How to deal with child sexual abuse

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RAINN is the nation's largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country.

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, help is available.

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- Telephone hotline: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
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- Telephone hotline: 855.897. 5910
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- Telephone hotline: 877.995.5247

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- Telephone hotline: 800. THE.LOST (843-5678)

Additional Resources

End Violence Against Women International
Equality Now
Futures Without Violence
Girls For Gender Equity
Global Fund for Women
Global Network of Women’s Shelters
Human Rights Watch
Local Sexual Assault Service Providers
National Alliance to End Sexual Violence
National Domestic Workers Alliance
National Network to End Domestic Violence
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
National Organization for Victim Assistance
National Women’s Law Center
NYC Alliance Against Sexual Assault
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Sexual assault can take many different forms and be defined in different ways, but one thing remains the same: it’s never the victim’s fault.

When a perpetrator intentionally harms a minor physically, psychologically, sexually, or by acts of neglect, the crime is known as child abuse.

Men and boys who have been sexually assaulted or abused may also face some additional challenges because of social attitudes and stereotypes about men and masculinity.

A perpetrator can have any relationship to a victim, and that includes the role of an intimate partner.

Regardless of how the law defines incest, unwanted sexual contact from a family member can have a lasting effect on the survivor.

In cases of drug-facilitated sexual assault, survivors often blame themselves. Remember—you are not to blame. You are the only one allowed to make choices for your body. Using drugs or alcohol is never an excuse for assault and does not mean that it was your fault.

Sexual Harassment - You should be able to feel comfortable in your place of work or learning. If you are being sexually harassed, you can report it to the authorities at your job, school, or local law enforcement.
Stalking - Learn more about stalking behaviors to help you notice them before they escalate—and take steps to protect yourself.
Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Many perpetrators of sexual abuse are in a position of trust or responsible for the child’s care, such as a family member, teacher, clergy member, coach, or other children such as older siblings.
Using Technology to Hurt Others - Some people use technology, such as digital photos, videos, apps, and social media, to engage in harassing, unsolicited, or non-consensual sexual interactions.
Sexual Abuse by Medical Professionals - When you go to the doctor, dentist, hospital or physical therapist, or see other medical professionals, you trust them to treat you with respect as they care for your health.
Sexual Exploitation by Helping Professionals - Sexual exploitation by a helping professional is a serious violation of your trust and, in many cases, the law.

Multiple-Perpetrator Sexual Assault - Multiple-perpetrator sexual assault, sometimes called gang rape, occurs when two or more perpetrators act together to sexually assault the same victim.
Elder Abuse - As the number of older adults in America increases, it will become all the more important to be aware of the warning signs of elder abuse.
Sexual Abuse of People with Disabilities - Consent is crucial when any person engages in sexual activity, but it plays an even bigger, and more complicated role when someone has a disability.
Prisoner Rape - If you’re an inmate, a former inmate, or know an inmate who survived sexual assault while in prison, there are resources available to you.
Military Sexual Trauma - Military Sexual Trauma, or MST, is the term used by the Department of Veteran Affairs to describe the effects of sexual violence experienced by a military Service member.
Legal Role of Consent - The legal definitions for terms like rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse vary from state to state. Consent often plays an important role in determining whether an act is legally considered a crime.

RAINN has given me the courage and strength to stand up for what is right. Julianna, survivor

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Sexual abuse of children: how to protect the child?

Child sexual abuse has made headlines for many years. To the great horror of the whole world, the number of such crimes does not decrease, despite all the actions of law enforcement agencies. Together with Alexandra Chernysheva, a psychologist at the Architecture of the Future Center, we discussed this topic and tried to find an answer to the most important question: “How to protect a child?”

— How often do people come to your center about child sexual abuse? nine0010

- Not often, because we are not a crisis center. Usually, with such situations, they go to the commission for examination, PPMS centers and crisis centers

— Who is statistically more likely to commit sexual crimes against children: acquaintances or strangers?

- Unfortunately, acquaintances. This is the main difficulty of this problem: it is easier to protect a child from strangers...

— Who most often commits crimes against children? nine0010

— Family friends, relatives, neighbors, acquaintances of the child and parents. Those who do not fall into the category "I do not know you, I will not approach you." Parents usually explain to the child that it is impossible to approach “strangers”. Experiments and studies show that children sometimes break this rule, but most still learn. Naturally, this does not work with “their own”, since the child trusts familiar people to a greater extent.

There is a book and a film aimed specifically at a teenage audience - The Lovely Bones. The plot begins with the story of the rape and murder of a girl by a neighbor. He invites her to inspect the house, which he made in the field. Since she knows him, she is uncomfortable with refusing. This movie is great for parents and teens to watch. nine0003

— Are people who commit such crimes against children mentally ill? And why do people become pedophiles?

— Of course, pedophilia is not the norm. But it is very important to convey to children and parents that pedophiles do not look like crazy. Most of them will not look marginal. Otherwise, it would be much easier to identify criminals and protect children from them. It is difficult to imagine a child who would react calmly if a marginal or unhealthy person tried to approach him. nine0003
Pedophilia is the result of mental disorders. There can be many reasons: childhood experiences of sexual abuse, traumatic situations, psychiatric diagnoses.

— Are there any indirect signs by which such a person can be identified?

- Usually quite difficult because they are trying to look normal. In general, we can name the following: active interest in children, attempts to seat the child on his knees, spend too much time alone with him. nine0003
Sometimes, especially in relation to close and familiar people, we ourselves ignore the alarm signals that bother us - we consider that this is a familiar, close, dear person. I'm not advocating to immediately yell "pedophile" at anyone who takes your child by the hand, but if you have any doubts, take a closer look.

Think about why and what confuses you. Probably the most correct definition of such a feeling: "somehow anxious, something is wrong." If you do not like how an adult interacts with your child, set boundaries and reduce the intensity of communication. nine0003
- Is the environment of the criminal often aware of his actions, or can they not guess?

- Rather, he does not guess. I have a bad idea of an adequate person who will indulge the actions of a pedophile. On the other hand, once again, we ourselves suppress many things that we do not want to notice in relation to our loved ones. If you read the stories of parents of real victims of sexual violence, you often hear the thought: “Well, this is a person close to me, I didn’t want to think badly about him.” nine0003

Where do babies come from or how to talk to a child about sex?

— At what age and how to talk to a child about sexual abuse?

- In my personal practice, there were several requests when parents really wanted us to work with the child on this topic. But the children were still such “dandelions” that the very topic would have frightened them.

It is necessary to start discussing not the topic of violence itself, but questions of the body from the age of three or four. Always start simple. Talk not about sexual violence, but about respect for your own body. Explain to the child that the other person has no right to touch him, that everyone has sovereignty over the body and touch. nine0003
If we give the child an idea of boundaries, this greatly simplifies the task. Tell your child: “Without your permission, the other person has no right to do anything,” “If someone crosses the line, makes you uncomfortable, you should immediately tell a parent or other adult about this.”

Do not immediately operate with the concepts: "pedophile", "rapist", "maniac". Otherwise, there is a high chance that the child will begin to manipulate someone. Situations are quite common when a child, having heard a word, “brings” it home without understanding the meaning. Do not set your child on the fact that the world is a dangerous and cruel place, it is better to teach them to build boundaries and respect their body. nine0003
— Are there behaviors or upbringings that increase the likelihood of being a victim of sexual violence?

— Yes, absolutely. Victims are more often children with underprotection - those who are not taken care of enough, pay little attention, do not provide emotional support. Children who are ignored. Children who have lost trust in relation to parents and adults. The risk group also includes kids who have experienced abuse, domestic violence, and beatings. They are used to the fact that they do something with their body all the time, it does not belong to them. Of course, a single slap on the buttock is unlikely to fall into this category, but systematic harsh punishment increases the child's chances of becoming a victim of abuse. nine0003

— What rules of behavior with acquaintances and strangers should be explained to the child?

— With strangers, everything is simple: no contacts and remember the phrase: “I don’t know you, I won’t go anywhere with you. ” It is important to say that this is a single line of conduct with all strangers. It never changes - whether the child is offered to pull the kitten out from under the car, eat a delicious candy or walk the old woman home.

The second rule: if suddenly a child starts to be touched, grabbed, dragged somewhere, then one should shout loudly, yell, kick and bite. Do not be afraid and do not be shy - it is better to get into an awkward situation several times than to become a victim of violence once. nine0003
With familiar people, the child must remember the sovereignty of his own body. No one, including close relatives, should be allowed to do unpleasant things, let go of their hands, touch, undress, take pictures.

Talk to your child that he can and should talk about the slightest suspicions and unpleasant situations with other people - you will always listen to him and understand. It is important that the child does not hesitate to tell you about his vague feelings and thoughts.

Why are children usually afraid to talk about such things?

— I didn’t really understand what happened, I didn’t really understand what happened, I was embarrassed. In the life of almost every child, unfortunately, there was one or another experience of harassment. Some people don't think to say. Someone does not speak, because nothing terrible happened in the end.

In addition, the more taboo the topic of sex is in the family, the more likely it is that the child will not tell about harassment. This situation and, perhaps, he himself will seem dirty, indecent. nine0003

Age-related crises in a child: how not to go crazy for a parent?

- If some suspicions crept in about people you know, what should parents do?

- First you need to check your suspicions. You should not blame the person right away, even if the child came and told you. Ask what exactly happened, how the child understood the situation, how other people perceived it, if they were present.

Calmly, carefully clarify all aspects with the child, of course, without criticism and doubts about him. Ask open-ended questions (“Who?”, “What?”, “Where?”, “What?”, “When?”) so that the child has the opportunity to describe his impressions, rather than confirm your version. Questions that can only be answered with “yes” or “no” are best avoided. This will allow you to get the most information. If suspicions are confirmed, it is necessary to begin to act. nine0003
— If a child is a victim of sexual abuse, what should I do?

— The first is to apply to law enforcement agencies, the second is to look for a competent psychologist, and maybe immediately a psychotherapist. And, of course, to support the child so that there is no thought, no word, no action, no idea “you yourself are to blame.”

Parents would also be well advised to consult a psychologist, because this traumatic situation for the whole family, and everyone experiences feelings of guilt, fear, hatred, anger. nine0003

— Should parents talk about this with their child, or is it better not to bring this topic up?

- This depends on the situation. It is impossible to completely ignore and live the way they used to live, because the child is looking for confirmation from his parents that he is still loved, that he is still appreciated, that he is still protected. The child most often experiences a huge sense of guilt and fear that this may happen again. It is very difficult for one to cope with this situation.

If the parent himself is ready to talk about it, then you need to worry and cry with the child. The detached and cold behavior of the parents in this case, as it were, says: "You yourself are to blame." nine0003
- A few words of farewell.

— I would like to contact my parents. Try to create a trusting atmosphere in the family and tell the child that in any case he can turn and tell you about everything. It is important to remind the rules of behavior with strangers and unfamiliar people, to discuss the correct attitude towards one's own body.

Most cases of non-sexual violence, but sexual harassment, pass by parents because the child misunderstood, did not realize, did not attach importance, or was scared, ashamed, unpleasant. Try to minimize the likelihood of such emotions and prohibitions - talk with your child and build a trusting relationship on an equal footing. nine0003
I would also like to ask you not to exacerbate the problem by immediately imposing the topic of sexual abuse on the child. When we scare children, this also does not lead to anything good. It is not necessary to instill in a child the image of a cruel and harsh world in which he is only a victim of someone else's arbitrariness. The ability to respect and positively relate to one’s own body, to set boundaries, brings up the very confidence that helps to say “no” in time or run away. Unfortunately, this does not insure against cases when a child was guarded in the evening in the gateway, but practically nothing saves from such cases. In all other situations, confidence can save life and health. nine0003
Curriculum Vitae:
Alexandra Chernysheva
Alexandra Chernysheva – psychologist-consultant, graduated from the Department of Crisis and Extreme Situations, Faculty of Psychology, St. Petersburg State University.

Since 2007 Alexandra has been conducting individual and group consultations and trainings with children and teenagers, and also coordinates the work of the Architecture of the Future camp. Her scientific and practical interests include the following topics:

Self-confidence,

"Intellectual success",

"Effectiveness in communication".

You can book a free ticket to the camp "Architecture of the Future", where Alexandra works:

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Posted by 07/07/2021 07. 07.2021 Author Elena RyzhenkovaHeadings Psychology and Health
Anyone can fight sexual abuse of children

According to Brit Tammiste, adviser on criminal policy at the Ministry of Justice, when you see a child who needs help, anyone can help him. “Sexual abuse is very hidden, in the course of a lifetime it affects almost one in three children. Unfortunately, not every child in need of help receives the support they need, although there are more and more opportunities for professional assistance in Estonia. Children will receive the necessary assistance only if they are reported to specialists working for the benefit of children,” Brit Tammiste said. nine0003
If child sexual abuse is suspected, report it immediately. Such an experience negatively affects the mental and physical health of the child - some of these effects may appear immediately, and some - in the future. Therefore, it is very important that an abused child gets help as soon as possible. Report a child who needs help or is in danger to the local government, child helpline 116 111 or emergency number 112 .

Children's Homes of the Social Insurance Board offer professional assistance to children who are suspected of being sexually abused. Children's home service for the child is safe, friendly and confidential. The purpose of the children's home is to help children who have been sexually abused so that the actions of the criminal case are perceived favorably by the child and do not cause additional trauma to already traumatized children. nine0003
Anne Frank, head of the Children's Home Service of the Social Insurance Board, said that if a significant change in a child's behavior is noticed, parents should take it as a warning. “In most cases, there is a specific reason for this - whether it is sexual abuse, bullying at school, or something else. We urge you to contact the children's home at the slightest suspicion of sexual abuse of a child. Better safe than sorry!” Anne Frank said. “When a child shares what happened to him, we should not remain indifferent. It is the duty of each of us to do everything to ensure that the injured child is provided with good and safe care. It is necessary to make it clear to the child that what happened to him is unacceptable and that he is in no way to blame for what happened, ”she emphasized. nine0003
There are four children's homes in Estonia - in the north, south, east and west. Last year, children's homes were contacted 534 times. As of the end of October this year, there were more than 500 appeals to children's homes.

Reimo Raivet, Head of the Põhja Prefecture Child Protection and Sexual Offenses Unit, thanks all the people who reported about children in need of help. “In too many cases, the police find out about a child in need of help from attentive citizens who, despite doubts, reported to the police or other institutions. Thanks to these people, the children quickly received professional help. And most importantly, an end was put to the monstrous sexual abuse of children that took place on the Internet or in real life, ”added Reimo Raivet. nine0003

Year Number of cases from January to October

2022 452

2021 497

2020 378

Table: Contact and non-contact crimes related to sexual violence against a minor victim registered in the first ten months of the corresponding year

The police and other law enforcement agencies base their work on the principle of a benevolent attitude towards children. This helps the child or young person feel that they are being treated with respect for their situation, age and needs. The environment in which the child is placed, for example during an interrogation or hearing, should also be child-friendly. Once the abused child is reported to the police or the children's home, the various agencies coordinate their cooperation to ensure the well-being of the child. nine0003
What to say to the child, how to help him?

If you see a child in trouble, encourage them to talk about what happened in their own words.

Listen carefully to the child. Let them know that you appreciate the story.

Tell the child that he is not to blame for what happened.

Believe the child. Often a child's abuser can be someone they know, a family member, neighbor or friend. A child may not always realize that he has become a victim of harassment or bullying. nine0154

Where can I go if my child needs help?

Children, parents and citizens who need advice about children can call the child help line 116 111.
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