Thus, in Russia, leaving a child without help is unacceptable until they reach the age of 14. It is also a violation of the law for a child under the age of 18 to be alone on the street and in public places without being accompanied by responsible adults from 22:00 to 06:00. If the child is staying somewhere away, then the parents are obliged to come for him. By the way, a lot of people just don't know this. If you left a child under the age of 14 alone at home - and nothing happened, then this is one situation, but if something does happen, then you bear criminal responsibility for this, among other things. But now we will discuss with you not the legislative framework, but why you should not do this, and also try to understand when you feel the need for this and what can be done to avoid such situations.

- I am literally chained to the child, I need to dress and collect it in order to go outside, to get to the pharmacy. This is not always convenient. It's easier to leave him at home and run out quickly.

— I agree. There are situations when it is difficult to go out alone with children, especially when you have more than one child, but several, or if the children are sick. Do you have a husband, neighbors, girlfriends, familiar mothers from the playground, relatives?

- Yes, but it's not always convenient to ask for them.

— I understand that it is difficult for mothers to cope without the support of another person. But this is a matter of your child's safety. And your responsibility. Do you know the phone numbers of all your friends in order to help each other out? Now in big cities there are many delivery services that can help in critical situations.

- No, I don't know the phone numbers. By the way, it's a good idea, you can create a general chat to help each other. But what's so terrible about running out for a minute if the child stays on his own and doesn't act weird?

- One day I stopped near a sobbing woman who had fallen and broken her leg after slipping on the ice. She called an ambulance and asked: "Is there someone at home?" She began to sob even harder, “Yes. Three year old child. One!" Mom decided to "shop around the shops while he sleeps." Where is the husband? Business trip. Does anyone have the keys? Yes, at my mother-in-law not far from Moscow. Did you call her? Not yet. Why? The mother-in-law will yell at me. I asked my mother-in-law to call immediately. The ambulance took the woman away on a stretcher - a double open fracture. They said that she would definitely spend a few days in the hospital. This is the situation of leaving the child in danger. I can understand that this woman was tired of sitting at home, she really wanted to go out for a while, she was used to doing everything herself, not asking anyone for help. She didn't expect anything terrible, of course. I will not tell other scary stories, believe me, I have accumulated a lot of them over the years of work, and resuscitators and traumatologists have a lot more.

We find it hard to believe that something could happen unexpectedly - to us, to the electrical wiring, to the gas stove. But this, unfortunately, happens, and often. Even if you have the most independent and responsible child in the world, he is not always able to cope with what is happening. When you leave home, even "for a moment", children may imagine that you are leaving forever! Any child knows that the safest place in the world is next to his mother, and tries, if possible, to stick to it. If a child does not let his mother out of his sight - this is the most striking indicator that he is not sure of his own safety, does not know how he can cope in different situations alone, without a mother. Our task is not to convince him in words - no one will believe you, but to teach him to act. The main thing in this matter is gradualness. Let's discuss how to teach your child to be independent so that later you can leave him at home safely so that he can cope with his life in the future. Our task is not to lead by the hand until old age, but to teach how to live and survive.

1. Let your child play alone. First next to you, then in another room. So he will gradually be convinced that he may be alone for some time, but you are always somewhere nearby.

2. Allow your child as much independent self-care activities as possible. Dress yourself, undress, pour water into a glass, use a fork and knife, cut a salad.

3. Show where the food is, where the child can get it from. Try not to hide tasty treats in distant cabinets. Often children are looking for something to eat and climb into places where it is not safe.

4. Show how to use household appliances correctly. Turn on and off the kettle, stove, washing machine.

5. Teach them not to open the door to strangers, use the phone, know the numbers of parents, relatives, rescue services. Let all numbers be written down on paper and lie in a conspicuous place, and not just in the phone's memory. Just in case, say what you need to report by phone to the rescue service: full name, address, situation.

6. Consider a safe window closing system from the moment your child starts moving around the apartment, that is, by the end of the first year of life. Mosquito nets often deceive children by giving them the false impression that they can be leaned on.

7. A child should be able not only not to open the door to strangers, but also to quickly get out of the apartment if the source of danger is inside.

As soon as your child learns to be in an apartment on his own, that is, not to sit for an hour with a tablet, but consciously begins to understand how to cope with different situations inside the house, then the age of leaving him alone for a while will come. Some children can be left for a while already at 7-8 years old, others at 14-15 too early. In European countries, children from the age of 16 are allowed to be at home alone. In the US, everything changes from state to state, but today there is a ban on being at home alone if a teenager is under 15 years old. In some states, the age has been increased to 16-17 years. In Nevada, children under the age of 21 are not only allowed to be unsupervised at home, but also not to go outside after 21:00. In Japan, boys from 12 years old, and girls from 11 years old can stay at home without adults, and in India - from 8-10 years old. At the same time, marriages in this country are concluded at the age of 12-13 years.

The main thing is that the responsibility for children and testing their ability to stay at home alone lies with the parents. We are all afraid of external danger, we live behind iron doors, which, if something happens, cannot even be quickly opened. Children are locked up, often out of a false idea of ​​caring, out of fear, a desire to avoid trouble, to be good parents: let them sleep in the car - don’t wake them up, let them stay at home - don’t carry them with you, there are infections. Sometimes you just want to come to your senses, recharge with impressions, save yourself from parental burnout. Many parents themselves grew up with an abandoned complex - they were regularly left alone with a key around their neck, and they just as easily leave their children alone, not only not seeing anything special in it, but even with a share of pride: mine can already sit by themselves. It’s great if nothing terrible happens, but it’s almost impossible to forgive yourself if something happens to a child in the absence of adults. Left in apartments, cars, children turn out to be a terrible sacrifice to our fears and false ideas about safety. Take care of yourself and children.

See also:

How to teach your child to fall asleep on their own

In our own words: developing coherent speech in a child

5 tasks for concentration of attention that children can easily cope with

Photo: Zurijeta Boystock .com

psychologyhelpful tipshouse

At what age can a child be left alone for several days?

Some parents, even at the age of 16, do not dare to leave their children unattended for the night, others are ready to give them more independence. But there are still criteria by which you can determine whether a child is ready to spend the night alone or not. Psychologist Olena Savchuk and Otkrytka Human Rights Coordinator Aleksey Pryanishnikov spoke about them in more detail.

Question. Son is 10 years old. My husband and I are going to go to the country house with friends on the weekend, we don’t want to take the child with us (an unfamiliar adult company, everyone will drink and not sleep until morning). How to understand that he can already be left alone at home for the night?

Answer.

Elena Savchuk, psychologist

The ability to leave a child alone, without adult supervision, does not depend on his age, but on independence and the skills that he managed to master. This must be taken care of in advance.

In order for the child to become independent faster, give him more freedom, do not call "to everything ready", offer to participate in adult activities more often: for example, sometimes cook breakfast for you or help around the house. Let him do everything himself and in your presence when you take a bath, read and are busy with work. Watch how the child copes, what he does with himself.

At the next stage, you can try to leave the house for a while, for example, to the store, leaving the child all alone. If he does not have expressed fears (for example, darkness), he can take care of himself (heat food, wash, go to bed on his own), knows what is possible and impossible (open doors to strangers, throw objects from the window), knows how to use the phone and remembers memorize a few important numbers, you can try to leave it for longer.

Aleksey Pryanishnikov, coordinator of the Human Rights Protection of the Postcard

Laws in the Russian Federation do not establish the age at which it is possible to leave a child alone. At the same time, the Family Code, in Article 54, establishes that a person who has not reached eighteen years of age is recognized as a child.

The same article of the Family Code defines the right of a child to be brought up by his parents, ensure his interests, all-round development, and respect for his human dignity.

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