How were you spanked as a child

Were you spanked, and how? (28 answers)

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I used to get spankings, until I was about 16, from my Mom. That was five years ago since the last time she did it. Actually, I don't think it was a bad thing, looking back, though I hated it at the time! She usually (not always) spanked me bare bottomed and sometimes used the hairbrush after I was about 12.

I am just curious how others got spanked? Until what age? Were you spanked bare bottomed? What do you think of it now? I am not talking about abuse, that is wrong. I just mean spanking on the bottom. I know others disagree, but I am kind of glad my parents disciplined me instead of letting things run wild.

Answer #1
I was spanked both at school and at home until I graduated from high school. In high school my vice principal administered between 5 and 24 punishing swats, the latter when two severe back-to-back spankings were laid on hard with a 42 inch perforated hardwood spanking paddle with parental blessing across my skyward, bare, prone behind. I shed many tears under that instrument. At home mom preferred a three foot semi flexible switching staff on my naked cheeks while dad favored a two and a half foot oaken paddle to the exposed buttocks until I was awarded the 42 incher from my school on my last day of my senior year after my final school spanking. This became the preferred spanking device for both parents thereafter. During the summer between high school and college I was spanked to tears several times by both mom and dad for curfew violations, minor drug use and other misbehaviors. Just after my junior year in college I suffered the mortification of having a large group of my male and female friends and peers walk by the house while I was naked and upended over the back of a love seat and in the midst of a tough and thorough beating which had long since reduced me to an intensive tearful wailing. I was just getting teased about that even today from my now girlfriend who was among the peers who witnessed part of my punishment at the age of 22. Believe it or not I have been spanked a handful of times in the four years since then.
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Answer #2
I grew up in a catholic family that believed in the power of a good spanking to change bad behavior. My parents were the kind of people who had James Dobson's "Dare to Discipline" on the book shelf. They also had two heavy duty wooden spoons that hung on the kitchen wall that were never used for cooking - not food anyway. The spoons had my name and my brother's name painted on them. Relatives and friends of my parents who saw them hanging on the wall knew exactly what they were used for, some people would even start conversations about them. It was so embarrassing. While we weren't spanked often, maybe once a year, when we were it was always a very memorable experience. If my parents decided that my brother or I, or both of us deserved a spanking my dad would send us to the bedroom my brother and I shared. He would go to the kitchen and retrieve the wooden spoons. He would enter our room, spoons in hand, and the begging and pleading would start. He would set the spoons down on our beds and bare us from the waist down. Then he would make us sit next to our spoons, bare bottomed, and make us wait for one hour. It was horrible. Eventually the time would come and my dad would return to our room. He would make us stand up and then, one at a time, he would have us hand him the solid spoon, bend us over his knee, and put the spoon to work. Needless to say, the house was a very noisy place for quite some time.
Answer #3
I was, and still am at 26, spanked when I misbehave. As recently as this past Friday night when I stayed out till two AM I was repeatedly and sharply slapped across my face, vigorously bawled out, ordered to strip to my altogether, dragged by my ear to the back of the living room love seat and blistered long and hard upon my skyward tush with my old perferated 3 and 1/2 foot high school paddle while I balanced over the back of the couch. It was My mother who punished me this time but my aunt, uncle and girlfriend also discipline me when I am deemed to be deserving. My friends think it unusual and hilarious when they chance to overhear me getting it as has happened more then once over the years (walking by the house while I was getting well tanned this past April). In defense of my disciplinarians I should point out that I have had a history of behavioral problems requiring correction as reported over the years from high school officials , police, neighbors, friends and their parents, jail, probation officers, dorm floor managers and the university dean.
Answer #4
Yes, I was spanked fairly regularly as a little boy by my mum (up until age 12). She always took me to the bathroom, bared my bottom, put me over her knee and smacked my bottom about 10 times with her hand. I always cried so it must have hurt a bit but it was nothing like as severe as some of my friends got. It probably happened on average about once every six weeks or so and although I didn't like it at the time, I always deserved to be punished and I'm kind of glad I was spanked in retrospect. On 3 occasions only, my dad gave me the slipper - about 8 whacks on the bare bottom ages 10, 11 and 12 for more serious transgressions. Although I guess I got quite a lot of spankings growing up, usually the threat was enough to make me behave. My mum definitely threatened it quite a lot and often in front of other people which definitely made me behave 'do you want your pants taken down?' was a common question.
Answer #5
I was spanked on and off till I was 13. they were always bare bottomed and over the knee with a wooden spoon. It was always handy in the kitchen where the spanking took place. But one day when I was 16 i came home drunk. My mother told me to go to bed and she would deal with me in the morning. I sleep till about 11 and came down stairs and there on the kitchen table was a wooden hairbrush. Mom said have some coffee. After about half an hour she said you think your all grown up drinking well I am going to show you different. After all the begging/pleading she yanked my shorts down and flipped me over her knee. my head was pounding but my bottom felt even worse. While I was standing in the corner of the kitchen with my bare bottom on display for 10 minutes. She told me I could expect this more often from now on, but that was the last spanking I got
Answer #6
I was spanked fairly regularly through high school-both at school and at home and less frequently after graduation. At school I was usually paddled in my briefs or bare bottom with anywhere from 5 to 12 pops from a three and a half foot perferrated hardwood paddle which left bruises an blisters. At home my mother uses a three foot semi flexible cane while my dad favored a solid two and a half foot paddle until I was awarded the three and a half footer on the last day of my senior year in high school which he now favors Odd as I know it seems, now that I have completed college and am temporarily at home I have become acquianted with the old high school paddle again in the hands of both mother and father bare bottomed on three occasions since, I still yelped in pain after a dozen blows but the spankings of late have become longer. lol,
Answer #7
yes I got the hairbrush also, a wooden spoon was popular, and my dad had this old leather strap, I also got the belt, and a paddle (mostly at school), the hand, and my favorite was when my grandma had me go pick my own switch that only took roughly 2 hours. I can remember being so nervous about getting a spankin, but after it was over it was such a relief and really wasn't that bad. Personally I didn't have to get spanked all the time, but there were times (like starting a fire) that totally called for a spanking according to my parents. The best was when I was little and not as nervous, I would run from my mom and this caused for a lot of ankle spankings because she couldn't catch me, and would swing the belt towards me and it would sometimes get me on the ankles. I don't think I will spank my children (when I have them)
Answer #8
Yes, I was spanked until about the age of 16 or so. Dad as a rule always took his belt to us and although it hurt like hell, lol, it certainly wasn't abusive. I deserved each and every lash I got, and probably deserved more at times. Growing up in a home where it was common knowledge that if you misbehaved a good spanking with the belt was what you received for your misbehavior made us less likely to get in trouble. Unlike what those anti-spanking morons believe. I wish someone would explain to me how if spanking for discipline doesn't work then how come crime rates keep soaring higher and higer annually? I think the government needs to mind their own business, and allow loving and responsible parents to "whip" american kids back into shape.
Answer #9
I was smacked (spanked) on a regular basis up2 the age of 14 then I went in2 care I didnt just get a smack on the bottom it wud b where ever they said it wud hurt me more I also go the belt hard backed brush or hard backed slipper an even on the odd occasion I got the cane I hated it every time but what cud I do if I tried 2 move so I didnt get a smack id get it 10 times worse I dont have a problem with spanking I think on the bottom is fine if you have gud reason 4 it but I dont agree with going overboard an useing objects 2 hit with at the end of theday we was kids an cant defend ourselfs so I think spanking on the bottom with the hand is fine as long as its not hard enough 2 leave a mark but 2 use objects an that then I dont agree with it
Answer #10
well- yes I was spanked until I was about 11 years old- sometimes bare bottomed- sometimes not- but always with my fathers thick leather belt. sometimes it was a legitimate spanking- most times it was abusive- my father getting out his frustration by spanking me. now as an adult- I can see the excessiveness involved, but I do believe that there has to be an element of fear involved in a spanking to keep the child in line . I don't believe in time-outs, I believe in a firm- but not excessive spanking with maybe a ruler or something similiar. the old addage- spare the rod spoil the child does ring true. and switches- I won't even go there- but to those who know what I am talking about-OOOUUUCCCHHH!!!
Answer #11
No I wasn't. I remember one time I hit the boy next door and my mom told me to go to my room and wait for my dad to get home. I thought I was finally going to get a spanking just like every other kid my age. I was terrified. When he came into my room that night he asked me what happened. I told him and I started to cry. He told me not to do it again and hugged me. Would most kids have gotten a spanking for that? I was never spanked for anything. I don't know if I was just a good kid or my parents didn't believe in it. Anyway, I've always felt like I missed out on a rite of childhood. I know that sounds weird.
Answer #12
No I wasn't. I remember one time I hit the boy next door and my mom told me to go to my room and wait for my dad to get home. I thought I was finally going to get a spanking just like every other kid my age. I was terrified. When he came into my room that night he asked me what happened. I told him and I started to cry. He told me not to do it again and hugged me. Would most kids have gotten a spanking for that? I was never spanked for anything. I don't know if I was just a good kid or my parents didn't believe in it. Anyway, I've always felt like I missed out on a rite of childhood. I know that sounds weird.
Answer #13
I was 15 the last time I got one. we got it with a paddle but it was a little paddle so it didnt hurt much and it had a funny picture of 2 fat girls on it that were getting spanked. when we were going to get one it was usually after dinner. I would have to get the paddle out of the closet and take it to my room and take off my pants and boxers and wait for what seemed like forever but was only like 10 minutes. when he came in I had to bend over a chair and put my hands on the seat and I wasnt allowed to move at all until it was finished and I had to count the licks out loud.
Answer #14
I got many spanking though none were bare bottomed. I would get a lick with a belt. My parents never left marks on me but it would hurt. I believe in discipline. To many people now let there kids run all over them because they believe spankings are the same thing as beating a child! I discipline my children. Not with a belt, she is 4, but I will smack that bottom a few times. I agree with baldwinwolf! Spare the rod spoil the child!!!
Answer #15
I was raised by a divorced mom and got spanked pretty regularly as a child when I was bad. My mother used a wooden spoon or two wooden rulers taped together (the rod of correction) on my bare butt. That was excruciatingly embarrassing and hurt like heck. I also got groundings and other punishments of course. All in all, I think her discipline methods were for the best.
Answer #16
I'm a straight man and I was spanked by my male boss for bad time keeping I was 47years old and he put me over his knee pulled down my pants and spanked my bare bottom after the first time he would find a reason to spank me bare I worked there for six years and got spanked often
Answer #17
I'm sixteen and I still get spanked once or twice a year. They're usually over jeans or panties unless my mom or dad are really mad.
My mom uses a hairbrush and my dad uses his hand although I've gotten the belt a few times.
Answer #18
I'm sixteen and I still get spanked once or twice a year. They're usually over jeans or panties unless my mom or dad are really mad.
My mom uses a hairbrush and my dad uses his hand although I've gotten the belt a few times.
Answer #19
I'm 17 and still accasionly spanked by my mum or dad, they have always been with my knickers pulled down, I think in the long run they have done me good and made me a better person, altho I never agree when it happens.
Nats
Answer #20
I was spanked till I was about ten by my dad and he wouldn't do it bare bottomed. he would just use his hand but one time in walmart he used one of the boots he was going to buy because I was being really bad
Answer #21
I was spanked about a total of 5 or 6 times and stopped at age 5 or 6. . I am never abused because I am good though.. I think wild little brats need a little spanking to put them in their place
Answer #22
I am a professional spanker and I think spanking kids should be at an absolute minumum. Only after as an adult in a consenting role is it beneficial. [email protected]
Answer #23
I was spanked until the age of 17. I was spanked with paddle or belt. My dad did use a razor strop on my last spanking. I was spanked bare bottom.
Answer #24
Yah,I was spanked as a younger child.It wasnt bare bottom,just a light spank on the butt.She always had good reason though.
Answer #25
I was spanked often by my girlfriends father over the knee on my bare bottom she would watch and say I got what I deserved
Answer #26
I get it all the time only when I'm wrong but not on bottomed. from that I learned right from wrong I'm good person now
Answer #27
Spank on the thigh, if you spank the butt you run the risk of missing and causing injury to the spine.
Answer #28
until I was about 9. then they realized it didn't work anymore.
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Were you spanked as a child?

ANSWERS: 73

Drastic

Yeppers!
Mangomat

Yep! And i will spank my children as well!! It worked for me!
Coffee Mugger belly up

Yes. I still don't believe it hurt them more than it did me... if they didn't believe in it they shouldn't have done it. Just a thought.
Dr. Disco

yeah. good discipline, i have to admit.
Anonymous

When I more than deserved it. Got my butt paddled at a public school too. That only had to happen once.
Captain Bill

Hell yeah and each time I probably earned it. Now-a-days, they call it abuse. Please! See all the hellian kids we have now?
King of Sexytown

I was in trouble so often that after a while I couldn't even feel them. I started getting grounded at a much earlier age than most.
-O-uknow

I was whipped!
FauxLo

I had the living crap beaten out of me as a child.
SarahLou

yep, I sure was.
Sosueme

Yeah I was a bad kid. Got spanked by my mom and the nuns. Interestingly, I kind of enjoy it now....kidding....not into that scene.
Will

No I waited until I was an adult. It's more fun now.
katydid15

I have absolutely no memory of being spanked as a child, but I always thought that it could happen.
macdjug-Paxvobiscum

Yep!! Way before the day of political correctness and teachers being charged with assault for touching a kid.Things were simpler then. :)
Jade

I was spanked twice that I can remember by my mom. I knew why and I didn't do what caused me to get the spanking again. I was whipped often (switches..bridles..sticks..whatever was handiest) by my stepfather for the least infraction, real or imagined. I had no respect for him, but I did fear him until I was in my teens. Then I rebelled. Spankings are one thing...whippings are something entirely different.
Wickels

Yes. But not very often.
Someguy

Yes. I was spanked, never beaten.
The Reverend Soleil

Yes. Why -- you forming a class action lawsuit or something?
JAMMco... its complicated...

Yes, yes I was. Not very often, but it was effective and always with restraint. I knew when it was going to happen and I knew how many hits I was going to get. I'm thankful that my father did it, and that he didn't let me do whatever the heck I wanted and that he set boundaries and enforced them. He didn't give empty threats and we had many more conversations than spankings... but he didn't spare them if they were needed. I was spanked as a kid, never abused.
Gonzo

Not spanked but I was smacked.
redcatt63 is freezing....

Yes I was, and I was bad and deserved it! There is a big difference between spanking/discipline and beating (abuse). So many people are afraid people will think they are abusing their kids, and don't spank/discipline at all. Perhaps that's why kids seem more ornery these days...no discipline, and total lack of respect.
BrokeDog

I'm in the same boat as "Jade". I was spanked by my Mom, until she remarried. Then I was beaten and abused by my step-dad! Many times my Mom stepped in and took the abuse herself, to keep him off of us. Fortunately, now she is free and happy! It probably caused me to be way to easy on my children, as they are really kinda spoiled. But, they ARE good people. I just feel for my oldest daughter, tho'. She did get spanked fairly regularly, but then I had severe back problems develop, and couldn't even hardly touch the other 2. My daughters give my son (the youngest) a real hard time because he was probably spanked 3 times in his life! But, like I said, they did turn out to be GOOD people, so we must have done something right, (or they turned out okay in spite of us, LoL)!
I love my baby

Both ends, one time.
Highlander is semi-retired from AB

Yes, lovingly.
Galeanda

Sure was, but mostly not in anger. It was a well arranged affair. I was told the consequences and if I disobeyed, I got a spanking when my father got home after an explanation. I think I was a child that needed to be spanked. It worked on me. Some children I think do well with groundings or just a talking to. Some need a more 'vigorous' demonstration:-)
centrator

I was not spanked, but my sister got screamed at lot by our mother because she (sister) was very fresh.
Chaysgirl24

Yeah! My step dad tried spanking me up until I was 13!
Chaysgirl24

Yeah I am going back to the casino! I interviewd yesterday and heard through the grapevine that I got the job, I am just waiting on them to get back to me so I can go take a UA!
anonymous

Yes, but only once or twice. Because of the infrequency, those spankings really stuck with me. I remember both times quite well, and I did work hard to keep from getting any more!
Peetee
Jennifer Jason

Um no... whipped would be a better description of what was done to me as a kid. My Dad hated having a girl and often I was the focal point of his daily irritations. I felt his belt across my bare butt more times than I can recount, usually when I had done nothing at all.
brandiE

Yup - It was my moms favorite way to punish me. She thought that spanking was an embarrassment tool and that bare bottom spanking would be even more embarrassing. When I was a "naughty girl" where ever we were no matter who was around she would bare my butt by pulling my pants and panties down and spank me. The usual was five swats but I could get additional swats depending on how bad it was. The weird part was I liked the attention and for some reason the whole embarrassment thing was cool to me too. The more public the better. I know its weird but I still kind of like it. Even then I would purposely misbehave around people in public to be a naughty girl. When I got older closer to when she stopped spanking me I would resist and often end up with my pants and panties completely off due to my struggling. Of course then it wasn't at all sexual, just a weird rush I felt. But my dad swears my mom doing that caused me to be weird about nudity and stuff. I do cause them grief I know.
shygirl

yes i was
altgirl84

To the best of my recollection, I do recall a few times. As an adult, many many more times and a lot more fun ;)
Kevisaurus is a Carnotaurus today

A few times I got my kiester spanked for being a bad boy.
nightsky56

Yes, but only three times that I remember. It was only used as a last resource and never out of anger.
GameTalkerGirl

Haha Yeah I was kinda bad xD but I learned my leason and I dont get spanked anymore
Samantha

yes i was, although i needed it badly! timeouts had no effect on me. now i have 6 children twins, triplets, and the oldest is not a multiple. i do spank them though and it seems to work.
DRLAURAHATER

All the time and I even had to go and get my own switch for my mother to use
Anonymous

Yes, and don't regret any of it. CPS needs to step back and let parentss discipline (NOT BEAT) their children. The BIBLE says in the book of Proverbs, "the rod of correction chases the foolishness out of a child". You wonder why our youth are so corrupt? Ask CPS.
Samantha

yes i was i was a horrible child my mom would take me to the bathroom and spank me till i cried if i didnt cry it would keep goin and if i fake cried (i did that often) shed take me out of the public restroom and walk me to the mens belt section make me take my own pants and underware off and spread my feet apart and grab my ankles and spank the crap out of my ass. i hated getting spanked in public it was so hummiliating and my mom did it even if i was a bad girl with a friend over. this continued till i was 10!
missyouknowwho1989

yes i was right up to the age of 18!!! i prob deserved em and in all fairness i certainly don't think they done me any harm, if anything they made me a better person. Sofie
Owl Zero

Not as far as I know.
wheels

Most definately, bottoms up across Mom's lap bare bottoms up until I was 12 or 13 regularly. And, into my teens for a foul mouth.
baddbuoy

No - and I'll always wonder what it would've been like. I read about it, dreamt about it, drew pencil sketches of it, even wrote little descriptions of traditional bare bottom spankings. But instead of getting my bum warmed, I was punished with the withdrawal of affection. My mother in recent years said that, yes, she would go ahead and spank me if she had it to do over again. I do know how it feels to be spanked - you bet I do. But never as a childhood punishment. :(
Broody

Yep and it still hurts today! :D
NOYB

Yes, even into my mid-teens!
anonymous

My mom did
Digitalbum

No and i have never hit mine.
KD Gargoyle

Yes, lots of times- i guess i was a naughty little girl. Can't blame me though, i was only a child!!!
English Gal is back.

I was hit as a child but sometimes it would go to far (i dont really want to go into details)in fact i was hit until i was 18(and pregnant)off my dad but at the time he used to drink alot ,when you are a child you blame yourself and convince yourself you deserved it ,but when i left home at 18 i realised i didnt and it has took me till the age of 30 to come to terms with what whent on and to move on i dont think there is anything wrong with a slap as long as that is all it is but there are otherways to punish children its just knowing what gets to them the most.
AnonymousGirl
Lisa Louise

I was smacked as a child when I over-stepped the mark, I don't hate my parents for doing it. I have a 6 year old of my own, I used to get frustrated with her when she was younger and used to smack her gently on her legs when she really over-stepped the mark. Now she is older, I can't remember the last time I smacked her, yes I shout at her and threaten to take privilages away if she doesn't do as she is told but I've never smacked her hard or even felt like I could bring myself to do that.
andblack

yes i was and if i could go back i wouldn't a thing those spankings save me from a lot of stuff. (tough love is just as good as tender love)
Anonymous

YES YES I WAS SPANKED AS A CHILD ON THE BARE BOTTOM WITH A BELT 50 TO 100 TIMES I WAS SPANKED RUFLY AROUND TWO TIMES A WEEK IT HURT SO BAD BUT YOU SHOULD DO IT TO YOUR KIDS CUZ THEY WILL BE REALY NICE OF YOU DO OH OH BUT DO NOT HIT TO HARD......
Anonymous

Dude I was not spanked!!!!!! I WAS WHIPPED!!!! I always got whipped with a belt. But I do think you should spank you children on the barbutt like me mom would but not with a belt!!!!!
Luigihi

Yes. I always got spanked hard by my dad with a wooden hairbrush on my pants, briefs, and bare.
Arielle

Yes i was, (adopted) Dad was always the one to do it and i was spanked (ALWAYS bare bottom)! and he also rubbed my bottom with sandpaper, for about 30 seconds, my bum felt like it was on fire!-VERY sore!. I was then stood in a corner hands on my head and bottom on fire!. Then Dad rubbed my bottom with cream (which was SO embarrassing-poking your bum out for your Dad to give it a good old rub with cream)! but i never refused!-it was too sore!. Infact i'de ask him to rub for longer as it was red raw and burning, i'de say "more cream please Daddy" and "Daddy PLEASE give it a REALLY good rub, an extra rub it's sooo sore"! he did but i don't know what was more red-my face or my bottom!. Then i said sorry but my bottom was sore for a good few days after he sandpapered it and i slept on my tummy for a few nights after. You could always tell if i'de been naughty cause Dad would be rubbing my bottom with cream or i'de have white cream smeared on my bottom!. I wanted a cuddle after it (as i loved him) and boy was i obedient-who wouldn't be? but it worked a treat!.
CHeeZie MC

yes. I dont see the big deal when people say your hurting them?! im only 14 and when i was little my dad made sure that i respect his authority. He didnt beat me either. Some of my peers need a good whoopin'
Crazychick

Yeah, loads of times.
Kenz the Frenz
Vittorio 'Sam' Manunta-Lowell

Hmm! Ouch ouch yea!
Bijou Pleasurette

Lots of times.
Anonymous

I got spanked at least a couple of times as a kid. My parents pretty much just used there hands, I was also spanked by some of my babysitters they used sticks and I was also spanked by one of my teachers back when I was a kid when my teacher did it to me she used a wooden paddle. When my teacher did it to me it wasn't really a punishment it was just so that I could see what it was like.
Linda Joy

Yes! Sometimes mom would grab whatever was handy to spank us with. Once she spanked me with a board that had a nail in it. She said it caught on my pants the first swat so she flipped it over and keep going.
Thinker

It was more like when wasn't I. I was spanked at least once each week and just in case I did something they didn't know about I got and extra one. Am I messed up or have the modern day excuses that I should be messed up for having spankings, well I am not! I thank my parents they loved me enough to discipline me when I needed it. I was never beaten only spanked.
pearllederman

yes and with a belt
Roaring

With a fly swatter or for more serious offenses a wide flat slightly curved wooden salad(spoon?). All mom had to do is head toward that drawer while angry at our behavior and we would shape up quick.
lavender

Yes, but only from my dad. My mom didn't believe in spanking.
Pearl Lederman

i got the belt instead
MichaelXD

I was just spanked for singing my ABC's in class in kindergarten when I was 5 years old. Now I call that serious REAL CHILD ABUSE.
pearllederman

yes and i got the belt too
Callmyname

“I was spanked, and nothing - I grew up normal”

For twenty years, psychologists watched parents who brought up their children with a belt - they did not beat, but spanked for edification and punishment. Science journalist Brian Resnick on Vox.com talks about attempts to prove that the centuries-old tradition of giving bream to children can satisfy only the parents themselves, but it won’t teach the child anything good for sure.

For twenty years, developmental psychologist Elisabeth Gershof has been studying this question: Does corporal punishment (in this case, spanking, not beating) do any real benefit to a child? Throughout the twenty years of research, psychologists have dealt with parents who routinely subject their children to corporal punishment.

Is it possible that well-meaning parents of all times and nations have done the right thing? Gershof answers “no” with confidence

In a recently published meta-analysis in the Journal of Family Psychology, Gershof and University of Michigan professor Andrew Croghan-Keillor went through 75 studies with a of 161,000 children and found that "there is no evidence that spanking is associated with improved child behaviour."

According to the analysis, "light" punishments are associated with disturbing outcomes - such as increased aggression, antisocial behavior

It can also lead to mental health problems later in life.

The size of the negative effects is small, the authors of the mathematical analysis note, and there is no conclusive evidence that corporal punishment is the cause of these behavioral abnormalities in adulthood. This absence is understandable: researchers can't run lab experiments that abuse children.

But Gershof suspects that slaps actually backfire. Well, or at worst - spanking does not bring any benefit to the life of a child. Vox journalist Brian Resnick discussed this issue with Gershof by phone and published the main points of this conversation in his article.

Why do you think so many parents spank their children?

I think there are two main reasons. First: parents think it works. And, as they think, it works because it causes an instant reaction from the child - he starts to sob. “Aha! He understood that I was angry." This satisfies the parent, he is rewarded by receiving a reaction from the child.

Another reason: we were brought up in exactly the same way. And we have grown up with the belief that this is an acceptable practice.

Why doesn't slapping help parents teach their child a lesson?

It may be mild, but it is still a form of violence. And violence changes the nature of relationships. Changes power dynamics and lets kids know it's okay to hit someone if you have power or authority.

First things first, children make the following conclusion: “You can hit to get what you want” and “You can use aggression”

Therefore, these same children in the circle of peers show aggression in order to get what they need.

It seems to me that research in this area is not an easy task. How do researchers find a connection between punishment and child behavior?

We ask parents how often they punish their children in this way. Further, we learn about the child's behavior both from the words of the parent and teachers, and with the help of the good old observation. We then use statistics to see how the punishment and behavior patterns are related.

Other researchers observed changes in the child's behavior over time. These studies have shown that the use of physical force makes children who are not aggressive by nature aggressive, and aggressive children even more aggressive.

What do you say to people who say this data only shows correlation, not causation?

Let's just say that if spanking were good for children in the real world, some research would have to find this effect. But so far, only one study out of 75 has linked spanking to positive outcomes.

But a lot of people who were spanked as children feel they are fine.

Let's be realistic, most of the people who punish their children this way have also been beaten as children. And as everyone likes to repeat to me: they survived it and grew up normal. Including me. It seems to me that a good person has grown out of me, despite the fact that I was spanked in childhood. The question is different: have other factors been taken into account that balance the effect of punishments?

I don't think spanking teaches us to be good people who care about others

Parents not only spank their children for days on end, but from them we also learn about values and morals, about sharing with other people, taking turns, thinking about the feelings of others.

Now we know that children need to be fastened with seat belts, and special car seats should be installed for minors. But those of us who grew up in the 70s rode in cars that didn't even have seat belts. Do I think my parents were bad because they didn't put my seatbelt on? No, of course not, because no one understood then how important it was. Do I think "I'm fine" because I wasn't wearing a seatbelt as a child? No, I think I'm lucky. Exactly the same logic applies to the issue of corporal punishment.

We're okay in spite of being spanked, not because of it. Significant difference.

If parents should not use physical force in the upbringing of children, what should they do when the child behaves disgustingly?

The problem is that there is no magic disciplinary panacea that works for all children in all situations and at all times. If the goal is to teach a child to behave in accordance with the norms, the most important thing is to teach. Explain to children why their behavior is wrong and what we expect from them in the future.

How will a child grow up if he was beaten as a child Anita Vayakanti

Physical abuse is violence, not a method of raising a child. I know that most parents understand the gravity and unconstructiveness of this “method” even without this article. But there are those parents who still cannot find another way to explain something to their child. And it's not just about the heavy beating. By physical violence, I also mean blows, slaps on the pope as well.

But let's look at what "violence" is and how it happens.

There is no clear definition of the concept of "violence", but if we analyze it in a broad sense, we get the following wording:
violence is a forced influence on someone in order to suppress the will and personality of the victim.

Instruments of violence: physical force, insult, humiliation, ignoring, prohibitions and other actions aimed at destroying and suppressing a person's personality.

How can violence be? Now, for each case of violence, its own category has been selected - psychological, physical, sexual, economic, political, etc.

We will focus on physical violence, although psychological violence is also traced in the upbringing of children and their relationship with their parents.

I'll tell you why I decided to write this article. The vast majority of my clients clearly understand that hitting a child is not an option. There are those who confess their mistakes and want to make things right. But, fortunately, most of the parents never set foot on this slippery path. I think that I'm just lucky with clients - you are all conscious, involved and, most importantly, ready to work TOGETHER, and not just come with the wording "do something with him." Thank you for that.

Relatively recently I saw an old friend, he lives abroad, he has no children of his own, but he is a very conscious, developed, intelligent young man. He and I rarely discuss parenting or psychology in general, but here we are talking about his four-year-old niece, whom he visited last summer.

According to a friend, the child is active, naughty, even angry 🙂. There are no boundaries in communication with parents, other children and outside adults. The child appears to be fighting. He beats mom, dad, his younger brother is trying to hurt somehow (fortunately, here parents are on the alert). And then a new adult arrived at the house, whom the baby does not remember, even though this is her uncle. Of course, she began to beat him too. My friend was not at a loss, once he said that he was not okay, two, and for the third time he hit the ass "not much" (c).

I'm sitting with my eyes wide open, thinking: "Well, how can it be. You are a smart, well-mannered, and most importantly, conscious person, but you act so recklessly and not in an adult way."

I will not burden you further with our dialogue, but I will only say one thing:

He just didn't know that a slap on the bottom does not show the child a causal relationship, but on the contrary provokes anger and aggression. But more than that, this slap is a slap of impotence and his adult incompetence.

So why do parents resort to this method of "education"?

The answer lies in 5 points:

Family traditions: "That's how I was brought up and it's okay how I grew up." I want to ask: "What?" Normal? Is normal equal to happy? Do you remember with joy the moments when you were beaten by the closest people? Which, in my opinion and the opinion of all experts, should be protected.
There is no time for education, and desires too.
Powerlessness. Parental incompetence, lack of banal knowledge and communication skills with children of different ages. Such parents show that violence is OK, even between the closest people. I have a question: why is it possible for them, but not for a child?
Revenge (unconscious). Revenge can be different: parents can take revenge on their parents for beating them, and beat their child (attributing all this to family traditions), or they can simply break down for their own failure on the baby with screaming, physical violence, ignoring, etc. .
Mental instability. Oh, this is generally the most painful category for me. Parents who are simply vital for strong emotions can beat, scream at their child until they are fed, and then they will cry and hug the baby together.

And please note that the reason is not the child, but the parents.

Why beating a child is useless

1. BORDERS DO NOT FORM

Any physical impact, for example, a single cuff, a push, a slap, a series of blows, the use of a belt, etc. - all this is a violation of the child's personal boundaries. The inner “I” of such a child is infringed, humiliated and even trampled. As a result, children who were beaten by their parents for educational purposes do not know how to defend and defend their own boundaries even in adulthood, they do not distinguish where is “alien” and where is “mine” (I'm talking about the inner world).

Who will grow up? A person dependent on the opinions of others who takes extraneous words too close to his heart. And when any word / action can hurt, then life is not very cool.

2. TRUST IN FAMILY MEMBERS IS NOT FORMED, AND AS A CONSEQUENCE TO THE WORLD

In my articles I often mention the concept of “basic trust in the world”, why it is needed and what it is formed by the mother (read my articles). Now, you can build this trust, but in the same way, with your harsh parenting methods, you can destroy it. All this negatively affects the socialization of the child and his future social role, any. The child grows insecure, aggressive (aggression as the best way to protect).

3. FEAR GENERATES ONLY FEAR

There is no question of any respect and understanding. Fear is the only thing you can achieve with your flip flops. Moreover, fear does nothing to help children learn and develop. A child who is in fear cannot absorb information normally, because he is focused on expecting punishment from his parents. It is even difficult for such a child to play with other children. In a word, he is constantly under stress.

Fear breeds fear. Children grow up hidden and do not share anything with their parents. What for? Suddenly they will also fly in for “this”?

But fear tends to pass, children quickly adapt to such living conditions and still continue to do what they want, because they DO NOT UNDERSTAND the reason for the refusal/prohibition: "Why can't I do this?"

That is, your actions now are short-term.

4. A CHILD'S "NECESSARY" BEHAVIOR IN THE SHORT TERM

A child may stop playing the tablet after a spanking and sit down to study, BUT he will not do it of his own free will, but only because of the fear of physical reprisals. And this will work with him only up to a certain age.

You do not instill in your child a desire to learn, you do not explain to him why it is so important to gain knowledge, but on the contrary, you instill in him a hatred for mathematics or playing the piano. Do you think spanking will help your toddler realize that playing on a tablet instead of doing homework is the wrong choice?

5. AGGRESSION GENERATES AGGRESSION

Nothing but that. No upbringing, awareness or whatever else is attributed to these physical actions in relation to the child. You raise the aggressor. Your example is his future model of communication with his children, with you, with his soulmate, etc.

The child, faced with parental aggression, concludes that all difficult situations must be resolved using force, aggression and intimidation. Because in another way he does not know how and does not even know how.

6. A CHILD'S SELF-ESTIMATION IS DESTROYED

Physical abuse is humiliation. The child cannot give you change. He generally learns to contact the world through you.
If the family is aggressive towards the child (any spanking is aggression), then what can he expect from the outside world? It is clear that this is how it should be. The world is evil, and I deserve this anger, because I am so bad. Others have the right to insult and offend me.

7. A CHILD GETS A DESIRE TO REVENGE

A child raised by parents with the use of physical force loses the sense of reality, as he lives in anger, fear and the desire for revenge. Often such children take revenge on their parents on their own children (I wrote about this above). That is, by their actions, parents spoil the life not only of their child, but also of their future grandchildren. Globally, right?

8. THERE MAY BE DELAYED IN DEVELOPMENT

There may be a vicious circle here. A child with a developmental delay annoys his parents with his lack of understanding, inhibition (these are the words that I heard from parents while doing an internship at an early intervention center) and instead of increasing their competence, gaining patience and mastering communication skills with a child, it is easier for parents to give the priest, because he will understand for sure.

What will we get? Nothing good. Such slaps on the buttocks cause apathy in children, stop any desire for development, especially in children with developmental delay, and violate their psychological health.

Such parents beat them only because they don't know how or don't want to learn differently. But often physical actions, on the contrary, provoke the disobedience of the child.

Do you understand? A slap, a punch, a push is not a way to show a child that he is doing wrong. This is just a way to humiliate, intimidate and break the personality of the baby.

Remember, physical punishment is primarily your weakness, not your strength . Try this to punish your boss or a colleague at work and see what happens.

Do you want to convey something to your child? Learn it! I write a huge number of articles and do it absolutely free. I also never refuse and answer parents' questions, if possible I give detailed recommendations and additional materials on their cases.

Read articles, apply knowledge to your family, become wiser and more aware. After all, you are now raising a new personality, the health (psychological) of which greatly depends on your attitude towards it.