How to treat child tantrums

Temper Tantrums (for Parents) - Nemours KidsHealth

Temper tantrums can be frustrating for any parent. But instead of looking at them as disasters, treat tantrums as opportunities for education.

Why Do Kids Have Tantrums?

Temper tantrums range from whining and crying to screaming, kicking, hitting, and breath-holding spells. They're equally common in boys and girls and usually happen between the ages of 1 to 3.

Some kids may have tantrums often, and others have them rarely. Tantrums are a normal part of child development. They're how young children show that they're upset or frustrated.

Tantrums may happen when kids are tired, hungry, or uncomfortable. They can have a meltdown because they can't have something they want (like a toy or candy) or can’t get someone to do what they want (like getting a parent to pay attention to them immediately or getting a sibling to give up the tablet). Learning to deal with frustration is a skill that children gain over time.

Tantrums are common during the second year of life, when language skills are developing. Because toddlers can't always say what they want or need, and because words describing feelings are more complicated and develop later, a frustrating experience may cause a tantrum. As language skills improve, tantrums tend to decrease.

Toddlers want independence and control over their environment — more than they can actually handle. This can lead to power struggles as a child thinks "I can do it myself" or "I want it, give it to me." When kids discover that they can't do it and can't have everything they want, they may have a tantrum.

How Can We Avoid Tantrums?

Try to prevent tantrums from happening in the first place, whenever possible. Here are some ideas that may help:

Give plenty of positive attention. Get in the habit of catching your child being good. Reward your little one with praise and attention for positive behavior. Be specific about praising behaviors you want to see happen more often (such as, “I like the way you said please and waited for your milk” or “Thank you for sharing the blocks with your sister. ”)
Try to give toddlers some control over little things. Offer minor choices such as "Do you want orange juice or apple juice?" or "Do you want to brush your teeth before or after taking a bath?" This way, you aren't asking "Do you want to brush your teeth now?" — which of course will be answered "no." Allow control when it doesn’t really matter. Instead of struggling over an outfit your child puts on that doesn’t match, for example, consider whether this may be an opportunity to allow self-expression and independence and if it really makes a difference given the day's schedule.
Keep off-limits objects out of sight and out of reach. This makes struggles less likely. Obviously, this isn't always possible, especially outside of the home where the environment can't be controlled.
Distract your child. Try offering something else in place of what they can't have. Start a new activity to replace the frustrating or forbidden one (for example, if your child is jumping on the couch, ask them to come help you “cook” by offering a plastic container and wooden spoon. Then you can praise them for helping or following directions, rather than having them start a tantrum or refuse to get down). Or simply change the environment. Take your toddler outside or inside or move to a different room.
Help kids learn new skills and succeed. Help kids learn to do things. Praise them to help them feel proud of what they can do. Also, start with something simple before moving on to more challenging tasks.
Consider the request carefully when your child wants something. Is it outrageous? Maybe it isn't. Choose your battles. It's even OK to change your mind if you originally said no — but find a way to allow the desired treat as a reward for good behavior.
Know your child's limits. If you know your toddler is tired, it's not the best time to go grocery shopping or try to squeeze in one more errand. Hungry kids are more likely to demand food in the store than children who have just had a meal (just like adults!).

What Should I Do During a Tantrum?

Keep your cool when responding to a tantrum. Don't complicate the problem with your own frustration or anger. Remind yourself that your job is helping your child learn to calm down. So you need to be calm too.

Tantrums should be handled differently depending on why your child is upset. Sometimes, you may need to provide comfort. If your child is tired or hungry, it's time for a nap or a snack. Other times, its best to ignore an outburst or distract your child with a new activity.

If a tantrum is happening to get attention from parents, one of the best ways to reduce this behavior is to ignore it. If a tantrum happens after your child is refused something, stay calm and don't give a lot of explanations for why your child can't have what they want. Move on to another activity with your child.

If a tantrum happens after your child is told to do something they don't want to do, it's best to ignore the tantrum. But be sure that you follow through on having your child complete the task after they're calm.

Kids who are in danger of hurting themselves or others during a tantrum should be taken to a quiet, safe place to calm down. This also applies to tantrums in public places.

If a safety issue is involved and a toddler repeats the forbidden behavior after being told to stop, use a time-out by sitting the child on a designated chair or in the corner for just a few minutes. Be nearby so that you can supervise, but do not interact until they are calm. Be consistent. Don't give in on safety issues.

Preschoolers and older kids are more likely to use tantrums to get their way if they've learned that this behavior works. For school-age kids, it's appropriate to send them to their rooms to cool off while paying little attention to the behavior.

Let your child know that you will tell them when the time-out is over and that the sooner they are calm and quiet, the sooner it will end. This is empowering — kids can affect the outcome by their own actions, and thus gain a sense of control that was lost during the tantrum.

Do not reward your child's tantrum by giving in. This will only prove to your little one that the tantrum was effective.

Consider making a “chill out” or “calm down” spot in your home (some teachers use this in preschool, as well). Use a soft cushion and provide books, a stuffed animal, some soft music, and other calming activities in a place where others won’t disturb the child. Encourage your child to go to the spot when angry or upset — not as a punishment, but as a choice and an opportunity to learn to calm down and control frustration.

What Should I Do After a Tantrum?

Praise your child for regaining control — for example, "I like how you calmed down."

Kids may be especially vulnerable after a tantrum when they know they've been less than adorable. Now (when your child is calm) is the time for a hug and reassurance that your child is loved, no matter what. If your child is old enough to discuss the problem, help them come up with some other ways they might have expressed their frustration.

Make sure your child gets enough sleep. With too little sleep, kids can become hyper, disagreeable, and have extremes in behavior. Getting enough sleep can greatly reduce tantrums. Find out how much sleep is needed at your child’s age. Most kids' sleep needs fall within a set range of hours based on their age, but each child is unique.

When Should I Call the Doctor?

Talk to your doctor if:

You often feel angry or out of control when you respond to tantrums.
You keep giving in to try to avoid your child acting out.
The tantrums cause a lot of bad feelings between you and your child or you and your partner.
The tantrums happen more often, are more intense, or last longer.
Your child often self-harms or hurts others.
Your child seems very disagreeable, argues a lot, and hardly ever cooperates.

Your doctor also can check for any health problems that may add to the tantrums, although this is not common. Sometimes, hearing or vision problems, a chronic illness, language delays, or a learning disability can make kids more likely to have tantrums.

Remember, tantrums usually aren't cause for concern and generally stop on their own. As kids mature, they gain self-control. They learn to cooperate, communicate, and cope with frustration. Less frustration and more control will mean fewer tantrums — and happier parents.

How to Handle Child Tantrums and Meltdowns | Behavior Problems

The first thing we have to do to manage tantrums is to understand them. That is not always as easy as it sounds, since tantrums and meltdowns are generated by a lot of different things: fear, frustration, anger, sensory overload, to name a few. And since a tantrum isn’t a very clear way to communicate (even though it may be a powerful way to get attention), parents are often in the dark about what’s driving the behavior.

It’s useful to think of a tantrum as a reaction to a situation a child can’t handle in a more grown-up way—say, by talking about how he feels, or making a case for what he wants, or just doing what he’s been asked to do. Instead he is overwhelmed by emotion. And if unleashing his feelings in a dramatic way — crying, yelling, kicking the floor, punching the wall, or hitting a parent — serves to get him what he wants (or out of whatever he was trying to avoid), it’s a behavior that he may come to rely on.

That doesn’t mean that tantrums are consciously willful, or even voluntary. But it does mean that they’re a learned response. So the goal with a child prone to tantrums is to help him unlearn this response, and instead learn other, more mature ways to handle a problem situation, like compromising, or complying with parental expectations in exchange for some positive reward.

Make an assessment

The first step is to get a picture of what triggers your particular child’s tantrums. Mental health professionals call this a “functional assessment,” which means looking at what real-life situations seem to generate tantrums — specifically, at what happens immediately before, during, and after the outbursts that might contribute to their happening again.

Sometimes a close look at the pattern of a child’s tantrums reveals a problem that needs attention: a traumatic experience, abuse or neglect, social anxiety, ADHD, or a learning disorder. When children are prone to meltdowns beyond the age in which they are typical, it’s often a symptom of distress that they are struggling to manage. That effort breaks down at moments that require self-discipline they don’t yet have, like transitioning from something they enjoy to something that’s difficult for them.

“A majority of kids who have frequent meltdowns do it in very predictable, circumscribed situations: when it’s homework time, bedtime, time to stop playing,” explains Vasco Lopes, PsyD, a clinical psychologist. “The trigger is usually being asked to do something that’s aversive to them or to stop doing something that is fun for them. Especially for children who have ADHD, something that’s not stimulating and requires them to control their physical activity, like a long car ride or a religious service or visiting an elderly relative, is a common trigger for meltdowns. ”

Learned behavior

Since parents often find tantrums impossible to tolerate—especially in public—the child may learn implicitly that throwing a tantrum can help him get his way. It becomes a conditioned response. “Even if it only works five out of 10 times that they tantrum, that intermittent reinforcement makes it a very solid learned behavior,” Dr. Lopes adds. “So they’re going to continue that behavior in order to get what they want.”

One of the goals of the functional assessment is to see if some tantrum triggers might be eliminated or changed so they’re not as problematic for the child. “If putting on the child’s shoes or leaving for school is the trigger, obviously we can’t make it go away,” explains Steven Dickstein, MD, who is both a pediatrician and child and adolescent psychiatrist. But sometimes we can change the way parents and other caregivers handle a situation — to defuse it. This could translate into giving kids more warning that a task is required of them, or structuring problematic activities in ways that reduce the likelihood of a tantrum.

“Anticipating those triggers, and modifying them so that it’s easier for the child to engage in that activity is really important,” says Dr. Lopes. “For example, if homework is really difficult for a child, because she has underlying attention, organization or learning issues, she might have outbursts right before she’s supposed to start her homework. So we say to parents, ‘How can we make doing homework more palatable for her?’ We can give her frequent breaks, support her in areas she has particular difficulty with, organize her work, and break intimidating tasks into smaller chunks.”

Another goal is to consider whether the expectations for the child’s behavior are developmentally appropriate, Dr. Dickstein notes, for his age and his particular level of maturity. “Can we modify the environment to make it match the child’s abilities better, and foster development towards maturing?”

It’s important for parents to understand two things: first of all, avoiding a tantrum before it begins does not mean “giving in” to a child’s demands. It means separating the unwanted tantrum response from other issues, such as compliance with parental requests. And second, by reducing the likelihood of a tantrum response, you are also taking away the opportunity for reinforcement of that response. When kids don’t tantrum, they learn to deal with needs, desires, and setbacks in a more mature way, and that learning itself reinforces appropriate responses. Fewer tantrums now means…fewer tantrums later.

Responding to tantrums

When tantrums occur, the parent or caregiver’s response affects the likelihood of the behavior happening again. There are lots of very specific protocols to help parents respond consistently, in ways that will minimize tantrum behavior later. They range from Ross Greene’s seminal approach, Collaborative & Proactive Solutions, to step-by-step parent-training programs like Parent-Child Interaction Therapy and Parent Management Training. They have in common the starting point that parents resist the temptation to end the tantrum by giving the child what he wants when he tantrums. For outbursts that aren’t dangerous, the goal is to ignore the behavior, to withdraw all parental attention, since even negative attention like reprimanding or trying to persuade the child to stop has been found positively reinforce the behavior.

Attention is withheld from behavior you want to discourage, and lavished instead on behaviors you want to encourage: when a child makes an effort to calm down or, instead of tantruming, complies or proposes a compromise. “By positively reinforcing compliance and appropriate responses to frustration,” says Dr. Lopes, “you’re teaching skills and—since you can’t comply with a command and tantrum at the same time—simultaneously decreasing that aggressive noncompliant tantrum behavior.”

One thing you don’t want to do is try to reason with a child who is upset. As Dr. Dickstein puts it, “Don’t talk to the kid when he’s not available.” You want to encourage a child to practice at negotiation when he’s not blowing up, and you’re not either. You may need to teach techniques for working through problems, break them down step by step for kids who are immature or have deficits in this kind of thinking and communication.

Modeling calm behavior

And you need to model the kind of negotiation you want your child to learn. “Parents should take time outs, too,” notes Dr. Dickstein. ” When you get really angry you need to just take yourself out of the situation. You can’t problem solve when you’re upset—your IQ drops about 30 percent when you are angry.”

Being calm and clear about behavioral expectations is important because it helps you communicate more effectively with a child. “So it’s not, ‘You need to behave today,’” Dr. Lopes says. “It’s, ‘You need to be seated during mealtime, with your hands to yourself, and saying only positive words.’ Those are very observable, concrete things that the child knows what’s expected and that the parent can reinforce with praise and rewards.”

Both you and your child need to build what Dr. Dickstein calls a toolkit for self-soothing, things you can do to calm down, like slow breathing, to relax, because you can’t be calm and angry at the same time. There are lots of techniques, he adds, but “The nice thing about breathing is it’s always available to you.”

Frequently Asked Questions

How can parents deal with toddler tantrums?

To deal with toddler tantrums, first try to identify the things that might trigger these tantrums and remove them from the child’s environment. During a tantrum, the goal is to ignore the behavior and withdraw all attention, so the child learns that tantrums won’t get them what they want.

How can parents help a child having a meltdown?

To handle a child having a meltdown, try to ignore the behavior and withdraw all parental attention, since even negative attention like reprimanding or persuasion has been found to positively reinforce the behavior.

How can parents stop tantrums?

To stop tantrums, parents can identify and remove things that may trigger a tantrum, ignore active meltdowns, give kids attention and praise when they compromise, and model calm behavior.

How to calm a child's tantrum, what to do with children's tantrums

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How to calm a tantrum in a child, what to do with children's tantrums

Despite the fact that periodic tantrums in young children can be considered the norm, parents should not leave them unattended and need to learn how to respond to them correctly so that tantrums do not become frequent and are not used by the child as manipulation to get what they want.

In our article, we have collected for you all the necessary information about strong tantrums in children - causes, signs, how to calm a child and how to prevent frequent tantrums.

Causes of children's tantrums

In order to be able to properly stop tantrums in children, it is important to understand the reasons for such behavior in a child.

Informational and emotional overload. A modern child lives surrounded by a dense information flow. This puts a lot of pressure on the senses. At a certain point, the child experiences an overload and needs to throw off unnecessary emotions. At this point, hysteria happens. It is worth noting that active and inquisitive children are more hysterical than their calm and assiduous peers.
Attention. Babies often try to attract the attention of their parents with tantrums. Especially such a reason for tantrums is inherent in children in large families, especially if a small baby appears and all the time mom and dad are busy with him. If a child is older than 6-7 years old, he can use other methods to attract attention, but a preschooler will most likely choose a tantrum.
Check. During a tantrum, a child can also "learn" the world. Thus, he is trying to explore the boundaries of what is permitted by his parents, and this is just part of building relationships in the family and understanding what is good and what is bad.
Parent inconsistency. It is very important that young children receive clear signals and instructions from adults. If a child is forbidden to open a bookcase and throw books around, then it should be forbidden to him at all times. If today mom forbade doing it, and tomorrow dad allowed it, then the child has a feeling of confusion. He does not understand how to do the right thing and as a result throws a tantrum.
Physical discomfort. This reason for the appearance of tantrums is inherent in children under 2-3 years old, when they cannot yet verbally explain that they do not like something, they are hot, thirsty, something hurts, etc.
Fatigue. When children experience a lot of events and emotions in one day (long journeys, shopping, birthday celebrations, etc.), you should not be surprised if the child is capricious and hysterical in the evening. In this case, the nervous system thus signals an overload.
Time. Until the age of 5-6, children live in the moment of the present, and if they need something, they need it here and now. At such a moment, it will be impossible for the child to explain that “be patient and in 15 minutes we will be at home” or “we will go to the zoo tomorrow” and a tantrum may set in.

Are child tantrums dangerous?

It all depends on the symptoms that appear in a child during a tantrum.

As a rule, a baby who throws a tantrum begins to cry and scream loudly. Chaotic movements of the arms and legs also join this. Children clench their hands into fists and begin to stomp their feet. Such manifestations of hysteria are quite harmless and do not leave any consequences after themselves.

But, if the child fell into a strong tantrum, he may begin to swing on the floor, beat his head against the wall or floor, bite objects around, scratch. In severe cases, this can lead to convulsions or respiratory failure. After a strong tantrum, the child may experience nausea and headache.

If you know that your child is prone to fall into such serious conditions, in no case do not try to explain or prove your point during an attack. At this moment, your main task is to calm the child and bring him to his senses.

If a child has frequent and severe tantrums, after which he feels overwhelmed and lethargic, he has nightmares, causeless nausea or cases of loss of consciousness, be sure to seek the advice of specialists. In this case, help is provided by child psychologists, neuropathologists or psychotherapists.

It's hard to imagine, but often children's tantrums have a positive effect. Through hysteria, children get rid of accumulated grievances and negative emotions. The “correct” hysteria will help form a strong psyche for the child, normalize sleep and learn to openly express their emotions.

How should parents behave?

Before talking about the methods of calming the child, parents need to learn how to cope with the emotional burden that falls on them during a child's tantrum.

In order to be able to adequately respond to a tantrum in children without screaming, it is important to understand that the child does not do this on purpose to spite you. At the moment, he is really ill, hurt or offended. It depends only on you whether this hysteria will grow into even more conflict and stress, or whether it will end safely and quickly.

If you feel like you're starting to wind up with your baby, stop and take a deep breath. Breathing slowly and deeply is a simple yet powerful way to calm down and fool your nervous system.

Develop the right tone of conversation with the child. Your speech should be clear and legible, and the tone should be calm and friendly. Children very well feel the emotional state of their parents and talking with them at the usual pace and timbre of speech will work much more effectively than fast and unintelligible speech in raised tones.

Try to build a trusting and respectful relationship with your child. If children do not notice proper attention from their parents, they do not have much experience of joint communication, then even during a tantrum you can not hope that the baby will hear you and begin to behave calmly. Talk more often and praise your child for successes and good behavior.

How to calm a child at different ages?

Each child's age has a number of features that need to be considered in order to quickly cope with a tantrum.

Up to 2 years. With the youngest children, the idle-presence method works best. Tantrums in babies last no more than 5 minutes, so just sit silently next to the child and give him time to recover on his own. It is also useful to hug the baby tightly or distract him for something. Up to 2 years old, children switch easily and can laugh in a second, forgetting about a moment of weakness.
2-3 years. At this age, children's tantrums are also well influenced by the methods listed in the previous paragraph. To this, you can add a quiet and measured voice. You can tell anything, for example, offer your child an interesting activity and describe it in colors.

5-6 years old. At this age, children are already well able to express their demands and desires without hysteria, but for this the child needs to be told everywhere that he can trust you, that he can share his experiences with you, and if something hurts or does not work out, he can freely share it. At the same time, at the age of 5-6 years, children should be left with the right to a healthy tantrum if he experiences an emotional outburst. When the tantrum has calmed down, try to switch to everyday activities and do not focus on the recent outburst.

Tips for parents on how to quickly remove a child's tantrum

In this section, we have collected for you all the most effective and proven ways to calm the child.

Ignore

Often children use tantrums to manipulate their parents and get what they want. Especially such a picture can be observed in stores, when the child begins to scream and roll on the floor, begging to buy him a new toy. The worst thing parents do is go along with the little manipulator and fulfill the demand to stop public shame.

If a child throws a tantrum for the purpose of manipulation, in no case do not follow his lead and, if possible, just ignore him. Using the example of the same store, just keep shopping, ignoring the shouting. At the same time, on the next trip, you can buy a toy for your child if he behaved well and did not beg for anything. By this you show that in your family you can achieve what you want only in a calm atmosphere and by the method of communication, but not by tantrums.

Demonstrative ignoring cannot be practiced with children under 1-2 years old. At this age, they are not yet able to manipulate consciously and during tantrums they need more help and support from their parents. Ignoring in this case will not help to calm the baby, but will only upset him more.

Elimination of cause

Even a trifle can unbalance a small child. Try to analyze the situation and, if possible, remove the trigger that triggered the tantrum. For example, a child sits at a table and draws. He fails to draw the desired element and this, of course, annoys him, further misses lead to hysteria. In this case, the parent just needs to help the baby perform the desired action and show that there is no reason to be nervous.

If the cause is physiological, then all the more it cannot be ignored and the irritant must be eliminated. For example, you started a long shopping trip and your child is tired of walking around a crowded and noisy shopping center for a long time. In this case, only a quick return home and rest will help calm the hysteria.

Compromise

With children after 4-5 years, you can already try to conduct a constructive dialogue and offer a compromise that would suit you and help the child calm down. This will help you achieve what you want and at the same time the baby will feel like an equal participant in the transaction. For example, you take him to the dentist, but the child refuses to sit in the doctor's chair and you feel the beginning of a tantrum. Explain to the little patient the importance of what is happening both for him and for you, and as a compromise, promise to go to the entertainment center where he so wanted to go.

Make sure that the compromise does not look like manipulation on your part in primary school age, children are already well able to recognize such moments. Compromise is always an equal agreement without winners and losers.

Illusion of choice

In the case when a compromise is not applicable, you can create an illusion of choice for the baby. For example, at dinner he does not want to eat the proposed dish, but you know that in principle he eats it and today he is just being capricious. In this case, you should not try to offer something tasty (cake, sweets), but on the contrary, we recommend going from the opposite. If you refuse to eat buckwheat porridge, say that you can offer barley or rice to choose from. In this situation, whatever the child chooses, it will be a choice on your terms and you will not have to indulge whims.

Embrace

Hugs work very well with tantrums, not only children but also adults. They give a feeling of security, peace, comfort and warmth. In the strong arms of mom or dad, the baby will calm down much faster, because he will feel support and empathy in this gesture.

Even if the child breaks out, show that you are not ready to let him go and even in the most difficult and critical situation you will be there. All these non-verbal messages are very well read by children at any age. And the warmth of native hands, measured breathing and even the even heartbeat of mom or dad act better than any words.

Finally, I would like to note that the most important skill of parents is to know the characteristics of their child. The more time you devote to him, talk, discuss everything in the world, analyze his behavior and reactions to different situations, the better you will understand what needs to be done specifically in your case in order to calm the children's tantrum.

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what to do and what not to do //Psychological newspaper

Let's talk about what to do and what not to do if the child has a tantrum . Sometimes children's tantrums are singled out into a separate group and qualified as a sophisticated way of children's manipulations that need to be fought (sometimes quite cruelly). However, it must be said that everyone has tantrums. Regardless of age. Young children cope worse with their emotional reactions, so it is easier to accuse them of intemperance and the desire to manipulate, forgetting that in a state of hysteria a person cannot control himself, he is really bad, he is unable to change reality in the usual way and cannot manages to understand what is going on.

When a child has a tantrum, the first thing they need is help. You can't contain your emotions. They are reflex. Therefore, if you want to do more than simply crush a child by instilling in him the fear of expressing his emotions, you should stop perceiving tantrums as a way of manipulation and treat them like human beings. That is, with an understanding of what is happening and a desire to help. Below are the specific steps.

1. First, show empathy (compassion) . In Russian it is called Pity. Feeling sorry for someone who feels bad is normal.

2. Tell the child about this . It is very important to hear that you are sorry. It is necessary to inform the person that we SEE, understand that he is ill, noticed that he is terribly upset. Preferably calmly, even better - hugging, so that the child hears, sees and feels that you sincerely empathize with him.

3. Next offer help . Ask, first of all, what a person needs in order to cope with this difficult condition. You can offer a drink, or say: “Breathe, honey, breathe, my good. Let's inhale and exhale three times ”(breathing techniques are one of the most effective ways of emotional regulation). Don't hesitate to help. The child must see that you are not leaving him alone with his difficult feelings and want to help him.

4. If the child pushes you away, move away ( and not resentfully leave ). Move away to the distance that the child needs in order not to feel your intrusion and, at the same time, not to be abandoned by the mother. It is important to understand that in a state of hysteria, a child in despair screams at the same time: “Go away!” and "Don't leave me...". Therefore, those parents who, in response to a hysterical cry: “Go away !!!” really get up and defiantly leave the room, show an inability to contain childish experiences: thus they cannot teach him how to handle their emotional reactions, because they themselves are acting at this moment from a very childish position.

You should also not tell the child: “Since you are asking me to leave, I will go to another room, when you calm down, then you will come.” Don't leave your child in hysterics. He needs you. You need to move away to the distance where the child will allow you to stay with him. If he pushes you away, sit back at arm's length. If he yells, "Get out of my room!!!", do as he asks, but stay within his line of sight. If he slams the door in your face, then you don't have to rush back. You have to wait. Until the peak of the emotional reaction passes.

Don't panic . Just step back - let the child be with himself. Let a person have the opportunity to test their own mechanisms of transition to another state. The picture below shows the emotional background of a person in a state of hysteria.

Hysteria is characterized by peak experiences (at these moments it is useless to talk and explain - the child is not able to hear, you just have to wait), which are replaced by recessions, because exhaustion sets in. The child needs to at least take a breath, catch his breath - in order to go "on a new circle." And in this state, you need to “catch” the child - in a state of emotional decline, he is able to hear, is capable of some kind of constructive dialogue. Parents need to carefully observe, being as close as possible, and when the tantrum has subsided, at this moment you can begin to regret and try to explain something.

5. And you need to explain the following: clarify your position . That, in fact, parents are also living people, that you do not know how, are not ready to communicate now and in this way (and you have the right to do so). It may sound something like this: “You know, I’m very sorry for you, I’m worried about you, I want to help you, I’ll be happy to help you in any way I can, but I won’t talk in this form because I don’t know how (it’s unpleasant for me, we won’t achieve anything, I’m nervous, I can’t talk like that, etc.)”.

It is important to understand that in a state of emotional peak in hysterics conversation in essence is now impossible . Do not be angry about it: there is simply nothing to be angry about. Hysteria, in the vast majority of cases, has nothing to do with the original subject of the dispute. Even children understand this. If they then explain and learn to cope with their feelings. It is important to separate - and for ourselves too - the state of hysteria and the subject of conversation. And this is where your position must be firm. Don't get affected yourself.

6. If you also feel that you cannot cope with your emotions in return and feel anger, resentment, rage, helplessness – offer help to yourself as well . Drink water, breathe deeply. Do not fall into a childish position and primitive acting out. Try to remain an adult and reliable parent for your child at such a difficult moment for him.

A constructive conversation about the subject of hysteria is possible only after some time after the person calms down. The child cannot hear anyone or anything from the outside - while inside he is filled with rage, grief and a sense of injustice.

Until a certain age, children do not have brain regions in the frontal lobes that are responsible for self-control and choice of behavior strategy.