How to stop my child from being a bully

How to Prevent Bullying | StopBullying.gov

Parents, school staff, and other caring adults have a role to play in preventing bullying. They can:

Help kids understand bullying. Talk about what bullying is and how to stand up to it safely. Tell kids bullying is unacceptable. Make sure kids know how to get help.
Keep the lines of communication open. Check in with kids often. Listen to them. Know their friends, ask about school, and understand their concerns.
Encourage kids to do what they love. Special activities, interests, and hobbies can boost confidence, help kids make friends, and protect them from bullying behavior.
Model how to treat others with kindness and respect.

Help Kids Understand Bullying

Kids who know what bullying is can better identify it. They can talk about bullying if it happens to them or others. Kids need to know ways to safely stand up to bullying and how to get help.

Encourage kids to speak to a trusted adult if they are bullied or see others being bullied. The adult can give comfort, support, and advice, even if they can’t solve the problem directly. Encourage the child to report bullying if it happens.
Talk about how to stand up to kids who bully. Give tips, like using humor and saying “stop” directly and confidently. Talk about what to do if those actions don’t work, like walking away
Talk about strategies for staying safe, such as staying near adults or groups of other kids.
Urge them to help kids who are bullied by showing kindness or getting help.
Watch the short webisodes and discuss them - PDF with kids.

Keep the Lines of Communication Open

Research tells us that children really do look to parents and caregivers for advice and help on tough decisions. Sometimes spending 15 minutes a day talking can reassure kids that they can talk to their parents if they have a problem. Start conversations about daily life and feelings with questions like these:

What was one good thing that happened today? Any bad things?
What is lunch time like at your school? Who do you sit with? What do you talk about?
What is it like to ride the school bus?
What are you good at? What would do you like best about yourself?

Talking about bullying directly is an important step in understanding how the issue might be affecting kids. There are no right or wrong answers to these questions, but it is important to encourage kids to answer them honestly. Assure kids that they are not alone in addressing any problems that arise. Start conversations about bullying with questions like these:

What does “bullying” mean to you?
Describe what kids who bully are like. Why do you think people bully?
Who are the adults you trust most when it comes to things like bullying?
Have you ever felt scared to go to school because you were afraid of bullying? What ways have you tried to change it?
What do you think parents can do to help stop bullying?
Have you or your friends left other kids out on purpose? Do you think that was bullying? Why or why not?
What do you usually do when you see bullying going on?
Do you ever see kids at your school being bullied by other kids? How does it make you feel?
Have you ever tried to help someone who is being bullied? What happened? What would you do if it happens again?

Get more ideas for talking with children - PDF about life and about bullying. If concerns come up, be sure to respond.

There are simple ways that parents and caregivers can keep up-to-date with kids’ lives.

Read class newsletters and school flyers. Talk about them at home.
Check the school website
Go to school events
Greet the bus driver
Meet teachers and counselors at “Back to School” night or reach out by email
Share phone numbers with other kids’ parents

Teachers and school staff also have a role to play.

Encourage Kids to Do What They Love

Help kids take part in activities, interests, and hobbies they like. Kids can volunteer, play sports, sing in a chorus, or join a youth group or school club. These activities give kids a chance to have fun and meet others with the same interests. They can build confidence and friendships that help protect kids from bullying.

Model How to Treat Others with Kindness and Respect

Kids learn from adults’ actions. By treating others with kindness and respect, adults show the kids in their lives that there is no place for bullying. Even if it seems like they are not paying attention, kids are watching how adults manage stress and conflict, as well as how they treat their friends, colleagues, and families.

What Is Bullying | StopBullying.gov

Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, lasting problems.

In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include:

An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.
Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

Types of Bullying
Where and When Bullying Happens
Frequency of Bullying

Types of Bullying

There are three types of bullying:

Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. Verbal bullying includes:
- Teasing
- Name-calling
- Inappropriate sexual comments
- Taunting
- Threatening to cause harm
Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. Social bullying includes:
- Leaving someone out on purpose
- Telling other children not to be friends with someone
- Spreading rumors about someone
- Embarrassing someone in public
Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions. Physical bullying includes:
- Hitting/kicking/pinching
- Spitting
- Tripping/pushing
- Taking or breaking someone’s things
- Making mean or rude hand gestures

Where and When Bullying Happens

Bullying can occur during or after school hours. While most reported bullying happens in the school building, a significant percentage also happens in places like on the playground or the bus. It can also happen travelling to or from school, in the youth’s neighborhood, or on the Internet.

Frequency of Bullying

There are two sources of federally collected data on youth bullying:

The 2019 School Crime Supplement to the National Crime Victimization Survey (National Center for Education Statistics and Bureau of Justice) indicates that, nationwide, about 22% of students ages 12–18 experienced bullying.
The 2019 Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) indicates that, nationwide, 19. 5% of students in grades 9–12 report being bullied on school property in the 12 months preceding the survey.

Help, my child is a bully! What is wrong with parents

Usually, parents think that a bully child is someone who behaves in violation of the rules and regulations, that by doing this the child wants to harm loved ones (does it out of spite) or “he has such a stupid character”, or "spoiled child" But in general, only from the age of five or six does a child consciously do something out of spite, before that he does as he can (as he was taught) or as he feels.

“My child is a real bully,” I sometimes hear from parents. The question immediately arises: what do adults understand by this word? And the second: if the child is "hooligan", what does he want to say by this?

Parents who think that their three-year-old "specially" painted the new wallpaper in the bedroom, know that the need for painting was not satisfied, so he began to paint on the wallpaper. Instead of scolding and punishing, hang whatman paper on the wall so that the child can draw.

It is worth thinking about such behavior of a teenager. In the manifestation "on purpose" or "in spite" there is always a reason.

From early childhood to school, a child has a need for knowledge, therefore, as soon as he has learned to walk, he strives to climb into all possible corners. Often, parents with their excessive prohibitions perceive children's curiosity as a prank. As for prohibitions, they should be aimed at preserving the life and health of the child, and not limiting his development.

The need for cognition, which is formed precisely in the preschool period, affects the rest of life

As a result, little "hooligans" under the age of 5-6 years are just normal children with developed curiosity. They are interested in what is made of what, they are looking for different ways to solve this or that “task”. Such children, if they are left for some time in the playroom, will make a mess there, open everything they can, and get everything without exception. The task of parents is to create conditions for the development of the child.

The child may also behave "badly" in order to be noticed. This applies to children of any age. Typically, this behavior is formed from one and a half to three years old, when the child does not receive proper attention from parents, and all his requests are ignored. For example: a kid asks to read to him, but at that time mom is washing the dishes, and dad is watching TV (you need to remember that children live in the “real”, and the phrase “later” remains incomprehensible). Therefore, the child must do something bright, loud, in order to instantly get the attention of the parents: start crying loudly or break something.

The next action of the child is “illness”, because when he is sick, mom and dad are always there, they turn on cartoons and give sweets to the baby. Also, a rather important point is the absence of the word “no” in the family, when everything is possible for a child.

Permissiveness is worse than strict control and prohibitions. The child does not feel boundaries and does not know what is dangerous and what is not, what is worth doing and what is not. During these one and a half years, the behavior of the child is formed. Moreover, we see a reflection of this at preschool age (he is sick a lot), at primary school age (he is a jester of the class, a bully), and even in adolescence (the desire to hurt himself (tattoo, piercing), deviant behavior ( the desire to stand out from the crowd) and so on.0003

So, before talking about a bully, see if a little genius is growing up, who has a high level of cognitive activity. Or maybe the child wants to reach the hearts of the people closest to him?

10 surefire ways to turn your child into a bully | BuyMama Moscow

Bullying, or bullying, is a serious problem in homes, yards and schools around the world. Many parents recognize that their children can be bullied by their peers and work hard to prevent this from happening. But it turns out that not many parents are ready to admit that it is their child who is the same bully.

Often children who bully others experience emotions that are expressed in aggressive behavior simply because they see that such behavior is effective. So they can get what they want.

The very first step for the parents of a bully is to recognize the fact itself. And then fight it.

10. Beat your children.

Child refuses to eat soup again? Made a tantrum? Pinch him more painfully so that he understands that this cannot be done.
What will it teach him? You can hit people when you're angry or upset.

9. Spousal abuse

Even if you do not beat children, but your partner allows himself to raise his hand against you, and the child sees this, then he will learn violence and aggression. The monkey sees - the monkey does.
Children who grow up in a home where spousal abuse occurs believe that this is a normal way to deal with their emotions.

8. Insults and threats

When mom or dad screams in a fit of anger: "You're useless!" "You are a bad girl!" "You're silly!" "Stupid!" "Why aren't you as smart as your brother?!" "You will never learn anything!"
These insults and threats do not leave marks on the body, but they leave emotional scars. Children take such words seriously, because their parents say it.
What will it teach him? First, with your insults, you can greatly expand your child's vocabulary. Secondly, he will learn to deal with his emotions with yelling and insults. This is also bullying, also hooligan behavior.

7. Neglect your children

Sometimes ignoring a child can be an effective way to deal with a tantrum. After all, it teaches that what they are doing is not working. And that they are more likely to get a positive response if they approach the situation calmly. However, there is a rather thin line between ignoring a child and completely neglecting it.
Neglect of a child is a complete disregard for his needs. This can hurt the child because among his basic needs is the need for love and attention from parents. To achieve this attention, children may engage in bad behavior, as it is much more likely to elicit at least some kind of parental response.

6.

Scold other people

You may not hit your children, your partner may not hit you. Maybe you do not insult the child and do not threaten him. Maybe you radiate positivity and love.
However, be careful not to scold or insult other people, especially in the presence of a child.
If a child hears his mother calling a colleague at work fat, or his father says that your neighbor is a terrorist because he is a Muslim. After all, it teaches children to treat people who are not like him bad.
It is important to be aware of your biases and try not to pass them on to your children. Teach your child to understand others. This will make the world a better place.

5. Don't listen to children

When a child does something wrong, the automatic response is punishment. While this may help discipline the child, it is also important to listen. Talk to them about their behavior and then listen to what they have to say. Of course, the child will not always have a good reason. After all, he is still a child.
And even outside the context of discipline, make time for the child, talk to him. In this way, he knows that he is appreciated and therefore he learns to appreciate others.
Compare this to a child who is not being listened to, who is simply being punished, whose thoughts are not appreciated. A child who is not listened to will not listen to others.

4. Reward macho behavior

Tell boys not to cry, not to act like a girl. They should like guns and cars, no dolls, no "girly" things.
Many parents do not know this, but it is this kind of upbringing that makes boys the bullies on the playground.
It's not that the child wants to offend someone. He believes that he must act in this way. Things like being sensitive, listening to others, that's for girls. The boy must act.
It would be better to avoid these gender stereotypes in education.

3. Obsession with material things

Don't get us wrong, having a lot of material stuff is great. But material things should not take precedence over other, more important things, such as respect, discipline, honesty, and kindness.
When children learn this, it will make them good people. And then it won't matter that Katya's notebook is prettier than hers. And Sasha has collected a complete set of Avengers figurines. It will be possible not to envy them, it will be possible not to intimidate them, not to try to take away what you do not have.

2. Forget about teaching basic social skills

All children should be taught basic social skills. They include the standard "please" and "thank you", "hello" and "sorry".
However, learning how to become a decent person does not end there.
It is also important to teach children about respect and boundaries. Teach them not to touch anyone without permission. And in turn, no one should touch them without permission. Such upbringing not only teaches them not to become bullies, but also helps them learn to respect themselves and others.