How to raise a child wikihow

How to Enjoy Parenting Teens and Help Your Kids Thrive | by Wikihow

This article is here because my daughter’s friend said “Your mum’s cool. She’s a great parent.” It led to us asking what makes a good parent of teens?

My children are 18 and 15 and I don’t think I get it right all the time. However, having asked on social media, I think I get an easy ride. So from my daughter’s point of view, coaching and mine, here’s how to get the best out of teen years for you and your teenagers.

Teens know how to hit every annoy parent button going. Work out what triggers you and work on yourself before you engage with them.

As a rule of thumb, if you wouldn’t talk to a colleague at work like it, then don’t speak to your child like it. Your aim is to help them become successful adults and that’s a process that should start from birth — even as young children, you want them to be able to communicate effectively to get what they want, be strong minded, confident and capable in the big wide world.

So you need to be their role model. And that’s not easy when they are hitting your buttons.

Find yours and desensitise yourself to them. (For me, I can internally laugh and think “What must I have sounded like to my Mum at this age?” And that diffuses any frustration.

Maybe you wonder, “Why do they grunt — they communicated better when they were 7!”

Teens are learning to be who they are (and there’s plenty of adults who still don’t know!) So don’t expect them to behave the same as they did when they were little and cute.

If you get grunts and groans at suggestions of things to do, it’s not them saying “That’s the worse idea ever;” that’s them questioning “Is it okay to be me? To do this? To live like this? To want this?” They are questioning:

Where do I fit in the world?
What do I want to do?
What should I train to be?
Will I have to move town?
How will I cope?

Many questions that any adult would find daunting, and when you know the science that their brains do not finish growing until they are in their 20’s, you can see why you might have days where you have the equivalent of a Teen Zombie on your hands.

Ask yourself if you could cope with your job, family life, friends, chores and still find the brain space to answer the big life questions.

According to research by Sarah-Jayne Blakemore whose research lab is based at UCL in London,[1]

“The answer is this: the prefrontal cortex, which regulates emotional responses and inhibits risk-taking, is going through physiological changes that make some adolescents act in such seemingly incomprehensible ways.”

When you consider the prefrontal cortex functions in cognitive control (planning, attention, problem solving, error monitoring, decision making, social cognitive and working memory) you can start to see why they forget to empty the dishwasher or behaved as they did. It really is not their fault!

They are growing up and inevitably they are going to leave home. While many cheer there’s still that sinking empty nest feeling that can have many negative connotations:

“I wish they would appreciate me. ”
“They don’t know how easy they’ve got it.” Etc etc.

Ultimately it can lead us to question:

What’s my role? Where will I fit in their future? (Or even — will I?)

Don’t get ahead of yourself and have gratitude for this time — it’s limited.

I got upset at Christmas when my son reminded me this could be his last stocking under the tree. (Yes we still do that — read on for why.) As my son said to me “I’m not gone yet, you’ve got me for another 14 months yet.” I had to hide the sad sigh I nearly let out.

But of course he was right. And if I get this right, I will be a part of his future. It’s hard to admit your role at this age is to become surplice to requirements. But then, you remember there will be a whole new myriad of ways they will want and need support, and of course therefore your jobs not over yet.

Things are changing and they need space to work out what that means; just as you want to desperately hold on to the cute child that used to run home from school and want a cuddle and to tell you all about it.

When their door is shut, respect that — knock before you go in. Don’t fear something sinister is happening in there. It showcases you respect their space. These little unsaid things will start to speak in a positive way to your teen.

Likewise, you want them to respect your privacy and quiet time — and my children are far more respectful of me as I’ve given them more respect. Which leads us on to…

Ask yourself:

How and when will I relinquish control? At what pace? And why is this important to introduce?

From that age, our children had no bedtime. We’d discuss how tired they thought they were, and when did they want to go to bed?

Yes we would have “I feel wide away Mummy” nights where they were clearly exhausted and then the conversation would progress to:

“So what’s the reason you keep yawning do you think?”

“When Mummy yawns, what do you think it means?”

That kind of question is a coaching question that puts the responsibility back on the other person. And it helps them to learn to listen to their body — something critical for the teen years.

You can’t expect an 19 year old to magically get up ready for a day at work or university if you didn’t help them learn to listen to their own bodies years in advance.

I asked my daughter’s friend why she felt I was a great parent. She shared that while I was “scary,” (code for expected high standards) I encourage play.

At 15, a group of girls can feel awkward jumping around in a pool and playing like, well kids — is that allowed as teens? As I pointed out at the time — you’re in a secluded garden — you can squeal with excitement, play volley ball and no one can see you to judge you playing — it is still allowed at 15.

That’s why my children still set up for Santa every year. Don’t be so quick to grow up.

As a coach, it is only when I bring fun to the session can someone really deal with difficult obstacles in their life. Lead by example, let them see fun is not off the agenda just because you grow up — they have incredibly creative minds at this age, so enable and empower that and they could benefit for their whole lives.

Social media and phones in general can be a massive headache for parents.

“You spend your life on that phone,” ask yourself why.

Is it because they hate the real world and it’s more fun?

Or is it more likely because they can hang out virtually with their friends no matter where they are or what “lame” chore they’re doing? It can lighten the load by sharing with a friend. No different to you.

When I was a kid, I was constantly moaned at for having my head in a book; “Get outside” “Don’t you want to go and play with your friends?” I’d hear every weekend and holiday.

I love reading — it’s an escape, a place to learn. A place to calm my thoughts and not have to engage with anyone or anything — that phone does the same for them.

Instead of being so quick to limit their time and control when and where they can use it, have a conversation about how your teen likes to use their phone and how it can be used to navigate the fact you are in a family environment, and you don’t always want to see their face with a metal block in front of it;

“How can I give you your space and time with your friends every day and get to hear about your day too?”

Remember, don’t make it about you and your needs — it’s not that they don’t care; it’s just there’s too much going on for you to be at the top of the importance pile.

Our interconnected worlds are awesome to reduce loneliness, but they also can make us question who we are and reduce confidence and escalate anxiety.

One report by the Royal Society for Public Health in the UK surveyed 1500 young people, ages 14–24, to determine the effects of social media on issues such as anxiety, depression, self-esteem, and body image.[2] They found that YouTube had the most positive impact, while Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and SnapChat all had negative effects on mental health

I can remember my Dad had an infuriating rule that we weren’t allowed out on a Friday night — “Friday night is family night.”

I’ve always believed in the importance of a meal sat around a table where everyone gets to off load about their day. But my teens can be keen to race their food desperate to get back to homework, gaming or friends online. However we expect a little of their day.

“In 24 hours, I don’t think it’s a lot to give your Mum and Dad an hour at meal time” I say.

It’s a completely reasonable request (with relapses allowed as you will see below.) But it ensures we stay bonded as a family and the conversations always include laughter and yes, some stroppy antagonising between siblings. But it’s a chance for 4 people to come together and chat with no agenda. Hence no phones, but even that has leniency.

If you want to be a part of your teens’ life, take an interest in their passions. I don’t have a great love for K-pop but I can do a few of Twice’s dance moves and I can sing along to a few BTS songs. It’s about respecting them, their hobbies, passions, interests, etc.

You can’t expect respect if you don’t give it, right? That’s why even the phone rule can get a reprieve.

If they’ve seen a great meme or a funny YouTube, if we’ve finished eating, we will suggest they fetch their phone so they can share it. I’ve also learnt it means they end up sticking around long past the allotted 60 minutes Mum and Dad time to share other videos and share more.

This obviously is something I’m not prepared to relinquish. I feel it’s a life skill I want them to learn now. But it wasn’t just enforced — we talked about the reasons why we felt it was important and how to make it a part of their day they enjoyed rather than endured.

So I listen to the things they hate and even if I’m not keen, I flex and bend:

I will let friend stay in the week.

They have proven that a game or film is age appropriate when I’ve thought differently — and they’ve then listened when I’ve firmly said “Actually sorry but no, not yet.”

I don’t say “Your too young” I’ve asked “What do you think that outfit may suggest?” And usually with a sigh they’ve been able to see the logic — but again they’ve also convinced me otherwise — my daughter convinced me she should have fish night tights (Like many things for me, these were banned as a teen and I was badly bullied for being the only child in 150 students wearing school colours when everyone else had the latest trends! My parents told me it was character building — I know now it took many years to find my confidence and like being me)

So there’s compromise — She can have them if they are under her holey jeans — Daughter Fashionable — Mum Happy.

While that may feel daunting and possibly even a little icky for you, if you aren’t prepared to answer their questions when and how they need them answered they will go online — and 31% of children have shared a fake news story.[3]

My friend said they wouldn’t be talking about sex with their 10 year old because it wasn’t appropriate only for it to come up in a conversation in front of me.

Remember, it doesn’t have to be graphic detail. A simplified answer is usually enough — and if you get an over exuberant questioner, there are lots of books that will help you and them learn the subject without feeling you are losing their childhood before your eyes.

That way they will grow up knowing they can trust you to give them true and honest answers. Treating like young adults.

Teens need to learn that they are not the centre of the universe but in a delicate way — because right now, they feel like they are.

Choose your moments wisely. You can say “I feel like I’ve got a lot on this week, do you feel you can think of any ways to help me get through it all? Are there any chores around the house you could help with?”

One client introduced home rules and was surprised of the knock on impact it had in their professional lives too.

I don’t want to paint a picture of two angelic teenagers — my daughter just now didn’t listen and ended up hoovering all 17 rooms instead of the 4 I asked she hoover — we laughed after I gave her a minute to calm down!

But the fact is if you feel like they aren’t listening, they probably aren’t. They start to wander off when they’ve got their thoughts out of their head….

So choose your time well to discuss things you feel are important and ensure they’ve heard what you’ve said.

I often hear “You didn’t say that.” When you get that answer, It’s no good getting into “Yes I did, you were standing right there when I said it!” because that turns into a she said, he said moment that couldn’t get unpicked it a court of law.

Make sure when you ask them to do something or need to know something, you have a witness — that way either your partner, friend or their sibling can say on your behalf “Did you hear what your Mum said?” Usually you get a vague “er yes.”

Or ask them to repeat it back to you. That way, you know that they know what they’ve been asked to do — so the excuses for why they didn’t do it later won’t happen.

Just remember if you have standards and you expect things from them. Be prepared to listen to them and understand what they feel is important too.

It won’t be long before they need to go to the bank and ask for a loan to buy a house or set up student loans — get them into the habit of understanding financial conversations and terminology.

Don’t get all high and mighty with “You need to understand the value of money” or “In my day we respected money” they aren’t listening (remember?)

On the other hand, if you say something that relates to what they want in the world — a lift to a party (late at night) the latest K-pop band album that they HAVE to have the day it comes out, you can ask “Okay I’m happy to help you achieve this, how will you be paying for this?”

My children get low pocket money that’s paid into a bank account, and has been since they were young. And yes, only they had the bank card because I wanted them to learn about how to handle money; to save, to understand when it says zero on the balance, you don’t have the funds to see the latest Marvel film or meet your mates. So, what are you going to do about it?

The reason they get low pocket money is not because we are evil but, because when those overpriced K-pop albums are shipped half way around the world to my excited teenager, she is excited and proud:

Yes she saved up. Yes she delivered a thousand newspapers to help pay for it.

And that level of determination and sacrifice of other short-term things she would have loved to own mean I’m happy to make up the difference.

The interesting thing is they never ask for money. So, if it’s given as a surprise, they are always very grateful and appreciate that is not the norm.

I usually ensure after the “Thanks Mum, you’re awesome” has died down, we do have a serious conversation around “Now, you know why I paid the rest right?”

And I then give her the space to think and list of “Yes mum, I helped with the kitchen, I have cleared my washing (I don’t do their washing — if I do their washing at 15 and 18 at what age are they going to learn? Just as they are starting a long houred new job or as they start University and will need their brain space for far more important things. )

We are 4 adults living in this house all with:

Goals
Ambitions.
Friends.
Work.
Weekend plans.

And because of that we all need to appreciate that every week this house will need:

Floors washing.
Hoovering.
Polishing.
Cleaning.
Grass cut.
Recycling.
And various other tasks.

Don’t confront them. Don’t give them ultimatums. Ask questions like:

“I know you’ve got big plans for this weekend, as you can see the house needs to be tidy by Monday, what can you do to help with that?”

“I know you’ve got a lot of homework to do but a little brain space will help you process your thoughts. So in between homework, how can you help with the weekly chores?”

And if they don’t help? The recycling has ended up on my sons bed and I have put dirty cups back in my daughters bedroom with a note saying “Sorry these don’t live on the side. ”

Adults hide their true emotions all the time. I know that sometimes the last thing my kids want is me in their room, but other times they want a chat and someone listening to them.

Don’t go in strong — still be who you’ve always been to them but read the signs:

Longer gaming than usual.
Sitting in the dark on the phone.
Not wanting to eat with you.
Getting home and hiding in the room without even saying hello.
More short tempered than usual.
Eating more or less.

There’re many and you know your child. Trust your gut instinct but don’t go in all guns blazing “Let mummy fix it!” The door will be slammed in your face or you will hear “Ergh, mum you just don’t get it.”

With teens, it’s all about the timing.

List their brilliance — it will help you for the day they are hitting your buttons.

When my son finished his GCSE’s, he was going to be off school for nearly 4 months. I had made it clear that the rest of the family were working, so he wouldn’t spend 4 months gaming. If he didn’t’ find a job, I could find plenty of jobs around the house. (I sound so evil right?)

I’ve learnt that to push it means they will push back. So when one month passed and still he had no job, he noticed the money dried up. He wanted new shorts (This had holes). Everyone was going to the cinema and“he didn’t have enough in his bank account.

I didn’t argue with him, I just said “A job would probably be useful then” and wouldn’t get dragged into it; as hard as it is I so wanted to just phone my business contacts and find him a job.

I knew that the real reason he hadn’t found a job was because he feared going into restaurants, bars, shops and offices and asking for one. I can remember that fear and I wasn’t going to force his hand. His friends did that for me.

Eventually 2 months later when I still wasn’t opening the doors of the bank of Mom and Dad, he came home proudly to announce he had been offered 5 interviews and had 2 jobs he could immediately start that Saturday.

In one morning!

Wow that was fast? What did I do?

Nothing.

He needed to get there for himself. Eventually the pain of not having the things and experiencing what he wanted was associated with having no money. And so he did something about it despite the fear of talking to strangers or carrying 5 plates at once.

Fear will never stop being an issue in life — trust me as a coach specialising in this, I know!

Wind forward 6 months and the boss of the restaurant stopped me and said “Your son has an awesome work ethic, is great with customers, gets loads of tips and learns quickly.” Now that beats any school report!

If I had forced him this first memories of interviews and getting jobs, it would have been stressful for him.

By not pushing him, he could get there on his own and now knows he can get the job — that’s essential knowledge and experience for life. Interviews are scary enough!

Basic life skills such as how to shake someone’s hand, how to greet someone, why eye contact is important and what your body language can say to people — before you get a chance to speak…

These (and many more) help when you aren’t feeling confident to try new things. Don’t expect miracles only 5 years earlier he was still asking me to take him around the local area to find Pokémon!

There are few things I put my foot down about. We expect a high standard from our children and don’t get me wrong, they can stomp off and slam a door like Olympic champions if they want to, but they do know we expect:

Film night once a month — we will provide the sweets and popcorn you give us 2 hours of your life.

Meal time every night — with a few naughty treats — do you know how excited a teen gets at the prospect of a pizza in bed all on their own watching what they like?

I think it’s only fair because we all need space and while I’m not keen on the eating in bed thing –give in and let them do a few things they love. Your actions show you care. Even if the bed sheets aren’t so appreciative.

In the school holidays, I expect them to come out for the day with me and yes, take them to any café or restaurant they like. Give and take.

Go to the cinema and see what they want. I could go in a different cinema and watch my choice of film but it’s usually a dead cert that I will be watching Marvel or some off spin CGI film with them instead.

I’ve seen every Disney, Pixar and Marvel film going — I could do with a break and a few films with real humans in, but my theory is you don’t get to keep them for long.

And that’s the point isn’t it. If you find yourself seeing red, and struggling, they are at the age that they could be moving out within a few years and that’s it for this stage — it’s all over.

I cherish every half term. Every moan about a teacher. Every in-depth description of “she said, he said” because in a few years time, they will get new people in their lives — girlfriends, boyfriends… And then you really are knocked off their pedestal!

As my mum said to me when my children were very little, teething and sleep was something I’d read about in a fairy tale. But I didn’t believe were real, I’d asked “Mum does it get easier?” and my Mum replied with a smile “It doesn’t get easier, it gets different. ”

So I look forward to what the next stage will bring — probably no less worry, no less fun, no less conversations but, possibly more place settings at the table and some exciting times. Another reason to cherish every day now.

How to find questionable parenting advice on WikiHow — Magic Beans

We’re not the first to notice that WikiHow is a treasure trove for those who appreciate absurd humor: it’s full of instructions for activities no one would conceivably do, overly detailed instructions for everyday activities, and truly awful clip-art.

Today, though, we’re addressing the articles on this site that are of the most use to our audience: the ones on babies and parenting. Hopefully you’ll enjoy their oddball charm as much as we did.

How To React To An Ugly Baby

There is no such thing as an ugly baby, WikiHow! We are disappointed in you.

With that said, lying by omission does seem like a solid strategy.

How To Have Popular Kids

If only it was as simple as “Follow the simple steps below and you’ll have a happy child that loves school and has many friends. ” Also: why not let a girl play football, or let a boy study dance, if that’s what they want to do?

How to Prepare a Baby Nursery for a Newborn Baby’s Arrival

Now this is a puzzler: how do you choose a room in the average house that “tends to have the warmest warmth in the house, yet is slightly away from all other action from nearby passer-bys, yet still is close enough to the parents that they can get to the child within a few seconds”?

And, why do you need to hide an “extra pacifier in an un-seen area that couldn’t be visible to the child”? And why do you need to hide the baby monitor from your child? Are newborns worried about surveillance?

Also, wall-to-wall carpeting is not always the best idea, and the picture they chose to endorse wall-to-wall carpet really makes the idea unappealing.

How To Be Cool Around Your Kids

Best read aloud very fast in a teenage Valley Girl voice:

“Cool does not mean the whole rapper outfit. For example, instead of wearing your floral shorts and your old, torn up “The Monkees” shirt, or trying to dress like a rapper with baggy shirts, falling off your butt jeans and a gangster hat, wear nice, darker dress shoes, darker, well fitting jeans and a plain white dress shirt if your a father. If you’re a mother, try cute flats or cute high heels (Just don’t wear hooker boots), flattering jeans (Any color, and, if you can pull them off, skinny jeans) for your body, a nice, fun-but-stylish-and-mature shirt (Pick a color that compliments your hair color, eye color, skin color etc.), and maybe a cute necklace and/or a bracelet. Hair doesn’t really matter, just have a clean but fun, stylish cut, with a nice colour (In other words, not a strange color. Either dye it an average color, or let it be natural) so that, all in all, you are stylish. Those outfits are cool and stylish. You can be stylish and mature at the same time. Don’t wear high socks or short shorts. You don’t want to embarrass your child when you drive him or her to school. ”

How To Be Respected As A Father

The idea of laughing off a fistfight of this magnitude is worrisome to say the least.

How To Be A Normal Dad

One gets the sense that the person who wrote this is directly addressing their actual embarrassing dad, especially when they say “Don’t talk about letting one off or doing a number two in public.”

How To Rear A Nice Child

This one just rides off the rails at full speed when it hits step 2. Just who is it who needs to be told not to dangle babies by their arms? The dismaying predictions for kids who don’t get enough attention are also a bit over the top.

How To Take A Stroller On An Escalator

First of all, it’s probably better to take an elevator if you can find one. Second of all, this appears to be a pram-style setup where the baby wouldn’t be harnessed in, and so looking at the pictures is not only confusing but is making me really worried about the baby rattling around in there.

How To Adopt A Father

Something seems fishy about this.

How To Choose A Unique Name

We do not endorse attempting to contact JK Rowling for baby-naming advice.

How To Raise A Gentleman

There’s nothing egregious in the article, but the artwork depicting the child as a disturbing mini-me of the father is just fascinating. Frankly, I tuned out what was in the article after a while and just looked at the pictures.

How To Be A Punk Rock Parent

Solid advice: “Be careful to avoid wearing anything that could harm a child. Accidentally knocking your baby with a stud wristband while wrestling with the diapers on the change table is not a good outcome.”

How To Train Your Cat To Enjoy A Pet Stroller

Just don’t.

How to Be a Cool Aunt or Uncle Without Alienating Your Niece or Nephew’s Parents
Also, don’t be this guy.

Finally, here’s some advice we hope you never have to use:

How To Deliver A Baby

How To Find Out If You Have A Child You Don’t Know About

The post How to find questionable parenting advice on WikiHow appeared first on Spilling the Beans - Magic Beans.

With more tender. How to be feminine

How to become feminine and desirable always? This question worries many, because there is nothing more pleasant in the world than to inspire and delight the beloved man. Here are 9 simple steps that will bring you closer to true female happiness.

Poems are written in the name of women, wars are started and the most reckless acts are committed. Despite the fact that we are called the "weaker" sex, we have great power - the ability to inspire men, giving them our care and love. But, unfortunately, not all women know how to use their natural gifts, which leads to disappointment in love and resentment against men. If you are concerned about the question - how to become feminine and desirable always, listen to the tips below. It turns out that only nine simple steps separate you from your own happiness.

How to become feminine and desirable?

Step #1 - control your emotions

Anger, the manifestation of negative emotions and the desire to sort things out are the main enemies of femininity, because men want to see us as sweet and good-natured creatures. Hiding your true feelings is an incredibly difficult task, but at least try not to show your emotions to others.

Step #2 - Stay Mysterious

We've all heard of female mystery, which, in a good way, drives men crazy. This does not mean that you should speak in florid phrases, disappear without explanation and in every possible way demonstrate your originality. Just compare yourself with an interesting book: if you lay out the whole plot to a man from the very first pages, he will lose its meaning in further reading. Try to keep the intrigue. Do not impose on your chosen one, do not show excessive initiative and do not tell him about your feelings 10 times a day. Let the man understand that your life does not belong only to him, otherwise all your efforts will become boring and uninteresting.

Step #3 - do not be afraid to lose a man

We are afraid of losing those we love. And this fear makes us dependent and predictable. To keep love, you need to let it go, but not literally, but figuratively. This means that you should not worry about the fact that one day your romance may end. Drive away such thoughts, because we live here and now and we should enjoy the present, and not overshadow it with ephemeral fears.

Step #4 - Respect Yourself

If you don't respect yourself, you won't be able to demand respect from a man. However, do not confuse self-respect and self-centeredness. In a healthy version, self-esteem manifests itself in upholding your own principles, unwillingness to go against your beliefs, and also to sacrifice things that are really important to you for the whim of another person. No matter how much you love a man, do not devote your life only to him. Often this sacrifice is unnecessary and even harmful.

Step #5 - be moderately capricious

A common mistake of women in love is that they agree with all the actions of a man, even if it is contrary to their personal interests. Complete obedience seems to fill the relationship with ease and comfort. Showing absolute pliability, you really become a comfortable passion for a man, however, convenience has nothing to do with love and happiness. To attract, inspire and excite a man, you just need to be yourself, be able to defend your own position and protect your interests.

Step #6 - don't become a "mom" for your chosen one

Every woman has a maternal instinct, under the influence of which we want to take care of those we love. Moderate care is a natural part of the manifestation of feelings on the part of a woman in love. However, if care turns into maternal concern and every minute worries about a loved one, in the eyes of a man it looks like annoying fussiness and a desire to subdue him. A man left his father's house in order to be independent, which means that in his beloved woman he wants to see, first of all, a friend, partner, lover, but not a mother.

Step #7 - be weak and defenseless

If the maternal instinct lives in us, then the protector instinct lives in men. Let your chosen one feel like a real hero next to you. Even if you are able to solve all the troubles that arise in your life on your own, play along with the man. Be weak and defenseless, gladly accepting his help.

Step #8 - Love Yourself

Nobody can love you if you don't love yourself. This simple truth is as old as the world, however, it is she who is the basis of happiness and harmony. True self-love is manifested not in excessive demands and capriciousness, but in understanding one's own desires and the ability to act for the benefit of one's interests.

Step #9 - Live up to your ideal

If you want to be loved by a prince, you must become a princess. Of course, in one very famous fairy tale, a representative of royal blood fell selflessly in love with poor Cinderella. But, if you remember, Cupid's arrow pierced the prince's heart not at the moment when Cinderella worked under the yoke of her stepmother, but when she shone at the ball. If miracles do not happen even in fairy tales, then you should not expect them in life either. To attract the attention of a worthy man, you must live up to your ideal: take care of your appearance, engage in self-development, but most importantly, do not be afraid to express your individuality, because it is she who is the magic force that captivates men.

To become feminine and desirable always, you just need to live in harmony with your own world. Realize that happiness is within you. And in order to enjoy it, you need to forget about previous disappointments and believe in your own exclusivity.

Any stupidity for your sake
Our ancestors did it easily;
Because of your beautiful eyes
Madness is not uncommon among us. ..
Ah, women, all our glory
You submit to yourself...
O delightful right
Captivate us and drive us crazy!

Denis Diderot, French poet and philosopher

The epigraph is not accidental. Who, if not the French - the main connoisseurs of female beauty and charm - know how a girl can become feminine and desirable. In any case, that's how it's supposed to be. The refined and well-aimed sayings of the famous French philosopher-enlightener will come in handy more than once, because we are talking about us, women, and our important dignity - femininity.

What is the ideal of a woman today

How to become feminine and attractive for a beloved man? What do you need to be for this - affectionate, gentle, beautiful externally and internally, charming? We often think about how to become beautiful: adjust the parameters of the figure to the cherished 90-60-90, dye your hair in a “natural blond”, smooth out wrinkles. Certainly, all these reflections and efforts are commendable. But how often do we think about how to become not just beautiful, but how to become a feminine and well-groomed girl?

We develop a lot of positive qualities in ourselves: perseverance in achieving goals, courage in mastering extreme sports, responsible attitude to work. But sometimes we don’t particularly strive to learn how to develop femininity in ourselves - perhaps the most important quality bestowed on us by nature. If you are full of virtues and are in great physical shape, it's time to develop femininity in yourself. "Easy Useful" will help you find the answer to the question of how to become more feminine.

What is femininity

It is extremely difficult to define this concept in a nutshell. If you ask this question to men, many will answer: "This is tenderness, charm, calm softness." Women themselves are likely to talk about self-care, fashion and style, and good manners. True femininity evokes emotions and sensations, but drawing her “verbal portrait” is not easy: she creates an aura of inexplicable attraction around a woman. What color is this aura? And how to shine with this magical warm glow? How to become feminine?

"Once again about love"

When talking about women, the first association is undoubtedly love: for a lover, spouse, child. But for this feeling to blossom in all its diversity, a woman simply needs to love herself. To become more feminine and tender, this love must be causeless and sincere. The question “why should I love myself” sounds incorrect: do not confuse self-respect and appreciation of your own achievements and successes with love for yourself as a human being.

Love yourself for being unique. There has never been, is not, and never will be like you. Love yourself as part of a vast beautiful world and as a person who can make this world a better place. Without showing your most precious quality - the ability to love - it is impossible to become feminine. And you need to start with yourself, but do not confuse self-love with narcissism. Being in love is blind, but true love with kind attention will point out shortcomings and tell you how to fix them, how to become tender.

The inner world of a woman

With all the importance of external attractiveness, it is much more important to become tender and feminine. Femininity is, first of all, a woman's sense of self in the world, her inner mood. The best assistant in this is meditation. Deep relaxation will help you get in the right mood. Learn meditation techniques and spend at least a few minutes daily meditating.

Use calm, beautiful music. Take as a basis phrases close to mantras, for example: "I radiate love and receive love", "I bathe in generous streams of love." Based on them, come up with your own affirmations (settings).
And - smile! What better than a smile reflects harmony and light in the soul? Whatever you are doing - leading a large company or walking with a baby and preparing dinner - remember: you are the embodiment of love and light. Can such a creature be sluggish and stooped? Of course not!

"Cheerfulness of spirit, grace and plasticity"

You guessed it, this is a quote from Vladimir Vysotsky's song about gymnastics. If you want to become feminine - do exercises daily and with pleasure. And not only for the sake of the figure: femininity is inseparable from such qualities as grace and grace. Pay special attention to your posture, movements and gestures. Add simple ballet steps to the set of exercises: this way you will learn to hold your back with effortless pride. Learn temperament and a touch of seduction in Latin dances, and then your walk will only be envied. Take a closer look at the movements of animals and birds: it is not in vain that the concept of “natural grace” exists. Learn from a graceful cat how to become feminine and desirable.

Review films where the actress playing the key character is the standard of femininity. What gestures and in what situations does she use? How appropriate is this? Body language is very expressive: one or two charming hand movements are essential in your arsenal.

So, we take all the best from the world of dance, nature and cinema and adapt it for ourselves. Do not copy someone else's charm - invent your own. Because, as the same great Diderot noted:

There is no true beauty without naturalness.

"Fashion passes, style remains"

How to become elegant? Whatever the situation requires, an image without a “zest” is boring. But above all, it must be whole. It is not at all necessary to strictly follow fashion - to create a stylish look, individuality is much more important. The following tips will help you become more feminine.

All these details will eloquently reveal your secret: you do not just strive to be well-dressed - you creatively and lovingly create a stylish look. This is the secret of reincarnation. And what could be more feminine than mystery?

Treat and cherish oneself

You must admit that an outfit chosen with taste and to the point will sparkle only when its owner looks well-groomed. Your own feelings work at the subconscious level:

“Is my skin soft to the touch? I'm attractive!
“Is my hair soft like silk? It's nice to touch me!"
“Do I have well-groomed nails? I won't go unnoticed!"

In today's world, where a woman is not only a spouse and mother, but often also the "financier" of the family and the "engine of progress", it is quite difficult to devote time to yourself. But to become feminine and desirable, it is simply necessary. Here are some tips from Easy Useful.

“Let me kiss your hand!”

Dear young ladies, remember: how you extend your hand to a man depends on whether he kisses or shakes it. This simple passage clearly demonstrates the importance of gestures. Active gestures can irritate the interlocutor, and its absence can create the impression of a cold person about you. For each case, their gestures and appropriate demeanor are good. But there are things that you need to learn in order to become elegant and feminine. For example, how do you hold your hands when you don't have a purse or a cell phone in them? How, sitting on the couch, put the legs so that they seem longer?
Watch others, analyze movies, read literature on etiquette - it is not so difficult to develop your own system of gestures. Smooth, graceful movements of the hands and well-groomed fingers will add playfulness and coquetry to the image.

Timbre of voice and manner of speaking

Voice is as important as gestures. Even in the most difficult, conflict situations, try not to raise your voice. Remember: those who speak softly hear best. Sometimes, if you need help, for example, even a hint of self-doubt is acceptable.

Of course, obscene expressions and rude words are unacceptable: they do not fit in with the concepts of tenderness, femininity. Work with your voice: listen to yourself in the recording, try attending courses - there are a great many of them, in addition to oratory and stage speech. Practice, rehearse, read love lyrics out loud. The voice is a magnificent instrument, one of the most powerful in its own way. Master it! Even if you have dozens of people under your command, try to give orders, but never give orders in a commanding tone. Learn to be emotional within the norm. Expressing your emotions subtly and sincerely is a very feminine tactic.

Strength is in weakness

Time dictates its own laws - we, women, are used to being strong, independent, even courageous in the struggle for career heights and happy everyday life of the household. We'll have to wean ourselves, at least for fun, because, as our old friend Diderot said:

We always remain ourselves, although we never remain the same for a minute.

So, how can a woman show her weakness without pretense?

The result of hard work on oneself and the search for oneself will not be long in coming. A little time will pass, and you will become a real lady: with a proud posture, grace in every movement and a soft voice.

Manual

Let's start with the hair. They must be long. This is necessary to emphasize the gender difference as much as possible. Short haircuts are very few. And men usually don't like them. However, if the hair is excessively long - up to the priests, below the priests, to the knees - this causes men to associate with an elderly woman from the village.

The following note is addressed to women over forty. During this period, menopause begins, and many decide to cut the length of their hair. This is absolutely impossible to do. The hormonal background changes, you start to smell differently, and if you also cut your hair, then you turn into a kind of sexless creature for men. They stop noticing you.

It is very important that the eyes are expressive. If nature has not rewarded you with such, then you just need to resort to the help of competent makeup.

Men are attracted by a small nose, like . But do not be upset if your nose is not so close to perfection. The most important thing is that it looks harmonious on the face.

The lips should be plump and sensual. In men, on a subconscious level, there is a strong association between the lips on the face and the labia. Therefore, when girls use bright newfangled shades of lipstick - purple, blue, yellow, dark brown, men get the impression that the girl is sick with something, that something is wrong with her. Even if the man is not aware of this report. It is better to give preference to more natural shades. If you really want a bright lipstick, get, for example, red.

The neck is considered beautiful when it is long and flexible. It can be emphasized with the help of a spectacular, properly selected neckline.

Maximum contrast should be achieved between the hips and the waist. If you do not have a very narrow waist by nature, you can use one secret. You need to pump up your shoulders and hips a little in the gym. Thus, the waist will appear narrower. Or choose clothes that match the style.

Men like long legs. Therefore, they are so attracted to girls in heels. However, it is curious that some studies say that the longer a girl's legs, the less temperamental she is.

When it comes to clothing, we should emphasize gender differences as much as possible. Dresses and skirts are the best assistants in the matter of femininity. If you decide to wear jeans, then they should favorably emphasize the ass.

Shoes. Since men like a small foot, it is better to put aside oversized sneakers and shapeless ugg boots. You don't have to go overboard with fashion. Don't forget who creates it.

Estrogen is the most important female hormone. It is thanks to him that our forms become so attractive. Estrogen levels can be influenced through a properly selected diet with a reduced content of meat products and by training intimate muscles.

Men like unobtrusive and light scents. Heavy fragrances are associated with very aged women. You have to be careful with expensive perfumes as they are mostly heavy. After all, it can be very disappointing when you pay thirty thousand for a bottle of precious fragrance, and men will scatter in different directions. It is preferable to wear a light, playful perfume.

Femininity is a special energy that attracts men. It comes from the representatives of the beautiful half of humanity, who managed to preserve this quality in themselves and not suppress it under the burden of everyday life. In Buddhist mythology, the concept of femininity is attributed to the energy "yin", which releases and maintains masculinity - "yang".

True femininity does not consist solely in gait, dress, figure or character. This is a special sexual impulse, natural seduction, tenderness and charm, which can awaken the best facets of character in a man. Therefore, the task of every lady is to learn how to develop her inner qualities, sensuality and spiritual charm, and then improve her body.

How to develop feminine energy

In order to understand how to become feminine and attractive to men, you need to learn to treat everything with love. You need to put your soul into everything you have to do and face every day. To bring up a real woman in yourself and inspire men to exploits, you need:

, their appearance, manners, figure and inner world. A woman is a magnet that attracts the energy that fills her. Therefore, the secret of happiness lies in self-love, which will certainly return in the guise of an affectionate husband, children and others.
Practice singing, developing your voice. Our ancient ancestors believed that vocal lessons could cleanse the throat chakra of negativity. This is a kind of revival and purification from dark energy. The daily practice of singing helps to find inner harmony, develop the ability to control emotions and cope with anger.
Dancing to learn to feel your sexuality, acquire grace and increase libido. A man loves with his eyes, so the special dance that you present to him can be more eloquent than any words. Perform a dance exercise every day and the result will not be long in coming.
Master yoga skills based on meditation, body control and esoteric self-acceptance techniques. The art of yoga is especially useful for married women, because it helps to awaken inner peace, restore psycho-emotional balance and gradually get rid of negative thoughts.
To independently master arts and crafts, which helps to eradicate inner fear, feel calm and discover new talents in oneself.
Learn to love your body and enjoy your own touch. Each geisha spent 2-3 hours a day to meditate during an incense massage. The skill of satisfying tactile hunger allows you to look rested, irresistible and attractive. Well-groomed body is absolute femininity through the eyes of strong men who are used to admiring the graceful curves of the hips, waist and chest.

To reveal your femininity and enhance its manifestations, start decorating your bed. Sprinkle it with flower petals, replace a hard mattress with a soft one, lay out a beautiful set of linen or put incense sticks at the head that will exude an exquisite aroma. This will allow you to enjoy the rest, put your thoughts in order and fill yourself with light energy.

Visual manifestation of femininity

Femininity is manifested in the ability to control one's body, emotions and control the mind. In order to develop it, you need:

Let go of the situation. The most common mistake that a girl or woman makes is the desire to keep everything under control. Of course, the fair sex is considered the best leaders and bosses, but at home and alone with your beloved man, you need to forget about your social vocation. Nature has endowed ladies with a powerful weapon - the ability to gently convince, give unobtrusive advice and emphasize male significance.

For example: a wife asks her husband to buy her a fur coat, and then reproaches her husband for not having enough money to live. The issues of providing for the family should be decided by a man, so there is no need to humiliate his dignity and convict him of insolvency. Give thanks for what he gives you and you will get much more in return.

The task of a lady is to show a man how much she depends on him. Do not be afraid to attract attention with requests, flirtatious charisma and natural weakness. Remember - you are the same little girl that you don’t want to educate at all, but only protect and pamper. The Vedas say that the strength of "yin" lies in weakness.

For example: ask your companion to help you carry your bags, drive in that same nail, or fix a sofa. The feeling of your helplessness will bribe and attract real heroes who are ready to perform feats for their charming beauty.

Learn to argue, command, and give orders. This is a masculine approach to solving situations. Feel your uniqueness, contained in the ability to open any door with a smile, a kind word or a smooth gesture.

Example: You start yelling at your man and reproaching him for not keeping his promises. It will be much more effective to hug him and whisper in his ear that you are very upset that you still have not bought the shoes you like. This psychological method will be more effective and will allow you to achieve the desired result.

It is important to develop the ability to speak beautifully. These lessons in absolute femininity will allow you to expand your vocabulary, while you will learn how to disarm your opponent with the manner of communication. A mysterious look, softness in her voice and a calm timbre - that's what makes men admire their companion, who clearly expresses her thoughts.

Tip! Femininity should be manifested in peace. There is nothing worse than a lady who allows herself to express herself with “strong words”, add screams and sharp movements with her hands to this. Wife, mother, housewife - these concepts imply wisdom and peace.

Therefore, learn to use epithets, read more and develop your horizons. Then any man will want to spend time with you, share your opinion and love.

A real lady has elegant, graceful movements that can give rise to the most daring fantasies in the male imagination. Her every gesture is a seductive mystery, so try to give up the rush and fuss. Learn to return your movements to their original softness, as if Venus comes out of the water. Allow your energy to fill every cell of your body with love, then you can move with elegance and ease.

If you want to become a muse for your man, then learn to make the right pauses. This means that you need to remain silent in the midst of a conflict, or allow your chosen one to make a decision on their own. Femininity is inner beauty, the ability to rule without words and open the way to a man's heart through his wisdom.

Appearance and manner of dressing - creating a charming image

"The standard of beauty and elegance" is the ability to dress stylishly, walk gracefully and present yourself from the best side. Vedic astrology says that a woman should emphasize her tenderness and sexual energy, return to her roots and move away from male habits.

Flying skirts, flared trousers, jewelery and exquisite bijouterie - these are the elements of the wardrobe that can transform the figure and emphasize the sensuality of the image. Do you want to discover the real woman in you? Then buy yourself a cool sweater with a deep neckline, tight jeans, replace the wedges with heels. Restrained sexuality is the main sign of femininity that a husband or beloved boyfriend will appreciate.

Here is a top list of things to do to create a light and flirty look that will attract the admiring glances of passers-by:

See photos of fashion shows and learn about new items. Famous designers create models of things that emphasize the seductiveness of the figure and allow you to express the individuality of the character.
Avoid bulky items that obscure your silhouette.
Prefer fabrics in bed colors, because they make you want to touch the female body.
Change your haircut with photos of the current trends of the season.
Admire yourself in front of a mirror in new clothes. The main secret of an attractive image is the ability to praise yourself in private. A mantra will help with this, such as: “I am a beautiful lady who attracts men”, “My image is admirable!”.

It is also good for the development of femininity, for example, the following help:

I am happy that I was born a Woman.
I Thank my Inner Woman for giving me the opportunity to live a full, bright, rich Life.
I enjoy taking care of myself.
My Inner Woman is my softness, kindness, tenderness, affection, sensitivity, responsiveness.

I open and accept my Inner Woman.
I lovingly grow the flower of femininity and beauty in my mind and body.
I am the source of boundless love that expands to the whole world.
I am a wise and beautiful Woman.
I enjoy everything I have.

I love myself just the way I am. I am always attractive.
I deserve all the best. I open myself to happiness and love.
My femininity blossoms every day.
Love in my life begins with myself.

I am sweet and attractive.
I am talented and unique.
I am a luxurious expensive woman.
I am a magnet for love.
I radiate love.

I am a beautiful flower.
I'm sweet as honey.
I walk the path of femininity.
I know how to love and enjoy.
I follow my feminine nature.

Remember: you should always look sophisticated, from underwear to manicure. Give preference to lace, airy fabrics and bright accessories. Only in this way will music play in your soul that will attract fans and make you irresistible!

“Only girls in jazz”, the role of the main character is played by Marilyn Monroe, who has always been considered the standard of femininity;
Anouk Aime in the film "Man and Woman" - that's where femininity is over the edge;
Fragile and graceful Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's;
Michel Mercier in the film "Angelique";
A vivid example of a real woman in the face of Vivien Leigh in the film "Gone with the Wind";
And the film "The Honest Courtesan" is a real textbook on femininity.

In the modern rhythm of life, women confidently occupy equal positions with men in all spheres of activity. Therefore, sometimes it is so difficult for them to remain sweet, soft, gentle, feminine creatures. Politics, business and leadership positions require something completely different - toughness, willpower, indisputability and monumentality.

And so you want to remain a real woman! The recommendations of experienced psychologists will prompt how to become feminine and conquer everyone with their tenderness and gentleness in any life situation .

What is femininity?

If a woman thinks about the issue of femininity - she has already done half of the work - the problem is realized. The second step should be an understanding of what this concept includes and how it generally applies to it. In psychology, femininity is understood as a whole set of qualities and traits that a real woman should possess:

beautiful, well-groomed appearance;
fidelity;
sincerity;
fragility and a certain defenselessness;
tenderness;
emotionality (within the normal range).

If all this is present in a woman, men are drawn to her like a magnet: they like to communicate with her, they have a desire to protect and protect her. And everyone around, feeling this magnetism, is imbued with trust and warmth towards her. A rough, harsh, tough woman is much less likely to establish good relations with others.

Therefore, the question of how to become more feminine becomes relevant for a very wide range of the fair sex: both for those who have rudeness - a purely natural quality, and for those who have it dictated by harsh living conditions. A woman must always remain a woman - this must always be remembered.

How to become more feminine: a guide to action

Having learned for yourself what femininity is, you can start working on yourself in this direction. Do you have all of the above listed qualities? What is missing from this list?

And how can you change that? In fact, in the question of how to become feminine, there are no primary and secondary tasks: you need to start a comprehensive work that will include the following steps.

1. Appearance

People perceive you initially by your appearance, so always watch yourself. Well-groomedness and taste are the basis of femininity.

Regular visits to the hairdresser, get manicures, wear skirts, high heels, complete your look with nice little things and accessories: jewelry, gloves, a flirty hairpin - everything should make your image feminine and airy. And don't forget the perfume scents.

2. Sociability

Make contact with people, don't be afraid of them. In place of each of them, imagine one of your loved ones and relatives. Smile, trust people and try to see more of the good in them than the bad. And do not hesitate to ask for help: defenselessness is one of the basic properties of a real woman.

3. Self-acceptance

Are you too critical of yourself? You don't like your own reflection in the mirror? Away with all these thoughts! Only that woman who can truly love herself will be loved by others.

4.

Love

Beloved person and children change a woman from the inside. So think about it: is it time to start a family? By developing these qualities in yourself, trying to change internally, doing this painstaking work day after day, you will soon notice that your life takes on completely new turns and facets.

It will become easier for you to communicate with the people around you, you will begin to notice the looks of men on you, you will even change for the better internally.

These will be the first results of self-improvement: each time you will become more feminine, softer, more graceful, sweeter. The main thing is to avoid annoying mistakes that can ruin everything.

The most unfeminine deeds and qualities

Working on yourself in the direction of femininity, be sure to try to take into account the mistakes that are characteristic of many iron ladies, who are so far from grace and softness. According to psychological research, the most UN-feminine behaviors and qualities are:

smoking;
addiction to alcohol;
constant wearing of trousers, shoes without heels and clothes of dark shades;
frowning, dissatisfied expression, no smile;
harsh voice;
habit to decide everything and always by yourself;
unwillingness to ask for help;
isolation;
intransigence.

If you really want to become feminine, sophisticated and attractive to others, try to avoid these mistakes, which you will not be forgiven. One wrong move - the image will be hopelessly damaged: unfortunately, the bad is remembered for a long time.

But, having learned the lessons of female attractiveness, you can finally win people's hearts and be a real embodiment of femininity, grace and grace.

How to raise a child without shouting and punishing

The whole truth about how to choose a backpack for a first grader.

Articles
How to raise a child without screaming and punishment

Raising a child is a long, laborious and not always smooth process, during which we form his personality and give him basic settings for life. That is why it is so important to use only the right methods in the course of educational actions and to abandon harmful ones, such as screaming, tantrums and physical punishment.

What is the danger of shouting and punishment for raising a child?

The use of verbal and even more so physical punishment entails many negative consequences for the upbringing of children:

Children become embittered. Cruelty breeds cruelty, so over time, from upbringing in a raised voice, even the most good-natured and timid child can begin to be rude in response and become aggressive not only towards mom and dad, but also to the rest of those around them.
Over time, it becomes impossible to raise a child without screaming and using punishments. Children get used to the fact that what is said in a normal tone is not obligatory to be carried out and begin to act on instructions only when the parents begin to raise their tone. As a result, the child gets a completely distorted picture of the world and the correct methods of education.
In childhood, the psychological core of a person is formed and the foundations of communication with other people are laid. If in childhood your child suffers from constant screams and tantrums, in the future this may lead to the fact that the child will not be able to stand up for himself, will be unsure of himself.

Sometimes disobedience and tantrums occur for reasons that absolutely cannot be punished or shouted for, for example, physiological (pain, thirst, fatigue) or psychological (stress, fear). To make it easier for you to navigate the topic and educate your child, we recommend reading our material on children's tantrums.

What should mothers and fathers do to raise an inquisitive, active and grateful child without shouting and punishment?

For your parenting strategy to work, it is essential that all family members who come into contact with the child, in particular grandparents, adhere to a single line of behavior and use the same methods to achieve results. For example, if a mother sets a rule for one candy a day, then under no pretext should the rest of the family break this rule, because it is with such inconsistencies that disobedience in children begins.

Train your patience. Remember that in any dispute and difficult situation, you remain an adult and the outcome of what is happening and the upbringing process as a whole depends on you. Yes, children are prone to tantrums, manipulation and other tricks that can piss them off. But it is important for moms and dads to understand just one thing - your child is only forming his worldview and your task is to educate him and patiently show him the right path, and also be able to accept his opinion, which may not coincide with yours.

To raise an obedient baby, from a very early age, show that it is the parents who are the main ones in the family. If you bring up children correctly, then sometimes one glance or half a word is enough for authoritative parents to achieve results. And this is not at all about the fact that the child will unquestioningly fulfill requests because of fear. No, just understanding from the very beginning a clear hierarchy in the family, he will accept these rules of the game.

Have a clear list of prohibitions and always justify them. Prohibitions must be supported by the fact that certain actions can harm the child or others. At the same time, everything else must be allowed, because he needs to know the world. For example, a ban on going out of the yard for a baby under 6 years old is quite justified, just explain to the child that this carries with it a number of dangers to his life. At the same time, arguments like “Because I said so” should not sound from your lips.

When educating, introduce the child to the household and solving family issues. A kid from a very early age should understand his importance, but only in the context of the fact that he is an integral part of the family and his opinion is taken into account. Of course, a child cannot participate in solving global and serious issues, but it is quite possible to entrust him with the choice of bread in the store or to involve him in discussing the color of the walls in his room. This will help instill in the child a sense of responsibility and belonging. Also, the child should have their own responsibilities depending on age. For example, from the first grade, he should be able to fold his school backpack. Of course, at first with the help of the mother, but the child should understand as early as possible that this is his responsibility. Also educating, you need to entrust children with simple tasks around the house, for example, wipe the dust, fold toys or make the bed. At the same time, domestic work should be a normal part of everyday life, but not a punishment for some wrongdoing.

Talk and spend time together. Play, draw, cook, go for walks, travel, read, etc. Only under the condition of regular and high-quality communication with children, it is possible to bring them up obedient and inquisitive without unnecessary screams, tantrums and breakdowns.

Accept the child as he is. The purpose of education is to reveal all the natural talents and capabilities of the baby, to show the basics of behavior in society, while maintaining his individuality. For example, if your child cannot sit in one place, you should not try to “seat” him at all costs, even when his activity does not interfere with anyone. It is better to find useful ways to release energy and then at the right time the child will behave more docilely and obediently.

In addition, in order to raise your child obedient, it is important to know about age crises, follow the link and read more about it.

How can parents develop their self-control and learn how to raise children without screaming?

If you understand that sometimes you can break into a scream or tantrum when talking and teaching a child, we recommend that you listen to the recommendations of psychologists:

Remember that initially mom and dad are the personification of all the best in the small world of a child. But with each release of negativity or aggression, even justified, towards the child, this image will collapse and in the future it will become more and more difficult for you to solve problems with children without screaming.
At the moment when you want to yell or punish a child, put yourself in his place. At this moment, he is already experiencing stress, is it worth it to increase it in order to release his emotions?
If you feel like you can't help it and emotions overwhelm you, move away from the child and count to 10, accompanying the count with deep breaths. As a rule, this time is enough to take a breath and continue the educational conversation in an acceptable tone.

Realize that any difficulties in raising children are temporary. The child is getting older every day. If yesterday he could still unconsciously draw a wall, then tomorrow he will no longer do it. Is it worth it in this case to waste your life resource and spoil the nervous system of the child?
Understand that any shortcomings in raising children are not theirs, but your problem. Accordingly, you need to reconsider your approaches, reactions and methods in order to get the desired result from the child.
During a stressful situation, simulate a future in which your adult and independent child screams and insults you. This technique sharply discourages the desire to raise your voice and solve problems by shouting.

What kinds of "punishments" can be used to raise children?

Own experience. You can educate by allowing the child to do what he wants. Thus, you allow him to punish himself. Of course, this method is not applicable in all situations. But even a few such moments will help him independently come to the conclusion that it would be better if he listened to his parents. For example, your child wants to watch TV until late and you have to get up early the next day, or wants to wear a warm jacket in hot weather. Sometimes it’s not worth arguing and letting the child understand for himself that he didn’t go to bed on time in vain and now he feels tired or he dressed so warmly in vain and now he is hot and needs to carry a heavy jacket in his hands.
Timeout. If a child throws a tantrum or misbehaves, such as bullying his brothers and sisters, you need to temporarily remove the mischief from the family circle and give time to think about your behavior in private. It is best to ask the child to go to his room and return when he calms down. In this type of punishment, it is important for you to show that you are extremely dissatisfied with the actions of the child and you do not want to continue the conversation with him now. At the same time, remember that in order to get the right effect from such an upbringing technique, it cannot be locked in a room, sent to dark and unpleasant places (corner, closet, toilet) and accompany your actions with offensive words. Children should understand that they are still loved, but now they have upset their parents and do not want to talk to them at this moment in time.
Deprivation. Experienced psychologists admit the use of deprivation for the upbringing of children. The main thing is to implement them correctly. You should not deprive a child of something they love simply in response to a bad behavior or act. It is important to agree in advance with the child. For example, if a kid misbehaves in a public place or is negligent in his studies, then for the first time he needs to make a remark, talk to him about the reasons for this behavior and warn him, if this continues, then you will have to take away his gadget or reduce the time of playing at computer. When educating, it is important to make it clear to the child that everything depends on him and you conclude an honest contract.

It is quite possible to raise children without screaming. The main thing to remember is one simple truth that our children are in many ways a reflection of ourselves. And even if in the moment you managed to cope with the conflict or disobedience by yelling at the child, you must remember that these methods never work in the future.

Welcome

Find us on iTunes!

Popular Posts