How adoption affects a child

American Adoptions - The Possible Long-Term Effects of Adoption on Adoptees

How does adoption affect children?

As easy as it would be, there’s no single answer to this question.

Here at American Adoptions, we know every adoption journey is different. And, as a private infant adoption agency in the U.S., we are only experienced in one branch of this family-building option. However, we’re here to help those interested in adoption learn more — and that includes information on the effects of being adopted.

Below, you can learn more about how being adopted affects a person, based on research and studies conducted in the past few decades.

If you’re interested in this topic, we’d also encourage you to read stories from adoptees, but keep in mind: Every adoptee’s experience is different, and no single adoptee can speak for all those adopted. It’s a complicated journey, and perhaps no one is more entitled to complicated feelings than the one person who had no say in the decision.

A note: American Adoptions would never assume to speak for adoptees. While the information below is research-based, it is not an extensive description of the impact of adoption on individuals.

What are the Potential Long-Term Effects of Adoption?

It’s naïve to say that there are no effects of adoption on children. In fact, placement itself greatly impacts a child — for better or for worse, they will be raised by non-biological parents, with all the nuances that entails.

The short-term adoption effects on a child can be wide-ranging, due to the varying experiences that children have when they are placed with adoptive parents. There’s a great difference between a child adopted as an infant and a child adopted out of foster care during their teenage years.

So, what about later on in that adoptee’s life? What are the effects of adoption on adults who were adopted?

Before we get into the potential long-term effects of being adopted, you must remember that no two adoptees are the same. Some people will identify strongly with the effects listed below, while others will have no frame of reference. And that’s okay — your adoption journey is unique, and no matter what you feel, it’s valid.

Something interesting: One study from 1998 of twins raised separately — one by biological parents, one by non-biological parents — revealed there were few significant effects of adoption on the adult adjustment of the adoptees. Instead, the study suggested that the adoption effects on a child are more related to the child’s socioeconomic status (more on that below) than the placement with non-biological parents.

All that said, here are just a few of the observed effects of adoption on children in the past few decades.

Emotional or Mental Trauma

There is often a great difference in how adoptees process their adoption trauma based on their age at placement. For example, those who are adopted later in life (through international adoption or foster care) can often remember traumatic or neglectful events in great detail, while those adopted at infancy cannot in the same vivid manner.

But the fact is that all adopted children grieve the loss of their biological family, their heritage and their culture to some extent.

As an adoptee learns to accept and move forward from their personal history, they may experience a few psychological effects of adoption on children, like:

Identity issues (not knowing where they “fit in”)
Difficulty forming emotional attachments
Struggles with low self-esteem

However, with proper coping mechanisms and support, adoptees often demonstrate resilience in overcoming early adversities. In fact, one study from 2007 indicated no substantial difference in self-esteem between adoptees and non-adopted individuals.

If you are struggling with emotional trauma regarding your adoption, please call the National Alliance on Mental Illness’s Hotline at 1-800-950-NAMI(6264).

Lack of Information in Closed Adoptions

Of all the negative effects of adoption on children, lack of information from a closed adoption is one thing most experts agree upon.

Multiple studies have demonstrated the benefits of open adoption for all members of the triad. Adoptees, however, can receive the most advantages. Research shows that adolescents who have ongoing contact with their birth parents are more satisfied with their adoption than those without contact. It’s no wonder that more than 95 percent of adoptions are completed with the agreement to post-placement contact, whether it is direct or mediated by an adoption professional.

However, when a child is placed into a closed adoption, they are cut off from their biological and personal history. It’s hard to build an identity without knowing where you come from, which is why closed adoption commonly causes dire effects of adoption on a child.

Fortunately, this can easily be avoided with open adoption. And it’s why American Adoptions requires all adoptive parents to be open to a certain degree of contact (with the final amount determined by the expectant mother who picks them).

Socioeconomic Status and School Performance

In a way, adoption is a self-fulling prophecy. Adoptive parents must meet certain requirements to adopt, which means they are often more financially secure and practically prepared to raise a child than others. In turn, children of adoptive parents often experience a childhood with significant advantages.

A 2007 study of adoptees by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services found that:

Adopted children were more likely to have health insurance and less likely to live in households below the poverty line.
85% of adopted children were in “very good to excellent health.”
68% of adoptees were read to every day as a child (in comparison to 48% of non-adopted children).
73% of adopted children were sung to and told stories every day (compared to 59% of non-adopted children).
Adopted children were more likely to participate in extracurricular activities.
More than half of the studied adoptees were reported to have “very good or excellent” performance in reading, language arts and math.

In addition, adoptive parents have been found to be significantly more involved in their child’s education and extracurricular activities than any other parents.

A more recent study from 2015 indicates that adopted children are more likely to have a diagnosed disability (physical or mental) and more likely to have behavior or learning problems in class. However, researchers point out that adoptive parents are more likely to seek diagnosis and care for their children than biological parents — which could mean the numbers are artificially high in comparison to non-adopted children.

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When it comes to positive and negative effects of adoption on children, it’s tempting to want to talk about the topic broadly. But, adoption is neither black nor white; it’s a complicated journey full of challenges and rewards. Rather than paint the whole of adoption as “good” or “bad” for adoptees, it’s more reasonable to approach it with a nuanced view.

Our adoption specialists work hard to educate prospective adoptive parents and birth parents about the impact of adoption — not just for themselves but, more importantly, for the child at the center of the process. We provide support and counseling to reduce the likelihood of negative long-term effects of adoption, and we are always here to talk with adoptees whose parents worked through American Adoptions.

We know adoption can be hard. But we’re here to make it a little bit easier for everyone involved. You can request free information online to learn more about our agency’s mission.

Disclaimer
Information available through these links is the sole property of the companies and organizations listed therein. America Adoptions, Inc. provides this information as a courtesy and is in no way responsible for its content or accuracy.

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Effects of Adoption on Child Development - Child Abuse Prevention, Treatment & Welfare Services

Blog

11/17/2021

Are you interested in starting the adoption process? Adoption is an incredible way to help a child in need and welcome them into a loving family. Although adopting children is widely acknowledged and honored, it can also be a complex transition for both the families and the adoptive children. With that in mind, identifying these complexities beforehand can help you navigate this road as an adoptive parent, simultaneously making the process easier on your child. Read on to learn more about the effects of adoption on child development and how to ease the transition as a family.

Recognizing Their Family System

One of the most monumental moments for adopted children is understanding their adoptive families’ dynamic. Adopted children may feel different from new siblings or peers who are still with their birth families. When a young child discovers that they are adopted,heavy emotions may arise. For example, some children will become naturally curious about their biological parents, or even temporarily push away from their current family system as they process the information.

When Grief and Loss Arise

When children recognize themselves as an adoptee, there can be a significant amount of grief and loss that arises. Although the child has finally found a loving home, there are still significant hurdles to overcome when it comes to grief and loss. The following seven complexities are the most common experiences among adopted children:

Loss
Rejection
Shame and guilt
Grief
Identity
Intimacy
Mastery and control

Each stage holds its own difficulties, however, with the right support and parenting tools, you and your child can learn to navigate this process together as a family.

Adoptee Potential Identity Crises

Oftentimes, adoptee children face what is known as an identity crisis, or even multiple identity crises. What this means is that the individual will doubt and challenge their sense of self and belonging in the world around them. Naturally, adoptees may feel a temporary lack of belonging in the home as well as feeling disregarded by their biological parents. This leaves children with a strong urge to find their true identity during childhood, ultimately leaving them with a significant amount of temporary confusion.

A child’s Identity goes hand-in-hand with their self-esteem. When an adopted child struggles to understand themselves and where they truly belong, they often find themselves trying to navigate through a negative sense of self-worth. This is especially true for international adoptees who also have to adapt to living in a foreign country.

Other Behavioral Issues

Whether your child has been adopted from their birth parents or from the foster care system, it is important to prepare yourself for behavioral issues that may arise as your child joins a new family system.

You will want to carefully consider how and when you will approach this topic of adoption with them down the road. Additionally, identifying the relationship you want to have with the birth family will make a significant impact on your child’s life as they grow up as well. In doing so, you can limit some of the behavioral issues that may surface as they understand their role in the family.

What is the adopted child syndrome? When adopting from the foster care system, a significant amount of behavioral issues may arise. Unfortunately, the foster care system leaves some children increasingly traumatized and neglected. As such, attachment and mental health disorders may form. Here are the most common behavioral issues that occur in adopted children:

Major depressive disorder
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Bipolar disorder
Social anxiety disorder
Substance abuse and addiction

Regardless of the behavioral issues at hand, there are ways to treat and heal from past trauma and integrate the adopted child into your family.

Integrating an Adopted Child into Your Family

One of the best means of integrating an adopted child into your home is by giving them the outside support they need and deserve. Consider finding a therapist for your child to voice their concerns in a confidential and secure place. Children’s Bureau offers numerous mental health services for children up to the age of 21-years-old. With a focus on children who may have experienced trauma, Children’s Bureau is filled with the best therapists and mental health services to handle all forms of trauma, no matter how big or how small.

Aside from therapy, here are our top tips for helping your adopted child feel welcome and loved in your home:

Allow them to create a space that expresses their individuality.
Make meals that they would enjoy.
Have them help you decorate around the house, especially during the holidays.
Consider adopting a pet as well, so they have a comfort buddy that they can transition into the home with.
Find out what is important and meaningful to your child and make that a priority in their lives at home.
Simply put, treat them as you would treat any and all of your children – with love, empathy, and excitement for their presence.

Welcoming Your Child Home

While the transition may not always be easy at times, you can guarantee that bringing an adopted child into a loving family makes all of the difficulties worth it. There will be moments when the impacts of adoption will be very clear through your child’s development; however, with the right amount of love and effort, your family will overcome this emotional barrier. Be mindful that you do not take any of your child’s trauma responses personally. Instead, continue to educate yourself as a parent to best handle certain situations and de-escalate outbreaks when they occur. In doing so, you will raise a healthy child and help build a beautiful and successful life ahead of them.

Sources:

https://www.nacac.org/resource/seven-core-issues-in-adoption-and-permanency/
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-an-identity-crisis-2795948

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What are the legal consequences of adoption? - Internet project "Adopt.ru"

The only reason for the onset of legal consequences serves as a court decision establishing adoption. In this connection additional preparation of any other documents, confirming this fact is not required. According to Art. 137 SC Russian Federation, as a result of adoption, adopted children and their offspring in relation to adoptive parents and their relatives, and adoptive parents and their relatives in relation to adopted children and their posterity in all personal and property rights and obligations equated with relatives by origin, that is, with legal point of view, the child acquires new parents and other relatives. nine0003

There are disputes between the adopter and the adopted child mutual personal and property rights and obligations equal to those that exist between parents and children, and not only family rights and obligations, but also rights and responsibilities for other industries legislation (civil, housing, labor, pension and etc. ). It's like adopting a child. spouses, and one unmarried person. And these legal consequences of the adoption of a child occur regardless of whether the adoptive parents are recorded as parents in birth record of a child. nine0003

Equalization by law of an adopted child with natural children adoptive parent means that adoptive parents, like parents, have rights and obligations to take care of education and comprehensive development of the adopted child. Adoptive parents are also required support their adopted children, which involves the possibility of recovering alimony from the adoptive parents in case of failure to fulfill their alimony obligations. Respectively able-bodied adult adopted children are required to support their disabled, in need of assistance adoptive parents and take care of them. nine0003

Adopters are legal representatives minor adopted child and act in protection of his rights and interests in relations with any natural and legal entities, including in courts, without special powers. However, it should be borne in mind that the adopter acquires the rights of the legal representative of the child only in the event of granting by the court his request for the adoption of a child and only after the entry of the court decision on the establishment adoption into law. nine0003

Therefore cannot be considered at the same time as the application on establishing the adoption of the applicant’s claim (i.e. adoptive parent) on the protection of the property rights of the child, for example, on the child's right of ownership to movable and (or) immovable property transferred to him under a deed of gift, in the order of inheritance or privatization of housing.

As legal representatives of minors adopted children, adoptive parents make civil law transactions from names of adopted children under the age of fourteen years (minor), or give consent to transactions adopted children between the ages of fourteen and eighteen years old. Adoptive parents, in accordance with the established procedure, bear liability for harm caused by a child under the age of fourteen years, unless they prove that the harm was not caused by him fault. If the harm is caused by an adopted child aged from fourteen to eighteen years of age, then the adoptive parents bear subsidiary (additional) liability in the absence of adopted child income or other property, sufficient to compensate for harm, unless they prove that the harm arose through no fault of their own. nine0003

Authority of adoptive parents to manage property adopted child are the same as those of the parents.

In accordance with the rules of inheritance law when inheritance by law adopted children after death adoptive parents, and adoptive parents - after the death of adopted children, are heirs of the first order.

The adopter has the right to move into the living quarters of the adopted child child without the consent of other members permanently residing with him families and without taking into account the requirements of the legislation on the norm of residential area per person. nine0003

Adopted children are entitled to a loss pension breadwinner (adoptive parent) on a par with their own children, and adoptive parents - on a par with parents without any additional conditions (for example, stepfather and stepmother are entitled to the same pension only in cases where they brought up and maintained a deceased stepson or stepdaughter for at least five years old).

Women who have adopted newborn children are provided maternity leave for the period from the date of adoption and before the expiration of seventy days (when adopting two or more children - one hundred and ten days) from the date of birth of children and, on their wish, parental leave until they reach three years of age. Leave to care for an adopted child until they reach the age of three years can be used in whole or in part also by the father (adoptive parent) of the child, grandparents or other relatives, in fact caring for the child. During the adoptive parent's vacation to care for a child, he retains his place of work (position). nine0003

When adopting a child under the age of three, the adoptive parent (woman) is paid maternity allowance for the period from the date of his adoption until the expiration of seventy calendar days (in case of simultaneous adoption of two or more children this benefit is paid for each child within one hundred and ten calendar days) from the date of birth child.

Adoptive parents (one of them) are also entitled to lump-sum allowance for the adoption of a child under the age of three months in the amount of fifteen times the minimum amount wages established by federal law on the day the birth of a child. In case of adoption of two or more children this allowance is paid for each child. nine0003

Adoptive parents are also entitled to other types of benefits for adopted children, including:

a) monthly allowance for the period of parental leave adopted child until he reaches the age of one and a half years in the amount of two minimum wages established by federal law, regardless of the number of children who care is taken;

b) monthly allowance for a child (for each adopted child living with him) up to reaching the age of sixteen, and per student educational institution - until the end of their studies, but not later than until he reaches the age of eighteen in the amount of seventy percent of the minimum wage, established by federal law. nine0003

Single adoptive parents (male, female) are subject to all guarantees and benefits provided to a woman in connection with motherhood (limitation of work at night and overtime work, limiting involvement in work on weekends and business trips, provision of additional holidays, the establishment of preferential working conditions and other guarantees and benefits) established by the current legislation.

According to the Family Code, legal relations are established not only between an adopted child (and his offspring) and adoptive parents, but also between an adopted child (and his offspring) and relatives of the adoptive parents. It is about such degree of kinship, which, according to the law, entails the occurrence among relatives of certain personal non-property and property rights and obligations. For example, grandfather, grandmother a {i.e. adoptive parents), brothers, sisters (children of adoptive parents) and other relatives are entitled to communication with an adopted child; or disabled, needing help grandfather, grandmother (parents of adoptive parents) are entitled to child support from their adults able-bodied grandchildren (children adopted by their children) presence of conditions. nine0003

According to paragraph 2 of Art. 137 RF IC, simultaneously with the acquisition rights and obligations in relation to adoptive parents, adopted children lose all personal and property rights and obligations towards their parents and other relatives origin.

The exception to this rule is the norms established Art. 138 of the UK, according to which minor children with at the time of adoption, the right to a pension or allowance due them on the occasion of the loss of a breadwinner (i.e. on the occasion of the death of a mother or father), retain this right even after adoption. This implies, that if the parents died after the adoption of the child, then he has the right to receive pensions or benefits due to him in if he had not been adopted. nine0003

This item is based on the provisions of the pension legislation stating that minors entitled to survivor's pension, retain this right and upon adoption. With regard to the allowances due to children in connection with the death of parents, they are appointed in case of death parents on duty (servicemen or citizens called up for military training; police officers and tax police, etc. ).

Thus, the child's right to a pension and allowance should arise before the adoption by the court of a decision on adoption, in fact documents for the appointment of a pension can be issued and much later - after adoption. pension, allowance (one-time benefit or its share) and insurance security is issued to adoptive parents as legal representatives adopted children. nine0003

Finding and choosing your child

Having come to the idea of adopting a child, potential parents begin to think about what their new family member should be like: will it be a boy or a girl, what age, what appearance, etc. As a rule, this stage of the adoption procedure (establishment of guardianship) is one of the most difficult for adoptive parents and takes a lot of time.

Practice shows that the vast majority of adoptive parents want to adopt a little girl, with an angelic appearance and as healthy as possible. Few of the adoptive parents consciously seek to adopt a disabled child, with defects in appearance or serious illnesses. However, this “ideal” idea of a foster child often has to be abandoned when confronted with reality. Firstly, in order to adopt a healthy little girl, many adoptive parents have to spend a lot of time looking for her, or rely on chance and luck. Secondly, according to pediatricians, there are practically no completely healthy children among those abandoned by their parents. There are many reasons for this, and we will consider them separately. nine0003

Summarizing all of the above, we do not recommend setting strict criteria - sex, age and health of the child during adoption. There are many examples when candidates for adoptive parents, having visited a children's institution and seeing the eyes of children waiting for their parents, having heard them address strangers with the word "mother", abandon their original intention and instead of a one-year-old girl decide to adopt a six-year-old boy . Also very often there are cases when, having chosen one child for adoption, and having learned that he also has a brother (sister), adoptive parents decide to accept both children into the family. nine0003

Quite often the decision to take a child into a family is made under the influence of external circumstances - you learned about a neighbor's child who ended up in an orphanage; saw an orphan in the hospital; a friend who works in an orphanage spoke about a particular baby; or you are somehow connected with the children's institution in which such a child ended up. But if everything happened differently for you, and you came to adoption on your own, and the image of the desired child is still very abstract, made up of stories, memories, personal experience and other trifles, how then will you approach the search for a child and what lies ahead on this path? nine0003

First of all, prospective adoptive parents should put aside myths about the process of searching for a child. Do not rely on chance: today state authorities are ready to help you in choosing a child. In our country, there is a recently developed system for searching for children for adoption, called “Hope”, which includes the State Data Bank on children left without parental care and who need to be placed in a family for adoption, guardianship, foster family, patronage. All provisions of work with this data bank are regulated by the Federal Law, certain provisions and forms of documents are introduced by Orders of the Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation. nine0003

Formation of the Data Bank starts from the district level. The guardianship authority, having received information about the appearance of a child who has lost parental care in a children's institution (children's home, orphanage, orphanage, hospital, etc.) located in the territory under its jurisdiction, fills out a special questionnaire for the child, in which all data are indicated in detail the child, his parents and other relatives, a photograph is attached. During the first month from the moment a child left without parental care is identified, the local guardianship body is obliged to make efforts to place him in a family and keep the child's file only with himself. nine0003

If within a month the child has not been placed in a family, his/her questionnaire is transferred to the next instance, which is subordinate to the regional authorities. At this level, data about the child is entered into the Regional Data Bank, which is most often under the jurisdiction of the district committee (department) of education, or is subordinate to the social protection authorities under the Administration of the region. Manages the information contained in this data bank, the Regional operator of the data bank on children left without parental care. nine0003

Having received information about the child, the Operator, in turn, attempts to place him in a family of citizens living in this area. For this purpose, the following actions can be taken:

publication of shortened, so-called derivative information about the child in newspapers, magazines, specially published bulletins;
a story about a child in TV programs, on the radio;
posting information about the child on bulletin boards, electronic websites, etc.

If within a month the child failed to find a family, then his profile is transferred further, to the highest level - the Federal Data Bank Operator under the Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation.

As you can see from the reporting system below, the most complete and up-to-date records of children are held by local child care authorities and it is best to contact them directly. However, given the realities of our lives, you may encounter a lack of childcare facilities in the area with children of the desired age or information about children; you may not be satisfied with the attitude of the guardian; or perhaps you want to take a child from another area in order to avoid meeting with his parents. Then, having received the primary documents (conclusion on the possibility of being an adoptive parent / guardian /, becoming a foster parent) and capturing the necessary certificates and passport, you have the right to apply to any regional or federal operator. nine0003

Then you will need to write a statement of your desire to adopt a child for upbringing in a family with a request to acquaint you with the information about children in the state data bank that meets your wishes, as well as fill out a special questionnaire of a citizen who wants to take a child for upbringing in his family , to enter information about you in the data bank. After receiving such an application, the Data Bank Operator is obliged to provide you with the required information - profiles of children that meet your wishes. nine0003

Since the data bank is automated, the required information is issued to the applicant almost instantly. If, for some reason, it is impossible to quickly obtain information about children, the Operator is obliged to provide this information to the candidate for adoptive parents no later than 10 days from the date of acceptance of the application from him.

If a child matching your requirements cannot be found, you must leave a request to find such a child, and the guardianship authorities must notify the candidate for adoption of the appearance of a child that meets his request. In any case, the Operator is obliged every month to inform the candidate for adoptive parents about the presence / absence of information about the required child in the data bank, as well as to acquaint the candidate with the newly received questionnaires of children. nine0003

After the candidate for adoptive parents chooses a specific child, the regional operator issues him a referral to visit the child in the institution where he is. In an institution, a candidate for adoptive parents is required to provide complete information about the child, to acquaint him with the history of his life (show a personal file), to talk about his state of health, to acquaint him with a medical record, to talk about the features of development at the moment.

If the child is not suitable for you, you return to the Operator again, fill out a special application on the results of meeting the child, and the specialist (operator) issues you a new referral to visit another child. Legislative acts do not limit the number of referrals issued to visit children. A candidate for adoptive parents has the right to choose a child for an arbitrarily long time until the child is found by joint efforts. nine0003

In addition to the above, there is another option for finding a child. A candidate for adoptive parents can apply to any guardianship and guardianship authority in our country, to a regional operator or to the Ministry of Education with a request to select a child. The law provides for the possibility of selecting a child from a regional or federal data bank not by the candidate for adoptive parents, but by the guardianship authorities. The need for this may arise if the candidate for adoptive parents does not have time to visit various authorities (or other reasons). To do this, you must fill out a request form with a request for assistance in the selection of a child, which will be sent by guardianship to a regional (federal) operator. After receiving a response from the operator and selected questionnaires, guardianship will invite the candidate for adoptive parents to familiarize themselves with them and issue a referral to visit the child. However, you should remember that this method of searching for a child can take quite a long time, despite the fact that the conclusion on the possibility of being an adoptive parent is valid only for a year, and the medical certificate is only 3 months. nine0003

When contacting a regional operator, keep in mind that data for children under one year old is updated once a year, and for older children even less often: once every three years. In addition, new information about children enters the database very late and very irregularly. Therefore, the information offered to you may be very outdated: the child may be cured of these diseases, or (unfortunately) acquire new ones, and may even find a family.

According to the idea of the drafters of the law, the Data Bank was created not to establish a state monopoly on information about orphans, but to expand the possibilities of finding children and providing a chance to find a family for any orphaned child. Thus, the local guardianship authority does not have the right to archive the child's case after the transfer of his questionnaire to the regional data bank, he is obliged to continue to make every effort to find a family for him. Thus, by transferring the child's questionnaire to higher levels of the Data Bank, the circle of searching for his family is expanding. nine0003

There are other ways to find a child. So, candidates for adoptive parents can independently apply to children's institutions, bypassing the Data Bank. However, this method very much depends on the good will of the leaders of children's institutions, as well as the perseverance and willingness to spend the time and effort of future parents.

Children from 0 to 3-4 years old from maternity wards, hospitals, abandoned, taken away from unfortunate parents, get to children's institutions for younger children (children's homes). They stay in orphanages until they are 4 years old, but sometimes they are detained up to 5 years (mainly for medical reasons). Children's homes are medical facilities and are of a general type or specialized, for example, for children born to infected mothers, or for children with congenital pathologies. nine0003

Older children are transferred to pre-school or so-called “family-type” orphanages, where siblings aged 4 to 18 are brought up together. From preschool orphanages, children who have reached school age are transferred to an orphanage (or boarding school), where they live until they reach adulthood. Children living in orphanages attend the nearest district school; children who ended up in a boarding school study in a special school attached to the boarding school. Ordinary orphanages and boarding schools are under the jurisdiction of educational authorities, while special and correctional ones may belong to various organizations related to social protection, health care, the Red Cross, or other non-governmental organizations. However, the vast majority of orphanages for children over 3 years of age are run by educational authorities. nine0003

Children's medical institutions - hospitals and children's homes - are more closed to strangers than children's homes and boarding schools. This is due to the peculiarities of the regimen in children's medical institutions, the age of children, the large number of children, their weakness, fears of introducing an infection and provoking a local epidemic. In this regard, visits to such establishments by outsiders are limited. In addition, employees of such institutions do not have the right to disclose information about children to outsiders, and a direct request to show children suitable for adoption is most often met with a justified refusal. However, the head of the children's institution has the right to inform the person who has come where he should apply if he decides to adopt a child. nine0003

Another thing is that in a number of children's institutions (especially in the outback), work in which is often the only source of income for employees, and the transfer of children to families carries the threat of unemployment, the management of children's institutions does not seek to transfer children to families. In order to reduce the number of children placed for adoption, employees of such institutions may refer to various non-existent instructions or intimidate potential adoptive parents with the “problems” of adopted children. Some employees sincerely believe that it is better for a child to be in a state institution, since there is better care, timely food and treatment are provided, and it is impossible to control the living conditions of the child in the family. Others, having in their experience unsuccessful examples of the transfer of children to families, fear that the child may not be well in the family, and the adoptive parents will return him back. nine0003

Another way to find your child is to go to work for a while in a childcare facility. This method is very reliable, but very difficult morally.

If there is already a candidate for a child, perhaps you met him while visiting your child in the hospital, assisting a children's institution, or this is the child of neighbors, acquaintances, then you do not need to receive referrals for him, because you already know him. Therefore, sometimes the demand of the district guardianship authority is to go and get a referral for this child from the Regional Operator, allegedly due to the fact that they have already transferred his data there, illegally, they keep the file on the child, and in order to remove data about this child from Bank of the data, it is enough for them to notify the Regional Operator - they can do this using a standard notification - more details about this are described in the Answer of the Head of the Department for Social and Pedagogical Support and Rehabilitation of Children of the Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation No. 20 / 26-12 dated January 13, 2003. nine0003

First of all, we would like to draw your attention to the specifics of diagnosing the state of physical and mental health of children in children's institutions. Unfortunately, very often it is not objective and complete enough, which leads either to the failure to detect diseases in children, or to overdiagnosis, when non-existent or already compensated diseases are recorded in a child. Quite often, overdiagnosis occurs in specialized institutions, when a child is diagnosed with "mental retardation in the degree of debility" or "delayed psychoverbal (psychomotor) development" in order to justify his stay in this institution before the governing bodies. As surveys of pupils conducted by independent psychiatrists and psychologists show, sometimes up to 25-30% of children in specialized institutions have incorrect diagnoses. This is due to the fact that employees working with such children have additional payments of about 20% to the basic salary. nine0003

Therefore, we advise you not to be afraid of "terrible" diagnoses in orphans, especially those recorded in the anamnesis (for example, "perinatal encephalopathy", "organic damage to the central nervous system", "hydrocephalic-hypertensive syndrome" and others). Remember that many malformations compensate with age. For example, such a defect in the heart as an “open oval window”, which is often found in premature babies, disappears. We advise you to choose a child based not on papers, but to meet him personally, look at him, get to know him, and only after that make a final decision. nine0003

The choice of a child can be quite strongly influenced by the information about him/her that you hear from the specialists of the children's institution. In turn, the reliability of the information given to you will be affected by the impression you yourself make on the employees who receive you. Here the saying “they will meet by their clothes” is appropriate. If the chief doctor or director liked you, then at first they will tell you about what this child is good for, how handsome, capable, obedient he is, and they will say about shortcomings or diseases in passing, without focusing on this. If, for some subjective reason, the employees of the children's institution do not want the child to become a member of your family, then in the first place in the description of the child will be his illnesses and shortcomings, and the merits will be mentioned in passing. nine0003

Besides the age and health of the child, you should definitely pay attention to the history of his life, find out where and how long he was before adoption. Remember that the presence (or absence) of maternal care has a huge impact on the development of the baby. A three-year-old kid who grew up even in a bad family is very different from a peer who was brought up from birth in a good children's institution. Children who have been in an institution for a long time differ in development from their "home" peers and may not psychologically correspond to their biological age, which makes them seem younger than their peers. nine0003

Due to poor nutrition of the mother during pregnancy, unfavorable lifestyle, complicated childbirth, many children are often born prematurely and get sick more often, which is expressed in malnutrition and stunting. Outwardly, they also seem younger than the children who ended up in the institution after some time of living in the family. Poor and malnutrition leads to stunting and underweight, rickets, and in older children removed from the family. The lag of older children can be easily seen by the teeth, which are either translucent, with horizontal relief stripes just above the cutting edge, or small and damaged. nine0003

However, quite often the choice of a child is influenced not by the history of development and state of health, but by his appearance. This is how one of the adoptive parents describes her feelings and the choice she made.

“They gave us a referral to choose a child, and we rushed to one of the orphanages. If only you knew what a shame and torment it is to choose, examine and die from embarrassment in front of these kids from the fact that you won’t take them!!! We stayed there for a long time, I fiddled a lot with those with whom it was possible, they are nice, small, but I didn’t feel about any of them that this was my son. The husband almost cried in general, clenched his jaw, so his jaws went. Terribly hard and ashamed, ashamed, ashamed! They felt like pigs. nine0003

The next day, without any call or prior arrangements, we were already at the door of another orphanage. They accepted us and, having heard that we needed a boy under eight months old, they immediately declared - there is just one for you! And they called such a telling surname that it became clear that this baby needed to be pulled out of here, and everything should be quickly changed for him. While we were being led along the corridor to his group, we had already decided that there would be no repetition of yesterday's elections - we would take this child, whatever he was. To be honest, I was very afraid that I would not feel anything again. But I also firmly knew that I could not refuse any more. The husband said the day before that he hopes for my intuition and is not capable of choosing in such matters at all! We were asked to wait as the kids were running out of breakfast. Those who had already eaten ran up to the door on their walkers and greeted us kindly. They were extremely pretty, very lively, but not one of them was written - He. Yesterday was repeated, with the only difference that I knew that today I would not refuse. So we squatted in front of them and mentally asked the kids who they were. And then the nanny finished feeding the last one and they told us - this one! He roared, got angry, tried to return the bottle, but both of us simply felt relieved from the heart - tearful, angry, but Ours. It is inexplicable, but there is such a Feeling! Then we were little worried about the data read from his card (although during the neonatal period the baby underwent a very serious operation) - we thought about how to take him home as soon as possible. nine0003

Someone adopts a child after seeing a photo in a newspaper or on the Internet, watching a story about an orphanage on TV, or hearing from a doctor friend about an orphan who has been admitted to a hospital for treatment.

As you can see, there are many ways to choose a child, and which one you choose depends on many, sometimes random, circumstances.

Having decided on this step, carefully consider your possibilities (physical and material). If you want to take a child under one year old, determine if you can quit your job and take care of raising a child at home until at least three years old. It is worth inquiring about the prices of clothes for babies and other accessories he needs. nine0003

If you are planning to take an older child, think about who will take him to kindergarten and pick him up, who will see him off and pick him up from school.

It is also worth thinking about what traits of the child's character will suit you (and vice versa, will annoy you): slowness, slowness or, on the contrary, restlessness, talkativeness. Best of all, if he is not your opposite, since overactive children are difficult to withstand for a long time people with a calm character, and calm children annoy impulsive adults with their slowness.