How to get the mother of my child back

11 Tips on How to Get Back With the Mother of Your Child

Here are 11 of the best tips to help you get back with the mother of your child:

1. Don’t initially make it about the child in any way

If you use the child as the main reason to get back together (e.g. you say “Think of how this will affect our child in future”), she will see it as manipulation.

Women don’t want to feel like they are being manipulated into staying in a relationship with a man.

So, what you need to remember is that the romantic relationship between a man and a woman is different from the relationship they have as parents of the child(ren).

A romantic relationship between a man and a woman is based on mutual sexual attraction, respect and romantic love.

In terms of the woman, it’s about how the man makes her feel when she is with him (e.g. excited, attracted, feminine, girly, in love, respectful of him).

That is separate from the relationship they have as parents of a child (i. e. being caring, looking out for the child, sharing responsibilities, providing for the child).

In most cases, a woman can still care, nurture and provide for her child without needing to have a man living with her, or in a committed relationship with her.

It won’t be ideal, but she can do it.

So, make sure to avoid trying to convince her to get back with you for the child’s sake.

She will want to get back with you, if you are able to awaken her feelings of sexual and romantic attraction.

So, don’t act like just a friend now (i.e. neutral, nice, no flirting), or behave like an unattractive man (e.g. insecure, giving her too much power, being overly soft with her).

Behave as though you are attracting her and picking her up for the first time (i.e. flirt with her, be manly, be assertive in a loving way, use playfully challenging humor, be charismatic).

Don’t try to push for a relationship, or to get the family back together at the moment.

Just re-attract her and she will naturally want to get back with you.

2. Understand the subtle things about your interaction style with her that need to change

Over the years, you have likely developed a habit of talking and interacting with her in a certain way.

Some parts of your interaction style will be appealing to her, whereas other parts won’t.

So, to re-attract her, you will need to make some adjustments to come across in a more attractive and appealing way overall.

For example: Here are some unattractive interaction styles that cause women to feel turned off by an ex…

Being way too nice or generous and seeming to want pity, or a pat on the back for it.
Being too emotionally sensitive (e.g. how he reacts to what she says, how focused he is on his feelings) or wimpy, to the point where she can’t respect him anymore. When a woman can’t respect a guy, she will then stop feeling attracted to him.
Being too stressful to be around, due to being controlling, too worried about little things, easily irritated and so on. As a result, she can’t seem to relax and be happy around him.
Acting like a sad, hurting, rejected ex, rather than behaving like a confident, emotionally secure, attractive man.
Being too emotionally distant because he hopes she will then see that he’s not needy. Yet, she assumes that he’s upset, hurting or possibly doesn’t want her back anymore. It’s always better to be emotionally masculine (i.e. brave, secure, centered) and not be afraid to show some interest via flirting and re-attraction.

If you adjust, change or improve in ways that matter to her, she will naturally feel a renewed sense of respect and attraction for you.

She will then feel drawn to getting back with you and will feel good about doing it.

3. Prepare yourself to offer her a refreshing experience with you

Some of the things that make a relationship feel refreshing are:

Being able to get her out of a bad mood with humor. It’s not about being silly or goofy. Instead, it’s about being strong enough, brave enough and manly enough to use humor in a moment where you are worried about doing it. She then feels your strength and respects you for being able to handle her with confidence, rather than being afraid of her potential reaction.
Making her feel like a sexy, desirable woman by flirting with her, rather than being too polite or neutral and making her feel like just the mother of your child and nothing more. If you don’t include flirting, the spark will almost certainly be missing between you and her. As a result, she will assume that you and her just don’t have that anymore and possibly can’t. She will then look for a new man to experience a sexual and romantic spark.
Occasionally teasing her in a playful way, not talking about the relationship all the time and being easygoing.
Creating a dynamic that motivates her to impress you and want you back, rather than sucking up to her in the hope that she takes pity on you, or allowing her to talk down to you in the hope that she will want you back because she has so much control over you now.

4. Make her reconnect with her romantic love and attraction for you

Some of the ways to do that include:

Being more confident than you used to be.
Flirting with her, rather than only having neutral, friendly, or worse, stressful interactions. For example: She says, “You need to pick up the child today at 4pm” and you laugh and say, “Okay, anything for a pretty woman like you” or, “Okay, but only because you’re pretty. If you weren’t pretty, I’d get there at 5.” You’re not sucking up to her by saying something like that. You’re saying it as a joke. You are playfully teasing her, but also giving her a compliment at the same time. When you make a woman feel attracted to you and also treat her nicely, she sees it as charming. Additionally, when a woman has had a child (or multiple children), she usually loses confidence in her physical appearance, so it feels really good to get a compliment like that.
Making her feel girly in comparison to your manly approach to conversations and interactions, rather than being neutral or worse, making her feel more dominant than you.

5. Bring out a better side of her

The approach that a guy takes to a relationship can bring out a selfish side of a woman, where she withholds love (and sex) and treats him badly, whereas if she was with another guy, she would be loving, attentive, affectionate, sexually open and giving.

For example: If a guy is too nice to a woman and sucks up to her, she will usually see him as being desperate and feel turned off by it, rather than seeing him as an attractive man and feeling lucky to be with him because he’s so nice.

On the other hand, if that very same guy treated her well, but was also a challenge (i.e. a guy who made her feel the need to impress him and maintain his interest. He doesn’t say that. He makes her feel it), she would enjoy the relationship so much more, truly love him and want it to work.

So, focus on being a good guy to your ex, but also be a challenge so she feels motivated to be good to you in return.

For example: If she says that the child needs something and you should buy it, rather than just saying, “Okay” and then expecting nothing in return, you can be a challenge.

You can playfully (important) say, “Sure, I’ll do that…it wouldn’t hurt to say please though” and have a laugh.

You’re still going to do it, but you are playfully letting her know, in a dominant, but loving way that she needs to show you respect and appreciation.

You’re not sulking when you say it, or saying it with irritation in your voice.

Instead, you’re just having a laugh and being a bit playful, while subtly reminding her to be respectful and appreciative towards you.

When a woman feels respectful towards you, she feels attracted even if she doesn’t want to admit it, or show it in any way.

In fact, she might even act like she is annoyed, but as long as you are being confident, playful and loving while saying it, she will feel attracted to you for being able to stand up to her in that manner, rather than just being an obedient guy who follows her every order without expecting any respect or appreciation.

6. Let her sense that you could be a happy family together

Some couples have a child and then simply aren’t ready to handle all of the responsibilities that come with it.

As a result, they end up fighting, blaming, arguing and ruining their romantic feelings for each other.

On the other hand, some couples are able to remain in love romantically and be close, happy and content, regardless of how many children they have.

Couples like that don’t allow the stress of raising a family to get in the way of their sexual and romantic love for each other.

It is a challenge to do and something to get used to, but it is achievable.

If you interact with the mother of your child and she gets the sense that you and her could be a happy family together, then she will naturally begin to feel drawn to you.

For most women, it’s much better to do that, than to constantly date new men who only want sex and eventually have to settle for a guy she isn’t attracted to.

When you interact with her, re-attract her and let her sense that the dynamic between you and her could work now, she won’t be able to stop herself from thinking about you.

7. Let her see that you are confident, happy and enjoying life without her

Enjoying life without her is not about doing things on your own, working on a business or trying to get a promotion.

Instead, it’s about you having fun with other people and being happy around them without her.

Women don’t like to admit it, but when they see that, it makes them feel attracted.

In fact, some women will even act annoyed, disappointed or disgusted that a guy has been able to move on and enjoy his life, while she’s stuck taking care of a child.

Yet, secretly, she will feel attracted to him for being emotionally strong enough to get on with life after being dumped by her.

She will also feel like she is missing out on being with a more confident, emotionally mature, emotionally strong version of him, which will not only attract her, but also compel her to give him another chance before he finds another woman.

So, don’t be afraid to let her see that you’re having a fun time with other people (e. g. doing outdoor activities, attending a sports game, going to a party), even though you and her aren’t together.

8. Don’t be the one pushing for, suggesting or hinting at a relationship

If you push for a relationship, she will almost certainly put up her guard and resist you.

Most women don’t like to be pressured into a relationship they’re not sure about, especially if they don’t feel attracted.

So, the best approach is to make your ex want the relationship for her own reasons.

For example:

She feels attracted to you in new and refreshing ways and wants to experience more of that, so she opens back up to you.
She can see that you’ve leveled up in some of the ways that are important to her, so she worries that it will be difficult to find a new man who understands her like you do.
She feels that if she gets back with you, you will be able to build a future together as a family, which seems safer to her than introducing new men into the picture.
She wants your child to grow up with his/her father.
She feels attracted to you again and worries that if you meet a new woman and fall in love, you will lose interest in being with her. So, she gets back with you while she still has a chance.

As a result, she then hints at, or suggests getting back together, without you having to push for it.

You then give her that chance.

9. Let her sense that getting back with you wouldn’t be additional work for her

Sometimes a guy will text his ex woman way too much, need a lot of her attention, or want to do time-consuming things with her that don’t necessarily involve the children.

If she isn’t attracted to him, then it will feel like work to her, or a burden or annoying obligation as a co-parent.

If she’s already busy taking care of the child and doing whatever else she does on a daily basis, she’s not going to want additional work.

This is why, the best approach is to focus on re-attracting her, while also making interactions feel fun and easygoing.

Make her smile, laugh and feel good, rather than making her feel neutral, or like interacting with you is always about something (e.g. discussing bills, making arrangements for the child, sorting out details).

10. Don’t allow the blame game to ruin things between you and her again

In some cases, both the man and woman will secretly blame each other for the breakup.

Then, if they begin to argue while having a discussion about the relationship, those secretly feelings might come out (e.g. one or both of them starts blaming the other for this/that, suggests they are responsible for the breakdown of the relationship, or for the change in their own behavior).

Blaming won’t get her back.

What will, is when you focus on making her feel attracted to and impressed by the new and improved version of you.

She will then want to forgive any past mistakes you’ve made and will also feel compelled to treat you better and be more attractive to you, to prevent you from losing interest.

11. Prepare for her trying to test you

A woman will usually test her ex’s new approach to her, by throwing a tantrum, insulting him or being unreasonable to see how he reacts.

She will want to know if his new approach is real, or just an act to get her back for now.

She will display the behavior and test to see:

Will he remain confident and emotionally strong?
Will he get dragged into the fake drama she is creating, or will he remain in control of his emotions?
Will he revert back to his old patterns of behavior (e.g. get annoyed, angry, shout at her, throw a tantrum, sulk, walk away)?
Will he give up and decide that the relationship, or being a family unit again is not worth the effort?
Will he try to make her feel guilty, by suggesting that she is what is tearing the family apart, or keeping them apart?
Will he try to get emotional revenge by saying something nasty to her in return, or will he be the bigger person and come from a place of love?
Will he be able to turn her tantrum, insult or unreasonable behavior into something for both him and her to laugh about (i. e. by using humor, being playfully challenging, flirting with her)?

Depending on your reaction, the mother of your child will either stick to her decision to remain broken up, or feel drawn to you and the idea of being a family together once again.

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5 ways to get your ex back when you already have a child together

Olufunke and Doyin once had a beautiful relationship. They dated for seven years. Their relationship was the talk of the town. But soon, things soon went awry and a once happy relationship soon turned sour.

Though the relationship may have broken up, the bond of having a child together would loom large. Two years after both went their separate ways, Olufunke now wants her ex-boyfriend back. But she is now faced with a dilemma. How can she get her ex-back after having a child together?

Relationship or marriage breakups have been identified as one of the toughest things to do because everyone involved is affected in one way or another. However, have you ever stopped to consider how your children would be affected?

In trying to get an ex-lover back one has to be prepared to improve on oneself to keep each other happy in the long run.

Couple with their children

READ ALSO: Are you ready? Here's Biblical proof that world will end on September 23 - Christians claim

Legit.ng brings you 5 things to consider what people like Doyin and Olufunke can do when considering a come back after break up.when they already have a child together:

1. Amend your old ways:

This act is very important because if your partner broke up with you based on your bad attitude, you may never get them back except you change.

In this case the first thing you need to do is to identify your flaws and be ready to improve them one after another. This will make you not only to understand yourself better but also to know what your ex truly desire for.

2. Take care of his/her child:

A woman or man absolutely falls in love with anyone who is able to take care of their child because that is the easiest way to their heart. However, they must grant them the permission to spend quality time with their child in order not to become total strangers in the nearest future.

3. Prove you can make them happy:

Having a child with someone that you are hoping to get back with can be a huge advantage. You share something in common that is more precious than almost anything else in this world. If you truly want to get your ex-boyfriend back when you have a child together, you need to be patient and to be willing to prove your change over time.

4. Don’t push yourself on him/her:

Aside from being his baby mama for baby daddy, even in normal relationships especially for the ladies never force yourself on your partner. This will only make them to believe that you can’t do anything without them and they may end up taking you for granted.

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5. Be prayerful:

In everything one does, you need to be prayerful because this is the only key that can open all doors. Whatever you commit into hands of your creator never goes wrong. If you believe going back to your ex is best for you because a child is involved, be wise about it and seek God’s face first before making any decision.

Watch Legit.ng video below:

Source: Legit.ng

How to return the child to the mother if she had previously written a refusal?

A disabled girl was forced to write a letter of refusal from a child in the maternity hospital! Is it possible to return a child and how to do it?

April 27, 2017, 17:40 , Natalia, Novokuznetsk

Application for abandonment of the child

Ramil Magadiev

Lawyer, Kazan

Yes, of course.

Writing an application for child abandonment does not mean unconditional deprivation of her parental rights. Only a court can terminate parental rights.

If she abandoned the child in the maternity hospital, then in such a situation she retains her rights to the child for six months, this time is given to comprehend the committed act and, possibly, change the decision. After six months, the child may be assigned a guardian.
If she wrote a refusal of the child in the guardianship authorities, then she also has the opportunity to withdraw her application until the guardianship authorities initiate a civil case to deprive her of parental rights.

www.yurist-online.net/question/16932

April 27, 2017, 5:52 pm

When can natural parents pick up an adopted child?

I am raising an adopted daughter and now I am afraid that one day she too will be taken away. Does this really happen?

Tamara Skokova

Custody and guardianship specialist

Author's profile

In short: yes, the law allows for situations where this is possible. But in life, such cases are extremely rare.

For a foster family, biological parents are always a risk factor. A natural mother or father can be released from prison or recover from alcoholism and try to restore parental rights in order to return the child.

But this does not mean at all that the child will definitely be taken away from foster parents. The outcome of such disputes depends on the form of placement of the child in the family - guardianship, guardianship, foster family or adoption, - the opinion of the minor, as well as the behavior and lifestyle of the adoptive parents.

I will tell you in detail and with real life examples in which cases adoptive parents risk losing a child, and in which cases they have nothing to fear.

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Who is safer to take into a family - an orphan or a child left without parental care

The law divides minors who can get into a foster family into orphans and children left without parental care.

A child is recognized as an orphan, if his only or both biological parents have died. Often, foster mothers and fathers want to take just such a child into the family. They usually reason like this: "Since he is an orphan, he will be able to avoid communication with his blood relatives."

Part 1 Art. 1 of Law No. 159-FZ

But the fact is that even if a child’s biological parents died, close relatives could remain: brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts and uncles. They have priority right to pick up the child. If they don’t want or can’t, then they write a refusal. In this case, the guardianship authorities begin to look for foster parents for the minor.

Relatives cannot change their mind. They have already signed refusal documents - no one will give them a second chance. If they wish, they will have the opportunity to communicate with the child, but only if someone has taken the minor under guardianship, guardianship or in a foster family. But if a child is adopted, blood relatives will be forbidden to even approach him.

A child left without parental care has parents. But they cannot educate him for various reasons:

Parents have been deprived or restricted in their parental rights.
The court declared the parents absent, incompetent or declared dead.
Parents avoid raising children or do not protect their rights and interests.
Single parent or both unknown.
Parents are in custody due to a suspicion or charge of a crime, or are serving a sentence in prison.

/guide/lishenie-parent/

Why parental rights can be terminated

If a foster mother and father take a child left without care into the family, then, at first glance, it seems that they are at greater risk: the biological parents may be reinstated and demand the return of the child. But these are very rare cases: for 17 years of work in the guardianship and guardianship authorities, I have come across this only three times.

In fact, the question of security is not who to take - an orphan or a child left without parental care. And in what form of placing a child in a family to choose: guardianship, guardianship, foster family or adoption. I will talk about this further.

/usynovlenie/

How to adopt a child

Why sometimes blood parents still want to return the child

As I have already said, usually blood relatives do not remind of themselves in any way and even avoid communication with their children, who were taken by foster parents. But in very rare cases, a mother or father may suddenly appear in a child's life.

Sometimes this is dictated by the most sincere motives. I had such a case. The mother of six children took to drink, and the guardianship authorities, together with the prevention authorities, took the children to an orphanage. For six months, nothing has changed, and the woman was deprived of parental rights. Only then did the mother finally understand what was happening and reacted as it should: she stopped drinking, got a job, changed her housing to a more comfortable one. Thanks to this, within another six months, her parental rights were restored - and she returned the children.

Unfortunately, such cases are very rare. Another category of blood parents is much more common. They are deprived of parental rights because of an asocial lifestyle: they do not work, they drink, they treat children cruelly. They live on child benefits, rely on maternity capital, enjoy benefits for large families and do not want to lose this money and privileges.

/guide/troubled-family/

Which families are considered dysfunctional

My experience is that if a natural mother or father has not regained parental rights within six months, without good reason, then in the future it will be exclusively mercenary motives.

For example, I came across this situation. The woman was deprived of parental rights. The foster family took custody of her 12-year-old daughter. The woman regularly called the girl - the guardians were not opposed - she promised to restore her rights and take her away.

Later it turned out that the mother, under various pretexts, asked her daughter to lure money from her guardians and give it to her. If the amounts were small, then she insisted that the girl steal valuable things and equipment from the house and give it to her while the foster parents were not at home. All this under the pretext that she needs money to restore her parental rights.

As a result, the guardians refused custody - they referred to the complete lack of understanding between them and the child. The girl returned to the orphanage. Her own mother never took her away.

When adoptive parents have nothing to fear

If they have adopted a child. Only adoption makes it possible to protect the interests of both the child and the adoptive parents as effectively as possible. Adoptive parents completely replace the child's parents: their rights become identical to the rights of blood parents.

And if one day the natural mother or father goes to court to restore their rights and return the adopted child, they will be denied.

Section 4, Art. 72 SK RF

Adopted children are under serious protection: from the moment of a court decision, under the threat of criminal liability, no one has the right to say where and by whom the child was adopted. The secret of adoption was written in detail in another article in Tinkoff Magazine.

If a child older than ten says that he does not want to return to his family. In cases where the interests of a ten-year-old child are affected, the court or guardianship and guardianship authorities cannot make a decision that contradicts his opinion.

Art. 12 of the Convention on the Rights of the Child

So, without the consent of a child who has reached the age of ten, it is impossible:

Restore the birth parents in parental rights.
Adopt a child.
Change his last name, first name and patronymic.
Place a child under guardianship and guardianship.

Art. 57 SK RF

However, you need to understand: the child does not take the side of the adoptive parents just like that. The basis of this choice is warm, trusting, friendly relations between the minor and his new family.

I'll tell you right away about younger children. If the child is not yet ten years old, the court may take into account the opinion of the minor and, for example, refuse to restore parental rights to the mother if this is contrary to the interests of the child.

Section 4, Art. 72 SK RF

However, sometimes the court may ignore the opinion of a child under ten years of age. For example, he may love his own mother very much and wish to return to her. But if she does not work, drinks, begs and does not have a permanent home, then the court will leave the child in an orphanage or with guardians / trustees, because she believes that this will be better for the child.

In what cases are foster parents at risk of losing a child?

Usually, the child's relatives: grandparents, aunts, uncles, provide guardianship or guardianship. Therefore, as a rule, there are no problems with the return of the child to the family: he is already in the family.

If strangers to the child become guardians and trustees, then they usually do this with the goal of adopting a minor in six months - then there will be nothing to be afraid of.

The fact is that the law allows the adoption of a child whose parents were deprived of parental rights, not immediately, but only six months after the court decision was made to deprive the natural parents of parental rights. Most likely, this is how legislators tried to give unlucky parents a chance to have time to fix everything.

para. 6 art. 71 SK RF

This is an exciting time for guardians or trustees: blood relatives can really show up and try to pick up the child. This risk will persist until the child is 18 years of age unless the guardians or trustees in principle plan to adopt the child.

In addition to such forms of arrangement as guardianship, guardianship and adoption, there is also a foster family. Usually this is a large family, which can have up to eight children. Parents receive remuneration for their work and allowance for children.

/guide/big-family-bonuses/

What state awards can a large family receive

There are also risks from blood relatives, but adoptive parents have their own motives. Often they believe that this form of placement is in the interests of children, since upon reaching the age of majority, each child will receive housing from the state.

If the adoptive parents do not perform their duties well. In the family of adoptive parents, as in any other, trouble can happen. And the mother or father, who initially performed their parental duties well, will stop caring for children. In such a case, the adoption may be cancelled.

This is possible if the child's blood relatives, guardianship and guardianship authorities or the prosecutor prove that the adoptive parents:

Avoid their duties, for example, do not provide housing, food, do not create safe conditions for life.
Abuse parental rights, for example, induce children to beg, vagrancy, prostitution.
A child is being abused.
Abuse alcohol or take drugs.

What if the biological parents of a child are unknown

Sometimes the birth mother or father is not known. This happens, for example, when a screaming newborn is found in a box on the street. Or when a woman who has just given birth runs away from the hospital without leaving any information about herself.

In such cases, the birth of a child is registered by the health or guardianship authorities. On their instructions, information about the child's last name, first name and patronymic is entered in the birth certificate record - that is, doctors or guardianship employees decide what to name the baby. In the birth certificate in the column "Parents" there will be a dash.

Art. 19.1 of the Law "On acts of civil status"

As a rule, children with a dash in the certificate are adopted very quickly. I came across candidates who flew over 5,000 kilometers in a matter of days, adopted a baby and immediately flew away with him. Even if the birth parents come to their senses and return after a short time, there will be no chance of returning the child: in such situations, adoptive parents often change the date and place of the child’s birth, so it will no longer be possible to find him.

But if adoptive parents choose another form of arrangement - guardianship, guardianship or foster family, then the risks will still remain.

Doctors of maternity hospitals fill out such an act every time when unknown mothers run away and leave newborn babies

Biological parents take a child from a foster family: as it happens

The procedure for transferring a child from an orphanage to a foster family is clearly standardized: collecting documents, issuing an order, transferring a minor adoptive parents. But the reverse process - when a child is removed from a foster family and returned to his own - is not regulated by law. This makes it difficult for both parties.

It is difficult for biological parents to prove to guardianship that they can raise a child. There are no clear requirements for what documents a mother or father must bring to the guardianship authorities, except for an application for the child to be returned to them. Usually, child care officers simply go to the place where the biological parent lives and assess whether the housing is suitable for the child. That's all.

For guardians, trustees and adoptive parents, this is also an incomprehensible situation. They are the official legal representatives of the child, responsible for him. And if the law is not on their side, then they want to at least understand:

where they return a daughter or son they love;
how safe the child will be there;
will it not turn out that today the child returns to his relatives, and tomorrow they will again become unnecessary.

/prava/opecunam/

What rights do guardians have

Unfortunately, the procedure for transferring a child from one family to another is not regulated step by step in any document. The only clarification on this score is in the law on enforcement proceedings. It says that if bailiffs take a child from one family in order to transfer it to another, then a representative of the guardianship authority must be with them, and if necessary, a psychologist. But usually this does not play a special role, because the child has already become close to the adoptive parents and the separation will definitely be painful.

Foster families very rarely assist and help return the child to the birth parents. So, the case that happened in Samara five years ago, when foster parents helped a blood mother who returned from prison and took her daughter, is rather an exception to the rule.

Often this is a psychological trauma for foster parents and especially for children. In order to somehow level it, it is advisable to gradually prepare the child for the transition to the previous family. Perhaps, thanks to regular conversations and meetings with blood parents, he will endure these changes a little more calmly.

/opeka/

How to take a child into custody

Tips for foster parents

If you want to protect yourself from any intersection with the child's blood relatives, then the only possible and safe option is to adopt him. If someday the biological parents try to return a child who has already been adopted, then they will not succeed.

Build a warm and trusting relationship with your adopted child. If someday blood relatives suddenly appear, and a child under ten years old is under guardianship, guardianship or in a foster family, then the court may take into account the opinion of the minor about who and why he wants to stay. And if the child is already ten, his opinion will be decisive.