How were you disciplined as a child
What’s the Best Way to Discipline My Child?
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Family Life
Family Life
As a parent, one of your jobs to teach your child to behave. It's a job that takes time and patience. But, it helps to learn the effective and healthy discipline strategies.
Here are some tips from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) on the best ways to help your child learn acceptable behavior as they grow.
10 healthy discipline strategies that work
The AAP recommends positive discipline strategies that effectively teach children to manage their behavior and keep them from harm while promoting healthy development. These include:
Show and tell. Teach children right from wrong with calm words and actions. Model behaviors you would like to see in your children.
Set limits. Have clear and consistent rules your children can follow. Be sure to explain these rules in age-appropriate terms they can understand.
Give consequences. Calmly and firmly explain the consequences if they don't behave. For example, tell her that if she does not pick up her toys, you will put them away for the rest of the day. Be prepared to follow through right away. Don't give in by giving them back after a few minutes. But remember, never take away something your child truly needs, such as a meal.
Hear them out. Listening is important. Let your child finish the story before helping solve the problem. Watch for times when misbehavior has a pattern, like if your child is feeling jealous. Talk with your child about this rather than just giving consequences.
Give them your attention. The most powerful tool for effective discipline is attention—to reinforce good behaviors and discourage others.
Remember, all children want their parent's attention.Catch them being good. Children need to know when they do something bad--and when they do something good. Notice good behavior and point it out, praising success and good tries. Be specific (for example, "Wow, you did a good job putting that toy away!").
Know when not to respond. As long as your child isn't doing something dangerous and gets plenty of attention for good behavior, ignoring bad behavior can be an effective way of stopping it. Ignoring bad behavior can also teach children natural consequences of their actions. For example, if your child keeps dropping her cookies on purpose, she will soon have no more cookies left to eat. If she throws and breaks her toy, she will not be able to play with it. It will not be long before she learns not to drop her cookies and to play carefully with her toys.
Be prepared for trouble.
Plan ahead for situations when your child might have trouble behaving. Prepare them for upcoming activities and how you want them to behave.Redirect bad behavior. Sometimes children misbehave because they are bored or don't know any better. Find something else for your child to do.
Call a time-out. A time-out can be especially useful when a specific rule is broken. This discipline tool works best by warning children they will get a time out if they don't stop, reminding them what they did wrong in as few words―and with as little emotion―as possible, and removing them from the situation for a pre-set length of time (1 minute per year of age is a good rule of thumb). With children who are at least 3 years old, you can try letting their children lead their own time-out instead of setting a timer. You can just say, "Go to time out and come back when you feel ready and in control." This strategy, which can help the child learn and practice self-management skills, also works well for older children and teens.
Spanking and harsh words are harmful and don't work. Here's why:
The AAP policy statement, "Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children," highlights why it's important to focus on teaching good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior. Research shows that spanking, slapping and other forms of physical punishment don't work well to correct a child's behavior. The same holds true for yelling at or shaming a child. Beyond being ineffective, harsh physical and verbal punishments can also damage a child's long-term physical and mental health.
- Spanking's unhealthy cycle. The AAP advises that parents and caregivers should not spank or hit children. Instead of teaching responsibility and self-control, spanking often increases aggression and anger in children. A
study of children born in 20 large U.S. cities found that families who used physical punishment got caught in a negative cycle: the more children were spanked, the more they later misbehaved, which prompted more spankings in response.
Spanking's effects may also be felt beyond the parent-child relationship. Because it teaches that causing someone pain is OK if you're frustrated—even with those you love. Children who are spanked may be more likely to hit others when they don't get what they want. - Lasting marks. Physical punishment increases the risk of injury, especially in children under 18 months of age, and may leave other measurable marks on the brain and body. Children who are spanked show higher levels of hormones tied to toxic stress. Physical punishment may also affect brain development. One study found that young adults who were spanked repeatedly had less gray matter, the part of the brain involved with self-control, and performed lower on IQ tests as young adults than the control group.
- Verbal abuse: How words hurt. Yelling at children and using words to cause emotional pain or shame also has been found to be ineffective and harmful. Harsh verbal discipline, even by parents who are otherwise warm and loving, can lead to more misbehavior and mental health problems in children.
Research shows that harsh verbal discipline, which becomes more common as children get older, may lead to more behavior problems and symptoms of depression in teens.
Learn from mistakes—including your own
Remember that, as a parent, you can give yourself a time out if you feel out of control. Just make sure your child is in a safe place, and then give yourself a few minutes to take a few deep breaths, relax or call a friend. When you are feeling better, go back to your child, hug each other, and start over.
If you do not handle a situation well the first time, try not to worry about it. Think about what you could have done differently and try to do it the next time. If you feel you have made a real mistake in the heat of the moment, wait to cool down, apologize to your child, and explain how you will handle the situation in the future. Be sure to keep your promise. This gives your child a good model of how to recover from mistakes.
Healthy & effective discipline tips by age/stage
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More information
- 15 Tips to Survive the Terrible 3's
- How to Shape and Manage Your Young Child's Behavior
- Disciplining Older Children
- How to Give a Time-Out
- Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children (AAP Policy Statement)
The information contained on this Web site should not be used as a substitute for the medical care and advice of your pediatrician. There may be variations in treatment that your pediatrician may recommend based on individual facts and circumstances.
How Were You Disciplined as a Child?
Welcome to Question of the Day.
It gives interns something to do!
You can't do anything these days. You can't build your house out of asbestos any more, you can't claim unemployment when you're working… pretty soon, you won't even be allowed to run out into a busy road with a bag on your head! Health and safety's got us by the balls.
Another thing you definitely can't do any more is discipline other people's children. Those halcyon days when you could go around slapping any child you wanted to are long gone. But, thankfully, there are still many living testaments to those simpler times walking around the streets of London. We asked them to regale us with stories from their childhood.
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Evelyn, 72, retired.
VICE: How did your parents discipline you as a child?
Evelyn: Smacking, for bad behavior. Also, we had a thing called "the Bogeyman." If I ventured past a certain street, my parents told me he would run off with me. It scared the living daylights out of me.
Lee, 33, barista.
Lee: Mom and Dad made me do chores. If I didn't do something I'd have to mow the lawn, or rake the back garden.
Did you ever have any run-ins with the law?
I used to wear bandanas and hang around outside, so the police always thought I was a gang member and would jump out of their cars when they saw me.
How about teachers at school?
I was mostly well behaved, but one teacher had the worst punishment. She'd make you fill up a one-gallon ice cream container with stones, one by one. She had everyone convinced that she could tell if you did it by the handful, or one by one.
That's insane.
Yes it is insane, but it bloody worked.
Andrew, 47, motorcycle courier.
Andrew: Mom was bad cop, Dad was good cop. If you didn't listen to your mother, then Dad was brought in.
Did they tell you any lies to deter you from getting in trouble?
My dad always had to have his own chair, which no one else could sit on because he had a war wound on his leg.
It was only when I grew up that I realized he would have been two and a half when the war ended.
Shit, he really took you for a pack of fools there.
Yes, he did.
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What were your teachers like at school?
I went to a grammar school—they just used their voices, really. You can tell by someone's tone of voice if you've crossed the line.
Ever get any heat from the cops?
No—I was terrified of the police when I was younger. I remember they told me off for riding on the pavement when I was ten, and I was terrified they were going to take me home and tell my dad.
Rachel, 27, entrepreneur.
VICE: How did your parents discipline you as a child?
Rachel: I remember my brother being disciplined quite a bit. He was the naughty one. My parents once threatened to take his Ghostbusters toys off him because he slashed the inside of our car with a knife.
Jesus. How about at school?
Me and my friends used to climb out of the windows and smoke weed in the park across the road. I remember one of the teachers saying: "I know what you do at lunchtime."
What do you think gave it away?
I dunno, but one time we decided to buy a cooked chicken from a supermarket and put it in our locker. The smell must have wafted down to the staff room. We got a week's detention for that.
Eric, 50, roof thatcher.
Eric: My parents were quite laid-back with me. My dad ran a pub, so I'd just go and hang out there.
What about your teachers? Any nasty ones?
Of course. I never really got into trouble, though. I got lines once for drawing a cartoon on my notebook.
Lines for a cartoon? That's pretty harsh. Do you have your own children?
Yes.
Are you strict with them?
My son is well behaved. He's actually graduating today, we're about to meet the Prince of Wales.
Wow, look at you. I guess those lines did the trick.
Previously - What's the Worst Lie You've Ever Told?
Online test: how were you brought up as a child?
Psychological, Tests
Contents
- 1 How to take the online test
- 2 How to get an online test answer
- 3 Recommended tests
This psychological test is intended for adults. Its goal is to identify destructive parenting patterns used by parents in childhood. This will allow you to work out children's complexes and experiences in adulthood. nine0003
Also, the result of completing the task will help to determine what impact the parenting model had on a person's life in adulthood.
How to pass the online test
If you are wondering how the model of upbringing chosen by your parents in childhood affected you in adult life, it is enough to answer 10 simple questions.
To complete a psychological test and get a detailed answer, follow 3 rules:
- Concentrate on completing the task.
nine0008 - Carefully read the questions of the psychology test.
- Indicate the most appropriate answers for each question of the psychological test.
To complete the task, you have to remember your childhood and analyze youthful memories. If you find it difficult to give an answer, trust your intuition. How much you can rely on it, you can find out with the help of this simple online test .
If you are ready to answer the psychological test questions, start the task now. nine0003
How to get an online answer in the test
To get the most accurate result, you can independently calculate which answer options are more in this psychological test: yes, no, or I find it difficult to answer.
Based on the received statistics, find out what your choice says in the vast majority of questions.
1. Can you remember 3 or more situations from your childhood when your parents gave you conflicting instructions and you could not immediately decide what to do? nine0003
Yes
Do not know
No
2.
Do you currently have the impression that you were brought up too strictly in childhood?
Yes
Do not know
No
3. Were you physically punished in early childhood?
Yes
Difficult to answer
No
4. Did your parents scare you with non-existent characters from fairy tales when you didn't obey?
Yes
Do not know
No
5. As an adult, do you think that in your youth your father or mother made excessive demands on you that you could not justify?
Yes
Difficult to answer
No
6. Have you been held up as an example of older, more obedient or talented children against whom you felt you were not “good” enough?
Yes
Do not know
No
7. Do you get the impression now that in your childhood your parents were more concerned about public opinion than about your feelings and desires? nine0003
Yes
Don't know
No
8.
Were you scared as a child by accidents that theoretically could happen if you don't do what mom or dad wants?
Yes
Do not know
No
9. Did your parents have conflicts with your closest relatives in your presence?
Yes
Difficult to answer
No
nineNo
2 comments
7 Signs That Your Parents Raised You Wrong
June 13, 2017 Books A life
Parents who take care of their children and constantly interfere in their affairs do it, of course, out of love. However, with their good intentions, caring mom and dad prevent children from becoming independent adults and succeeding in life.
Julie Litcott-Hames, in her book Let Them Go, talks about the consequences of overprotective parenting when they raise their children into delicate orchids, unable to survive in a cruel world without outside help.
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Below are seven signs that you were not prepared for life, but protected from it. If most of the points match, most likely, it was much harder for you to adapt to adulthood than for free peers.
Julie Litcott-Hames
First-year dean of Stanford University, author of Let Them Go, and mother of two teenagers.
1. They instilled the idea that you are safe only next to them
Behavior scenario
Parents are generally divided into two types. The first ones send you for a walk and don’t know where you disappear until the evening: on a playground in the yard, or in the nearest park, or at an abandoned construction site, or with a book on the porch. The latter control every step of their child. nine0003
Worried parents are understandable. Every day in the media there is information about some dangerous strangers who kidnap children or track them down through the Internet. Or about drivers who can knock down a child at a pedestrian crossing and run away.
Or about the millions of dangers that lie in wait for a child beyond the threshold of his home.
Instead of telling the child how to avoid or react to danger, parents cut him off from the world.
For example, they are not allowed to go outside without an escort. Nowadays, this anxiety has acquired new features: caring mom and dad call their children every 15 minutes or track their movements on GPS. nine0003
What does this mean for the future?
Julie Licott-Hames gives an example of a mother and son crossing the road. Mom looks left, right, left again and walks forward. The son follows her, without looking up from the smartphone and without taking out the headphones. Indeed, why look at the road if there is a person nearby who monitors his safety.
In the future it will be difficult for such a person to do without outside help. He lacks basic skills - the ability to navigate, notice danger, plan free time. After all, parents have always been involved in such things.
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2. They praised you too much
Behavior scenario
Well deserved praise is always good. It does not matter who it is intended for - a child or an adult. But when parents, with tears of delight, shout “well done” and “good guy” to a child who crookedly painted a stick man or brushed his teeth, this is already strange.
What threatens this in the future
Problems at work. The child develops a strong conviction: everything he has done is good. And even after many years, he believes that already for the fact that he came to work, he deserves a bonus and universal admiration. nine0003
Of course, it is important for a child to know that his parents love him. But whether it is necessary to write him a letter of thanks for each sneeze is another question.
3. They have chosen a sports section for you
Behavioral scenario
Sometimes parents send their child to the section not to have a good and useful time, but to achieve unprecedented heights in sports.
To become a tennis player, figure skater, football player or swimmer. Therefore, they choose specialization in early childhood - this way there are more chances for success. nine0003
What does this mean for the future
Children love a variety of physical activities: they are ready to swim, run and jump with equal pleasure. But if you force them to do one thing, the body will develop unevenly, the risk of injury will increase.
There are other difficulties. It’s not easy to get into big-time sports, which means you can forget about ordinary childhood. The life of a child turns into a series of constant training with short breaks for school.
But at every lesson, there are always a couple of loving fans in the stands who praise him, even if he can barely keep on skates or hits wide of the goal.
4. They interfered with children's games
Behavior scenario
Another situation that is more familiar to today's children than those who grew up in the 1990s and earlier.
These are scheduled games when the child goes to the playground with mom and dad.
Parents make sure that no one quarrels, no one is offended, and that all games are kind and correct. As soon as their child takes someone else's toy, parents run to return it and apologize. nine0003
The parents are so involved in the process that it seems as if they have come to the playground to play with other parents.
What threatens this in the future
What kind of independence can we talk about when parents set their own rules even in communication with peers? As an adult, it is difficult for such a person to strike up a conversation with strangers or come to a compromise at work.
The playground is the main place where the child learns to communicate. He figures out how to respond to conflict situations. For example, when a toy is taken away, he can take it from the opponent, arrange an exchange, or simply give it as a gift. nine0003
Children should have fun and negotiate among themselves, even if sometimes it ends with broken noses and knees.
No one has died from this yet.
5. They carefully monitored the completion of homework
Behavior scenario
The achievements of children often become a measure of the success of their parents. Therefore, they want to go to university more than their children.
Preparation for the main exams begins almost in elementary school. After the lessons, the study does not end, because the child is waiting for several hours of tutoring. Specialization, again, is chosen earlier and earlier. Already in the 6th-7th grades, parents determine the profession for a boy or girl and begin to train him intensively. nine0003
Which university are they going to send their child to? Of course, in the best (according to some ratings, the opinion of a neighbor or in which one you yourself wanted). Therefore, every homework must be done perfectly. Every evening they pore over textbooks together with the child, trying to remember the forgotten formulas from the school curriculum.
What this threatens in the future
The author of the book teaches at Stanford, so he knows to what extremes parents' concern for the education of their children reaches. Lytcott-Hames remembers sophomore Jamie, whom her mother takes very good care of: she wakes up every morning, reminds her of upcoming assignments and tests, and helps with her performance. Jamie always turns in her work on time and is a good student. Or is her mother studying? nine0003
The question is when a person becomes independent enough to plan tasks, choose a profession, deal with difficulties. When does he go to work? Or can a child be left alone only in retirement?
6. They did crafts for you at school
Behavior script
Do you ever get the feeling that school craft competitions are held to test the ingenuity of parents? Projects are carried out with such architectural and design precision that there is no doubt that only an adult can do it. It remains only to give the parent a certificate that not a single fourth-grader did better than him.
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What the future holds
A DIY competition is a vanity fair where parents want to demonstrate that their child is creative and talented. True, this creative person will be lucky if his parents allow him to serve glue.
In fact, competitions are needed so that the child can dream up, work with different materials: from LEGO to fir cones. This is necessary for the development of fine motor skills, the ability to design and present the final result. So who are parents trying to deceive: teachers at school or their child? nine0003
No one argues that parents will do it better, because they themselves once learned this. But the habit of doing the work of the child instead of himself may not let go in the future.
7. They treat you like a child, even now
Behavior scenario
For parents, we are always children. And when babies (who are no longer babies) enter the adult world, problems only become more. Already elderly parents solve them.
They continue to wake up children in the morning, prepare dinners, remind about meetings, fill out utility bills, look for a suitable companion or companion, take care of children… There is no time left for their own lives. nine0003
What threatens this in the future
Overprotection is tiring. And most of all, the parents themselves. Just imagine how tense they are from the moment you were born.
Constant physical and emotional overload leads to fatigue, anxiety, depression. Yes, since they care so much about you, they like raising children. But there is nothing good in the fact that they completely forget about themselves. When children leave their native nest, it becomes a real blow for caring parents. nine0003
Julie Litcott-Hames, in her book Let Them Go, writes about the harm that parents do to their children and themselves through overprotective behavior. She also offers alternative methods of education, which are designed to develop independence, confidence, purposefulness in offspring.
