your own because a breast infection can require antibiotics. It’s important that you see your doctor or midwife for prompt treatment.
In the meantime, you can follow the suggestions above for a clogged duct to alleviate discomfort. Continue to breastfeed and rest as much as possible.
Sore nipples
Check that your baby is latching on correctly. If they aren’t your nipples will most likely become red, sore, and cracked. The discomfort from sore nipples can intensify during letdown.
If you’re struggling with sore nipples:
- Promote healing by dabbing some of your breast milk, lanolin, olive oil, or coconut oil onto your nipples after each feed.
- Experiment with different holds.
- Use cool compresses to reduce swelling.
- Seek assistance from a lactation consultant to improve your latch.
Thrush
This yeast infection is usually caused by a fungus called Candida albicans. It can make nipples appear red or shiny, or they may not look any different than normal. It can also make your nipples crack and hurt horribly.
If you feel burning, itching, or sharp shooting pains, you may have thrush. Since thrush spreads very easily, it’s most likely that your baby has thrush too. Peep into their mouth. A white, stubborn coating on the gums or the inside of your baby’s cheeks will confirm your suspicions. Keep in mind that it is normal to see a thin coating of milk on your baby’s tongue.
Turn to your medical practitioner for help as both you and your baby should be treated with antifungal medication.
Vasospasms
Vasospasms can happen in different parts of the body when the blood vessels tighten and go into spasm, preventing the blood from flowing normally. When this occurs in the nipple area, you’ll feel sharp pain or stinging in the nipple.
Vasospasms can happen from exposure to the cold or simply because your baby isn’t latching on correctly.
If you’re feeling vasospasms in the nipple:
- Try warming up your breasts using breast warmers or a gentle olive oil massage.
- Check to ensure you have a good latch. See a lactation consultant if needed.
- Talk to your medical practitioner about supplements or medications that may help.
Injury
Giving birth can strain all sorts of muscles, including the chest muscles that support your breasts. This injury can intensify pain felt during the letdown reflex.
Uterine contractions
We’re back to oxytocin. This multifunctional hormone also makes your uterus contract, especially in the first week or 10 days after birth. The good news is that this is a sign your uterus is returning to its normal size and place. The not-so-good news is that these contractions can get harder and last longer with each subsequent birth.
These contractions can become more painful during letdown. If you’re in pain due to uterine contractions:
- Use a heating pad to reduce discomfort.
- Consider taking acetaminophen (Tylenol) or ibuprofen (Advil).
The hours that you and your baby spend snuggling down to breastfeed are probably some of the most precious hours that you’ll spend together. Here’s what you can do to maximize your comfort.
Easing the letdown reflex
- If you take a warm shower or bath before you breastfeed, you’ll give your letdown reflex a head start. Don’t be surprised if your milk starts dripping before you get dry!
- Short on time? Press a warm, wet towel to your breasts or massage them gently.
- Relax. Sit or lie down and breathe out the stress. You deserve to enjoy this.
- Undress your baby and place them on your chest skin-to-skin with you.
- Cuddle your baby and breathe in that sweet baby smell.
- Condition yourself. Your body will learn to respond to cues that you associate with breastfeeding. Follow a set routine before you start: make a cup of tea, put on some soft music, and breathe deeply.
General tips
- It’s hard to time feedings, especially at first. But you can try to take acetaminophen or ibuprofen 30 minutes before feeding time to ease pains.
- Invest in comfortable nursing bras. They’re the tools of the trade and can help avoid pain and clogged ducts.
- Invest in a rocking chair or other comfortable spot to breastfeed.
- Work with a lactation consultant to solve persistent problems.
- Keep a bottle of water handy so you can stay well hydrated.
It’s not just you. At first, the letdown reflex can be a real pain in the breast. Hang in there because this pain should be temporary.
But don’t ignore symptoms or signs that the discomfort you’re feeling could be something more. And don’t forget to slip your breast pads into your bra or else you may find that the front of your shirt is suddenly wet.
Painful disappointment: is it normal to get sick like that? What is disappointment?
- Strong disappointment
- Swelling
- Blockage of the milk ducts
- Blebs
- Mastitis
- Sore nipples
- thrush 9009 spasms of blood vessels0010
- Trauma
- Uterus contractions
- Weakening of the Reflex of Disappointment
- General tips
We took a sort of capture, your child does not bite, but still - EI - EI - EI - EI. , it hurts! It's not something you've done wrong: the painful frustration reflex can sometimes be part of your breastfeeding.
But the good news is that as your amazing body adjusts to this new role, the frustration reflex should be painless. If not, something else might be wrong. Let's see what you need to know. nine0005
What is disappointment?
Think of the frustration reflex as an elaborate dance in which you and your child are partners. Your body reacts to your baby's actions when he starts eating or screaming with hunger. Sometimes even the thought of breastfeeding, touching the breast, or using a breast pump can start the process.
When your body receives a signal from your baby, it triggers nerves in your nipple and areola. These nerves send messages to the pituitary gland in your brain, signaling it to release oxytocin and prolactin into the bloodstream. nine0005
So what do these hormones do? Prolactin signals the alveoli in the breast to remove sugar and protein from the blood and produce more milk.
Oxytocin causes the cells around the alveoli to contract and expel milk into the milk duct. Oxytocin also dilates the milk ducts so milk can flow more easily.
What does disappointment look like?
Your milk actually leaks several times in one feeding, but you will probably only feel it the first time. Some moms feel the frustration reflex seconds after their baby starts suckling. Some feel it only after a couple of minutes. And some don't feel anything at all. nine0005
Like everything in our bodies, there is no set schedule or expectation to follow.
Here's what you may notice:
- A prickling sensation similar to a prickling sensation. And, yes, it can be confusingly intense and even painful. Some mothers feel this only in the first days of breastfeeding, and then this feeling fades away. Others feel frustrated at every feed throughout the breastfeeding.
- Sudden fullness or warmth.
- Dripping from other breast. Keep breast pads handy because milk flow usually occurs in both breasts at the same time.
- Adjusting your baby's sucking rhythm when they go from short, fast sucks to longer sucks as the milk flows and they start to swallow.
- Sudden thirst. Researchers are not sure why this happens, but it may be related to the release of oxytocin. nine0010
What causes painful frustration and can it be cured?
When disappointment happens, a lot happens in your body. Since each of us is unique in our experience of pain and response to it, it is not surprising that some people feel more discomfort than others.
Remember that your body may take some time to adjust to new sensations. Over time, many breastfeeding parents notice less discomfort during hot flashes. nine0005
However, there are several reasons why disappointment can be painful. Fortunately, there are solutions.
Very frustrated
If too much milk flows out of the breast quickly, it can cause pain during the discharge. Also, it can cause problems as your child will struggle to swallow it all.
Try these tricks to slow down the flow:
- Use your hand or breast pump to express some milk and capture the first milk flow before breastfeeding. nine0010
- Working with gravity. Sit back or lie on your back and place your baby on your breast for feeding. The flow of milk will be slower if the baby sucks against gravity.
- Alternate breasts at each feed.
Swelling
Your body is hard at work learning to produce enough milk for your baby. Until he learns, you may find that supply exceeds demand. If your breasts are hard and swollen, the frustration reflex may be more painful. nine0005
If this is happening to you, think:
- Expressing a small amount of milk to reduce tenderness. Using a warm compress or expressing milk in the shower can help soften the breasts.
- Applying cold cabbage leaves to the breast between feedings. Why? It is possible that the plant compounds in cabbage have anti-inflammatory effects, which may help reduce swelling. Opt for green cabbage over purple so you don't stain your clothes. nine0010
- Regular meals. Skipping feeds can increase engorgement.
Blocked milk ducts
Milk that is stuck in the breast and cannot come out will let you know it is there. You may feel pressure and a hard lump in your chest or underarms where milk is clogged or blocked.
If you suspect a blocked duct:
- Try warm compresses, hot showers, and gentle massage to clear the blockage.
- Increase the number of feedings and gently massage the blockage while the baby suckles. It works wonders. nine0010
- Experiment with different feeding positions to get rid of blockages.
- Start each feeding on the affected breast.
Blebs
Sometimes you will notice small white spots on the nipples at the end of the milk duct. These "milk blisters" or "bubbles" are filled with hardened milk. Just as with blocked milk ducts, milk can be expelled with warm compresses and hot showers.
Mastitis
Notice the red stripes on your chest? Feeling like you have the flu and need chicken broth? It could be mastitis, a breast infection. Sometimes a blocked duct or other problem can lead to a breast infection. nine0005
Do not try to treat this yourself because a breast infection may require antibiotics. It is important that you contact your doctor or midwife for prompt treatment.
In the meantime, you can follow the instructions above for a clogged duct to relieve discomfort. Continue breastfeeding and rest as much as possible.
Sore nipples
Make sure your baby latch on properly. If it doesn't, your nipples are more likely to become red, sore, and cracked. Discomfort from sore nipples may increase during relaxation. nine0005
If you struggle with sore nipples:
- Promote healing by applying a little breast milk, lanolin, olive or coconut oil to your nipples after each feed.
- Experiment with different holds.
- Use cool compresses to reduce swelling.
- Seek help from a lactation consultant to improve breastfeeding.
thrush
This yeast infection is usually caused by a fungus called . This may cause the nipples to become red or shiny, or they may look the same as usual. It can also cause your nipples to crack and hurt terribly. nine0005
If you feel burning, itching, or sharp shooting pains, you may have thrush. Because thrush spreads so easily, it's likely that your child has thrush too. Look into their mouths. White, persistent plaque on the gums or inside of your child's cheeks will confirm your suspicions. Keep in mind that it's normal to see a thin layer of milk on your baby's tongue.
Seek help from your healthcare provider as both you and your child should be treated with antifungal medications. nine0005
vasospasm
vasospasm can occur in various parts of the body when blood vessels constrict and constrict, preventing the normal flow of blood. When this happens in the nipple area, you will feel a sharp pain or burning sensation in the nipple.
Vascular spasms can occur due to exposure to cold or simply because your baby is not breastfeeding properly.
If you experience vasospasm in the nipple area:
- Try warming your breasts with breast warmers or a gentle massage with olive oil. nine0010
- Make sure you have a good latch. If necessary, contact a lactation consultant.
- Talk to your doctor about supplements or medicines that can help.
Injury
During childbirth, all kinds of muscles can tighten, including the pectoral muscles that support the chest. This injury can increase the pain felt during the relaxation reflex.
Uterine contractions
We are back to oxytocin. This multifunctional hormone also causes the uterus to contract, especially in the first week or 10 days after childbirth. The good news is that this is a sign that the uterus is returning to its normal size and place. The bad news is that these contractions can intensify and last longer with each subsequent birth. nine0005
These contractions may become more painful during relaxation. If you experience pain due to uterine contractions:
- Use a heating pad to relieve discomfort.
- Consider taking acetaminophen (Tylenol) or ibuprofen (Advil).
How to make breastfeeding more comfortable
The hours you and your baby spend cuddling up to breastfeed are probably some of the most precious hours you'll spend together. Here's what you can do for maximum comfort. nine0005
Decreased frustration reflex
- Taking a warm shower or bath before breastfeeding will give your frustration reflex a head start. Don't be surprised if your milk starts dripping before you're dry!
- Short term? Press a warm, damp towel against your chest or massage it gently.
- Relax. Sit or lie down and exhale the stress. You deserve to enjoy it.
- Undress your baby and place him on your chest, skin to skin. nine0010
- Hug your baby and breathe in that sweet baby scent.
- Condition yourself. Your body will learn to respond to the signals you associate with breastfeeding. Before you begin, follow the established routine: make a cup of tea, turn on some soft music, and breathe deeply.
General advice
- Feedings are difficult to time, especially at first. But you can try taking acetaminophen or ibuprofen 30 minutes before a meal to help ease the pain. nine0010
- Invest in comfortable nursing bras. These are the tools of the trade that can help avoid pain and blocked ducts.
- Get a rocking chair or other comfortable place to breastfeed.
- Work with a lactation consultant to address persistent problems.
- Keep a bottle of water handy to stay hydrated.
Conclusion
It's not just you. At first, the reflex reflex can be a real chest pain. Hold on, because this pain is meant to be temporary. nine0005
But don't ignore the symptoms or signs that the discomfort you're feeling could be something more. And don't forget to put breast pads in your bra, otherwise you might find that the front of your shirt is suddenly wet.
HealthMaternal disappointment: what to do? - mama.ru
How to avoid emotional burnout as a result of disappointment in motherhood? About this text by lactation consultant and gestalt therapist Irina Artemyeva
Disappointment in motherhood lies in wait for a new mother from the very beginning. Somewhere else on the outskirts of the girlfriend hint that not everything is as rosy as you want. The older relatives smile sympathetically. They promise to help. They talk about something like this in courses for pregnant women: burnout, recovery, support for loved ones. Some mothers shared that they felt vaguely that there was some kind of catch.
Disappointment can hit hardest those who are called perfectionists. I'm not just talking about careerists, excellent students. Convinced hippies, scientists, athletes are equally prone to perfectionism; this is generally a sign of our age. And it is the desire to be a good mother in the rigid framework of ideas about how it is possible and how it is impossible that often makes mothers unhappy. nine0005
The desire to be a good mother to your child and live happily ever after together may be what pushes you to have a child. Multiply the beauty in the world and create something new from the fullness of life with your spouse. This is where some illusions about how you will live are born. Nothing like that, just a mode, for example.
Ideas about how well and healthy to raise a child, you can remember the sea. There are their own, and there are those suggested by older relatives or even writers like Michel Auden or Gordon Neufeld. For example, planting, so that without diapers. Or like walking for three hours in the park. Photo sessions with a beautiful elegant baby. Learn to play sports, write poetry, play chess, travel, play the guitar. nine0005
Or like this: to smile at the baby, just waking up in the morning, to massage, to sing songs and tell stories, to raise the baby contented and happy. To be a stable support and main attachment for the child. Do not scold, do not shout, do not accuse, do not grumble, and that's it.
In fact, it often turns out that this particular baby is not going to participate in the marathon called "happy motherhood", and did not agree, and does not want to, and in general. He does not want to sleep in his own crib, or does not want to sit in a sling, and does not drive a car, and burps in such a way that there is no sense in dressing smartly. And he can often get sick, cannot tolerate pets, snore, or somehow does not fit into expectations. It seems that I am writing about marital relations) But no. nine0265 Some babies for the time being agree to play “by the rules” - well, mom, if you want, then I agree. Later - I agree, but what will I do for it? And then - well, no, only without me!
Other children show everything at once. So it is easier, you can immediately understand that everything did not go according to plan and live with the child, looking at his real moods, desires and reactions. Discovering that a child is not like no dreams and fantasies to meet, is not so difficult. Rather inevitable. Detect, bump into this discrepancy, stand in bewilderment and somehow survive. It would be nice to take care of yourself, of course. nine0005
It is much more difficult to discover that you are not the mother you would like to be. A mom who doesn't want to play. Walk. To read. Not a kind and not a cheerful mother. Mom, who does not follow the regime very clearly. A mom who doesn't want to clean up. Who do not want to breastfeed, finally.
A rather painful failure to live up to one's expectations, after prolonged attempts to pull a diver onto a porcupine, leads to a conflict - this is what is called an internal conflict. And you know, it's good when they notice it. An unnoticed conflict is felt as a painful state, a feeling of dissatisfaction, sadness and apathy. In my experience, these conditions are familiar to many mothers of toddlers. In consultations that seem to be about breastfeeding, and in massage sessions, this topic is raised incredibly often. nine0005
And finally, a woman suddenly notices that her ideas about herself-mother and reality differ so much that the idea of life with a child crumbled like a house of cards, that the child himself is generally different than she thought. Usually this realization is very upsetting and upsetting. Not a minute, no, more like a week. Thus comes disappointment in one's very important qualities and traits. Disappointment is followed by impotence and relief. Through the inability to change and reshape yourself and the child. nine0265 If a mother is kind to herself and loyal, she will notice that the way she is, she is also good, like a mother. Not the way you dreamed. With other needs, with other desires, and even with other virtues than we would like. And motherhood, which I wanted, turned out to be completely different. With any luck, mom will notice the reality. Himself and the child in reality.
The relief at this moment is beyond words. Relief from the fact that I shouldn’t, and he shouldn’t either, we both shouldn’t live according to made-up rules (ideas) and can live a little “just like that”.